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* Posts by Joe Harrison

353 posts • joined 1 Jun 2007

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Lights OUT for Philae BUT slumbering probot could phone home again as comet nears Sun

Joe Harrison

Didn't you get the memo? This is being done on the cheap. You're thinking of Optimus Primark.

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Cloud skills certification can add zeros to your pay cheque

Joe Harrison

Certs not so bad

There's nothing wrong with certificates as such. If you need your botnet herd looked after properly then wouldn't you rather have someone who's studied his socks off and is now a Certified Botnet Shepherd?

Unfortunately where the model falls down is that nothing in the IT biz stays the same for long. The "getting the right certificate" cycle is longer than the "what's hot this week" cycle and people can't be expected to run looking over their shoulder on a permanent certification treadmill.

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Finnish PM: Apple has DESTROYED FINLAND

Joe Harrison

Finland is different

I used to work for a Finnish tech company and to my mind their single most difficult characteristic was inability to admit when something was not working.

Pointing out a deficiency in your own company's product or strategy was tantamount to high treason so of course nobody did. There were probably plenty of people in Nokia who knew what was wrong they just didn't dare stand up and say so.

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Chinese researchers develop fuzzy search algorithm for encrypted cloud data

Joe Harrison

?

What is the point of encrypting your stuff if people can still search to see what is in it. (Is it just me?)

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Consumers agree to give up first-born child for free Wi-Fi – survey

Joe Harrison

Nobody reads those things

I never do, and even if people can be bothered the agreement is often not formatted to be read easily on a tiny phone screen. I just tick "yes" to everything. Does it really matter when everything I care about is via SSL or some other encryption.

Good luck trying to enforce the favourite pet thing as well.

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Indian MOM just LOVES it on Mars, tweets fave holiday snap

Joe Harrison

Re: Congratulations India.

I knew this would get posted somewhere in the thread and I think it's a tribute to people's respect for the Indian achievement that it has taken until now.

Downvote all you want but I grew up in a slum in Rochdale where we literally had no indoor plumbing, shared a toilet with other houses. A fuge number of people in India today would think "Luxshury!" to that since they have no toilet at all. Sorry Indian government but if you want respect fix that first, then you can go to Mars.

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iPhone 6: The final straw for Android makers eaten alive by the data parasite?

Joe Harrison

Agree. Not long ago I found a top-end phone at a conference and luckily was able to return it to its owner. When I located her she was just about having the screaming habdabs at the thought she had lost something worth 500 or more.

Losing or breaking a phone is easily done so I don't understand why anyone would risk an expensive one purely for the bling factor or social status. Of course I don't want to lose my own (cheapo) phone but if it unfortunately happened I would just buy another one and forget about it.

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Joe Harrison

Re: Emerging markets

There might be a spot for Windows phones, in corporate enterprises that are all-Microsoft. What if a Windows phone is the only one that works with your sharepoint, your Exchange, your AD, your Lync...

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Joe Harrison

Really can't get this

What's the difficulty? The manufacturers design a phone which costs 50 to make and they sell it for 100 (or 90 or whatever). The software is not their problem as Google has done it all for them. Ungrateful bastards. Meanwhile more importantly I can avoid having to spend 600 quid on an Apple phone.

I searched my memory but I don't recall traditional PC manufacturers saying phew it's lucky Windows is not free otherwise we would be out of business.

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Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us

Joe Harrison

Re: The proposed approach could have clear practical implications

Crimbr 2.0 is an innovative cloud-based solution which blends leading-edge academic research with dynamic crowd-sourced information to deliver attractive realtime offence-commission opportunities that (contd. p.94)

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Driving with an Apple Watch could land you with a £100 FINE

Joe Harrison

Re: Speedo?

Yes it is, maybe not the speedo but the other stuff. I've had my car for six years and the heater is so fiddly I still can't do it without looking carefully.

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WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups

Joe Harrison

Re: Blind date?

Think you misspelled ambidickstrous.

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JINGS! Microsoft Bing called Scots indyref RIGHT!

Joe Harrison

bing ka-shing!

Never used Bing but if it can accurately answer any natural language query about Scotland then I'm heading over there right now with mine.

