* Posts by Jedit

983 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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The Breakfast (Table) of Champions: Micro Machines

Jedit
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"I would like to see it with updated graphics though"

There was a game called Re-Volt released some time around 1999 that might scratch the itch. It's basically Micro Machines crossed with Stunt Car Racer; the "plot" is that the remote controlled cars in a department store come alive at night and drive around the store. The physics model is interesting in that the cars have been modelled to have very little weight, so the feeling is of driving an RC car. Comes with a track designer, too.

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Hole in (Number) Two: MYSTERY golf-course pooper strikes again

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Re: possible new superhero

He's a diamond in the rough, and something entirely different on the green.

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Game over, Ouya, the Android gaming console

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Devil

"put your questions and curiosity in a box, and bury it deep."

It can go in the same box as your Ouya. At last, value for money from that project!

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Are you a Tory-voting IT contractor? Congrats! Osborne is hiking your taxes

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Terminator

"At which point, believe it or not, the government will get less tax, not more"

Really? Damn. I guess the Tories will just have to cut even more public services and sell off the NHS even faster. Of course that haste means they won't be able to negotiate the best deals, so their rich mates will be paid more and buy for less, but that's a sacrifice they're willing to make.

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Grooveshark cofounder Josh Greenberg dead at 28

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Headmaster

"How can they say there's "no foul play" if 'the cause of death has not yet been determined"?"

They didn't say "no foul play", they said "no evidence of foul play". It's an important distinction. What they mean is there were no signs of forced entry, no injuries on the body, no indicators of poisoning or OD and so on. So until they have a post mortem indicating that Greenberg might have been murdered, they're not starting an investigation.

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Your poster guide: A fascinating glimpse into North Korea's 'internet'

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Big Brother

"it is actually possible, by law, to avoid any mention of Kim Kardashian"

That's not the Kim they'd rather avoid mention of.

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British spooks wave through Samsung S6 mobes for UK govt bods

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Alien

An obvious ploy

This is only happening because the MPs want them to play games on, and the S6 range have been selected because they want to get that unique card back for Hearthstone.

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Reddit CEO U-turn: Site no longer a bastion of free speech – and stop posting so much hate

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"Too bad you Brits don't get to have free speech, it's quite nice"

In 2011 Reddit had to be pressured into removing a number of subreddits like r/jailbait for posting content that was legally classified as child pornography. If that's freedom of speech, you can keep it.

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New Horizons: We've got a pretty pic of Pluto. Now let's get our SCIENCE on

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Headmaster

"Is that exceptional, and if not, why not?"

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" - Isaac Newton

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FLYING PIG crash-lands in Utah: Rider survives, bacon saved

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Devil

"When a 100' tall grinning Tony Blair goes floating past my window"

"Mr Notspartacus, you stand accused of firing multiple shotgun blasts into a 100' hot air balloon shaped like the head of Tony Blair, causing thousands of pounds of property damage and a serious public disturbance. There are twenty-seven witnesses to you performing these acts, and the police found you with the shotgun still in your hands. And yet you continue to protest your innocence. How can you possibly justify such a claim?"

"Your Honour, I thought it was the real thing."

"Case dismissed." *thunk*

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Dexter maker Showtime streams over the 'net, joins cable-cutting gang

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FAIL

They're streaming Dexter?

Then I'm out. God, that show turned into a trainwreck.

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Call that a mugshot? Aussie model/fugitive asks rozzers for more flattering pic

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Black Helicopters

"the secret image processing algorithms in passport photo machines "

The reason everyone looks like a mugshot in a passport photo is because you're commanded to do the same things - look directly at the camera, do not smile - and they use the same plain white background to highlight your face. It's intentional: the object in both cases is to make you easily recognisable from the photo.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Uitsmijter

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Pirate

"I'm still too sure what the one with the four pointy bits is for."

Stabbing Southrons when they exhibit contempt for the North.

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Reddit meltdown: Top chat boards hidden as rebellion breaks out

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"If you were waiting for a real Reddit shitstorm"

You mean Paedogeddon 2011 wasn't a real shitstorm?

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Cunning goldfish avoided predator in tank for seven years

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Coat

"Come and see my 10" I've been keeping it out of the light"

So nobody's seen it in seven years? No wonder it's so pale.

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Get READY: Scientists set to make TIME STAND STILL tonight

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IT Angle

"I hadn't realised that noise Coldplay makes is songs."

Album's out and the songs are lame

All of them sounding just the same

Gwyneth Paltrow sucked my dick

But I still whine till it makes you sick

Singing "Nyeeerrrrrr .... waaahhhhh"

(Continue for 500,000 more sales)

The IT angle? You can't spell "SHIT" without "IT".

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Indiana Jones whips Bond in greatest movie character poll

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Mushroom

Re: Ms. Fowler Was Wrong. Indy Did Make A Difference.

Which is another reason why Indy is important in the movie.

