* Posts by Andy The Hat

238 posts • joined 21 Oct 2010

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Disk areal density: Not a constant, consistent platter

Andy The Hat
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Memories ...

I haven't seen a disk platter like the headline pic in years ... oh the memories of the smell of oxide dust in the disk pack :-)

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Cool Large Hadron Collider to fire into doubly powerful ring

Andy The Hat
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Bit odd ...

Is it me or did I just read an entire article about the LHC without Prof Brian Cox or black holes slurping the Earth being mentioned? (that's black holes doing the slurping not the Prof you understand ...)

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

Andy The Hat
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Unfortunately I can't get the abstract. However there are several possibilities in my mind to 'backwards time'.

1) the arrow of time is literally reversed, this would imply that the entire life of the universe is pre-ordained to allow the opposites to happen. It would also result in the spontaeous creation of life from the charred remains of death ...

2) actions in one time domain are exactly the opposite of the other - ala Red Dwarf scenario. At the very least this would be painful and result in bad hair days ...

3) the arrow of time is relative. In other words the actions taking place in each universe/dimension may be identical but the action on a larger scale is not. Take as an example two sensory-deprived people pulling on opposite ends of a rope, each pulls with apparently identical parameters but to an observer they are pulling in exactly opposite directions ... This is the doppleganger scenario ...

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Virgin Media's ad fibs EXPOSED by bitter rival BT

Andy The Hat
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re Who actually funds the ASA?

"the 0.1% levy on the cost of buying advertising space and the 0.2% levy on some direct mail "

It's also interesting, according to their own reports, that they resolved more cases in 2013 and 2014 than complaints lodged ...

http://www.asa.org.uk/About-ASA/~/media/Files/ASA/Annual%20reports/Website%20KPI%20publication%20-%20Q1%202014.ashx

Perhaps I'm missing something ...

But at least if you're ruled against they do actually have teeth - they can put you on their 'non compliant' page like all of these ...

http://www.asa.org.uk/Rulings/Non-compliant-online-advertisers.aspx

It's like being at school; "Was Steven naughty today? You can check to see if we put his name on the 'Wall of Shame' which can be found in the basement behind the third cabinet on the left ... remember to take a torch."

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A nation of CODERS? Yes, says UK.gov, and have some cash to do it

Andy The Hat
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re offering school leavers a bursary to study maths or physics

So they withdraw the windfall for newly qualified physics teachers (ie those who have made it) and announce 'new money' to give to 'potential' physics teachers instead.

Still, at least the support staff (who actually have to teach some of these muppets as practical skills are next to nil) are known to be able to exist on just above basic minimum wage ...

I hate the Government.

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Government locked into £330m Oracle contract until 2016

Andy The Hat
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and instead they're spending it in spendings?

No, don't be silly that would not be planning for the future correctly.

As we all know, they've probably got a consultant in (at £extortionate) to *tell* them they can spend it in spendings but not until *after* the election so that's a saving by this government and 'planning for the future'! And of course, not only do they shaft the incoming governments finances but what they could have saved long term will be more than offset by the spendyness of the consultants and the pocketing of directors fees by ex-ministers ...

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Gigabit-over-copper VDSL successor G.fast signed off at last

Andy The Hat
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Fastest ADSL offered to me is direct 75Mb over fibre ... why would I want a short hop Gb connection *outside* the house? Inside I'd use ethernet anyway ... Don't see the market.

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Nothing illegal to see here: Tribunal says TEMPORA spying is OK

Andy The Hat
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"The tribunal also found that there was no problem in sharing intelligence with the US National Security Agency, or accessing information obtained through the NSA’s PRISM programme. However, it relied on secret government policies in reaching this decision."

To paraphrase, "as long as it's Government policy, however secret or illegal, it's legal".

This smells increasingly bad to me ...

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Kaspersky: That 2 years we took to warn you about Regin ? We had GOOD REASON

Andy The Hat
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"Legspin" proves it was either Aussie or British. Nobody else in the world even knows the term to use it surreptitiously ...

