* Posts by Trevor_Pott

5207 posts • joined 31 May 2010

Brunner does a runner: Beats designer must hand the brand to Apple

Trevor_Pott
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Re: "Cool things are the things that don't even know they are cool."

Run-of-the-mill twats I can cope with. Hipsters need to be liquified into series of short-chain polymers.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: "Cool things are the things that don't even know they are cool."

No true scotsman is all about someone trying to exclude others from their group by progressively narrowing the definition of the group until it includes people just like them.

I, on the other hand, and very specifically defining a single classification of attitudes and behaviors which I believe are deserving of being loaded into a cannon and fired into the sun.

I am not attempting to draw a narrow circle around people "like me" and excluding everyone else. I am drawing a circle around a small population and saying "the rest of humanity is good, but these fuckers can go to hell."

The no true Sctosman bit is about creating a clique. I'm on about discrimination against and identifiable group, where the group I've identified as needing to be discriminated is "entitled douche canoes."

Now, we could argue that I've chosen the wrong word for the group in question. In my experience, those who self-identify as "Hipster", or are most often identified by others as "Hipster" meet the qualifications for deserving to be trapped in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean with Barney playing on infinite repeat. But perhaps there is a fellow out there who self-identifies as Hipster that isn't part of that group. Okay. I've no problem with that. I think he's probably using the wrong term to describe himself, but that's no skin off my nose.

Unlike "No True Scotsman", I am stating my definition of the group which needs to be trapped in a glacier for all time, and don't actually care at all about the term used to describe them, whereas in "No True Scotsman" the focus is on keeping the term but progressively excluding those who don't fit exactly.

You can replace "Hipsters" in the above comments with "calamari-worshiping jelly fanatics" for all I care. So long as we're clear about who needs to be compressed into a singularity, then the term used to describe them is not relevant.

Cheers.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: "Cool things are the things that don't even know they are cool."

Is the lady a hipster? Because she can go the special hell too. The one reserved for people who pollute their coffee with cream and the blackguards who talk at the theater.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: "Cool things are the things that don't even know they are cool."

No, a hipster is not "anyone" who is not awesome. There are plenty of non-awesome people who aren't hipsters. Hipsters are people obsessed with coolness and appearance while desperately putting obscene amounts of time and effort into appearing not to be obsessed with coolness and appearance.

Hipsters don't do. They whinge. Hipsters can only make themselves feel better by putting others down. Hipsters are perpetually at the bottom of the hierarchy, looking angrily and covetously upwards without the willingness or desire to actually do anything to better their station. Hipsters believe the world owes them a lot more than it does while simultaneously believing they owe the world - and everyone else in it - nothing.

Put simply, hipsters are scum. And all the whining in the world won't change the fact that to get ahead in the world you need to not only actually work for a living, but develop some fucking charisma and perhaps - just perhaps - enough empathy to relate to other human beings.

May their reign last hours, and their deaths years.

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Trevor_Pott
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"Cool things are the things that don't even know they are cool."

I think I speak for most people when I say "I hope hipsters all get cholera and shit themselves to death." Cool just is, bub. There are plenty of people/things that try damned hard to be cool and, as a result, are.

Hipsters, on the other hand, are a plague upon the Earth. There is more to the world than being into things before they become mainstream or putting measurable effort into shunning anything and anyone that has a hint of being popular, or wanting to be.

Now, get the hell out of here because the entire cast of "The Expendables" trips out of here with a goddamned armoury and turns you into a pile of dust reminiscent of crusted saltines.

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How I poured a client's emails straight into the spam bin – with one Friday evening change

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Re: Friday ...

Do it on a weekday and they'll have your hide if anything goes wrong. Do it on a weekend and there's not enough traffic to make it go 'ping'. Do it on a Friday, right after EOB and you have a few good hours of decent incoming traffic flow, a handful of folks who work late and are used to minor changes and an entire weekend to fix things if you bork them really badly.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: actually..

I watched it for about two hours. Nothing bizarre jumped out at me. I figured if something was going to go splonk, it would do so in a two hour timeframe. Guess I was wrong.

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Samsung, with this new 3D NAND SSD, you're really spoiling us ... or perhaps a rival?

Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

"satisfied your need demonstrate how much better you are"

You really don't get it, do you? My faith in our species remains shattered.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

"The fact that a euphemism has been in place for ages doesn't mean I can't criticise its use does it?"

Rewritten

"Ain't ain't a word because it ain't in the dictionary."

Yes it fucking is. PULL! *Shotgun blast*

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

Egads you people. You do realize that I can rip off a 500 word "rant" like the above in less than two minutes, no? It isn't exactly a burden requiring much though or a huge emotional input. Use some big words and a little bit of florid prose and it's a "meltdown". If I wave my hands and make the bunny disappear is it magic, too?

And you wonder why linguistic repression makes me grumpy.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

Because you're bitching about a common euphemism on a site infamous for it's euphemisms. I hold your gripe in even less regard than the dandies who trip in here bitching and moaning about use of the word "boffin".

At least I can excuse the odd nublet for not grokking the local lingo, but for $deity's sake man, "spinning rust" is a decade+ old, and used throughout the industry. It's not a Registerism. It's not a Trevorism. Yet you come in here and accuse me of "trying to look smart" through it's use.

The fuck, what?

