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* Posts by Jedit

796 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

LG readies bonkers big telly for sale

Jedit
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FAIL

"RTFA"

He didn't even need to be able to read. The placard across the top of the TV that has a huge and obvious "3D" logo on it.

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Gambling site's 'no strings attached' offer had strings attached

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Trollface

Re: I'm confused!

It should be mentioned that the total accumulates. If you win with your single free £10 bet, you can place bets wherever you like with the proceeds. So, start placing bets on both sides of wagers with only two possible results. This will lead to a slow decline, but it only has to be done once or twice to get up to a total of £30 in wagers placed. Once you've done that, make your balance back up to £30 then withdraw the lot.

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Google Nexus 7 Android tablet

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Meh

"the Nexus survived 32cm fall onto a wooden floor"

The reviewer's table is only 13 inches tall?

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Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Haggis pakora v huevos rancheros

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Pint

""Premium haggis in a tin" seems like the very definition of an oxymoron."

Whut wid ye ken aboot it, ye Southron jessie? Ye widnae last five seconds in the Highlands. Ye'd be found deid, yir heart stopped and yir hair turned white as snow, after ye hear the terrifyin' wail of the haggis as it skirls across the moors!

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'Maybe we'll just call them 'Surface-like devices'

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Pirate

Re: I misread it again

Boson! Make this scurvy swab walk the plank!

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Trekkie pays £45,000 for rusty shuttle

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Holmes

"They already do that"

Allow me to clarify. I know that fakes are already displayed in some museums and cities, for the purpose of preserving the original. However, the museums and cities in question do have the original. What the AC is advocating is making fake exhibits *instead* of acquiring originals, because "it's cheaper and it's just the same, innit?"

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Jedit
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"Would be cheaper to make a replica from new."

Hey, what a great idea! Museums don't need to display actual historical objects - they can just make fakes and display those instead, because it's so much cheaper! While they're at it, they can pull down that tatty old Sphinx and put up a new one with a nose. Provenance? Who gives a damn?

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BOFH: The back-up backdown smackdown

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Boffin

"attempting the same solutions as the BOFH would most likely result in a P45 "

A good BOFH makes himself indispensable to the running of the system. Then, not only can management not fire you no matter what you do, they spend every day praying to the deity of choice for your long life and continued good health.

Just don't teach your subordinates too much before your retirement date is confirmed. They may try for promotion the old fashioned way.

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Samsung fails to stall Galaxy Nexus sales ban

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Flame

"I could not think of a better advertisement"

A better advertisement it may be, Tanya, but that is of no use whatsoever when you cannot legally sell the product being advertised. It doesn't matter if everyone knows Apple are crooked, if they're the only game in town.

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Full Tilt Poker boss arrested over $430m 'Ponzi scheme'

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Headmaster

"You'll be claiming that they don't ban big winners next"

Casinos ban people who win big - and regularly - at games played against the house because the odds in such games are loaded in favour of the house. Anyone who wins them regularly is probably shaving the odds somehow, the most common method being card counting in blackjack.

However, casinos never ban people who win big at poker because it's not their money being won, and because having a famous poker player at your tables attracts gamblers through the door. Moreover, casinos make their money from poker through the rake, which is basically a small percentage tax on each hand. The bigger the hands, the bigger the rake - so keeping those big winners who play high stakes poker at the table is more profitable.

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Samsung asks for US Galaxy Nexus ban to be lifted pending appeal

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Re: Outstripped?

It means that by the time it is legal to sell the Nexus in the US, it will no longer be a competitor to the iPhone. In other words, Apple have managed to completely eliminate a rival product from the market without any need to prove that it was in reality infringing their patents, and in the worst case scenario will have to pay Samsung less than $100m compensation for the loss of perhaps $400m in raw sales plus loss of market share, visibility and reputation. The bond should have been $1 billion; if it had been, you can bet Apple would have withdrawn either the suit or the request for an injunction on sales.

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Ministers consult public on 'opt in for smut' plans

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"Opt in for smut" is already here

I already have an "opt in for smut" function built into my browser. If I do not want to view smut on the internet, all I have to do is not click on smut links.

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Nigerian scams are hyper-efficient idiot finders

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Trollface

"They should replace 'Nigeria' with 'Cupertino' to see their revenues shoot up"

Not really accurate. Yes, if you respond to Apple advertising you are likely to get fleeced of all your money by a gang of international criminals. However, unlike with Nigerian scams you do at least get the iProduct you paid for, and Apple are patent trolls rather than thieves and fraudsters (YMMV).

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LCD TV shipments slip for FIRST TIME EVER

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FAIL

"Sorry, but how much 4:3 content is there, these days?"

Erm ... almost every TV show released before 1993?

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Speedball 2 Brutal Deluxe

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Terminator

Rollerball

It's worth noting that there was an unlicensed rollerball game for the Amiga, called Killerball. It didn't have the bikers or catchers, but the style was intact and it was quite a fun game.

