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* Posts by Jedit

831 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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'iPhone 4 to be free' when new iPhones ship

Jedit
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Pirate

No, no, no

Haven't you been keeping up? Samsung copied the next-gen iPhone and got their copy out first.

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HTC Android handsets spew private data to ANY app

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FAIL

"Apple won't let developers do it"

Had you managed to tear your eyes away from the radiant glory of your iProducts for just long enough to read the article, you would have noticed that the logger was installed by the manufacturer - presumably as part of a firmware rollout. And, had the sight of a sentence not worshipping the Almighty Apple not struck you witless with shock at such a heinous blasphemy, you would also have realised that I was talking about Apple incorporating a similar logger into iOS. At no point did I ever mention a third party developer.

I will, however, gladly accept your invitation to call Apple a bunch of control freaks.

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Jedit
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No

Because this being the highly-customisable and generally open Android platform, all you have to do is delete or block the offending app. If and when Apple think this is a good idea [1], you can be assured that they will put it somewhere that users cannot touch and you will be stuck with it unless you jailbreak.

[1] And patent it, and sue HTC for using it.

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iPhones 'excellent for doing experiments on their owners'

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Trollface

Uh-huh

And what do they intend to use when they need to test the upper end of the intelligence spectrum?

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Violent videogames reduce crime

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Joke

Zombie Mary Whitehouse

Still needs brains.

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Jedit
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Headmaster

You forgot...

... the "rock and roll causes violent behaviour" of the 1950s.

Kids rebel against their parents; the parents believe they've taught their kids the same values that they had, so inevitably blame something that their kids have and they didn't at the same age. There was probably a "ye pryntynge presse causeth violente behaveour" lobby in the 1390s - though we don't hear about their psychological research because of course, they didn't publish.

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Amazon's Kindle Fire is sold at a loss

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Headmaster

Device licenses

As memory serves, your Android apps are purchased by an account and may be installed and run on any device linked to that account. There may be a limit on the number of concurrent devices that can be linked to an account, but I don't know what it is without looking as it exceeds the number of devices I would ever own.

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Samsung offers Apple TOP-SECRET peace deal in Australia

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FAIL

A is for Apple

I would not expect a company to replace my product if it went out of warranty. I do expect companies to provide warranty service that lasts a reasonable amount of time.

On a sidebar, my Samsung TV developed a fault just after the end of its manufacturer warranty. Samsung arranged for it to be picked up, taken to the nearest call centre 80 miles away, repaired and returned, all free of charge.

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Human 'alarm clock' enzyme discovered

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Joke

Until they find a way to suppress it...

... we won't have to wake you up.

And what joker decided the enzyme that controls the biological clock should be called "PERIOD"?

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Chinese fuzz bust faux iPhone racket

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Coat

Five suspects?

People, we must stand up against this blatant miscarriage of justice and protest. All together now:

RELEASE THE IPHONE 5!

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Boffins invent miracle pill that counteracts effects of booze

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Joke

To: The Department of Psychology, University of Illinois

You're my best mates, you are.

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Chocolate weighed in Schwarzeneggers: Official

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Boffin

"svelte 135kg"?

svelte /svɛlt, sfɛlt/ Show Spelled[svelt, sfelt]

adjective, svelt·er, svelt·est.

1. slender, especially gracefully slender in figure; lithe.

135 kilograms is 300lbs. I submit that nobody who weighs 300lbs could even remotely fit the description "svelte" unless they were well over seven feet tall.

I also do not wish to know how anyone can consider a person weighing in excess of 350lbs to not be bloody enormous, when this is a weight not often achieved by contestants in the World's Strongest Man competition.

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Jedit
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FAIL

He knew exactly what he was typing, *dude*

"Merkin" is a common online term used to describe people from the USA. It derives from their response to the question "Where are you from?", which frequently sounds like "I'm a Merkin".

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Faustian descent into backup hell: A play in two acts

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This is not a PICNIC

Regardless of how a piece of backup software is used, uninstalling it should not have the potential to damage the OS.