That pisses me off. Why? Because I have to control my vocabulary in order to write here, or just about anywhere else. I hate doing it, but normals just don't have a vocabulary of more than about 20,000 words. 20,000 words! That's like chiseling the future on a fucking stone tablet using a quantum singularity as a source of granularity. It's restrictive and irksome.

The last time I ran the tests it was estimated that I probably had a vocabulary of around 50K words. That didn't include a lifetime's worth of popular culture references or a dedicated study of memetics. I post that Darmok and Jalad at Tenagra demonstrates that memological phrases should be counted as "words" in a vocabulary as they convey an atomic sense of meaning.

So we go back to "spinning rust." I absolutely don't use it to "sound smart". Quite the opposite, I use it because it conveys a bit of industry humour, along with a sense of contempt as well as a relegation of the technology to the past. It does the job in a very Darmok and Jalad fashion that should be accessible to every practicing member of our industry. It is an expression whose use is so broad that it shouldn't give me the kinds of issues I have when attempting to freely communicate using a wider knowledge base.

Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to only have two, maybe three people in the entire world that you know you can talk to without restraint and be perfectly confident that they'll understand you? To have to constantly ask yourself "will they even understand that word, or that reference?"

I bloody well expect you to get "spinning rust". I also expect that you'll understand the industry culture behind it. I expect it because you're here. You read this magazine. Because you're supposed to be that little bit better than normals, damn it, and I should be able to loosen the vocabulary restrictions by just that tiniest of fractional quanta.

I have to work all day with my brain not allowed to actually run free. So you're damned right if I take offense to someone telling my I'm trying to "sound smart" by using what amounts to a pedestrian industry-specific colloquialism! Am I "dressing up" by wearing a pair of clean blue jeans, by chance? Or having a fancy dinner because I marinated the steak for a few hours before cooking it?

I want to wear a monacle and a $5K custom suit while riding a horse on a boat, damn it! To tell me I'm putting on airs because I wore a polo shirt to the hockey game just makes me want to stuff you into a coil gun and fire you into Sol!

So yes. Ferro-magnetic princess. Wear it. It's yours now.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive .... @Pott

You don't understand, the issue is not "that there were bugs." I don't care about bugs. I care about how you handle bugs. I.E. that you man up, admit them publicly and deploy the fix openly.

Most SSD - and HDD - vendors just list the firmware on the site. You can download it, and rotate the disks through your internal lab, applying the new firmware and then back into service. It's abotu as much work as filling out RMA paperwork, but you get the drive back into service ASAP.

WD, otoh, never admitted the bug. They just denied and denied and denied. They demanded RMAs for any drive "affected by the issue that doesn't exist", and legally pursued people who had posted the firmware online so that those of us with affected disks didn't have to dick around with the horrific RMA process to get a fix.

That's not quite OCZ levels of fail, but it is really, really bad.

Now, it doesn't put me off WD altogether, but it absolutely does make me steer clear of the raptor division, and of their enterprise disks. I'd rather work with HGST or Seagate, simply because I don't get this kind of dicking around from their enterprise teams.

Every bit of software has bugs; how you handle them is the bit that matters.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

Aye, that's where it started, but it was ported to hard disks about 10 years ago and has been used there ever since. Originally, it was used lovingly (a-la "rust never sleeps",) but as newer alternatives come around, "rust" took on a far more negative connotation in the industry.

Now it's 2014 and I want rust in my racks about as much as I want rust on my car.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: As a 1TB flash drive ....

Seriously, mate...how long have you been reading The Register? This is not only a common euphemism for magnetic platter storage throughout the industry, it fits perfectly with the tongue-in-cheek nature of the publication.

To put it more bluntly: it's called "spinning rust" because it both evokes thoughts a spinning metal disk (which hard drives are) while also evoking thoughts of "old and horribly outdated"...which hard drives also are. If you have a personal attraction to spinning rust drives, I feel sorry for you.

But shite they are, and shite they'll remain...and "spinning rust" they shall be called, throughout the entirety of the IT domain.

Suck it up, ferro-magnetic princess...

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CSIRO claims milestone in solar-powered steam turbines

Trevor_Pott
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So these people will all be taken out back and shot by the conservative Oz gov't then?

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How Bitcoin could become a super-sized Wayback Machine

Trevor_Pott
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Good idea. I like it.

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VMware hits back at Amazon cloud Trojan Horse with ... a blog post

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Re: roach motel

"he system PSOD'd and the HP firmware auto rebooted the box. Still waiting on support to analyze the logs first indication is it is a General protection fault (13)."

$20 it's a bad SPD chip on a single DIMM. Virtually impossible to isolate. The error manifests as a PSOD/BSOD only under certain very specific conditions. The issue is that the BIOS is configured to clock each DIMM (or at least each bank) independently. The bad SPD chip reports an incorrect speed for the capabilities of the DIMM. The result: an overclocked DIMM that goes squirrely seemingly at random, but especially when the temperature goes up.

The error will often show up as a set of ECC errors within your system, but when you go to memtest the DIMMs individually they're all fine. Alternately, you could have a system wherein timings are set per bank, not per DIMM, and the bad SPD chip is in fact on a DIMM that absolutely can handle the higher speed, but one of the other DIMMs in the bank can't, and that (perfectly fine, if tested on it's own) DIMM is the one that errors out.

Solution: attempt to isolate DIMM (hard) and RMA - or - manually set the speed and timings of all DIMMs in the system. (I typically downclock to just below rated anyways, just to avoid minor manufacturing defect issues.)

