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* Posts by Jedit

875 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Apple accuses Samsung of abusing its 3G power

Jedit
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Joke

Re: I'm beginning to like the BOFH solution

Why settle for half measures? Let's round up everyone who bought a Samsung phone because it looked like an iPhone and shoot them. I think Samsung would settle for a 0.1% loss in future revenue to have the matter settled once and for all.

Then, in the interests of fairness, we can do the same thing to everyone who bought an iPhone because it looked like an iPhone. Apple have plenty of cash, they can stand to lose 75% of their customers.

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Amazon UK to offer collection service at corner shops

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FAIL

"DPD are one of the best couriers"

DPD are the worst courier. Sure, they tell you when they are going to arrive - but only to within a two hour window, so you still have to take a half-day off work to be there. That's assuming they actually show up, of course; I've had them deliver outside the window several times.

On top of which, if you miss the delivery their depots - or my local one, at least - are only open in normal business hours plus two hours on Saturday morning. My local depot is also out of the way on an industrial estate that isn't served by buses at the weekend, so as a non-driver I basically can't get a DPD parcel delivered to my home without burning leave - I have to get them sent to my office. The last time I did that, they claimed to have been by to deliver it when I know for a fact they hadn't. If they had, they would have noticed that the reception desk is manned full time and has CCTV and not tried to tell such an obvious lie.

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Apple axes loyal store staff in Essex, Milton Keynes

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Boffin

Do Apple Stores need permanent full time staff?

One would think they would only need a full complement of full time staff to cover launch day queues. A reduced number of staff could cover regular needs.

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Chinese man blows off hands, builds new pair

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Alien

"Wasn't there a Bond villain with attachments for that?"

in "Flesh Gordon Meets The Cosmic Cheerleaders", the evil Emperor Wang most specifically had an attachment for that. It wasn't very normal, though.

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Jedit
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Terminator

"Perhaps he's good at oral work..."

Apologies for injecting serious comment into this part of the discussion, but one of Britain's paralympic archers has no arms and shoots with his feet. I've also seen a video of another disabled archer performing bow maintenance with his teeth. People can be very ingenious when they have to be.

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Doctor Who Sonic Screwdriver Universal Remote Control review

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Alien

"trying to tutor family members in the ways of Sonic Screwdriver television control"

Somehow, I think the problem of of trying to explain the use of this device to friends, partners and children is unlikely to arise for anyone who would drop sixty notes on it.

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Asus Transformer Pad Infinity 64GB Android tablet review

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Headmaster

"at around 100 Quid more"

Actually it's £40 more. 64GB iPad is £559, 64GB Infinity is £599. So £40 for keyboard, battery dock and the capacity to boost it up to - what, 160GB of storage?

All that said, I do agree with you that pricing it above the iPad is not the best move.

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Saudi royals seek ban on .virgin, .sex, .catholic, .wtf and 159 MORE

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Mushroom

"Many societies ... consider homosexuality to be contrary to their culture [or] morality"

Well, that's funny - my society considers the oppression of women to be contrary to its culture and morality. It's a big world, and if you don't want to live in it then you don't have to. Just don't tell US how to live our lives.

I would also be looking askance at whichever member of that commission is automatically associating the word "baby" with pornography. I think it says a lot more about him than it does about "the decadent West".

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Blinkbox to sell Game of Thrones series 2 by stream

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Headmaster

Re: Looks like HBO didn't learn their lesson from Season One

Do you think HBO's accountants are stupid? If there was more money to be made from releasing box sets immediately after airing the show than from selling the show to client broadcasters in other territories, then that is what HBO would do. Since there isn't, they do not.

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Oooh-la-la! 'iPhone 5' bares all, strokes tiny nano-SIM in pics

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FAIL

"Can you jailbreak an iphone with a pair of scissors?"

No, but you can jailbreak it with the appropriate tool then put in a cut-down SIM from a network that is not an Apple client. My apologies if this blatantly obvious process was not explained in sufficiently blinding detail.

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Headmaster

"Makes perfect sense in an Apple-world I'm sure."

