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* Posts by Jedit

848 posts • joined 3 Jul 2010

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Apple gives fanbois The Sweetest Thing: A delete button for that U2 album

Jedit
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"They should've retired after "All That You Can't Leave Behind"."

But surely the new Apple tool means you can leave it behind?

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Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched

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Coat

It's been more than three days, Tim

He's not coming back.

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spɹɐʍʞɔɐB writing is spammers' new mail filter avoidance trick

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Facepalm

"Who in their right mind is going to click on a link in something that they can't read?"

The point is that you can read it. The text is only in reverse in the code; the right-to-left display algorithm returns it to the correct orientation when it displays on your screen.

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Gaming supremo creates maps that turn real world into Sim City

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Alien

"Turn the real world into Sim City"

I read that as "Sin City", and pictured Google Maps with Instagram filters turning the Street View into distorted three-colour images and showing where to find the prostitutes and hitmen.

Actually, that might be more useful. Get to it, programmers.

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Apple's ONE LESS THING: the iPod Classic disappears

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"replace them when [...] their hard drives start making nasty sounds.

Surely there is no need to replace the entire device if this happens? Just delete the Katy Perry albums and the problem goes away by itself.

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Russia: SEXY LIZARDS which landed FROM SPACE are all DEAD

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"This is Olga. She is shot-putting champion. Have nice month in orbit."

Do not be fearing, little Western man. Before date I shave leg, armpit *and* chest!

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Tim Cook: 'I'd call what's going on in fondleslabs a speed bump'

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Black Helicopters

Charles Stross hates Word?

Well, now we know what the next exciting instalment of BOFH will be about, don't we?

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That 8TB Seagate MONSTER? It's HERE... (You'll have to squint, 'cos there are no specs)

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Boffin

"I would put it in the Petabyte range at least"

Well, duh - that's why you put it all in a RAR file!

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Paris Hilton

Nobody has yet asked the important question

Does this drive have sufficient space to store allthepornontheinternet.rar?

(Paris, because she has sufficient space to store anything.)

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Your Bitcoins aren't money – but it is barter, so we'll tax it, ta ... says Australia's taxman

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Headmaster

"you could always live like Lee from The Magnificent Seven"

Pedant: Lee was having no trouble spending his ill-gotten gains. He was being charged $20 a day to hole up in a shed.

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Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

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"it's a wonder you didn't get a couple of bullets to the head."

Be patient, EE had to see the results before commissioning hitmen.

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Wetsuits, sunshine, bikini babes and a competitive streak: Epyx California Games

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"These guys owe me a joystick"

No, they don't. In fact, Epyx sports games were best known for not being joystick thrashers. Their preferred control systems were rotational and/or rhythmic.

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"It was good, but it wasn't Winter Games."

And Winter Games wasn't World Games, or Summer Games II. Great series overall, though, with the exception of California Games.

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Dodgy payday loan ads make up 83% of cases probed by UK's FCA

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"At least someone is making money off the stupid this way"

There are already laws to defend the mentally handicapped aganst sexual exploitation, but raping their wallets is OK in your little world I guess?

The people who go to payday loan companies are mainly desperate, not stupid. They're taking the loan so they can pay the rent or eat. Sure, there will be the odd cretin who goes to Wonga so he can buy a PS4 and those people deserve whatever they get, but in the main payday loan companies are morally equivalent to a man offering a homeless woman a bed for the night if she'll fuck him.

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

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"Right now, you're pikers but gaining fast."

If we're still small compared to Americans, surely we're pikelets?

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Scottish independence debate: STV player flops under weight of viewers

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"you are assuming the English would vote to keep the union. Where's the evidence of that?"

Several large polls have been conducted on the subject, and they all show that support for the Union is even higher in the rest of the UK than it is in Scotland.

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BANGKOK-BLOCKED: Thailand's dictators 'ban dictator sim Tropico 5'

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Holmes

"No-one seems to have got a first-hand statement from the Thai gov't."

There was such a statement, but the government blocked it because it made them look bad.

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Apple orders huge MOUNTAIN of 80 MILLION 'Air' iPhone 6s

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"referring to Jesus in your headline for the article isn't in good taste and objectionable"

I agree. Keep up the good work.

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Phone charging log helps to convict murderer

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Holmes

"In fact... just don't. Be a good little citizen instead."

Next week on CSI: Baker Street:

"The killer refrained from using omnibuses, hansom cabs or his own vehicles to commit this murder, Watson. You might say ... the game is afoot!"

YEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

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Jedit
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I think there's a moral to be derived from this story

"Buy the extended life battery".

(What's that you say? iPhones don't have user-fitted batteries? So much for functionality, you can't even murder your wife with one.)

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Diary note: Pluto's close-up is a year from … now!

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"Does anyone know why it will take 9 months for the full data download to occur?"

