* Posts by Jedit

994 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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Ex top judge admits he's incapable of reading email, doesn't own a PC

Jedit
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Pint

Re: Life imitates NTNOCN

The Deluxe is the one with real hair, isn't it?

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Vote now: Who can solve a problem like Ashley Madison?

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Black Helicopters

I did not vote in this poll

How could I? There was no option to select Ethan Hunt.

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The most tragic thing about the Ashley Madison hack? It was really 1% actual women

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Holmes

Re: Rule 29

I thought it was "The internet, where men are real men, women are also real men and children are the police"?

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What Ashley Madison did and did NOT delete if you paid $19 – and why it may cost it $5m+

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Mushroom

"... then complaining when telesales phone them up. Idiots."

If you claim to have deleted my records completely then your sales department phones me up, then either you're lying about deleting records or your company is cold calling. Either way, if you think I'm an idiot for being angry about that you can go fuck yourself.

E: Doctor Syntax - you'd be amazed how many companies give zero shits about the TPS. They get around regulations by claiming it's a market research call so they can claim you consented to receive the sales pitch if you answer any questions, or by saying each time they call that they're very sorry, it was a mistake and they'll take you off the list (which wears thin after the third or 23rd time, but hey - they didn't know, they just have a list). That's assuming they don't simply base their call centres outside the UK, or not give their number and/or company name so you can't even file a TPS complaint.

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Adulterers antsy as 'entire' Ashley Madison databases leak online

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"Ashley Madison is such an awful name"

They chose it based on commonality of use. I forget if it was just the two most popular girls names that year or the names most commonly used by women being anonymous, but you could probably Google it.

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Boffin

"emails from match.com ... which I definitely never signed up for"

Match.com bought OKCupid a little while ago. If you had a profile there they may be trying to persuade you onto the paid service.

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Feeling a physical present: Ten summer games and gadgets

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Exploited Cretins

Please do not recommend Exploding Kittens to anyone, ever, not even ironically. Not even if you hate them. It is terrible in every way.

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Monster Scalextric Formula 1 circuit to go under the hammer

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"Looks flat to me so there is no Eau Rouge"

it's not flat(!!!). The circuit is a figure eight, so it couldn't be flat without terrain rises - which are clearly visible in the photo anyway.

I can't tell from the angle if Eau Rouge is on the circuit, unfortunately.

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Another death in Apple's 'Mordor' – its Foxconn Chinese assembly plant

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FAIL

"It is only news because it involves Apple"

So you missed the bit of the article where the writer linked to a past El Reg article about Foxconn workers threatening suicide at a factory assembling XBoxes? Perhaps you didn't read it, because it wasn't about Apple.

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Moronic Time cover sets back virtual reality another 12 months

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"a 22-year-old billionaire who hangs out with Mark Zuckerberg"

Well, I suppose the huge wealth makes up in some small way for having to hang out with Mark Zuckerberg.

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Intel emits Skylake CPUs for gamers, overclockers (Psst, you'll need new RAM and a new mobo)

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"Wonder if skylake will be better?"

It will be better In that it will reduce the price of X99 systems, but it's not worth getting. Performance improvements under low stable overclocks are apparently only 2-3% over Haswell-E.

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The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

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"I would like to see it with updated graphics though"

There was a game called Re-Volt released some time around 1999 that might scratch the itch. It's basically Micro Machines crossed with Stunt Car Racer; the "plot" is that the remote controlled cars in a department store come alive at night and drive around the store. The physics model is interesting in that the cars have been modelled to have very little weight, so the feeling is of driving an RC car. Comes with a track designer, too.

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Hole in (Number) Two: MYSTERY golf-course pooper strikes again

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Re: possible new superhero

He's a diamond in the rough, and something entirely different on the green.

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Game over, Ouya, the Android gaming console

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Devil

"put your questions and curiosity in a box, and bury it deep."

It can go in the same box as your Ouya. At last, value for money from that project!

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Are you a Tory-voting IT contractor? Congrats! Osborne is hiking your taxes

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Terminator

"At which point, believe it or not, the government will get less tax, not more"

Really? Damn. I guess the Tories will just have to cut even more public services and sell off the NHS even faster. Of course that haste means they won't be able to negotiate the best deals, so their rich mates will be paid more and buy for less, but that's a sacrifice they're willing to make.

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Grooveshark cofounder Josh Greenberg dead at 28

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Headmaster

"How can they say there's "no foul play" if 'the cause of death has not yet been determined"?"

