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* Posts by dorsetknob

69 posts • joined 26 May 2013

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'CAPTAIN CYBORG': The wild-eyed prof behind 'machines have become human' claims

dorsetknob
Facepalm

re I have no idea what a 'reverse ferret' is

Its the action of a Male ferret has when you stuff it down your trousers

However if you use a female Ferret, ...............

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dorsetknob
Joke

My mates dog been chipped does this mean if i expose it to lots of radiation it may mutate into a woof Terminator

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Glacier's hot butt melts ice, boffins say

dorsetknob
Mushroom

Another well funded Research paper that states the ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

And of Course the Green Eco Warriors will seize upon this to say

" Look Irrefutable proof the earth is getting warmer and Antarctica is Melting"

Its been known for years that the Antarctic has ACTIVE Volcano's some under the ice and some poking thru

one Called " Mount Erebus " has been observed to be continuously active since 1972 and its a sulpher dioxide emitter (estimates of Millions of tons of this greenhouse gas are pumped into the atmosphere each year),

It does not take a Apple genius to realize that if ice is heated it melts and if there is enough heat even Antarctic sub zero ice becomes water eventually and uncovers more land

and whats the problem earth is going to need this new real estate to expand into to compensate for the sea level rise to house more population and to grow more food

Icon well a volcano seems right

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Ballmer SLAM-DUNKS $2 BEEELLLION bid for LA Clippers

dorsetknob
Joke

New Team Strip

" As soon as sale goes through there will be a change of team strip"

Out with the current shirts

New shirts are Microsoft Blue with white writing ( error code 0x80070643 )

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For your next privacy panic, look no further than vending machines

dorsetknob
Coat

"Next phase of development will be!"

Wait to they link in a NFC device reader

When sales are down and

you stand near the machine or just wander near and out pops a can of cococrud

Hum free vended cococrud so you pick it up and walk away

3 weeks later you find it charged to your CC

recorded video has you taking your cococrud so you get stuck paying for the can you took thinking it was free

Tough luck consumer

don't forget to wrap your wallet in tinfoil

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dorsetknob
Mushroom

"" a hammer and nail ""

So Luddite

so easily nicked for criminal damage by PC PLOD

Better to use your laser pointer to burn out the ccd in the camera from a distance

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Microsoft frisked blogger's Hotmail inbox, IM chat to hunt Windows 8 leaker, court told

dorsetknob
WTF?

Unreleased versions of Windows Live Messenger ""bring it on""

Quote

"Confidential data allegedly uploaded by Kibkalo to his personal Windows Live SkyDrive account between July and August 2012 included pre-release software updates of Windows 8 RT and ARM devices, Microsoft's Activation Server Software Development Kit (SDK), and unreleased versions of Windows Live Messenger, according to Microsoft's subsequent investigation."

unquote

Perhaps Microsuck might release this unreleased versions of unreleased versions of Windows Live MessengerMessenger to either work in tandem or replace skype

because Skype is total crap

I cannot use skype on my pc as it says my password is incorrect (please reset)

yet same password works fine on android phone.

the messenger software was very good and i used it all the time now its skype only i don't bother to use it anymore

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Candy Crush King plans IPO valuing it at $7.6 BEEELLION

dorsetknob
Joke

Yeh i'll suscribe to this IPO

Henceforth shares in this company will be known as Candycoins

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Voracious alien flatworm hits French in the escargots

dorsetknob
Alien

klingonforming France

Looks like Gagh

Smells like Gagh ( maybe that's just France)

Oh my god the Klingons are Klingonforming France

there goes the neighborhood...............wait it might actuality be an improvement

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Muslim clerics issue fatwa banning the devout from Mars One 'suicide' mission

dorsetknob
Alien

Spirts in the sky nut jobs and such

Depends on whether you consider Scientology a religion

the whole premise of L R Ron's Religion is based on sci fi

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Facebook gobbles WhatsApp for SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS

dorsetknob
Paris Hilton

What now for the Spammers ?

for Months i have been getting Spam emails telling me i have a message left for me on Whatsapp

never had an account there and due to the volume of spam messages i get......

I WILL NEVER HAVE AN ACCOUNT THERE

these so called messages are 5 to 8 sec long ( so the email says)

Does this now mean that these spam messages will tell me as well as holding an unsolicited message on a non existing account that i also have messages on my non existing face/fu*kbook account.

