* Posts by Gordo Rex

60 posts • joined 16 Dec 2010

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Oil & gas? Pah. We’ve got a MASSIVE 3D printer, beams Dubai

Gordo Rex

Re: Dubai centre of excellence....?

kinda hard to see what dubai brings to the party, except how any of this is anything but vaporware without Dubai's cash.

There, fixed it for you.

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Wake up, sheeple! If you ask Siri about 9/11 it will rat you out to the police!

Gordo Rex
Go

CLICK HERE to find 17 AMAZING ways to frustrate people!

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Did climate change scare off vegan dinos for millions of years? 'Yes'

Gordo Rex
Angel

Orrrrrr.........

About 5,000 years ago God (aka His Noodliness) told all the dinos to stay out of the tropics because he wanted to mess with scientists in 2015.

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Google's Cardboard 2.0 virtual reality device is a triumph for humanity, said no one sane, ever

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

Will it be accepted?

The canary for technical acceptance always has been, and always will be, centered around the adult industry. If adult films start coming out with this technology, it's a winner. If not--nice try.

Paris, because, well, because.

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Fumbling Feds lose control of seized MegaUpload domains – to saucy vid slingers

Gordo Rex

Wait, you mean that at some time MegaUpload was not associated with pron?

Where was I when that was happening?

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The time on Microsoft Azure will be: Different by a second, everywhere

Gordo Rex
Facepalm

Obvious

"[T]he firm doesn’t foresee availability or reliability problems hitting Azure."

Well, of course they don't foresee any problems. You run experiments to determine if there are problems that you didn't think of. Some experiments are small. Some are somewhat larger--like using an international cloud service to check if you've done everything correctly.

Which is why Micro$oft is Micro$oft.

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It's the Internet of Feet: Lenovo shows smart shoes, projector keyboard phone

Gordo Rex
Go

I want those shoes!

Shoes that show my mood on a screen! Which can then be projected onto a wall! So that everyone around me knows how I feel!

I realize that some people will point out that humans have spent thousands of generations refining the ability to read someone's mood from tiny moves of facial muscles, but this is so much better!

Especially if it has a sarcasm indicator!

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Boffins create tiny holographic battery that fits INSIDE a chip

Gordo Rex
Headmaster

Chips?

"A battery small enough to be mounted inside a chip crisp..."

There, fixed it for you.

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Google patents DEVIL TOY which will BRAINWASH KIDS

Gordo Rex

Re: Oh... how original...

They say it's supposed to be a Media Device Controller. If so, in the pictures they forgot to show in Widdle Bear's Tum-Tum the LEDs that are eternally flashing "12:00" like any decent Media Device Controller will have.

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US Air Force launches not-so-secret space plane. Thanks Russia

Gordo Rex

Re: setting an orbital record for a reusable spacecraft...

If they're talking Martian years, they could, just.

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Boffins brew 'Stop Light' that turns photons in fibre into memory

Gordo Rex

Re: Oh wow that's cool

the photon captured by the cesium cloud can then be released on demand.

How many would I need to make a photon torpedo?

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ALIEN HUNT: Water similar to life-bearing Earth lakes FOUND ON MOON of Saturn

Gordo Rex
Black Helicopters

Re: Don't want to rain....

When you say that PEOPLE should go to the Mexican desert moons of Saturn, do you mean anyone in particular, or just some random folk? Would you, yourself, go there?

If you would like to go, I applaud you for it, but, as for myself, I will stay in my lead lined bunker.

As for "serpentization," are we sure they're not just making stuff up?

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ESA reveals Rosetta's snaps of MARS and EARTH

Gordo Rex
Black Helicopters

Good One!

For a moment there I almost thought that you were trying to persuade us that these photo-shopped images were actually taken from space. Then I realized what day it is.

You had me going, though.

Now, where's the tin foil?

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Rosetta probe to try contact with Philae lander on Thursday

Gordo Rex
Black Helicopters

Am I the only one....

....who has noticed that the "comet" on which this "lander" allegedly sits is getting more sunlight and warmth in the exact same season as the Mexican desert? Coincidence? I don't think so.

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LIFELESS BEAGLE on MARS: A British TRIUMPH!

Gordo Rex
Black Helicopters

Re: Curiosity

You do realize that they don't _want_ to get pictures back, don't you?

My sources tell me that after the thing was placed in the Mexican desert some damn company came through putting up power pylons, thereby destroying the scenery.

