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* Posts by Jedit

861 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Review: Philips Hue network enabled multicolour lightbulbs

Jedit
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Headmaster

Re: "There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"

No. Glass can withstand a direct push against a light spring, and when you turn it to engage the bayonet it's a loose fit. Screw sockets grip the screw more tightly, and if anything causes the screw to stick you're suddenly twisting thin glass.

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Jedit
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"There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"

Most people I know who dislike screw bulbs do so because screw bulbs are much easier to break when being fitted or removed, and if this happens it's an absolute bastard to clear the socket for a fresh bulb. Bayonet adapters may make it slightly easier to remove the bulb, but they shift the problem to removing the adapter so you can reuse it. If you can't readily remove the adapter, having a screw socket adds £2 to the price of every lightbulb you buy.

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Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

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Angel

iPot

Surely it would be iNdica?

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First 'adult' app for Google Glass planned 'within days'

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Joke

"Someone might put some Deep Heat in the tube of moisturising cream..."

That's OK - the cream is for his elbow.

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Tennis pro serves up pic of bad French Open line call

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Headmaster

Re: You can not be serious.

You realise that Cyclops and Hawkeye are both developments for which McEnroe pushed very strongly, right? If Hawkeye had existed when he was playing he'd never have been known as the Brat, because he didn't get mad because the calls went against him - he got mad because they were wrong.

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Fairphone goes on sale to all

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Facepalm

"closing-time-at-a-dive-pub type ramblings got on national stages "

Ah yes, a different time when we didn't have Al Murray and Frankie Boyle.

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Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

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Joke

"I've received penalty points for speeding in Watford and Hull within 15 minutes of each other"

Dear God, man, how fast were you going?

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Apple adds Galaxy S 4 to Samsung patent suit

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Headmaster

"How about you spend that fat cash on making a better product "

Because their proprietary closed shop prevents it. As the outsiders with the unique product, their R&D team has to try and beat the combined resources of every other phone manufacturer all by itself. It's not reasonable to expect them to beat everyone, and so now the field has caught up Apple will never be top of the line again. Since the sole justification for their inflated prices is that iProducts are top of the line, if Apple want to keep their position as top dog they have no recourse except to litigate.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"Captain Ahab Apple still going after Moby Dick Samsung."

Wouldn't Apple be Moby Dick? They want an arm and a leg from Samsung and so far have only got the leg [1], and of course their whales are available in white.

Yeah, yeah, call me iShmael.

[1] Though Samsung do still have a leg to stand on.

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Review: Samsung Galaxy S4

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Coat

"On the downside, being a mini-tablet it was too big for most pockets "

How small are your pockets? My S4 fits comfortably into my shirt pocket with nothing sticking out. I'd have to bend 90 degrees at the waist to risk it tipping.

Also, don't use the Samsung generic keyboard. Gingerbread Keyboard is free, better and comes with the predictive text we all crave - though for some reason its first suggestion for "di" is "dildo". So don't take too many shortcuts when typing "didn't", or your texts could become a whole lot more fun.

Mine is, of course, the one with the Galaxy S4 in the pocket.

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NEW ITV Player app IS HERE ... for Samsung fandroids only. Ha ha

Jedit
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Samsung exclusivity for ITV?

Well, that would be a reason to sign up with Samsung, if I ever watched anything on ITV.

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Retro-tech fan seeks cash for Commodore 64 clones

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Stop

"Something seems amiss."

Yes, something does seem amiss - namely, that it's a flexible funding campaign. That means Biehl will get every dollar pledged even if he doesn't make his target. You should never, ever trust or pledge to a flexible funding campaign; far too many of them are scams.

It would be good if El Reg could put a note on the article warning people about this.

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Ray Harryhausen, king of stop motion, takes final voyage

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Stop

Ray Harryhausen is not dead...

... he's just waiting for the next frame.

Some things live forever. Prosit, Ray.

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How did something so small and pink cause so much trouble?

Jedit
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Holmes

"And a colon map as a backup"

The colon map should have been the default plan. They could have tested it by sticking it up their arses.

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Impoverished net user slams 'disgusting' quid-a-day hack

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Angel

"Good effort."

By a bizarre coincidence, that is likely to be our response when your next £1-a-day article describes your latest attempt to use the lavatory.

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Weary quid-a-day nosh hack fears colonal mass ejection

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Joke

Mass Eject 3?