I Suspect Whatsapp payed the Spammers to try and drive traffic to their site to boost their value so as to Rodger face/fu*kbook for a higher sale price

Paris for the shafting snigger

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NASA's orbiting space-broadband probe LADEE beams back Moon snaps

dorsetknob
Mushroom

Is There an Elmer Fudd on the NASA Pay roll and when does "wabbit hunting season start"

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'No representation without taxation!' urges venerable tech VC

dorsetknob
Megaphone

238 YEARS OF HISTORY

How does this fit in with the main Argument of the Founding Fathers of the 13 colony's

was not their main reason for Revolt against the "British Crown and empire""

NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION

not

NO REPRESENTATION WITHOUT TAXATION

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Treasure hunters dig up LOST RELIC of dead Steve Jobs

dorsetknob
Coat

New Rare Porn museum Exhibit found

Little known fact

This was the mouse that was used by Jobs to Download the first internet porn

The Cupertino King used to call it the Lisa handjober

Ps He did not clean it before he "" Donated it"" so there might still be little jobbys Dna preserved on it

Coat its a "Dirty Mac"

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Friends don't do tech support for friends running Windows XP

dorsetknob
Pint

XP Tech Support for Friends and Family

Yeh for most of us it will continue

XP is a known and well supported OS

Friends and Family tech Support is usually paid for with Beer/free Drugs ( definitely not TAX Reportable)

Now Microsuck want to remove this valuable undeclared perk.

don't they realize that we are still in recession cash is tight we have to pay tax (most of us don't have the offshore double dutch Irish sandwich option for avoiding tax)

There is NO CORPORATE CASH AVAILABLE( with the usual tax write off) FOR upgrading family computers

its all about the beer

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Unmanned, autonomous ROBOT TRUCK CONVOY 'drives though town'

dorsetknob
Pirate

Must be a SLOW NEWS DAY

Lazy columnist

this is just a rehash of an earlier story already done on this site "2 Days ago"

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2014/02/01/us_army_tests_alldrone_supply_train/

so in all fairness here was my post

quote

""

Buy shares in Military Supply companeys

Jihadist / insurgents with RPG + loads of reloads take out the vehicle wheels convoy is stopped until its repaired

others scatter loads of IED devices to hinder the repair/recovery

think the convoy owner ( US military )would abandon the convoy as the cost of recovery in $$$ and lives outweighs the risk.

Jihadist loot convoy end result is US military feed and supply the Jihadist / insurgents

The Future of Your US TAX payer Dollar

icon indicates IED Minefield ahead ""

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Robowagons roll! US Army tests all-drone supply unit

dorsetknob
Pirate

Buy shares in Military Supply companeys

Jihadist / insurgents with RPG + loads of reloads take out the vehicle wheels convoy is stopped until its repaired

others scatter loads of IED devices to hinder the repair/recovery

think the convoy owner ( US military )would abandon the convoy as the cost of recovery in $$$ and lives outweighs the risk.

Jihadist loot convoy end result is US military feed and supply the Jihadist / insurgents

The Future of Your US TAX payer Dollar

icon indicates IED Minefield ahead

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Now we're cookin' on gas: Google crafts sugar-alert contact lens for diabetics

dorsetknob
Big Brother

Rise of the Big Brother machine SKYNET IS ON ITS WAY

Maybe I'm cynical but it wont end here

how long before we are all required to be chipped like our pet dogs / horses ( probably done at birth by the government big Brother).

Insurance company's insisting that in order to get Medical insurance they must have access to this Chip (via wi fi).

Then there is the fear that there would be a secret back door (for NSA / GCHQ ) so big Bro can always spy on you and know where you are. and finally there would be that REMOTE "KILL SWITCH".

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Even 'Your computer has a virus' cold-call gits are migrating off XP

dorsetknob
Coat

Re: Is it wrong to...

"" Emphatic no it is not wrong""

I Usually Play along with this type of scam for as long as possible to waste their time and when the so called support worker /cold calling scammer is female i end up playing the phone pervert

you know

what colour is your bra does your panties match what style are they your turning me on ( Slap your belly with hand with phone held near you know what that sounds like )

are you feeling wet down below You get the idea !!!

I have Even had them pass me to their supervisor reporting me for sexualy harrasing them

the So called supervisor taking over the call and telling me that the call is being recorded and that they are reporting me to the Police for "" Making obscene Phone calls""

""RESULT"" (win for me ).

The so called supervisor ain't happy when i tell them to go ahead and report me to the police for "" Making obscene Phone calls"" as the police would not do anything because i have not made an obscene Phone

when they examine my phone records for evidence they will find that

1. I did not dial the call therefore i did not make an obscene Phone ( its not illegal to answer a call with risque conversation).

2. that they then would be charged with wasting police time.

Usually they then hang up (win no 2 for me ).

