* Posts by 45RPM

181 posts • joined 26 Oct 2010

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

45RPM
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Re: NOO!!!

@tirk

…or regain your virginity.

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El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

45RPM
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Aww. You made it match iOS 7. Was that intentional?

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Microsoft: Hey, don’t forget Visual Basic! Open source and new features coming

45RPM
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Re: Gambas

@Codejunky

Something like VB, but for Linux? How about Xojo then? Previously known as RealBasic, you can find it here - http://www.xojo.com

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45RPM
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Re: No need to move away from VB

@NotInventedHere

"They're both top notch languages with extremely strong capabilities, they both run on the same platforms, and can both achieve exactly the same things."

They don't both run on the same platforms though do they? C# runs on pretty much anything - especially now that Microsoft has done the decent thing and open-sourced it. Linux? No problem! Mac OS X? No problem! And the source code is available - so you can bet anything you like it'll end up in the likes of ReactOS soon - if it hasn't already. VisualBasic runs on Windows and… No, that's it. Just Windows*. And in this modern world of tablets and smart phones, where (according to several reports**) the most used OS in the world is from Mountain View, and the second most used is from Cupertino, a programming language that only works for an OS with diminishing market share is no good at all.

Satya Nadella is doing an amazing job of halting the slide into irrelevance that seemed to be Ballmer's mission plan for Microsoft. The problem with VB is that it doesn't really have a raison d'être any more. VBA kind of does, but it needs to be extended to encompass the entire OS and everything that runs on it (like AppleScript). Then it would be truly useful. If this isn't done then it's just an esoteric and kind of crufty language which needs to be taken outside and given an overdose of barbiturates and vodka.

*Okay, old versions run on MS-DOS too. Hardly counts as cross platform though, does it?

**Taking into account mobile OS's, Gartner pegs Google's share at 41%, Apple's at 25% and Microsoft's at 22%. You can argue that the figures are wrong - and they probably are, but what can't be argued is that the heady days of Windows 95 are long gone, and one can no longer rely on ones users running Windows.

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Parliament face-sit-in to spark mass debate on UK's stiff smut stance

45RPM
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Re: Shop door

@AC

Yes, yes, that’s all very well. But do you have a link to a rip of the DVD concerned? I think we should be able to make up our own minds how depraved this so-called filth is.

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45RPM
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Re: Shop door

@Powernumpty - Your argument is irrelevant because this isn’t about protecting the children (oh won’t somebody please think of the children!). This law won’t make it any harder for children (or anyone else) to get hold of seriously hard core smut. It won’t make it illegal to distribute or view scenes of lovely ladies squirting and spanking, or lusty lads pissing and swearing. It’ll just make it illegal for such porn to be made in the UK. You’ll still be able to get hold of this content, and you’ll be safe in the knowledge that they’re Muricans or Russkies. If the content is legal to distribute and view then it should be legal to make as well. This is just a farkin’ ridiculous law made by a bunch of politicos who are desperately out of touch.

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45RPM
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@Raumkraut Aha. No. Wait. I still don’t understand. Surely the thing to do is just prohibit the squirting of water into the woman beforehand. It’d have to be self policing ofcourse, making it kind of pointless, but if the porn starlet objected then she’d have legal grounds to prosecute her employer I suppose.

As for banning urination, why? It’s not my thing - but if others get their kicks by peeing (or shitting) on each other, why should I care? It’s not going to spoil my day. Besides, in my practical experience, surely there’s no need to add water - the amount of liquid an aroused woman can squirt is truly astonishing (unless there’s some new ‘fill the bath with fanny-juice’ kink that I’m not aware of).

And has anyone died because their lady friend sat on their face? I think that we should told. In the meantime, I have some research to be getting on with.

Darling, get the leather out, I’m on my way…

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45RPM
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Why the hell would female ejaculation be banned? And a spot of face sitting never hurt anyone. Is it case that what gives a man pleasure is fine (within limits), but what gives a woman pleasure is to be prohibited. Ridiculous.

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VW's Scirocco diesel: A sheep in Wolfsburg’s clothing

45RPM
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I loved my Scirocco. It was a 1982 GT in Mars red with Pirelli Alloys. It was fast for its day, but slow compared with this new version. Thing is, speed isn't everything - and I haven't found a modern car yet that isn't dull to drive. Too many safety gadgets have spoiled the fun. I don't deny that the gadgets are a good and worthy innovation, of course, responsible for saving many lives - but I rather enjoy the frisson of fear that comes with a car that has a tendency to seek out the nearest tree if one happens to over cook a corner.