As for rollerball itself, there has been a full game played. The stunt team on the original movie thought they'd give it a go before the sets were dismantled, and by all accounts had a high old time.

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Ludicrously lucky teen survives spear through brain

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Not the Nine O'Clock News

Yeah, I came in to crack that joke, modifying the distance to three feet.

The original was about Idi Amin surviving an assassination attempt, by the way.

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Songkick Concerts

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A Thea Gilmore fan?

Bonus points awarded for this article, then.

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Gov mulls ban on wallet-draining charges for card payments

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Holmes

"It basically takes away all Paypals profits."

Don't worry, PayPal will still be able to lock people's accounts without reason and keep all the money. That's most of their profit margin preserved.

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R18+ games still not over the line in Oz

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Headmaster

"Why exactly is Christian Democratic an oxymoron?"

Because Christianity is submitting to God's rule, whereas democracy is rule by Man.

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Retina Display detachment

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Megaphone

No NSFW tag?

Because the gigantic picture of Virtual Valerie warrants one, IMHO.

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'Google released a dairy product'. What, it's cheesy?

Jedit
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Re: Just to point out ...your blatant false comparison

When Amazon pulled 1984 from people's Kindles, it was because the seller those people had bought it from had no legal right to sell it. That essentially made it confiscation of stolen goods and/or destruction of illegally produced copies of copyrighted material. VLC was never illegally sold on the App Store, Apple just decided they didn't want people to be able to buy it any more - probably because they released their own app that does the same thing.

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Apple adds gay and lesbian icons to iOS 6 messaging

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Angel

"Have to say I can't wait until part 2."

Yes, perhaps part 2 will explain how Apple got all of that into one icon.

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Another investor pulls out of Habbo Hotel after grooming claims

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Black Helicopters

"Does the name "Sean Connery" mean anything to you?"

No, but the name Jamesh Bond does!

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"Its spelt surely not shurely."

Unless you are riffing on Private Eye, where "shurely some mistake?" is one of their catchphrases.

By the way, thanks for remembering to include the ironic spelling mistake that is obligatory in any grammar-Nazism post. (It's spelt "it's", not "its".

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E3 2012: Prepare to have your buttons pushed

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FAIL

"where are all the games for the PS VITA?"

Listed at the bottom of page 2, as you'd know if you'd read the article before loading up Instant Gratification (6-Year-Old Edition).

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AMD and Nvidia extreme GPUs workout

Jedit
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"If all you do is pew pew pew on your screen, your budget thing is OK."

Yes, and as this is a discussion of high-end cards for gaming then "the budget thing" is a perfectly valid subject of comparison. Nobody's denying that top quality CAD/art monitors are better and necessarily cost more than a low priced gaming monitor, but your design work is wholly irrelevant to the discussion in hand and bringing it up only makes you look like a snob.

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Jedit
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Stop

"£600 for a 2560x1440 monitor"

You're talking rubbish if you think a 2560x1440 monitor will cost £600. Yes, you will pay through the eyes for a Dell, but I have a perfectly acceptable Hazro 27" plugged into my PC running at 2560x1440 that cost me under £300 brand new.

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Samsung 'to launch Galaxy S III in US', snubs Apple's ban bid

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Devil

"or get delayed long enough for Apple to copy its innovations"

... then claim they did it first and file a patent infringement suit.

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Watchdog relieves iPhone 5 scammers of £10k

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"I read it as £10k fine + full refunds"

Full refunds to anyone who complains. Anyone who doesn't go through the complaints process will not get a refund - which many won't, as these things can be somewhat tortuous and not worth the effort for the sake of £2.

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Marathon

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FAIL

"Alien Breed? That was a top-down down shooter."

Very good, Sparky. Alien Breed 3D, on the other hand, was not.

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Flying Dutchman creates dead cat quadcopter

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Headmaster

Aerodynamic properties: dead vs live cat?

I don't know whether a live cat would be less or more aerodynamic than a dead one, but at least there should be no difficulties in landing it safely.

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UK music-rights collection: Where does all the money go?

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FAIL

"And what have you composed that I have heard?"

If he can't use an alias on the internet without risking discovery, why do you think he can name specific works he has composed that will identify exactly who he is to anyone reading?

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Firm applies for .sucks domain

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Pirate

".wtf would be more like it!"

Sorry, but as a Game of Thrones fan I have already claimed .wtf as the designator for websites hosted in Winterfell and the North. You can have one if you like ... but pay the gold price, not the iron price.

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Sony PlayStation 4 will not be download only

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Coat

Re: lol ..

When Freddie Starr was done, there was no F in hamster either.

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Galaxy S III pay-monthly tariffs compared

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No, you don't HAVE to get the Android

But as the Galaxy S2 was more of a phone than the iPhone 4S and the S3 is better than the S2 in every way, I think that if I were faced with a choice between an iPhone and an S3, I would go for the massively superior product at the same price.

