Started to work...

...then logged me off saying I had been inactive for 10 minutes. Which patently was untrue. Still, when it works, it's great!

That's what dictionaries are for

They contain words.

And I expect my dictionary to list words that are obscene/vulgar with guidance as to possible offensiveness so I don't commit a faux pas like David Cameron and make a right twat out of myself.

Paris - because...

@ Chris Mellor 1

Yeah! I've got one. And it's pretty good. That is it does what it should. So far. Ain't that fantastic?

Amazon's mistake?

Amazon should pay. They should have left the books where they were and compensated the rights holders. If I'd bought a Kniddle because it contained 1984 I would be seriously miffed if it were removed.

Supermarket staff

A couple of weeks ago I was in a shop, one publicised by a certain J.O., when the be-gloved checkout lady coughed into said glove and continued to handle food etc with said glove.

I felt decidedly unwell for several hours after.

But I'm not dead yet.

However my point is that if we're all going to get it we may as well get it in the summer when we normally don't get flu thus leaving the winter free for the incubation of the good old traditional illnesses we have grown to love so.

Reliable Macs?

I've never seen one. Mine -dual processor G5 - rapidly lost its screen, keyboard, mouse and built in DVD drive. Now it runs for perhaps 5 mins before collapsing. And its not just me. All over Mac people are having to have new "logic" boards and considering it perfectly normal.

Well let me tell you Mac Boiz, EVERY PC I have owned since time began has been 100% hardware reliable. The Operating System? Well that;s a different story - remedied by inserting a penguin flavoured disk in the appropriate orifice.

@ AC

"I often wonder why organ donation isn't an opt-out system, apart from religi-tards I don't know anyone who objects to the process."

Because, why should I give for free something that has taken me a lifetime of loving care and maintenance? I take regular exercise, I don't smoke, don't drink too much, eat a careful balanced diet. The arrogance of the State such that they think they can claim ownership even in death. Now if there were a sweetener in the form of a payment to my nearest and dearest maybe representing somewhere near the amount the health service would save by saving someone from a lifetime of dialysis - then I may consider. Otherwise MY meat is reserved for burial in MY garden to benefit MY roses.

The sheer impertinence, the lefty-pinko-communist thought process that says that just because someone "needs" something they can have it forcefully removed from my dead body. Most transplant recipients have a lifetime of medication anyway. So it's not like joy and laughter and sun ever after - just even more drain on the overstretched NHS budget.

Well, here's the thing. We're all gonna die. Some people sooner than others. That's just the way it is. If you don't like it take it up with God. Heaven forfend that my liver could end up in someone like George Best. What a yellow, jaundiced waste of space.

And we have to assume that all transplant doctors are angels. Who's to say that they don't have a vested interest in declaring someone dead who's maybe just feeling a bit peaky. How many people can benefit from one person's death? I'm not sure, but I heard that by the time all the corneas and other bits of gristle are taken into account it can be as many as 20. What's one life to save 20?

So, why not do like they do in China - harvest from the prisoner population?

Our Great Leader...

...said that alongside water and electricity, broadband is one of life's essentials.

Here's an experiment for you. Take 3 cabinet ministers and deprive one of them of water, one of electricity and one of broadband and see which one dies first. If necessary take the whole parliamentary nu-lab party and repeat until absolutely sure, or all are dead, however long it takes.

Woot?

Met refuse to act unless someone affected complains?

A criminal offence has taken place - they should investigate it. Pure and simple.

And then have the BBC shut down forthwith. Castration for male staff, nail pulling for the females, burning at stake for the rest. lefty pinko commy bastards...

Love it

P-H-P

And Me

Sitting in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Before I met PHP, Perl was my girl. Still mess with her some days for old times' sake.

RSPCA parallels

I'm afraid that the posters drawing our attention to this may be more accurate than many people may realise. The RSPCA, though a charity, dresses like the police, behaves like the police and claims to itself many police-like powers. Indeed, though IANAL, I believe that Nu-Lab have given its "inspectors" some legal standing.

And like the police, they are not above "funny" behaviour. Many years ago there was a documentary about dog fighting. Part of the "evidence" gathered and confiscated by the RSPCA pending legal action were reproduction prints of victorian paintings of bulldogs.

And this is the point. And this is why we should all be scared. Having an antique picture of a dog is NOT evidence of a crime. But because THEY say it is, it is.

As it is in matters children and dogs so it will be with matters Internet. And so it will be with other self-appointed special interest watchdogs (excuse the pun) yet to make their presence known. Example: It is well known that people ACCUSED of crimes against animals are guilty of child abuse, hence RSPCA may well contact NSPCC - not my words, read this and be scared

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/publications/Downloads/understandingthelinks_wdf48177.pdf

I do not defend either animal or child abuse.

We're all guilty now

That's all - no room for smugness. I believe our masters won't rest until they find a way of criminalising everyone.

@Greg

Me too, to some extent. I was gobsmacked to have to hand over a great big wad of cash to a commercial firm and reboot into windows juust to submit my return...

Crossword enthusiasts...

...will have noticed the opportunity to ask questions like:

Who tots up the tots totted up by the tots?

OK I'm off - mines the one with the Jack Daniels in the poachers pocket.