On the other hand, it hardly needed a huge long discussion to determine that The Big Bang Theory is unfunny moronic shit that grossly misrepresents every aspect of the subject and people it depicts. For that it gets the nuclear blast icon, from which it shall not receive even the dubious protection of Dr Jones' refrigerator.

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DEATH by VEGETABLES: Woman charged with killing boyf using carrots. And peas

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"Then we'd be talking custardy for sure."

And she'd no doubt get her just desserts.

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Jedit
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"Had she attacked him with eggs, milk and flour, would she be on a charge for battery?"

I don't like that recipe. As they say in Italy: needs more-a salt.

(Yes, yes, that one was even worse.)

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Limited edition Iron Man S6 sells for $91,000 thanks to ... serial number

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Boffin

"I just spent 45 minutes preparing what equated to meat and three veg."

If that's a euphemism for masturbation, you will be of great interest to medical science. Either they'll want to find out why you're not made as most men, or they'll want to find out how someone can type coherent sentences while being unable to count to two.

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British banks consider emoji as password replacement

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WTF?

"the chances of anyone /else/ being able to decipher the password are greatly reduced"

I must be missing something here. Nobody I know writes down emojis, so surely anyone seeing four of them on a Post-It would immediately know it was a password?

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In memoriam: Christopher Lee, Hammer's Count Dracula

Jedit
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"Probably saw and did things that were difficult to deal with."

Though he did famously tell Peter Jackson on the set of Lord of the Rings that "that's not how you stab someone".

One interesting fact is that Lee worked with Ian Fleming in the SOE. It's believed in some parts that Lee was part of the inspiration for James Bond: a man capable both of performing commando raids and moving in the upper echelons of society without looking out of place.

Sir Christopher Lee. Movie star, stabber of Nazis and heavy metal god. Ave atque vale.

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Gonna RUB MYSELF against the WALL: Microsoft's Surface Hub 84" monster-slab

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"Appreciate this is 80 odd inches but still."

Don't forget there's also a 55" version. Useful for the people who are interested in the Surface Wall but would prefer a device that will fit in their pocket.

(What? If you can spend $7000 on a tablet you must have extremely deep pockets.)

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'Stolen' art found on nearby shelf. Police keep looking anyway

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Re: Head in the Cloud storage?

All those Floyd puns and you couldn't come up with "up against The Wall"?

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Voyager 2 'stopped' last week, and not just for maintenance

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"Why is that guy not safe for Voyager?"

He probably wants to have sex with it.

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Swordfish fatally stabs man after man stabs, fatally, swordfish

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IT Angle

"I wonder if J R Hartley used to receive abuse and death threats?"

Nah. Dude may have fished, but he was fly.

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Apple: Relax, fanbois! We never meant to read your heart rate during wild wrist action

Jedit
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" how does this relate to the article?"

Without that particular feature the wrist action of the title is unlikely to happen, no?

Regarding the above "fail at science" comment: it was an error made while typing in haste. Of course it is the Y chromosome that induces male characteristics. Still, it's a mistake anyone could make - X is the one with the extra leg, after all.

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Jedit
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Boffin

"Yup, it's a feature, not a bug ..."

The default template for the sensitive bit between your legs is the clitoris; it's the X chromosome that carries the "corrupted data" that modifies a clitoris into a penis. So technically, it's both a feature and a bug.

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Long, sticky summer ahead: Win 10 will be with OEMs by 31 August

Jedit
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"In the name of all that's holy, DON'T TOUCH THAT ICON!"

Actually there's no reason not to. According to the blurb, Win10 will download automatically when it's released (3GB) but will not automatically install. So, you can grab your free OS in case MS close off downloads before SP1 is released.

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Jedit
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Re: What happened to the talk about the "free" upgrades from 7 & 8?

Check your taskbar. I got a notification asking me to pre-register for free upgrade this morning.

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Trial halted as Kartoon defence attorney arrested after warrant discovery

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Re: "There’s going to be smarter lawyers out there, but no one’s going to work harder than I will."

Well, at least there's one small advantage to having a lawyer on amphetamines...

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RAF Eurofighter gets a Battle of Britain makeover

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"They'll be painting them purple and yellow before long"

I assume you mean the Hurricanes? UKIP will want to send the Eurofighters back where they came from.

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Call girl gets six years for Googler's drug death

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Coat

"I think the solution is giving the police more heavy weaponry."

I think the solution is letting coppers moonlight as sex workers. Then wealthy men won't have to worry about being fatally fixed by their companion for the weekend, because they'll have a police escort.

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Manchester car park lock hack leads to horn-blare hoo-ha

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"which you're legally allowed to use if you have an appropriate license"

Well, I'm sure car thieves will be reassured to know that they're not illegally jamming the locks.

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LOHAN's final test flight set to honour PRATCHETT

Jedit
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"I hate to pick up on a typo"

It's not a typo, it's your lack of grammar. Pterry's popularity is not in the past tense. Sadly, the man himself is. The GNU is just the technical equivalent of a man not being truly dead so long as he is remembered.