To that end I put the kids in a staid and boring modern estate, and myself in a 1959 GT car. That way the future is assured even if my sorry arse isn't.

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The Glorious Resolution: Feast your eyes on 5 HiDPI laptops

45RPM
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Re: if you don’t need to run Windows... the best laptop is the MacBook Air.

@AbelSoul

No - bootcamp is available, but I don't want to use Bootcamp. For my use-case, the best tools are available for Mac OS X, so running it exclusively in bootcamp would defeat the purpose of it being a Mac. If I needed a laptop exclusively for Windows, I'd buy a Lenovo or a VAIO and have done with.

I'm sure that the Air can run Windows adequately in Bootcamp, but I know that it's very poor at running Windows in a virtual machine, and especially once you start working with Visual Studio, SQL Server and the rest.

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45RPM
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Got the MacBook Pro Retina 15”, and it’s a superb Unix Workstation on the move. Pretty crappy as a laptop, in my opinion, it’s just too big and too heavy - but the battery life is amazing, and the performance is fantastic. It can comfortably max out the Windows performance score - whilst running in a VMWare Fusion VM, and running multiple Mac programs as well. I don’t use it for Video Editing - mine gets used for cross platform development (all C, me), with Visual Studio, Xcode and Netbeans installed.

On balance though, if you don’t need to run Windows or have HiDPI, I’d say that the best laptop is still the MacBook Air. Let’s face it, most people don’t need Windows* or HiDPI, they just need a reliable, well built, and light notebook computer. I had one, and I miss it - as a pure laptop it beat anything else I’ve used hands down. It was shit at running Windows though, hence the MacBook Pro.

*Frankly, most people don’t need Mac OS X either and would be perfectly comfortable with a nice cheap ChromeBook.

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Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register

45RPM
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Wow. I think that this might be the first article on the reg to give me a hard on. More please!

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Apple Fanboi? Stand by to get Beats Music LIKE IT OR NOT

45RPM
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Oh wow. I can't wait for my ears to be assaulted by bad, commercially motivated muzak. Okay, perhaps I'm being unfair - I've never used Beats - but the name hardly inspires confidence does it? It sounds as if all the music on the there will be bassy rhythms with no melody or treble. Does Beats offer Jazz? Blues? Rock'n'Roll? Baroque? Classical? Punk? Romantic? Does it offer variety?

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I'M SO SORRY, sobs Rosetta Brit boffin in 'sexist' sexy shirt storm

45RPM
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I haven't got a problem with feminists - why would I? All they seek is equal rights and standards of behaviour for men and women.

I have feminist friends, both male and female, who have shirts celebrating the naked fleshy beauty of the human body. I know of feminists who work in the porn industry. The trouble is that the shirt-objecting dick-spanks who have raised this complaint aren't really feminists - that's just an excuse. They're narrow minded prudes. They'd be pond life, if it weren't for the fact that pond life tends to be more open minded and less trivial.

How sad that this man, a genius, should have to apologise for his wardrobe.

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VINYL is BACK and you can thank Sonos for that

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@Graham Dawson

Damn. That's me. Tea in a pot, made with a strainer. A 50 / 50 blend of Earl Grey and Lapsang Souchong.

My car is over fifty years old too. Living in the past, and making things hard for myself no doubt, but I love it. I work with the latest tech - I guess the retro stuff is just a way of balancing it all out.

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45RPM
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@Ledswinger

I'm not going to disagree with you. However, I would say that for people who enjoy pantomime, they enjoy panto for its aesthetic. One person's art is another's unmade bed and all that. So if I want absolute purity I'll listen to a lossless high bit rate audio file or DVD-Audio. But if I just want pleasure served up with a goodly dose of nostalgia, if I want to kick back with a whisky, then I'll have my music served on the record player whilst I read the sleeve notes. I know that the music won't be as pure, just as I know that my whisky isn't as pure as ethanol - but that's okay, I derive more enjoyment that way (probably because of all the memories it stirs of my wasted, but thoroughly enjoyed, youth.)

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45RPM
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It's the whole aesthetic rather than the sound quality - and part of that aesthetic extends to CDs as well as Vinyl. It should start with the purchase. Buying online, whether through iTunes, Amazon or <insert preferred online vendor here> is a horribly soulless experience. I used to love the experience of dashing to Andy Cash or Swordfish records to buy the latest Hawkwind album or, if Hawkwind didn't have a new album out, just going for a good old browse, chat and listen. Clicking the mouse just doesn't have the same appeal as flipping through racks of vinyl records. Actually, HMV, OurPrice and Virgin were pretty bloody soulless too.

