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* Posts by Imsimil Berati-Lahn

160 posts • joined 27 Oct 2010

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NSA spies recorded an entire COUNTRY'S phone calls for a MONTH: Report

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: "...in one unnamed country..."

I wonder what it's like being a citizen of <NUL>.

If you forget when your doctors appointment is, can you get the NSA to text you a reminder?

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Blighty goes retro with 12-sided pound coin

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: Good Idea

This sort of talk always reminds me of "Capstick comes home"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I2AcJSkUw6M&feature=kp

circa 2:23 from this recording but worth listening to the whole thing, I think.

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Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: ... and a fitting tribute this is.

"€9.99 is less than £9.99."...

...at time of posting.

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Five unbelievable headlines that claim Tim Berners-Lee 'INVENTED the INTERNET'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: The Internet!

Soon only the Google certified version of history will be studied.

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Projector on a smartphone? There's a chip for that

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: asteroids... et al.

EEEEH! Battlezone!!!

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Neil Young touts MP3 player that's no Piece of Crap

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Oh Emperor! Your new clothes do look wonderful!

Zero / minimal phase >distortion< perhaps? That'd be a Finite Impulse Response filter then...

Oh, but they don't want to be using such a negative word as "distortion" in marketing bumf.

Maybe try "maximum phase fidelity" instead of just avoiding the "D" word + sack their marketing dept + pay me a F.O. huge commission. (yeah, right).

Nothing to see here I'd venture, however a definite whiff of snake oil / BS. Oh, the smell of it.

Here's interesting though.

Found this from the annals of the Salzburg Konservatorium, circa 1800

Regard: the new UberKlingen.

Guarranteed to be nicer than your current StuckSheize in a manner that is not clearly defined or objectively measurable in any way.

Endorsed by Ludwig Van-Beethoven.

Only 5x the price of equivalent apparatus not carrying said endorsement.

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Just a quick question?

Are hipster women also suffering from beard envy?

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Actor who played Rogue Two in Star Wars dies aged 67

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Fist full of travellers cheques

It has been mentioned, but I'll always remember him as the unhinged cafe owner in this Comic Strip classic.

Keep calm, Marie.

That's an awfully big bus. There could be six people in there.

Jesus! If they only buy coffee, it'll be enough to pay the ground rent.

Condolences.

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SCRAP the TELLY TAX? Ancient BBC Time Lords mull Beeb's future

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: The BBC never really recovered...

"...Why don't we just sell the entire country for scrap..."

Thatcher already did that.

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Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: People of Walmart

Thank you for the warning.

I still require eye bleach but it is my own stupid, STUPID fault.

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Object to #YearOfCode? You're a misogynist and a snob, says the BBC

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Simple solution.

Legislate that it is prohibited for anyone under the age of 25 to learn about computers or to write and implement computational algorithms.

Suddenly, the topic acquires a mysitque and subversive caché.

Teenagers throughout the land will be clamouring to learn and understand the forbidden knowledge.

It can't be worse than the current, ham-handed deployment of besuited politicos endeavouring to be "down wiv da kids" which is naff at best and seems to be quite counterproductive from what I have heard. Buuut, maybe that is their ultimate intention.

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Drone expert: Amazon's hypetastic delivery scheme a pie in the sky

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

How fast can these things fly??!!

My nearest Amazon "fulfilment centre" (sounds more like a fancy name for a brothel if you asked me, but anyway...) is Swansea, a full 80 miles away as the multi-rotor-crow flies, assuming it can make it over the Brecons. Even if the pick, pack and pre-flight process is >instant<, that thing will still have to pull an average 160mph to get my Chinese-crapola to me in 30 minutes. I would not want to get in its way.

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Post-Profit Prophet RUSSELL BRAND is the HUMBLE CHRIST of STARTUPS

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Champagne socialists.

Every generation has their crop of these. I have very little time for them. Many a true word spoken in jest (vid circa 2:03) He is in the employ of the ruling elite, massaging away potential revolutionary ideas. The buffoon is made the most earnest face and voice of ideas which have gained traction recently amonst disenfranchised erstwhile capitalists, thereby eroding the credibility of such ideas for the wider populace. A most elegantly deployed weapon, (if in a somewhat inelegant guise this time round).

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Japanese boffins unveil INVINCIBLE robot rock, paper, scissors 'bot

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Slow news day / year? See 28/06/2012

Are we going to get a re-telling of this same story every year now?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/06/28/janken_robot/

Could have saved a bit of server space by just posting a link to the article published last year.

Thought there would have been new information.

Turns out there wasn't.

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Ubisoft's Watch Dogs muzzled by delays

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Probably Ubisoft and Thales marketing bods had a pow-pow

They got together over cocktails and prozzies to decide that it would be in both their interests if certain inane media bleatings were made.

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Students prep for battle of wits, MIPs and watts: It's student cluster-wrestling time

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Just a quick question...

The maximum supply current stipulation, (26A industrial, 15A commercial grade): What supply voltage is that? Is it the standard single-live 120VRMS, the large appliance twin-live 240VRMS or some other "standard".

