* Posts by launcap

260 posts • joined 16 Jul 2010

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Halifax's '24/7' online banking service is down YET AGAIN

launcap
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FAIL

Re: So what's new?

> apart from when you get a message saying "there's been an error, try later"

Sounds like they have been taking lessons from Vodafone and/or Three..

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Nuclear waste spill: How a pro-organic push sparked $240m blunder

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Re: Three points

> they didn't have a proper specification of materials? It just said "mix it with some cat-litter." ?

Specification was presumably read from a marketing handout..

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Re: Why not organic kitty litter?

> Got to have something to do with all the newspapers and Weetabix byproducts...

Ours is compressed wood pellets - once the (ahem) solids are sieved out, the remainder can go into the compost heap where it makes a quite nice accellerator..

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It's the FALKLANDS SYNDROME! Fukushima MELTDOWN to cause '10,000 Chernobyls' in South Atlantic

launcap
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Re: I'm disgusted!

> The only consolation is the penguin is strangely fresh due to a touch of gamma irradiation ...

Oh noes! Does that mean we'll shortly be invaded by giant mutated dachshunds?

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Devil

Re: Bloody stupid ...

Who knows? Dachshund owners are a strange lot..

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Mushroom

> Or option D: burying nuclear waste in cat litter.

With one of our cats, I'd rather take the nuclear waste..

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Encryption is the REAL threat – Head Europlod

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Re: This is the stuff of Blake's 7 'Federation'....

So where is my spaceship? And while we are at it, I want a slightly sarky supercomputer-inna-box..

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Re: Encryption is not the problem.

> then one might as well become one

"Might as well be hanged for a man as a sheep"

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launcap
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Unhappy

Re: AT WHAT POINT WILL THEY STOP?

> After the revolution of course.

Which will then need protecting from the anti-revolutionary reactionary forces. And to do that, they will need to read all your communications..

Ad infinitum, ad nauseum. So the wheel turns.

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Prostrate yourself before the GNU, commands Indian DEITY

launcap
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Re: Nice fit

> Pantheism and linux distros. What can possibly go right/wrong?

Steady on - the systemd developers accept no other deity than them..

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Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

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Re: A very clever piece of social engineering by these corporations

> The Islamic world was generations ahead of the western world in science, medicine, art, culture, and engineering.

>Then they got religion.

If they didn't have religeon before then how come they were (to use your words) 'The Islamic world'?

Hint: Your statement is utter nonsense - the Islamic renaissance was in the 8-th to 14th centuries, well after Islam itself arose. And was in huge contrast the the reactionary and backward-looking 'Christian' west.

Then after the 14th century, the situation flipped around with the Renaissance starting in the west and increased resistance to scientific thought in the Islamic world.

Nothing to do with "getting religeon".

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Police ICT Company finally lurches off the ground

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FAIL

> However they don't seem to have even one person working for them

>that has been educated to degree level in an IT related subject. Not one

Or even someone who knows what they are talking about and/or doing..

(Hint: a degree isn't needed in order to be IT-capable or competent. In support, the reverse is often true!

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Short circuit at Large Hadron Collider slows return to matter-mauling

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> A carelessly discarded KitKat wrapper

Should have upgraded to lollipop then. Nice plastic wrappers!

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Frayed British Airways plays down mega hack attack on frequent flyer accounts

launcap
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Re: I'm just amazed that

>AF persistently lose my bags at CDG

Try shipping servers as hold luggage then - CDG -> Amsterdam -> Bergen with two Sun servers (E450s - t'was a while ago!).

Half our hold luggage arrived. But no servers. They were going for a nice holday in Rome!

Still - it got me an extra 3 days in Bergen so not all bad :-)

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Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

launcap
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> test when you have to renew your licence, every ten years

What is this 'renew your license' of which you speak? I don't have to..

(Still got the old-type license. Sure, it's held together with document tape, still has the [now very expired] speeding points on it and is pretty battered from years of bike-jacket occupancy, but they'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands before I'll 'upgrade' it to a photo license.

I object to the fake 10-year renewal money scam and the common stories of allowed vehicle categories somehow failing to get migrated to the new license.

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Re: Bad training

> Ten thousand hours, though - that's potentially half a million miles

The 10K hours rule is also a myth..

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Re: Another nail in the coffin...