And then, new album purchased, there was the journey home on the bus - quick as possible - to get my prize on the deck. And through the journey I'd be reading the sleeve notes. Every last one. Happy days.

Will we see small, one man band, independent record shops ever again? I doubt it. Which is a huge pity. Unfortunately, they just didn't seem to have the same stickiness in the national conciousness that a small bookshop has - and even they are in decline.

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ZZZAP! Climate change means getting HIT BY LIGHTNING is likelier

45RPM
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Aha - but have my chances of winning the lottery also surged?

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U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND

45RPM
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Re: Don't forget The Eagle.

More recently, and sandwiched between the Angel and The Business Shop (IIRC), there was a sandwich shop called Brunch which did amazingly cheap bacon sandwiches (cheap white bread, butter, grease, bacon, red sauce that had never seen a tomato) that hit the hangover spot every time like a magic headache skewering bullet. Or, if you wanted to have a quality bacon sandwich, there was Mantega (on City Rd). Mantega was owned by a bald racing cyclist, excellent chap. Last time I went there there was a Subway in its place. Travesty. Very sad.

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45RPM
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I used to work near there, and one of the things that I really liked about it where the unashamedly shabby, sticky old pubs that stunk like public lavatories. An odd thing to be attached to, I know, but in a bland, americanized, sterilized, world I liked the brazen fuck you attitude of these old boozers. The Angel. The Griffin. The Nelson. The Litten Tree. Horrible pubs, all of them, and yet I loved them dearly - and I generally spent my lunchtimes there. I went back recently - and only the Angel was left, and I doubt that it can be long for this world.

So sad. The passing of an age.

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Apple on the art of the deal: 'Put on your big boy pants and accept the agreement'

45RPM
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It'd be a odd kind of plaintiff who didn't try to present themselves as the entirely innocent party, but it seems to me that (despite protestations to the contrary), GTAT has smoked the cigarettes and is now acting all surprised that it's got lung cancer. The warning was on the packet, chaps, didn't you read it?

I've been in a few negotiations with big businesses trying to buy my product. I never see reading the contract or negotiating as a waste of time - so I'm amazed that GTATs management and council apparently decided that they could skip being diligent. In most instances I find that the bigger party digs their heels in and won't change any of the contract in my favour - so then I walk away. Others are happy to make changes to suit both parties.

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CURE for DEATH (by PowerPoint) emerges from Japan

45RPM
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The best presentation I ever attended had no PowerPoint at all. It was given by a chap who was so engaging, who was such a good orator, that (even though the topic was quite dry - a new cross platform API) I doubt anyone would have noticed PowerPoint had it been there.

The biggest two problems with presentations, in my view are:

1. The presenter has had a charisma bypass and either drones on in a monotone, or tries to cover it with shit comedy (I'm thinking of Monkey boy Ballmer and the crappy skits that recent Apple 'events' have subjected us to)

2. The PowerPoint slides are treated like a word document and filled up with closely typed text rather than a few salient and punchy bullet points.

And no. I don't have a solution to the problem.

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DROIDS - everywhere! Is Apple really even in the game any more?

45RPM
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Perhaps we all need to “let go of the notion that for Android* to win, iOS** has to lose”.

*insert name of OS that your tribe thinks is amazing here.

**insert name of OS that your tribe believes will be the downfall of civilization here.

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Bona-fide SCIENCE: Which forms of unusual sex are, um, mainstream?

45RPM
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Re: Define romantic location

@Candle Coward

Was that so that you could see the body more clearly as you rolled it up in an old carpet?

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PEAK APPLE: iOS 8 is least popular Cupertino mobile OS in all of HUMAN HISTORY

45RPM
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I was tricked by my RSS reader. Now I feel all dirty.

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This is why we CAN have nice things: Samsung Galaxy Alpha

45RPM
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Re: How many

Where I work, 50% of Nexus screens have a crack, 100% of Galaxy screens have a crack, 100% of HTC screens are cracked and 10% of iPhone screens are damaged.

Please note that the iPhone metric is very flawed because most of my iPhone toting colleagues have upgraded to iPhone 6 and are still taking especial care of their devices. Before iPhone 6, I'd have put the figure at 90% broken. There are only 2 Galaxys and 2 HTCs - so it's very far from a representative sample.

