838 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010
"Colder even than a midwinter night in Aberdeen"
No it bloody well isn't. >:[
"Anyone would think they created a mobile game to make money"
There's a difference between offering micro-transactions for things that make the game easier and deliberately deceiving your customers into thinking they have to pay to play. The Facebook log-out option that you need to even know the Mystery Quests exist has been hidden behind two levels of menus then tucked away offscreen at the bottom of a list.
Also, Angry Birds and countless other games let you play for free or pay for an ad-free version. Rovio aren't losing money.
Re: Candy Crush..
Not really. It's transparently luck-based after about level 80, and the more luck-based the level the more King charge for additional moves. Most levels are 69p, but the ones where you have to get super-lucky are £1.49.
King have also tried deceiving players into thinking they have to pay or ask friends to access levels past 35 by hiding the daily quests when you're logged into Facebook, and tricked them into using boosters that cost money by automatically turning them on so they get wasted on trivial early levels. A militantly dishonest company.
"Pics or it didn't happen"
Not that I go around hiring hitmen, but I would imagine this to be a standard requirement. It makes sense for a hitman to hide the body well, if not actually destroy it outright. Without some form of visual proof, how does the buyer know that the hitman didn't just tell the target to disappear?
Re: I find your use of the word 'boffin' offensive
Why so angry? Nobody's asking YOU to boff them, are they?
"Where the <Austrian town of choice> is this going?"
On a side note, there was at one point a movement to have Fucking, Austria twinned with the Norwegian town of Hell.
"They should've named the next version of Android after Kendal Mint Cake"
That would be potentially risky due to politics. The Romney family who manufacture Kendal Mint Cake are relatives of (thankfully failed) Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.
I think we may see more branded Android releases in future. L will be Licorice or Lemon Meringue for sure, but after that we go straight to Mars Bar or Milky Way. N will be Nougat, but O will be Oreo.
"The director was subsequently chosen for the LotR trilogy, for some bizarre reason."
Two bizarre reasons, actually: Heavenly Creatures and The Frighteners. The one showed that Jackson could do something other than splatter movies, the other showed that he could handle a real budget.
" if you want a monument to Steve Jobs, go buy an original mac"
If you want a monument to Steve Jobs, relieve yourself in a Superloo. They look flashy, but aren't really any better than alternatives that are far cheaper and have greater functionality . Plus, you get a free statue of Steve Jobs!
 Superloos pre-soap the water in their sinks, so you can't rinse your toothbrush.
"Don't put up a penny of your money and stick someone else for the bill"
More like "Don't put up a statue and stick someone else for the bill".
Nobody yet seems to have noticed that this project is Flexible Funding, which means the people behind it will get to keep the money even if the $50k is not raised with no obligation to deliver anything. An outlandish project like this that also uses Flexible Funding is a very strong indicator of a scam.
"professional ladies introducing a new version"
Seems more likely than an attempt to use credit cards.
"That'll do nicely, sir."
I'll leave it to your imagination where a naked lady might swipe the card.
"Works if using original Google Maps"
Doesn't seem to work in Firefox. I tried last night, no double-arrow anywhere to be found. Works fine today in IE8, though. Did someone mention a time lock?
"We've fucking time travelled"
Everyone could do themselves some good by searching YouTube for "Malcolm Tucker is Doctor Who" and watching the short video of that name (NSFW, obviously). In the 72 hours following the announcement of Capaldi's casting, his first interview as the 12th Doctor got over 160,000 hits; in the same period, the Tucker Who video received over a million.
"on the upside, as we all roast and choke it would be raining DIAMONDS!"
That's hardly an up side. Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head would become a song about being tortured, and the remake of Singing in the Rain would have to be a snuff movie.
Also most of it wouldn't be gem quality.
"Or put another way stick a cage round it!"
In case you're not joking: the body of an aeroplane *is* a Faraday cage.
"it has got two of the three "sharks, tits, and Hitler" topics."