> you don't have to be a "petrolhead" to understand that it is *inappropriate* speed for the conditions that is the real danger,

*ding* *ding* *din<crash>

Oops. Broke the ringer..

The only times I ever got caught going a tad too fast on the bike was by bike cops. And mostly they were more concerned about whether I was riding safely (according to the conditions) rather than obeying the (sometimes) arbitrary road limits.

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Re: Human nature

> massive barbed spike sticking out the middle of the steering wheel

Or disallow someone from taking their car test until the have a certain number of hours on a motorbike or scooter (with potential medical exemptions).

Nothing like being on two wheels to teach you that you are not invulnerable..

(amusingly, I've never had a crash over 10mph* and had more in the car than I ever did on a bike)

*Yes, yes, queue the jokes about 'you need to drive/ride faster then.

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Re: If you need to be seen, sidelights.

> When I passed my test my parents rightly said 'now you will learn to drive properly'.

Indeed. Likewise.

I'm also firmly of the opinion that people who have just passed their tests shouldn't have automatic access to motorways since they require a different degree of forward thinking and anticipating than town driving.

All it needs is a follow-on lesson from someone to hammer home the difference.

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Re: If you need to be seen, sidelights.

> I won't mention driving with fog lights when it's not foggy...

froth, froth.. Kill them, kill them all!

Anyone fancy inventing a nice IR laser that can auto-target improperly used foglamps? I'm sure that a nice sudden burst of focussed IR should be able to blow the bulb.

And while you are at it, a nice focussed EMP device to kill the doof doof merchants.

All of a sudden, I feel positively middle-aged.

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Re: Is this a lost in translation

> And also I don't know how you fail for not speeding up at the end of a 30 zone, the limit is a limit, not a requirement!

However, you are also supposed to drive in a way that does not impede other road users. Which mean (usually) travelling at or near the limit.

So I guess that it would come under the heading of 'not driving appropriate to the road conditions'

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El Reg reforms the Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

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Happy

Re: Moral dilemma

> Am I allowed to take the cost at the bulk price I normally buy at

I don't see why not. Especially if you buy them at a proper Asian/Indian wholesaler and not the ripoff prices that the supermarkets sell at..

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Pint

Re: Any other 5 Eyes El Reg readers forming vulture teams?

> unable to afford 50 year old whisky..

You poor thing you, I feel your pain! I know, it's terrible having to subsist on fermented and distilled sprouting barley that's only been aged for (shudder) 21 years.

In other news, I've discovered that gin can make a respectably decent drink (neat naturally - none of yer poncy quinine-based tonics - unless you live in malaria alley of course).

Hic, haec, hoc!

(In my younger days I've been tempted to drink spirits in icon-sized glasses..)

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Scientists splice mammoth genes into unsuspecting elephant

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Go

Re: I'm thinking that a mammoth is itself

> you need smilodon to control the exploding mammoth population

And velociraptors to control the exploding smilodon population.

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BT set to undercut rivals with return to mobile biz

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Mushroom

Re: OMG

> I have major history with BT

Likewise. They are, however, better than the foetid devils toenail clippings that are Virgin Media or TalkTalk.

Only just mind, only just..

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

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Re: Ahh, the old days...

> All we had was a NAND gate made from twigs, and two delay lines made from old thermometers.

Or in my case - a shiny *new* 12/75 non-autodial modem. And my parents phone line :-) And the eternal optimism of a 13-year old..

And a selection of fidonet BBS systems that I could get to without incurring huge phone bills. Using my BBC Model B..

Ahh.. The old days were the oldest!

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NHS England has some sneaky plans for Care.data acceleration

launcap
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FAIL

Re: The price of failing to cooperate...

Which brings us on to the electronic prescriptions - the chemist where I pick up my diabetes medication recently informed me that they (and my GP) were going over to (exclusively) electronic prescriptions which may involve the chemist sharing my details and prescriptions with other companies in their group.

I objected.

They said "tough".

I objected

They said "tough - oh and if you want to carry on getting prescriptions from here there is no other option - you can't stay on the current system because we are no longer doing it"

Sadly, none of the chemists available within reach are going to be doing the old-style prescriptions either. So now I have a choice of:

1. Use electronic dispensing and allow my medical details to be shared with the group of companies

2. Don't get prescriptions.

It didn't help that all the people I spoke to, both in the GP and at the chemists, were utterly ignorant of both the DPA and the concept of data security.