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Atomic clocks come to your wrist

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Pint

Oh yeah, and by the way...

Symmetricom just came back with a quote for their CSAC:

$2000 each, (MOQ of 10).

A rough calculation for the remaining parts:

machining that fugly f'ckin case: $500

That fugly f'ckin dial and hands: $100

Clock mechanics: $10

The electronics to mount CSAC and interface its 1PPS to mechanics: $10

Total BOM cost: $2620.

Down the pub with the remaining $10,000 then?

Woo-hoo, party on!

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Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Meh

Chip Scale Atomic Clock.

I expect they're using Symmetricom's heart-of-gold for this fugly timepiece:

http://www.symmetricom.com/products/frequency-references/chip-scale-atomic-clock-csac/SA.45s-CSAC/

module size approx 40.5x35x12mm

No mention of battery life for this chronometer.

All very well to have a watch that keeps time to +/- 1 second every thousand years, but if it only runs for 15 minutes at a time...

In a syllable: MEH.

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Reg readers! You've got 100 MILLION QUID - what would you BLOW it on?

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

£100 million?

I'd buy 20 billion Mojos

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Valve shows Linux love with SteamOS for gamers

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

XBMC support?

Will SteamOS support XBMC, d'yreckon? Or will Valve be locking you in to their media provision ecosystem and try to make it as difficult as they can for you to run 3rd party media software. Well, I suppose we can always dual-boot, ne?

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David Attenborough warns that humans have stopped evolving

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: Who TF is David Attenborough? @Shagbag

Spectacular piece of trollery there, old chap.

Hats off to you, indeed.

Not that I wish to encourage such stuff, but some people really should learn to

NOT FEED THE TROLL!

I'd venture there's enough troll food here to sustain your average Ringlefinch for about a year.

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Headmaster calls cops, tries to dash pupil's uni dreams - over a BLOG

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Fair play to the kid for speaking out... and good luck with that.

I guess the rest of us developed this kind of cynical insight on society around the same time as we learned to keep our f'ckin gobs shut cos otherwise you get shat on, big time.

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Boffinry breakthrough OF THE DECADE: Teens 'influenced' by friends

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

...but Holmes!... Yes, Dr Watson. What is it?

It's quite perplexing. I can't find any excrement, at all!

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Samsung Galaxy S4 Active: The mobe for CHUCK NORRIS TYPES

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Thumb Up

Re: About bloody time!

I'm with you on this one dajames.

Ubiquitous electronics, such as mobile phones have become, should be like wristwatches insofar as you shouldn't have to worry about them if you get caught out in a downpour without a brolly. They should be as impervious to the elements as the human body. A quick towelling off and happy happy once more, not like my poor old 3110 which caught a fatal cold and died a week later. I have been more careful with my mobes since.

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MYSTERY of Guardian mobos and graphics cards which 'held Snowden files'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: Huge flaw in article

Actual dialogue:

"Spook: So i'm going to spend the day out of the office destroying computer equipment? Oh well, if I get to claim expenses..."

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Kiwi jetpack gets all-clear for manned tests

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Pint

Re: Do not want.

I'm inclined to agree.

My first thoughts were (cue 8 year old's voice) wow! cool!

But then I imagined if everyone had one...

Pub closing time would look like a mid-summer ants nest with lots of bizzare creatures wafting skywards uncontrollably, colliding, falling. Eeek.

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ULTIMATE cuppa contenders prepare to go mug-to-mug

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

Pierre Josef Proudhon will not be participating.

Because "Proper-tea is theft!"

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Police probe IDIOTIC Twitter bomb threats slung at journalists

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Re: Point of order:

Then probably we need to formalise and release Netiquette 2.0, deprecate all that crap about plain text etc and make it a relevant and applicable standard.

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Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Headmaster

Point of order:

"proper etitquette to online behaviour" = netiquette.

This one has been with us for quite some time now, certainly longer than 5 years.

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Transdimensional rift appears above Australian bolt supplier

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

An enormous pair of pliers has appeared...

Seen something similar before.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMEPnKYX5C0

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Murdoch machinations mean Microsoft must rename SkyDrive

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

AirChive

Note the camel-case

other detritus from the bottom of my tea mug

Datasphere

Cumulus

CosmoDisk

Anoxia

VapourPlatter

EtherLib

okay, bored now.

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Beam me up? Not in the life of this universe

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

Matter transporter

I have a matter transporter in my shed.

Most people call it a bicycle though.

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For pity's sake: DON'T MOVE to the COUNTRY if you want to live

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Rural UK accident rates scientific survey.

The following documentary is FACT.

There is absolutely no evidence to support it but it is a fact.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0GyRz_lOQA

So based on the scientific study thereby conducted, if you so much as clap eyes on a farm in the UK, you >will< die one of the horrible, grizzly deaths detailed therin.

My scienceings are now concluded.

Give me my PhD immediately.

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US Navy coughs $34.5m for hyper-kill railgun that DOESN'T self-destruct

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Sea Snake torpedo anyone?

"Delve special". Series 2, episode 1: A rocket for defence.

or for the more visual amongst you

"This is David Lander". Series 1, episode 5: The rocketing cost of defence.

