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* Posts by Andy The Hat

223 posts • joined 21 Oct 2010

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NASA preps mission to probe Earth's magnetic mysteries

Andy The Hat
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" ... magnetic reconnection, a process by which Earth's magnetic fields connect and disconnect."

and then weebles on about solar flares and coronal mass ejections.

Is this looking at the Earth's magnetic field or the sun's? The video is pretty to the eye but total pants when it comes to content ...

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Your PHONE is slowly KILLING YOU

Andy The Hat
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"Coworker"?

That spelling is bullocks ... unless of course your friend works with bovines ...

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We come bearing caviar: ISS 'nauts arrive at station in SPAAACE

Andy The Hat
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Caviar in spaaaace?

"This place stinks ... who's been at the fish poo again? Can someone please open a window ..."

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ESA's spaceplane cleared for lift-off in February 2015

Andy The Hat
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How the hell do you 'fly' a thing shaped like that? Hats off to the aerodynamicists if it's controllable.

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Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

Andy The Hat
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Take for example the just-out-of-prison 57 year old ugly bloke in a rusty 4x4 versus the pretty, 20year-old blond in the sports car. Ethics says save the girl (on the basis of heathly, young, fertile) and he's a con, and an ugly, old one at that.

Or perhaps he couldn't afford to pay his council tax and was banged up for two days, his physical attributes are not his fault and he has his grandson securely strapped into a car seat. She is a nut case of a driver, high on drugs with an Uzi stashed in the boot ...

Stick with the science and 'take avoiding action according to the conditions'. Ethics has severe problems ...

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Hunt for Higgs Boson and dark matter now starts ON YOUR SOFA

Andy The Hat
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Mauve alert, mauve alert, please change the bulb ...

I expected to find some kind of a virtual machine, how to install and let it do its thing in the background ... bit like Seti, Folding at Home etc so the tools do the work but I don't have to know what a two leprechaun decay event producing a fishing-gnome and an anti-fairy actually looks like ...

As it is, I'm not exactly a numpty and I have no idea where to start or, to be absolutely honest, if I can! Looks like I have to manually and sequentially run various shell scripts and python executable against various data sets as they're generated ... I think ...

Not for me I'm afraid.

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What should America turn to for web advice? That's right: GOV.UK – says ex-Obama IT guru

Andy The Hat
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Doh?

"one that gives primacy to policy processes and the civil service to one that puts users and delivery first."

Call me old fashioned, and maybe I'm reading between the lines too much, but isn't that the IT industry equivalent of doing a massive u-turn, nay perhaps even a j-turn with full burn-out? For years users have been, and are, the last to be consulted about anything. And as for government considering the great unwashed, isn't that tantamount to heresy?

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

Andy The Hat
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Facepalm

RE: It's a moon stealing satellite of course.

That's such a silly comment.

If the Russians were going to steal the moon, everyone knows they'd need a shrink ray first ...

OH NO, IT'S A SHRINK RAY!

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Gee THANKS: Cryptoscum offer a free decrypt in latest ransomware racket

Andy The Hat
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Dycrypt one, get one file free ... DOGOFF?

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Are MPs smarter than 5-year-olds? We'll soon find out at coding school – Berners-Lee

Andy The Hat
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Re why stick at coding?

"I understand what he's trying to say, but why stick at 'coding'?"

Force them to learn some real-life skills rather than being career politicians. At least ten years of real work before standing as a politician might help ... Perhaps being a year of being a 'modern apprentice' (with all it's gory details) in a firework factory should be mandatory? (irony intended!)

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Rare Stegosaurus skeleton moves into plush London pad

Andy The Hat
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Re: " ... weighed as much as a 4x4 vehicle"

" " ... weighed as much as a 4x4 vehicle"

How many fridges is that?"

Everyone knows a Range Rover has a fridge beside the gun cabinet to chill the champers ... therefore, logically, the RR is a fridge ... therefore, mathematically speaking:-

1 4x4 vehicle = 1 fridge

and furthermore

1 stegosaurus = 1 fridge

However, identification of the fridge as European or African in origin is required for formal determination of capacity ...

