* Posts by Andy The Hat

278 posts • joined 21 Oct 2010

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Multiple fondling on the MIGHTY 12-INCH iOS 9 SLAB — so, so close now

Andy The Hat
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now it's 12inches we could add a little keyboard and perhaps a mousey thing and, since it's so unwieldy the user could support it on their knees - we could call it a 'knee-pad' or 'lap-pad' or something and, since it'll be so fab and great, charge one meeeelion dollars ...

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Andy The Hat
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Double the pane?

How come nobody thought of having more than one window or application open at a time before?

Must have been a massive leap of faith by a designer to suggest something so radical ...

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Swedish government wins legal case to seize Pirate Bay domains

Andy The Hat
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Re: The government can take stuff it thinks belongs to you if you've been convicted?

If the domain is rented, surely it returns to the ownership of the registrar at the time of renewal (as mentioned above) otherwise the registrar, not the perpetrator of the crime, is being penalised ...

If I lived in a rented house and committed a crime who would then own the house, the rented tv, the Complete Anthology of Great Works by J K Rowling pamphlet borrowed from the library?

Sounds like a dangerous precedent to set ...

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Ricoh rolls out electrifyingly exciting RUBBER!

Andy The Hat
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Just the thought of the rubber suit makes me feel the electricity run through my extremities. Did I say that out loud? ... Oops :-)

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Pundits ponder perilous placement of STANDING STONES on Comet 67P

Andy The Hat
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Hmm. Having studied this for some time I conclude that they are not 'balancing rocks' as that's just silly.

As the article says the 'objects' are hard to identify, but I think they are actually three ramblers who've sat down for a rest after getting lost just outside Newcastle. The proof is that the trodden path is obvious to their right ...

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Ex 'Tech City' chief Shields appointed junior Fun minister for internet safety

Andy The Hat
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The Government want to give more access to the BT infrastructure for other companies (by proxy via Ofcom) and she happens to be non-exec director of Talk Talk ... Thankfully no obvious conflict of interest there then ...

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Ofcom: Oi, BT! Don't be greedy – feed dark fibre to your rivals

Andy The Hat
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Stupid question here but why aren't 'the rivals' investing in dark fibre networks of their own rather than waiting for BT to spend money doing it then screaming when the owner, BT, puts the lid on the cookie jar?

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Crude scammer targets Brit oil brokers

Andy The Hat
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'Once executed, the PDF ..."

WTF? Why is a PDF able to execute? This was discussed the other day - a PDF is a data file and should be readable by a PDF reader - why is it being executed by the operating system?

Data handling is getting to the stage where a step backwards is required. It may be slick to do things automatically with data files but some common sense control is required.

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Lightbulbs of the future will come with wireless extenders and speakers

Andy The Hat
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Smartlocks, microphones, wi-fi, cameras? Sounds great - as long (a) you're a complete gadget freak and (b) the manufacturer isn't sponsored by GCHQ ...

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DEEPENING MYSTERY of BRIGHT LIGHTS on dwarf world Ceres

Andy The Hat
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Duncan Goodhew, Adrian Moorehouse ... I think they're reflective equivalents ...

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Andy The Hat
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Perhaps both NASA and the non-believers are correct. Maybe the spots are reflected light but it's where the Ceresians (?) have swept the dust away to build the greens for their golf courses ...

Anyway, the lack of the important fact here is obvious - how big are these reflective spots? Presumably much bigger than the Reg-SI unit of a fun-bag but smaller than a blue whale? Or perhaps it's several Olympic sized swimming pools? And do we have an El-Reg unit of reflectivity? Perhaps the light of a 100W bulb reflected of Duncan Moorhouse's bonce = 1 Scalp?

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ISS 'naut: How we collect our POO and DROP it FLAMING on hapless Earthlings

Andy The Hat
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Being good space-personages, do they launch their waste in the direction of Kazistan?

Coat already on ...

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BILLION YEAR SECRETS of baking hellworld Mercury UNLOCKED by NASA probe crash

Andy The Hat
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It's ok talking about 'magnetic fields locked into rocks' but has anyone managed to check out the surface of Mercury recently? As I recall it's got more cratering then a McD loving teenager's frontage ... Surely the extensive reformation of the surface affects the local magnetic field very strongly and the impactors themselves generate huge magnetic anomalies?

I don't understand ...

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SpaceX Dragon crew capsule in 'CHUTE ABORT drama – don't panic, no one died

Andy The Hat
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"Strange that this is essential for SpaceX but NASA's own Space Shuttle had no such escape system"

However much fun a death slide in a wicker basket from a static launcher may be, it doesn't help once the rockets have fired - unless you've got very, very long stretchy wires.

