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* Posts by Jedit

831 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

Jedit
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Joke

"What they need really need is to rehash/warm-over existing tech"

Aren't Samsung in enough trouble already from violating Apple's patents?

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What happened to comics for kids? Hell, what happened to COMICS?

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FAIL

"No mention of Hellblazer or Sandman?"

This is an article about comics for kids. I don't think two books that feature body horror, full frontal nudity and multiple rapes qualify somehow.

(And before you mention Watchmen and TDKR - they were mentioned only in the context of how they made it so comics weren't for kids any more.)

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Go

"Halo Jones probably needs the same thing."

If you want the whole run, The Ballad of Halo Jones is available as a single volume containing all three books.

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Headmaster

"Never did find out how that finished..."

After the end of the Great War stories there was a second run in which a 40-year-old Charley volunteers for re-enlistment in World War II. It was planned to carry on deeper into the war, but sadly Joe Colquhoun's health began to fail to the point where he couldn't keep up with the art and it was felt that nobody could replace him. As a result, the story was wrapped up when Charley is wounded in the retreat from Dunkirk and leaves the forces. The last episode ends with him starting to tell the story of his service in the First World War, after which Battle began reprinting the stories from the beginning.

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BOFH: Can't you just ... NO, I JUST CAN'T

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Boffin

Oops!

Charlie^W Simon forgot to tell a joke!

Of course, as a former IT bod I've had the reverse of this conversation many times. If you think lusers asking for things they can't have because they don't understand how complicated it is is infuriating, try talking to support staff who don't let you have things you genuinely need because they think it's far more complicated than it really is. There's a Japanese proverb: "A strategy not fully developed is the cause of grief". It's never been truer than when dealing with incompletely trained IT drones.

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UK iPad Mini FRENZY: Queues stretch SEVERAL FEET from till

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IT Angle

"Now you are slating them because there isnt a big queue"

When there are no queues for an Apple launch, it is not because Apple have stopped marketing massively overpriced, overhyped tat to fashion victims. It is because their naked greed has risen to the point that their customer base can no longer afford to buy all the tat - that, and the tat is so much tattier that even fashion victims won't buy it.

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Petition for Alan Turing on £10 note breaks 20,000 signatures

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Headmaster

"What about Montgomery ?"

What about Montgomery? My grandfather was in Africa during World War II where he served in the First Army, and it always annoyed him that people think Montgomery and the 8th Army were the only ones there. If you want to put anyone on a bank note for the Tunisian Campaign make it General Sir Harold Alexander, who commanded it.

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Mysterious galactic glow caused by Hitchhikers' Krikkit style stars

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Headmaster

Re: Come back Douglas

"The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of zombies..."

Also, as any fule kno Krikkit is not a H2G2 reference - it's a Doctor Who reference. Adams originally wrote the story for Who, later recycling it for H2G2 with Slartibartfast as the Doctor and the Starship Bistromath in place of the TARDIS. This is why the Wikkit Key plot bears a suspicious resemblance to the Key to Time arc of Who.

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iPad Mini vs Nexus 7: inch makes all the difference, says Apple CEO

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Devil

"that extra inch means you can hold the thing comfortably in one hand!"

And also counterbalances the inch that is lacking from the thing you're holding in the other!

(I'd get my coat, but apparently you're not allowed to wear one while being evil.)

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Publicity Stunt of the Week: Ten bizarre phone insurance claims

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Joke

"For "thing on a car roof" nothing beats a mate of mine"

He couldn't have been a very good mate if you left him on your car roof.

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Apple unveils iPad mini, upgrades its big brother

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"Spare a thought for those who invested in an iPad 3"

Yes, think on how they'll be able to use all existing peripherals while people who buy an iPad 4 or Mini will have to replace theirs.

The manufacturers of iCade must be spitting teeth; their device is now obsolete, and due to its nature (it's an arcade-style case with joystick) you can't use an adaptor with it.

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Amazon accused of remotely wiping punter's Kindle

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Stop

"my address was not suitable for Amazon Prime Delivery"

Your Amazon default address and your Prime delivery addresses are separate values. If you changed one without changing the other then this will cause problems.

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BBC pulls plug Ceefax ahead of analogue TV's end tonight

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Headmaster

Fear not

I'm given to understand that Finland still uses teletext, so it's not gone forever. You'll just have to move to Finland. And learn to read Finnish.

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Apple iPod Touch 5G review

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FAIL

"Recess the lens please!"