So the perfect C5 documentary would be "Hitler: A Tit Who Jumped The Shark"?
"I hestitate to ask how one orks a cow"
You paint it red so it goes faster, obviously. WAAAGGHH!
"Later we had Ealing Studios’ Went the Day Well"
I'm not sure what the writer is trying to say here. He seems to be saying that Quatermass II was an infuence on Went The Day Well, but it was released 13 years after that movie.
"time perception is, of course, governed by the Shatner's Bassoon"
Well, that explains those ... odd ... pauses we alll ... experience ... now and again.
Cerebus even went out to Pluto. Damn, we should have voted that as the name (and Jaka for the other one).
"by the definition above the McAfee install is bloody malware"
Yes, but the definition you gave for malware isn't the real definition. Malware is software intended to harm your machine. McAfee is shovelware, but it's not malware. If it was, you wouldn't have the option to untick that box.
I'm guessing you installed Flash, hammered the Next button as fast as you could, and are now crying because McAfee got installed as well.
"Conan the Barbarian clearly launched his career."
Arnie's movie career was launched by Stay Hungry. His presence and attitude in that movie was what attracted people towards him as a screen actor.
"If you haven't already read the Wasp Factory. You wont regret it."
Most people who have read The Wasp Factory advance the opinion that they do regret reading it, for a great many reasons that do not involve the book being crap.
Personally I never saw what the fuss was about with The Wasp Factory and for the most part I can't relate to the Culture books with all their GUAs  either. But still, in an ideal world Iain Banks would still be here, writing books I don't want to read. Ave atque vale.
 GUA: Generally Unexplained Acronym
You just couldn't resist putting up the cover for Servants of the Wankh, could you?
(Paris, because she probably has servants for that as well.)
Re: Tulisa :)
"This year, the Doctor is doing Time"
"Apple's "paid-for property" is in this case the White House itself."
Of course Apple owns the White House. Couldn't you tell by the Oval Office's rounded corners?
"A pathetic 27 letters, but you cannot say it is worthless"
Many of us probably can't say it, period. However, I do know for sure that you can't spell it. It's "floccinaucinihilipilification", and it's 29 letters long - one more than "antidisestablishmentarianism".
Re: "There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"
No. Glass can withstand a direct push against a light spring, and when you turn it to engage the bayonet it's a loose fit. Screw sockets grip the screw more tightly, and if anything causes the screw to stick you're suddenly twisting thin glass.
"There's no need to change your light fittings - you can buy screw to bayonet adapters"
Most people I know who dislike screw bulbs do so because screw bulbs are much easier to break when being fitted or removed, and if this happens it's an absolute bastard to clear the socket for a fresh bulb. Bayonet adapters may make it slightly easier to remove the bulb, but they shift the problem to removing the adapter so you can reuse it. If you can't readily remove the adapter, having a screw socket adds £2 to the price of every lightbulb you buy.
Surely it would be iNdica?
"Someone might put some Deep Heat in the tube of moisturising cream..."
That's OK - the cream is for his elbow.
Re: You can not be serious.
You realise that Cyclops and Hawkeye are both developments for which McEnroe pushed very strongly, right? If Hawkeye had existed when he was playing he'd never have been known as the Brat, because he didn't get mad because the calls went against him - he got mad because they were wrong.
"closing-time-at-a-dive-pub type ramblings got on national stages "
Ah yes, a different time when we didn't have Al Murray and Frankie Boyle.
"I've received penalty points for speeding in Watford and Hull within 15 minutes of each other"
Dear God, man, how fast were you going?
"How about you spend that fat cash on making a better product "
Because their proprietary closed shop prevents it. As the outsiders with the unique product, their R&D team has to try and beat the combined resources of every other phone manufacturer all by itself. It's not reasonable to expect them to beat everyone, and so now the field has caught up Apple will never be top of the line again. Since the sole justification for their inflated prices is that iProducts are top of the line, if Apple want to keep their position as top dog they have no recourse except to litigate.