"OK Bing what will be tonight's winning lottery numbers Scotland?"

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Hate Facebook? Hate it enough to spend $9k fleeing it? Web 'country club' built for the rich

Joe Harrison

Been there done that

Just around Y2K I was working for an organisation that wanted to sell what would today be called "private facebooks" to professional membership organisations. It was not a bad idea from the perspective of that time but ultimately failed.

The only point of being on a facebook or a linked-in or a <next big thing here> is that everyone else is on it. Who wants a phone that can only dial a closed group. Sorry but this is doomed.

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Got your NUDE SELFIES in the cloud? Two-factor auth's your best bet for securing them

Joe Harrison

Re: While you're offering advice...

Maybe join a gym and cut down on the cakes?

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Phones 4u slips into administration after EE cuts ties with Brit mobe retailer

Joe Harrison

cashback disaster

Not pointing at any particular phone retailer but many of them had a terrible reputation for using technicalities to avoid paying the "cashback when you send us your fourth monthly bill" style of rebates which were popular a few years back. Alleged victims spread the news and I believe that permanently and severely depressed a lot of their repeat business.

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Joe Harrison

Re: re.. simfree

Aha not so much a Flashing Blade then as one of us Potato Peelers. I know the Huawei G300 quite well and I would respectfully suggest that it is the wrong side of the speed and usability line by now and you might usefully spend the 60-80 quid at Tesco for the non-LTE Moto G.

As far as Phones 4U is concerned I hated it when went there once and failed to buy a phone for one of the kids so never went back. My last three phones came unlocked either from Tesco online or from Chinese websites so I can't say I understand the need for high street phone shops, nor for direct sales from the networks. So long as cheap PAYG continues to be available that is all I need.

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Apple Watch will CONQUER smartwatch world – analysts

Joe Harrison

Sleeping

I'm a huge fan of the "sleep analyser" apps such as Sleep As Android. They rely on motion sensors which means you rather inconveniently have to keep your phone in bed with you. It would be quite a win to avoid that by having the app use the watch sensors instead. See? I found an actual use for it.

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This flashlight app requires: Your contacts list, identity, access to your camera...

Joe Harrison

Not as big a problem as it looks

You could always reflash your phone with Cyanogenmod, whose built-in "Privacy Guard" allows you to set a default "no access" for apps. It's not a perfect solution but takes care of the major risks.

The message in the article is right though in that most of the apps which over-enthusiastically grab permissions never actually attempt to use those permissions. On a few occasions privacy guard does pop up "this app is trying to access your contacts" or some such with no valid reason. Answering "no" mostly seems to crash the app unfortunately.

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BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

Joe Harrison

The BBC is working as hard as they can to put a stop to that! Used to be FTA all over Europe and immensely valuable to groups of expat British people, the largest of which is probably in southern Spain.

Retirees are crying in their cervezas however now that the BBC managed to shrink Astra 2E's footprint such that UK telly does not work there any more. Well not unless you have a Jodrell Bank sized dish at least.

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Joe Harrison

You can't avoid it by not watching BBC

I've got a dish pointed at a satellite which serves another country, guess what I now count as a license payer and the BBC get my money.

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You are here => Earth is in 'the suburbs' of an IMMENSE HEAVEN

Joe Harrison

Exactly. Nothing could possibly be that big, which proves we are living in a simulation.The operators of the simulator are not allowed to tell us that directly but the hundred quadrillion bit is their subtle hint. QED.

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Siri: Helpful personal assistant or SERIAL APP KILLER?

Joe Harrison

Paranoid, moi?

You would be entering a large number of voice samples... would there be a back door uploading them to train someone's vocal recognition system? Your burner phone would no longer fool them would it.

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Top beak: UK privacy law may be reconsidered because of social media

Joe Harrison

He wha?

"If I want to do or say something which I am only prepared to do or say privately, then it is an interference with my freedom of expression if I cannot do it or say it because it will be reported in a newspaper," he said.

How does he work that one out? It's not true just because he says it is.

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Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Joe Harrison

Re: Well, no I'm not in favour of thumping people as a general rule but.......

