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* Posts by Jedit

796 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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iPad accessorizer gets into Bernie Madoff's pants

Jedit
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IT Angle

Huh?

I thought it was Frederick Jones who was putting rags on his favourite Jobs toys?

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Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

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Others may disagree

I find this comment deeply ironic, given that Apple have just had the courts bar the sale of the Tab 10.1 in Europe because they compared it to the iPad 2.

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Sky wins TV riot battle

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FAIL

Riots in Manchester...

... that were also reported on Sky News a few hours after you posted, because they actually did happen. Here's a link to a story with a picture of Miss Selfridge on Market Street in flames:

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/871882-manchester-riots-see-arndale-centre-targeted-as-uk-chaos-spreads

Care to reappraise your assessment of the BBC's fail?

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Jedit
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Alert

Only in video

Around 0030 the BBC had live audio reporting from a Guardian reporter who was not only on the ground but undercover among the rioters and looters, calling in what he was seeing from his mobile. When it comes to big swinging balls of steel, that guy made the robot in Transformers 2 look like two peas at the foot of Nelson's Column. If he'd been caught out, I wouldn't give a tuppenny damn for his chances.

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RunPee

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Coat

"Increment current time"?

Shouldn't that be "excrement current time"?

Mine's the one with the stoma pouch and catheter in the pocket...

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HP Envy 17 3D Core i7 laptop

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Paris Hilton

Similar specs?

Why would you need specs at all with the non-3D version?

(Paris, because she's used to objects springing out and almost poking her in the eye.)

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Hackers breach chocolate recipe on Hershey website

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Angel

It'd have to be Goods Inwards

... because if it was Goods Outwards, they still wouldn't have noticed the hack.

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PlayStation phone prices plunge

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Price drop?

I suspect it has less to do with the 3DS price cut and more to do with the fact that the phone is apparently a bit of a dog to play games on.

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Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

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FAIL

Blue Sky thinking

"The majority of licence fee payers do not watch F1"

True. This is something F1 coverage has in common with literally every other program on the air. By your logic, therefore, the BBC should not make or purchase the rights to any programming at all.

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Boffin

Yes, we need those people

There's no fat to cut from the commentary team. The three-man pundit squad is set up ideally: as an outsider to the sport Jake Humphries asks the questions we would be thinking of, and he's teamed with an ex-driver and a former team boss who between them can answer anything he might ask.

During the race we have two commentators, Brundle and Coulthard, extremely experienced drivers with over 400 Grand Prix starts and 28 years of F1 experience; between them, they don't miss much. Ted Kravitz covers pitstops and pit lane information, which is a full time job as that info is crucial to determining race strategies, while Lee Mackenzie is there to relay knowledge of on-track incidents and interview any drivers who retire. It's all important for completing the package.

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Jedit
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It's better than that

The Concorde Agreement, which is not yet up for review, requires that Formula 1 races cannot be exclusive to pay channels. Ecclestone has broken that agreement, and now every team in F1 has the right to withdraw.

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Isolated human genes can be patented, US court rules

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Trollface

I wonder...

... will Apple claimed to have designed human DNA, then sue the human race for imitating the look and feel of their product? After all, what use is half an i?

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Who needs a million NFC tags?

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Samsung

The noise is that the US version of the Galaxy SII will be NFC-enabled.

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Intel: Apple has online app sales exactly backwards

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Joke

Jokes are funnier without spelling mistakes

For instance, in yours you consistently spell "Apple" I-N-T-E-L. Better fix that next time.

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Police arrest alleged LulzSec hacker 'topiary' in Scotland

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Angel

Some houses on Shetland have a postcode all to themselves

He's going to be out of luck if he tries claiming it was his neighbour using his connection/

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Anonymous, LulzSec go legit with PayPal boycott

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FAIL

Nochex

Game over, BitCoin seller.

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One-third of US consumers will buy an iPhone 5

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FAIL

I want to live in your universe

You know, the one where iPhones cost less than $250.

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Sorry, time travelers, you’re still just fiction

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FAIL

Yes...

... but by the 13th century, people in the West believed it was flat again. Until a theory is definitively proven or disproven, it will go in and out of vogue.

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The Lord of the Rings Trilogy: Blu-ray extended edition

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Boffin

A note on the extras

It wasn't mentioned in the review, but the extras in this box (including the commentaries) are the same as those in the original DVD extended edition sets. All this box set does is upgrade the movies to full HD and 6.1 sound.

That said, the upgrade is very much worth it if you have an AV rig that can handle it.

