A few years back

I was demo'ing my newly installed media machine (running on older h/w) to a couple of friends to show off full screen films, but the little sod would not boot. After a few tries I'd had enough (a few beers helped) so I took a good run across the room and kicked it as hard as I could. Side caved in and it fell over. Righted it and it booted first time and never caused me another problem

Of course, I was in a heightened and slightly inebriated state at the time so it wasn't until the next morning I realised I'd taken my shoes off prior to the percussive maintenance. I swear I could hear it laughing as I hopped around with a broken toe

Anyone fancy starting a Kickstarter for a really big swatter?

That's the way

the bookie crumbles

"Once snuggly in place"

It likes to snuggle?

John Spartan

You have been fined one half credit for a violation of...

Wake me when the Android version is released

Maybe not quite worthy of the list but I think Airheads is a worthwhile honorary mention

It does feature a small cameo by Lemmy

I had to laugh when I clicked the bonus link and noticed the word 'Interesting' in the URL

Hmm, interesting. I can't help wondering what tactic is at play here: I hear so many teenagers (etc.) walking round with shite like this blasting out of a crappy little speaker to the annoyance of everyone else all the time. So, is this a tactic to confuse them into not answering their phones because they just assume they're being their normal, irritating selves?

'Is your phone ringing?'

'How do I tell?'

I think I may be missing this enzyme entirely

I especially like the way it takes about 10 minutes to update every time I use it

This may sound ridiculous, but

What about taking the batteries out?

PS/2 ports

for that truly retro feel

Doesn't bother me

I couldn't find a bank that accepts peanuts so I get paid directly

Malawi: Country with the quietest politicians

Well, they all talk out of their arses don't they?

Does this make Japan

a "no Fry zone"?

O2

I've just upgraded my phone with O2. Initially the sales bod said the handset would cost me £60, my tariff period would extend from 18 to 24 months and I would have to pay £45 instead of £35p/m for the same contract level. So I asked to be put through to retentions (also had to explain what 'retentions' meant) and managed to retain my £35p/m contract of 18 months *and* got the handset for free.

But it doesn't stop there, oh no. I ordered on Friday and received a text on Sunday saying my phone would be with me the next day. Some screen protectors turned up. Confused, I called O2 back and they told me the handset was out of stock for another 9 days. So I had me a bit of a rant and convinced them to save me a handset at the local store. That didn't go too well and the store offered me the same deal as was first offered. I went home and had to elevate to speak to a manager who got me the phone from the store and honoured the 'retention' contract

So on the plus side the managers are competent and the call centres were UK based

On the negative side I shouldn't have needed to jump through all those hoops

Anyway, I got my handset and now to take it back because the battery is goosed

Green

We had a PC in that was reported as non-functioning so we cracked it open. The insides were covered in a kind of green fungus and parts of the board had corroded quite heavily. Words can't describe the aroma emanating from this thing

Turns out the family dog had decided it was his territory and was routinely 'marking' it...

Pronunciation

Cracked us all up at school when our Welsh teacher informed us you can always identify a Welsh car because it has Cym on the back

What's worse?

A planet-busting missile or accidentally ending up on an alien equivalent of a friends page?

## Receiving: BEAM - OMG! Just had the biggest poo eva!

Battery life

What is it with battery life on phones over the past few years... I remember having an SE K750i that used to last more than 7 days with usage... It even got trodden on one New Year's Eve and soldiered on until not being able to read text messages rendered it useless

generally speaking, it's quite hard to get lost in a tunnel

I, sir, shall take that wager... I can get lost in a phone box

Already doing this

On my WinMo phone... Got a little app that turns it into a Wifi router... I've only used it once or twice but it's come in very handy when I'm at my parents and both my gf and I need internet access (GPRS is faster than my dad's broadband and he refuses to buy a wireless router just so I can have access the cheapskate ;) )

Having said that I can only use it in half hour blocks before the phone either needs resetting or the battery dies...