They didn't say "no foul play", they said "no evidence of foul play". It's an important distinction. What they mean is there were no signs of forced entry, no injuries on the body, no indicators of poisoning or OD and so on. So until they have a post mortem indicating that Greenberg might have been murdered, they're not starting an investigation.

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Your poster guide: A fascinating glimpse into North Korea's 'internet'

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Big Brother

"it is actually possible, by law, to avoid any mention of Kim Kardashian"

That's not the Kim they'd rather avoid mention of.

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British spooks wave through Samsung S6 mobes for UK govt bods

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Alien

An obvious ploy

This is only happening because the MPs want them to play games on, and the S6 range have been selected because they want to get that unique card back for Hearthstone.

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Reddit CEO U-turn: Site no longer a bastion of free speech – and stop posting so much hate

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"Too bad you Brits don't get to have free speech, it's quite nice"

In 2011 Reddit had to be pressured into removing a number of subreddits like r/jailbait for posting content that was legally classified as child pornography. If that's freedom of speech, you can keep it.

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New Horizons: We've got a pretty pic of Pluto. Now let's get our SCIENCE on

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Headmaster

"Is that exceptional, and if not, why not?"

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" - Isaac Newton

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FLYING PIG crash-lands in Utah: Rider survives, bacon saved

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Devil

"When a 100' tall grinning Tony Blair goes floating past my window"

"Mr Notspartacus, you stand accused of firing multiple shotgun blasts into a 100' hot air balloon shaped like the head of Tony Blair, causing thousands of pounds of property damage and a serious public disturbance. There are twenty-seven witnesses to you performing these acts, and the police found you with the shotgun still in your hands. And yet you continue to protest your innocence. How can you possibly justify such a claim?"

"Your Honour, I thought it was the real thing."

"Case dismissed." *thunk*

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Dexter maker Showtime streams over the 'net, joins cable-cutting gang

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FAIL

They're streaming Dexter?

Then I'm out. God, that show turned into a trainwreck.

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Call that a mugshot? Aussie model/fugitive asks rozzers for more flattering pic

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Black Helicopters

"the secret image processing algorithms in passport photo machines "

The reason everyone looks like a mugshot in a passport photo is because you're commanded to do the same things - look directly at the camera, do not smile - and they use the same plain white background to highlight your face. It's intentional: the object in both cases is to make you easily recognisable from the photo.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Uitsmijter

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Pirate

"I'm still too sure what the one with the four pointy bits is for."

Stabbing Southrons when they exhibit contempt for the North.

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Reddit meltdown: Top chat boards hidden as rebellion breaks out

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"If you were waiting for a real Reddit shitstorm"

You mean Paedogeddon 2011 wasn't a real shitstorm?

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Cunning goldfish avoided predator in tank for seven years

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Coat

"Come and see my 10" I've been keeping it out of the light"

So nobody's seen it in seven years? No wonder it's so pale.

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Get READY: Scientists set to make TIME STAND STILL tonight

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IT Angle

"I hadn't realised that noise Coldplay makes is songs."

Album's out and the songs are lame

All of them sounding just the same

Gwyneth Paltrow sucked my dick

But I still whine till it makes you sick

Singing "Nyeeerrrrrr .... waaahhhhh"

(Continue for 500,000 more sales)

The IT angle? You can't spell "SHIT" without "IT".

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Indiana Jones whips Bond in greatest movie character poll

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Mushroom

Re: Ms. Fowler Was Wrong. Indy Did Make A Difference.

Which is another reason why Indy is important in the movie.

On the other hand, it hardly needed a huge long discussion to determine that The Big Bang Theory is unfunny moronic shit that grossly misrepresents every aspect of the subject and people it depicts. For that it gets the nuclear blast icon, from which it shall not receive even the dubious protection of Dr Jones' refrigerator.

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DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

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"Then we'd be talking custardy for sure."

And she'd no doubt get her just desserts.

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Jedit
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Coat

"Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?"

I don't like that recipe. As they say in Italy: needs more-a salt.

(Yes, yes, that one was even worse.)

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Limited edition Iron Man S6 sells for $91,000 thanks to ... serial number

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Boffin

"I just spent 45 minutes preparing what equated to meat and three veg."

If that's a euphemism for masturbation, you will be of great interest to medical science. Either they'll want to find out why you're not made as most men, or they'll want to find out how someone can type coherent sentences while being unable to count to two.

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British banks consider emoji as password replacement

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WTF?

"the chances of anyone /else/ being able to decipher the password are greatly reduced"

I must be missing something here. Nobody I know writes down emojis, so surely anyone seeing four of them on a Post-It would immediately know it was a password?

