PC Gamers

Should be looking forward to Dark Souls.

Rushdie Affair, Filkin Inquiry, Hinduja Affair, etc, etc...

And where do I go to express my deep concern about The Rt Hon MP for Leicester East..?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Keith_Vaz

There's something strange about the moon

I entered DNF with an open mind and came out with an impartial, balanced view of the game - as I like to think I do for all my reviews.

I can't speak for other review sites, but I firmly suspect the majority of reviewers did likewise.

It's easy to speculate about some cynical, conspiratorial attack on DNF, 3D Realms or Gearbox, or some wider disparagement of old-skool mechanics, or, most damning of all, perfunctory, sheeple journalism.

And I completely understand the allure of conspiracy theories (Nibiru, DUMBs, 'a measure of wheat for a penny' anyone?).

But once in a while you just have to sit back, chillax, and accept that...

... drum roll...

... drum roll...

... drum roll...

... DUKE NUKEM FOREVER WAS CRAP!

Epic Suicide on the servers this weekend, EA...

... but the 13 killstreak I achieved with an RPG, a tight corridor on Tehran's Highway and a gaggle fuck of noobs just about made up for it last night.

Oh, dear. Alarm bells ringing.

To stand any chance, Nintendo had to get the Wii-U to market by Q2 next year. Demonstrating the 'final build' at E3 would realistically equate to a Q3 release in Japan and the US and a (hopeful) Q4 release in Europe.

Unless that 'final build' is significantly more powerful than the specs released so far, the 720 and PS4's likely unveiling at E3 will urinate on Nintendo's proverbial fire, even though it's highly unlikely we'll see either at retail before Q3 2013.

That means the Wii-U has just one year to establish its market position, during which we'll be bombarded by a continuous drip feed of 720 and PS4 specs and previews.

The high cost of additional controllers will likely put casual 'family' buyers off, leaving the Wii-U to compete in the hardcore space against vastly superior hardware.

And although the 'Nintendo difference' will always make its products an attractive alternative, I expect the Wii-U's USP will be severely eroded by 720/Win Phone and PS4/PSP Vita combos.

Nintendo should have taken a bite from Apple's marketing strategy and remained schtum on the Wii-U's features until the very last minute.

Add this to the 3DS catastrophe and who would bet against Mario et-al going mutliformat within the next gen?

#Not Again

Small tip for you, Not Again... Don't bother taking on the skeletons if you're still too weak. There's plenty left to do in Undead Burg. Follow this video for an early farming opportunity (it yields 300 soul points each time) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbKZz-d8xvs. Then spend the soul points with the Undead Burg merchant on a Short Bow and Large Arrows (Crossbow won't do). Depending which class you are (I was a Sorcerer), you might also need to boost your Dexterity to wield the bow.

Once you can wield the bow and arrow, head back to the Dragon bridge and snipe the Dragon's tail (takes about 20 shots) to collect the Dragon Sword. It's the most powerful single-handed early weapon you can get your hands on, and is relatively easy to wield for all classes.

That should give you a real head start...

AppleBlaster

Cheers for that, Jedit.

I didn't write that Android was ahead of the game, Neoc, just the easier platform. Jailbreaking iOS and pairing a Wiimote for emulators is one thing, but playing an official iOS game with an unauthorised third-party controller is another game entirely.

In its present form, the appBlaster doesn't interface with iOS in any way, so it can't transgress Apple's interface restrictions. If 'appBlaster 2.0' were to have the imaginary bluetooth controls mentioned, developers like Gameloft would have to openly support the interface, which would require a sea change in Apple policy.

Since Google places no restrictions on third-party devices/interfaces, the likelihood of seeing an 'appBlaster 2.0' on Android is that much greater.

Some jailbreak coders are attempting to create a wrapper on iOS that hijacks the touchscreen protocols and conveys those inputs through to a controller (which would retrofit to any and every existing iOS FPS), but they haven't succeeded yet.

I predict a riot

Thank God it's just videogames to blame. I was starting to worry it might be that hundreds of sink estates pretty much operate in a parallel, alternative society, with their own blackmarket economy and rule of law. Or that the Police and Government hasn't paid enough attention to rising gang culture. Or even some ridiculous link between the economy and social unrest. I mean, some crazy fool might even extrapolate that high youth unemployment, rising living costs and benefit cuts might have something to do with anarchic disaffected youth.

Seems all we have to do to stop the riots is close down Game. Or we could just have the looters do it for us. Two birds, one stone 'n all that...

Three night looting Paris would be nice.

Gamers don't do life.

My point, @jake, if I've correctly interpreted your initial comment, is that you implied my pastime is somehow unworthy of commentary or intellectual debate. That I should 'step outside' and 'visit the planet I was born on' is suggestive of the specious predicate that gamers are mindless, highly addicted, basement dwellers - one as flawed as it is assumptive.

I strongly believe that, like myself, the average 'mature' gamer is not unary in his/her interests or intellect, but is as diverse and well-rounded as the next person.