Of course it does. You can make a micro-SIM by cutting down a regular SIM. This allows people to jailbreak iPhones and use them with networks who aren't paying Apple for the privilege of being able to flog their products. If you can't make a nano-SIM in the same way, then suddenly all those networks are cut off from upgrading Apple customers unless they start buying in nano-SIMs that are only used in a phone sold by their rivals but not by them. Exclusivity of iPhones is thus enhanced.

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Snap suggests Apple out to 'screw' hardware hackers

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Joke

"£17 is considerably less than £61"

You're just jealous because he can afford a genuine Apple repair while you have to make do with a cheap one that isn't half so stylish and was only copying Apple anyway.

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Samsung lengthens Note phone-cum-tablet to 10 inches

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Pint

This has its ups and downs

On the one hand, you'd probably feel pretty silly holding a full-sized tablet to your head to make a phone call. On the other, you now have a large plastic rectangle covering your face so nobody will know who you are.

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Anonymous hunts down Voldemort for hacking hungry kids' charity

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Stop

"deciding who gets to be anonymous"

They don't. Anyone can claim to be Anonymous, and frequently does. The idiot who hacked the website didn't understand this, and so hacked the website to try and "get an in". This caused another group of Anonymous to expose him because he was making them all look bad by associating himself with them.

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Apple demands Samsung flogged for 'unethical' court doc leak

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FAIL

"All of us here and certainly not you, respectively."

So we're all children? I beg to differ.

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Humax YouView DTR-T1000 IPTV Freeview PVR review

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Headmaster

"exceeds the price of a decent Freesat HD recorder "

Freesat requires the installation of a dish, which costs money on top of the recorder. On top of which, not everyone can install a Freesat dish - a lot of renters, for example, and people who live in listed buildings. I shan't comment on the functionality, but the cash is less of an issue than you make out.

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Smutty books strip Harry Potter of Amazon crown

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Trollface

Oh, the humanity!

Stephenie Meyer must be squirming. She's just become the first bestselling author in history to be outsold by her own fanfic.

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The Dragon 32 is 30

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Boffin

Any port in a storm?

I find it interesting that the Dragon 32 used the C64's 9-pin joystick connector for its power supply, and 6-pin circular connectors like those of the C64's PSU for its joysticks.

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More reports that Apple plans iPhone 5 September surprise

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Angel

"I can just feel the heat of your jealousy at seeing others with an iPad"

No, that's just your iPad battery overheating.

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Jackson’s Hobbit becomes a trilogy

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Holmes

"You saying you don't think it's a bad word?...."

Whether he is or not, he's right. Bowdlerising history in the name of political correctness is both obscene and stupid. Those who do not recall history are condemned to repeat it.

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Twitter airport bomb joke conviction binned in common-sense WIN

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"I would suggest you try to avoid the same mistake."

The difference between "not funny" and criminal? I can tell what that is. "Not funny" is joking about blowing up an airport. "Criminal" is mocking and deriding a disabled child because of their disability, then doing it again when people dare to complain about it.

I appreciate that you're trying to be fair and don't want speech to be unduly restricted - in fact I agree with you wholeheartedly on that - but there are still things that cannot and should not be condoned. Boyle does them.

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Re: Frankie Boyle...

A great victory for comedy would be Frankie Boyle being jailed for hate speech after his comments on the disabled. He's not funny, he's a mean-minded and nasty man who attacks literally anyone who can't fight back.

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BOFH: Shove your project managementry up your mailbox!

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Devil

Re: "Simon"?

Indeed, and at one point he had a junior assistant whose initials were PFY.

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Jedit
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Big Brother

"Simon"?

C'mon, we all know it's Charlie Stross under a pen name. We have the evidence.

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Apple CEO: Frothing fanboi iPhone 5 hype screwed our sales

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Stop

"You're saying Apple quickly responded to an serious problem and that's a bad thing?"

No, he's deriding Metavisor's claim that Apple don't release software until the serious problems are all fixed. There obviously was some kind of serious problem in iOS 5.0 because as you say, Apple responded to it, so that claim is easily falsified.

