* Posts by Jedit

970 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

Nothing says 'Taliban' quite like net neutrality, eh, EU Digi Commish?

Jedit
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Black Helicopters

"Given many of his statements the one thing we can be sure of it isn't Google"

I don't know - Google said "Don't be evil", but they never mentioned anything about "Don't be a fucking idiot".

And if Oettinger has been critical of Google, who's going to listen to him now?

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Chappie: The AI tale that’s about heart, not intelligence

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"You'll also get reprises of implausible psychopaths with SA accents."

Yep, Ninja was playing himself apparently.

I decided against watching this movie when Die Antwoord were cast. Ninja is a thug and Yolandi has no discernible talent other than flashing her bush on stage. Happily Blomkamp discovered what a twat Ninja is during the filming and wrote him out of the end of the movie. Still, we didn't need a Short Circuit remake.

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Shove off, ugly folk, says site for people who love themselves

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Joke

"I was going for two possible matches. I'm sure you'll get it eventually."

What's the difference between BeautifulPeople.com and EpilepticPeople.com?

One has members taking fits...

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Boffins find Earth's earliest Homo in Ethiopian hilltop

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"the dinosaur was holding a placard with “Ban the Bomb” written on it"

That's Terry Pratchett's early sci-fi novel Strata, if anyone's wondering.

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Jedit
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"our dating methods are all wrong since nothing is older than 6,000 years."

I wish Young Earth Creationists used dating methods that were all wrong. If we could stop them dating they'd all die out.

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Frontier promises it won't 'dumb down' Elite: Dangerous for Xbox

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"Why there wasn't a 12 Years A Slave movie tie in for Elite is beyond me"

Probably it was due to the lack of spaceships in the antebellum American South. Which is just as well, really - given one Cobra MkIII the Confederacy might have won the war.

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£280k Kickstarter camera trigger campaign crashes and burns

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"or in the case of board games, you can end up getting it for down 30% of the price "

Just a note here: it's at least as common for KS board game backers to end up paying close to full price for their pledge, then watch everyone else pick up the game for 30% off RRP when it hits online retailers. That hasn't stopped me pledging for numerous board games, mind you, but let's not misrepresent the situation here.

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Ikea to start making electrified furniture. What could possibly go wrong?

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Angel

Another disappointing byline

Come on, El Reg - nobody thought of "IKEA to manufacture electric chairs"?

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Phabba-dabba-do: Samsung hypes up Galaxy S6 and S6 Edge

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"Who removes the phone battery because they are 'that' worried about being spied on?"

In the case of Samsung phones, the person who stole it. Otherwise it can be tracked with Dive.

A fixed battery is only really bad from the point of view of replacing faulty ones. I could live with that. It's the lack of microSD slot that means I, like so many others present, will be moving to a different manufacturer when the time comes to replace my S4.

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Facebook sad-nav: How to put depressed chums on internet suicide watch

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Joke

"what do I know? I'm just an idiot with a modem"

Dio, I'm looking for the "Report Suicidal Tendencies" button for this post but I can't find it. Does El Reg really care less than Facebook?

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

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Black Helicopters

"at least 34 of the uses being novels"

I maintain that Charles Stross is the real author of the BOFH stories. The style is remarkably similar to the Laundry Files, it's known that Bob Howard's middle names are Oliver Francis, and in the short story Pimpf he also has an assistant whose initials are PFY. If Simon Travaglia is not a pen name for Stross - and it means "one who has heard at work", so it surely is a pen name for someone - then Stross is very heavily inspired.

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SCREW YOU, BRITS: We're going through with UK independence ANYWAY – Scotland

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Headmaster

"From where did this brilliant notion spring?"

The Independence referendum 2014 and the Devo Max referendum of (IIRC) 1979 are no doubt two of the "three failed attempts". For the third, he could be referring to either Scotland's original independent status which they had to give up after the failure of the Darien Project, or the Jacobite War of 1744-45.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"As an American and an objective observer, does he actually believe that"

I don't think much of your observational skills, objective or otherwise, if you think Nicola Sturgeon is a man.