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Home Office splashed £35m trying to escape e-Borders contract

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Trollface

“serious irregularities”

Mostly in large brown paper bags I suspect..

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Not in the Budget: Spooks beg UK.gov for £111m brown envelope

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Mushroom

Hmm..

Maybe the Laundry expenses have gone up a bit this year. Too much time spent checking new electronics for summoning grids.

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Google Glass DIED from TOO MUCH ATTENTION, Captain Moonshot admits

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Stop

Re: Captain of Moonshots?

> Is Google+ less picky?

Don't be silly - he works^w is employed at Google so (of course) their rules don't apply to him,

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Google adds evil-code scanning to Play Store

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Coat

Re: billions?

> I was one of the many who spent a billion last year...

He says, posting from his luxurious penthouse^W^W cardboard box.. :-)

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Respect mah privacy! EU delegation begs US to play nice with data

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Unhappy

Re: Lip service..

No - they might get a pat on the head and a 'good boy'.

And then a stick thrown for them to chase.

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Aged 18-24? Don't care about voting? Got a phone? Oh dear...

launcap
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FAIL

> Sadly, tabloid readers seem to dictate government :(

Ah - the old "don't want to see a headline in the Daily Fail" mantra. Used by timid, non-conviction politicians(1) everywhere who determine their policies according to what the latest opinion poll says and are more concerned with ensuring re-election rather than doing what they perceive to be right.

Can you spell "tyranny of the commons"?

(1) And even worse - career Civil servants trying to make sure that they don't do anything 'bold'..

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.Free domains at Amazon while Google says bye to .family

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Mothers day..

TAHH!

(Yet another Halmark Holiday - yes, yes, I know there is some antiquated Catholic celebration called Mothering Sunday but that has virtually nothing to do with Mothers Day other than having been co-opted in a vaguely amusing reverse of the traditional process of assimilation..)

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Data centre dangers: Killing a tree and exploding a UPS

launcap
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Many years ago..

I worked at a big company with several mainframes and a nice generator house very close by. They had regular generator tests and all was well.

Until one day when the mains power really did go down. The UPS's did their job, then the generators took over. For about 10 minutes. Then died. Cue much screaming and cursing as all the IBM mainframes went down hard..

Subsequent investigation revealed that the main fuel tank (under a car park) had had a leak for quite a while. There hadn't been a policy of testing the level of fuel (the fuel gauge measured how much fuel had been put into the tank, not how much was actually there) so no-one had actually checked.

Opps..

After that, there was a swift change in procedure. And a large fine paid for environmental cleanup as all the soil under the fuel tank was now absolutely soaked with diesel fuel..

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We're not sure what it is, but we like it: Lexus NX300h hybrid SUV

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Happy

Re: @Ivan Not sure what it is

> why some people prefer higher vehicles

And people like me do too - because the psoriatic arthritis makes it a real pain (literally!) to get in and out of a low-slung vehicle.

My FR-V is about as low as I can go (although - the occasional trip in my wifes Morris Minor isn't too bad).

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Yay! Wearables! It's the future! Uh-oh! I'm going to be sick

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Re: I've already got all of the monitoring of my body I need.

> In theory it is possible to measure pulse, blood pressure, blood

>oxygenation and temperature from the one earbud, or split the functions into a

>pair of buds.

If only it could check blood glucose too.. I'd actually pay good money for a blood glucose monitoring system that didn't involve sticking needles in various body parts on a regular basis :-(

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RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

launcap
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Unhappy

Re: Turtles all the way down

> Instead, it sidles up to you gently, purrs gently, and watches intently

Much like cats then. Pterry was (for all his faults) a man of impeccable taste in pets(1)

RIP.

(1) And indeed was the inspiration of the names of two of our furry overlords(2). One of whom (Kelda) has indeed lived up to her name.

(2) There is no (2).

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UK call centre linked to ‘millions’ of nuisance robo-calls raided by ICO

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Happy

@Lee D

>"Survey" - Nope.

My line on that is "how much are you going to pay me for my data?" (after all - if they derive value from it it's only fair to recompense me for my time).

That usually gets them to put the phone down quickly. Although one did try to argue that it's my duty to help them improve their service^W^W^Wmake them money..