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BOING, BOING! Philae BOUNCED TWICE on Comet 67P

Andy The Hat
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Sorry, still got images of Captain Scarlett "Moon Hoopers" ...

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DRAMA in SPACE: But Philae KEEPS TRYING to HARPOON COMET

Andy The Hat
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Boinggggg

<control> "Fire harpoons!"

<rosetta> boiiinnnggggg

<control> "Oh bugger, I forgot the stabilising thruster doesn't work ... it's like one of those boingy, jumpy, springy things you stick to the desk with a sucker ..."

<rosetta> weeeeeeeeee ... "My God, it's full of stars ... and you can call me Harpoon Assisted Lander ..."

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FIRST for HUMANITY: Fridge-size PROBOT headed for COMET TOUCHDOWN

Andy The Hat
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Re: In space no one can hear your sonar

In space, no one can hear you ping?

Or is it more like drumming its fingers on the cometary desk?

Try it - ear hard on the desk and listen carefully as you drum your fingers on the desk ... now move the fingers around and listen to the variation in response and relate that to mass of rubbish on the desk. Now, explain to the boss what you were just doing ...

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GOD particle MAY NOT BE GOD particle: Scientists in shock claim

Andy The Hat
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spelling mistake?

Are we aware if the Mads (Professor) was wearing his Techno-trousers when he announced his Techno-quarks ...?

If it looks like an excuse for a pun and sounds like an excuse for a pun ...

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How Hollywood film-makers wove proper physics into Interstellar

Andy The Hat
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Having a physicist on the team helps ...

"Sunshine" and Brian Cox proves this not to be true ...

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Oh, dear! Scientists uncover Afghan VAMPIRE DEER

Andy The Hat
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Why do people want to smell of deer's excretions?

They'll be smearing whale vomit over themselves next ...

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Boffins want to put Quanta in containers, after docking

Andy The Hat
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Re: Making a qbit at home

I think the 'laying on of hands and sledgehammer' approach to qbit production is probably less feasable than you suggest. Perhaps a large price tage and asking me to insert it where the sun don't shine would make it a more realistic proposition? Would it really increase my memory capacity? Would I start calling myself Sonny? Where do I sign?

Oh, and a back of the envelope calculation for average container bandwidth:

Based on a perfectly reasonable package size, and allowing for some elbow room, each cubic metre of the container could store about 10^16bits using current SDram (not in retail packaging obviously!) If you got rid of all the refrigeration and replaced it with chips that would give 4x10^17bits per load using *current* technology.

But what about the extra noise redundancy containers?

That means we've got another 6 of these containers - so 10^18 bits ...

Hmm 10^12 doesn't look so rosy now ... and you can read them using your tabletty thing of choice without a lab full of quantum reader ...

I'd just hate to be the poor sod who has to plug them all in ...

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Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods

Andy The Hat
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"We lost the data when the burglars came a'burgling and took the server. But it doesn't matter as I had implemented stong encryption so I don't have to tell anyone. And I'm no muppet, the passwords for the database were securely stored - they're on the post-it stuck to my monitor ... where's my monitor ...?"

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World govts elect Swiss big cheese as their new ICANN point man

Andy The Hat
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Mein Gouda! There are 450 varieties of Swiss chees yet you chose to concentrate too Mutschli on a generic Brie based pun! Swiss Brie perhaps but not 'generic' Brie as everyone knows that's French and too f****g runny ... This article should be subject to a complete 'generic' de-brie-fing. I'm so stressed it's like a Raclette in my head, and it's giving me Gruyere!

p.s. And when I said remove Brie references, Emmental of the ...

... sleep now ...

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LOHAN crash lands on CNN

Andy The Hat
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No Nina with a pipe pic? Vulture's standards are slipping ...

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Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20

Andy The Hat
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Seem too many Demonoids here ... what's the official collective noun for us oldies? A turnpike? A rapture? A choir? A geek-fest ...? :-)

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Russian hackers exploit 'Sandworm' bug 'to spy on NATO, EU PCs'

Andy The Hat
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Re: Branding bugs

""Who are the 23% of Windows XP users?"