All I can say is I hope they change the ending. Lester's currently got three options but they all end the same way.

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Fanbois vs fandroids: Punters display 'tribal loyalty'

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Stop

"It's unlikely that dumb-phone holdouts are going to go straight to a top-of-the-range smartphone"

Why? That's exactly what I did when I finally got a smartphone two years ago. My logic was simple: I wanted to buy a phone that could handle anything that might come along during the lifetime of the device.

The surveys showing greater brand loyalty among Apple owners are false, though - in my experience, at least. I see people saying "I think this is where I switch from my iPhone to Phone X" all the time, but I haven't once seen someone say "I'm disappointed in my Galaxy SIII, I'm going to buy an iPhone".

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Virgin Media: SO SORRY we fined your dead dad £10 for unpaid bill

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Mushroom

"You are aware that these bills are never seen by a human being"

Unlike Atos reports, which have on several occasions now declared that a dead person is fit for work.

Mind you, given Atos' track record for recommending that the benefits of critically disabled or terminally ill people be stopped, I don't think being compiled by a staff member rules out their never having been seen by a human being.

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Crackdown looming on premium-rate phone number internet ads

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This is good news

Now all we need is to institute the death penalty [1] for the scum who cold call from "the technical support service of Windows", and we'll be set.

[1] Some negotiation may be required here.

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Gov.uk named THE BEST THING Britain has made all year

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Boffin

"This service doesn’t work with some modern browsers and operating systems"

There was an article on this in the new Private Eye. Apparently the benefits claim form has small print saying you may have problems trying to use the site with the following systems and software:

All Macs

All Linux-based systems

Windows Vista (and therefore presumably Win7)

IE versions above 6

Chrome

Safari

Firefox

In other words, this masterpiece of design is incompatible with literally every computer made in the last six years.

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Cutting CO2 too difficult? Try these 4 simple tricks instead

Jedit
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Paris Hilton

"What a complete non-story, it is not like any of this is "new" information"

This is the internet. Its entire purpose is to distribute pornography, bad opinions and weird tricks discovered by housewives. This article has done the last and several commentards have done the second, so it was worthwhile.

(Paris, because we may as well complete the trifecta.)

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Review: Kobo Arc Android tablet

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Facepalm

"Reading" material, huh?

Next time El Reg gets someone to review a tablet or e-reader, it might be a good idea if they were advised to take their porno off the page before taking the photos or screenshots.

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Australian Feds charge 17-year-old 'Anon' with four crimes

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Headmaster

"He was Anonymous but not anonymous."

Actually he is still anonymous. As a minor his name is protected.

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ANCIENT CURSED RING known to TOLKIEN goes on display

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Trollface

Re: Ancient and cursed ring?

So that was you in the Goatse picture?

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Chinese game addict MURDERS girlfriend after she leaves him

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Stop

"He couldn't have been that distracted if he caught wind"

Unless he "caught wind" when she told him she was leaving him for someone else.

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Jedit
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Headmaster

"you can still be a twat !!"

Interestingly, "twat" is Neil Gaiman's past tense for "tweet". Example: "Stephen Fry twat six times today".

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The gaming habits of Reg readers revealed

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Joke

"does my 2 yo really need to see my one shot sniper kill?"

He does if you ever expect him to get good at the game!

Me, I'm sensing a man desperately trying to delay the inevitable day whe he gets pwned by his preschooler...

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Osborne slashes growth forecast by half in bleak economy statement

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Stop

"while even more would argue..."

No, I don't think they would. Cameron and Osborne are still in Downing Street, so the government clearly hasn't gone anywhere near far enough.

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BYOD: Bring Your Own Device - or Bring Your Own Disaster?

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'Wireless charging' in Galaxy S4 will betray Samsung's best pal

Jedit
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Devil

"Give me convenience or give me death!"

Shouldn't that be "give me convenience *and* give me death"?

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"Errr, remind me, which was the best out of those?"

In terms of quality, Betamax. VHS survived because it was a bit cheaper.

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Carrie Fisher dusts off THAT bikini for Star Wars VII

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Trollface

"I never understood what was so special..."

Indeed. But enough about Serenity - what did you think of Star Wars?

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Twenty classic arcade games

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Re: I spent ages playing Tempest...

For reference, the "claw" in Tempest is called a C-Shooter.

Dave Theurer's finest hour, that game, and it didn't get any worse when Jeff Minter remade it as Tempest 2000.