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Boffins unearth the ultimate antique art - 500,000 years old

Andy The Hat
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A cynic

If I was in any way a Homo type thing, would I bother to take a long time to make a neat little hole at the bottom of a shell followed by fiddling around with a sharp stick to cut the muscle to open it? I'd just smack the hinge with a small stone or perhaps put it in the embers of the fire ...

Looks like an 'adornment' piece to me like a bangle or necklace - the hole is for a cord of some kind. Perhaps it is some kind inscription - could be Erectus for 'Ug's necklace', or may even be the Homo version of a Rosetta shirt ...

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What a pity: Rollout of hated UK smart meters delayed again

Andy The Hat
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"I pointed out that due to the lack of reliable mobile connection the proposed meter would more often than not be able to phone home. So the shitty broadband and mobile reception here means that they had to revert to a conventional meter."

Same here a month ago. Lots of 2g but little 3g signal (yet I've got masts 1 and 2 miles away serving a town of 15000+ people ... how does that work?)

Never mind, at least I know my Nokia 1100 is as good as it gets!

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Pub time for NASA bods? Orion spacecraft test launch called off

Andy The Hat
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Why 8 parachutes? Sounds like an obvious equation

8 parachutes = one tangled mess

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Euro spacemen clear Ariane 6 for liftoff

Andy The Hat
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Doh!

Why oh why oh why do El-Reg commentards insist on using "hauling payloads" when it comes to rocket launches?

Pushing, throwing, projecting, firing, launching in fact anything "pushy" is good. "Hauling" suggests there's a bleedin' great trailer on the thing getting gently toasted in rocket exhaust ... have you ever seen a tow hitch on a Saturn V?

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Quantum computing is so powerful it takes two years to understand what happened

Andy The Hat
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Obviously

I thought they'd already considered that thing that they are talking about so I didn't bother to mention it ...

I'm sure they tested "adiabatic algorithms" in face creams but didn't use them as it caused furrowing of the brow...

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Globe-spanning SEA-ME-WE 3 sea cable feared cut, broken or ...

Andy The Hat
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Out of curiosity, how does one go about fixing an under-ocean fibre cable?

Easy. You fill in "Under Ocean Fibre Cable Fault" (form E3.7) and it gets repaired by the fibre optic fairies. Just don't complete section one as "Nature of fault: iPlayer keeps giving the roundy-roundy thing, suspect under ocean fibre fault ..."

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NASA preps mission to probe Earth's magnetic mysteries

Andy The Hat
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" ... magnetic reconnection, a process by which Earth's magnetic fields connect and disconnect."

and then weebles on about solar flares and coronal mass ejections.

Is this looking at the Earth's magnetic field or the sun's? The video is pretty to the eye but total pants when it comes to content ...

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Your PHONE is slowly KILLING YOU

Andy The Hat
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"Coworker"?

That spelling is bullocks ... unless of course your friend works with bovines ...

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We come bearing caviar: ISS 'nauts arrive at station in SPAAACE

Andy The Hat
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Caviar in spaaaace?

"This place stinks ... who's been at the fish poo again? Can someone please open a window ..."

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ESA's spaceplane cleared for lift-off in February 2015

Andy The Hat
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How the hell do you 'fly' a thing shaped like that? Hats off to the aerodynamicists if it's controllable.

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Two driverless cars stuffed with passengers are ABOUT TO CRASH - who should take the hit?

Andy The Hat
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Take for example the just-out-of-prison 57 year old ugly bloke in a rusty 4x4 versus the pretty, 20year-old blond in the sports car. Ethics says save the girl (on the basis of heathly, young, fertile) and he's a con, and an ugly, old one at that.

Or perhaps he couldn't afford to pay his council tax and was banged up for two days, his physical attributes are not his fault and he has his grandson securely strapped into a car seat. She is a nut case of a driver, high on drugs with an Uzi stashed in the boot ...

Stick with the science and 'take avoiding action according to the conditions'. Ethics has severe problems ...