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X-COM UFO: Enemy Unknown

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Headmaster

You missed one

Well, two actually - Chaos and its sequel, Lords of Chaos. LoC was if anything even better than Laser Squad: you were able to choose the units for your side on the fly and also use a variety of powerful direct attacks and board changing effects, but the more units you had, the less power you had left to use combat spells.

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Vote now for the juiciest LOHAN backronym

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Joke

FOIA request

Is it Vladimir Poutine?

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Mole says Apple A5 chip runs too hot for iPhone

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WTF?

Unrelated part of the business?

Since when was Samsung's department that designs mobile phones unrelated to the department that designs mobile phone components?

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Official: Pastafarian strainer titfer is religious headgear

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FAIL

"The science of dianetics"

I can only presume you meant to type "the bullshit fabricated to sucker in morons and people with severe self-esteem issues of dianetics"? Easy mistake to make, the keys are right next to each other.

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Airport screener stuffs stolen iPad into (own) trousers

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Headmaster

Well, no, Hardcastle, it couldn't

Because "educationally subnormal" is two words, not three. Anyone who isn't educationally subnormal knows that, and so would never use "ESN" as an acronym to describe people who are.

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Apple orders millions of iPhone 5s for September release

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Mushroom

What obsession?

I picked up my first Android phone a couple of months ago. It's neat, I like it - but as a novice smartphone user it's not easy for me to get the most out of the OS. An iPhone may in fact have been the better choice for me in that respect. Also, if I pick up a tablet it's likely to be an iPad as I would be using it for magazine subscriptions and boardgaming, and some of the things I want just aren't available for Android devices. So I'm far from an Android fanboy as you suggest.

However, I am not going to pay over the odds simply because a given device is a fashion accessory. Nor, given a choice, would I buy a product from a company whose public face has said that "iPod users would rather be mugged than have people not know they have an iPod" - yes, that is a genuine quote - and that when their handheld device didn't work properly when held naturally, blamed the design of the human hand. All big companies are arrogant, but Apple's arrogance is consummate.

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Jedit
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Holmes

Apple fans don't read Android threads for a reason

Ask a fundamentalist Christian if he's ever read a given book on philosophy, theology, ethics or morality, and nine times out of ten he will reply "I don't need to read that, the Bible tells me everything I need to know". Ask an Apple fanboi if he's ever looked at the specs, software, style or cost of a non-Apple phone, and nine times out of ten he will reply "I don't need to read that, I have my iPhone and I'm happy".

The blind faithful rarely have interest in anything but the object of their faith.

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Gimp

"the iphone 4 is the best smartphone ive used to date."

Fanboi to English translation: "The iPhone 4 is the most recent Apple smartphone."

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ANONYMOUS: Behind the mask, inside the Hivemind

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FAIL

The co-conspirators of Guy Fawkes?

That would be Robert Catesby, Thomas and Robert Wintour, Robert Keyes, John Grant, Francis Tresham, Robert and Thomas Winter, John and Christopher Wright, Thomas Percy, Sir Ambrose Rookwood, Sir Everard Digby and Thomas Bates. I can also spell "conspirators" and "Fawkes".

Anonymous protesters don't wear the Guy Fawkes mask because the Gunpowder Plotters were anonymous. They wear it because the character V in "V For Vendetta" wore it, and the most important thing about V is that it didn't matter who he was.

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Stieg Larsson: Oxfam's number one best seller

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Headmaster

Discworld is not on the list...

... because Discworld novels actually have resale value - second hand bookshops know they can pass them through as fast as they come in, so offer more than the usual tuppence-ha'penny a book.

On the other hand, I see almost as many Harry Potter novels in charity shops as I do Twilight. People tend to lose their love of Harry Potter when they discover there are books not written by JK Rowling.

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Wimbledon grunters turned down by viewers

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FAIL

Navratilova

Moron.

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Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

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Thumb Up

Farewell Sarah ...

... and all say "Hi!" to Jude the Obscurer.

(PS: Where do I forward marriage proposals to Sarah Bee?)

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Bloke ordered to remove offensive numberplate

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FAIL

Yes? And? So?

Hey, you know what else? BR27 GRD is probably on the road too, like many other inoffensive combinations of letters and numbers.

BA57 ARD almost certainly is *not* on the road, though.

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Pint

I'm afraid not

Many years ago, my mother saw a car with registration PEN 48S and asked who had PEN 1S. She was informed that this plate was not available. A humourless bunch, the DVLA.

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Apple's next iPhone planned for September, says report

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Headmaster

Bilge, indeed

Bilgepipe, many fanbois routinely buy out their contracts when a new iTeration is released and sell on their old handset to cover the cost. This does happen with other handsets too, but more commonly with iPhones because the Apple sticker (Applestika?) on the back represents about 40% of the handset's price and it doesn't depreciate.

