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* Posts by Jedit

875 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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El Reg reanimates Cash'n'Carrion merchandising tentacle

Jedit
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"Must be regional since DPD are the best couriers IMHO"

Perhaps it is. But I can only go with what I know, and of around ten parcels I've had shipped to me by DPD only one has arrived on schedule. Because their local collection depot is inaccessible to me as a non-driver I have to be home for those deliveries, so all in all I've wasted at least a week's leave waiting for parcels that never arrived.

My experience with Royal Mail is also the opposite of yours. Their local sorting office is open until 7pm every weekday, 8pm Wednesday, and it even opens on Sunday. A lot of stuff also gets deposited at the local post office just down the street, which as part of a corner shop stays open until 6.30.

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Jedit
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"the web category "Gambling" is not allowed"

Ah, so El Reg will be shipping with DPD then.

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South Londoner wins Reddit MILLIONAIRE not-a-lottery lottery

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"Contracting is more lucrative than that!"

True, but contracting generally requires that you do some actual work - or at least, turn up and pretend to do some actual work. Collecting donations from Reddit can be done from the comfort of your own home.

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CERN's 2014 Xmas gift from the Large Hadron Collider: Two new baryons

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"it's the beauty quark that accounts for their mass being so high"

Someone needs to set up a dating site for single subatomic particles. "BBB (Big Beautiful Baryon) seeks gluon 35-45nm for romance, possible fusion. Do not mail if you are strange."

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Jedit
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Re: What do they do?

You don't need to know what they do, man - this is SCIENCE!

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, human technological development began when we discovered how to make fire by banging rocks together. Now, at the very peak of our civilisation, we are discovering the underpinning secrets of the universe by banging infinitely smaller rocks together. It's wonderful.

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

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Joke

Insecure cameras

Are those cameras that ask you if your bum looks big in the picture?

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DEATH fails to end mobile contract: Widow forced to take HUBBY's ASHES into shop

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Coat

Re: Let's add to the woman's grief

Yes, it was terrible that T-Mobile texted this woman's dead husband to tell him about their broadband ... but it was a lovely service.

Mine's the one with the urn in the pocket...

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UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

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"The more I see of .gov the less I want to see it expand."

The more I see of .gov.uk under Cameron, the more I think it should be classified as extremist material.

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Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title

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"The Bible ... started dark and edgy, then got rebooted to light and fluffy."

Inevitably this happened when the authors sold the movie rights. I understand the going rate for a Gospel was thirty pieces of silver, which really isn't much for the Greatest Story Ever Told.

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No nudity, please, we're GAMING: Twitch asks players to cover up

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Mushroom

"If an adolescent sees a bunch of people comfortable in their bodies..."

You realise you just openly supported adults displaying their genitals to children?

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OK Google, do I have CANCER?

Jedit
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Black Helicopters

As if our privacy wasn't being invaded enough

"I'm sorry, Mr Jedit, but you have colon cancer."

"How do you know? I haven't been in for a check."

"Google have extended the range of their search engine."

Keep multinational corporations out of my rectum!

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Planning to fly? Pour out your shampoo, toss your scissors, RENAME TERRORIST WI-FI!

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"I thought that was the Islamic version of Poundland... "

Beware of their cheap shoddy knock-offs. I don't care how they brand their products - you can't get one virgin for a quid, let alone 72 of them.

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iPad Air 2: Vulture chews on new Apple tablet

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Brighter screen, smaller battery?

Feels like a backstep to me. Why save 21 grams on the device when you can put in a bigger battery and save 100 grams on the charger?

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US court SHUTS DOWN 'scammers posing as Microsoft, Facebook support staff'

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Flame

" I will be visiting India early next year (business), and would love to take a look."

A look? If you're not taking a jerry can of petrol and a box of matches, don't waste your time.

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Lufthansa tosses IT biz to Big Blue, inks outsource deal with IBM

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Mushroom

"I hope I'm wrong."

And I hope you're not. Lufthansa texted me at 1.30am on Monday to tell me my flight was cancelled (due to the strike, which they didn't say), but MAYBE they could get me on an earlier flight. To even possibly get home I had to forgo all sleep, book a replacement train ticket at my own expense and then hope.

Fuck Lufthansa. Let them burn.