Sorry, I've now got cartoon images of an Acme wicker basket instantly turning to charcoal and a pair of severely scorched coyote eyes blinking as the rocket flies past ...

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'Rombertik' malware kills host computers if you attempt a cure

Andy The Hat
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An executable disguised as a data filef?

FFS, this is 2015 not 1985 ... why is this still possible? Quick file structure check, ring various bells allow brainless user to run it if they want and the rest of us just say no ... Why run it by default?

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Amazon boss Bezos' Blue Origins declares test flight 'flawless' ... if you overlook one snafu

Andy The Hat
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Re: Twig minus berries

"Pleased I read this because I was just about to suggest a similar sort of thing. It does look a bit like a lady's pleasure device."

Doesn't look anything like a shopping trolley ...

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Range Rover Sport: Like a cathedral on wheels, only with comfier pews

Andy The Hat
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200TDi was the last good one - the 300 is a bit more awkward to work on.

Long gone are the days of stories such as 'I made an emergency Land Rover head gasket in my hotel room from a copy of the New York Times' ... That's the reason the military don't want to know - if a vehicle needs computer diagnostics just to find out what may be at fault it means it's not basically serviceable by a squaddie in the middle of the desert and it's potentially a coffin ...

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Andy The Hat
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re: If I was looking for an SUV ...

"From my own experience in a Discovery 2, the wiring loom to the ECU has required replacement due to oil contamination twice now, due to poor design, and the sunroofs are known to leak badly, although mine doesn't have this problem."

Sunroofs leak in lots of cars, electrical faults plague lots of brands, steering racks are prone to failure in half a dozen brands ... the problem (rightfully) is expectation in a very expensive vehicle.

My Range Rover sunroof does not leak (hasn't got one), it hasn't had injector loom leakage (hasn't got one), doesn't suffer from expensive electrically controlled steering rack failures (hasn't got one) and the carpets don't get damp and soggy and rot the footwells - guess why. It's 42 years old, still going strong and doesn't flood carbs as I actually know how to use a choke and do routine maintenance on my engine ...

In my opinion the 'gizmo kids' have beaten the modern vehicle to an unmaintainable, conformant pulp, another large Ford-a-like for the very rich, where style, acceleration, speed and the bass level of a wirelessly connected mp3 player are obviously far more important than reliability, durability, functionality and anything else ending with 'lity' ... sad really.

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Smile! Brit transport plods turn bodycams on travelling public

Andy The Hat
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Re: Who is Kidding Who?

Ha! So funny!

At least nowadays ... hang on, what's a Station Master? Which company does he, she, it work for and are they aware of objects called 'trains', 'timetable' and 'public'?

Anyway, which company is the maintenance done by - is it tracks, signalling, trains, intrastructure? And naturally if it's trains well ... hmmm, tut tut ... it depends which company is it you wish to complain about as it's never their fault you see, there's companies and sub contracts to deal with running tracks, signalling, infrastructure, cleaning, polishing, turd recycling, profiteering ...

Getting increasing disillusioned with the complaints procedure Sir? Let me give you a complaint complaint form ... who's the complaint about again ...? Oh you'll have to ring our call center, those people in India know exactly how our system works and why the 10.45 from Shenfield was late due to the wifi not connecting to the internet in first class so "UK Railway Maps and Timetables For Dummies" didn't subsequently get translated in the drivers cabin ...

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Hubble hits 25th anniversary IN SPAAACE – time for telescope to come home

Andy The Hat
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question ...

Anyway, a more important question ... how do you test a mirror to be used in a weightless environment to fractions of a wavelength when the mirror and its mounting cell will distort under it's own weight on Earth?

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Go for a spin on Record Store Day: Lifting the lid on vinyl, CD and tape

Andy The Hat
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To quote "The LP60 is an automatic turntable, which means it lifts and returns the arm itself. Push buttons on the front select speed, start, stop and raise or lower the arm, while a lever on the top selects seven or twelve inch."

Isn't that actually a re-cased Dansette?

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Soil and sand harden as SPEEDING MISSILES and METEORS SLAM into GROUND – boffins

Andy The Hat
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Re: Hypersonic jobbie?

... just the result of a Sprout Chilli Massala ...

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It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

Andy The Hat
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I'm disgusted!

All the comments here and none, not even one, expresses significant concern for poor Colin!