You can also use that Intel technology that allows you to RAID 1 your RAM. For file servers, this is what I do: RAID 1 the RAM and downclock it. Then the things run like a tank.

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Trevor_Pott
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Jack, buddy, I have huge respect for you...but I feel I must disagree with your assessment of the blog post being aught but marketing malarkey. The fellow behind that blog post raises some damned good points, especially around bringing workloads back into your on-prem datacenter once you're done.

Cloud bursting with VMware/vCHS isn't great, but it's a heck of a lot better than this Amazon connector allows. Beyond that, to be blunt, VMware has some great next-gen technologies in QA around vCHS that will make cloudbursting easier. I'm sure you've seen the same NDAed slides we all have at this point; it's all an open secret by now.

All of which leads me to: Amazon's move is the desperate one. Bullshitting saved for another day, Microsoft has the best hybrid cloud. This is followed by both companies that have deployed Openstack internally; there are hundreds of Openstack public providers and Openstack to Openstack actually works quite well.

VMware is next up, their technology is immature, but they are dumping amazing resources into it. The people working on the hybrid cloud offering at VMware are some of the brightest on the planet and I promise you they will be at an Azure level by the end of the year. They'll probably pull away from MS and have the best damned hybrid offering (at the highest price!) of all contenders by VMworld 2015.

All of which leaves Amazon, where? As the poster child for voluntarily handing your data to the US government? The embodiment of the inability to even attempt data sovereignty or control over your own workloads in a superficial way? Amazon is great for SaaS developers who make pointless tat or who work in industries where America basically sets global law anyways. (See: Netflix.) It's rather less awesome for the man - many - high-value industries that are either regulated, or where innovation occurs at a such a pace that economic/industrial espionage* is something that companies worry about.

The public cloud isn't safe for some workloads. On-premises isn't cost effective or fast enough for other workloads. That makes hybrids cloud an absolute necessity and it is Amazon - not VMware - that doesn't have a story here.

There are some very valid concerns about picking up your workloads and putting them on a public cloud, regardless of which cloud you choose. But when the workloads can't come back easily, or your VMs are converted, or you are integrating with management tools/using software with weird licensing restrictions then things get a hell of a lot more messy than "this is technically possible."

We could always take our workloads and put them into Amazon's cloud. The thing that was holding us back was never an integration tool. It was all the myriad reasons listed in that blog post, and more besides.

When Amazon develops the ability to truly move workloads from on-prem to the cloud and back again, with conversion headaches, networking issues and management/agent integration tools dealt with on the fly, then VMware should start sweating. Until then, I'm pretty sure that VMware's best path forward is to make a dmaned good hybrid solution of their own...and lower the prices for service providers dramatically.

If they don't, Microsoft is going to win. Microsoft has a hybrid cloud that is not just on-prem and public cloud, it's "service provider"...and that's critical. Data sovereignty means a lot of people want cloudbursting...but only within their own legal jurisdiction. Microsoft has an answer to this. VMware doesn't**.

VMware has about a year, maybe a year and a half to get that sorted before even large enterprises are willing to use the abomination that is SCVMM*** in exchange for a proper multi-teir cloud.

*Ask yourself: if you had the cure for cancer, the formula for room temperature superconducters or the plans for a machine that could cancel gravity in a localized field would you store that information with an American cloud provider? If you would, please e-mail me and we can discuss a fantastic opportunity I have regarding some riverside real estate that provides access for individuals wishing to cross.

**Because most cloud providers won't pay VMware's exorbitant fees and are still miffed that VMware is competing against them.

***Fuck SCVMM.

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'GODZILLA WORLD' of the DRAGON CONSTELLATION - scientists

Trevor_Pott
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Don't buy the solar storms = doom thing one bit. Earth has organisms that withstand high levels of ionizing radiation...and organisms on a tidally locked planetary body would be living on the terminus anyways; no direct "brunt force stellar trauma."

Natural selection can do amazing things, we'd be fools to write off red dwarf stars as potential sources for habitable life. Especially when you consider that exomoons won't have many of these problems. Heck, you could even get a little farther out from the star if the planetary parent were big enough to be emitting substantial infrared.

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Supreme Court nixes idea of 'indirect' patent infringement

Trevor_Pott
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Good.

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ASUS launches 5-in-1 Android Windows Phone laptop tablet (breathe)

Trevor_Pott
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Something like this, I imagine, but covered in popups and malware as everything crawled through your IE6 ActiveX controls to steal your credit cards and violate your family.

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Quantum teleportation gets reliable at Delft

Trevor_Pott
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Re: *Ahem*

Malaria. MSRA. HIV. Hepatitis. Pandemic-class flus.

Lots of diseases can't be stopped by antibiotics. And antibiotics can stop none of them forever.

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Trevor_Pott
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*Ahem*

There are five horsemen.

War, Pestilence, Famine, Death and Apathy. There may have originally been four horsemen, but Apathy has totally earned his stripes.

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Trevor_Pott
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@Salts

You sir, have no joy in your soul.

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Trevor_Pott
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Now listen here sonny...

...on this planet we obey the laws of physics!

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Seedy hacker steals 1300 Monsanto client and staff records

Trevor_Pott
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Re: Obvious

Monsanto has created a bunch of genetically modified plants that are resistant to the herbicides and pesticides it sells. This allows for great yields and productivity of industrial-scale agriculture. You buy seed from Monsanto, plant it, spray your fields with chemicals bought from Monsanto and you in turn get lots of crop to sell.