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10 Top Tips For PRs Considering Whether To Phone The Register

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"There are some excellent PR people"

Indeed, some PR people are dead.

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Stop

"Those ones should be played along and cajoled"

That is not a good idea, because the scum who use automated messages require you to call them back if you want to speak to someone. This confirms your number as live and adds you to a list of numbers that will be called more often.

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Jedit
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" if anyone here is in advertising or marketing... kill yourself"

It would appear that one person here is in advertising or marketing. That, or the rest have gone for the "advocating mass suicide of the PR industry" dollar. Very big dollar, that one.

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Zippy one-liners, broken promises: Doctor Who on the Orient Express

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Alien

"A textbook example of an anti-climax."

Cutting to the beach was interesting, actually. The Doctor says he saved everyone, but not having seen it we don't know if he was telling the truth or not. He could have saved only Clara and Perkins, and lied to Clara about it so she wouldn't leave.

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Foxconn exec on iPhone 6: You're BENDING it WRONG

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Re: "You're BENDING it WRONG "

That's the point. Gou is saying that the iPhone 6 isn't bending at all, reality is just distorting around it. It's like watching Chemical Ali at work.

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Etsy security rule #1: Don't be a jerk to devs

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Re: Bribe developers with tee-shorts

Why are you all so worried about T-shorts? When worn properly there's no arm in them.

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Mine Bitcoins with PENCIL and PAPER

Jedit
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"Here are some other fun challenges young Bitcoiners can do in their spare time!"

- Find a way to leave the house and meet girls!

Bitcoin never ceases to amaze me. So much intelligence and ingenuity poured into being colossally stupid.

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Indian MOM just LOVES it on Mars, tweets fave holiday snap

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"Where are the $7000 hammers, the $1000 screws and bolts?"

They weren't needed, thanks to one weird trick discovered by a MOM. NASA hates her!

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NSFW: Click here, watch iPhone 6 being TORTURED

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Boffin

I do not think these tests are realistic or accurate

How can they be accurate, when they're not conducted on a device in normal operating conditions? The tests should be repeated with the iPhones in their owners' pockets or hands.

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Apple iPhone 6: Looking good, slim. AW... your battery died

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Black Helicopters

"The lengths Apple went to to keep us away from the new iPhones was amusing"

And is probably the real reason iPhones cost so much more. Hiring security ain't cheap, you know - they have to make it back somewhere.

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EE buys 58 Phones 4u stores for £2.5m after picking over carcass

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"making space for something more useful"

Like payday loan companies and cheque cashing bureaux? Letting agents and bookies aren't half as bad as those bastards.

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Apple gives fanbois The Sweetest Thing: A delete button for that U2 album

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"They should've retired after "All That You Can't Leave Behind"."

But surely the new Apple tool means you can leave it behind?

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Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched

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Coat

It's been more than three days, Tim

He's not coming back.

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spɹɐʍʞɔɐB writing is spammers' new mail filter avoidance trick

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Facepalm

"Who in their right mind is going to click on a link in something that they can't read?"

The point is that you can read it. The text is only in reverse in the code; the right-to-left display algorithm returns it to the correct orientation when it displays on your screen.

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Gaming supremo creates maps that turn real world into Sim City

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Alien

"Turn the real world into Sim City"

I read that as "Sin City", and pictured Google Maps with Instagram filters turning the Street View into distorted three-colour images and showing where to find the prostitutes and hitmen.

Actually, that might be more useful. Get to it, programmers.

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Apple's ONE LESS THING: the iPod Classic disappears

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"replace them when [...] their hard drives start making nasty sounds.

Surely there is no need to replace the entire device if this happens? Just delete the Katy Perry albums and the problem goes away by itself.

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Russia: SEXY LIZARDS which landed FROM SPACE are all DEAD

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"This is Olga. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit."

Do not be fearing, little Western man. Before date I shave leg, armpit *and* chest!

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Tim Cook: 'I'd call what's going on in fondleslabs a speed bump'

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Black Helicopters

Charles Stross hates Word?

Well, now we know what the next exciting instalment of BOFH will be about, don't we?

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That 8TB Seagate MONSTER? It's HERE... (You'll have to squint, 'cos there are no specs)

Jedit
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Boffin

"I would put it in the Petabyte range at least"

Well, duh - that's why you put it all in a RAR file!

