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* Posts by Jedit

875 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

STRIPPED DOWN and EXPOSED: Business kit from the good old days

Jedit
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"I've still got a stack of 5 inchers with Harvard Graphics on them"

If you've only got a 5-incher then I have bad news for you - you've definitely been superseded.

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Jean Michel Jarre: Je voudrais un MUSIC TAX sur VOTRE MOBE

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Terminator

"Bring the oxygen - we have a case of severe equinox here!"

More of a revolution over some magnetic fields, if you ask me.

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NatWest 'spam' email cockup got me slapped with late payment fee, says angry Reg reader

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"Anybody who has anything to do with RBS or Natwest..."

... is insane. I closed my account there after I was able to deposit a cheque that wasn't made out to me into my own account. Gross incompetence from top to bottom.

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Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

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Mushroom

How ironic it is that people are being prevented from seeing a vital piece of the history of Hitler's defeat by exactly the kind of banally evil bureaucrat he would have loved.

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Apple’s Mac turns 30: How Steve Jobs’ baby took its first steps

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"Such a simple, obvious idea"

Moving the keyboard on a laptop from the front to the back was far from an obvious idea. To get the maximum screen size on the minimum footprint, the screen needs to be as close to the hinge as possible. If the keyboard is at the back of the case, the user's hands will block his view of the bottom of the screen. Apple got around this by raising the screen, but users paid for it with a slightly smaller display and a significantly thicker device.

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Boffins measure 27 quantum states of light

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You must have seen the movie, you must have read the book

Did it never occur to Schrodinger that the cat was an observer?

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UK smut filter may have sent game patch to sin-bin

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"Wessex, Sussex, Middlesex, Essex"

I always wondered why there was a West Saxon, a South Saxon, a Middle Saxon and an East Saxon but no North Saxon. Then I realised it was probably because they tried calling it "Nosex" and everybody left.

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Now we're cookin' on gas: Google crafts sugar-alert contact lens for diabetics

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"they are all able to naturally feel when their blood sugar is getting too low."

Type 1 diabetics can lose sensitivity to hypoglycaemia, which is why all sufferers of the condition are advised to test regularly whether they "feel low" or not. Kindly take your magnificently ill-informed opinion about how to control a potentially lethal disease that you do not have and fuck off.

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Boffins find ALIEN WORLD orbiting the Sun's LONG LOST TWIN

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Alien

"in centuries to come the definition of "life" will turn out to be far broader "

It already includes bronies. I don't think I want it to get any broader.

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Ian Williamson: The engineer who gave Sinclair his first micro

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This seems oddly familiar...

Is this article a repost? I'm sure I saw a lot of the material (including SCRUMPI) elsewhere on the Register last year.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

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Boffin

The "Twitter is th ebest computer game ever to have been created" irked me too

I don't know, arguably internet forums are the Microsoft Word MMO.

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Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

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"Was it a Derringer or a .44 Magnum the most powerful handgun in the world?"

Why does it matter? It wasn't being held in a hand.

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"it might be that the bullet is too small for the barrel."

Why assume there's something wrong with his organ, just because it wasn't built for playing in a cathedral?

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Block The Pirate Bay? Arrr, me hearties, new P2P client could sink that plan

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"I wonder if those people who have given me a thumbs down have bothered to review the ads"

I wouldn't, as I have never seen an ad on the Pirate Bay. If you're dumb enough to go browsing sites you think are dodgy without using blockers for adverts and Java, then you deserve all the thumbs down that you get.

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Classy Oregon diners tipped waitress with 'crystal meth' – cops

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Pirate

"Why doesn't anyone believe me?"

Because it's a ridiculous claim. Do you know how long it would take one person to smoke three LED torches?

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World+dog: Network level filters block LEGIT sex ed sites. Ofcom: Meh

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Something you all seem to have missed...

A number of LGBT support sites have been blocked by the filter, including the website of the LGBT Liberal Democrat group who were involved in the push for marriage equality. So in addition to everything else, the Tories are using the filter to bash gays.

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ZX Spectrum REVIVED as Bluetooth keyboard

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Thumb Down

"Nostalgia is one thing, trying to re-live it is another."

That may apply when talking about consoles from two generations back, but the nostalgia market for 8-bit computers remains strong because while sound and graphical gimmicks may date gameplay never does, and 8-bit games didn't have room for anything but pure unadulterated gameplay. Their legacy continues through indie developers - Super Meat Boy is so 80s it hurts.

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No anon pr0n for you: BT's network-level 'smut' filters will catch proxy servers too

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"It was a hung parliament"

The sooner this parliament goes from being hung to being hanged, the better.

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Jedit
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"Web filtering is already the default on mobile phones."

Yes. I found that out while trying to access a friend's Facebook page. If that doesn't tell you the system is filtering for what they want you to see rather than for things that might actually be of concern, then nothing will.

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IDS finally admits what EVERYONE ELSE already knows: Universal Credit will be late

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Re: Please can you pass the slit?

