843 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010
"This is Olga. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit."
Do not be fearing, little Western man. Before date I shave leg, armpit *and* chest!
Charles Stross hates Word?
Well, now we know what the next exciting instalment of BOFH will be about, don't we?
"I would put it in the Petabyte range at least"
Well, duh - that's why you put it all in a RAR file!
Nobody has yet asked the important question
Does this drive have sufficient space to store allthepornontheinternet.rar?
(Paris, because she has sufficient space to store anything.)
"you could always live like Lee from The Magnificent Seven"
Pedant: Lee was having no trouble spending his ill-gotten gains. He was being charged $20 a day to hole up in a shed.
"it's a wonder you didn't get a couple of bullets to the head."
Be patient, EE had to see the results before commissioning hitmen.
"These guys owe me a joystick"
No, they don't. In fact, Epyx sports games were best known for not being joystick thrashers. Their preferred control systems were rotational and/or rhythmic.
"It was good, but it wasn't Winter Games."
And Winter Games wasn't World Games, or Summer Games II. Great series overall, though, with the exception of California Games.
"At least someone is making money off the stupid this way"
There are already laws to defend the mentally handicapped aganst sexual exploitation, but raping their wallets is OK in your little world I guess?
The people who go to payday loan companies are mainly desperate, not stupid. They're taking the loan so they can pay the rent or eat. Sure, there will be the odd cretin who goes to Wonga so he can buy a PS4 and those people deserve whatever they get, but in the main payday loan companies are morally equivalent to a man offering a homeless woman a bed for the night if she'll fuck him.
"Right now, you're pikers but gaining fast."
If we're still small compared to Americans, surely we're pikelets?
"you are assuming the English would vote to keep the union. Where's the evidence of that?"
Several large polls have been conducted on the subject, and they all show that support for the Union is even higher in the rest of the UK than it is in Scotland.
"No-one seems to have got a first-hand statement from the Thai gov't."
There was such a statement, but the government blocked it because it made them look bad.
"referring to Jesus in your headline for the article isn't in good taste and objectionable"
I agree. Keep up the good work.
"In fact... just don't. Be a good little citizen instead."
Next week on CSI: Baker Street:
"The killer refrained from using omnibuses, hansom cabs or his own vehicles to commit this murder, Watson. You might say ... the game is afoot!"
I think there's a moral to be derived from this story
"Buy the extended life battery".
(What's that you say? iPhones don't have user-fitted batteries? So much for functionality, you can't even murder your wife with one.)
"Does anyone know why it will take 9 months for the full data download to occur?"
That's how long it will take for Starbucks to set up a franchise.
"If Scotland get independance, I'll be the first one to move there."
I'll swap you - if Scotland gets independence, I'll be the first to leave. Take a look at the report on Scottish independence in the current issue of the Economist. Salmond's plan for independence is to spend all the oil money and hope it brings in business. Students of history will note that in general terms this is painfully similar to the Darien Project, where Scotland overcommitted its existing resources to New World colonisation in the hope that this would bring in great wealth. The gamble didn't pay off, and the result was... Scotland having to sign the Act of Union.
"Windows 7 isn't easy to purchase anymore, if at all."
Yes, but there are ways to find a copy if you're willing to put in the effort. Try this plan:
1) Go to obscure online retailer www.amazon.com.
2) Search for "Windows 7" in Software - the site search engine should automatically recommend this department.
3) Buy the item at the very top of the page.
It gets slightly more complex if you want Pro or Ultimate. Then you have to perform an intermediary step where you scroll down to find the specific item you want, as it is further down the first page.
Re: Marin and San Francisco counties both screwed the pooch.
Perhaps Chicago was selected because it is a more wretched hive of scum and villainy?
"Well, as long as they use plenty of Crisco..."
I'd rather see AT&T fall foul of consumers using plenty of Drogo.
A dark day for reggae
Songs will suffer if the noble joint is consigned to the ashtray of history, and you know it. I mean, who'd listen to this?