Dirty coat ............well it seems appropiate

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Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

dorsetknob
Coat

Missed opportunity

He Should have got a temp job in the Porn Industry

Think of all that HARD cash he could have earned

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

dorsetknob
Trollface

Looking at her mugshot i thought

Pork sword SCABerd would be more appropiate

excuse me while i go and poke out my eyes

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Skype's Twitter account, blog hacked to spread anti-Microsoft messages

dorsetknob

Skype WTF

Skype is Totaly shit

Couple of days ago skype on windows signed me out when i went to sign back in it refused to recognize my ms logon It sugested i reset my password

now i can log on to hotmail useing same password ect but not SKANK/SKYPE

Its Fucking crap Bring BACK MESSENGER

Ps i can use my android phone to log on to skank skype using my hotmail logon and password but windows version refuse's to accept same logon.password

How fucked up is that

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Apple, for one, welcomes its ROBOT factory OVERLORDS

dorsetknob
Gimp

Will Apple be Hiring Will Smith as a Corporate Adviser for this

I Robot ( in case your to stupid to understand the sarcasm)

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Watch out, MARTIANS: 1.3 tonne INDIAN ROBOT is on its way

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Mars defends: HUMANS to SEND UFO to Red Planet by 2016

dorsetknob
Coat

Re: This can't end well

I would Sign on as Captain Black as long as Captain scarlett ( johansson ) was my co pilot.

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OS X Mavericks mail client spews INFINITE SPAM

dorsetknob
Facepalm

Apple's Equipment dont go wrong its a user problem

your holding the keyboard wrong

Apple fix will be an upgrade of a 10c elastic band

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DARPA slaps $2m on the bar for the ULTIMATE security bug SLAYER

dorsetknob

Darpa the undisclosed truth

DARPA is that an dyslectic misspelled anagram for NSA

and the non disclosure agreement that you sigh up to before you can participate

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Custom ringback tones: Coming to your next contract mobe?

dorsetknob
Pirate

Motion Picture Association of America will want paying or we sue YOU JOE PUBLIC

Did not the Music Mafia kill this idea years ago with demands for music royalties

Something like Public performance rights royalties

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The Vulture 2: What paintjob should we put on our soaraway spaceplane?

dorsetknob
Coat

""" Snigger """

Nipple pink and a two piece Bikini style blowgun jubb

I'll get my Hampstead heath Mac and go

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Travel much? DON'T buy a Samsung Galaxy Note 3

dorsetknob
FAIL

Jailbreak time

Time for the hardware hackers to get to work

I Predict that this phone will be jailbroken within the week

this is not a Smart move by Samsung they are going to lose sales by doing this and not just phones

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Apple’s iOS 64-bit iUpgrade: Don't expect a 2x performance leap

dorsetknob

64 bit chip

My Android phone/tablet has a intel 64bit chip

Nothing new about apple introducing 64 bit chips to phones here

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Swiss space plane to launch robotic orbital debris destroyer

dorsetknob
Mushroom

Its not the pieces of junk big enough to attach a de orbiting booster that they need to worry about its the Tiny stuff whizzing around at orbital speed

the orbiting shards of previous collisions the nuts and bolts and similar sized objects that are the collision risk to existing satellites / spacecraft and future ones

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David Attenborough warns that humans have stopped evolving

dorsetknob
FAIL

""BIG FAIL""

GOBSHITE from a would be Darwinist who is SO two faced.

Yup from the man that had a pacemaker fitted to extend his life

If he truly believed his line of crap he should not had a pacemaker fitted and then let Nature / fate take its inevitable course of action.

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Hypersonic 'scramjet' aims for Mach 8 test flight

dorsetknob
Mushroom

Re: So if the autodestruct doesn't happen.

"Quote"

So if the autodestruct doesn't happen.

What is a mach 8 rocket going to do to the sea.

1. Enter like a diver and do little else?

or

2. Make a big ripple?

" unquote"

what it will do is create a very large radioactive cloud

Whoops who forgot to remove the live nuke war head

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Boffins lay bare exotic Lara Croft meteorite element ununpentium

dorsetknob
IT Angle

I'm currently researching the Element Unobtainum but am having difficulty getting research funds.

Unobtainum when used in AMD Processors would when used as a quad gate manufacturing process would result in CPU's that can run at 15Ghz+ at room temp and would output (not consume ) about 70w

Just enough for a raspberry pi to be self powered

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Microsoft gives away more data with SkyDrive upgrade

dorsetknob
FAIL

NSA NEEDS YOUR DATA UPLOAD YOUR FULL 25 Gig

"" You know Microslut will keep it safe and secure from prying spies""

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Portuguese chicken invades Spanish airspace

dorsetknob

Re: like it

'lo que joder es this'

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Google proposes eye-tracking ad-tracking

dorsetknob
FAIL

Re: Eye predict

what about the " Porn Effect "

what Adverts will Guggle serve when i browse in my local XXX shop ?