Irredeemable Despicable Sociopath would be closer to the truth.

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OHM MY GOD! Move over graphene, here comes '100% PERFECT' stanene

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"Really, stanene?"

Better than calling it icosihenagene, and adding the strapline "you just can't have enough".

Personally I wouldn't find stanene out of place in the component list of a Terminator, so it's acceptable as a name.

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Ultimate Doctor Tom Baker REGENERATES, RETURNS to WHO

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Headmaster

"Baker ... ain't no 30-something anymore"

He never was. Baker was 40 when he took on the role.

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Doctor Who writers Neil Gaiman and Terrance Dicks talk to The Reg

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"Sadly I do think that Scientology is not what he intended it to be."

Scientology is exactly what Hubbard intended it to be. Or did you forget that he is the person who said the fastest way to make a million dollars is to found a religion?

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Doctor Who: From Edwardian grump to Malcolm Tucker and back again

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" It was nice for McGann to list the companions he's had while working for Big Finish"

It was better than nice - it's made the Eighth Doctor's BF stories officially canon. Moffat's also dropped hints that the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors may be allowed to reprise the role for BF if they wish. Eccleston probably won't, but Matt Smith might.

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BOFH: Resistance is futile - we're missing BEER O'CLOCK

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"Dueling Banjos played on bagpipes is bloody brilliant!"

Like the BOFH, I believe that the definition of perfect pitch is when you throw a bagpiper off a cliff and he lands on an accordionist. The only exceptions to this are Orbital's Bigpipe Style and the Reel and Soul Society's accordion version of Green Onions. I am not downvoting your post, but only because it would be churlish to do so in addition to hurling you to your death on the rocks 200 feet below.

I do, however, have "O Fortuna" from Carmina Burana (AKA "the Old Spice music") played on a banjo. Now THAT'S good.

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Sony's new PlayStation 4: Early faults ENRAGE some buyers

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"Speak for yourself - If it has DRM like that on it, I won't buy it."

You're seriously using Steam DRM as an argument for buying a Sony console instead?

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HAUNTED HOWITZERS, it’s Call of Duty Ghosts

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Don't bother reading Fables

It turned into a load of tedious crap long ago after the end of the first main arc, and it's coming to a close next year anyway. Read The Unwritten instead.

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XBOX One SHOT DEAD by Redmond following delivery blunder

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"the gamer in question couldn't launch CoD in offline mode after being banned"

So you lose your XBL account and your console is useless? I imagine Hitler is going to have a few words to say about that.

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Alleged Peeping Tom claims First Amendment right to upskirt

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"ask any body who has been sexually assaulted if they'd rather had had a photo taken"

Tell you what, why don't I ask my sister how she felt when some slimy pervert stuck his phone up her skirt and took a photo? Oh, wait, I don't have to - I already know that she was shocked and upset by it. I also know that had I been there, said pervert would have eaten his phone without salt.

You are speaking from a position of ignorance, Chris. Taking an upskirt photo without permission may not be on the same level as groping a woman or pulling off her clothes, and it's certainly nowhere near actual rape, but it's still a violation.

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Mushroom

"Bit of an extreme reaction here"

I can see why you chose to be anonymous. There is nothing extreme about getting angry with someone for committing what is essentially a sexual assault on a loved one.

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Facebook fans fuel FAGGOT FURY firestorm

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"Worse than that, they allow comments ... like "would of gone""

Well, of course they do. That's what happens when your ban on all Nazis extends to the grammar Nazis. The internet needs the SS [1] if it's going to stay readable.

[1] Sentence Structure.

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HTC phone STOPS BULLET, saves Florida gas station clerk's life

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Angel

"No it's at what point Apple will patent the bulletproof phone"

Note that despite Apple's pride in the aluminium back, the article does not say that an iPhone has ever stopped a bullet. For a variety of reasons one would think there would be more incidents of iPhone users being shot at, too. Obviously it's the smaller screen size - less chance of it getting in the way.

(Cue quote from the spectre of Jobs: "iPhone users would rather be shot than use a device with a larger screen.")

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Samsung is officially the WORLD'S BIGGEST smartphone maker

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"I expect you meant to say: "all the other major smartphone manufacturers"."

I think the total figures are for all handsets including those that are not smartphones. It's possible that Samsung's 31% share does represent more than 50% of the smartphones. I'm not sure how that works given that Windows phones (and possibly Blackberries) do technically count as smart and they make up more than 2% of the market, but still.

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Play Elite, Pitfall right now: Web TIME PORTAL opens to vintage games, apps

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"I watched Big Trouble In Little China recently, dreadfull"

You leave Jack Burton alone!

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Payday loan firms are the WORST. Ugh, my mobe's FILLED with filthy SPAM

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Joke

"I'm still getting PPI and "you've had an accident" junk"

Have you considered upgrading your handset?

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Reg mobile correspondent Bill Ray hangs up his Vulture hat

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Trollface

"Who are they going to go to - 3?"

