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* Posts by Jedit

866 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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Toshiba outs 7in Android 3.2 tablet

Jedit
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FAIL

"No benefit apart from watching movies"

So you don't think that watching movies (and also TV these days) would be one of the most obvious and common uses for a portable device with a decent sized screen and media browser?

The second common use for tablets is to read digital magazines. While magazines do usually use paper sizes with the standard sqrt(2):1 ratio, digital editions don't need to use the outside margins because the purpose is served by the tablet frame and they also dont need to use the gutter except on two-page splashes. Excluding the margins moves the ratio closer to 1.78:1 than to 1.33:1, making widescreen the better choice for display.

The third main use of tablets is for web browsing, which involves looking at content designed for PC monitors. As nearly all new monitors are widescreen these days, a sensible site designer will at the very least make his page compatible with both 4:3 and 16:9 formats, and he may even design it primarily for 16:9 display.

In summary: 16:9 format is at least as good as 4:3 for every main use of a tablet, and in most cases will be better.

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Apple loses bid to trademark 'multi-touch'

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Stop

Patent time!

*cough*

As for patenting "app store", it's like patenting "chip shop". Apple should be told to fuck off ... and that can't be patented either, as French Connection UK were told when they tried to claim sole rights to putting the letters F, C, U and K on clothing in any order as a single word.

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Virtual cloud monkeys go bananas writing Shakespeare

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Use of manatees to write Family Guy episodes

This project will commence when they feel the urge to increase the quality of the writing.

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Display defect may crimp iPhone 5 shipments

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Not to defend Apple...

... but the reason they have sporadic product releases is because they only release new products sporadically. Are you perhaps talking about waves of stock intake?

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Attention metal thieves: Buy BT, get 75 MILLION miles of copper

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FAIL

Try reading the post first

He said "last month", not "in perpetuity". So, try searching for "Manchester riots" and see exactly how many stories you find about gangs of 100 people roaming the streets stealing everything that wasn't nailed down after first stealing the nails.

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Brit ISPs shift toward rapid pirate website blocking

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Boffin

"Peter ... I can see your house from up here."

The ISPs are actually selling you the knife with no knowledge that you plan to use it to stab anyone. They are still being held responsible for selling it, though, you are right there.

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@AC 17:04 220911

ISPs may know where data is being sent from and to without having to look at it, but they still do not know what it is. They don't even know that it is illegal just because it's P2P traffic - for example, it's possible to patch World of Warcraft through the Blizzard Downloader without receiving a single byte from Blizzard themselves.

Also, due to VPNs and IP spoofing, an ISP cannot definitively prove the source or destination of its traffic. So, you fail again.

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Apple sued for iPhone, iPad chip 'patent rip-off'

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Pirate

I'm not

But only because Thomas Edison is dead. When it comes to stealing other people's ideas and passing them off as their own, Apple have *nothing* on Edison.

In fact, they stole the idea from him.

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Jedit
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Trollface

"Apple ... could always come up with their own method"

Dear Sir,

You appear to have forgotten to put the troll icon on your post. Here, have one from me. Unless Apple have patented it, of course, in which case that will be £50,000 settlement fee and £5,000 for use of icon, plus you must show Apple the next six icons you plan to use on posts. You have also incurred £170,000 in legal fees payable to ourselves, remittance to be made within 28 days.

Yours,

Jedit, Jedit, Jedit and Jedit

Patent Lawyers

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Samsung-Apple patent lawsuit tally hits 21, and counting

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Headmaster

We already know what happens

1) Apple go out of the phone business.

2) Everyone else stops suing everyone else.

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Samsung may try to block next iPhone in Europe too

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FAIL

Free Clue

Apple have more cash in the bank than the US government.

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FAIL

"I doubt you have seen a Galaxy phone"

*takes his out of his pocket*

*looks at it*

Nope, sorry, I can tell that it's not an iPhone. The big logo at the top, the rectangular home button, the illuminated menu and back buttons and the fact that I'm not a twat are the significant clues.

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Jedit
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Mushroom

So what you're saying is..