I vape 2ml in the morning
I vape 2ml at night
I vape 2ml in the afternoon
It makes me feel alright
"Downvotes or not, this is a valid comment."
Yes, it is. YouTube are trying to get something for nothing, or at least as little as they can get away with.
So it's a pity that your comment had to be flavoured with the "internet piracy is killing music" crap that we hear all the time from RIAA and their cronies - something that has been proven false time and again by indie artists discovering that giving some of their music away for free on the web actually increased their sales.
Internet piracy reduces the margins of corporations churning out bland drivel. The people being affected by YouTube's musical land grab are not affected by it half so much.
"YouTube... The new MySpace."
If YouTube MySpace, weirdo, you're going to regret the day you were born.
"Who down-voted Cliff ?? "
Some guy called Tobergta, I think.
"Which begs the question, how come gecko feet don't get clogged with dust?"
And the even more pertinent question: why are we sending humans into space to retrieve satellites instead of specially trained geckos?
"Should be "Anyone that can read""
Well, yes. But while anyone who can read can get the information, only criminals can use it because using it is the crime.
Kudos to the bank for issuing the kids with an excuse note, but I can't imagine how it went down with the school. "Please excuse X and Y for being late into school this afternoon. They were here with us at the Bank of Montreal, trying to explain why we shouldn't call the cops on them."
"FAIL you spelt 'your' wrong"
No, I didn't. I admit, though, that I did make a mistake in that I spelt it correctly.
What's the opposite of a Turing test?
Is this really an advance in computing, or does it mark a degeneration in humans? The typical 13-year-old on the internet gets harder to distinguish from an Eliza every year.
"What do you think about X?"
"hurr lol your mom is X"
Tetris is boring
It must be, it's a game four squares.
Seriously: the soundtrack for the C64 version is brilliant. I'm going to listen to the whole damn thing when I can get onto YouTube.
Why is this a surprise to anyone?
We've always known that an iPhone is like a penis. Tell the owner their pride and joy is too small and they'll say they've never had any problems using it or had any complaints about the size, and prising it out of their hand is seemingly impossible.
"Be fair - the Americans win the World Series: every year"
Some confusion there. It's not called the World Series because it's a global competition, but because it was originally sponsored by a newspaper called the World.
On the other foot: back in the 1870s one of those Complete Books For Boys listed rules for baseball that were identical to the rules for rounders in the Complete Book for Girls of the same year.
"how many mice are needed to screw in a light bulb?"
Just two. The real question is how you get them into the light bulb.
Another Hachette job from Amazon
And points deducted from El Reg for not using that one.
Re: Selfie Mode Picture
That depends. Does Roberta have two left hands? Because if not, the person holding the phone is not the person in the selfie.
"I consider myself a light to normal user and use at last 5Gb a month."
We don't all stream porn on our phones, you know.
My heaviest data usage was during the Snooker World Championships, when I had iPlayer on all afternoon and part of the morning five days a week for two weeks. I still didn't go above 3GB for the month.
"I've heard of the love of money, but this is ridiculous."
Well, that's the thing. He may have told the ATM he loved it, but really he was only after its money.
"David Brabham, co-author of the original BBC Elite"
Fans will know that it's David Braben, not Brabham.
On a related note (though not related to Elite): RIP Sir Jack Brabham.
I think it's a mistake to compare this device to a console on the basis of size. It's a PC that has had most of the cooling systems stripped out so it will fit in a smaller case, and being sold at a higher price using the novelty factor as a lever.
Also, due to the aforementioned lack of proper cooling and the temperatures noted in the article, you should expect the components to start degrading within a few months and to burn out completely in perhaps a year if you're lucky.
"... along with some company that no-one has heard of yet ..."
I'm pretty sure that if some company that no-one has heard of yet looks like it could break into the top three, one of the existing top three will purchase it long before it gets that large.