The problem is that plants can reproduce. So if you take seeds from those crops you just grew and replant them you are violating Monsanto's intellectual property. They own the patents to that DNA and allowing your field to "go to seed" is considered piracy, thanks to laws hand-crafted by Monsanto.

For additional fun, Monsanto crops are so prevalent that it is functionally impossible to grow a crop without Monsanto plants in your crop; they'll blow in from the neighbor's field. You can't just go to a granary after harvest and buy up a bunch of random seed for spreading on your field (as was common "back in the day") because that will contain seeds that contain Monstanto's patented DNA.

So for all intents and purposes every single farmer growing crops from see in the USA has to pay Monstanto protection money, or they have to spend twice as much money proving that there is no possible way that any Monsanto-patented DNA could be growing anywhere on their fields.

In addition, they also lobby to basically eliminate any form of environmental protection, testing for GMOs, food safety and other people-not-dying-of-unknown-chemistry type regulations. Oh, they also basically wiped out bees. I think that about covers it.

I should point out that I have no problem with GMOs. My digestive system doesn't give a rat's ass if the DNA in that plan is "naturally" selected (when was the last time mankind grew a "naturally selected" crop, people?), artificially selected by growing generations in a lab, or even DNA spliced. Proteins and carbs and so forth are all the same as far as my innards are concerned.

I think we should test all foodstuffs for toxins, but if GMO corn provides the right nutrients in the right amounts - or better nutrients in better amounts - when compared to regular corn, and/or there are advantages to how it's grown...hey, that's science. I like science.

I don't think crystals have woo-woo powers and I don't fear low-level ionizing radiation either, though I understand that like that "I fear GMOs but don't know why" crowd, they too exist.

Still, when you get past the crazies who fear GMOs on principal (and thus see Monsanto as the ultimate devil of devils), Monsanto are on the whole really big dicks. The biggest, loudest problems that people have with them - GMOs - actually have nothing to do with how big a bucket of douchy fail they are. It's just paranoia-related noise.

Where Monsanto relay earns their hate is in the business practices, but it's the sort of stuff that, unless you live in a rural area, you just won't hear about.

Isn't the world we live in grand?

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The Pirate Bay's stor ost Peter Sunde collared at farm in Sweden

Trevor_Pott
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Re: I'm lost...

What if I were to set up a website tomorrow and allow my users to share files through it.

What if I allow people to use the site for free, anonymously, without requiring user accounts, and let them choose to share content privately or publicly.

I could call it "TheOpenPatchRepository.Com"

Say I make a little money from advertising on the website.

If my users post information related to information security threats, where do I stand? I respect the privacy of my users therefore I wouldn't dream of rooting through their files.

Would I be an evil nasty cyber-terrorist that deserves to be locked up?

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What if I were to set up a website tomorrow and allow my users to share files through it.

What if I allow people to use the site for free, anonymously, without requiring user accounts, and let them choose to share content privately or publicly.

I could call it "Facebook.Com"

Say I make a little money from advertising on the website.

If my users post pictures of themselves and others, where do I stand? I respect the privacy of my users therefore I wouldn't dream of rooting through their files.

Would I be an evil nasty privacy invading meta-stalker that deserves to be locked up?

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What if I were to set up a website tomorrow and allow my users to share files through it.

What if I allow people to use the site for free, anonymously, without requiring user accounts, and let them choose to share content privately or publicly.

I could call it "WeTheGoverned.org"

Say I make a little money from advertising on the website.

If my users post proof of government corruption and malfeasance, where do I stand? I respect the privacy of my users therefore I wouldn't dream of rooting through their files.

Would I be an evil nasty traitor that deserves to be locked up?

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What if I were to set up a website tomorrow and allow my users to share files through it.

What if I allow people to use the site for free, anonymously, without requiring user accounts, and let them choose to share content privately or publicly.

I could call it "TheRegister.co.uk"

Say I make a little money from advertising on the website.

If my users post their opinions on the technology that makes the world's economies function, where do I stand? I respect the privacy of my users therefore I wouldn't dream of rooting through their files.

Would I be an evil nasty economic dissident that deserves to be locked up?

Where's the line? And why do you draw it where you do?

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LIVE BLOG: El Reg at the Computex 2014 opener

Trevor_Pott
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Gotta say, I like these liveblog things. Aaron at TechEd and now Simon at Computex; both have done great jobs. :)

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SCIENCE explains why you LOVE the smell of BACON

Trevor_Pott
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Oh, Canada

The Americans have not won the World Series every year. The Toronto Blue Jays won in both 1992 and 1993. Depending on who you talk to, Toronto is either it's own nation (as well as being the center of the universe) or sort of Canadian. Either way, Torontonians will agree: the aren't American. Well, except for the huge chunk of them that immigrated there from the US, but that's different...

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Snowden shoots back: 'So you DO have my emails, after all'

Trevor_Pott
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Re: Edward Snowden isn't very good at logic (and neither is the NSA)

It's "he said" versus "they said", and I have way more reason to believe in "he", especially if he's a spy for another nation. Either "he" is a man of conscience, or he's the best goddamned group psychology operative that has ever existed. In either case, he would have worked the system internally before leaking, if for no other reason than doing so makes his case more powerful.