How exactly do you think they can recess a camera lens in a device less than a quarter of an inch thick?

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Craig, Connery or ... Dalton? Vote now for the ultimate James Bond

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"I'm not sure Quantum is the worst, did you see "View to a kill"? "

In the cinema when it first came out, as I have with every Bond movie since Octopussy. Say what you like about Moore being too old - he certainly was in VTAK - but however silly his movies got they still had a leavening of good nature that kept them watchable. QoS was po-faced and humourless, with Bond driven by revenge for a woman he had used and callously thrown away in the book of Casino Royale and who we'd been given no reason to like in the movie based on it.

In fact, it boggles me why people like Craig as Bond at all. Brosnan's later movies were just as silly as Moore's were, and Craig's are no darker than Dalton's. But Dalton was slated for being too dark and "not what we want from Bond", while Craig is treated like the Second Coming of Sean Connery.

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Stop

"Dalton was given crap films so I can't vote for him"

And yet you're willing to put Craig second, even though Quorum of Bollocks is the worst Bond movie and he's only made one other (see: Lazenby)?

I'll be voting for Dalton as soon as I get to a computer where the poll works because he was closest to the character as written. It's close with Connery, though, as Fleming approved of his portrayal.

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Ancient 16m-yr-old beastie caught riding on much bigger flying mount

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Coat

"Next time just don't stop to pick up a hitch-hiker!"

Don't be silly, springtails don't hitch-hike. They don't have thumbs.

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BOFH: Uninterruptible patsy supply

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Black Helicopters

"Do people still bother reading jakes comments?"

Not really, and I don't bother downvoting them either. I'm of the belief that he does it deliberately in an attempt to get as many negs (read: "as much attention") as possible. Being the most unpopular person on a message board still makes you the most of something, after all. Far be it from me to help stroke his ego.

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Theresa May gets a smile out of Gary McKinnon at last

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Headmaster

"If only we were a sovereign nation capable of making our own decisions...."

We are and we can. But when we decide to make a treaty like this one with another nation, however foolish that decision may be we must abide by it. Thankfully there exist checks and balances to ensure we can't be sold completely down the river by those decisions.

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Valve's Half-Life

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Boffin

"I'm not exactly sure why this game is in "Antique Code Show""

Because it's old now? Still being a playable game is meaningless - I've been playing Paradroid since 1985 and Wizball since 1987 and they're as good as they ever were. The great games are timeless.

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Game over for legendary 1980s games designer Mike Singleton

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Unhappy

Doomdark's Revenge

"Doom" - check. "Dark" - check. As for revenge, I guess God was jealous that Singleton was better at worldbuilding and making sandbox games.

I think I'll dig out the old Retro Gamer issues with long, in-depth articles and interviews with Mike about Lords of Midnight. There was some good stuff on his plans for the never-completed final game in the Midnight Trilogy.

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Inside the mind of a Bond supervillain: Psychotic, autistic - or neither?

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Alert

"TvTrope may cause serious perturbation in your time perception"

Also, for the love of God don't venture into the forums. If you do, your time perception won't be the only thing that is perturbed.

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Yale finds second diamond planet

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Mushroom

"I think it'll make a lovely ring for my wife"

Just how big is your wife? And just how long do you think you'll stay married after she sees that comment?

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Gavel fails to fall for Apple 1

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FAIL

"Apple finally find a product they can't sell to fanbois"

Well, obviously fanbois wouldn't buy it - fanbois only want the latest Apple products.

I'm not surprised it didn't reach the reserve, though; even as a piece of computing history an Apple 1 is nothing special compared to something like a Commodore 65 prototype.

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O2 flogs logs of mobe locations to anyone with a wallet

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Big Brother

"one persons data could be worth as much as $1,000 per year"

Sold to multiple clients, obviously. I sure as hell don't spend $1000 a year in on-spec purchases, though, so anyone purchasing my data is gambling on bad odds even if they only paid $50.

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Fossil reveals spider in mid-strike

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Pint

"It always makes me wonder just how they get caught in it"

I blame Walter Bishop.

(Beer icon, because Fosters always claimed it was "the amber nectar".)

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Thank Freeview for UK 4G by mid-2013 - NOT the iPhone 5 nor EE

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FAIL

"35 / 12 = 2.196666... (6 recurring)."

Aya, I was looking at the wrong calculation. My bad.

it seems that FAIL is the only thing recurring in this thread, though, as even without a calculator I know that 35/12 is not 2.19666 - it's 2.91666.