"Player Milking System"
It's less accurate to say "Stuck? Buy a power-up, plus some levels are almost impossible" than it is to say "Some levels are almost impossible unless and until you use a power-up". I've been stuck on some levels for days, then used a power-up I got from the Wheel and mysteriously it becomes much easier on following attempts. Dreamworld levels are especially bad for this; you get nailed again and again by huge numbers of candies from one side of the balance dropping and none from the other, then you use a power-up and suddenly you stop having three straight yellows drop to tip the owl off and you start getting neutral colours instead.
"So I took your advice and guess what... it's a lie."
Shock as political party suspends evil fucker when caught.
Do you think UKIP don't screen people for their political views before putting them forward as a candidate?
"Not as overtly racist, but containing a lot of racist members "
You are aware that the latest batch of UKIP posters about "26 million Bulgamanians are coming to take your job" are essentially identical in content to the Nazis' "Wandering Jew" campaign, right?
The new Apple device: some possibilities
A pedal-powered two wheeled transport device with integrated Apple GPS: the iCycle
A tablet with attached storage container for white earbuds other Apple paraphernalia: the iLid
An old device in a slightly different form, released to placate the herd of Apple fans who are getting restless having had nothing to spend their money on for at least five minutes: the iSoma
Me, rebranded as an Apple product: iLlGetMyCoat
"The quality of a blu-ray over a normal DVD is immense."
One with a proper transfer is, at least.
However, Sony may not be losing BD money on the royalties from disc sales but rather from hardware sales. DVD players got replaced because newer ones got extra features like HD upscaling, but BD started out with everything users could need and apart from adding 3D - which is a niche market - it hasn't gone anywhere since. I've had my current BD player for almost four years now and nothing has come out since that improves on it.
Sony are also hampered a little by their own success with the PS3 and PS4. If you bought a Sony console you already have a 3D-capable BD player. I don't know if the Playstations are still being sold as loss leaders, but if they are then Sony are undercutting their own dedicated hardware.
Thank God she's not a Terminator
"12-gauge auto loader. .45 long slide with laser sighting. Phased plasma rifle in 40-twat range."
"Hey ... you can't put that in there!"
The correct term is...
... "les valseuses", in the context of goolies. Or so I'm led to believe by the movies, anyway.
"For me the only 'update' worth visiting is Pacmania"
I'm curious - what is it like, to be so wrong? The definitive Pac-Man game is Ms Pac-Man, which tweaked the original format and maze to their optimal levels. Nothing since has matched it, not even Championship Edition.
(Smiley face, because there is no Pac-Man icon.)
"Getting married at 18 and being a single parent by 23 were certainly not conventional"
You think? Both my mother and my aunt were married in their teens - my aunt in 1955 and my mother in 1972 - and my mother was a single parent at 23. Slightly outside your window, but when it's happening before and after it was certainly happening in between.
"I wanted to use it for keeping some Word documents and MP3s on"
Just DOCs and MP3s, huh? Don't worry, you won't have to suffer through any more messages like this one I remotely accessed from your system:
"Your attempt to download allthepornontheinternet.zip has failed at 99% due to insufficient disk space. Free additional disk space and try again."
I didn't actually think the Lightning connector was reversible. I grudgingly got an iPad Air last month - it's the only serious way to get tablet implementations of board games - and the Lightning connector always seems to take more than one attempt to fit. Admittedly that's slightly better than the current full USB connector that always takes exactly three attempts to fit despite only having two possible orientations, but I have as much trouble with it as I do with micro-USB on my other devices.
Maybe it's just me.
- One HUNDRED FAMOUS LADIES exposed NUDE online
- Twitter: La la la, we have not heard of any NUDE JLaw, Upton SELFIES
- China: You, Microsoft. Office-Windows 'compatibility'. You have 20 days to explain
- Apple to devs: NO slurping users' HEALTH for sale to Dark Powers
- Rubbish WPS config sees WiFi router keys popped in seconds