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* Posts by Jedit

861 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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Apple Italy throws up ruling on its store site

Jedit
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"Try and be aware of the laws"

Yes, because otherwise you may end up spending more than you have to on bribing the courts.

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Boffins make graphene micro-distillery

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Pint

Degrees, not percentage of proof

I am aware of this, thanks. However, I was coming to the end of my lunch break and didn't have time to find the proper symbol.

Also, please do follow my link. You sound like you might appreciate it.

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Jedit
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Boffin

You aim too low

When it comes to advanced scientific brewing techniques, one should be aiming for at least 300% proof. 307 Ale, my boys, 307 Ale...

http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107858848784/

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UK sight-loss charity sues BMI

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Trollface

Hmmm

It seems we also need legislature to assist people who spontaneously orgasm when they view websites. We can't have them ... deprived ... can we?

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North Korea labels phone users war criminals

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Facepalm

Yes...

.... because the only way to deal with a subjugated people whose leaders are systematically blocking any chance they might have to organise their own freedom is to commit genocide against them.

Moron.

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iPad Fleshlight lets fanbois express their love

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Headmaster

Well, actually...

... if the Romans found a legionnaire having carnal knowledge of another man, he would be stoned and beaten to death by his own comrades. And people complained about DADT...

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New forum Wishlist

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Direct links to posts

Or failing that, notifications when someone directly replies to your post or to the thread - God, even Memebase has that. As is, the forums aren't much more than a fire-and-forget comment board; holding an actual discussion is very hard.

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Groupon banned from selling SNAKE OIL

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Trollface

But it MUST work!

I mean, when was the last time you saw a wrinkly snake?

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iPad users 'risk shoulder pain', say US gov, Microsoft boffins

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Coat

Your scenario is a statistical outlier

Most of us don't lie on the sofa, with the TV on our wife, watching something rubbish.

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Google finally admits it wants to OWN YOU

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Paris Hilton

Playboy?

No, honestly ... I only read El Reg for the good articles.

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American search team fails to find women's G-spot

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Joke

There's no difference between sex and tech support

Have you tried turning your woman off, then turning her on again?

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Spam-squirting hole found in McAfee antivirus kit

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IT Angle

Excellent news

Now all McAfee need to do is patch the vulnerability in their installation program where the program installed turns out to be McAfee.

(Why am I questioning the IT angle? Because when you're talking about McAfee, "IT" is only ever half the story.)

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Modeling-clay iPads foisted on unwary Canucks

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Coat

Cashless clay

Please ... he changed his name after converting to iSlam.

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Teen net addicts pee in bottles to stay glued to WoW

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FAIL

"Where the hell are the parents?"

I imagine they are reading that bastion of truth and morality, The Sun.

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McDonald's punters offered sex in exchange for Chicken McNuggets

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Joke

It could have been worse

"Happy Meals - now with happy endings!"

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Woz praises Android, blasts iPhone limitations

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FAIL

"My girlfriend is very technically literate"

Really? I can't see how she has problems joining your home network, then. My Droid automatically connects to my home network. It also automatically connects to my friend's home network when I'm visiting her in Edinburgh, to the O2 Cloud network, and indeed to any wi-fi network I have previously given it the password for. Likewise, getting apps onto the SD card is done by a single keystroke in my app manager. Transferring data onto the phone is *literally* a matter of dragging and dropping in Windows.

I submit that your girlfriend is not technically literate at all, assuming she doesn't live in Canada. And neither are you, or you would have made up better lies.

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Steve Jobs action figure kicks the bucket

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Joke

"Steve Jobs action figure kicks the bucket"

Wow - it's even more realistic than I thought!

Yeah, yeah, I know...

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Apple will not kill iPad 2 at iPad 3 debut

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Holmes

"Mop up excess demand, or don't restrict buyers to the more expensive model"

I note that the article does not suggest that Apple may release the iPad 3 at the current cost of the iPad 2 and discount the older model. But then, El Reg hacks don't just make things up out of thin air like they do on some other sites.

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Apple touts touch-free perspective-powered 3D tech

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"Apple patents aren't always an indicator of the tech just around the corner"

No, they're more commonly an indicator of existing tech created or dreamed up by someone else.

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Apple iPad 3 to sport LTE '4G'

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Facepalm

"Can we get the Reg Hardware page without current technology news?"

The icon says it all.

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'My product is driPhone, not iPhone'

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Coat

I'm not so sure about that

If he was, then he wouldn't have a point of view. He'd also be a bit like you and me, which he isn't.

Mine's the full-body one in tasteful yellow.

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Apple Beijing store egged in botched iPhone 4S launch

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Thumb Up

"Or capitalists?"

I was thinking "staff", myself.

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Apple, Amazon and Google take lazy punters hostage

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Joke

"I'm a dentist and I'd much rather deal with iTunes"

Thus confirming all our worst fears about dentists. "Is it safe?"