That's how long it will take for Starbucks to set up a franchise.

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YES: Scotland declares independence ... from the dot co dot uk empire

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"If Scotland get independance, I'll be the first one to move there."

I'll swap you - if Scotland gets independence, I'll be the first to leave. Take a look at the report on Scottish independence in the current issue of the Economist. Salmond's plan for independence is to spend all the oil money and hope it brings in business. Students of history will note that in general terms this is painfully similar to the Darien Project, where Scotland overcommitted its existing resources to New World colonisation in the hope that this would bring in great wealth. The gamble didn't pay off, and the result was... Scotland having to sign the Act of Union.

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The Windows 8 dilemma: Win 8 or wait for 9?

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"Windows 7 isn't easy to purchase anymore, if at all."

Yes, but there are ways to find a copy if you're willing to put in the effort. Try this plan:

1) Go to obscure online retailer www.amazon.com.

2) Search for "Windows 7" in Software - the site search engine should automatically recommend this department.

3) Buy the item at the very top of the page.

It gets slightly more complex if you want Pro or Ultimate. Then you have to perform an intermediary step where you scroll down to find the specific item you want, as it is further down the first page.

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Star Wars museum to land in Chicago

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Re: Marin and San Francisco counties both screwed the pooch.

Perhaps Chicago was selected because it is a more wretched hive of scum and villainy?

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AT&T plays Game of Thrones: Every bit as ruthless as HBO version

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"Well, as long as they use plenty of Crisco..."

I'd rather see AT&T fall foul of consumers using plenty of Drogo.

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Dutch firm passes the world's first e-spliff to the left hand side

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FAIL

A dark day for reggae

Songs will suffer if the noble joint is consigned to the ashtray of history, and you know it. I mean, who'd listen to this?

I vape 2ml in the morning

I vape 2ml at night

I vape 2ml in the afternoon

It makes me feel alright

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YouTube in shock indie music nuke: We all feel a little less worthy today

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"Downvotes or not, this is a valid comment."

Yes, it is. YouTube are trying to get something for nothing, or at least as little as they can get away with.

So it's a pity that your comment had to be flavoured with the "internet piracy is killing music" crap that we hear all the time from RIAA and their cronies - something that has been proven false time and again by indie artists discovering that giving some of their music away for free on the web actually increased their sales.

Internet piracy reduces the margins of corporations churning out bland drivel. The people being affected by YouTube's musical land grab are not affected by it half so much.

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YouTube will nuke indie music videos in DAYS, says Google exec

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Trollface

"YouTube... The new MySpace."

If YouTube MySpace, weirdo, you're going to regret the day you were born.

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Ohio man cuffed AGAIN for shagging inflatable pool raft

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"Who down-voted Cliff ?? "

Some guy called Tobergta, I think.

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SPIDER-TROOP, Spider-troop, does whatever a spider troop can

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"Which begs the question, how come gecko feet don't get clogged with dust?"

And the even more pertinent question: why are we sending humans into space to retrieve satellites instead of specially trained geckos?

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Kids hack Canadian ATM during LUNCH HOUR

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"Should be "Anyone that can read""

Well, yes. But while anyone who can read can get the information, only criminals can use it because using it is the crime.

Kudos to the bank for issuing the kids with an excuse note, but I can't imagine how it went down with the school. "Please excuse X and Y for being late into school this afternoon. They were here with us at the Bank of Montreal, trying to explain why we shouldn't call the cops on them."

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Ukrainian teen created in lab passes Turing Test – famous nutty prof

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Headmaster

"FAIL you spelt 'your' wrong"

No, I didn't. I admit, though, that I did make a mistake in that I spelt it correctly.

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Jedit
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What's the opposite of a Turing test?

Is this really an advance in computing, or does it mark a degeneration in humans? The typical 13-year-old on the internet gets harder to distinguish from an Eliza every year.

"What do you think about X?"

"hurr lol your mom is X"

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Happy Birthday Tetris: It's flipping 30

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Tetris is boring

It must be, it's a game four squares.

Seriously: the soundtrack for the C64 version is brilliant. I'm going to listen to the whole damn thing when I can get onto YouTube.

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Apple? More like FAP-PLE: Fanbois are the BIGGEST PERVS, say people who know

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Why is this a surprise to anyone?

We've always known that an iPhone is like a penis. Tell the owner their pride and joy is too small and they'll say they've never had any problems using it or had any complaints about the size, and prising it out of their hand is seemingly impossible.

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SCIENCE explains why you LOVE the smell of BACON

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Headmaster

"Be fair - the Americans win the World Series: every year"

Some confusion there. It's not called the World Series because it's a global competition, but because it was originally sponsored by a newspaper called the World.

On the other foot: back in the 1870s one of those Complete Books For Boys listed rules for baseball that were identical to the rules for rounders in the Complete Book for Girls of the same year.