Which reminds me of the old Rowan Atkinson piece:

"Gone, but not forgotten. It could be worse. You could be gone and forgotten. Worse still, you could be forgotten and NOT DEAD."

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Microsoft celebrates 25 years' SOLITARY SELF-PLEASURE with GROUP SESSION

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Terminator

Multiplayer Solitaire?

Maybe it's a speed run?

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Doom is BOOM! BOOM! BACK!

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Joke

"A Demon, in Command Center's dark maze, with a Rocket Launcher!!!!"

Sorry, you lose - it was Colonel Mustard in the Command Centre with the BFG-9000.

(Which joke makes me wish for a moment that there was a Doom-themed Cluedo.)

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Jedit
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Angel

"IDQDQ and IDKFA are easy to remember"

Evidently not, because it's IDDQD and you were replying to a post with it in.

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Mad Max: Fury Road – two hours of nonstop, utterly insane fantasy action

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Devil

"Stick your inner child back up your arse"

It's called Fury Road, not Tory Road.

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Blocking pirate sites doesn't weaken pirates say Euroboffins

Jedit
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"... but if I write a song about my discovery ...."

It amazes me that scientists and engineers have not yet hit upon the wizard wheeze of setting their discoveries and inventions to music. Kleinfeld's Symphony No.1 (A Method For Destroying Melanoma Through Non-Aggressive Microwave Radiation Therapy) would be a big hit I'm sure.

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CSI GALAXY: Cause of death = STRANGULATION

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Coat

I guess you could call it...

... astroerotic asphyxiation.

<puts on sunglasses>

YEAAHHHHHH!!!!

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Extreme community policing: West Virginia crook pepper-sprays HIMSELF mid-robbery

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"maybe the driver or his family were being threatened so he felt he had no choice"

That must have been an interesting conversation.

"Drive! Or I'll spray myself in the face again!"

"No! No! I'll do it!"

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Cylon is golden: Backstabbing bank holiday board games

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"I'll stick to the pub - far better conversation there"

My group meets in the pub, so we get the best of both worlds - assuming we don't run into any idiots like you, that is.

I'm not really a fan of the games on this list. Game of Thrones strictly needs six, BSG takes way too long for what it is, Saboteur is plain dull and anyone who recommends Munchkin to anyone ought to be shot. My go-to list is:

Kemet - an area control game with all the viciousness of GOT in less than half the time, and it scales. Viticulture - a worker placement game about running a vineyard in Italy. Very smooth, easy for beginners to pick up despite having a fair few elements.

One Night Ultimate Werewolf - a social traitor game that plays in 15 minutes.

Hyperborea - a 4X game where you build an engine by buying cubes that let you perform different actions, angling towards three different victory conditions.

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Oxford chaps solve problem in 1982 Sinclair Spectrum manual

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Headmaster

"Ahhh, but are you executing them in series or parallel?"

I don't think you've correctly defined the problem here. If they're all to be first against the wall, we have to execute them in parallel. Executing them in series would lead to only as many as fit the bus width being first against the wall.

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Jedit
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"They'll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes."

This sort of thinking is why the revolution will never come. We're adding people to the list of those who will be first against the wall faster than we can extend it.

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Hawking hologram comforts One Direction fans with Zayny parallel universe claim

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Coat

1D is "One Direction"?

Good grief, I thought it was a self-referential joke and the band was called One Dimension.

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DRM is NOT THE LAW, I AM THE LAW, says JUDGE DREDD

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Headmaster

Re: "... and the sentence is DEATH".

Dredd has sentenced many people to death. Judge Death's line is specifically "The crime isss life.... the ssssentence isss DEATH!"

tl;dr - grexnix.

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Got a big day planned in 15 BEELLLION years? You need this clock

Jedit
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Pint

"OK who's the sad little fucker down voting a harmless Terry Pratchett meme? "

It wasn't me, but it could be a reaction to overuse. In Pratchett fandom there's a long standing tradition at meets of making people kick 20p into the beer fund if they quote Monty Python for just this reason. And it's justified; I remember a long signing queue where of course the rule wasn't applied, and by the time we got to the front there had been an almost complete recitation of Life of Brian.

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Dead Steve Jobs' wage-fixing pact in Silicon Valley was news to us, claim Apple directors

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Flame

Jobs Vacant

For exactly how long can Apple blame Jobs for every shitty thing they do? Probably forever, I suppose - I'm told he believed in reincarnation. As soon as he popped his clogs Apple execs were likely out there looking for a child born at the same moment, like the Dalai Lama.

Perhaps we should get it all out of the way at once and hold a Cadaver Synod. Dig up Jobs's body, try him for everything all at once, cut off his swiping fingers and throw the rest in the river. Then we can all get on with our lives and actually blame the corporation for the reprehensible things it does.

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