By the way, one of the big selling points of Android devices over iOS is that if you don't like your version of the OS, you can install a different one without voiding your warranty. If you don't want to go into such technical depth then that's OK - I haven't done it myself - but the option is there if you want it.

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Spy Hunter

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Headmaster

Re: which was the first?

River Raid predated Spy Hunter, and both were preceded by Exidy's Death Race - though that wasn't strictly the same game.

The best Spy Hunter clone I encountered was a C64 game called Burnin' Rubber (not to be confused with the 1990 OutRun clone of the same name). It basically took the same style of game but swapped the theme for Death Race 2000.

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Blizzard faces court battle for 'misleading Diablo III fans'

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FAIL

"Do you expect blizzard to manufacture TWO ENTIRE VERSIONS of the game"

Nope. I just expect to be able to play by myself offline, or online with other players. You know, like in Diablo II. And Diablo. And Starcraft. And virtually every game with online multiplayer that has ever been published.

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Brooks, Coulson to be CHARGED over phone-hacking

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FAIL

Re: Stop Press - Reg headline to CONTAIN random capitalized WORDS for no GOOD reason

There was plenty of reason for capitalisation, and the word so altered wasn't random. El Reg has run a number of stories about Brooks, Coulson et al testifying about phone hacking. Emphasising that they are now being charged rather than this being a continuation of the Leveson Inquiry lets the reader know that this is a new story rather than a recycling of old news. And as Reg headlines are already enlarged and emboldened and do not contain italics or underlining, the only tool they have for emphasis is capitalisation.

But thanks for demonstrating your profound ignorance of journalistic techniques, sentence construction and the story in question with a single dismissive statement.

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Samsung flogs 10 million Galaxy S IIIs in 7 weeks

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Coat

"Universally agreed to be shite, and in desperate need of a complete rewrite"

Well, a website app can only ever be as good as the content...

(Sorry, Vulture hacks, but that one was just too good to pass up. IGMC)

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LG readies bonkers big telly for sale

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FAIL

"RTFA"

He didn't even need to be able to read. The placard across the top of the TV that has a huge and obvious "3D" logo on it.

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Gambling site's 'no strings attached' offer had strings attached

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Trollface

Re: I'm confused!

It should be mentioned that the total accumulates. If you win with your single free £10 bet, you can place bets wherever you like with the proceeds. So, start placing bets on both sides of wagers with only two possible results. This will lead to a slow decline, but it only has to be done once or twice to get up to a total of £30 in wagers placed. Once you've done that, make your balance back up to £30 then withdraw the lot.

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Google Nexus 7 Android tablet

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Meh

"the Nexus survived 32cm fall onto a wooden floor"

The reviewer's table is only 13 inches tall?

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Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Haggis pakora v huevos rancheros

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Pint

""Premium haggis in a tin" seems like the very definition of an oxymoron."

Whut wid ye ken aboot it, ye Southron jessie? Ye widnae last five seconds in the Highlands. Ye'd be found deid, yir heart stopped and yir hair turned white as snow, after ye hear the terrifyin' wail of the haggis as it skirls across the moors!

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'Maybe we'll just call them 'Surface-like devices'

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Pirate

Re: I misread it again

Boson! Make this scurvy swab walk the plank!

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Trekkie pays £45,000 for rusty shuttle

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Holmes

"They already do that"

Allow me to clarify. I know that fakes are already displayed in some museums and cities, for the purpose of preserving the original. However, the museums and cities in question do have the original. What the AC is advocating is making fake exhibits *instead* of acquiring originals, because "it's cheaper and it's just the same, innit?"

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FAIL

"Would be cheaper to make a replica from new."

Hey, what a great idea! Museums don't need to display actual historical objects - they can just make fakes and display those instead, because it's so much cheaper! While they're at it, they can pull down that tatty old Sphinx and put up a new one with a nose. Provenance? Who gives a damn?

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BOFH: The back-up backdown smackdown

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Boffin

"attempting the same solutions as the BOFH would most likely result in a P45 "

A good BOFH makes himself indispensable to the running of the system. Then, not only can management not fire you no matter what you do, they spend every day praying to the deity of choice for your long life and continued good health.

