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* Posts by Jedit

831 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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appToyz appBlaster

Jedit
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Ah ... now I have to drop the other shoe

You're not much more likely to see appBlaster 2.0 on Android - in fact, as designed it could never work on Android. The reason it works on iOS is because every iOS phone is the same size. Android devices come with a variety of screen sizes and formats, so the touchscreen controls would be of different sizes and in different places relative to the hammers.

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Jedit
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FAIL

What mistake?

iproducts are just computers and apps are just code. It's wholly obvious that iOS should be able to run such apps. You should have realised that when you said "I've jailbroken my iPad so I can do it", you also said that if you hadn't jailbroken it, then you couldn't. That is why Apple are behind in the game; because they DON'T let you run these apps, not because their products CAN'T run them.

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Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

Jedit
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Boffin

A good start

Now, how about making it so you only have to log in once to post? Every time I enter the forums I see "You are logged in as $NAME", but below that there is the usual email and password box that must also be logged in through before I can post.

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Battery deal points to thinner, lighter iPad 3

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FAIL

Don't be an idiot

The iPad 3 is a forthcoming product which is expected to have new features. Do you perhaps expect a dedicated technology news site to not post news about such things?

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Nearing iPhone 5 launch prompts operator action

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Headmaster

Apples and Oranges

Non-Apple phone buyers switch brands because the best phone on the market with the features they want is not always made by the same company. Nokia and Samsung and HTC and Motorola and Sony Ericsson are in competition; that pushes each of them forward in an attempt to be better than their rivals - or at least provide a unique selling point that people will want - and hence win the sales.

Apple phone buyers do exactly the same thing, except instead of buying the best phone on the market they buy the best iPhone on the market.

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Jedit
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You forgot some of the content

... "and that fanbois are still queuing up to buy them even though they do not know how much the iPhone 5 will cost or if it will have specs any better than the iPhone 4 they already undoubtedly have".

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Low blow: Phishers target student loan applicants

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Mushroom

What natural assumption?

Nobody is assuming that students are somehow intelligent enough to detect phishes at will. What is the point is that if you don't have a sufficient grasp of English to know the proper usage of "is" and "are", then you should not be going to university in the UK.

(NB: this doesn't automatically exclude foreign students, as many of them speak English better than our own students do these days. Which is not surprising, as under their inferior education systems they actually have to learn subjects to an acceptable standard to get a passing grade.)

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Apple's ex-cop and the case of the lost iPhone 5

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Joke

I just thought of a great advert strapline for the iPhone 5

"We have ways of making you talk."

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DNS hijack hits The Register: All well

Jedit
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Pint

Silly Drew...

... why didn't you just blame the Turkish hackers for the missing links?

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Apple girds loins for 'obscene iPad sales surge'

Jedit
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More expensive?

I do not deny that some tablets are in the same price range as the heilPad - Galaxy Tab 10.1, I'm looking at you - but I've yet to see one that was more expensive at the same capacity. Care to cite?

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"People don't want tablets, they want iPads"

Spelling error there: I'm sure it meant to say "People don't want expensive devices of minimal/specialist use, they want *heinously* expensive devices of minimal/specialist use with an Apple logo on the back".

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Ohio man cuffed for shagging inflatable pool raft

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Joke

With apologies to Olivia Newton-John

And only say that you'll be mine

In no other's arms entwine

But you can't - you're a lilo

Down by the banks of the Ohio!

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NHS diabetic gizmo will text for help if wearer is in danger

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Lack of sympathy is not lack of empathy

I have also seen insulin levels go awry, in my case first hand, because I've been a Type 1 diabetic for 13 years. And yes, sometimes I would like to have a couple of drinks or a Snickers bar, so I do empathise with the poster in that regard. But I don't actually go out and *have* those drinks or that chocolate, because to properly control my condition I have to practice self-control. As a result, in 13 years I've had only one major incident - an attack of diabetic ketoacidosis in December 2009 triggered by the flu - and no long term damage.

I have no sympathy for people who ignore their doctor's advice and jeopardise their own health, nor should I be expected to. Apparently this makes me an idiot - but as I'm an idiot who has no impairment to his sight and no nerve damage, and plans to stay that way until a cure is found, I consider myself ahead of the game.

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Jedit
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Such a gadget already exists

It's called a "brain" and reputedly, it comes as standard on humans.

If your wife hadn't come downstairs then someone would still have written your post - as your well-deserved nomination for a Darwin Award. Did you not listen when the endocrinologist told you to drink alcohol only occasionally and always in moderation? NOTHING screws up your blood sugar levels like alcohol, while at the same time it impairs your ability to notice the symptoms.

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Graphene photocells could mean hyper-speed internet

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No doubt there's a joke I'm missing here

I mean, it couldn't be that you're laughing at a collection of syllables which carry no humour in spelling or pronunciation merely because they're in another language.