I'm not sure people would thump you in reality, although as you have set the location to be a bar who knows what people will do when they've been drinking.

There is a guy in America who gets someone to film him as he walks through Da Hood filming strangers. Predictably they mostly do all get immediately violent, some of them even pulling guns. I prefer to think UK bods would be a bit more like "now look here old chap".

Regardless, I think if you actually did thump someone merely on the grounds that they might have been filming you then you would be getting your collar felt shortly afterwards.

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Joe Harrison

Of course it is real, there can be no doubt

It's real alright. It is obvious and happening right in front of your eyes how could it not be real.

The problem comes when you discover how hard it is to come up with an adequate definition of "real" (hint: there isn't one).

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Joe Harrison

the real reason

I work a lot with public-facing entertainers outside of the music industry and they too went through a phase of "please don't put it on youtube". They didn't want everyone to be completely familiar with their act when they do it again next time somewhere else.

As I say it was a phase and has now largely gone away - firstly they know it is a lost cause and secondly they found the exposure was beneficial and didn't impact future audiences.

Not disagreeing that people with cameras during the actual performance are very annoying.

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Joe Harrison

Why did the chicken only cross half-way?

It was a Rhode Island red

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It's time for PGP to die, says ... no, not the NSA – a US crypto prof

Joe Harrison

Re: He's right! PGP sucks to use!

PGP just does not work for normal people.

I have no problem setting up my own mail environment for both PGP and S/MIME security but I only know about two other people in my social circle who would be able to read it if I actually did send them an encrypted message. So what practical use is that?

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Govt control? Hah! It's IMPOSSIBLE to have a successful command economy

Joe Harrison

The internet

Have we so soon forgotten the central planning to create the internet? No... because there wasn't any... I am always astounded that such a big complex system that "just works" (for the most part) in over 9000 countries had no real plan.

Think about it though the internet was not Soviet-style centrally-planned, but neither was it really built by capitalism. A true co-operative effort is the best way I can think of it and that's the model I personally would like to see for the economy generally.

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Amazon smacks back at Hachette in e-book pricing battle: We're doing it for the readers

Joe Harrison

I don't get it

If you look inside one of these here "e-books" do you know what it is filled with? Words, that's what.So many words in fact that it reminds you strongly of that "interweb" thingy which is also ankle deep in words. What is the difference between e-book internet words and normal internet words? Apart from one being 20% vattable.

In any case wasn't The Internet supposed to link us all together and eliminate the need for middle men such as Hachazon?

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Ancient pager tech SMS: It works, it's fab, but wow, get a load of that incoming SPAM

Joe Harrison

Kevin Holley = top bloke

I used his SMS daemon in the 1990s to provide web->SMS for our entire company.

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Joe Harrison

Re: How to cut SMS spam volumes by 90%

Wouldn't that happily cause problems?

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Astounding: We're about to stick a probe in orbit of a COMET

Joe Harrison

Why do they never tell you why?

A massive amount of effort and planning so they can land on a space rock and take samples. Surely the samples will turn out to be the sort of materials you do normally expect to find in rocks? "Yep! It's a rock alright!" Or are they hoping to find something different and exciting?

For the benefit of us non-rock(et)-scientists... why exactly are they doing this?

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Fiat Panda Cross: 'Interesting-looking' Multipla spawn hits UK

Joe Harrison

It's a slippery slope

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REGULAR FISTING is GOOD for your HEALTH, says respected surveyor

Joe Harrison

Re: embarrasing

A couple of my fingers are a bit sore, dunno why maybe RSI or touch of arthritis. They are fine and I don't bother unless I actually whack them one when yes it does hurt. Believe me I really hate shaking hands with the bonecrushing types who have read too many Top Business Tips and are terrified of showing weakness by presenting a limp handshake. Can't be just me?

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Whoah! How many Google Play apps want to read your texts?

Joe Harrison

The way I limit this

1. Cyanogenmod "privacy guard" natively allows you to prevent apps looking at your private stuff, contacts etc. regardless of what permissions the app thinks it has.

2. Use a PAYG SIM and not put much credit on it. That way a rogue premium dialler can at worst cost me ten quid or so.

Not saying this is a complete fix but it prevents the two most heinous problems.