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Hunt for Higgs Boson and dark matter now starts ON YOUR SOFA

Andy The Hat
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Mauve alert, mauve alert, please change the bulb ...

I expected to find some kind of a virtual machine, how to install and let it do its thing in the background ... bit like Seti, Folding at Home etc so the tools do the work but I don't have to know what a two leprechaun decay event producing a fishing-gnome and an anti-fairy actually looks like ...

As it is, I'm not exactly a numpty and I have no idea where to start or, to be absolutely honest, if I can! Looks like I have to manually and sequentially run various shell scripts and python executable against various data sets as they're generated ... I think ...

Not for me I'm afraid.

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What should America turn to for web advice? That's right: GOV.UK – says ex-Obama IT guru

Andy The Hat
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Doh?

"one that gives primacy to policy processes and the civil service to one that puts users and delivery first."

Call me old fashioned, and maybe I'm reading between the lines too much, but isn't that the IT industry equivalent of doing a massive u-turn, nay perhaps even a j-turn with full burn-out? For years users have been, and are, the last to be consulted about anything. And as for government considering the great unwashed, isn't that tantamount to heresy?

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MYSTERY Russian satellite: ORBITAL WEAPON? Sat GOBBLER? What?

Andy The Hat
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Facepalm

RE: It's a moon stealing satellite of course.

That's such a silly comment.

If the Russians were going to steal the moon, everyone knows they'd need a shrink ray first ...

OH NO, IT'S A SHRINK RAY!

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Gee THANKS: Cryptoscum offer a free decrypt in latest ransomware racket

Andy The Hat
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Dycrypt one, get one file free ... DOGOFF?

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Are MPs smarter than 5-year-olds? We'll soon find out at coding school – Berners-Lee

Andy The Hat
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Re why stick at coding?

"I understand what he's trying to say, but why stick at 'coding'?"

Force them to learn some real-life skills rather than being career politicians. At least ten years of real work before standing as a politician might help ... Perhaps being a year of being a 'modern apprentice' (with all it's gory details) in a firework factory should be mandatory? (irony intended!)

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Rare Stegosaurus skeleton moves into plush London pad

Andy The Hat
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Re: " ... weighed as much as a 4x4 vehicle"

" " ... weighed as much as a 4x4 vehicle"

How many fridges is that?"

Everyone knows a Range Rover has a fridge beside the gun cabinet to chill the champers ... therefore, logically, the RR is a fridge ... therefore, mathematically speaking:-

1 4x4 vehicle = 1 fridge

and furthermore

1 stegosaurus = 1 fridge

However, identification of the fridge as European or African in origin is required for formal determination of capacity ...

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BOING, BOING! Philae BOUNCED TWICE on Comet 67P

Andy The Hat
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Sorry, still got images of Captain Scarlett "Moon Hoopers" ...

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DRAMA in SPACE: But Philae KEEPS TRYING to HARPOON COMET

Andy The Hat
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Boinggggg

<control> "Fire harpoons!"

<rosetta> boiiinnnggggg

<control> "Oh bugger, I forgot the stabilising thruster doesn't work ... it's like one of those boingy, jumpy, springy things you stick to the desk with a sucker ..."

<rosetta> weeeeeeeeee ... "My God, it's full of stars ... and you can call me Harpoon Assisted Lander ..."

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FIRST for HUMANITY: Fridge-size PROBOT headed for COMET TOUCHDOWN

Andy The Hat
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Re: In space no one can hear your sonar

In space, no one can hear you ping?

Or is it more like drumming its fingers on the cometary desk?

Try it - ear hard on the desk and listen carefully as you drum your fingers on the desk ... now move the fingers around and listen to the variation in response and relate that to mass of rubbish on the desk. Now, explain to the boss what you were just doing ...

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GOD particle MAY NOT BE GOD particle: Scientists in shock claim

Andy The Hat
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spelling mistake?

Are we aware if the Mads (Professor) was wearing his Techno-trousers when he announced his Techno-quarks ...?

