Beats me...

... Mary's been dead for years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah ... on my way already.

You'll love Saboteur, then

The signature move of the Sab is the Charge. They're a poison-class debuff that deals no damage, come in half a dozen flavours including stun, slow, bleed, armour reduction and AOE damage, and up to five of them in any combination can be stacked on a single target. Pick your victim, put up a stack on him without him noticing, then hit Detonate - KABOOM!

You can tell how much fun this is by visiting the official forums and looking at how many threads there are QQing about Sabs.

There are no rules except 34

I know (and have met in the flesh) a female member of Anonymous.

Paris, because like me, she is neither a member of Anonymous or an attractive woman.

Agreed - this reviewer should not be published again

This is probably the laziest review I've seen since I bought my first issue of Commodore User in 1984.

Miss Orr says she was just getting to areas that weren't dull brown when she gave up "the grind". Well, it's true the Defiant starter area is mostly dull brown. It's set immediately before the end of the world, and concludes with you being sent back in time to prevent the catastrophe.

However, when it ends you are sent to Freemarch. Freemarch has blue skies, sandy beaches, green fields, trees, farms and a big shiny city in the middle. It cannot be mistaken for anything dull and brown. If Miss Orr was only just getting to Freemarch when she gave up, then she spent at most one hour playing the game.

One hour. It probably took longer to write the review. And that should tell you how much Lucy Orr's opinion is worth.

One letter will be binned. Hundreds will be ...

... binned, one at a time.

Those sub-numbers..

If memory serves, the syntax is version dot mod dot revision. Or, in non-tech speak: software, things added to the software, bugfixes. The third part is optional, and software devs should be lauded when they're actually willing to admit how many times they've had to patch bugs in their code.

End of life

All EOL means to a manufacturer is when they stop making and selling it. Reputable manufacturers continue to support products for a time after this point.

Apple, of course, do not - because if they're not selling it, you're not buying it and if you're not buying it, they don't care.

s/"cost"/"phone"

Just a quick spellcheck on your post there, Rich.

It's her husband I feel sorry for

"I tried porn, but did not impale."

What happens when dust craps out the fan?

Why, then everyone knows you're the retard who would spring $700 for a penis extension GPU but is too cheap to spend $20 on a PC vacuum and too lazy to spend two minutes every six months using it.

Oh, and you get your PC's picture put on El Reg for free next time there's a Disgustingly Grotty Computer compo.

Blade Runner 2: Replicant Shite

BR2 ties into the film in the same way that the porn remake of Pirates of the Carribean ties into Cutthroat Island. For starters, Jeter made JR Isidore and J.F. Sebastian separate characters appearing in the book, despite Sebastian being a) a renamed Isidore and b) dead. It's one of the worst sequels ever written; even the author has apologised for his shameful lack of research.

Still not the worst Robin Hood

You appear to have forgotten that in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Kevin Costner and Morgan Freeman ride from Dover to Nottingham in a day ... via Hadrian's Wall.

That's what NGP stands for...

"No Goddamned Point"

(Before you ask, "iPhone" stands for "Inferior Product, Hugely Overpriced Nad Extension".)

Well, what did you expect?

He IS a schoolboy.

Enough to make you immigrate

So the worse it gets, the more likely you are to move to Britain?

What?

If you've never had to upgrade your bookcase, then you don't own enough books.

So...

... like Apple called their OS "OS" and trademarked it, then?

Er, no

Cars aren't designed to drift into the outside. Roads are designed to drift all uncontrolled objcts to the outside. Look up "camber" and you'll understand.

The better analogy is not buying a car that drifts to the outside of the road if the wheel isn't properly held, it's buying a car that drifts out because the wheel CANNOT be properly held.

Or...

... because it's a Bootnote, it could have no IT angle at all.

Paris, because she's all angles.

An interesting supposition?

According to Maslow's hierarchy, food and water are on the same level as excretion. If use of an iPhone is more important than excretion, then perhaps it has become an interesting suppository?

Either way, with Cook saying that using an iPhone is more important than using the lavatory, we now have an official statement from a senior Apple representative to the effect that iPhone users are full of shit.