... that if you remove all the incredibly obvious differences between the Galaxy S2 and the iPhone, the S2 would look JUST LIKE AN iPHONE!!!!??? My God! How did I not see it before?

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Jedit
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Apple aren't going to do that

Because they know that they can't win. This isn't a swipe at the quality of iProducts; it's inevitable that the major companies who are in competition both with each other and with Apple are going to put more effort into innovating than Apple can, if only because five heads are better than one.

Apple have thus far been able to maintain their strong grasp on the smartphone market because of their monolithic approach - don't have a range of products that do different things, have one that does everything - but now HTC, Samsung et al have caught up, Apple can no longer call the tune. The only way they can maintain their market share now is to prevent other companies entering the market.

As for the Samsung lawsuit, I believe it's a bluff. They don't expect the judgement to be passed, but when it isn't, they can use that as another lever to have the rulings against the Galaxy range struck down.

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Prosecutor calls poker site 'global Ponzi scheme'

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FAIL

Poker isn't gambling

Not if done right, anyway. It certainly has no house odds.

Anyone know if the Christopher Ferguson mentioned in the article is Chris "Jesus" Ferguson? I really hope not - bad enough to see a name as big as Howard Lederer involved, but a past WSOP Main Event champion as well would be a major black mark on the game's reputation.

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Samsung preps anti-iPhone 5 lawsuit before it's even out

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Joke

Well...

... they *did* say "so long as it has any form of telecommunications capability". That would give the iPhone 4 a pass.

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Star Wars: The Complete Saga Blu-ray disc set

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Joke

No, only one grocer was using them

And if more than one grocer is using them, it's "grocer's apo'strophe's".

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FAIL

"CD's have a built in 10 year limit"

Stop talking rubbish. I have CDs on my rack that I've owned for twice that long, and they still work fine. I bought my first DVD in 1999; that disc still works, and the only disc I've ever had stop working did so because of physical damage.

Moral: never believe anything you hear from someone who uses grocer's apostrophes.

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Jedit
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Boffin

Blaster bolts don't move at light speed

If they did, they'd be visible as a beam rather than a bolt.

I believe there's some handwaving explanation about them actually being vaguely plasma based, or something similar.

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Jedit
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You clearly haven't seen Vader's "No"

If you had, you would realise that it wrecks the scene. As originally presented, Vader's emotional dilemma is made obvious through Dave Prowse's body language. Vocalising it strips away any requirement for subtlety of characterisation. Nothing plotwise has changed, but in terms of quality of presentation it's the sonic equivalent of taking a flying scene from Superman and putting the wires back in.

(BTW, you don't have to be an "obsessed fanboi" to believe that Han originally shot first, because it's blatantly fucking obvious that he did.)

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PayPal to move into the shop - without cards or NFC

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Yes, that is how you use the past tense

However, as the use of self-operated checkouts at Safeway and other supermarkets is contemporary, the present tense is correct.

Your user name is most apt - you are indeed *our* retarded. Though to be a bit of a grammar pedant, in English you would actually say "your retard" or "your retarded person". Hope that helps.

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Jedit
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IT Angle

I don't think about who to trust with my piss...

But I've thought about what I'm willing to trust PayPal with.

The IT angle? The forward slash, obviously.

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Megaphone

No, they aren't a bank anywhere

But they act like they are.

I wouldn't trust PayPal with a drop of piss, let alone money.

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Scientists discover Tatooine-style world 200 lightyears off

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FAIL

Unless, of course...

... the two suns aren't precisely the same size and the same distance from the planet.

Losing your son to ego is unfortunate, but getting dropped in it yourself due to having not even a basic understanding of perspective is just downright embarrassing. And slapping a boffin icon on it makes it worse.

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Winter for webOS, winter for Droid, but springtime for iPad!

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Mushroom

Only 20,000 Tabs sold

Mainly because Apple had it made illegal to sell the other 480,000. Nice of you to admit that Apple are trying to sue anyone who releases a genuine competitor product out of business, though.