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Go Daddy not liable for cybersquatting, US court rules

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FAIL

"What's the big deal?"

You're seriously asking why a company hasn't registered every domain that can be related to its name, with every suffix available?

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Doomsday Clock ticks one minute closer to annihilation

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Angel

Preventing procreation can be fun!

You don't have to be willing to put your gonads where your mouth is, so long as someone else is willing to put your gonads where their mouth is...
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Hubble shows images from record-breaking 13.1 billion light-years

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FAIL

"The universe is asymmetrical, so science is false!"

Er, no. Even had the Big Bang been a perfectly even explosion, the universe would not be symmetrical because it is composed of different types of matter with different weights. This in turn affects both the gravity in and the velocity of various parts of the universe. The distribution of mass would have shifted within picoseconds of the Big Bang.

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Tesla 300-mile e-car UK debut set for 2013

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Swappable batteries

A great idea, but it depends on how swappable they are, how expensive they are, and if they can be charged while not in the car. If the answers to these questions are "as easily as your mobile phone battery", "less than £1000" and "yes", then there would be a lot of mileage (excuse pun) in keeping a couple of spares charged at home and packing them into the car when you need to make extra-long trips.

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VW catches electric Beetle

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Boffin

"They think electricity grows on trees"

Well, given that much of our electricity comes from fossil fuels, and fossil fuels are the remains of ancient forests, arguably it does grow on trees.

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Profs call for harsh taxes on sweet carbonated beverages

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Boffin

It's already in official Reg units

There just comes a point where measuring in Olympic swimming pools becomes unwieldy, and one is forced to measure in Suez canals instead. This point has now been reached.

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LG: 1mm bezel on your telly, anyone?

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Headmaster

It has nothing to do with the bezel

As you don't seem to be aware: active 3D TVs work by alternating their display between an image for the left eye and an image for the right eye. The glasses you use to watch 3D on these screens have shutters that alternately close in sync with the images on the TV, so all you see in your left eye is left eye images and vice versa. The speed at which this occurs is faster than your optic centres "refresh", so your brain gets a continuous stream of data.

What LG have done is devise a system where the "left eye" image is player 1's screen and the "right eye" image is player 2's screen. The glasses are then set up to close both shutters simultaneously, so each player's glasses only let him see images for his own game. The result is full-screen play for two players on the same TV.

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Angry iPhone users bring antitrust class action against Apple

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FAIL

If the 30% covers Apple's costs...

... why do they also charge an annual development fee?

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Star Wars: The Old Republic

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Stop

White (Jedi) Knights

The idea that a new MMO doesn't have to be as polished as WoW because it hasn't been around seven years is a fallacy. Class balance and amount of content can be excused in a neophyte game, but when it comes to lessons in design there is no excuse for not observing Blizzard's mistakes and learning from them.

Bioware have not done this. WoW used to have quest text that appeared gradually; it became so unpopular with players levelling alts that it was changed to appear instantly. In TOR you instead have the voice acting gimmick, which you will listen to the first time you play - but every time thereafter you'll be impatiently hammering the space bar to get through the annoying cutscene so you can actually play the game.

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You can tell Lucy is a lone wolf...

... because she gave the game 80%. Anyone who wants to play with others will soon notice the complete lack of a useful grouping tool; this was an intentional decision by the developers. The planets are broken down into phased groups with populations so small you can easily play for an hour without ever seeing anyone else; this was an intentional decision by the developers. The worlds are huge but empty and lifeless, and travel is slow; this was an intentional decision by the developers.

As KOTOR 3 the game would perhaps have merited 80%, but it barely even qualifies as an MMO.

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Hasbro sues Asus over Transformer Prime moniker

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Meh

Beg your pardon

I didn't defend Hasbro's taking out the lawsuit - I simply corrected Barry S on his misinterpretation of why they had filed it and what grounds they were suing on. I can understand why people have misunderstood my intent, however.

Suits like these remind me of Private Eye's famous responses to people who threatened libel actions against the magazine, one of which ran roughly like this:

WINNER OF DAMAGES: It would be to your benefit if you were to send any further stories about me to my legal counsel, so they can advise you on whether or not to proceed with publication.

THE EYE: How would your legal counsel respond if we told you to fuck off?

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Jedit
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FAIL

Learn what is being sued over, fool

Hasbro aren't claiming infringement over the "Transformer" name - just as they didn't sue LG for calling one of their phones the Optimus. They can't, because both "transformer" and "optimus" are words with their own meanings. What they're claiming is an infringement is the *phrase* "Transformer Prime", which is used in the movies, cartoons and comics as the name for the leaders of the Transformers and is trademarked. If Chevrolet release the Chevrolet Idol, no problem; if there was a car manfuacturer called American Automobiles, no problem. But if American Automobiles release the American Idol, you'd better believe a certain TV station is going to drop on them from a height for trademark violation.

