* Posts by Derek Acorah

58 posts • joined 10 Jun 2010

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ZOMBIE apocalypse! The 'LIVING DEAD' are HERE – Fox News confirmed it

Derek Acorah
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Lorem Ipsum

As was mentioned a little further up, this sort of thing is why lorem ipusm was 'invented'. Putting humorous jape type content into any system at any environment level is to be discouraged, if you want to avoid looking a bit silly. It's the publishing equivalent of treating every microphone as live, or not putting a gun to your head, even if you are 100% certain it's not loaded. Sorry to be a bit of an old fusspot.

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Funds flung at 9-inch fan-built Raspberry Pi monitor

Derek Acorah
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Re: What on earth is going on with the Pi?

"I was excited by the Pi when it first came out but ultimately I'm more and more disappointed with it - it simply doesn't have a place."

I have 3, and the place for them is as a media player. They cope fantastically, and with speed, flexibility, ease of use etc, the pi xbmc combo puts a smart tv to the sword. They even work via the remote control of a modern TV, no need for a keyboard or phone app like Yatse.

For me, as a general purpose computer from a x window enviroment (web browsing etc), they are a tad slow.

Power supplies are annoying.....if anyone knows of cheap ones that work, please share a link.

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Galaxy is CRAMMED with EARTH-LIKE WORLDS – also ALIENS (probably)

Derek Acorah
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Re: Cool..but also oddly disturbing

They could have visited, but just not been that interested in us. Perhaps the alien dudes would be more impressed with, for example, the biomass of the ant population, the size of the blue whales, or the age of the Redwood trees or coral reefs. Because we are vain and stupid, we would be most impressed with things that are like us. A different culture might think very differently. They might even look on us as an infestation thats ruining the place.

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Windows 8.1: A bit square, sure, but WAIT! It has a Start button

Derek Acorah
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Ah, alt+f4....

Back in the windows 95 days, before yahoo messenger, msn and facebook etc, bored people used to communicate using a window IRC client called mIRC. When a room got a little crowded, one particular person used to invite people to view the 'art pamphlet' he'd just uploaded by pressing alt-f4. The room would suddenly empty, as the majority of people closed their mIRC. Gradually , the userbase would build up again, then he'd say it again, the room would empty again. Halogen days.....

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Down with Unicode! Why 16 bits per character is a right pain in the ASCII

Derek Acorah
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If you cant say what you want to say using ASCII, you are not trying hard enough.

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Hundreds of hackers sought for new £500m UK cyber-bomber strike force

Derek Acorah
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I'm up for it.....

...as long as I get a nice uniform. Something along the lines of the little seen dress uniform from Star Trek TNG. Mini-dresses for dudes.

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Great Britain rebuilt - in Minecraft: Intern reveals 22-BEEELLION block map

Derek Acorah
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Re: Proceed....

It's not so bad, NomNomNom.... They...go in through your nose and...they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. Look! [holds up a jar with a piece of brain in it] Ooh! Hello! Hello there! Who's that big man there? Who's that?

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Derek Acorah
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Go

Proceed....

....with this sort of thing! Any 'negative nellies' in sector 2, please sod off, and join the line for your full frontal lobotomy.

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Phil Collins' daughter 'will give you A VIRUS' – security bods

Derek Acorah
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Phil Collins' daughter 'will give you A VIRUS'

I was actually unaware of this person until today. However, after a few minutes of research, I'd certainly take the risk of contracting pretty much any infection she might have.

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One year to go: Can Scotland really declare gov IT independence?

Derek Acorah
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Re: Tick, v good

I believe that the SNP current plan is for an independent scotland to keep sterling. This being the case, the Bank of England would act as 'lender of last resort'. The BoE would set interest rates and stuff. I've certainly not heard anyone suggest that the BoE be replaced by the BoGB, thus sharing the load. If this were the case that would effectively mean that sterling was a foreign currency for the rUK, and the bond markets and others would crap themselves. Not gonna happen. So, either independent scotland stick with the bank of england and UKP and blame it for all their problems, or they have proper independence, a separate currency, and behave like a real sovereign nation. Which I thought was what the SNP wanted for all these years. Innit?

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Derek Acorah
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Tick, v good

"independence should mean total independence"

Absolutely 100% correct. While they still rely on us for stuff like the Civil Service and the Bank of England, it's not independence at all, just sporran waving. And, Alex will always have someone to blame for the cock up they'll make of it. If they decide they want out, fine by me, but it should be a complete and utter separation. Rebuild the wall.