"Captain Ahab Apple still going after Moby Dick Samsung."
Wouldn't Apple be Moby Dick? They want an arm and a leg from Samsung and so far have only got the leg , and of course their whales are available in white.
Yeah, yeah, call me iShmael.
 Though Samsung do still have a leg to stand on.
"On the downside, being a mini-tablet it was too big for most pockets "
How small are your pockets? My S4 fits comfortably into my shirt pocket with nothing sticking out. I'd have to bend 90 degrees at the waist to risk it tipping.
Also, don't use the Samsung generic keyboard. Gingerbread Keyboard is free, better and comes with the predictive text we all crave - though for some reason its first suggestion for "di" is "dildo". So don't take too many shortcuts when typing "didn't", or your texts could become a whole lot more fun.
Mine is, of course, the one with the Galaxy S4 in the pocket.
Samsung exclusivity for ITV?
Well, that would be a reason to sign up with Samsung, if I ever watched anything on ITV.
"Something seems amiss."
Yes, something does seem amiss - namely, that it's a flexible funding campaign. That means Biehl will get every dollar pledged even if he doesn't make his target. You should never, ever trust or pledge to a flexible funding campaign; far too many of them are scams.
It would be good if El Reg could put a note on the article warning people about this.
Ray Harryhausen is not dead...
... he's just waiting for the next frame.
Some things live forever. Prosit, Ray.
"And a colon map as a backup"
The colon map should have been the default plan. They could have tested it by sticking it up their arses.
By a bizarre coincidence, that is likely to be our response when your next £1-a-day article describes your latest attempt to use the lavatory.
Mass Eject 3?
All I can say is I hope they change the ending. Lester's currently got three options but they all end the same way.
"It's unlikely that dumb-phone holdouts are going to go straight to a top-of-the-range smartphone"
Why? That's exactly what I did when I finally got a smartphone two years ago. My logic was simple: I wanted to buy a phone that could handle anything that might come along during the lifetime of the device.
The surveys showing greater brand loyalty among Apple owners are false, though - in my experience, at least. I see people saying "I think this is where I switch from my iPhone to Phone X" all the time, but I haven't once seen someone say "I'm disappointed in my Galaxy SIII, I'm going to buy an iPhone".
"You are aware that these bills are never seen by a human being"
Unlike Atos reports, which have on several occasions now declared that a dead person is fit for work.
Mind you, given Atos' track record for recommending that the benefits of critically disabled or terminally ill people be stopped, I don't think being compiled by a staff member rules out their never having been seen by a human being.
This is good news
Now all we need is to institute the death penalty  for the scum who cold call from "the technical support service of Windows", and we'll be set.
 Some negotiation may be required here.
"This service doesn’t work with some modern browsers and operating systems"
There was an article on this in the new Private Eye. Apparently the benefits claim form has small print saying you may have problems trying to use the site with the following systems and software:
All Linux-based systems
Windows Vista (and therefore presumably Win7)
IE versions above 6
In other words, this masterpiece of design is incompatible with literally every computer made in the last six years.
"What a complete non-story, it is not like any of this is "new" information"
This is the internet. Its entire purpose is to distribute pornography, bad opinions and weird tricks discovered by housewives. This article has done the last and several commentards have done the second, so it was worthwhile.
(Paris, because we may as well complete the trifecta.)
"Reading" material, huh?
Next time El Reg gets someone to review a tablet or e-reader, it might be a good idea if they were advised to take their porno off the page before taking the photos or screenshots.
"He was Anonymous but not anonymous."
Actually he is still anonymous. As a minor his name is protected.
- Game Theory The agony and ecstasy of SteamOS: WHERE ARE MY GAMES?
- Review Is it an iPad? Is it a MacBook Air? No, it's a Surface Pro 3
- Hello, police, El Reg here. Are we a bunch of terrorists now?
- Intel's Raspberry Pi rival Galileo can now run Windows
- Microsoft and HTC are M8s again: New One mobe sports WinPhone