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What's that you say? HP's going to do WHAT to 3PAR StoreServs?

Trevor_Pott
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3Par finally gets dedupe? Suddenly, 3par becomes interesting to me.

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Snowden never blew a whistle, US spy boss claims

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Re: WTF?

What the flaming monkey arsehole are you on about, Anonymous Coward?

A) The UK certainly is better than the US. Not by bloody much, but when they get too far out of hand htey have the EU to restrain their excesses.

B) Better a thousand guilty men walk free than one innocent man be jailed.

C) What the hell does "documented criminal" actually mean anyways? The American justice system is so corrupt that one can be a "documented criminal" in that society and never have actually done a damned thing wrong. I mean, shit, Americans lock up people fleeing overwhelming gang violence in their home country as "criminals" then send them back to be tortured and killed. What the fuck kind of society is that?

D) I'm Canadian, you gibbering idiot.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: WTF?

"Also note the difference between treatment of citizens and non-citizens."

Believe me, we do, you fucking barbarians. Human rights supersede national exceptionalism, excepting where the nation is people and ruled by dangerous troglodytes.

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Linux Foundation flings two full-time developers at OpenSSL

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Re: It is puzzling!

Herd immunity.

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Google TOO WHITE and MALE, says HR boss, looking in mirror

Trevor_Pott
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I can't hire you, Dave

Your skin is the wrong colour, and your genitals are external. This doesn't meet our diversity quotient.

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High court finds Newzbin's 'ops' man liable for copyright infringement

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Re: A slap on the wrist

Personally, I think we should take every copyright maximalist in the world to a deserted tropical island, strip them naked, drop them into an unclimbable pit and cover them in a few metric tonnes of various ravenous and carnivorous insects. As insurance, we should give it about three days then nuke the island. Twice.

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Readers' choice: What every small-business sysadmin needs

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"Your clients are paying you, presumably monthly, to look after their shit so what happens there when times are hard? Do they stop paying you for a while and risk their systems going to shit from lack of maintenance?"

Yes, and no. If the client can get a lower rate for helpdesk work from one of the others, those others can get the info out of the data escrow and we'll transfer a copy of the client records over. I'm not the cheapest in the city; maybe they can get what they need elsewhere.

If my client is in a spot of bother and I'm the current low bidder for the services they need - or they simply don't want another nerd touching their systems - I will agree to switch them from a regular monthly fee to a break/fix arrangement until things look up.

Maybe things never will look up and maybe I put in some work and don't get paid for it. Oh well. My job is the good of the client, it isn't to pull Redmondian tricks to keep a client "locked-in." I get clients in the first place because I provide service that says "when you need me, I'm there for you, even if that means getting out of bed to help." I don't burn bridges; if a client wants to take their business elsewhere - or just can't afford things for now - then I'll help them transition. I think you'll find that's a very Canadian approach to things, just ask the folks at EasyDNS or CloudA.ca.

As for "If it gets that bad that you can't afford £20 bucks a month, then you're going to have real trouble paying for IT consultancy/support"...that's a hugely prattish comment.

Let's take a 50-man company I work with as the basis, as I recently did the numbers for them. When you start adding up all the fees you'd need to cover cloud computing for all of their workloads the amount is closer to $1300/user/month. Running VMs in azure is fucking expensive. Then you'd have to ad din O365, EMS and a dozen other things and holy crap that starts adding up.

To contrast, I charge a company like that around $5000 a month, and that includes a reasonable amount of content creation for their marketing efforts from our video group. I also get from them a commitment to a hardware, software and services (for things like Sync.com) budget of about $2500 a month.

If this company went all Microsoft cloud they would be on the hook for $65,000 a month. Or about $780,000 per year. I ask of them about $7500 a month to ensure smooth operations, or about $90,000 a year.

If things go to shit for that company - and they have twice, to my knowledge - they can drop us to break/fix and defer hardware/software/services payment.The result is cutting the monthly costs to zero, but also removing any R&D and having to take over a number of maintenance jobs in-house.

This situation can't last overly long for them - they generally need to constantly keep evolving elements of their IT because adapting to new scenarios is part of the value proposition they offer their customers - but when they lose a major client it's an acceptable trade off for a few months until things normalize.

And that's just one client. I've done the numbers for about 5 in the past month alone where migration of their workloads to an all-cloud environment simply wouldn't be possible, given their income...let alone cost-effective.

Out of a stable of 43 current clients, I have only one that is "all cloud", and they're using CloudA.

Most of those clients aren't huge income clients. A lot of them are either break/fix with a small monthly retainer or they are folks who have in-house sysadmins and bring me in only for the architecture work every time there's a major change to be done. (My render farm clients are a great example.) Big money, but in a lump sum, no ongoing stuff.

Cloud computing isn't £20/user/month. One workload of cloud computing might be that low, but companies run dozens, even hundreds of applications. Even small businesses. (My own business is a 5 man company and we have 32 "critical" applications and 14 secondaries!)

If you are trying to say "use Office 365 because it's cheaper", then say that. Specifically that workload. Not cloud computing in general. My client base largely agrees with the idea of putting e-mail in the cloud; that's why so many of them use Google Apps. (Only 2 Office 365 clients left.) A lot more of them use hosted exchange or hosted Zimbra. Some choose to host it themselves.

But "the cloud is the cheapest solution to the needs of small business" as a statement that includes general workloads? No. Just fucking no.