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FAIL

"You need a new calculator mate..."

No, he doesn't. £1.85bn divided by 81.6m is £22.67.

That said, I would doubt his cited figure of 81.6m mobile contracts as that's 33% more contracts than there are people. Of course some people will have both personal and business phones, but equally there are a lot of people who have a PAYG phone or have no mobile at all. Does anyone have a source for that number?

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Samsung adds iPhone 5 to patent battle v Apple

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Mushroom

"...ON A MOBILE DEVICE"

Congratulations, you have just patented firing the iPhone 5 into the Sun. This can only be a good thing, as the fanbois still won't let go of theirs.

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Guild Wars 2 game review

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Headmaster

Re: Trading?

I believe Lucy is referring to the game's lack of a method to directly trade items between characters. You have to use the TP or mail system.

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Conroy wants telcos to wear undies on heads

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Re: ::tee hee::

I don't know about that, but I do believe that if the company reps want to bid in this spectrum auction they'd better hope they have B-cup breasts or larger. Otherwise it may be illegal for them to wear red underpants on their head in Australia.

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Populous

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Holmes

"I've recently been introduced to Catan, and it's awesomely good fun"

Don't worry, you've only just been introduced to it. SoC is a great gateway game, but it does pall realtively quickly once you realise the game is 70% luck after the initial setup. You'll soon want to move on. If you want something more thoughtful go for Caylus, but if you prefer the light style give Dominion a go.

I'm also failing to see what anyone finds wrong in playing strategic games with heavy elements of planning and negotiation. You can get good jobs with those skills.

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Facepalm

"the inspiration for Black and White"

Yes, I expect that Peter Molyneux was a heavy influence on Black and White creator Peter Molyneux.

I'm also failing to see the connection between Populous and Settlers of Catan, as they have no mechanics in common. The only link is the goal of "start with a village and make more", which is so generic as to be no link at all.

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Scientists: 'Castration is the key to a longer life'

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Headmaster

Re: "Removing the testicles ... will in most cases also make you unable to perform"

Don't compare apples and oranges. Vasectomy is no different to complete removal of the testes so far as hormone production goes, but it doesn't kill your libido or render you incapable. Chemical castration differs in that it alters your biochemistry directly, replacing the testosterone that is already present.

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FAIL

"rapists - now there's a deserving test group."

Except by the time you are a rapist you're already a fully functioning male, and loss of your testicles will only prevent you reproducing. As a guy I knew once said: "You've got meat and two veg. Take away the sprouts and you've still got a meal."

Go back to reading the Daily Mail.

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Ig Nobels 2012: Physics of ponytails, chimp arse-cognition and more

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Joke

"Maybe there should be an app for that instead of face recognition!"

The iOS version only works with the forward facing camera?

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iPhone queue ‘superficial and pretentious’ says queuing fangirl

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Devil

"But there is a chance media will interview you "

Well, I suppose everyone knowing you're an idiot will change your life, but perhaps not in the way you might have hoped.

(Note: this sentiment applies to anyone who queues for days for anything, not just to iPhone buyers.)

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Fans rap Apple's 'crap' Map app

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Headmaster

"Apple are sitting on a gigantic cash pile, why haven't they spent some?"

Because if they did, they wouldn't be sitting on as gigantic a cash pile. Corporations don't look at their money and wonder how they can use it; they look at it and wonder how they can get more. Their aim is to maximise profit, and the less money that flows out the easier this becomes.

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Sky ruled OK to hold broadcast licence without Murdoch at helm

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Boffin

"Does the EPG have to stop?"

Sky's EPG would stop, but there's nothing stopping the other channels using someone else's (e.g. Virgin Media), is there?

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iPhone 5 sleuth work points to $199 component costs

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"I thought people didn't buy Apple for ideological reasons"

This is broadly speaking true. On the other hand, one of the more commonly cited ideologies for not buying Apple is because they hugely overprice their products to exploit fashion victims, or words to that effect.

Also, I suspect the scenario which would play out in many other cases would run something like this:

"Apple are the 21st century equivalent of Hitler!"

<passes sign indicating £100 price cut on all iPads>

"Sieg heil! Sieg heil!"

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Jedit
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Facepalm

"any large-scale product that isn't making about 50% markup is probably going to be short-lived."