My take? All smart-phones are vulnerable. Most will bend, all will crack, and if you want a bullet-proof phone get a dumb phone with a screen smaller than 2". That, or handle your phone with the very greatest care.

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45RPM
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But does it bend?

Seriously, this looks like a very nice phone - and especially if 'Stock' Android can be installed on it, sans crapware. Better than a Nexus? That'd be a tall order - but I'd like to see one in the flesh.

I'd also be interested to see benchmarking against other OS phones - iPhone and Windows mainly, but against a Linux phone would be interesting too. I'd also like to see comparative photos taken with this phone against its competitors. And yes, lets see some metrics on durability since (apparently) phone origami is de rigueur these days.

The trouble is that this review tells us that the phone is Good - but there's no way of telling whether or not it's the Best.

Taking @Alan Brown's point - I agree, what's wrong with plastic? But if plastic is to be used, celebrate it as plastic - the tackiness only creeps in if the plastic is cheap or if it pretends to be something that it isn't - like metal, wood or leather.

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Boffins who stare at goats: I do believe they’re SHRINKING

45RPM
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Re: If this article was by Lewis Page…

@DrXym

Shit! You're right. My bad.

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45RPM
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If this article was by Lewis Page…

…he’d have spent the whole article arguing that there are no goats.

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Apple's new iPADS have begun the WAR that will OVERTURN the NETWORK WORLD

45RPM
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Odd that in an announcement awash with 'meh', the super-sim didn't get mentioned. This is the one genuinely interesting release. It could be amazing but, as others have pointed out, it will need policing in order to ensure that smaller carriers get a fair bite of the cherry.

It seems very odd to me that I can go online and order a new computer, or download software, but to change service provider I need to toddle off to a shop to purchase a tiny sliver of plastic that then needs to be inserted into my device. Since the vital bit of the sim is just software, surely it makes more sense that I should be able to just click and change without leaving my chair?

I'm amazed that no one did this sooner.

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Ada Lovelace Day: Meet the 6 women who gave you the 'computer'

45RPM
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Oh, I see what you mean. I think that that is probably a separate issue. I have friends who are both female and programmers - but they’re in the minority. My wife, an engineer, would probably say that it’s down to cultural conditioning - and that it will take a long time for the problem to be fixed. I can’t help wondering if it isn’t just that they’ve got more interesting things to be cracking on with…

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45RPM
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@Yet Another Anonymous coward

No, no, you miss my point - and, in any case, it doesn't really apply in these slightly more enlightened times when an education is available to all without any particular battle. Anyone these days can get access to a degree in software engineering (whether they can get a job afterward is another kettle of fish entirely, sadly).

My point is that in the past, when an education of any kind was really only the preserve of men (as in some less enlightened countries today), women had to fight for their skills, they may even have had to teach themselves.

Today everyone (in the West, at least) can stand on the shoulders of giants. You. Me. Everyone. Where that kind of education for all is not available then the disenfranchised have to make their own giants from scratch. And, just sometimes, their giants end up being a little bit taller. A little bit better.

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45RPM
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Thumb Up

I have an idea that women have been visionary in many fields (including computing) partly because of sexism*. Because women were largely ignored and mostly not encouraged by the male dominated establishment, there were no giants on whose shoulders they could stand. On the other hand, there was little dogma and established opinion to hold them back - they thought freely and radically because they had no choice. It was learn it yourself, do it yourself, or don’t do it at all.

I am very thankful for the likes of Ada Lovelace, Beatrice Shilling, Florence Nightingale - women who did their own thing, regardless of whether or not they were ‘allowed’ to, and without whom the world would be an immeasurably poorer place.

*which isn’t to argue that sexism is a good thing, to be encouraged. Sexism is vile and should be consigned to the bin of history - and we’ll find the silver from the lining of this dark cloud elsewhere.

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Jaguar Sportbrake: The chicken tikka masala of van-sized posh cars

45RPM
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Tikka Masala? Bland, sloppy and disconcertingly sugary? Not spicy enough?

I'd rather have a vindaloo. Or a V70. And I'd imagine that the effects of shitting either would be similar - arse buggeringly painful.

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Sir Tim Berners-Lee defends decision not to bake security into www

45RPM
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Re: 45RPM

@Matt Bryant

It’s a poor analogy because I own the house and its contents, and its my contents that I’m trying to protect.

