* Posts by zb

181 posts • joined 10 Nov 2010

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

zb

Re: Jam...

I don't know about using Marmite as a lubricant but Vegemite has its good points when used as thermal paste

http://www.dansdata.com/goop.htm

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zb

Re: It wouldn't matter what you tell 'em...

Reminds me of a pal who is a consultant gynaecologist. His reply, when asked for free advice at a social event his reply is:

'I could not possibly answer without making a thorough examination, if you could loosen your clothes and lie down on the carpet I will do what I can'

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TrueCrypt hooked to life support in Switzerland: 'It must not die' say pair

zb
Coat

How about calling it

Crew Tripped

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China puts Windows 8 on TV, screams: 'SECURITY, GET IT OUT OF HERE!'

zb

That is ridiculous.

""The US has a law that requires anyone that has this data to report to the government ..."

Of course they don't, they don't need laws, don't need anyone to report anything the NSA, CIA and friends just barge in and take whatever they want. I doubt if China behaves any differently.

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Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

zb

OMG! They killed Kenny!

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Oracle's Larry Ellison has the MOST MASSIVE PACKAGE IN PUBLIC

zb

The really rich and cool bosses just take $1 pa just to show how trivial a few million is.

Buffet, Page, Bezos etc

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Android engineer: We DIDN'T copy Apple OR follow Samsung's orders

zb

In the words of mandy Rice-Davies

Well he would, wouldn't he?

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Never mind the HORSE MEAT, trading standards cuts'll hurt IT crowd, too

zb
Childcatcher

Warm and cuddly

FAST should be congratulated for being so worried about protecting children against dangerous toys and horsemeat. It is a calumny to suggest that they are at all concerned about the revenue of its members.

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Nominet bins Optical Express' appeal against 'It ruined my life' website

zb

Re: Sarcastic Panel

It was a case of who blinked first.

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Vint Cerf wanted to make internet secure from the start, but secrecy prevented it

zb

Re: Irrelevant

I think they are happy with the current deadlock

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Beat it, freetards! Dyn to shut down no-cost dynamic DNS next month

zb

.... their service is no way worth $25 a month

Wow, that would be expensive! But:

Quote

Dyn offers a 14-day free trial, after which Dynamic DNS Pro costs $25 per year. ®

Unquote

Still, even at $25 pa there are alternatives.

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Schoolkids given WORLD'S CHEAPEST TABLETS: Is it really that hard to swallow?

zb

Teach a (hu)man how to fish and (s)he will eat for the rest of their lives.

I can be a pedant too. I think you meant to say:

Teach a (hu)man how to fish and (s)he will eat for the rest of (her)his life.

Even then it seems to imply that humans are female.

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Can you tell a man's intelligence simply by looking at him? Yes

zb
Joke

The quality of comments is depressing

I started reading full of enthusiasm expecting to find up some new dumb blonde jokes. Nothing, zilch, nada! The El Reg readers have disappointed me.

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Returning a laptop to PC World ruined this bloke's credit score. Today the Supreme Court ended his 15-year nightmare

zb

Re: A bit missing from this article that sheds a different light..

Here in Brazil it is standard practice when buying anything electrical to test it in the store. The salesman takes you to the cashier and you pay. He then takes you to the tester who opens the box, checks all the contents, plugs in the device and allows you to have a little play to make sure that it all works. You then have a 3 working day guarantee :((

I have never bought a Windows computer but guess there must be a different procedure when the licence agreement comes up.

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Netflix needling you? BBC pimps up iPlayer ahead of BBC3 move

zb

Monetised

As an ex-pat I pay for a virtual server in London purely for receiving UK TV via Linux and SOCKS. That costs £90 pa and I have the pain of keeping the server up to date and secure. I am queuing up for the right to hand over some cash to the Beeb.

And the other thing that really pisses me off is that I can get most BBC radio broadcasts via iPlayer in Linux, Mac or Windows without the proxy but nothing using Android. Again, if it was a matter of payment I would be the first in the queue.

Why don't they wise up and either let me in for free or let me in for payment?

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Fee fie Firefox: Mozilla's lawyers probe Dell over browser install charge

zb

Not my lawyer

If only I could get him to charge me only £200 per hour. I pay that for him to say good morning.

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Zaphod Beeblebrox style third arm cyborg prosthesis unveiled

zb

Huh?

Me eccentric? Never!

It is little known fact that in addition to the extra head and arm I also have a second penis

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I NEVER DONE BITCOIN, says bloke fingered by new Newsweek

zb

Free lunch

I would deny being the creator if there was a free lunch in it.

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Delhi police forget passwords to corruption portal, ignore 600 crimes

zb

The cat was fitted up

It was the dog wot done it.

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Google will dodge EU MONSTER FINES by 'promoting' rival search services

zb

Deja vu

Reminds me of when Microsoft propped up Apple to avoid accusations of a monopoly. I guess keeping a weak competitor's pulse beating will be enough of a fig leaf for the powers that be. Unless, of course, that competitor revives and outperforms its saviour.

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This THREESOME is a HANDFUL: It’s the Asus Transformer Book Trio

zb
FAIL

I think this product is going to fall between three stools.

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Hello Moto: Lenovo grabs Motorola biz for $3bn. But Google's KEEPING the patents

zb

So I guess that's $3bn odd corporation tax advantage

Well, it would be, if Google actually paid taxes.

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IBM's bailed out of the server market - will they dump Storwize next?

zb

Or perhaps if they concentrate on software and services...

The rest of the article was padding.

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Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

zb

Re: Nothing new here

I always wondered where Captain Mainwairing went after he left the bank.