If it looks like an excuse for a pun and sounds like an excuse for a pun ...

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How Hollywood film-makers wove proper physics into Interstellar

Andy The Hat
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Having a physicist on the team helps ...

"Sunshine" and Brian Cox proves this not to be true ...

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Oh, dear! Scientists uncover Afghan VAMPIRE DEER

Andy The Hat
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Why do people want to smell of deer's excretions?

They'll be smearing whale vomit over themselves next ...

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Boffins want to put Quanta in containers, after docking

Andy The Hat
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Re: Making a qbit at home

I think the 'laying on of hands and sledgehammer' approach to qbit production is probably less feasable than you suggest. Perhaps a large price tage and asking me to insert it where the sun don't shine would make it a more realistic proposition? Would it really increase my memory capacity? Would I start calling myself Sonny? Where do I sign?

Oh, and a back of the envelope calculation for average container bandwidth:

Based on a perfectly reasonable package size, and allowing for some elbow room, each cubic metre of the container could store about 10^16bits using current SDram (not in retail packaging obviously!) If you got rid of all the refrigeration and replaced it with chips that would give 4x10^17bits per load using *current* technology.

But what about the extra noise redundancy containers?

That means we've got another 6 of these containers - so 10^18 bits ...

Hmm 10^12 doesn't look so rosy now ... and you can read them using your tabletty thing of choice without a lab full of quantum reader ...

I'd just hate to be the poor sod who has to plug them all in ...

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Don't bother telling people if you lose their data, say Euro bods

Andy The Hat
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"We lost the data when the burglars came a'burgling and took the server. But it doesn't matter as I had implemented stong encryption so I don't have to tell anyone. And I'm no muppet, the passwords for the database were securely stored - they're on the post-it stuck to my monitor ... where's my monitor ...?"

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World govts elect Swiss big cheese as their new ICANN point man

Andy The Hat
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Mein Gouda! There are 450 varieties of Swiss chees yet you chose to concentrate too Mutschli on a generic Brie based pun! Swiss Brie perhaps but not 'generic' Brie as everyone knows that's French and too f****g runny ... This article should be subject to a complete 'generic' de-brie-fing. I'm so stressed it's like a Raclette in my head, and it's giving me Gruyere!

p.s. And when I said remove Brie references, Emmental of the ...

... sleep now ...

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LOHAN crash lands on CNN

Andy The Hat
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No Nina with a pipe pic? Vulture's standards are slipping ...

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Netscape Navigator - the browser that started it all - turns 20

Andy The Hat
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Seem too many Demonoids here ... what's the official collective noun for us oldies? A turnpike? A rapture? A choir? A geek-fest ...? :-)

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Russian hackers exploit 'Sandworm' bug 'to spy on NATO, EU PCs'

Andy The Hat
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Re: Branding bugs

""Who are the 23% of Windows XP users?"

Having met one and their laptop recently, I can affirm they are users of old kit who don't know the name of their operating system and delete any annoying messages that appear in the bottom right hand corner of their screens."

Or users who actually still have hardware that runs well, familiar software that runs well and is reliable such that the entire system does the job. Why throw even more cash at MicroSoft for a crap front end ... as well as the hardware to run it on!

Yes this is posted from win 7, yes I do also run 7(64) but yes, I still have three machines that run Xp *and do exactly what I want them to do*, so why upgrade them?

Don't for a minute believe all Xp users are numpties ... they may just be a bit fatter in the wallet.

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Ofcom: 'White space' tech to support mobile data services in 2015

Andy The Hat
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"White space" wireless technology could be used for digital terrestrial TV

? Silly me, I thought that, as a consumer, I already received dttv perfectly well over the current frequency bands.

Now let's think again why you would want to put dttv over white space and how this will benefit the consumer in any way shape or form. And alternatively let's consider how the consumer would have to buy new hardware to cope with the change in frequency and the government could rake in a load more dosh selling off frequencies and all that lovely VAT on the hardware ...