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Torvalds: 'We're not doing Linux95 … for a few years, at least'

Derek Acorah
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Rule 34

"....and stuck the slab of flash into his wife's Linux-powered Apple Mac."

This just sounds wrong, but would be an excellent test of the mythical Rule 34.

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Cavemen innocent in MAMMOTH MURDER case: DNA evidence

Derek Acorah
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Did the Oggs have a national anthem?

"Let 'em all go to hell, except cave 76."

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Swiss space plane to launch robotic orbital debris destroyer

Derek Acorah
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Re: The slow approach, good housekeeping

The best bet is best practices, don't put stuff up without a plan for safe disposal.....

"'Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? 'That's not my department', says Wernher von Braun."

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Smartwatch craze is all just ONE OFF THE WRIST

Derek Acorah
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Re: "How right you were to wait!"

On first glance i read the ad as 'How right you were twat!". Which is a way better slogan.

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Derek Acorah
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Sinclair black watch

There's one on ebay chief. Either may or may not work, currently at 65 quid.

There may or may not be more, I can't be arsed to do more research.

I'll not be investing. But I do think it's kind of cool, that may be the sinclair 'geek chic' thing it has going for it. Taken to the extreme, you could strap a zx81 to your wrist...

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MPs blocked from ogling 'web smut' 300,000 times – WHILE IN PARLIAMENT

Derek Acorah
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Childcatcher

Claire Perry.......

Tory MP Claire Perry, who is advising the Prime Minister on porn, said yesterday: "The rise of sexting, online bullying, porn and young people documenting their entire lives on the web needs to be a core tenet of how we teach sex and relationships.”

The famous Churchillian quote about 'The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter' deffo works in the inverse. Whenever I see or hear anything that Claire says, I seriously am in awe of the political system that can elect such complete and utter window lickers to represent the people. Take a bow Claire, you are an idiot of the highest possible calibre. And, I bet the good people of Wiltshire return her to the house after the next election to continue to talk bollocks.

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Microsoft to fund Blake's 7 return as Xbox Live exclusive

Derek Acorah
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Re: How to restart Blake's Seven

"Avon walked out of the shower, bare skin glistening with droplets of water, and reached for his hair-dryer..."

If my memory of what the guns looked like on the liberator, he probably then shot himself in the head while trying to dry his hair.

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Make or break: Microsoft sets date for CRUCIAL Win 8.1 launch

Derek Acorah
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Announcing the news, LeBlanc rehashed the rather hollow Redmond party line that Windows 8.1 “continues the vision that began with Windows 8."

Righty...it would appear that 'comical ali' out of the Iraq war is now living by another name in Washington state. In other topical news, the White Star Line have 'continued the vision' of their series of ocean liners with the new 'Titanic'.

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Xbox 180: Microsoft scraps mandatory Kinect policy

Derek Acorah
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Alert

Dearie me...

What else can go wrong with this launch? The project meetings must be so cool. 'Well Dave, at the moment, the major selling point we are running with is that it doesn't cause birth defects.....'

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Tough luck, bumpkins! Blighty broadband speed gap misery worsens

Derek Acorah
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Slower broadband for all please

Look, the slower the connection, the less chance you are going to use it to corrupt children by watching naughty videos or piccies. Let's return to ascii only, much safer. Less bandwidth = less kitten smiting.

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PHWOAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, Prime Minister

Derek Acorah
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Re: Technically Literate Children

Jolly good point old chap.

One would think the religious lobby that perpetuates this sort of 'ban everything' mentality would understand the concept of 'forbidden fruit'. Anything that is prohibited is a temptation.

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WAR ON PORN: UK flicks switch on 'I am a pervert' web filters

Derek Acorah
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A tax on 'thingy'?

It would certainly make chartered accountancy a more interesting job.

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Darth Vader's old gaff awaits exogorth desert DUNE DOOM

Derek Acorah
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Singular please!

"* Exogorth - space slug, akin to the one from whose innards Han, Leia, Chewie and the 'droids escape in The Empire Strikes Back."

Its not in my nature to be pedantic, but certainly in the context you were using it, only one of the 2 leading droids escaped from the big sluggy thing, and that was c3po. R2 had escaped from Hoth not on the Falcon, but in his usual position riding Luke's jaxy in his x wing. Despite this, you clearly used the word 'droids (the plural), whilst taking the time to stick in what is, in my opinion a needless apostrophe. Disgraceful journalism etc etc

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Star Wars missile intercept fails for fifth year running

Derek Acorah
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Re: 5 Years? Try 5 *decades*

'Early attempts would be Nike X and Nike Zeus (1960s)'

Clearly deploying shoes against ICBMs is doomed to fail. Perhaps Doc Martins would have been worth a stab though.