Both as true today as they ever were. Truer, even.

Trouble with parody these days is that it's difficult make fiction more absurd than the reality it is mocking.

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Idaho patriots tool up to battle Jihad with pork bullets

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Devil

A firey furnace sounds quite nice to a Norwegian in winter time.

Those least assured of their own convictions are the harshest critics of others'.

Besides which, Haram implies volition. Unwillingly ingesting that which is not Halal, is not itself Haram.

Forcing someone to do so is though.

So the perpetrator of forced or unwilling ingestion will of course, burn in the eternal fire of perdition but since the fine folks intent on deploying these meaty munitions are already infidels there is little or no change to their supposed fate.

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Osbo jacks up spending on spooks to keep us safe from TERROR

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Pint

I'm a big fan of the security industrial complex, but...

I keep coming back to this:

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."

Benjamin Franklin, 1759, (or about tea-time).

A gentleman who, by today's standards would almost certainly be categorised as a terrorist.

Flying a kite in a thunderstorm? Why sir, that is madness!

Beer, because of the alcohol reference:

"Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards; there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy"

Benjamin Franklin, 1779.

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Ex-CIA techie Edward Snowden: I am the NSA PRISM deepthroat

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Facepalm

oh my! how splendidly re-entrant.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

H. L. Mencken

But now the government has been unmasked as the biggest hobgoblin of all.

Whatever are we to do?!

<headless chicken dance... ooh, ooh, Mister Peevly >

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Kettle 'which looks like HITLER' brews up sturm in a teacup

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Thumb Up

Re: Oh, THAT Hitler....

Hooray!

I've not watched "Bottom" in ages.

Time to break out the box set.

Thanks pal!

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Cameron eyes 'non legislative options' for more spook snoop powers

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
WTF?

Seriously, WTF?

"...95 per cent of serious crimes involve the use of communications data."

Yeah, also 100% of serious crimes involve the use of oxygen.

I'd be intrigued to know how the remaining 5% of serious crimes involve NO use of communication data.

Not even a phonecall? Seriously? WTF?

Perhaps they organise themselves with the use of Ouija boards and scrying mirrors?

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Unemployed? Ugly? Ugh, no thanks, says fitties-only job website

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

We have all seen the future.

Are these people Eloi or are they Morlock?

You decide!

Phone in now on 0898 6031769*

*(pre-recorded show, phone lines now closed).

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'Catastrophic failure' of 3D-printed gun in Oz Police test

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
WTF?

Re: A Controvertial Topic (for a change)

Perhaps I am being naíve to the point of stupidity, but why is it that everybody seems to gang up on Eadon?

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TOO GOOD! Groupon ex-boss to drop, er, 'motivational business album'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Stop

This is the number one song in heaven...

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide... etc...

First against the wall, come the revolution...

Why do I find such pious self belief annoying?

I don't even know the guy, why would I hate him?

I'm sure he's just a regular person really, isn't he?

Makes my f#ckin' skin crawl though, it does, it really does.

I guess that's my problem, not his.

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US boffin builds 32-way Raspberry Pi cluster

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Happy

Fnarr fnarr...

"http://www.titanuscomputers.com"

hehehehehee... he said "tight anus"

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Life on Mars means subsisting on grim diet of turd-garden spinach

Imsimil Berati-Lahn

Hmmmm.

"Earthbound farmers are known to be at "high risk" of suicide,"...

Statistical anomaly caused by easy access to lethal chemicals and firearms, I'd venture.

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'Liberator': Proof that you CAN'T make a working gun in a 3D printer

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coat

If we can print and ACTUAL Liberator, then I'm interested.

You know, the groovy alien space ship from Blake's 7.

I want mine with fully functioning Zen computer and teleport bracelets too, if you please.

Mine's the one with the perspex rod 'blaster' in the gunbelt.

"Down and safe."

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Thousands rally behind teen girl cuffed, expelled in harmless 'explosion'

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Coffee/keyboard

Re: OOPS! @Psyx

"obstinate wankery..."

FPMSL.

New keyboard please!

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Why next iPhone screen could be made of SAPPHIRE - and a steal...

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Re: I saw what you did there... All I have to say on the matter is...

All irregularities will be handled by the forces controlling each dimension.

Trans-uranic heavy elements may not be used where there is life.

Medium atomic weights are available.

Gold, lead, copper, jet, diamond, radium, sapphire, silver and steel.

Sapphire and steel have been assigned.

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CURSE you, EINSTEIN! Humanity still chained in relativistic PRISON

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Thumb Up

Re: Stupid question

With this ASCII art you are really spoiling us.

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Reg hack to starve on £1 a day for science

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Go

Best of luck!

I hope your challenge goes well.

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COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO: NASA rovers scrawl giant willy on Mars

Imsimil Berati-Lahn
Childcatcher

We academics are above this sort of thing...

...and yet we still make mention of it.

http://www.space.com/20813-mars-penis-spirit-rover-tracks.html

Whilst shaking our heads and tutting (and trying >hard< to stifle a smirk).

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