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Jedit
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Paris Hilton

Nobody has yet asked the important question

Does this drive have sufficient space to store allthepornontheinternet.rar?

(Paris, because she has sufficient space to store anything.)

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Your Bitcoins aren't money – but it is barter, so we'll tax it, ta ... says Australia's taxman

Jedit
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Headmaster

"you could always live like Lee from The Magnificent Seven"

Pedant: Lee was having no trouble spending his ill-gotten gains. He was being charged $20 a day to hole up in a shed.

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Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

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"it's a wonder you didn't get a couple of bullets to the head."

Be patient, EE had to see the results before commissioning hitmen.

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Wetsuits, sunshine, bikini babes and a competitive streak: Epyx California Games

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"These guys owe me a joystick"

No, they don't. In fact, Epyx sports games were best known for not being joystick thrashers. Their preferred control systems were rotational and/or rhythmic.

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Jedit
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"It was good, but it wasn't Winter Games."

And Winter Games wasn't World Games, or Summer Games II. Great series overall, though, with the exception of California Games.

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Dodgy payday loan ads make up 83% of cases probed by UK's FCA

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"At least someone is making money off the stupid this way"

There are already laws to defend the mentally handicapped aganst sexual exploitation, but raping their wallets is OK in your little world I guess?

The people who go to payday loan companies are mainly desperate, not stupid. They're taking the loan so they can pay the rent or eat. Sure, there will be the odd cretin who goes to Wonga so he can buy a PS4 and those people deserve whatever they get, but in the main payday loan companies are morally equivalent to a man offering a homeless woman a bed for the night if she'll fuck him.

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Jedit
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"Right now, you're pikers but gaining fast."

If we're still small compared to Americans, surely we're pikelets?

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Scottish independence debate: STV player flops under weight of viewers

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"you are assuming the English would vote to keep the union. Where's the evidence of that?"

Several large polls have been conducted on the subject, and they all show that support for the Union is even higher in the rest of the UK than it is in Scotland.

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BANGKOK-BLOCKED: Thailand's dictators 'ban dictator sim Tropico 5'

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Holmes

"No-one seems to have got a first-hand statement from the Thai gov't."

There was such a statement, but the government blocked it because it made them look bad.

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Apple orders huge MOUNTAIN of 80 MILLION 'Air' iPhone 6s

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"referring to Jesus in your headline for the article isn't in good taste and objectionable"

I agree. Keep up the good work.

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Phone charging log helps to convict murderer

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Holmes

"In fact... just don't. Be a good little citizen instead."

Next week on CSI: Baker Street:

"The killer refrained from using omnibuses, hansom cabs or his own vehicles to commit this murder, Watson. You might say ... the game is afoot!"

YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

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Jedit
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I think there's a moral to be derived from this story

"Buy the extended life battery".

(What's that you say? iPhones don't have user-fitted batteries? So much for functionality, you can't even murder your wife with one.)

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Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!

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"Does anyone know why it will take 9 months for the full data download to occur?"

That's how long it will take for Starbucks to set up a franchise.

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YES: Scotland declares independence ... from the dot co dot uk empire

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"If Scotland get independance, I'll be the first one to move there."

I'll swap you - if Scotland gets independence, I'll be the first to leave. Take a look at the report on Scottish independence in the current issue of the Economist. Salmond's plan for independence is to spend all the oil money and hope it brings in business. Students of history will note that in general terms this is painfully similar to the Darien Project, where Scotland overcommitted its existing resources to New World colonisation in the hope that this would bring in great wealth. The gamble didn't pay off, and the result was... Scotland having to sign the Act of Union.

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The Windows 8 dilemma: Win 8 or wait for 9?

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"Windows 7 isn't easy to purchase anymore, if at all."

Yes, but there are ways to find a copy if you're willing to put in the effort. Try this plan:

1) Go to obscure online retailer www.amazon.com.

2) Search for "Windows 7" in Software - the site search engine should automatically recommend this department.

3) Buy the item at the very top of the page.

It gets slightly more complex if you want Pro or Ultimate. Then you have to perform an intermediary step where you scroll down to find the specific item you want, as it is further down the first page.

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