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Thanks for suggesting eBay should flog PayPal. It's not happening, CEO tells Carl Icahn

zb

Re: Exactly

I used to buy eBay a lot but they made it so difficult to use without Paypal that I had to give up. Now I mostly use Amazon but do miss the auctions. Paypal is about as useful and safe as sending a fist full of fivers by post.

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Good news: 'password' is no longer the #1 sesame opener, now it's '123456'

zb

Re: a piece that is easy to play with only one thumb

I prefer Mike Batt's derivative work "A Minute's Silence" but it may be too short to provide a secure password.

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Devs write 'film my shag' sex app for Google Glass

zb

Why?

Why would a glasshole need a woman? Surely Glass provides all he needs.

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High Court derails Google defence in Safari browser stalker cookie brouhaha

zb

Re: Whataboutery

Nooo, Google can ignore anything because they are Google. They don't need any reasons other than that, by definition, anything they do is not evil.

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Fanbois, prepare to lose your sh*t as BRUSSELS KILLS IPHONE dock

zb
Thumb Up

Give some credit where it is deue

This is a nice example of the EC getting things right. It happens more often than people think but it is only the absurdities that get any publicity.

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Apple fanbois warned: No, Cupertino HASN'T built a Bitcoin mining function into Macs

zb

Re: "4chan really have become a bunch of morons of late."

It is called terminal stupidity.

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Munich signs off on Open Source project

zb

Re: €30 million @Chemist 09:18

If they looked at all? Of course they wouldn't, they would neither know nor care. This is way outside the standard political debate.

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How UK air traffic control system was caught asleep on the job

zb

About time El Reg noticed this story.

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If you want an IT job you'll need more than a degree, say top techies

zb

Re: A time machine helps, too.

Don't forget the many years experience but age limit of 32

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Ditch your boring iPhone for a hot Android piece, says Google's TOTALLY UNBIASED Eric Schmidt

zb

Re: American-centric?

No, they don't celebrate Christmas in the USA. They do have something called the 'holiday season'

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When three Linux journos go crowdfunding

zb

I used to be a UK and then Spanish LXF subscriber for many years. When I moved to Brazil the subscription became too expensive and I stopped. They can put me down for an electronic subscription if the price is sensible.

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Not so Saucy after all: Ubuntu reveals Mirless Salamander... and what, no Britney?

zb

Re: The scopes aren't why I'm upgrading

I thought that 3.11 was Windows :)

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Wanna run someone over in your next Ford? No dice, it won't let you

zb

... object avoidance must look like a piffling production

If that were true my wife would hit a lot fewer objects,

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Dear Apple: Want to stay in business? Make an iPhone people can afford

zb

Re: El Reg is getting worse....

Ferrari is owned by Fiat. Have you noticed Mercedes and their Smart Car or BMW and their Seies 1? Your car analogy is faulty

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MI5 boss: Snowden leaks of GCHQ methods HELPED TERRORISTS

zb

Re: Details please.

OMG I just ticked the 'like' icon. Does that mean that they will be coming to get me?

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Ubuntu 13.10: Meet the Linux distro with a bizarre Britney Spears fixation

zb

Re: @ Pete 2 - Reversing Moore's Law

As a long lime Quicksilver user on a Mac I found Unity very easy to use and would not be without it. It took a day or two to get used to Quicksilver and now I find it very hard to use Windows, Gnome etc.

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Hundreds of hackers sought for new £500m UK cyber-bomber strike force

zb
Stop

Re: Money for old rope.

No, no, no! You have read that all wrong.

The £500 is split £450m for the consultants advising th goverment and £50m for the hackers. Except it will be over budget and scrapped before they actualy employ any hackers.

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Hacker cracks Vodafone Germany, steals data of 2 million customers

zb

Re: "Hardly possible"?

I doubt if it is a coincidence that when I put the German version into Google translate it came up with:

"It is hardly possible for the perpetrator"

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Smartwatch craze is all just ONE OFF THE WRIST

zb

The most annoying thing

Nobody mentioned the most annoying thing about digtal watches: they are too accurate.

Ask a someone what the time is and they come back with 3.32 and 15 seconds. Glance at a digital clock and you will see 3:32:15pm This is too much information. All I need to know is "just after 3.30" or "nearly 25 to".

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Beat the UK's incoming smut filter: Pre-censor your grumble flicks

zb

seven people of small stature peeking as Snow White ...

Now that takes me back 50 years and the best porno movie title I ever saw:

'The dwarf and the seven Snow Whites'

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Microsoft - do you really think you can take on Google with Nokia?

zb

Mutual support

They remind me of two drunks leaning against each other each needing the support to stop falling over.

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Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak disses Ashton Kutcher's Steve Jobs

zb

Who cares?

Hollywood has never told an accurate real life story of anyone, anywhere or any event.

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Snowden journalist's partner gave Brit spooks passwords to seized files

zb

Of coure it isn't

"... but it's not something that we requested ..."

Uncle Sam does not need to make requests. A slightly raised eybrow is all it takes for the British flunkies to run around in circles anticipating every wish.

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Google goes dark for 2 minutes, kills 40% of world's net traffic

zb

I had heard that Homer Simpson had a new job at Google

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Nude swimmers warned of GONAD-GOBBLING FISH ON THE LOOSE

zb

Re: Many testicles are lost annually to kitchen appliance malfunctions

Well the fire brigade is used to dealing with a penis stuck in a toaster

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/jul/30/penis-toaster-message-fire-brigade-fiftyshadesofred

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Bill Gates's barbed comments pop Google's broadband balloons

zb
Joke

Leave it to Al Gore

I expect he will invent a cure for malaria

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