Having met one and their laptop recently, I can affirm they are users of old kit who don't know the name of their operating system and delete any annoying messages that appear in the bottom right hand corner of their screens."

Or users who actually still have hardware that runs well, familiar software that runs well and is reliable such that the entire system does the job. Why throw even more cash at MicroSoft for a crap front end ... as well as the hardware to run it on!

Yes this is posted from win 7, yes I do also run 7(64) but yes, I still have three machines that run Xp *and do exactly what I want them to do*, so why upgrade them?

Don't for a minute believe all Xp users are numpties ... they may just be a bit fatter in the wallet.

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Ofcom: 'White space' tech to support mobile data services in 2015

Andy The Hat
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"White space" wireless technology could be used for digital terrestrial TV

? Silly me, I thought that, as a consumer, I already received dttv perfectly well over the current frequency bands.

Now let's think again why you would want to put dttv over white space and how this will benefit the consumer in any way shape or form. And alternatively let's consider how the consumer would have to buy new hardware to cope with the change in frequency and the government could rake in a load more dosh selling off frequencies and all that lovely VAT on the hardware ...

Basically they're just building a spaghetti junction of frequencies - and then putting a toll on each road ...

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Rebellion sees Chromium reverse plans to dump EXT filesystem

Andy The Hat
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"I can easily remember when RAM was £30 per 1MB and with some effort when it was priced in GDP."

I feel a Monty Python moment coming on ...

I still have the receipt for four 1Mb sticks at £100 each ... I arranged a 'bulk' order with some mates so I got discount!

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Andy The Hat
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It's DR WHO.

As far as I'm aware the annoying logo in the corner of the screen did not read "DOCUMENTARY".

It's a kids programme.

Why the hell are adults getting so up tight about it?

Now where's my long scarf gone ...?

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DVLA website GOES TITSUP on day paper car tax discs retire

Andy The Hat
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I warned about the govenment 'double charging' tax on car sales months ago.

They could have left the system *exactly* as it was before and simply not printed/sent out the discs - it would have saved the same amount of money - so why didn't they? Because they could grab more hidden taxes! Last estimates on used car sales says that there will be about £10,000,000 extra trawled into government coffers because of this single change!

Money grabbing thieving barstewards doesn't even begine to describe them ...

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Microsoft outspends world's tech firms with '€5m' EU lobby bill

Andy The Hat
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The big money drives the EU - democracy doesn't.

Nothing will change.

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BT claims almost-gigabit connections over COPPER WIRE

Andy The Hat
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"What's the chances of them trialling it on my cabinet - it must be one of the few left still on copper."

... we've still got a dstp/wstp system (damp string to the pole/wet string to the premises). Sometimes the joint leaks and the feed dries up ... at least I think that's what Mr Openreach said ...

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Range Rover to fit trendy new SUV with FRIKKIN' LASER HUDs

Andy The Hat
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"If you need a reminder of the gear you are in then maybe you are not concentrating properly ..."

Proper old Range Rovers only need second and fourth anyway ... oh and low box ... and overdrive ... ok so technically I've got 16 forward gears plus 4 reverse, it would be useful if only to show off!

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NASA's MAVEN enters Mars orbit to sniff its gas

Andy The Hat
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Sniff - I smell "Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator"

Wasn't it an "Illudium pu-38 Intergallactic Space Modulator"? Or are you deliberately trying to make the Martians appear less technically advanced thereby less of a threat when we find them? Do you know something we don't? Do you wear dark glasses and a black suit?

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Andy The Hat
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Hello Canberra ... <ssssssssh> ... come in Canberra ... <shhhhhhhh>

Just for once, perhaps on an April 1st insertion date, let's have the report that they were unable to make radio contact for some time but did receive a somewhat recognisable Jeff Wayne-esque audio stream ...

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Apple's warrant canary riddle: Cock-up, conspiracy, or anti-Google point-scoring

Andy The Hat
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You're in a mine and have a big, bouncy, young canary that sings so loudly it hurts everyone's ears. The mine owners are unhappy as it costs them money when the canary signals ...

The senior miner, wanting more profit from his workforce, decides to "ease their pain" and swap the canary for a older bird, that's quiet, has a touch of narcolepsy and looks peaky at the best of times. Fewer signals, less down time, management happy.