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Honest truth? Because you're using Microsoft's utterly bollocksed costing. Here's a few considerationgs you haven't made:

1) First and most important: the ability to sweat assets when times are tough. Cloud doesn't give you that. When shit gets real and you can't pay even one month's subscription fee, there goes your whole business. Zero chance to recover.

2) Real boys don't replace everything on a two or three year cycle. Real businesses quite happily get 5 or even 10 years out of their IT investments. Do the sums, it ain't cheaper.

3) Dealing with multiple vendors isn't a problem. There's no advantage to "I buy all my shit from Microsoft" if the vendors you buy from are good, honest folks selling a decent service at a price people want to pay. Dealing with Microsoft is like playing whack-a-mole with an acid-coverred asshole-seeking spiked-dong. I'll gleefully use multiple vendors if the end result is "less having to deal with Microsoft licensing."

4) There are eleventeen squillion reasons that my clients want to keep a copy of their own data on-site. By "their own data" I don't mean a tiny amount of personal work that you might put into Sync.com. I mean "terabytes upon terbaytes of business data" that A) can't be stored in the US (or with a company that has an American legal attack surface) and B) is absolutely *vital* to the running of the business. Storing it all in the cloud is great...until you have to do a restore. Tried sucking 100TB through a Canadian ADSL connection? I have.

5) a $20K stack of computers and software gives me the ability to store ~35 usable TB of moderate IOPS data along with enough compute power to run about 200 VMs. $20K wouldn't let me run 200 VMs for a quarter on Microsoft's cloud.

6) There are services cheaper than Intune for management.

7) Nobody gives a rat fuck about "the latest OS." Nobody. It's not a thing. Do you understand what Microsoft DOES with every second OS? OR how about Ribbon Baring the nice little old lady? We do not want the latest and greatest. We want what works and we are familiar with. There is zero trust for Microsoft. Less than zero. The square root of spiky, ass-seeking acid dong!

Microsoft will screw us with a completely unwarranted and productivity-killing random change to software without warning. We want the option of buying that software, using it until it can't be used any more and then picking from amongst the best options. That may or may not include Microsoft, but I see zero benefit behind yet another layer of lockin (subscription) or subjecting my clients to a "rapid release" cycle they emphatically want no part of.

8) There is a thing called "an internet". You may have heard of it. It allows you to connect up multiple individuals to a central location. That location doesn't even have to be one you own. You can use these magical things called "co-location facilities" where you don't have an office of your own or "storage closets" where you do. Here you can place servers and connect them to that "internet" thing. VPNs and HTTPS do the rest; suddenly, your remote workers can connect just fine!

Holy pants, what an idea! It's almost like we've been doing it for the past 25 years!.

9) Service providers are a thing. I am one. Clients send their data to me, or run their data in my cloud. If it goes "squiggly lines squiggly lines" on them, then I can put the data on a hard drive, get in a car and drive it down to them. Oh, and I'm cheaper than Azure. By a lot. So's my Canada-local openstack provider, CloudA.ca. I use them lots too.

10) Microsoft allows only 5 devices per user. That's insulting. A lot of my clients do dev and testing. Put bluntly: they own more than 5 devices, or they change between them often. That leads to a lot of open source and a lot of "we're going to buy a per device hard license for this" and passing around between devs. Nobody enjoys installing and uninstalling trila versions every 30 days, and Microsoft's "we killed Technet because we love you" can eat a sack of spiky acid dongs.

I could go on for some time - I really could - but suffice it to say Microsoft's cloudy future is not cheaper. It's still way cheaper to run your own stuff. It will be for some time. And even when it's not on a dollars-per-lifecycle, it will still be cheaper to run your own stuff because you get the freedom to control your own destiny...

...and insurance against rent-seeking, especially when you need that insurance most.

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Re: A magnet on a stick ?

Sarcastic? Hell no. Magnet on a stick + light to see WTF you're doing? I'm sold!

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Re: A magnet on a stick ?

That's amazing.

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Tech that we want (but they never seem to give us)

Trevor_Pott
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Things I wish I had

1) Healthy fast food. That doesn't taste like shit. How about a drive through that serves Shiratake noodles in a low-cal tomato+veggie+lean meat sauce. Maybe with a side fruit and spinach chaser. You can get a truly stomach-filling meal out of that for like 200 calories. Enough to leave you feeling full for 6-8 hours.

2) A button/pill/hypnotic MP3 file/etc that I could purchase over-the-counter that would put me to sleep like flipping a switch. No more lying awake at night with a racing mind.

3) An actual properly working monitoring system for all IT needs. Something that integrated with every piece of hardware and software, provided sane defaults for alerts and came with it's own 3G connection to alert you of problems (as well as possible causes and probably solutions). Near zero or zero setup of the system, and it should be adaptive so that every new bit of software/hardware installed is detected automatically and added to the alerts pool.

The reporting system should be able to produce a nice report to send to the boss that says "these things are failing on a regular basis, replace them; these things are at end of life, replace them," etc. I also want it to not cost a substantial fraction of the hardware it is supposed to monitor!

4) Windows with programmable tinting. Preferably a film I could apply to my existing ones. Screw blinds and shades, why can I just put an LCD film on my windows and tell it "be black" or "be transparent?"

5) A big button that you press whenever the phone call for you is a scam/telemarketer/intrusive "survey"/political party begging for donations/newspaper begging for subscribers/etc that automatically logs that call as a scam and send the info to an orbiting satellite. If enough people press the button that identifies the blackguard as the kind of twat that likes to ruin evenings then an ion cannon blast will erase them from existence.