I'm very upset, I must be as I had to wipe the tears from my eyes as I read about poor, lost, lonely Colin. I can see his poor, sad face now. Tired and starving, he pees up a broken lamppost then gnaws on the last scrawny penguin remnant on the island. The only consolation is the penguin is strangely fresh due to a touch of gamma irradiation ...

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Mature mainframe madness prints Mandlebrot fractal in TWELVE MINUTES

Andy The Hat
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I remember a 5-line piece of BASIC to generate the set ... ran on a BBC micro I believe.

I used Fractint as a performance benchmark for some years - I had a 3.5" floppy with speeds of machines scrawled on the label (initially straight then the writing filled gaps up the side :-) ) starting with an 80186 and finishing at something like the second generation Pentium.

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

Andy The Hat
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Had a good one last night - a 'foreign national' scammer rang me at stupid-o-clock trying to sell a service to block all nuisance calls including those from abroad. The irony of the situation was lost on her ...

ARGHHHHHH.

Can't someone invent remote Tasers?

"Hello"

"... I'm not selling anything Meesta ... urr ...Ga... ", click, pfzzt, thump!

"Thank you for calling. How very enjoyable. Please call again tomorrow." :-)

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Dark matter surveys turn up new satellites … orbiting the Milky Way

Andy The Hat
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Re: Get it right

What about 'some stars'?

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Sick of Chrome vs Firefox? Check out these 3 NEW browsers

Andy The Hat
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It's interesting how few have anything good to say about Vivaldi given it's pre-alpha (and has been for ages) and has heritage. I'm scribbling this with Opera 11.x, normally use 12.x but have partially defected to IE or Chrome as I can't get 12.x to 'liaise' with our IT departments MS firewall/proxy/naughty-filter-total-lockdown-BOFH config ...

Opera innovated - loads of stuff you see now was Opera. How many here use tabbed browsing for instance? IE, FF and Chrome all used Opera features. For some reason Opera felt it was sensible to fork the product, strip out the stuff people liked (mostly its own innovations), and anything else that could be potentially useful, replace it with a software nonentity and effectively kill the v12.x fork.

I like the fact that Vivaldi are attempting to take us to Opera 12-2015. To a large extent I don't care what the underlying engine is, it's what I can feel that matters. When I poke it I want it to respond, instead of wriggling like a wet eel then saying "no, whatever you were trying to change, I know better, hard luck." Get it compatible with modern standards, let me have my tabs and configuration options back and I'll be happy.

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Is light a wave or a particle? Beaming boffins prove it's BOTH

Andy The Hat
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Some electrons, a laser and a wire and you get a wobbly thing.

Exactly as I predicted in my treatise "On the reaction of a wire-restrained aardvark when irritated with a frikkin' shark-controlled laser pointer."

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COSMIC FATTY from the DAWN of TIME simply can't exist – astroboffins

Andy The Hat
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Big bang black hole

Black holes slowly evaporate via Hawking radiation which is basically invisible but stuff falling into black holes liberates huge quantities of energy (equivalent to more than 10 freshly toasted pop-tarts).

How gravity could suddenly stop such that a super-enormo-black-hole becomes a not-a-black-hole (ie the big bang) in less than 10^-36 seconds is somewhat theoretical. Even more theoretical would be how a black hole could 'bang' in such a cataclysmic manner (*) but still leave a black hole 'from which nothing can escape' ...

(*) is "cataclysmic" the correct term for creation of 'something' from 'nothing'?

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MELTDOWN: Samsung, Sony not-so-smart TVs go titsup for TWO days

Andy The Hat
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In defence of Sammy tvs, I've recently bought two smart and two dumb and they're pretty good. The one I bought for the other half streams stuff fine and can (sort of) web browse and she is happy. Being a computer geek, I haven't even connected mine to the wireless ...

Having said that, I hate problems with audio "un-sync" on Freeview ... but that doesn't seem to be a brand related problem but blamed on a more general issue with tv hardware 'unable to cope with the requirements of the data stream'. Sorry, 13 grains-per-sec on "Dave-ja vu-yesterday+1+24+7" too much? Why is there no hard sync between the video frame and the audio?

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Gemalto: NSA, GCHQ hacked us – but didn't snatch crucial SIM keys

Andy The Hat
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Gemalto are in a difficult situation. "We didn't find an intrusion" either means

1) there was a really good intrusion that they didn't find.

2) it never happened.

or

3) there was an intrusion but it wasn't too bad so can be swept rapidly under the carpet.

Option 3 is always likely as Gemalto will be wriggling for their financial lives and is the safest way out (admit a bit, declare "we're great, we coped with it" and "it's self terminating over time so it's ok" or "nobody uses it anyway").