Mortal Kombat without the gore

So, the Nintendo version then?

As the Crypt Keeper used to say...

Irony. It's good for your blood.

Heh heh heh!!!

Because they can't, you moron

One more time for the slow of thinking: the terms of the agreement prohibit jacking up your in-app prices to cover the 30% Apple take from you. The choice the company faces is losing 30% of the gross to Das Apfelreich or passing on a 42% price increase to its customers. In the world of the imbecilic fanboi, neither of these choices is bad for companies. In the real world, both these choices will cost companies more money than simply abandoning the App Store.

The other way around

I think we'd all prefer a world that is slightly more dangerous and much more free than one that is slightly more free and much more dangerous.

Yeah, yeah... I'm going...

Give a man a fish...

One night in a motel and dinner at a restaurant will come to $50 no trouble. So if just 1000 people who would otherwise not have gone to Detroit come to visit the statue and have their photo taken, Detroit will be better off than if that $50k had been spent on anything else.

Give a man a fish, and he's fed for a day. Let him put up a seven foot statue of Robocop arresting a fish, and ... well, he's maybe not fed for life, but he'll be fed for a bit longer.

Paris, because she's always willing to put the grip on your cods for one night.

The internet is for porn

And due to this connection, any story about porn must by extension have an IT angle.

Missing the point

If Amazon do this, they are required to charge no more on their own site than they do on the Apple Store. So a £10 sale on Amazon.co* is £10 to Amazon, but the same £10 sale on the Apple Store is £7 to Amazon and £3 to Das Apfelreich. Sure, there's nothing stopping you browsing over to Amazon to buy other than laziness - but people like convenience and to the customer it's the same price wherever they go, so why would they bother? There's no reason to do it unless you want to deny Apple your money, and if you wanted to do that you wouldn't have bought an iPhone in the first place.

Commentard admits error

Tomorrow's top Reg headline?

Never going to happen...

... "vocabulary" has ten letters, and Countdown Conundrums only have nine.

You got that far down?

Don't Look Now - set and filmed almost entirely in Venice, and starring an American and a woman born in India who lived less than 10 years of her life in Britain - is the best British movie ever?

Neither

They're in the kebab!

The last independent MP?

That would be Richard Taylor, elected to Wyre Forest in 2001 and re-elected in 2005. I would have said Caroline Lucas, elected to Brighton Pavilion for the Green Party last May, but you didn't say an MP not of the main parties.

No, you didn't

I don't know if every council does as has elsewhere been claimed, but I know for a fact that Aberdeenshire and Aberdeen City Councils both offer ePub book rental services.

And of course you have to be a member of the library to take books out. But as this is free, you'd be hard pressed to find a good and sane reason to want to take e-books out without joining.

I expect your absolute and unquestioning mirth

A doctor a day keeps the Apple away!

"Who died and made them God?"

Well, according to Nietzsche that would be God.

Best feature of the Kindle?

Has to be the fact that all the books I buy for it take up zero bookshelf space. Some of mine are double-stacked, and I've still run out of both shelf space and walls to add further shelves to. I'll accept a few misplaced hyphens in exchange for not needing to extend my house.

And because LogMeIn are legit...

... the correct way of dealing with these scammers is to follow their instructions until they give you the LogMeIn code, then pass that code onto LogMeIn with a note that it's being used by the scammers. They know about the scam, and they will shut down the offending accounts. For preference, let the scammer know that you've done this and why, and that they are now out of a job.

Of course, I'm now getting calls from the filth who want you to get your malware directly from their fake site hosted in Lagos, but you can always ask your ISP to blacklist it.

One out of three is bad

Ah, yes, better Spectrum games like Head Over Heels and Jack the Nipper ... both of which were available for the C64 and, if memory serves, were written on the C64 and converted to the Spectrum.

Oops.

Excuse me?

You seriously think that Kick-Ass and Bad Lieutenant were terrible bullshit movies?

Is this the same Apple...

... whose "fully rounded product" wasn't correctly designed for the human hand?

LG may have fallen short of perfection here, but at least when trying to design a wonderful, stylish phone they realised that the "phone" part was the most important.