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Android outsells Apple 2:1

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Headmaster

Don't think of it in terms of 56 phones against one

Think of it in terms of people who want a heilPhone versus people who don't. The people who don't want one win - hugely.

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Toshiba outs 7in Android 3.2 tablet

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FAIL

"No benefit apart from watching movies"

So you don't think that watching movies (and also TV these days) would be one of the most obvious and common uses for a portable device with a decent sized screen and media browser?

The second common use for tablets is to read digital magazines. While magazines do usually use paper sizes with the standard sqrt(2):1 ratio, digital editions don't need to use the outside margins because the purpose is served by the tablet frame and they also dont need to use the gutter except on two-page splashes. Excluding the margins moves the ratio closer to 1.78:1 than to 1.33:1, making widescreen the better choice for display.

The third main use of tablets is for web browsing, which involves looking at content designed for PC monitors. As nearly all new monitors are widescreen these days, a sensible site designer will at the very least make his page compatible with both 4:3 and 16:9 formats, and he may even design it primarily for 16:9 display.

In summary: 16:9 format is at least as good as 4:3 for every main use of a tablet, and in most cases will be better.

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Apple loses bid to trademark 'multi-touch'

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Stop

Patent time!

*cough*

As for patenting "app store", it's like patenting "chip shop". Apple should be told to fuck off ... and that can't be patented either, as French Connection UK were told when they tried to claim sole rights to putting the letters F, C, U and K on clothing in any order as a single word.

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Virtual cloud monkeys go bananas writing Shakespeare

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Use of manatees to write Family Guy episodes

This project will commence when they feel the urge to increase the quality of the writing.

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Display defect may crimp iPhone 5 shipments

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Not to defend Apple...

... but the reason they have sporadic product releases is because they only release new products sporadically. Are you perhaps talking about waves of stock intake?

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Attention metal thieves: Buy BT, get 75 MILLION miles of copper

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FAIL

Try reading the post first

He said "last month", not "in perpetuity". So, try searching for "Manchester riots" and see exactly how many stories you find about gangs of 100 people roaming the streets stealing everything that wasn't nailed down after first stealing the nails.

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Brit ISPs shift toward rapid pirate website blocking

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Boffin

"Peter ... I can see your house from up here."

The ISPs are actually selling you the knife with no knowledge that you plan to use it to stab anyone. They are still being held responsible for selling it, though, you are right there.

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Jedit
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FAIL

@AC 17:04 220911

ISPs may know where data is being sent from and to without having to look at it, but they still do not know what it is. They don't even know that it is illegal just because it's P2P traffic - for example, it's possible to patch World of Warcraft through the Blizzard Downloader without receiving a single byte from Blizzard themselves.

Also, due to VPNs and IP spoofing, an ISP cannot definitively prove the source or destination of its traffic. So, you fail again.

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Apple sued for iPhone, iPad chip 'patent rip-off'

Jedit
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Pirate

I'm not

But only because Thomas Edison is dead. When it comes to stealing other people's ideas and passing them off as their own, Apple have *nothing* on Edison.

In fact, they stole the idea from him.

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Jedit
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Trollface

"Apple ... could always come up with their own method"

Dear Sir,

You appear to have forgotten to put the troll icon on your post. Here, have one from me. Unless Apple have patented it, of course, in which case that will be £50,000 settlement fee and £5,000 for use of icon, plus you must show Apple the next six icons you plan to use on posts. You have also incurred £170,000 in legal fees payable to ourselves, remittance to be made within 28 days.

Yours,

Jedit, Jedit, Jedit and Jedit

Patent Lawyers

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Samsung-Apple patent lawsuit tally hits 21, and counting

Jedit
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Headmaster

We already know what happens

1) Apple go out of the phone business.

2) Everyone else stops suing everyone else.

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Samsung may try to block next iPhone in Europe too

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FAIL

Free Clue

Apple have more cash in the bank than the US government.