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Hack hijacks electric skateboards, dumps hipsters in the gutter

Gordo Rex
Coat

Hollywood Calling!

We make a comedy movie in which the dictator of an (unnamed) East Asian repressive Communist regime loves skateboarding, and a heroic English speaking country decides to overthrow said dictator by infiltrating two journalists who are trained how to hack the Leader's skateboard and thereby effect his demise. Hilarity ensues.

What could possibly go wrong?

Mine's the one with script in the pocket.

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It's whiff, Jim, but not as we know it: Curiosity sniffs ORGANICS on Mars

Gordo Rex
Trollface

And yet, there is still hope that camera-wielding nasa-friendly aliens* inhbabit the Mexican desert.

*Alien in the sense that they have a different nationality to yours.

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El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Gordo Rex

Right Click

This has probably been covered...I didn't bother to read all of nasty comments (almost all of which I agree with). In the past, I would scan the headlines, right-clicking the interesting ones to open in a new tab and then working my way through the tabs.

Apparently, "newer, fresher, modern...." does not include this "older, staler, archaic, yet USEFUL" way of doing things.

Interestingly, about two weeks ago I began thinking of all the sites that I had abandoned in the past 20 years following a "newer, fresher, more content" redesign. I got up to 30, although I know I missed a few.

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Dark side of the DUNE: Probot snaps shadowy comet surface selfie

Gordo Rex
Black Helicopters

One would think

that with all the brain power involved, they would have arranged to "land" in June or July when there is much more sunlight in the Mexican desert where they do these "landings."

Ah, well, back to the bunker.

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

Gordo Rex

"On Being Free" by Frithjof Bergmann -- should be required reading by everyone.

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HOT YOUNG STAR about to GIVE BIRTH, long range images show

Gordo Rex
Pint

Re: about to GIVE BIRTH

What great timing! If we leave now at about 1,000 km/h, we should get there just as something interesting is about to happen.

----> Because, well, it's Beerday.

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WHITE HOUSE network DOWN: Nation-sponsored attack likely

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

........ and so that's why Sasha's term paper is late.

Sincerely,

My Mom

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SKYPE has the HOTS for my NAKED WIFE

Gordo Rex
Coat

Hmmm.....

You say that the camera came on just as your half-dressed wife entered the room? Pix or it didn't happen.

Mine's the one with the sticky mag in the pocket.

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Breaking records: Google exec in terrifying SKY PLUNGE DRAMA

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

I wonder....

if he considered releasing a paper airplane just before he pulled the rip chord? Then he could have added another record to his accomplishment.

At any rate, well done!

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Golf bloke to Richard Branson: Get on board the future bus, where there's 'NO WEATHER'

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

I know I'm getting old ...

but what exactly is "the social enterprise sector"?

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German engineers demo ROBOT APE

Gordo Rex
Trollface

Good to see...

that someone is re-using the set where they shot all the Apollo "moon" scenes.

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Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

Stop being so dramatic

You're trying gin up (if you'll pardon the expression) the story with words like "elderly" and "oldster." The man is a mere 62. He (like myself) is just reaching his prime robot-fighting years.

(Paris because she, too, is no longer a spring chicken.)

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Sea Launch comsat rocket goes titsup 40 seconds into launch

Gordo Rex
Stop

Re: Why not launch from altitude ?

You're joking, right?

So, we launch from a mountain in the middle of a continent, and if something goes wrong we just rain debris down on the populace below?

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Scientists spin carbon nanotube threads on industrial scale

Gordo Rex
Trollface

One less use

If it can be produced on an industrial scale, that means it will soon be affordable, meaning that it can't be used in F1 cars. Ah, well, back to the drawing board.

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Titsup Windows Phone 8 orders user to cram 'boot disc' in mobe

Gordo Rex
Coat

Re: It's so retro, It'll be chic

Sorry, but I'm not sure where they put the ANY key on those phones.

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Satnav blunder sends Belgian granny 1,450km to Croatia

Gordo Rex

Re: satnav blunder? Really?

Well, she did notice that the signs changed from French to German to Croatian, and if that didn't deter her, why should a little thing like the Alps cause her to rethink her strategy?

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El Reg's 'Chuck Norris' faces down charging elephant

Gordo Rex

Re: An alternative unit of Force

I thought The Force was measured in Jedis?

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Boffins create quantum gas with temperature BELOW absolute zero

Gordo Rex
Holmes

Understement of the year nominee (already!)