Also, just as a sidebar: one of the few Transformers that actually *is* designed to come apart into two separate pieces is Optimus Prime, who separates into the robot and his trailer. Moreover, the trailer is directly analogous to the keyboard dock as it's there to provide additional functionality (it contains Optimus's spare weapons).

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Steve Jobs gets posthumous Grammy AND a bronze statue

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That left hand...

Looked to me like he was giving everyone two fingers at first, which would make it a very lifelike posture. Then I saw that the angle was just bad and all four were there.

On a sidebar, why has El Reg not yet reported Apple's being granted the patent on multitasking phones? I would have thought you'd be all over that.

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Ofcom maps out what 'psychics' are allowed to do on TV

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Joke

Now there's a double standard

Catholics have to say that the bread and wine they take during Communion is miraculously transformed into the flesh and blood of Christ after consumption, but the Pastafarians just go for it.

That said, I suppose the Catholics have little choice. If they claimed they really were eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ, then either they would be cannibals or Christ would be the Pillsbury Alcoholic.

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine pirate caged

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Facepalm

"Only complete nuts would have troubled themselves to DL the movie"

I don't disagree with you, Vladimir, but the point is that said tiny minority of complete nuts went on to tell the greater majority of people who aren't complete nuts how bad they thought the movie was. Those people (the incomplete nuts?) are the ones who didn't then go see the movie when it came out or buy the DVD. Studios don't care half so much if a few illegal downloaders don't go to the cinema as they do about thousands of ordinary people who *would* normally pay not putting their arses on chairs.

On a sidebar, I'd say that a movie whose sole appeal is the CGI is going to be a bad movie by definition. Special effects need to enhance storytelling, not replace it.

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FAIL

Actually, it stank

And it's widely believed that Fox were so agitated about the leaking of Wolverine because it cost them millions of dollars from people who would have gone to see it, but did not because reviews of the leaked workprint - the only pre-release reviews that existed, BTW - told them not to bother.

However, thank you for pointing out that I am a moron merely because I do not share your taste in movies (or as it may be, lack thereof).

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Anti-piracy laws will smash internet, US constitution - legal eagles

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Joke

Typical bloody freetard response

I don't care how good your facts are, do you really think you should get to influence Congress without paying?

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Jedit
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Big Brother

Harking back to last week, more like

That's when Virgin Media in the UK censored all three of Arsenal, Hitchcock and Dickens (and also "canals").

I also recall a couple of years ago one very annoyed Guild Wars player complaining he couldn't name his character "Scunthorpe United", and another protesting he couldn't name *his* toon after the aircraft that dropped the first atomic bomb.

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Nissan Leaf battery powered electric car

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Boffin

Rome was not built in a day

Right now this is as good as they can do, but I work in energy management and know what's in the pipeline. Given the chance, five years from now you'll be seeing electric cars with 200-mile range and a four hour full charge time. Just stop expecting the prototype to be the finished product.

That said, the fog lights always being on when in drive mode is a major design flaw for the Leaf. Quite apart from it draining the battery, I really don't see how a car can be awarded 80% when it's technically illegal to drive it in the UK.

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Bah, humbug! Virgin Media censors Charles D**kens

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It gets better

Tech advice forum Experts Exchange (experts-exchange.com) is frequently sent to Coventry by older and more monolithic corporate firewalls, having been blocked years ago before the owners added the hyphen to their URL and never removed.

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The Best of El Reg 2011 now on Kindle

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Joke

Giving away the end?

That's like saying all those crucifixes give away that Jesus dies at the end of the Bible!

On the subject of Isaacson's biography: I saw a funny in-app advert today for this very tome, inviting me to "Read it now on Android".

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Blast at Apple gear factory hurts 61

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Joke

Don't tell me ...

... it was the battery overheating, right?

On a more serious note, I hope nobody was severely hurt. It's not their fault they work for Apple.

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Jedi light-sabre beats Taser in Oregon parking-lot fracas

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Alien

Judge Jedi?

You can imagine a Jedi-run court, can't you? "Attack police officers with a toy, you did. Much alcohol I sense in you."

Hopefully they'll catch some Nigerian scammers. "A better way to make money? No. Easier, perhaps - quicker, more seductive. But when 900 years old you reach, still in prison will you be."

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Jedit
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Alien

The Jedi are extinct

All that remains of their religion is a guy in a full body leather suit who breathes heavily at people - and his boss is a creepy old guy with an unnatural interest in his children.

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Apple's Galaxy Tab ban was best advertising ever - Samsung

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Thumb Up

Correct on all points except one

It's not a shame.

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Carrier IQ meets feds 'to educate them'

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Boffin

This is not a Reg problem

I gave the AC thing a look out of curiosity, and for me the notification appears over the icon grid. You need to fix your browser.

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Sony: PS3 sales ahead of target

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Stop

Someone's a bit slow today...

In reading the articles, at least. A typo in the subtitle has been fixed; originally it referred to financial year 2102.

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