Basically they're just building a spaghetti junction of frequencies - and then putting a toll on each road ...

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Rebellion sees Chromium reverse plans to dump EXT filesystem

Andy The Hat
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"I can easily remember when RAM was £30 per 1MB and with some effort when it was priced in GDP."

I feel a Monty Python moment coming on ...

I still have the receipt for four 1Mb sticks at £100 each ... I arranged a 'bulk' order with some mates so I got discount!

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Andy The Hat
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It's DR WHO.

As far as I'm aware the annoying logo in the corner of the screen did not read "DOCUMENTARY".

It's a kids programme.

Why the hell are adults getting so up tight about it?

Now where's my long scarf gone ...?

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DVLA website GOES TITSUP on day paper car tax discs retire

Andy The Hat
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I warned about the govenment 'double charging' tax on car sales months ago.

They could have left the system *exactly* as it was before and simply not printed/sent out the discs - it would have saved the same amount of money - so why didn't they? Because they could grab more hidden taxes! Last estimates on used car sales says that there will be about £10,000,000 extra trawled into government coffers because of this single change!

Money grabbing thieving barstewards doesn't even begine to describe them ...

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Microsoft outspends world's tech firms with '€5m' EU lobby bill

Andy The Hat
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The big money drives the EU - democracy doesn't.

Nothing will change.

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BT claims almost-gigabit connections over COPPER WIRE

Andy The Hat
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"What's the chances of them trialling it on my cabinet - it must be one of the few left still on copper."

... we've still got a dstp/wstp system (damp string to the pole/wet string to the premises). Sometimes the joint leaks and the feed dries up ... at least I think that's what Mr Openreach said ...

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Range Rover to fit trendy new SUV with FRIKKIN' LASER HUDs

Andy The Hat
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"If you need a reminder of the gear you are in then maybe you are not concentrating properly ..."

Proper old Range Rovers only need second and fourth anyway ... oh and low box ... and overdrive ... ok so technically I've got 16 forward gears plus 4 reverse, it would be useful if only to show off!

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NASA's MAVEN enters Mars orbit to sniff its gas

Andy The Hat
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Sniff - I smell "Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator"

Wasn't it an "Illudium pu-38 Intergallactic Space Modulator"? Or are you deliberately trying to make the Martians appear less technically advanced thereby less of a threat when we find them? Do you know something we don't? Do you wear dark glasses and a black suit?

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Andy The Hat
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Hello Canberra ... <ssssssssh> ... come in Canberra ... <shhhhhhhh>

Just for once, perhaps on an April 1st insertion date, let's have the report that they were unable to make radio contact for some time but did receive a somewhat recognisable Jeff Wayne-esque audio stream ...

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Apple's warrant canary riddle: Cock-up, conspiracy, or anti-Google point-scoring

Andy The Hat
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You're in a mine and have a big, bouncy, young canary that sings so loudly it hurts everyone's ears. The mine owners are unhappy as it costs them money when the canary signals ...

The senior miner, wanting more profit from his workforce, decides to "ease their pain" and swap the canary for a older bird, that's quiet, has a touch of narcolepsy and looks peaky at the best of times. Fewer signals, less down time, management happy.

Hasn't changing Apple's canary simply consigned it to a dead canary sketch? It moved ... no it didn't ... it's just resting ...

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Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight

Andy The Hat
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"... a small heater running off a ..."

How much spare Ah capacity do you now have? Must be enough without exceeding the "I've given ye all she's got Cap'n" capacity limit?

On the other hand, trying to add further Ah may exceed the physical constraint "she canna take it Cap'n".

Further low temperature battery/servo testing required I feel.

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SCREW YOU, Russia! NASA lobs $6.8bn at Boeing AND SpaceX to run space station taxis

Andy The Hat
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Silly question, but if they hate the Ruskies so much, why haven't the US cloned the engines yet? Cheaper, stable supply ...

Ok, "Boing" would probably get the supply contract so at least it'd be a stable supply ...

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