6) Roadside .50cal automated sniper rifles that immediately and violently murder any asshole with an audiobomb car. No exceptions. No mercy.

7) Backup LTE data plans that are charged at a reasonable per use rate /GB ($0.5/GB absolute fucking TOPS). These would not be used as primary connections; they would be emergency backup connections for those "idiot with a backhoe" movements and/or for getting into server room after some putz pushed reset on the edge router.

8) A Lenovo X230 made out of aluminium. The Lenovo X230 is pretty much my ideal netbook, but the cheap plastic construction lets me down.

9) An autoloader for my dishwasher. (Put dishes into the sink, let the robot arms load the dishwasher, then when things are done, pile them up nicely on the counter.) Mostly because by the time we remember that dishes are a thing to do it's stupid o'clock at night and all we want to do is sleep.

10) A self-cleaning cat litter box that is actually of a decent (read: 2' x 3') size. My cats want a litter box bigger than they are, or they won't use it.

11) A storage robot. You have an iPad app with everything in your house inventory. You select the item, and the robot fetches it from storage. When you are done with an item, the robot places the item back in storage. The robot knows exactly what bin the item was placed in and logs it with the system. The robot ideally would be able to climb and descend stairs, but I'm willing to wait for version 5 or 6 to get there, so long as I can tromp down the stairs and have the robot hand the appropriate item to me, or I can give it something to put away. Bounce points if I can hand it a box of things and it will identify them, and put away everything in the box. Yes, I'm willing to tag everything.

12) A device that makes the people manning US customers and border protection less douchey.

13) A telepresence device certified for use with government institutions. Need to get something from the DMV but don't want to wait in lines? Send the robot. It will go through all the motions, then beep at you when it's your turn to interface with an actual human. It should be able to display all relevant documents for the people in question, switch to your live face for comparison, and allow you to sign documents via a pair of arms. Too many hours of our lives are spent in government lines for something or other. A crime, given that it's the future.

14) Every piece of content every created available a-la-carte for a reasonable price when I want, how I want, on any device I want and I only pay for the content once, no matter how many times I personally choose to view/listen/read it. (If I really like it, I should be able to keep a copy on my own file storage, maybe for a modest additional fee over streaming.)

15) Going to have to also go "self driving car." I have too many things to do to enjoy driving around. Time spend driving is time I could be doing something useful, preferably something profitable. Why the hell are we still driving ourselves around in this day and age?

16) "No frills" bulk naval transport for those who don't like to fly. I hate flying. Loathe it so much I cannot describe. I just want to be able to take a boat from Vancouver to San Francisco that has a 100x100 space for my part and our junk, hallways that are twice as wide as those on trains and with better toilets than found on passenger trains (my biggest complaint.)

I would alternately settle for revamped passenger trains or the option of "luxury" bus travel that costs about the same as a plane ticket, but has seats that are fat people friendly. (For inter-city travel here in Alberta we have "luxury" motorcoaches by a company called Red Arrow. Greyhound, by contrast, is absolutely not an option for me.)

The ideal would be a self-driving car that could take me all the way to SF and back. My own little personal bubble. No people. No driving. I could just sit and work, preferably at an upright table and not curled into a ball like a savage.

17) Something that kills mosquitoes. Preferably without a great deal of noise. A vicious hunter-killer drone, or a roost of daylight-friendly potty-trained bats are just fine.

18) Upstream bandwidth that is higher than 5Mbit that costs less than $100/month

19) Proper, working, appetite suppression pills. For the love of $deity, why do these not exist?

20) And finally, a device that creates a bubble of time that occurs only for you. This would allow you to get way more done in a day, by fitting weeks of work (and sleep!) into a single day, allowing you to actually meet the level of expectation of present-day employers and be competitive with those annoying cheerful people who seem able to work 26 hours a day without ever sleeping.

Mostly, really, I just want the ability to earn a comfortable living by only working 8 hours a day and know that my friends and family have the same ability. I want us all to be able to sleep, not have to worry about jobs, or food, housing and clothing. I want us all to be able to do what we love for a living, to enjoy time to ourselves and to get a healthy 8 hours of sleep every day.

I don't care what changes need to occur to society, or what devices need to be invented, but at the end of the day, the goal is a sense of personal and financial security combined with a desire to not be anxious about things ever again.

The rest is just entertainment…and I can entertain myself making paper airplanes, if need be.

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Google: 'EVERYTHING at Google runs in a container'

Trevor_Pott
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Re: More details

Oddly enough, for once the core of my issues with Microsoft isn't with licensing. It's usually cheaper than VMware to deploy SCVMM, the licensing is straightforward by Microsoft standards, (which means you still want to kill yourself, but less with fire and more with poison.)

No, my issues with SCVMM are around "usage of the software in a fully heterogenous environment." I.E. an environment wherein some or all of the systems (including the ISO library!!!!!!) are stored on systems that are not part of Active Directory. It's usage items like "there is no button to simply mount an ISO stored on your local computer in the VM console you have open so that you can just install a goddamned operating system without adding things to the bloody library."

SCVMM is administrator hostile. If your goal is to "just get it done" then you'll end up very frustrated. SCVMM is designed solely for heavily change-managed environments. Situations where no VM is created, patched, migrated, etc without someone filling out forms in triplicate and planning the entire thing out ahead of time.