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launcap
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Stop

Re: "four to six million recorded telephone calls a day"???

> Yes, but they call back a few days later without caller ID blocked.

Tried that. Just ended up getting a whole set of different robocalls that started "dear subscriber".. About 15/day at one point.

I'm not naturally a stabby person but those calls got me the closest I've been for a while.

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Augmented reality: Who needs immersive worlds when you've got it all?

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Re: It's all fun and games

>Until it sucks out your memories and injects them into your clone

I thought that The Computer was keeping all your clones up-to-date in realtime anyway?

The Computer is your Friend!

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Hold on to your hats, we're ready to talk turkey on cybersecurity law, say ministers

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Megaphone

Re: header picture..

... reminds me of my continual beef about films set in space - why the hell do all the spacesuits have lights in them directed at the wearers eyes?

I know the cinematic reason (we've paid a fortune the the actor involved so we damned well want them to get plenty of face-time) but really? Do they not care about reality in cinema?

Hang on, I think I've just answered my own question. Carry on, nothing to see..

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You're outta here! Baseball star strikes out sleazy trolls who targeted teen daughter

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Re: get yer pitchforks

> It's about time these asses were taught "don't be an ass".

In the old days of Usenet we had a persistent problem with idiots with the attitude of 'online doesn't matter - it isn't real life' and would say things that they would never, ever dare say face-to-face.

Outing them usually had the effect of teaching that, yes - speech is free. But not without consequences..

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Atomic keyring's eerie blue glow lights SPB lab

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Mushroom

Re: UV blue

Citizen,

Please report your clone to reprocessing for possession of knowledge above your security clearance grade (for surely you are merely Orange).

Remember: The computer is your friend!

(Ah - Paranoia. One of the few RPGs better(best!) played when not of entirely a sober nature..)

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El Reg chefs whip up Post-Pub Noshographic

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Re: Why not . . .

> Fill that little old electric slow-cooker

Stchop! Presupposes an element of thought!

Core-dump. Do not pass go. Do not collect ecologically-sound cooking method!

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

launcap
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FAIL

Never impute to malice..

.. what can easily explained by stupidity.

Let me explain the thought process:

Superfish contacts someone in the Lenovo marketing department with a wizard scheme for making them both money. They'll put a little bit of harmless software on the laptop that will watch people browsing and work out how to target adverts better. Superfish make money selling the software, Lenovo get a share of the extra ad revenue.

Nothing excites a marketing exec more than the prospect of extra money with zero effort so (with great aplomb and an infinite lack of technical knowledge) the deal is done.

Doubtless someone in the technical side of Lenovo protested that this was a very very very (repeat to the n+10 power) bad idea, but the siren call of free dosh drowned them out.

Fast forward and it all comes out: the software is neither harmless or safe (as well as being a blatant privacy violation) and you can hear the sound of butts being covered all the way up to the top. Doubtless, someone on the technical side will get slapped around for not preventing it (and the email archives will mysteriously get eaten by some advanced data-rot) and the head of marketing will have to curtail their next round of official bonuses (although the flow of small brown envelopes will continue).

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IT knowledge is as important as Maths, says UK.gov

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Re: It does seem rather wonderful

> Whereas IT skills covers everything from [long list that I agree with]

And (equally important) the ability to problem-solve rather than just regurgitate facts that you have memorised but don't understand..

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FAIL

Re: Any skills learnt

> John, most modern programmers couldn't tell you what a pointer is anyway

Let alone a core block or forward-chain reference on a 4K disk block! Essential skills (when doing assembler on an IBM mainframe..)

Yes - sarcasm. Because lots of languages don't use the specific technology that you are referring to. Just like they don't use Entry Control Blocks and core-store..

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> 'post-A level qual in IT'

Or even better, some real-world experience of IT.. And I don't mean "helping little Jonny join his new tablet to the home wifi"..

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SCREW YOU, BRITS: We're going through with UK independence ANYWAY – Scotland

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Happy

Re: The next step?

>You'll need to move Hadrian's wall a long way north

Make the bits between the Antonine Wall and Hadrians Wall their own country :-). The highlanders would be happy (would keep the lowland Scots out), the southern Sassenachs would be happy (gets rid of those damn Labour-loving northeners) and the only losers are...

Simples!

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