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FAIL

Who replaces their phone every year?

That would be Apple fanbois, I believe.

However, I have not downvoted your post because your point about comparative advancement speeds is fair and valid, if not 100% accurate - some advances are available in two generations of smartphones before the iPhone catches up.

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Hacker wrists slapped for stealing Lady Gaga songs

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IT Angle

Credits, huh? That means a lot

Elvis also got a writing credit on a lot of his songs, but he never wrote a song in his life. It was done to get him (well, Colonel Tom) a bigger share of the money.

Also, whether she was involved in the writing or not, I'd be loath to describe her repetitive garbage as "songs".

The IT angle? That would be the auto-tuning software.

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Microsoft warns on support scams

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Black Helicopters

I don't think so

If they have your telephone number then they can get your home address easily, of course, and I'm sure there's a way to query a telephone number to get the active IP on that line.

Can anyone provide an exemplar of someone being called by these scammers who does not have any kind of internet connection?

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Jedit
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Pirate

Time is money

If you take a scammer all the way through his spiel before you let him know you're wise to him, then you have reduced the number of people who can be scammed by one. For the expense of 10 or 15 minutes of your time, you have caused the scammer to lose anywhere from the £50 "premium service" scam fee up to the thousands that can be pillaged from someone's bank account. If all of us reading did it just three or four times, they would lose millions.

So yes, I do consider wasting their time to be a profitable use of mine.

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A sysadmin's top ten tales of woe

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Boffin

The voltage toggle switch...

... is recessed because it would only be operated BY a tool.

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Jedit
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Number 9

Didn't some fired sysadmin recently face criminal charges for refusing to turn over passwords to company machinery?

My own tale of woe:

"I turned on my PC and it went bang, now it won't turn on."

"OK ... you pushed the button on the front and it went bang?"

"No, the switch on the back."

"The rocker switch with 0 and 1 on it?"

"No, the sliding switch..."

For those familiar only with modern power supplies, that would be the switch toggling the PSU between running at 115V and 230V. "Bang", indeed.

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IATA: this iPad could BRING DOWN A PLANE

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Joke

International terrorism?

There's an app for that!

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Go Daddy to sell .xxx domains

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Big Brother

Rational people can't explain anything to morons, AC

.xxx is a bad idea for the adult industry because if they were forced to use it, any and all ISPs could instantly block all porn sites from their customers. They are upset with it for precisely the same reason Jews and homosexuals were upset when the Nazis forced them to wear yellow stars and pink triangles.

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Apple pilfers rips off student's rejected iPhone app

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Facepalm

"If Apple were evil, the product owners would complain"

Yes, and Scientology can't possibly be evil because Scientologists don't complain about it constantly. It's all people who have never been part of the brainwashing cult and have no intention ever to be part of it, plus a few ex-Scientologists, who are giving the magical and revolutionary Church of L Ron Hubbard a bad name.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

He wouldn't get a penny

Because Android at least already has wireless syncing built in. The market for the iPhone app only exists because iOS is a shabby piece of crap.

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Bloke drives with knees while manipulating two mobes

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Coat

A most impressive feat

Using two mobiles simultaneously AND sticking two fingers up at everyone at the same time? A man who is capable of that is perfectly capable of controlling a car without using his hands.

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Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

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Headmaster

Pedantically speaking...

... a cock is a phallus whenever it's long enough to dangle, hard or soft. You're propagating a phallusy.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

Beats me...

It's not a good analogy, though, as Cnut ordered the tide to go out as a demonstration to his lords that there were limits to man's power. The Tories have no such delusions of realism.

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New 'liquid smart metal' can go hard or floppy

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Holmes

"No more Viagra spam"

You have plans to dip your wang in acid and fill the holes with saline solution, then?

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Chinese teen flogs kidney to buy iPad

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Gimp

You forgot to add...

"Posted from my iPhone"

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New Sony hack exposes more consumer passwords

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WTF?

Got an e-mail about this the other day

Was told that the PSN was back online and that users were receiving 45 days free credit as an apology for the outage.

Funny thing is, I don't own a PlayStation and never have, nor have I ever looked at, requested information on or (God forbid) had an account on PSN.

The even funnier thing, though, is that in the source code all the links and headers appeared to be legit - none of the usual "www.sony.com that turns out to be www.sony.returns.com" tricks. I didn't click on them anyway, of course, but either scammers are getting incredibly clever or Sony don't know who their own customers are.

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