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Is the answer to life, the universe and everything hidden in Adams' newly uncovered archive?

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Headmaster

"how many mice are needed to screw in a light bulb?"

Just two. The real question is how you get them into the light bulb.

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Amazon turns screws on French publisher: Don't feel sorry for Hachette, it's just 'negotiation'

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Another Hachette job from Amazon

And points deducted from El Reg for not using that one.

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LG G3 fights off screen-res war rival Samsung with quad-HD cutie: In pictures

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Re: Selfie Mode Picture

That depends. Does Roberta have two left hands? Because if not, the person holding the phone is not the person in the selfie.

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Hey, we'll do 4G for £15, says O2 (just mind how you go on the 1GB limit)

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"I consider myself a light to normal user and use at last 5Gb a month."

We don't all stream porn on our phones, you know.

My heaviest data usage was during the Snooker World Championships, when I had iPlayer on all afternoon and part of the morning five days a week for two weeks. I still didn't go above 3GB for the month.

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Tennessee bloke cuffed for attempting to shag ATM – police

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Angel

"I've heard of the love of money, but this is ridiculous."

Well, that's the thing. He may have told the ATM he loved it, but really he was only after its money.

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Multiplayer Elite to debut on May 30th

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"David Brabham, co-author of the original BBC Elite"

Fans will know that it's David Braben, not Brabham.

On a related note (though not related to Elite): RIP Sir Jack Brabham.

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Gigabyte Brix Pro: You don't need no steenkin' Xbox... when you have 4K-ing amazing graphics

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FAIL

£550 barebones?

I think it's a mistake to compare this device to a console on the basis of size. It's a PC that has had most of the cooling systems stripped out so it will fit in a smaller case, and being sold at a higher price using the novelty factor as a lever.

Also, due to the aforementioned lack of proper cooling and the temperatures noted in the article, you should expect the components to start degrading within a few months and to burn out completely in perhaps a year if you're lucky.

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'We don't think of antivirus as a money maker in any way'

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Meh

"... along with some company that no-one has heard of yet ..."

I'm pretty sure that if some company that no-one has heard of yet looks like it could break into the top three, one of the existing top three will purchase it long before it gets that large.

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King's stocks are candy-crushed as its top toy suffers splurge slump

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"Player Milking System"

It's less accurate to say "Stuck? Buy a power-up, plus some levels are almost impossible" than it is to say "Some levels are almost impossible unless and until you use a power-up". I've been stuck on some levels for days, then used a power-up I got from the Wheel and mysteriously it becomes much easier on following attempts. Dreamworld levels are especially bad for this; you get nailed again and again by huge numbers of candies from one side of the balance dropping and none from the other, then you use a power-up and suddenly you stop having three straight yellows drop to tip the owl off and you start getting neutral colours instead.

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Hacktivists hijack BNP Twitter account, crayon over leader Griffin's too

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"So I took your advice and guess what... it's a lie."

Shock as political party suspends evil fucker when caught.

Do you think UKIP don't screen people for their political views before putting them forward as a candidate?

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Jedit
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Headmaster

"Not as overtly racist, but containing a lot of racist members "

You are aware that the latest batch of UKIP posters about "26 million Bulgamanians are coming to take your job" are essentially identical in content to the Nazis' "Wandering Jew" campaign, right?

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Now is 'the wrong time to send hundreds of millions of dollars to Kremlin' - SpaceX boss

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Coat

The new Apple device: some possibilities

A pedal-powered two wheeled transport device with integrated Apple GPS: the iCycle

A tablet with attached storage container for white earbuds other Apple paraphernalia: the iLid

An old device in a slightly different form, released to placate the herd of Apple fans who are getting restless having had nothing to spend their money on for at least five minutes: the iSoma

Me, rebranded as an Apple product: iLlGetMyCoat

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Sony on the ropes after revising losses UP to $1.3 BEEELLION

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"The quality of a blu-ray over a normal DVD is immense."

One with a proper transfer is, at least.

However, Sony may not be losing BD money on the royalties from disc sales but rather from hardware sales. DVD players got replaced because newer ones got extra features like HD upscaling, but BD started out with everything users could need and apart from adding 3D - which is a niche market - it hasn't gone anywhere since. I've had my current BD player for almost four years now and nothing has come out since that improves on it.

Sony are also hampered a little by their own success with the PS3 and PS4. If you bought a Sony console you already have a 3D-capable BD player. I don't know if the Playstations are still being sold as loss leaders, but if they are then Sony are undercutting their own dedicated hardware.

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Teen girl arrested with 70-year-old man's four inch weapon inside her

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Terminator

Thank God she's not a Terminator

"12-gauge auto loader. .45 long slide with laser sighting. Phased plasma rifle in 40-twat range."

"Hey ... you can't put that in there!"

"Wrong."

<BLAM>

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