Minor correction to the article: the referendum was September 2014, not November.

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Want to find LOVE online? Make sure your name is high up in the alphabet

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Re: "Your plastic pal who's fun2bwith"

I wouldn't be surprised if the notional Miss Fun2bwith mentioned in my previous post was already partially comprised of plastic. However, some people don't require surgery to become artificial.

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Jedit
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"'Fun2bwith' [...] this type of name is universally attractive"

I must be abnormal, then, because "Fun2bwith" sounds to me like a bubbleheaded slapper with the attention span of a gnat on crack and I wouldn't even bother looking at their profile.

I wonder what handle the author of this paper goes by online? Could it be "Fun2bwith"?

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UN negotiations menaced by THOUSANDS of TOPLESS LADIES with MAYONNAISE

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"I found the story's accompanying stock photo somewhat disappointing."

Yeah, we came for topless ladies throwing mayonnaise, not topless ladies throwing stock!

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NO BRAIN needed to use Samsung's next flagship mobe

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Devil

"Today it is your telephone, tommorrow your sperm"

So if I don't pay to retain my sperm, they'll come and take it from me? Better send your nubile Korean ladies, Samsung - you're not getting a penny from me!

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Bitcoin trade biz MyCoin goes dark, investors fear $387 MEEELLION lost

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"Can anybody enlighten me..."

Greed.

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Boy, 16, cuffed after posting selfie with body of kid he allegedly killed

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"I imagine the 'hole' is not in their software, but part of the screen-shot ability "

The significant hole was in the kid this psycho shot.

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Swedish National Font marches to the sound of whalesong

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"Good grief, the kerning between the cap S and the v or w is horrid."

Not as bad as blue text on a yellow field. What's the national motto of Sweden - "Fuck The Colourblind"?

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SWELLING moons of ice dwarf Pluto snapped by NASA spy-probe

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"Honestly as a Yank I couldn't give a shit about Pluto and Eris either really"

This comes as no surprise - most Yanks couldn't give a shit about 95% of the planet they're standing on, let alone any others.

These celestial designations are silly and discriminatory. On a universal scale, we're all just a bunch of rocks huddling around the same fire.

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Questionable ads

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You will see Mr Grey now

Bumping rather than start a new thread: I just got attacked by an animated advert for Fifty Shades of Grey on the front page with some bloke taking his shirt off. Noisy adverts are one thing, but this one is straight up NSFW for a lot of people. Please remove it, before someone gets in trouble - I'd hate to not be able to read El Reg on my teabreak.

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China demands real names online, bans parody accounts and news article comments

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I feel obliged to comment

In the face of banning internet commentary, one has to keep the British end up.

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Google, Amazon 'n' pals fork out for AdBlock Plus 'unblock' – report

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WTF?

"Content producers need ads to survive."

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the efficacy and value of internet advertising was based on either page views or clickthroughs. If it's page views, then the content producer is paid based on the level of traffic to their site; it doesn't matter if I see the advert or not so long as I visit. If it's clickthroughs, then it doesn't matter if I see the advert or not if I don't visit the site being advertised - which I never do. Whichever it is, the hosting site does not lose money if I block the adverts.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Sizzling sag aloo

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"Chinese chefs are famous for making do with whatever ingredients are available "

I remember the Chinese chippy near my gran's house. Special fried rice had the usual diced pork and chicken and the odd prawn, peas, and an omelette on top. Much as I like a proper Chinese with the intended ingredients, I miss that sometimes.

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'Revenge porn' bully told not to post people's nude pics online. That's it. That's his punishment

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"This isn't revenge porn, surely. It's extortion isn't it?"

I was thinking that myself. Revenge porn is when you post nude pics or sex videos of an ex to get back at them. None of these women were ever involved with Brittain, so what's he taking revenge for?

(That's a rhetorical question, by the way. No doubt Brittain is of the mind that he's taking revenge on all women because none of them have ever been involved with him.)

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Facebook kills pic of Mohammed weeks after Zuck's Je suis Charlie!