A better analogy would be if I owned a park, and I want people to come and visit (for free, because I’m a generous and caring kind of chap). In the park I have various amenities. I have swings, and slides, a duck pond, grass for picnicing on, loos and storage for any bags that visitors don’t want to lug around all day. Does it make more sense for me to

a) provide locks for the loos and the storage (areas where security is required)?

or

b) in addition put locks on the swings, the slide, the duck pond and so forth as well?

In the case of a) my visitors benefit, and the cost to me is kept reasonable. In the case of b) the cost is astronomical and it’s a perfect bloody nuisance.

Security where security is required (and make it bloody tough). No security everywhere else.

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45RPM
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I’m not sure that I do agree with the idea of ‘always on’ security - that creates a two layer network, those who can afford to buy certificates, and those who can’t. Those who can’t may end up being marginalised and the only people who will benefit are Verisign, Thawte, GoDaddy and so forth.

Sure, security is required wherever personal details and banking information is involved - but everywhere else, not so much. If I just want to browse El Reg and have a chuckle at the articles, what benefit does a secure connection offer me?

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Brace yourself for a 12-inch Apple maxiPAD – probably... maybe... ish

45RPM
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Wow. There's just too much going on in this one article (unlike, just guessing, the event itself which will likely be "here ya go - new iPads. Oh. And new OSX")

Firstly, boo hoo - is that sour grapes Reg? "Pet hacks", "Invitation lost in post"? Does El Reg really imagine that it can troll with impunity? The thing is, I'd bet (a bet partly based on hope, I admit) that Apple can take a critical review, and honest reporting of issues like bendgate. What it probably feels that it can manage without are the snide headlines and sometimes (not always) biased and deliberately bating articles. If Reg articles were unfailingly accurate and unbiased I'd bet your invitation would be in your grubby ink stained paws right now.

Secondly, let's just get this out of the way right now. Yes, it will bend. The tablet I'm keying this on right now is thicker than any iPad - and guess what? This will bend too. The thing is, I'm not stupid enough to bend it. So, unless you're 'a bit special' and your medication has run out, let's just take it as read that you can break whatever newness is coming out, and then don't. Evidence will not be necessary.

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Windows 10's 'built-in keylogger'? Ha ha, says Microsoft – no, it just monitors your typing

45RPM
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Re: Microsoft simply cannot afford this to happen

Why is it that Microsoft gets stick for releasing a beta of Windows containing debug and diagnostic code that is necessarily privacy unfriendly (and which they have gone out of their way not to hide - they've clearly documented the fact)?

Would you rather the Microsoft didn't do a public beta, and risk having serious problems with the final version of Windows 10? Public betas don't get rid of all bugs but, done properly, they can help. And it seems to me that Microsoft really does want this to be the best Windows ever.

If you have a problem with beta software, if you don't want to pay the pre-release price, then don't install it - install Windows 7 instead*.

The really weird thing is that I'd be prepared to bet that at least 90% of commentards here have a Facebook account and use it everyday - without once considering the very real security and privacy implications. But (ug) Facebook okay. Me like Facebook. It free. It haz pikchurz ov Fluffeh Kittehz, Me like Google. It free. (grawh) Me hate Microsoft. Me hate Apple. Them makez me pay moneh. Them bad. My brane hurtz.

*or <insert release version of an OS of your choice>.

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45RPM
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Re: Calm The F**k Down!

Yeah. What Amorous Cowherder said.

This is development software. Shit, if I was making a pre-release OS available widely I'd want to put stuff like this in too. Let's face it, most users aren't capable of logging a bug report much more accurate than 'Boo Hoo, it's not working'. They certainly aren't up to telling the poor developer what they were doing before it stopped working so that the problem can be replicated. Quite apart from Microsoft's stated reasons of improving autocorrect and so forth, this could be a real boon in reproducing errors.

As long as they remove it from the final shipping version then I'm okay with this. But, as stated, beta users might want to refrain from internet banking or browsing for pictures of naked ladies with this release.

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Apple tries to kill iWorm: Zombie botnet feasting on Mac brains

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Re: Tries to kill?

@Mike Bell

Yup. I know. I was being flippant. I thought the clue might be that I was a) poking fun at the misleading headline and b) suggesting that The Register would tone down its language at the request of Apple. As any fule no, <flippancy> The Register only tones down the rhetoric for Microsoft </flippancy>

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45RPM
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Re: Will you make up your mind.