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French telco takes on US rival Netflix... with whose dongle?

Joe Harrison

Broadcom 7225

Really?

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MonkeyParking FLINGS AWAY San Francisco service

Joe Harrison

Re: Our Mission

If you've ever driven round for ages not being able to find a parking space you surely would agree that something - anything - to match up spare spaces with frustrated drivers would be useful. A pity really but you have to agree with Charles Manning that this would be a recipe for a punch-up the first time it went wrong.

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Google de-listing of BBC article 'broke UK and Euro public interest laws' - So WHY do it?

Joe Harrison

not illegal

How can it be illegal for Google to remove one of its own links? The EU ruling just says that Google must remove a link if an individual requests it, unless there is a public interest angle. The ruling does not say the opposite (that if there is public interest then the link must remain.)

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Joe Harrison

Re: Things that make me weep

I have been there though :(

Tech Guy A, not stupid, but there are some things nobody has told him about so obviously he doesn't know. Such as their in-house SSH key management procedures. He goes and asks Tech Guy B who gives him the correct answer. Tech Guy A does a heroic job of understanding a completely new concept then phones you with a request that makes 60% sense. What can you do.

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NSA man says agency can track you through POWER LINES

Joe Harrison

50Hz hum randomiser

A box that outputs hum patterns of your choice. These could be fake ones randomly generated, or maybe real ones streamed over the internet from the Taiwanese national grid. Remember folks you heard it here first.

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Google: Glass goggles are a 'fairly lousy surveillance device'

Joe Harrison

can we stop saying glasshole yet

Every time there is a new personal technology we feel this deep urge to take the p out of early adopters. Like analog mobile phones, bluetooth headsets, and now smart specs. Then once we get to a critical mass of users suddenly it's all perfectly acceptable. Can you imagine in 2014 laughing hysterically about"some moron" pulling out a mobile phone well that's what used to happen in the 1990s.

Ten quid will get you an unobtrusive clip-on camcorder about the size of the typical USB flash memory stick. How is that any worse than special glasses.

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Oculus seeks partners in drive to get a billion people into virtual reality

Joe Harrison

too late

It's already possible to make a virtual environment which is so immersive and realistic that you actually forget you are inside it. Look around you.

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David Cameron wants mobe network roaming INSIDE the UK

Joe Harrison

Missing the point

All the complex arguments about coverage and revenue are missing the point. I as a consumer should have the anytime free choice to which network I would like to give my business. If I knew that Starbucks were doing half-price coffee today then that's where I would go even though I normally prefer Costa. Why not the same when I turn on my phone.

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San Francisco issues SMACKDOWN on parking spot sale software

Joe Harrison

Re: Explain please!

What if A is parked in a space and "sells" it to B but then C arrives who is unaware of all this and grabs the space first?

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EE in giant VoLTE-face as it tries voice calls over Wi-Fi... again

Joe Harrison

Cake and eat it

Why are they doing this - I suppose to take the load off their cellular infrastructure? A benefit for them but not for you.

Anyone savvy enough to mess with VOIP over wifi probably expects to be rewarded with cheap calls for their efforts. Especially if they are roaming - I certainly enjoy my sub-1p/min calls over hotel wifi.

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Google, Microsoft to add remote KILL switch to phones

Joe Harrison

Really?

My phone cost 89 quid at Tesco - why would I want a kill switch? Just buy another one.

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Android is a BURNING 'hellstew' of malware, cackles Apple's Cook

Joe Harrison

Re: AC Really?

The Apple guy's argument doesn't make sense. We all know you can make your users more secure by locking down their ability to do things. Does not mean that is necessarily a good idea. I don't need a phone nanny thank you.

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SCIENCE explains why you LOVE the smell of BACON

Joe Harrison

Re: How does it work for bacon-haters?

The Quorn "fake bacon is really nice. They have obviously taken the approach of finding out exactly what it is that UK people expect from bacon, probably they are monitoring this very thread in fact.

Processed meats are the top cause of colon cancer so a bit crazy to eat actual bacon if you want to live.

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