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Flame

"If a country's laws are crap, it is up to that country's citizens to get them changed"

I'm sure the Saudis would love to hear your suggestions on how to change their laws when political parties are outlawed and you can be imprisoned and flogged for criticising the royal family who hold all positions of power.

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ZX81 BEATEN at last as dev claims smallest Chess code crown

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"remember how you had to get the RAM pack balanced just right?"

Yes, which is why DKTronics RAM packs came with a piece of Velcro to hold them on. They were also designed to run across the back of the ZX81, fitting to its shape. Very swish, much better than the official Sinclair components and (if memory serves) slightly cheaper, too.

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Fanbois to gamebois: Apple paperwork reveals iOS FUNPAD

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"you replace the screen, which in turn changes the game"

Lawsuit from Vectrex coming soon, then?

Joking aside, the first thing I thought of when I saw this was that iPad Arcade thing - the one where you dock the iPad in a mini arcade cabinet that has joystick and fire buttons for playing the games. It's exactly what this device is, just in a different shape.

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Facebook, Instagram, Tinder TITSUP*: HOW did anyone even find out?

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WTF?

Why do we care?

El Reg forums were up, weren't they?

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Chickpea stew à la Bureau des Projets Spéciaux

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Joke

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

El Reg evidently won't pay to have a garbanzo bean in their mouths.

(I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry!)

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NINETY new DOOM ASTEROIDS found in 2014

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Alien

"Rocks like these are where we should be spending billions of "Terror Threat" monies?"

Well, that depends on whether we can characterise the rocks as moons. If they can, and if someone can find an image of one of these moons presenting a left side crescent with a star just above and to the right of it, then I'm sure it will be identified as a terror threat on the spot.

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Tesla S P85+: Smiling all the way to the next charging point

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Headmaster

"what happens when the isolation breaks down and all that anti-matter goes off at once?"

I guess we'll never know.

No, seriously, we'll never know - we'll have been converted to pure energy and hence will not be cognisant of very much.

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Lonely this Xmas? Nerds, n00bs and no-hopers' guide to dating apps, Pt.1

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Paris Hilton

I particularly like "Fanny by Gas Light"

That's all well and good, but you still shouldn't be sending people pictures of it.

(Paris, because she knows this all too well.)

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Reviewed: LittleBigPlanet 3, Lara Croft's latest raid and more

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Headmaster

Not a comics fan?

The character in the first screenshot on page 2 is not the Caped Crusader, who is Batman. It's Bat-Mite, an Imp from the same dimension as Mr Mxyzptlk who idolises Batman and dresses up as him to fight crime.

I'm quite surprised that Bat-Mite appears in the game, even if it is heavily influenced by the West-era comics. He was very much a product of that era where Batman got silly for a while, and had hardly appeared for 15 years before he was all but completely retconned out of existence during the Crisis on Infinite Earths in 1985. (Which is why I don't blame you for not recognising him.)

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Twitter co-founder: 'I don’t give a SHIT if Instagram has more people looking at pretty pics'

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Stop

Swearwords in article titles

Guys, can you please not put swearwords in the titles of articles? I personally don't mind or care about the odd four-letter word, or indeed many of them, but employers often do. This case was particularly egregious as at time of typing the article is headlining, so the first thing I saw when I loaded up El Reg on my lunch break was "SHIT" in inch-high capital letters. I don't want to lose my workplace Reg-reading privileges...

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BOFH: Capo di tutti capi, bah. I'm having CHICKEN JALFREZI

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Alien

Can I borrow the BOFH's temporal compressor?

All three seasons of Deadwood alone come to 25 hours of television. I don't know about Arrested Development, but I somehow suspect it's longer. Having had a rare weekend with the TV to myself I still only managed to knock off Guardians of the Galaxy, The Wolf of Wall Street and a listen to the DTS-MA version of the new Pink Floyd album. It is most depressing.

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MP caught playing Candy Crush at committee meeting: I'll ‘try’ not to do it again

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Black Helicopters

"engaging in such a brain-dead moron-fodder activity."

When did puzzle games become moron fodder?