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Tesco: Every little (effort to kill Amazon, Spotify) helps

Jedit
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Devil

"I can see it now films brought to you by Tesco"

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

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Unwearable tech: Five ways IT garb's gone HORRIBLY WRONG

Jedit
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Alert

"A Fully Integrated RF-Powered Contact Lens With a Single Element Display'"

Is there something wrong with me that my first reaction to seeing that was to try and figure out what the humourous acronym was?

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BBC: Monster cargo ship delivers '863 million tins of baked beans'

Jedit
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Headmaster

"is the Triple E the class, or the name?"

It's the class, obviously. You see it, and you go "Eee, that's a big ship!"

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Apple design bloke Ive finally honoured properly - with Blue Peter badge

Jedit
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Headmaster

where's your, "double-sided sticky tape, for speed"?

Apple patented it so they could use it in Apple Maps.

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Satanic Renault takes hapless French bloke on 200km/h joyride

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Megaphone

A Renault, you say?

"Papa?"

"NIICOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

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Public told to go to hell, name Pluto's two new moons

Jedit
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Headmaster

"Acheron and Styx"

If you're going to name them for a pair of rivers, Phlegethon and Styx would be more appropriate. The water nymph Styx (for whom the river is named) was in love with the fire spirit Phlegethon, but died at his touch.

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Huge rock-hard marble erection shocks Japanese kiddies

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Angel

"I've seen bigger pricks down at the local bank."

Not unusual, really. The average man has 5.5-7 inches, whereas the average bank manager is closer to six foot.

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Boffins find 17,425,170-digit prime number

Jedit
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"I would go with 117"

One shiny upvote for AC 6/2/13 13:14, as promised. It's higher than you'd think, isn't it?

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Jedit
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Boffin

Here's a fun question for you

Excluding 1, what is the smallest integer that is not the sum of two primes, the product of two primes or a power of a prime? First person to get it wins a shiny upvote.

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The Register: Our all-new app now available for Android

Jedit
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Re: 17.07MB ?

It's 9MB on my Play Store.

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Ten 3D printers for this year's modellers

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"I liked your quote so much, I have copied and reprinted it"

But not in 3D, so I guess you do need a 3D printer!

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BT to end traffic throttling - claims capacity is FAT

Jedit
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Joke

"I give it a year."

I don't think many people will be streaming that film in HD.

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We're not making this up: Apple trademarks the SHOP

Jedit
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Stop

"I really don't want to live on this planet any more."

That's a foolish attitude to have, Fab. You should not want Apple to live on this planet any more.

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Customer service rep fired for writing game that mocks callers

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Unhappy

"I know a guy from the New York Army National Guard ..."

Frank, the difference between the guy from the Guard with his Army cartoon and Mr Gallant here is that your guy is only poking fun at his employer. Gallant is making fun of the people who called him for assistance. I don't know how things work where you are, but over here I would expect anyone in a customer-facing role who openly held customers in contempt to be fired for misconduct. Under the circumstances and given how few people had downloaded the game Gallant's employer should probably have given him a severe dressing down and told him to pull the game and replace it with an apology before moving directly to dismissal, but he can't complain about unfair treatment.

(That's not to say his customers weren't stupid, by the way - just that he should have kept his thoughts on the matter to himself.)

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Have Brits fallen for Netflix, or do they still LoveFilm?

Jedit
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FAIL

"you are on their database, as you are a customer. ..."

True dat, but a company that doesn't separate existing customers from potential new customers is so wilfully incompetent that they don't deserve business.

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Naked intruder cracks one off in Florida rampage drama

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Headmaster

"a little more careful murdering people under the Stand Your Ground law "

Legal note (IANAL): SYG isn't the law that applies here. "Stand Your Ground" laws remove the duty to retreat from a public confrontation before using force if you are acting in defence of life, and are primarily invoked to allow white people to shoot black people - SYG has a habit of being thrown out as a defence when it's a black shooter or a white victim. This case is castle doctrine, which allows the residents of a property to defend themselves against intruders regardless of whether they believe their life is endangered.

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Sympathetic Scots scoff-house offers hard-up Apple fanbois a discount

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FAIL

An interesting way to drum up publicity

They might have wanted to try regular advertising first, though. I live in Aberdeen and I've never heard of this place. Not that I'll be trying it now - finding the advert before the restauarant, to me it feels more like a 25% surcharge for not being an Apple owner.

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