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FAIL

"I doubt you have seen a Galaxy phone"

*takes his out of his pocket*

*looks at it*

Nope, sorry, I can tell that it's not an iPhone. The big logo at the top, the rectangular home button, the illuminated menu and back buttons and the fact that I'm not a twat are the significant clues.

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Jedit
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Mushroom

So what you're saying is..

... that if you remove all the incredibly obvious differences between the Galaxy S2 and the iPhone, the S2 would look JUST LIKE AN iPHONE!!!!??? My God! How did I not see it before?

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Jedit
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Apple aren't going to do that

Because they know that they can't win. This isn't a swipe at the quality of iProducts; it's inevitable that the major companies who are in competition both with each other and with Apple are going to put more effort into innovating than Apple can, if only because five heads are better than one.

Apple have thus far been able to maintain their strong grasp on the smartphone market because of their monolithic approach - don't have a range of products that do different things, have one that does everything - but now HTC, Samsung et al have caught up, Apple can no longer call the tune. The only way they can maintain their market share now is to prevent other companies entering the market.

As for the Samsung lawsuit, I believe it's a bluff. They don't expect the judgement to be passed, but when it isn't, they can use that as another lever to have the rulings against the Galaxy range struck down.

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Prosecutor calls poker site 'global Ponzi scheme'

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FAIL

Poker isn't gambling

Not if done right, anyway. It certainly has no house odds.

Anyone know if the Christopher Ferguson mentioned in the article is Chris "Jesus" Ferguson? I really hope not - bad enough to see a name as big as Howard Lederer involved, but a past WSOP Main Event champion as well would be a major black mark on the game's reputation.

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Samsung preps anti-iPhone 5 lawsuit before it's even out

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Joke

Well...

... they *did* say "so long as it has any form of telecommunications capability". That would give the iPhone 4 a pass.

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Star Wars: The Complete Saga Blu-ray disc set

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Joke

No, only one grocer was using them

And if more than one grocer is using them, it's "grocer's apo'strophe's".

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Jedit
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FAIL

"CD's have a built in 10 year limit"

Stop talking rubbish. I have CDs on my rack that I've owned for twice that long, and they still work fine. I bought my first DVD in 1999; that disc still works, and the only disc I've ever had stop working did so because of physical damage.

Moral: never believe anything you hear from someone who uses grocer's apostrophes.

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Jedit
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Boffin

Blaster bolts don't move at light speed

If they did, they'd be visible as a beam rather than a bolt.

I believe there's some handwaving explanation about them actually being vaguely plasma based, or something similar.

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Jedit
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You clearly haven't seen Vader's "No"

If you had, you would realise that it wrecks the scene. As originally presented, Vader's emotional dilemma is made obvious through Dave Prowse's body language. Vocalising it strips away any requirement for subtlety of characterisation. Nothing plotwise has changed, but in terms of quality of presentation it's the sonic equivalent of taking a flying scene from Superman and putting the wires back in.

(BTW, you don't have to be an "obsessed fanboi" to believe that Han originally shot first, because it's blatantly fucking obvious that he did.)

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PayPal to move into the shop - without cards or NFC

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FAIL

Yes, that is how you use the past tense

However, as the use of self-operated checkouts at Safeway and other supermarkets is contemporary, the present tense is correct.

Your user name is most apt - you are indeed *our* retarded. Though to be a bit of a grammar pedant, in English you would actually say "your retard" or "your retarded person". Hope that helps.

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Jedit
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IT Angle

I don't think about who to trust with my piss...

But I've thought about what I'm willing to trust PayPal with.

The IT angle? The forward slash, obviously.

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Jedit
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Megaphone

No, they aren't a bank anywhere

But they act like they are.

I wouldn't trust PayPal with a drop of piss, let alone money.

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Scientists discover Tatooine-style world 200 lightyears off

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Unless, of course...

... the two suns aren't precisely the same size and the same distance from the planet.