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BBC abandons 3D TV, cites 'disappointing' results

Derek Acorah
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Re: Barely Believable Crap

If you get the BBC for free, congrats on being the oldest poster on el reg.

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El Reg encounters mObi: R2-D2 for retailers

Derek Acorah
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If it doesn't do the r2 beeping as it works, it'll be a let down. For extra credit, it could make a TIE fighter noise as it moves.

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'The Apprentice' is a load of old codswallop, says biz prof

Derek Acorah
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The show is fun to watch, however the format could be improved. I'd get 'Sir Lord' to actually kill the losing candidates, right there in the board room. Using a variety of methods through the weeks, to keep interest. Week one 'firing' could be a recreation of the scene in 'lock stock' where Mr Sugar leaps onto the boardroom table, and beats the loser to death with a 15 inch black rubber 'item'.

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Throwing arms let humans rise above poo-flinging apes to play CRICKET

Derek Acorah
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Re: Nah...

Do the javelin chaps and chapesses throw with a straight or bent arm? Always looks pretty straight to me, like what a fast bowler would do. Particularly Jeff Thompson (who I believe started with the Javelin before migrating to cricket) or that chap from Sri Lanka who's name escapes me. Personally, the best quick I've ever seen was Malcolm Marshall. Under 6 foot, but still lethally fast, accurate, skillful and cunning. I appear to have wandered a bit, apologies to readers from the non crikosphere nations.

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When to say those three little words: 'I am quitting'

Derek Acorah
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Re: "every time you change jobs there is a risk of making a catastrophic mistake"

'In all my years in the game, I have found 2, maybe 3, recruiters I trust, 1 that I definitely don't, and all the others I view with extreme skepticism, not to say cynicism!'

You've been lucky. I've dealt with > 10. Not a single human being among them. Modern day slave traders. Falling into the same category as Estate Agents, Traffic Wardens, double glazing salesman, candidates on the TV programme 'The Apprentice' and similar parasites.

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Derek Acorah
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recruitment consultant? Tosser?......

......You'll be telling us that Ursine mammals defecate in arboreous areas next.

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Badger bloodbath brouhaha brings 'bodge' bumpkin bank burgle bluster

Derek Acorah
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Re: I'm on the fence on this one

I'd get off the fence, and hide behind it. You might get shot.

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Albert Einstein brings cheese and clean pyjamas to space station

Derek Acorah
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Thumb Up

whilst taking the dog for a late night whizz......

Just seen Albert fly overhead. Never fails to amaze me the way they arrive right on time. They never seem to get stuck in traffic.

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All major UK ISPs prepping network-level porn 'n' violence filters

Derek Acorah
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Re: Baby steps

And.......we're at Godwin's Law. Somewhat earlier than usual too.

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New EXPLICIT pics support notion of moist, welcoming past for Mars

Derek Acorah
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Re: There are explanations other than water....

Clearly it wasn't Martians doing that stuff. It was God, probably four to five thousand years ago, at exactly the same time as He created the rest of the universe. The evidence is clearly and unequivocally left on Mars for us to discover, so we can be so confused by this so called 'science' that we stop wondering about this stuff and accept that all the answers are right there for us in the King James Bible. We need to stop going to Mars etc, and go back to burning heretics and wearing hessian undergarments.

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Nine-year-old Opportunity Mars rover sets NASA distance record

Derek Acorah
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Lunokhod

I've always loved the design of the Lunokhod rovers, classic soviet era stuff, solid and functional. "So comrade, we found this old tin bath : what if we put a lid and wheels on it, an sit it on a Proton rocket...."

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Microsoft to unveil new Xbox console on May 21

Derek Acorah
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Re: Genuine Question

Why are tech companies sticking with cd/bluray disk based media? An SD card is smaller, can have capacity to suit the purpose, probably more hardy, faster etc. I'm guessing its cost per unit? Wouldn't economy of scale take care of that eventually? And packaging / transport costs would probs be cheaper. Are big companies just waiting till broadband connections are universal, and able to download big games? Am I just rambling now with pointless random questions?