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Lincs bloke fined in deceased hedgehog outrage

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"In the absence of a decent picture"

It worries me that you think this story would have been a lot more pleasant had it contained a high quality picture of a man crapping on a deceased spiky rodent.

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Minister seeks to rip 'Like' buttons off German gov web

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Boffin

Why government departments have Facebook pages

Apparently, it's because 7,856 people like them.

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Rubbing an iPhone on your face won't cure acne - FTC

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Joke

All threads on El Reg have erectile dysfunction

Or at least, none of them have been made sticky.

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Jedit
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FAIL

Fanboi logic. It does not resemble our Earth logic.

So, if I can afford an iPhone but am clever enough to buy Android, that means I have *less* money to spend? Really? Surely if I can afford an iPhone but buy something cheaper instead, then I have more money to spend. Even if I'm shopping within my budget, I'm still just as liquid as the iPhone user who can just about afford one - if not more so, as many Android apps are cheaper. Your entire assertion is thus based on the presumption that iPhone owners earn considerably more than Android owners. I can disabuse you of this notion by spending an hour on a city bus route.

Also, I can buy apps from the market with a single click, using an account that works in just the same way as an iTunes account. (And Apple move the litigation drive to sue factor 7.)

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IT Angle

Social surveying at its finest

Both Android and iPhone users fell for the scams, but more than three times as many iPhone users got scammed for twice as much.

(The IT angle? You can't spell "zit" without "IT".)

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Hacker defaces Irish Catholic paper: 'Gotta love false hope'

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Nobody has the "right" to be free from mockery

Especially anonymous cowards who evidently can't count to three.

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Onkyo TX-NR609 AV network receiver

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I'm afraid Billy Bremner beat you to it

Speakers on the ceiling, speakers on the door

Speakers on the dashboard, speakers on the floor

I'm surprised you haven't realised that having a visual cue alters how we interpret sounds. For instance, when a car drives past on screen and goes out of the left edge of the shot, we instinctively expect the sound to proceed from front left to rear left as in real life, the car would now be behind us.

Music alone doesn't have that issue; we expect it to come from a static point, which as an audience is generally in front of us. You're still wrong about the hi-fi world settling for two speakers, though; quadrophonic systems have been around forever, for the same reason as 5.1 and 7.2 sound systems exist in cinemas (and I'm glad you've never heard of 22.2) - immersion. Having speakers in front and behind puts you in the middle of the music.

As for why you want two subwoofers: I believe the explanation is that a bi-directional system generates the bass more evenly, providing a smoother effect. (Of course you can also crank them both up to full power and destroy your enemies, assuming you do not live on a geological fault line.)

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Jedit
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Boffin

Q Acoustics 2000

I use a Q Acoustics 1000 set with my Onkyo 608, which were What Hi-Fi's best budget buy pretty much until the 2000 series replaced them.

The 2000 series can be bought as a 5.1 pack for around £500 - sub, centre speaker and four satellites. The satellites are small enough to use as rear surround if you fancy 7.1, so you can buy either an extra pair of satellites for around £110 or a pair of the floorstanding speakers (2020 or 2030, I forget which) for ~£160.

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Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

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Nope

It's happened at work on IE7/WinXP and at home on Firefox 6/Win7, so it's neither hardware nor software.

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Jedit
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Boffin

A good start

Now, how about making it so you only have to log in once to post? Every time I enter the forums I see "You are logged in as $NAME", but below that there is the usual email and password box that must also be logged in through before I can post.

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appToyz appBlaster

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Hence my saying "as designed". Redesigning the product not to use hammers would also require re-programming every available app.

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Jedit
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Ah ... now I have to drop the other shoe

You're not much more likely to see appBlaster 2.0 on Android - in fact, as designed it could never work on Android. The reason it works on iOS is because every iOS phone is the same size. Android devices come with a variety of screen sizes and formats, so the touchscreen controls would be of different sizes and in different places relative to the hammers.