Hasn't changing Apple's canary simply consigned it to a dead canary sketch? It moved ... no it didn't ... it's just resting ...

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Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight

Andy The Hat
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"... a small heater running off a ..."

How much spare Ah capacity do you now have? Must be enough without exceeding the "I've given ye all she's got Cap'n" capacity limit?

On the other hand, trying to add further Ah may exceed the physical constraint "she canna take it Cap'n".

Further low temperature battery/servo testing required I feel.

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SCREW YOU, Russia! NASA lobs $6.8bn at Boeing AND SpaceX to run space station taxis

Andy The Hat
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Silly question, but if they hate the Ruskies so much, why haven't the US cloned the engines yet? Cheaper, stable supply ...

Ok, "Boing" would probably get the supply contract so at least it'd be a stable supply ...

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First Irish boy band U2. Now Apple pushes ANOTHER thing into iPhones, iPods, iPads

Andy The Hat
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"" iOS 8 can automatically filter, straighten and crop snaps,"

<pedant>Really? The *operating system* can do that? More likely bundled apps that come *with* the OD, but not the OS itself.</pedant>"

I vaguely remember when a dominant company "integrated" systems into its os to block out competitors ... err ... I meant "improve the user's interractive experience". Many years later, the court cases were more or less cooked and the apps were no longer insisted upon, just forced down the users' throats with the blessings of some very rich lawyers.

Isn't Apple tip-toeing along the same tightrope here ... are they abusing market position and blocking out competition?

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SanDisk's record-busting 512GB SD CARD will fit perfectly in your empty wallet

Andy The Hat
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Old? Young'uns don't know what's hit 'em. 40Mb hard dives? Pah! We had 30Mb on 14" multi-platter winchester cartridges ...

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Slough isn't fit for humans now, says Amazon. We're going to Shoreditch

Andy The Hat
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How great it is to have all those new jobs in Shoreditch, look how many jobs Amazon create!

But how sad it is for all the poor workers in Slough.

Were there any "sweeteners" on offer I wonder as the ground rent must be massive compared to Slough ...

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Microsoft tells judge: Hold us in contempt of court, we're NOT giving user emails to US govt

Andy The Hat
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It's ok, all the UK taxpayers' personal information is shipped over to the US where it is 'held securely' so the US can look at it without any of this 'overseas' malarky ...

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Hawking: Higgs boson in a BIG particle punisher could DESTROY UNIVERSE

Andy The Hat
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"... clobbered to death by a manmade virus or even aliens."

I'm glad it was probably just me who misread this as 'marmalade virus' - the very thought of being shredded ... perhaps by an 'even alien' ... brrr ... chill and spine interfacing time ...

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Dodgy Norton update borks UNDEAD XP systems

Andy The Hat
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I find it quite sad to read this. Norton utilities used to be *the* thing to have (I still have Peter Norton's excellent book on Dos somewhere ...) The very early Norton AV product was good too. As soon as it was rolled and bloated into the full 'Symantec' branded product (as someone said, about 2007 ish) that was the time to bail ...

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Our Vulture 2 rocket spaceplane crammed with MORE POWER

Andy The Hat
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Sod the battery alternatives - the decision looks as if it's been made for good reasons.

My concern now is trim - getting the weight distribution correct with those concentrated masses needs lots of careful work before you end up building the highest flying, remotely monitored catherine wheel ever ... Good luck!

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Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

Andy The Hat
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Perhaps it's just me, but I don't think it's art at all. It actually looks like the preliminary sketch for a building on Grand Designs ... a straight walled (almost), minimalist, cave-friendly structure with an entrance cave and 7 rooms off a central cave-atrium. Obviously the plans for the second floor were removed by the idiots digging ... Mineralisation? That was an example of possible cave-wall covering, and if they look hard enough there'll probably be evidence of sample moss scatter-cushions put there by Mrs Ugg and scratches indicating Mr Ugg's spear sharpening room

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Gov.uk's broadband boast: Superfast fibre piped to 1 million Brits

Andy The Hat
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A brilliant store designer put up a Morrisons in my town. To make things super-fast they put in 8 self service tills. Great, a 'fast pipe'! Unfortunately there's only room for a bag or two in the outfeed and, with two rows of 4 tills positioned 2.5 trolley-widths apart, customer A has to wait until person C and D with trollies clear because person A can't get their trolley through a gap narrower than three trollies. Meanwhile the queue backs up although there are free tills ... Brilliantly fast on paper, crap in practice as all the customers block the pipe ....