@Henry

"If you read the article (rather than just looking at the picture) it's pretty obvious that they've just replaced all the degree symbols with zeroes."

You mean there was an article?

Not so good

Most of the above scenarios, wine, fire, flood wouldn't have caused much damage a good drying out wouldn't have cured. I am not impressed.

iSpex3D will do it

Apple iSpex3D. Make them only available to subscribers to Virgin Media. The Apple branding will make them a must-have for all the fanbois or Mactards. Can't see how it will phail.

There's a book...

...called Positioning. It's all about how to make a distinction between your products and the rest of the market. For me the 5 year warranty did it. I thought "here's a product about which the manufacturers feel confident enough to put their money where their mouths are."

Well, if even Seagate admit their drives are no less crap than the competitors, what's to stop us previoulsy loyal customers from thinking the same?

Sex with dead animals?

Or bits of them. What about a dildo made of bone? Or somebody clad in dead animal skin - oh wait, that's leather. Or what if someone you were making love with keeled over at the (in)appropriate time... It's all OK I guess if it's not being filmed, but with so many CCTV cameras how can we know? So many ways to break the law and so little time.

@ Dion

What you said. Me too.

Think of the children

Anything which poses risk to minors must be stopped.

And when it's you?

Maybe we should all live transparently where everybody knows evefrything about us from our browsing habits to what we just bought in Sainsbury's. Get your neighbours to check on the state of your underwear before it is washed? Nothing to fear, nothing to hide...

Or is it just OK because the BNP are a bunch of racist berks? I detect a slippery slope here.

I am more offended than you

I'm sick and tired of the "offence auction" that takes place in cases like these. This is completely different from the Brand/Ross debacle in that the gruesome twosome actually phoned Senor Sachs. Jezzer was just carrying on in his imitable Clarksonesque manner.

Sorry, but

Enough already! Sarah who?

The election's been and gone. Like yesterday, man...

Who's iPhone is it?

Does it belong to the customer or to Apple?

If I buy an iPhone I'd like to be the judge of what I could stick on it.

What's that I see?

A handcart? Bound for where? Hell? And we're all going there in it?

I must have missed freedom's funeral - I would beg our political masters to remember the 5th of November...

Linux - is it true?

"Users will be able to choose between Windows XP or Linux on all three models. All three have integrated webcams too...."

A penguin's wet dream really. I for one am more than salivating at the thought of the great OS on one of these babies. Might even get one if my credit's not too crunched.

@ blackworx

Calm down dear. Words change their meanings. AFAIK 'gay' is used in a derogatory way in the patois of younger people - however this does not in anyway refer to homosexuals or the practices thereof. Gay has had a long an illustrious career before it was commandeered to mean friends of Dorothy - and I for one look forward to the day it will resume its place in the lexicon and simply mean cheerful/happy.

Shurely shome mishtake...

Was that a real ad? In whose world? I kept waiting for the "OK kids, this is all a joke" bit.

I think I might just... then again, I can't be bothered. I have been whipped up into a frenzy of apathy.

How very Nu-Lab

Standards have slipped - the refusal to engage is typical. The lies, spin and hypocrisy - I could weep for the soul of a once august institution.

Plod says you cannot.

After having my collar felt for taking a photograph in a public place of a certain gateway I can safely say that all photography these days has first to be cleared by a local law official.

Why should google be treated any different from the rest of us?

Oh wait. They've got plenty of money...

Coat, Passport, See yah!

@ hammarbtyp

Re Bit disappointed with Verity

I'm a bit disappointed with you and your standard of written communication.

> "It would also be nice to know whether Verity felt they..."

So, Verity is more than one person?

>"Verity's tutor should of been a bit more willing to discuss there comments..."

Utter nonsense - meaningless.

If you had any honour, you would resign your OU position in shame at your semi-literate meanderings. Be gone, now!

We're all spammers now

It's a sad fact. But if you want a site to do well you have to play Google's game. Keyword density and inbound links. It's not different than any other situation - women love flowers, Google loves inbound links - if you want to get anywhere with the object of your desire you just have to give it what it wants.

Paris - because...

Scary, Orwellian

Leading questions designed to get the answer they want from minds they're hoping to indoctrinate...

What a load of old bullocks.

Paris - because she knows bullocks when she sees them

Gotta love it

You'd need a heart of stone not to laugh!

Nice to see giant like Google can be brought to its knees.

Paris - because that's like real near Germany, isn't it?

@Fonts

I am so tired of the FUD about Linux fonts - take an early bath, Anonymous Coward.

@AC

"If caller-ID can be spoofed like this, that means it's broken and needs fixing."

Hear hear! Give that man a beer. If someone does this to me then I'm straight on to Trading Standards plus Small Claims court to get back every penny extracted from me under false pretences that Caller ID was actually supposed to show me the number of the caller. FFS who amongst the ship of fools will take any responsibility for anything. I want someone to fine, right now!

Paris - because she is fine... <ahhhhh>

A lot of modern products are Carp

The brand new FM radio that couldn't pick up a signal in my kitchen versus my 25 year old radio with a half-snapped antenna that receives a multitude of stations with no problem. When I took the former back, the manager of C*met ended up agreeing with me that things aren't what they used to be. Specifically one should not expect a modern wireless set to perform as well as an ancient one.

Paris - because I expect her to perform as well