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In memoriam: Christopher Lee, Hammer's Count Dracula

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"Probably saw and did things that were difficult to deal with."

Though he did famously tell Peter Jackson on the set of Lord of the Rings that "that's not how you stab someone".

One interesting fact is that Lee worked with Ian Fleming in the SOE. It's believed in some parts that Lee was part of the inspiration for James Bond: a man capable both of performing commando raids and moving in the upper echelons of society without looking out of place.

Sir Christopher Lee. Movie star, stabber of Nazis and heavy metal god. Ave atque vale.

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Gonna RUB MYSELF against the WALL: Microsoft's Surface Hub 84" monster-slab

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"Appreciate this is 80 odd inches but still."

Don't forget there's also a 55" version. Useful for the people who are interested in the Surface Wall but would prefer a device that will fit in their pocket.

(What? If you can spend $7000 on a tablet you must have extremely deep pockets.)

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'Stolen' art found on nearby shelf. Police keep looking anyway

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Re: Head in the Cloud storage?

All those Floyd puns and you couldn't come up with "up against The Wall"?

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Voyager 2 'stopped' last week, and not just for maintenance

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"Why is that guy not safe for Voyager?"

He probably wants to have sex with it.

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Swordfish fatally stabs man after man stabs, fatally, swordfish

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IT Angle

"I wonder if J R Hartley used to receive abuse and death threats?"

Nah. Dude may have fished, but he was fly.

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Apple: Relax, fanbois! We never meant to read your heart rate during wild wrist action

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" how does this relate to the article?"

Without that particular feature the wrist action of the title is unlikely to happen, no?

Regarding the above "fail at science" comment: it was an error made while typing in haste. Of course it is the Y chromosome that induces male characteristics. Still, it's a mistake anyone could make - X is the one with the extra leg, after all.

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Boffin

"Yup, it's a feature, not a bug ..."

The default template for the sensitive bit between your legs is the clitoris; it's the X chromosome that carries the "corrupted data" that modifies a clitoris into a penis. So technically, it's both a feature and a bug.

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Long, sticky summer ahead: Win 10 will be with OEMs by 31 August

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"In the name of all that's holy, DON'T TOUCH THAT ICON!"

Actually there's no reason not to. According to the blurb, Win10 will download automatically when it's released (3GB) but will not automatically install. So, you can grab your free OS in case MS close off downloads before SP1 is released.

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Jedit
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Re: What happened to the talk about the "free" upgrades from 7 & 8?

Check your taskbar. I got a notification asking me to pre-register for free upgrade this morning.

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Trial halted as Kartoon defence attorney arrested after warrant discovery

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Re: "There’s going to be smarter lawyers out there, but no one’s going to work harder than I will."

Well, at least there's one small advantage to having a lawyer on amphetamines...

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RAF Eurofighter gets a Battle of Britain makeover

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"They'll be painting them purple and yellow before long"

I assume you mean the Hurricanes? UKIP will want to send the Eurofighters back where they came from.

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Call girl gets six years for Googler's drug death

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Coat

"I think the solution is giving the police more heavy weaponry."

I think the solution is letting coppers moonlight as sex workers. Then wealthy men won't have to worry about being fatally fixed by their companion for the weekend, because they'll have a police escort.

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Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

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"which you're legally allowed to use if you have an appropriate license"

Well, I'm sure car thieves will be reassured to know that they're not illegally jamming the locks.

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LOHAN's final test flight set to honour PRATCHETT

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"I hate to pick up on a typo"

It's not a typo, it's your lack of grammar. Pterry's popularity is not in the past tense. Sadly, the man himself is. The GNU is just the technical equivalent of a man not being truly dead so long as he is remembered.

Which reminds me of the old Rowan Atkinson piece:

"Gone, but not forgotten. It could be worse. You could be gone and forgotten. Worse still, you could be forgotten and NOT DEAD."

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Microsoft celebrates 25 years' SOLITARY SELF-PLEASURE with GROUP SESSION

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Terminator

Multiplayer Solitaire?

Maybe it's a speed run?

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Doom is BOOM! BOOM! BACK!

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Joke

"A Demon, in Command Center's dark maze, with a Rocket Launcher!!!!"

Sorry, you lose - it was Colonel Mustard in the Command Centre with the BFG-9000.

(Which joke makes me wish for a moment that there was a Doom-themed Cluedo.)

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Angel

"IDQDQ and IDKFA are easy to remember"

Evidently not, because it's IDDQD and you were replying to a post with it in.

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