Yes, I remember the demise of the Kindle well. Selling the base unit at cost price really hampered Amazon, preventing them from doing R&D and thus killing off any possibility of touchscreen versions and colour versions.

Oh, wait - that didn't actually happen, did it?

It's called a loss leader. Amazon make their money from the Kindle by taking a cut of the book sales, just as Apple take their cut from the App Store. I wouldn't expect Apple to sell the iPad or iPhone as a loss leader, but they could definitely sell it for significantly less and still rake in cash hand over fist. It wouldn't be a bad move either - if they cut the price of the iPad by, say, £100 across all lines they'd lock up the tablet market completely.

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Work for beer, Neil Gaiman's wife tells musicians

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FAIL

"please tell us all how much of $1.2 million she'd be left with once all the costs are paid"

About $190,000, according to Amanda Palmer. Is she somebody in the music industry that you know who she is?

Of course, Palmer didn't include the gate money from the tour in her estimate, which should pay for all tour costs - that's how it works. So that $190k is by her own admission clear profit for her.

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FAIL

"Absolute nonsense. It's the other way around"

Janis Ian, who has been recording for over 40 years and hence knows more about it than you, has stated that she's never received a royalty statement from a record company that didn't say she owed them money and that she makes all her income from touring.

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Jedit
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Flame

"She's also more likely well know than Neil Gaiman"

No, she's not. Gaiman has written for Doctor Who and several of his own books have been adapted for the screen; his global audience numbers in the millions.

Amanda Palmer should be ashamed. Compare what she's done to what Thea Gilmore did when someone in her £52-a-year subscription fanclub commented that she wasn't delivering any of what she'd promised apart from the private forum and the monthly exclusive song. Thea agreed, apologised, ditched subscription fees until she figured out how to get it all working again, and has carried on giving existing members forum access and the monthly song for free in the interim. I can't imagine that Palmer isn't in a position to make this comparison, either, as Neil Gaiman is one of Thea's fanclub members.

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Apple iPhone 5 hands-on review

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Black Helicopters

"a lot of people have noticed that a number of Samsung's phones look like iPhones"

When Samsung were ordered to show Apple a number of their upcoming phone designs, I joked that Apple would be unable to design their new phones without knowing what Samsung were going to copy from them. Now we have the iPhone 5, which apart from scale and the round home button is scarcely distinguishable from a Galaxy S3 - which is one of the phone designs Apple got to see.

Me, I'm saying nothing.

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Australian tabloid decides to fight trolls ... with trolls

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Devil

"the best way to kill trolls is to stop feeding them!"

Actually, the *best* way to kill trolls involves several sheets of coarse sandpaper, a flensing knife, a bottle of Dave's Insanity Sauce and several large rats. However, in this civilised era we frown upon such behaviour - chiefly as it's hard to get the stains out of the carpet - and so we go for the second best option.

Still, those were the days. <sighs nostalgically>

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Scientists provide a measure of uncertainty

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"No, but I know exactly where I am!"

On a related note:

How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he doesn't know which way to turn it.

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Health minister warns ISPs: Block suicide websites or face regulation

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Headmaster

"Strange, but, it seems, true."

And entirely misleading. As you say, the paracetamol purchase limit didn't stop premeditated suicides from shopping around, so the suicides it did prevent would be those committed on impulse with the easiest tool to hand. No doubt a few potential suicides did back out because they didn't like the thought of cutting themselves or whatever, but most of the people who would have committed suicide by overdose just went and killed themselves by another means.

On top of which, paracetamol overdoses are nowhere near as reliable as you think, and a lot of such overdoses are not serious suicide attempts. I can only speculate how many mentally disturbed people have died as a result of the purchase limit forcing them to try more lethal methods.

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Dredd movie review

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FAIL

"it's just an attempt at doing TRR with a splash of cashing in on a comic book"

Except the two films were in production simultaneously. In fact, the director of The Raid is on record as saying that he saw the script for Dredd during filming his own movie and immediately thought that he'd have to get his own movie out first to avoid being on the other end of the comparison.

As for "cashing in on a comic book", Dredd doesn't have the brand recognition to make any kind of cash-in work. With the exception of Batman, Superman and Spider-Man virtually no comic character does.

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Amazon pitches cheap new Kindles for Blighty

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Thumb Down

"And I don't mind paying a little extra for it."

Unless you buy your Nexus 7 from Amazon, where they're charging £60 more for it so no naughty comparison shopper accidentally buys one instead of a Kindle Fire.

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