Option 1 is scary and, if true, someone will be in a spooky bar drinking to a job well done!

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Spacewalking NASA 'nauts hook up power and data cables to ISS Harmony module

Andy The Hat
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Re: You think you 'ad it tough.

Carrier pigeon? Lookshury!

All we had was an Iceland frozen chicken with a punched-tape message tied around its gizzard all wrapped up in shiny christmas paper to make a nice packet that we transmitted by throwing from person to person in a long line. Most of the time the 'transmission line' personnel did nothing (hence the term "bored rate").

This was obviously less than efficient - paying people to do now't I mean - and our Sheffield boffins developed a tube-based satellite message delivery system (under the codename "fookin' 'uge chicken tosser!") One cold fowl and a simple high-energy sub-orbital tube-based delivery system generally usable by numpties ("GUN") and we were at the freezing edge of chicky-sat comms ... In hindsight we could have stopped there with long distance KFC delivery systems and ruled the world. But as great British boffinery must advance! We were on the verge of testing it, and had already developed encryption (by cleverly tuning the chicken into a block of frozen chicken soup and encoding the message in vegetables) when development was halted by the Government. Just little errors like siting the secret test launcher in Iraq, pointing it at our reception desk in Tel-Aviv and calling it the Souper Gun ...

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£100 MILLION poured down drain on failed UK.gov IT projects - in just ONE YEAR

Andy The Hat
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Re: myBOL - How appropriate

This is only for one year. The ongoing financial obligations for terminated/cancelled/failed contracts are not included so the figure may initially seem low but could be ten times that over a few years.

Our council had to pay compensation after the withdrawl of an incinerator contract without a brick being laid. However not all that money came out of one year's Council funding so "the final cost will be £40million ..." but a single year's cost is as little as £13 million. Still nice work-for-no-pay if you can get it.

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Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

Andy The Hat
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Optional

Shove a gigabit connection into a few properties and multi-hundred megabit into a few thousand that are easy to do and imagine what that does to your 'average connection speed'! Relatively little outlay, marketing can have a field day and the average punter can get the same old crap down a massively contended line.

I've currently got 2.5Mb/s and "they" keep offering me a deal on fibre, I keep explaining that my overhead string seems to regularly dry out, the plastic cup at the end is cracked so leaking data and it's unlikely to have ye olde shouty-cup-to-fibre-adapter ... "Yes, but I can assure you that you *can* get fibre Sir ... We will have to send an engineer to check though ..." Doh!

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FOCUS! 7680 x 4320 notebook and fondleslab screens are coming

Andy The Hat
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But, being human, I'd have to stick it to my eyeball to notice the difference ...

Another attempt to stimulate the market by getting gullible punters to replace perfectly good hardware with hardware they really don't need ... they'll do it in 3D after that.

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BEHOLD the magnificent lunar backside in our MOON VIDEO

Andy The Hat
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South Pole-Aitken basin is one of the oldest things in the Solar System ... and was found in 1959.

I think that makes it nearly as old as my mum. She'll be glad to know she's officially now the oldest thing in the Solar System ...

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$10,000 Ethernet cable promises BONKERS MP3 audio experience

Andy The Hat
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I haven't seen such a frenzied discussion about Hi-Fi since "The Great Gold Sticker on the Mains Plug" debacle of 1988!

At least these leads are aimed at absolute idiots with more money than sense, my elderly neighbour bought a replacement tv and was hassled by a salesman into buying a scart lead (that they didn't need) for £110 ... the git

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Microsoft explains Windows as a SERVICE – but one version remains a distant dream

Andy The Hat
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Apart from the naming, how does this differ to what's already happening now?

Ah! You miss the point. the user currently has the control over when and where updates are performed and whether pointless "apps" like IE11 are installed.

In the future M$oft want more control ... then, naturally, the user can be "offered" upgrades to purchase from Redmond's Dodgy Software Emporium. "Didn't want that app Sir? Sorry, you've downloaded it and you've been billed $15 as it wasn't a security update but an optional functionality upgrade which you've obviously accepted ..."

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'People ACTUALLY CONFUSE Facebook and the internet in some places'

Andy The Hat
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Facebook is the internet?

Who writes this rubbish?

I thought everyone knows that "the internet" is a small box ... I know because I saw it in sit-com ...

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Amazon's tax deal in Luxembourg BROKE the LAW, says EU

Andy The Hat
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@Tom30 said "I still don't understand why this tax haven is permitted to be part of the EU. Their entire country's economy is predicated on fucking over the rest of us by providing low taxation headquarters."