Given that none of the examples proffered 'impacts your day-to-day' life, by your logic, should I conclude that you live as sequestered a life as that which you indirectly accuse gamers of?

Twin Sticks @M Gale

There are quite a few options for controllers on Android now. I reviewed this little number a few months ago, which, at the time, was about the best you could lay your hands on. But since then, some crazy kids have been plugging Xbox and PS3 controllers into Honeycomb 3.1 tablets with great results:

PS3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8eILB24YAQs

Xbox 360: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Omyv6YzBmA

(External site, no apologies for swearing, background bedroom mess, monotonous delivery, etc...)

Not sure how well Leo's RC Simulator would work, but should be okay if it allows custom mapping. Perhaps you might need BluezIME as well, which is free on Market.

Paris - twin-sticks, plug, innuendo, geddit?

@jake

Dude, plenty of angst for the 'outside'... Norwegian nutjobs, US debt filibustering, bankers' bonuses, wealth division, oil dependence, cult of celebrity, Islamism, creationism, blah, blah, blah. Just not sure anyone wants to read about them on a tech site. ;o)

Xperia Play - nice pad, shame about the rest...

... @turnip handler. http://www.reghardware.com/2011/04/19/review_sony_ericsson_xperia_play/

Use the Kinect, Luke...

After 10 minutes on Child of Eden, I'm actually starting to think Star Wars Kinect could work.

Still, that 10 minutes also showed Nintendo Thumb ain't got nothing on Kinect Arm!

Er... ticket(s), please

And it's my 37th birthday next week. How timely is that!

That might make me an 'average gamer' in this world, but dare call me that on the battlefield when I've got a Mithril Halberd +10 Fire Damage in my hand!

Don't diss the Shatner, dude...

ST2 - Wrath of Khan... well, everything excluding the bit where he shouts Khhhhhhaaaaaaaaaan.

Battlefield 3

Colours + mast = nailed.

Portal 2

Was reviewed on PC, not Xbox 360, although both versions were tested.

We try to alternate the review platforms where possible. But, as johnnytruant so kindly points out, reviewing any online title for the PS3 has been somewhat of a challenge of late!

I'd go for David Lucke's suggestion

Playing dual stick shooters using the Fling is, in a word, glorious. - TouchArcade.com

Er... it's not the twin-sticks that's the problem for FPSs - although the screen admittedly does get greasy at times - it's using twin sticks AND BUTTONS.

Paris - because I'm sure she'd help me find a way to twiddle and push the button at the same time.

GymGoal

Thanks for pointing out that GymGoal ISN'T available for Android yet, PowerSurge. That was a mistake in my article. It is only available on iOS at present.

Here's hoping SmalTek do an Android version soon, as I really can't recommend it enough.

Runkeeper Pro...

... is a GPS running device. It was selected because of the ubiquity of iOS and Android devices, and its relative inexpense. Other competing technologies, such as GPS Motion X, were considered, but Runkeeper came out on top for simplicity and its excellent website social network.

Pleasure Island in Aldershot

Was the second best arcade in the country after Southend's Sunspot.

But I digress.

R-Type (of course), Saint Dragon, Darius Twin and Ninja Warriors (three screens, man!), Test Drive, Virtua Racing, F1 Circus (one of those funny Japanese lost in translations), Commando, Xevious, Choplifter, 1943, Ghosts and Goblins, Rastan, Bad Dudes vs Dragon Ninja, Smash TV, Sidewinder, Contra. I could go on and on...

Oh, and ps that's a picture from the original Street Fighter. If my memory serves me correctly, it only had two (very big) buttons for each player (and wasn't very good).

Minority Refute

No. I didn't have to recalibrate Kinect after the inital set-up. I played Kinect for approximately thirty hours in total, during the day with sunlight streaming behind Kinect through my bay window, at dusk, in very dim conditions without artificial light, and at night-time with nothing but artificial light.

Kinect never once failed to recognise the players, and never once stuttered as a consequence of poor lighting conditions. The reviewer did not, however, keep changing his clothes or the colour of his sofa, so he concedes to the possibility that more thorough testing might have highlighted minor issues.

What I won't concede to, however, is that the technology isn't impressive, even allowing for minor flaws that he personally didn't experience.

I am no fanbois, and I'm certainly not in the paid employ of Microsoft. I'm just a dedicated gamer and technology enthusiast.

If Clive Sinclair had made Kinect, I would still be singing its praises. It's not perfect, and the initial launch titles do little to dispel doubts over motion-controlled gaming in general, but it is the best mass-market motion-controlled gaming device available. And it is fun, even for a die-hard hardcore gamer like myself.

The turgid dimension

The 360 version also has stereoscopic 3D, unlike the television sets of 99.9% of gamers. Zzzzzzzzz.

Paris - because she's in her own dimension.

Kino der toten

I'd pay Game £25 to take back my copy of Dead Rising 2.

Seriously, though. If the first two hours are anything to go by, I'd trade in my gran for Black Ops.

Paris - just because.