Anyway, this article fails to address the real issue. Candy Crush Saga only gives players one life every thirty minutes unless you make an IAP, when you get given two hours of unlimited lives. If Mills was seen playing the game over two and a half hours, he must have paid to do it - and if this was an officially issued device, it would be linked to a business account so he would have frittered away taxpayer's money to do it. We're all in this austerity lark together, are we?

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Rolling the ATTACK DICE in King of Tokyo

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Linux

"King of Tokyo is ok, provided you're only playing with a maximum of four."

We've never had problems with a player going out early in KOT or KONY - really the only way to get beaten quickly is to stay in Tokyo too long, and that is fixed in KONY by being able to heal from destroying military units. Most games have a steady decline for all players, with nobody going out until most players are at 3-5 health. It's usually only 10 minutes to the game end after that, maybe less.

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Boffins unearth the ultimate antique art - 500,000 years old

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Coat

I wish to complain about the title of this article

I am disappointed in its implication that if someone likes creating art, they must be a Homo.

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Google kills CAPTCHAs: Are we human or are we spammer?

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Paris Hilton

"Maybe what is needed is a combination of natural language processing and ethics"

But then how would lawyers, politicians and bankers get online?

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Legendary Brit physicist Stephen Hawking gets full Intel comms refresh

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Headmaster

"Complicated subject matters are not so easily explained in simple lay terms"

Verbosity and intelligence are not interchangeable. Abusing a thesaurus to cover up the intellectual void behind your words is the cheapest trick of the demagogue. Your first paragraph, for example, boils down to:

"I want to imply that I'm saying something clever and you don't understand it because you're stupid. Also I don't want you to actually understand what I'm saying, so I'm using big words to make you think it's important."

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Jedit
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Re: Ignorant and Intolerant Main Stream Media Provides Perfect Protective Cover ....

I heard Stephen Hawking lecture while he was still barely able to speak for himself. He was more easily understood than your post.

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Sinclair is back with the Spectrum Vega ... just as rubbish as the ZX

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Stop

Indiegogo Warning

It comes as no surprise to me that this project is using Indiegogo for the flexible funding option. This means the project runners will get your cash regardless of whether they meet their goal, making it a popular choice for scammers. Fake retro tech is one of the most common kinds of scam, so I strongly doubt this is on the level.

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Star Wars: Episode VII trailer lands. You call that a lightsaber? THIS is a lightsaber

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Headmaster

"what would stop an opponents lightsabre sliding down your light sabre to your wrist"

Lightsabres are modelled on Japanese swords, which also lack crossguards, but the samurai never had much problem with opponents sliding their blade down because when blades clash they become entangled by friction. If you know what you're doing, you can even prevent an opponent withdrawing their blade after a parry.

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El Reg reanimates Cash'n'Carrion merchandising tentacle

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"Must be regional since DPD are the best couriers IMHO"

Perhaps it is. But I can only go with what I know, and of around ten parcels I've had shipped to me by DPD only one has arrived on schedule. Because their local collection depot is inaccessible to me as a non-driver I have to be home for those deliveries, so all in all I've wasted at least a week's leave waiting for parcels that never arrived.

My experience with Royal Mail is also the opposite of yours. Their local sorting office is open until 7pm every weekday, 8pm Wednesday, and it even opens on Sunday. A lot of stuff also gets deposited at the local post office just down the street, which as part of a corner shop stays open until 6.30.

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Jedit
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"the web category "Gambling" is not allowed"

Ah, so El Reg will be shipping with DPD then.

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South Londoner wins Reddit MILLIONAIRE not-a-lottery lottery

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"Contracting is more lucrative than that!"

True, but contracting generally requires that you do some actual work - or at least, turn up and pretend to do some actual work. Collecting donations from Reddit can be done from the comfort of your own home.

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CERN's 2014 Xmas gift from the Large Hadron Collider: Two new baryons

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"it's the beauty quark that accounts for their mass being so high"

Someone needs to set up a dating site for single subatomic particles. "BBB (Big Beautiful Baryon) seeks gluon 35-45nm for romance, possible fusion. Do not mail if you are strange."

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

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Joke

Insecure cameras

Are those cameras that ask you if your bum looks big in the picture?

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