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Kiwi jetpack gets all-clear for manned tests

dorsetknob

Yeh Exploding petrol (gasoline for US readers) Stations

"Quote"

And with conventional petrol (gasoline for US readers) powering the engine, CEO Peter Coker says users could drop into an ordinary service station for a top-up.""

"Unquote"

expect this to happen BIG BANG

You can always smell a Petrol station because of the (explosive ) fumes in the air and are you willing to land a jet Pack in your petrol station with its very hot naked flame exhaust belching inches away from your Darwin sacks.

Buy a Jet pack and immediately Qualify for a Darwin Award First Class

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Blighty street has hottest Wi-Fi hotspot hottie in Europe: We reveal where

dorsetknob

"" QUOTE "" Free Wi-Fi is spreading rapidly in the UK even if some users are billed for it. ""UNQUOTE ""

Then its NOT FREE

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Apple files 'Bonk to Gift' near field communication patent application

dorsetknob

every time i hear the word Apple

"" I think of the wicked witch/stepmother in Sleeping beauty and that poisoned Apple """

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Superstar cluster-Zuck as Facebook tries out celeb-only edition

dorsetknob
Coat

"""" And Anna Chapman ."""

friends with benefits Eh!!

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Microsoft to fund Blake's 7 return as Xbox Live exclusive

dorsetknob
Facepalm

I'm feeling a little suicidal this morning can you provide links to the American remake of Red Dwarf

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Boffins harvest TV, mobile signals for BATTERY-FREE comms

dorsetknob
Alien

Re: Illegal in the UK

Fu**ing Firefox ver 23 crashed while i was replying

cant be bothered typing my response again (was over 200 words )

Short response

URBAN MYTH no its not not unless i grown a pair of fairy wings as kids in the late 60s we kids played under pylons with flouresent tubes that glowed in the dark

try it yourself wave a flouresent tube through the air under a national grid power pylon and it will GLOW LIKE A JEDI SWORD

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dorsetknob
Alien

Re: Illegal in the UK

Its No urban myth Not unless i got a set of fairy wings on my back.

as a child back in the late 60s we used to visit relatives who lived adjacent to the national grid pylon network

we played with our cousins on the heath that these pylons crossed

my uncle's house had the power lines Cross directly overhead in the kitchen they had a twin 5ft florescent kitchen light fitted day or night it was always glowing even when switched off turn it on and it shone at full strength turn it off and the light dropped down to a just turned on threshold ( ie powered by the home owners mains = 1200 lumen turned of and powered by field effect or RF magnetic field = 200 lumen)

as kids we did not really notice this until my cousins said that's nothing watch this he then held up an old unbroken florescent tube by one end as by magic it glowed no wires just like a JEDI Sword

I Nearly Sh*t myself thinking power was going to jump from the pylon to the florescent tube like Lightning and electrocute my cousin.

when this did not happen like all kids we also had to have a go ( 8 yrs old and this was like REAL MAGIC ).

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So, you gonna foot this '$200bn' hacking bill, insurance giants asked

dorsetknob
FAIL

Re: Really?

The insurance industry AND LEGAL PROFESSION must look forward to this

Its a pure profit scam for them

charge extortionate premiums each year

Never pay out if claimed against because you were hacked

that unreported vulnerability that allowed your system to be hacked breaches our terms of policy

Please refer this matter to your system provider you need to SUE / claim against them for providing unsecure Software

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dorsetknob

And when your insurance company refuse to pay because your system was hacked because of an unreported exploit

"" I'm Sorry Your Policy cannot pay out as you failed to take reasonable precautions ""

"" we will have to raise your premiums Again ""

THIS HAS THE MAKINGS OF INSURANCE EXPLOITATION

pay your EXTORTED premium and they can / will always refuse to pay out claims saying its your fault you were negligent

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Curiosity sings 'Happy Birthday' to itself on Martian anniversary

dorsetknob
Devil

Re: Don't tell the RIAA!

Its an American Mafia organization they believe they have the right to sue you even if your Satan and live in hell

or God in Heaven

Somewhere in America every song and Hymn in the bible is copy right protected

wait till they start sueing all those churches worldwide for copyright infringment

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Highway from HELL: Volcano tears through 35km of crust in WEEKS

dorsetknob
FAIL

Re: A high-speed connection ?

Wrong technology

"" ITS FIREWIRE""

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Burger-rage horse dumps on McDonald's: Rider saddled with fat fine

dorsetknob
Trollface

Re: Damn horses

if you see a Mcdonalds on the hoof taking a Dump then photograph the event

make sure to contact your Local council so they can take action under the usual ANTI LITTER BY-LAWS

if they can fine a smoker for dropping a butt or a child for dropping a sweet wrapper then they can fine the rider for letting his Burger take a dump in Public and (maybe prosecute for indecent exposure as well)

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