Losing your son to ego is unfortunate, but getting dropped in it yourself due to having not even a basic understanding of perspective is just downright embarrassing. And slapping a boffin icon on it makes it worse.

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Winter for webOS, winter for Droid, but springtime for iPad!

Jedit
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Mushroom

Only 20,000 Tabs sold

Mainly because Apple had it made illegal to sell the other 480,000. Nice of you to admit that Apple are trying to sue anyone who releases a genuine competitor product out of business, though.

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Lincs bloke fined in deceased hedgehog outrage

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"In the absence of a decent picture"

It worries me that you think this story would have been a lot more pleasant had it contained a high quality picture of a man crapping on a deceased spiky rodent.

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Minister seeks to rip 'Like' buttons off German gov web

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Boffin

Why government departments have Facebook pages

Apparently, it's because 7,856 people like them.

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Rubbing an iPhone on your face won't cure acne - FTC

Jedit
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Joke

All threads on El Reg have erectile dysfunction

Or at least, none of them have been made sticky.

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Jedit
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FAIL

Fanboi logic. It does not resemble our Earth logic.

So, if I can afford an iPhone but am clever enough to buy Android, that means I have *less* money to spend? Really? Surely if I can afford an iPhone but buy something cheaper instead, then I have more money to spend. Even if I'm shopping within my budget, I'm still just as liquid as the iPhone user who can just about afford one - if not more so, as many Android apps are cheaper. Your entire assertion is thus based on the presumption that iPhone owners earn considerably more than Android owners. I can disabuse you of this notion by spending an hour on a city bus route.

Also, I can buy apps from the market with a single click, using an account that works in just the same way as an iTunes account. (And Apple move the litigation drive to sue factor 7.)

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Jedit
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IT Angle

Social surveying at its finest

Both Android and iPhone users fell for the scams, but more than three times as many iPhone users got scammed for twice as much.

(The IT angle? You can't spell "zit" without "IT".)

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Hacker defaces Irish Catholic paper: 'Gotta love false hope'

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FAIL

Nobody has the "right" to be free from mockery

Especially anonymous cowards who evidently can't count to three.

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Onkyo TX-NR609 AV network receiver

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I'm afraid Billy Bremner beat you to it

Speakers on the ceiling, speakers on the door

Speakers on the dashboard, speakers on the floor

I'm surprised you haven't realised that having a visual cue alters how we interpret sounds. For instance, when a car drives past on screen and goes out of the left edge of the shot, we instinctively expect the sound to proceed from front left to rear left as in real life, the car would now be behind us.

Music alone doesn't have that issue; we expect it to come from a static point, which as an audience is generally in front of us. You're still wrong about the hi-fi world settling for two speakers, though; quadrophonic systems have been around forever, for the same reason as 5.1 and 7.2 sound systems exist in cinemas (and I'm glad you've never heard of 22.2) - immersion. Having speakers in front and behind puts you in the middle of the music.

As for why you want two subwoofers: I believe the explanation is that a bi-directional system generates the bass more evenly, providing a smoother effect. (Of course you can also crank them both up to full power and destroy your enemies, assuming you do not live on a geological fault line.)

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Jedit
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Boffin

Q Acoustics 2000

I use a Q Acoustics 1000 set with my Onkyo 608, which were What Hi-Fi's best budget buy pretty much until the 2000 series replaced them.

The 2000 series can be bought as a 5.1 pack for around £500 - sub, centre speaker and four satellites. The satellites are small enough to use as rear surround if you fancy 7.1, so you can buy either an extra pair of satellites for around £110 or a pair of the floorstanding speakers (2020 or 2030, I forget which) for ~£160.

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Hey Commentards! [This title is optional]

Jedit
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Nope

It's happened at work on IE7/WinXP and at home on Firefox 6/Win7, so it's neither hardware nor software.

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appToyz appBlaster

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Hence my saying "as designed". Redesigning the product not to use hammers would also require re-programming every available app.

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