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Silence ≠ 'yes', watchdog tells lustful ad-biz bakers

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FAIL

Yes...

... because then they'll be able to arrest you and seize your PC when your dynamic IP is reassigned to someone else.

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A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

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IT Angle

"A multi-tentacled organ"?

I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going...

Jonotsukidoji: Legend of the Register. You will be missed.

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Apple wins (another) Samsung Android injunction in EU

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Mushroom

iOS vs Android

Android and iOS may have been in development at the same time, but that just makes it a case of parallel evolution - separate developers coming to the same, obvious solution. Apple would have to prove espionage on Samsung's part to win this case.

Meanwhile, back in the courtroom: why are Apple not suing everyone else using this variant of Android? I can tell you: as I said in the iPad vs Galaxy Tab thread, it's because Apple don't care about competitors who are regarded as inferior. However, when someone releases a product of equal or greater quality at equal or lesser cost, Apple immediately reach for the legal team because they do not innovate and hence cannot keep up. Their ongoing legal battle with Samsung is nothing more or less than an attempt to eliminate from the market any product that is considered better than their own - namely, the Galaxy Tab and the Galaxy S2.

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Samsung says Apple lifted iPad from Kubrick's 2001

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FAIL

No...

That's because Apple are the only one claiming that the design belongs to them.

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Cerberus

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And Samsung phones have it built in

You can set up a free Dive account that in the event of phone loss, allows you to remotely lock or wipe your phone and get its current location using GPS.

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Here lies /^v.+b$/i

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Thumb Up

I always preferred PICNIC

"Problem In Chair, Not In Computer". s/"Chair"/"Coffin", and the job's a good 'un.

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Jedit
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Angel

I'm not going to bother with code

My epitaph will simply read,

"IF OUT, PLEASE LEAVE MAIL NEXT DOOR"

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New Apple move against Galaxy Tab on Euro front

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Pirate

Actually, rounded corners I'll give them

Apple may not have invented rounded corners on tablets, but when it comes to suing for the copying of design rulings are based solely on multiple points of similarity.

For example, none of the features of the Ford Ka are original to that vehicle; however, if Nissan made a car to an apparently identical design then Ford would be within their rights to sue. Nissan would have to show that their car was significantly different in some way in order to continue selling it.

Where it all falls down for Apple is that the Galaxy Tab does have enough significant differences that it cannot be easily confused with the heilPad. Once that has been established, then Apple could only successfully sue if Samsung had stolen a design feature that was unique to Apple products. Or if they bought the judge, of course.

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Jedit
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Mushroom

Nothing evil about protecting your designs

But quite a lot evil about falsifying evidence to make it look like a competitor's product does precisely ape your design, when in fact it doesn't. It has been proven beyond doubt that Apple did this in their evidence for the German ruling on the Galaxy Tab 10.1.

Here's the simple equation: Apple didn't say a thing about other tablets that look a lot more like the iPad, because they were poorly supported and of not particularly high quality. As soon as there existed a well-supported tablet that matched or surpassed the iPad for spec, Apple cried "patent violation!" and tried to have sale of the offending item banned.

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UK, German Android-ers can buy apps on phone bills

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FAIL

Why would they need to charge fees per transaction?

As you would know if you had read the article, Vodafone will add the app purchases to your monthly bill. Vodafone themselves will have a similar arrangement with Google.

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Insulin pump attack prompts call for federal probe

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Headmaster

Let's add a bit more common sense

Diabetics who don't get enough insulin will eventually enter a coma. It is thus VITAL that the dosages from an insulin pump must be readable and for preference adjustable by a person other than the user.

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Sky Movies too expensive, says Competition Commission

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Big Brother

No...

... it's about ten years too late.

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Snap said to show iPhone 5s being stacked by bunnies

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Joke

So...

... it *is* the iPhone 5, then?

Naughty Samsung, you've been copying in advance again.

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iPad sales shove Apple to top of mobile computing tree

Jedit
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Choice of software, works from the box, similar specs and cheaper?

The Motorola Xoom or Asus Transformer would seem to fit that description.

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Scottish gov moans over broadband cash handout

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Mushroom

%%%%%%

The cash is being allocated to create a network where everyone in the country can have at least 2Mbps - which means significant investment in RURAL broadband. In case you hadn't noticed, Scotland has a hell of a lot more rural areas than anywhere south of the border.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

Because they didn't?

BP had five years of exclusive rights to prospect those waters for oil and gas, and they didn't bother trying. Amoco and Shell then went looking and hit paydirt, and within another five years Aberdeen was richer than Glasgow. Even now, though, the major work is done abroad because it's easier, with Aberdeen serving only as the administrative centre.

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Android app logs keystrokes using phone movements

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Megaphone

On the other foot...

... you'd have collateral damage as a lot of games apps would be completely shafted. Not the primary use of a smartphone, I admit, but it's a selling point and taking it away only from Android would cause developers to leave for iOS.