Just don't teach your subordinates too much before your retirement date is confirmed. They may try for promotion the old fashioned way.

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Samsung fails to stall Galaxy Nexus sales ban

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Flame

"I could not think of a better advertisement"

A better advertisement it may be, Tanya, but that is of no use whatsoever when you cannot legally sell the product being advertised. It doesn't matter if everyone knows Apple are crooked, if they're the only game in town.

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Full Tilt Poker boss arrested over $430m 'Ponzi scheme'

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Headmaster

"You'll be claiming that they don't ban big winners next"

Casinos ban people who win big - and regularly - at games played against the house because the odds in such games are loaded in favour of the house. Anyone who wins them regularly is probably shaving the odds somehow, the most common method being card counting in blackjack.

However, casinos never ban people who win big at poker because it's not their money being won, and because having a famous poker player at your tables attracts gamblers through the door. Moreover, casinos make their money from poker through the rake, which is basically a small percentage tax on each hand. The bigger the hands, the bigger the rake - so keeping those big winners who play high stakes poker at the table is more profitable.

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Samsung asks for US Galaxy Nexus ban to be lifted pending appeal

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Flame

Re: Outstripped?

It means that by the time it is legal to sell the Nexus in the US, it will no longer be a competitor to the iPhone. In other words, Apple have managed to completely eliminate a rival product from the market without any need to prove that it was in reality infringing their patents, and in the worst case scenario will have to pay Samsung less than $100m compensation for the loss of perhaps $400m in raw sales plus loss of market share, visibility and reputation. The bond should have been $1 billion; if it had been, you can bet Apple would have withdrawn either the suit or the request for an injunction on sales.

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Ministers consult public on 'opt in for smut' plans

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"Opt in for smut" is already here

I already have an "opt in for smut" function built into my browser. If I do not want to view smut on the internet, all I have to do is not click on smut links.

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Nigerian scams are hyper-efficient idiot finders

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Trollface

"They should replace 'Nigeria' with 'Cupertino' to see their revenues shoot up"

Not really accurate. Yes, if you respond to Apple advertising you are likely to get fleeced of all your money by a gang of international criminals. However, unlike with Nigerian scams you do at least get the iProduct you paid for, and Apple are patent trolls rather than thieves and fraudsters (YMMV).

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LCD TV shipments slip for FIRST TIME EVER

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FAIL

"Sorry, but how much 4:3 content is there, these days?"

Erm ... almost every TV show released before 1993?

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Speedball 2 Brutal Deluxe

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Terminator

Rollerball

It's worth noting that there was an unlicensed rollerball game for the Amiga, called Killerball. It didn't have the bikers or catchers, but the style was intact and it was quite a fun game.

As for rollerball itself, there has been a full game played. The stunt team on the original movie thought they'd give it a go before the sets were dismantled, and by all accounts had a high old time.

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Ludicrously lucky teen survives spear through brain

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Not the Nine O'Clock News

Yeah, I came in to crack that joke, modifying the distance to three feet.

The original was about Idi Amin surviving an assassination attempt, by the way.

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Songkick Concerts

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A Thea Gilmore fan?

Bonus points awarded for this article, then.

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Gov mulls ban on wallet-draining charges for card payments

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Holmes

"It basically takes away all Paypals profits."

Don't worry, PayPal will still be able to lock people's accounts without reason and keep all the money. That's most of their profit margin preserved.

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R18+ games still not over the line in Oz

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Headmaster

"Why exactly is Christian Democratic an oxymoron?"

Because Christianity is submitting to God's rule, whereas democracy is rule by Man.

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Retina Display detachment

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Megaphone

No NSFW tag?

Because the gigantic picture of Virtual Valerie warrants one, IMHO.

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'Google released a dairy product'. What, it's cheesy?

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Re: Just to point out ...your blatant false comparison

When Amazon pulled 1984 from people's Kindles, it was because the seller those people had bought it from had no legal right to sell it. That essentially made it confiscation of stolen goods and/or destruction of illegally produced copies of copyrighted material. VLC was never illegally sold on the App Store, Apple just decided they didn't want people to be able to buy it any more - probably because they released their own app that does the same thing.

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