"That might seem counterintuitive at first;"

This is in opposition to all other quantum effects which are intuitively obvious?

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Major new science: WOMEN MORE NUDE more OFTEN online

Gordo Rex

Re: Stop the Presses! New Research!

Barbie had boobies!

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Gordo Rex
Go

Stop the Presses! New Research!

I just realized that when I was a young 'un, my sister's Barbie dolls spent much more time nekkid than her Ken dolls. I think that this was due to deep sociological and psychological factors that will be of the utmost importance to the future of humanity in the design of Barbarella-type spacesuits.

Where's my cash?

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China switches on 'BDS' civilian nav-sat rival to GPS

Gordo Rex
Facepalm

Re: ICBM's navigation

But what if it's cloudy?

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Rocket 'Grasshopper' leaps higher than tall building in single bound

Gordo Rex
Thumb Up

Incredible!

The first thing I noticed was the absence of any kind of support gantry before the lift-off. How many millions of tiny corrections must they be making to keep that thing balanced?

Well done, SpaceX!

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Osborne stumps up £20m of your cash for wiggly wonder stuff graphene

Gordo Rex
FAIL

The Wrong Place

The money is going to the wrong place. If The Chancellor had wanted some return on his "aerospace" investment, he should have directed the money on a well-run, pioneering effort, which is to say LOHAN.

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New York takes 2,100 pervs offline, gets gaming support

Gordo Rex
Childcatcher

Testing

If you see this post, apparently pervs are still allowed to post to El Reg.

That is all.

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365 days in SPAAACE: An interstellar glance at 2012

Gordo Rex
Thumb Up

Thanks!

Great recap!

(even though we all know that all of the "Curiosity" stuff was actually happening in a Mexican desert.)

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Fish grow ‘hands’ in genetic experiment

Gordo Rex
Headmaster

There’s no hint that Dr Gómez-Skarmeta plans to try the same trick on sharks, thankfully.

Sharks are not fish. Fish have bones. Sharks have cartilage, rather than bones (although they do have boners).

Whether sharks have 5’Hodx, I have no idea.

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RETURN of the PLAYMONAUT: El Reg's space hero suits up again

Gordo Rex
Thumb Up

I've seen him before

I believe I just saw a documentary film about this chap. It was titled SkyFall or something like that.

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Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING

Gordo Rex
Paris Hilton

I can't believe I'm commenting on this....

So, Sasquatch is a hybrid of a human and an unknown species (which species, although non-human, is close enough to being human to be able to breed with humans). Which raises the question, what is the unknown species, and where did it come from? And why are there no descendants of the purebred version? And how could it have bred with humans 15,000 years ago when the earth is only 6,000 years old?

My head hurts.

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Dogs would say: SIZE is IMPORTANT, shape - not so much

Gordo Rex
Holmes

Of course it ignores shapes

The test was done with a border collie. All sheep have the same shape.

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BRITISH BIGFOOT ON LOOSE in Tunbridge Wells

Gordo Rex
Trollface

Hmmmm......

"hirsute"

"red demonic eyes"

"shuffling"

"ape like"

"knees which came up under its chin as it walked"

Until I see the additional attribute "insufferably arrogant" ascribed to the beast, I, for one, remain unconvinced that it is Wayne Rooney.

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BLAZING HEAVENLY gas BRIDGE filament links galactic clusters

Gordo Rex

Then again...

Some have theorised that the old Norse Bifröst may have been inspired by the Milky Way.

Or perhaps one of the great Norse heroes was able to cross back from Asgard to Midgard and tell the people what was on the other side.

What if the legends were literally correct?

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Vote NOW for the vilest Bond villain

Gordo Rex
Devil

Blofeld

Perhaps it was just my age, but killing Diana Rigg is traumatically, absolutely, eternally, totally evit.

I know he was just an actor, but I could never watch Telly Savalas in a any role, ever, again.

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Mars rover Curiosity gets ready to blast its first rock

Gordo Rex
Coat

72 Feet?

So, that's about 157 linguine per day. Guess they've got my GrandDad driving the thing. I've been wondering what the old guy was up to.

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Santander's banking website craps out

Gordo Rex

It's a matter of priorities

But they are awfully good at sponsoring Formula 1 races. We can't expect the lambs to be good at everything, can we?

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IBM plans to axe staff in UK, Ireland despite hefty profits

Gordo Rex
Coat

Wait -- the Strategic Outsourcing Delivery department is being sent to India? Who could have seen that coming?

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