Only a fool would claim that <insert name of machine here> can’t get viruses. But you do need to understand the difference between a virus, a worm and a trojan. A virus is something that you get from unprotected sex, a worm is something that a nerd* might try to have sex with (if ever lucky enough to snare a partner), and a trojan is something that our trans-atlantic chums like to put on their worms in order to protect themselves from a virus.

*geeks, of course, are always tremendously well endowed and never go into battle with anything less than a boa-constrictor.

**and yes, I do know what the difference is - but I suddenly caught a nasty malaise, and I realised that I can’t be bothered.

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Tries to kill?

Did the attempt fail? I think el Reg owes it to the loyal readers to tell us the truth, and not hide behind whatever gagging order might have been slapped on it by the Cupertinan overlords…

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'Cops and public bodies BUNGLE snooping powers by spying on 3,000 law-abiding Brits'

45RPM
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…but there's no need to encrypt your devices. If you've done nothing wrong you have nothing to fear…

Oh, and would you mind leaving your door unlocked? Only criminals need security.

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FLASH drive ... Ah-aaaaaah! BadUSB no saviour to plug and play Universe

45RPM
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This is the most interesting malware in ages - unless I’ve misunderstood how it works. If it works at the hardware / firmware level then no amount of patching is going to fix it. Would it be possible, I wonder, for an operating system to sandbox all USB activity, such that the device (when connected) has to be approved by the User?

“Are you sure that you want to use this USB Storage device”, “Are you sure that you want to use this Keyboard”. It would get bloody tiresome, very quickly, but it would help to ensure that a hacked USB device of one type couldn’t masquerade as an entirely different USB device.

This is an exploit that has the potential to affect any OS on any computer with USB (and yes, that includes iOS devices, which only appear not to have a USB socket) - I feel nervous about plugging even box-fresh USB kit into my computer already.

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Our Vultures peck at new Doctor Who: Exterminate or, er ... carrion?

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I like Peter Capaldi - and I like some of the concepts in ‘New’ Who. I liked the Blink concept. I liked the Listen concept. I thought the crack in the wall was an awesome concept. But what I really want from Doctor Who is less silliness and more full-on buttock-tightening terror. I want to be scared, and cowering, behind the sofa.

But, as my wife points out, what will scare the willies out of a mid-forties curmudgeon might be overkill for the core child audience.

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Apple blacklists tech journo following explicit BENDY iPhone vid

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Re: Look! Justin Bieber has a new zit!

@Anonymous Coward

No, I don't work for Apple. But I do make stuff. I'm not an accountant. I'm not a project manager. I create things with my own effort. Software. Paintings. Furniture. I just like making things. Which, in a consumerist, short attention span, society, might be considered a little weird. And, like many people who make things, it really gets my hackles up when some moron just breaks things to get hits on the internet. It's mindless, it's stupid. Damn. I'm ranting.

Where are my dried frog pills?

P.S. the bits about Justin Beiber and Christina Hendricks were flippancy.

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45RPM
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There’s a special word in the English language for anyone who deliberately breaks an Android phone, bends back their Windows laptop til the hinge breaks, stamps on their Blackberry, pokes the lens of their Nikon with rods of metal, bends their iPhone, sets fire to their Sony TV and so forth. That word is ‘Twat’. It’s thin, shiny and hollow to make room for the electronics. Of course it will fucking bend. It’s not a test your strength machine.

Anyone who then whinges about its unscientifically tested supposed lack of durability, uploads the video to YouTube or otherwise makes a stupid damn fuss about a non-story isn’t just a twat, they’re a cunt as well.

Sorry to be blunt about this - but there are bigger stories in the world, be they bad (ebola, death of bees, global warming, ISIS, Justin Beiber) or good (that new Renault Twingo III, the new Star Wars film, Christina Hendricks, Windows 10 (maybe), Yosemite). Smashing up shit ‘cos you’re a small minded baby who’d rather destroy than create just isn’t worth the column inches. It’s ‘look at me’ trolling, pure and simple.

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Apple is GOLDBRICKING IT: BEHOLD the iPad Glister-Slab

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I was driving a bright red and yellow Sharna tricycle tractor with trailer. Very racy. And I only had eyes for Linda Carter or Catherine Bach.

I expect that she was driving either a Mini or a Beetle - and probably a hand-cranked vibrator. There was something very elderly spinster about her. That said, I was four - so anyone older than ten was elderly in my view.

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