And here we are five years later, when I routinely hear of O2 customers abandoning ship to head for the fairer waters (and unlimited mobile data allowances) of 3. I migrated myself earlier this year. Ah, sweet irony.

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Apple's Hacker Princess really needs to stay away from Idaho cops

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Re: In Idaho...

We don't want to know about Idaho. That sort of thing should be kept private.

(I know, I know...)

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Pac-Man GHOST nebula is literally the coolest thing in the universe – boffins

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Mushroom

"Colder even than a midwinter night in Aberdeen"

No it bloody well isn't. >:[

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First Twitter, now Candy Crush King. So who ISN'T 'filing a secret IPO'?

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"Anyone would think they created a mobile game to make money"

There's a difference between offering micro-transactions for things that make the game easier and deliberately deceiving your customers into thinking they have to pay to play. The Facebook log-out option that you need to even know the Mystery Quests exist has been hidden behind two levels of menus then tucked away offscreen at the bottom of a list.

Also, Angry Birds and countless other games let you play for free or pay for an ad-free version. Rovio aren't losing money.

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Jedit
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Megaphone

Re: Candy Crush..

Not really. It's transparently luck-based after about level 80, and the more luck-based the level the more King charge for additional moves. Most levels are 69p, but the ones where you have to get super-lucky are £1.49.

King have also tried deceiving players into thinking they have to pay or ask friends to access levels past 35 by hiding the daily quests when you're logged into Facebook, and tricked them into using boosters that cost money by automatically turning them on so they get wasted on trivial early levels. A militantly dishonest company.

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Feds: Silk Road pirate king tried to SNUFF customer AND employee

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"Pics or it didn't happen"

Not that I go around hiring hitmen, but I would imagine this to be a standard requirement. It makes sense for a hitman to hide the body well, if not actually destroy it outright. Without some form of visual proof, how does the buyer know that the hitman didn't just tell the target to disappear?

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Douglas Adams was RIGHT! TINY ALIENS are invading Earth, say boffins

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Re: I find your use of the word 'boffin' offensive

Why so angry? Nobody's asking YOU to boff them, are they?

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ISPs set to install network-level smut filters despite Lib Dem opposition

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"Where the <Austrian town of choice> is this going?"

On a side note, there was at one point a movement to have Fucking, Austria twinned with the Norwegian town of Hell.

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Give us a break: Next Android version to be called 'KitKat'

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Headmaster

"They should've named the next version of Android after Kendal Mint Cake"

That would be potentially risky due to politics. The Romney family who manufacture Kendal Mint Cake are relatives of (thankfully failed) Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney.

I think we may see more branded Android releases in future. L will be Licorice or Lemon Meringue for sure, but after that we go straight to Mars Bar or Milky Way. N will be Nougat, but O will be Oreo.

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'World's worst director' plans Snowden-inspired movie comedy

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Headmaster

"The director was subsequently chosen for the LotR trilogy, for some bizarre reason."

Two bizarre reasons, actually: Heavenly Creatures and The Frighteners. The one showed that Jackson could do something other than splatter movies, the other showed that he could handle a real budget.

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Fear the JOBZILLA! 150ft STATUE of Steve planned 'lest fanbois forget'

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Devil

" if you want a monument to Steve Jobs, go buy an original mac"

If you want a monument to Steve Jobs, relieve yourself in a Superloo. They look flashy, but aren't really any better than alternatives that are far cheaper and have greater functionality [1]. Plus, you get a free statue of Steve Jobs!

[1] Superloos pre-soap the water in their sinks, so you can't rinse your toothbrush.

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Jedit
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Stop

"Don't put up a penny of your money and stick someone else for the bill"

More like "Don't put up a statue and stick someone else for the bill".

Nobody yet seems to have noticed that this project is Flexible Funding, which means the people behind it will get to keep the money even if the $50k is not raised with no obligation to deliver anything. An outlandish project like this that also uses Flexible Funding is a very strong indicator of a scam.

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Rate-my-boink app scores frisky fanbois, fangurlz' SCREAMS, VIBRATIONS

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Devil

"professional ladies introducing a new version"

Seems more likely than an attempt to use credit cards.

"American Express?"

*swipe*

"That'll do nicely, sir."

I'll leave it to your imagination where a naked lady might swipe the card.

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Google's Street View cars venture inside TARDIS

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"Works if using original Google Maps"

Doesn't seem to work in Firefox. I tried last night, no double-arrow anywhere to be found. Works fine today in IE8, though. Did someone mention a time lock?

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Jimbo: Software used for network-level smut-blocking DOESN'T WORK

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"We've fucking time travelled"

Everyone could do themselves some good by searching YouTube for "Malcolm Tucker is Doctor Who" and watching the short video of that name (NSFW, obviously). In the 72 hours following the announcement of Capaldi's casting, his first interview as the 12th Doctor got over 160,000 hits; in the same period, the Tucker Who video received over a million.

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