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Jedit
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FAIL

What mistake?

iproducts are just computers and apps are just code. It's wholly obvious that iOS should be able to run such apps. You should have realised that when you said "I've jailbroken my iPad so I can do it", you also said that if you hadn't jailbroken it, then you couldn't. That is why Apple are behind in the game; because they DON'T let you run these apps, not because their products CAN'T run them.

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Battery deal points to thinner, lighter iPad 3

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Don't be an idiot

The iPad 3 is a forthcoming product which is expected to have new features. Do you perhaps expect a dedicated technology news site to not post news about such things?

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Nearing iPhone 5 launch prompts operator action

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Headmaster

Apples and Oranges

Non-Apple phone buyers switch brands because the best phone on the market with the features they want is not always made by the same company. Nokia and Samsung and HTC and Motorola and Sony Ericsson are in competition; that pushes each of them forward in an attempt to be better than their rivals - or at least provide a unique selling point that people will want - and hence win the sales.

Apple phone buyers do exactly the same thing, except instead of buying the best phone on the market they buy the best iPhone on the market.

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Jedit
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You forgot some of the content

... "and that fanbois are still queuing up to buy them even though they do not know how much the iPhone 5 will cost or if it will have specs any better than the iPhone 4 they already undoubtedly have".

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Low blow: Phishers target student loan applicants

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Mushroom

What natural assumption?

Nobody is assuming that students are somehow intelligent enough to detect phishes at will. What is the point is that if you don't have a sufficient grasp of English to know the proper usage of "is" and "are", then you should not be going to university in the UK.

(NB: this doesn't automatically exclude foreign students, as many of them speak English better than our own students do these days. Which is not surprising, as under their inferior education systems they actually have to learn subjects to an acceptable standard to get a passing grade.)

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Apple's ex-cop and the case of the lost iPhone 5

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Joke

I just thought of a great advert strapline for the iPhone 5

"We have ways of making you talk."

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DNS hijack hits The Register: All well

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Pint

Silly Drew...

... why didn't you just blame the Turkish hackers for the missing links?

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Apple girds loins for 'obscene iPad sales surge'

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More expensive?

I do not deny that some tablets are in the same price range as the heilPad - Galaxy Tab 10.1, I'm looking at you - but I've yet to see one that was more expensive at the same capacity. Care to cite?

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"People don't want tablets, they want iPads"

Spelling error there: I'm sure it meant to say "People don't want expensive devices of minimal/specialist use, they want *heinously* expensive devices of minimal/specialist use with an Apple logo on the back".

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Ohio man cuffed for shagging inflatable pool raft

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Joke

With apologies to Olivia Newton-John

And only say that you'll be mine

In no other's arms entwine

But you can't - you're a lilo

Down by the banks of the Ohio!

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NHS diabetic gizmo will text for help if wearer is in danger

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Lack of sympathy is not lack of empathy

I have also seen insulin levels go awry, in my case first hand, because I've been a Type 1 diabetic for 13 years. And yes, sometimes I would like to have a couple of drinks or a Snickers bar, so I do empathise with the poster in that regard. But I don't actually go out and *have* those drinks or that chocolate, because to properly control my condition I have to practice self-control. As a result, in 13 years I've had only one major incident - an attack of diabetic ketoacidosis in December 2009 triggered by the flu - and no long term damage.

I have no sympathy for people who ignore their doctor's advice and jeopardise their own health, nor should I be expected to. Apparently this makes me an idiot - but as I'm an idiot who has no impairment to his sight and no nerve damage, and plans to stay that way until a cure is found, I consider myself ahead of the game.

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FAIL

Such a gadget already exists

It's called a "brain" and reputedly, it comes as standard on humans.

If your wife hadn't come downstairs then someone would still have written your post - as your well-deserved nomination for a Darwin Award. Did you not listen when the endocrinologist told you to drink alcohol only occasionally and always in moderation? NOTHING screws up your blood sugar levels like alcohol, while at the same time it impairs your ability to notice the symptoms.

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Graphene photocells could mean hyper-speed internet

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No doubt there's a joke I'm missing here

I mean, it couldn't be that you're laughing at a collection of syllables which carry no humour in spelling or pronunciation merely because they're in another language.

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