Now I've apparently got access to 'super fast broadband' along with 10K other customers ... how fast are BT's rural pipes? Is that the sund of clashing of trollies and delayed customers in the air? Negotiated, theoretical bandwidth is one thing, actual throughput is a completely different animal. Even at 50:1 contention ratio things will bottleneck.

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Andy The Hat
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Re: Encouraging piracy?

" "You can download feature length films faster..."

So the primary economic benefit to the UK of super-fast broadband he's quoting is... the facilitation of piracy?"

You (you) miss the point. If you (HM Govt thieving gits) can get user A (gullible) to pay for their broadband installation, pay for their bandwidth and put up with hesitation and buffering of video when 20 other users hook up to the same 'superfast' 2Mb feed, then you can sell off the TV broadcast spectrum for oodles of cash ...

Let's look at the benefits:-

dosh for selling the spectrum,

dosh for sucking money from individuals by selling them broadband (via tax and lovely consultancy jobs in the IT industry after the politicians are politicians),

dosh as you've just pandered to the US with total control of the feed via DRM,

dosh as you can insist that since all PCs are capable of picking up 'live video feed' they must have a licence

dosh because of that old chestnut of central control and monitoring of an individuals communications for both 'snooping' and, more lucratively, the sale/implimentation of personalised advertising/spam/information.

As soon as the 'broadcast' is taken out of tv the 'cost' ramp to the individual and society will start ... and those on high make money ...

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London cops cuff 20-year-old man for unblocking blocked websites

Andy The Hat
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*Unless* the 'official' of FAST (aka 'private individual') was present as the person making the complaint, I believe he had no right to be present or know beforehand of the action taking place. The individual can probably use that in his defence as part of an 'illegally executed warrant'.

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POW! Apple smites Macbook Air EFI firmware update borkage

Andy The Hat
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EFI firmware update

Great, another one in the eye for the idiocy of firmware that can be updated anyone without suitable controls ...

When will the first 'efi update' scam that scribbles to the firmware be released?

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Auntie remains MYSTIFIED by that weekend BBC iPlayer and website outage

Andy The Hat
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But what caused the excessive load?

They still haven't really said where the excessive load came from - a failure internal to the system or something like a DoS external to it ...

If it was an internal failure it's unlikely that both systems (geographically seperate hot mirrors) would fail at the same time - unless there's a fundamental bug in the (replicated) system? The who point of their system redundancy (as I understand) is to kill one system if the other fails which they could obviously not do which infers the caching is not a redundant system ...

All this suggests to me the failure could have been triggered very close to the external gateways which again suggests external influences rather than internal ones.

Would the BBC tell us if they could be crippled by a DoS attack?

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In space no one can hear you scream, but Voyager 1 can hear A ROAR

Andy The Hat
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Increase in fuel consumption

For AndrueC,

it looks like LECP and MAGROL expriments suck a load of fuel - presumably for orientation and stabilisation purposes. That's probably why they only do them intermittently.

The real question is whether the fuel is actually used to power the Bic biro auto-wind robot for the data tape ...

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Doctor Who season eight scripts leak online

Andy The Hat
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"I for one will just wait to see the thing on TV"

I wish I felt the same. There'll be a cyberman (who's come back from the dead), a dalek (who's come back from the dead), the Master who's ... well you get the idea.The characters and sets will all have expensive GGI thrown at them to make it look as if someone has thrown expensive CGI at them and at a guess, it'll all happen in London with some obnoxious female 'cokerney' wimpering incessantly. But at least it'll all turn out nice and cuddly for the Christmas episode to offset the huge depression caused by the nasty death on Eastenders.

Sorry, should I have said "spoiler alert"?

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