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TalkTalk ads banned by watchdog over 'misleading' YouView offer

Derek Acorah
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Ditto

They sent it to me, without me parting with £50. Plugged it in, and it worked. Dead easy and ostensibly, its fine. Cancelled Sky. Bloody outrageously cheap offers to try to make me stay, any sky customer paying the rate card shouldn't be, they are more flexible than an Olympic gymnast when you threaten to quit. And, despite letters confirming the cancellation, they still try to take the money each month and get antsy when they cant. Pros.

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NASA-backed fusion engine could cut Mars trip down to 30 days

Derek Acorah
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Re: Impulse?

Not keen on 'Impulse Drive'. Names that accurately describe the process are best. The way I see it, bands or 'straps' if you will, exert pressure 'on' the fuel pellet, producing a 'pulse'. It's clearly a 'Pulsating Strap On Drive'

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Google stokes hype machine over Project Glass robospecs

Derek Acorah
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They all laughed at Christopher Columbus....

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The universe speaks: 'It's time to get off your rock!'

Derek Acorah
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Re: If humans die off ..

Lots of seriously clever humans have warned against anthropocentric tendencies. The idea that humans are the only things here that matter is rooted in the fairy stories of Abrahamic religions, and our sense of self importance could well be a big reason why the planet is generally in such a poo state at the mo.

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Have Brits fallen for Netflix, or do they still LoveFilm?

Derek Acorah
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Seriously thinking of ditching sky. The only dissenter in my house is a somewhat unintelligent child who likes to watch disney channel tweenage garbage ad infinitum(seriously, if you've even seen some of this stuff, it makes the ITV1 saturday nite schedule look quality). I'd be happy to pay a very small fee to be able to stream / download this twaddle to their bedroom tv, thus keeping them out of the way and stopping the whinging. Can anything UK based actually do this? One of the very strange things about streaming / downloading services is their lack of will to actually tell you what they show....

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Leaping hedgehog probes planned for Martian moon Phobos

Derek Acorah
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"tested in simulated low-gravity environments"

So, that'll the local council swimming pool then. But that doesn't sound quite as 'rocket science'.

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Apple shares take biggest one-day hammering in 4 years

Derek Acorah
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Dont panic

He'll be back soon. I admit, its taking a longer than the 3 days it took the last one, but I'm confident he'll return. For it has been written.

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Venus EXPOSED in predawn threesome with Saturn and Mercury

Derek Acorah
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Re: saw it this morning

Good luck with that. I've been casually looking at stars and planets since I was 8, and know my way round the sky pretty good. Mercury is a bugger to spot, even at the best of times. If your horizon is a little hilly and there its less than ideal sky conditions it's dead tricky. I always find a scan with binocs first to find it, then its easier to see without them. Noticing it in the first place in the glow is the difficult bit. Anyway, let me now return from geekdom back to being a good looking rebel who plays by his own rules......

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Swollen SUPER-GIGANTO PLANET sighted in Andromeda

Derek Acorah
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Re: finding an exo planet in another galaxy

Firmly in this galaxy. Its in andromeda the constellation, as opposed to the andromeda galaxy, which is a galaxy that happens to be visible in the constellation andromeda from our viewpoint.

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NASA snaps revealing pix of visiting near-Earth asteroid

Derek Acorah
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Mushroom

Re: Tidings of despair and doom.....

I seem to remember a documentary on the TV a few years ago where thermonuclear warheads were very successfully used to protect the Earth from a nasty impact. It was on TV, perhaps even BBC2; therefore its entirely realistic and feasible. And that's final. I think it was called 'Meteor' with Sean Connery and Karl Malden.

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Paintballs proposed as defense against ASTEROID ATTACK

Derek Acorah
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Re: 5 Tons of black and white paint, eigh?

Using more advanced paint techniques, slow it, and alter its trajectory so it enters the atmosphere, skips across the Atlantic and river Thames, and rolls harmlessly to a stop in the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern, where it can form the centerpiece of a new exhibition of exciting contemporary work. If they can have millions of hand painted sunflower seeds or giant slides, this has gotta be a realistic aim.

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Fifa 13 game review

Derek Acorah
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Re: I'd like to see

Back in the day, I used to play a text based footy management game called 'Champions' on the Dragon 32. Was written in basic, so you could get into the code, and simulate very similar scenarios to the ones you mentioned. Amending that code to report that, instead of having a 'cartilage operation' and missing 6 months of the season, my striker had 'gone mental' and been committed (and other similarly 'hilarious' outcomes), also shaped my career choice, and I'm now an Application Developer. Perhaps, rather than stuff like the Raspberry Pi, providing code that 9 year olds can cock around with would be the way to inspire the next generation of geeks. Okay, I appear to have wandered a bit......

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