I wish you would stop answering your own questions ... :-)

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Disk areal density: Not a constant, consistent platter

Andy The Hat
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Memories ...

I haven't seen a disk platter like the headline pic in years ... oh the memories of the smell of oxide dust in the disk pack :-)

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Cool Large Hadron Collider to fire into doubly powerful ring

Andy The Hat
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Bit odd ...

Is it me or did I just read an entire article about the LHC without Prof Brian Cox or black holes slurping the Earth being mentioned? (that's black holes doing the slurping not the Prof you understand ...)

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Is there ANOTHER UNIVERSE headed BACKWARDS IN TIME?

Andy The Hat
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Unfortunately I can't get the abstract. However there are several possibilities in my mind to 'backwards time'.

1) the arrow of time is literally reversed, this would imply that the entire life of the universe is pre-ordained to allow the opposites to happen. It would also result in the spontaeous creation of life from the charred remains of death ...

2) actions in one time domain are exactly the opposite of the other - ala Red Dwarf scenario. At the very least this would be painful and result in bad hair days ...

3) the arrow of time is relative. In other words the actions taking place in each universe/dimension may be identical but the action on a larger scale is not. Take as an example two sensory-deprived people pulling on opposite ends of a rope, each pulls with apparently identical parameters but to an observer they are pulling in exactly opposite directions ... This is the doppleganger scenario ...

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Virgin Media's ad fibs EXPOSED by bitter rival BT

Andy The Hat
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re Who actually funds the ASA?

"the 0.1% levy on the cost of buying advertising space and the 0.2% levy on some direct mail "

It's also interesting, according to their own reports, that they resolved more cases in 2013 and 2014 than complaints lodged ...

http://www.asa.org.uk/About-ASA/~/media/Files/ASA/Annual%20reports/Website%20KPI%20publication%20-%20Q1%202014.ashx

Perhaps I'm missing something ...

But at least if you're ruled against they do actually have teeth - they can put you on their 'non compliant' page like all of these ...

http://www.asa.org.uk/Rulings/Non-compliant-online-advertisers.aspx

It's like being at school; "Was Steven naughty today? You can check to see if we put his name on the 'Wall of Shame' which can be found in the basement behind the third cabinet on the left ... remember to take a torch."

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A nation of CODERS? Yes, says UK.gov, and have some cash to do it

Andy The Hat
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re offering school leavers a bursary to study maths or physics

So they withdraw the windfall for newly qualified physics teachers (ie those who have made it) and announce 'new money' to give to 'potential' physics teachers instead.

Still, at least the support staff (who actually have to teach some of these muppets as practical skills are next to nil) are known to be able to exist on just above basic minimum wage ...

I hate the Government.

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Government locked into £330m Oracle contract until 2016

Andy The Hat
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and instead they're spending it in spendings?

No, don't be silly that would not be planning for the future correctly.

As we all know, they've probably got a consultant in (at £extortionate) to *tell* them they can spend it in spendings but not until *after* the election so that's a saving by this government and 'planning for the future'! And of course, not only do they shaft the incoming governments finances but what they could have saved long term will be more than offset by the spendyness of the consultants and the pocketing of directors fees by ex-ministers ...

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Gigabit-over-copper VDSL successor G.fast signed off at last

Andy The Hat
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Fastest ADSL offered to me is direct 75Mb over fibre ... why would I want a short hop Gb connection *outside* the house? Inside I'd use ethernet anyway ... Don't see the market.

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Nothing illegal to see here: Tribunal says TEMPORA spying is OK

Andy The Hat
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"The tribunal also found that there was no problem in sharing intelligence with the US National Security Agency, or accessing information obtained through the NSA’s PRISM programme. However, it relied on secret government policies in reaching this decision."

To paraphrase, "as long as it's Government policy, however secret or illegal, it's legal".

This smells increasingly bad to me ...

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Kaspersky: That 2 years we took to warn you about Regin ? We had GOOD REASON

Andy The Hat
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"Legspin" proves it was either Aussie or British. Nobody else in the world even knows the term to use it surreptitiously ...

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Boffins unearth the ultimate antique art - 500,000 years old

Andy The Hat
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A cynic

If I was in any way a Homo type thing, would I bother to take a long time to make a neat little hole at the bottom of a shell followed by fiddling around with a sharp stick to cut the muscle to open it? I'd just smack the hinge with a small stone or perhaps put it in the embers of the fire ...

Looks like an 'adornment' piece to me like a bangle or necklace - the hole is for a cord of some kind. Perhaps it is some kind inscription - could be Erectus for 'Ug's necklace', or may even be the Homo version of a Rosetta shirt ...

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