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Samsung Galaxy S III

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FAIL

"Samsung is on attempt number 6 and they still failed"

Exactly. Samsung have put out their third revision of the most popular smartphone on the market and are still somehow failing - I say "somehow" because I don't know how they are failing. So they should switch to Windows Phone, which is now on attempt number 7 and still most definitely failing to acquire a market share.

Troll Score: 0/10. Or should that be 0 out of 7?

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Samsung snafu grounds blue Galaxy S III

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Paris Hilton

"... nobody at the factory considered a 12" phone unusual"

Do I not recall Samsung releasing one of their early tablets with a phone built into it?

(Paris ... though admittedly, more because of the question mark than the unusual 12 inches.)

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Diablo III dev rolls 12d6, scores PC sales record

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FAIL

"why do people fall for this DRM infected crap "

Do you even know what DRM is? Diablo III is an online game, of course you can't play it without an internet connection or when the servers are down. I personally wish it didn't require online play, before you reach for the downvote button, but the "DRM servers" you're ranting about don't exist.

Oh, and while you're failing so hard: being banned from the Blizzard forums does not prevent you playing their games. That's EA/Origin.

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The most dangerous job in America: Keeping iPhones connected

Jedit
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Joke

Re: "iPhones cause herpes!"

Ridiculous unsubstantiated claims of that ilk are precisely the kind of shoddy, prejudiced alarmist reporting that gives The Register a bad name. Everyone knows you can't get herpes from an iPhone. It's syphilis.

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Diablo III

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"... it was only on Tuesday that I had issues"

Exactly. The login issues only existed on Tuesday, as Lucy Orr would know had she not - as usual - written her review based on a single gameplay session. The fix was deployed within 24 hours of launch.

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Crooks sell skint fanbois potatoes instead of iPhones

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Mushroom

"Why is it an offence to separate a fool and his money?"

Yeah - and while we're at it, why is it a crime to steal a car if it's left unlocked, or to burgle someone's house if they leave a window open when they go on holiday?

Scammers and thieves don't stop being criminals just because the mark is a fool.

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Scammers exploit wannabe demon-slayers hyped by Diablo III

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FAIL

"Blizzard might go tits up!"

Blizzard earn a billion dollars a year from World of Warcraft subscriptions. They have already sold ten million copies of Diablo III from pre-orders. They're going nowhere.

Also, they were bought by Activision before they became so huge.

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Apple orders 10in iPad, moles claim implausibly

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Happy

Re: "Apple, who make Macs"

Does that mean the 17" MacBook Pro is a Big Mac?

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Head over Heels

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Headmaster

"We meet at last"

Nice Star Wars quote, but that's a screenshot from the very start of the game. Head and Heels start in adjacent rooms; Head can enter Heels's starting room, but they're separated by an impassable wall. It's pretty mental when they do meet up, but there's only a short period when they have to combine.

Fantastic game, though. Verily, they maketh them not like they used to.

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Britain prepares for government by iPad

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Stop

Re: @Jedit - "Why can't they buy their own?"

The system already allows for BYOD. I'm a government employee, and at work I use a 23" widescreen monitor that I supplied myself. The sticking point is that if it breaks, my employer has to replace it with another 23".

In and of itself BYOD is a great idea, and in smaller businesses it works a treat. However, when you're dealing with hundreds or thousands of employees the effort required to get so many different devices talking to each other is not cost effective. You're also faced with the issue of what to do when someone's personal property breaks in the course of doing their job; they have every right to claim a replacement from their employer, and the employer loses all savings from central procurement contracts because they can't establish a standard device to buy in bulk. It's easier and cheaper just to give everyone the same.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"Why can't they buy their own?"

Because of government procurement regulations. You need special permission to use your own equipment at work - doubly so if it's something unusual - because if it breaks the government have to replace it like for like.

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GCSE, A-level science exams ARE dumbed down - watchdog

Jedit
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FAIL

Re: 2/3rd marks

Seems like you took your Maths exam in recent years. According to the original poster a score of roughly 66% was two marks *above* the boundary for A*. So where 20 years ago you needed 70% just for an A, you now get the grade above A for between 60 and 65%. That's not consistent at all.

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Textgram

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Devil

"No reason other than aesthetic."

The only reason I can think of to use this app certainly ends in "thetic", but it doesn't start with "aes".

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Moore's Law has ten years to run, predicts physicist

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Headmaster

"The Stone Age didn't end because the stone ran out"

Well, obviously - if it had, we wouldn't have been able to have a Silicon Age.

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iTunes fanbois outraged by Apple's sex-life quiz probe

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FAIL

"I literally cannot choose from the 2nd set of questions, none of them apply"

Fascinating. For none of the second set of questions to apply, you would have to have had no friends as a child and never have had a job or gone to school. While I can see someone buying into Apple because they have no mates and are desperately seeking approval, surely it's unlikely that the others don't apply?

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