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Google's Moto move spells iPhone doom

Jedit
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"Tablets didn't look lke that before the iPad"

http://rossdawsonblog.com/weblog/archives/2011/04/tablet-computers-as-seen-from-1994.html

Not to mention the portable video screen used by Heywood Floyd in 2001: A Space Odyssey. The iPad wasn't an innovative design at all; it is the obvious design for the job it does. If you do your research, you will also see that the original iPhone didn't look too dissimilar to the HTC Touch and more significantly the LG Prada, which was released several months before the iPhone.

(As for your comments on the MacBook Air, I shall ignore them as the blatant fanboi-ism that they are.)

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Jedit
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Joke

What, Apple lie?

Here's the Apple design strategy:

1) Make a generic product that is very dear.

2) Slap an "i" on the front of the name.

3) Claim it's original.

Samsung are being accused of reverse engineering this strategy, hence producing the original i dear.

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Wikipedia: It's not for girls

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Paris Hilton

"Can Wiki tell if an editor is female from their writing?"

If they're writing about friendship bracelets and/or Sex in the City, then the answer is an unequivocal "yes".

(Paris, because more people have looked her up than have looked her up on Wiki.)

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iPad accessorizer gets into Bernie Madoff's pants

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IT Angle

Huh?

I thought it was Frederick Jones who was putting rags on his favourite Jobs toys?

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Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

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Others may disagree

I find this comment deeply ironic, given that Apple have just had the courts bar the sale of the Tab 10.1 in Europe because they compared it to the iPad 2.

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Sky wins TV riot battle

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FAIL

Riots in Manchester...

... that were also reported on Sky News a few hours after you posted, because they actually did happen. Here's a link to a story with a picture of Miss Selfridge on Market Street in flames:

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/871882-manchester-riots-see-arndale-centre-targeted-as-uk-chaos-spreads

Care to reappraise your assessment of the BBC's fail?

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Jedit
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Alert

Only in video

Around 0030 the BBC had live audio reporting from a Guardian reporter who was not only on the ground but undercover among the rioters and looters, calling in what he was seeing from his mobile. When it comes to big swinging balls of steel, that guy made the robot in Transformers 2 look like two peas at the foot of Nelson's Column. If he'd been caught out, I wouldn't give a tuppenny damn for his chances.

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RunPee

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Coat

"Increment current time"?

Shouldn't that be "excrement current time"?

Mine's the one with the stoma pouch and catheter in the pocket...

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HP Envy 17 3D Core i7 laptop

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Paris Hilton

Similar specs?

Why would you need specs at all with the non-3D version?

(Paris, because she's used to objects springing out and almost poking her in the eye.)

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Hackers breach chocolate recipe on Hershey website

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Angel

It'd have to be Goods Inwards

... because if it was Goods Outwards, they still wouldn't have noticed the hack.

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PlayStation phone prices plunge

Jedit
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Price drop?

I suspect it has less to do with the 3DS price cut and more to do with the fact that the phone is apparently a bit of a dog to play games on.

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Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

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FAIL

Blue Sky thinking

"The majority of licence fee payers do not watch F1"

True. This is something F1 coverage has in common with literally every other program on the air. By your logic, therefore, the BBC should not make or purchase the rights to any programming at all.

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Jedit
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Boffin

Yes, we need those people

There's no fat to cut from the commentary team. The three-man pundit squad is set up ideally: as an outsider to the sport Jake Humphries asks the questions we would be thinking of, and he's teamed with an ex-driver and a former team boss who between them can answer anything he might ask.

During the race we have two commentators, Brundle and Coulthard, extremely experienced drivers with over 400 Grand Prix starts and 28 years of F1 experience; between them, they don't miss much. Ted Kravitz covers pitstops and pit lane information, which is a full time job as that info is crucial to determining race strategies, while Lee Mackenzie is there to relay knowledge of on-track incidents and interview any drivers who retire. It's all important for completing the package.

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Jedit
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It's better than that

The Concorde Agreement, which is not yet up for review, requires that Formula 1 races cannot be exclusive to pay channels. Ecclestone has broken that agreement, and now every team in F1 has the right to withdraw.

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Isolated human genes can be patented, US court rules

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Trollface

I wonder...

... will Apple claimed to have designed human DNA, then sue the human race for imitating the look and feel of their product? After all, what use is half an i?

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Who needs a million NFC tags?

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Samsung

The noise is that the US version of the Galaxy SII will be NFC-enabled.

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Intel: Apple has online app sales exactly backwards

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Joke

Jokes are funnier without spelling mistakes

For instance, in yours you consistently spell "Apple" I-N-T-E-L. Better fix that next time.

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Police arrest alleged LulzSec hacker 'topiary' in Scotland

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Angel

Some houses on Shetland have a postcode all to themselves

He's going to be out of luck if he tries claiming it was his neighbour using his connection/

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