With VMware you need two things to make all the critical stuff go: one or more hosts, and a vSphere server. That's it. And the vSphere server comes as a bloody virtual appliance! (VUM is going away in vSphere 6, so the bit where you need to install the update manager on a Windows VM is about to be gone.)

SCVMM requires one or more hosts, an AD cluster (because a single AD server is asking for trouble at the worst possible time,) an SCVMM server, a Library server, a separate server to run your autodeployment software, and a client station. SCVMM is heavily reliant on DNS working properly (VMware can live and breathe nothing but IP addresses and be perfectly happy), and a full SCVMM setup (including directory and all the associated bits) takes hours to set up properly (VMware + vSphere + VUM takes less than 30 mins.)

With VMware, I can go from "nothing at all" to "fully managed cluster with everything needed for a five nines private cloud setup" in well under an hour. With SCVMM it will take me over a week to get all the bugs knocked out, because even after you get the basics set up, there are an infinite number of stupid little nerd knobs and settings that need to be twiddled to make the goddamned thing actually usable.

With VMware, as long as the system/user context I am using to access the client software can get access to an ISO/OVF/OVA/what-have-you then I can use that to spin up VMs. With Microsoft, templates/ISOs/etc have to be part of the "managed infrastructure" under control of the servers.

With VMware, I can add monitoring but simply deploying a vCOps virtual appliance, logging into the vCOps appliances' admin website and telling it where the vSphere server it. With System Center, setting up monitoring is a laborious process that takes days.

With VMware, the VMs come with their own mail servers so that if I don't happen to have a mail server on site - or don't want to rely on the on-site server - the things can still send me mail. With System Center, it's all designed for integration into Exchange.

Microsoft is all about Microsoft. It's all about having the full Microsoft stack. Everything controlled, managed, integrated with and joined up to more and more and more Microsoft. You don't just "stand up a small cluster" and get the kind of easy-to-use, full capacity experience that you get with VMware. With Microsoft you need to keep buying more and more Microsoft software to accomplish the simplest goals and then tying it all back together with the other Microsoft software. One big inter-related, interdependent mess that if you breathe on it hard (or, heaven forbid, DNS goes down,) you're fucked.

VMware doesn't really care what the rest of your network is. Is your file storage an isolated NetApp filer or Synology NAS that isn't joined to any domain? Okey dokey. That's groovy. Is your block storage Bob's Rink Shack Super Special iSCSI Target? Cheers! We'll work with that just fine! NFS isn't integrated into an NIS or AD environment? That's cool too, we'll work with it out of the box.

VMware allows for total isolation of the hypervisor infrastructure from the rest of your infrastructure. If everything else breaks, your hypervisor and it's management tools don't. Which is important, because all the rest of that crap is running on top of the hypervisor!!!!!

VMware also allows for deploying into environments that have no intention of buying the other eleventy billion Microsoft servers to run everything. If you just need to stand up VMs, and you don't want those VMs to be integrated into the same command and control infrastructure as the hypervisor control plane (like say, every cloud deployment, ever,) then you don't need to fight the design.

If you are building an enterprise private cloud in which every last thing is part of the same managed infrastructure, all under corporate control, all change-managed and so forth, then Hyper-V is the best private cloud you could possibly run. Until you undergo a merger with another company...

If you are building a virtualisation setup where you want the infrastructure to be run by different people than the VMs that run on that infrastructure, or you want an infrastructure that can take care of itself even if the rest of the network's management systems have failed (for whatever reason) then stay the hell away from Microsoft.

SCVMM can be amazing, but only within the narrow range of circumstances it was designed for. VMware is amazing all the time. And that's why Microsoft makes me salty. I cut my teeth on the better product, so every time that I try to make SCVMM do something and it refuses, I get very, very salty.

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Re: about to deploy a few containers

"You don't *have* to use SCVMM to manage Hyper-V"

Yes, you do, if you're running more than a handful of hosts in a testlab of an SMB so poor they count the fucking pencils to make you don't steal one.

"y guess about your SCVMM obsession is that you haven't bothered or for some reason is incapable of upgrading to SCVMM2012R2"

I've spent the past three weeks of my life fighting with it as part of a very in depth review of the offeri as part of a POC regarding the management of a 15,000 node datacenter's infrastructure. Additionally, I've been fighting the damned thing on 5 SMB sites and my own testlab trying to get stuff done for commercial content clients.

I've had to use every version since Server 2008 R2 and, oh ye, even the "marvelous" PowerShell, in all it's glorious I-hope-you-have-a-truly-amazing-memory shining fail.

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: "Anonymously because i do work for Oracle."

...I'm...I'm so sorry...

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Trevor_Pott
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Re: about to deploy a few containers

"Hyper-V Server is completely free for the fully featured version."

But the management tools are not.

"Hyper-V Server simplifies things over VMWare in my experience."

Bullshit, bullshit and thrice bullshit. SCVMM us a horrific monster sent from hell to make Sysadmins miserable. vSphere is a comparative delight to use. It's the little things, you see. Like the ability to use ISOs that aren't in a library that is on a file server that is part of the active directory and "controlled" by SCVMM. Or hey, the ability to mount an ISO through the fucking console so I can install a template image in SCVMM Might be a breakthrough that would catch it up to VMware from the before time when we vMotioned shit be scratching the RAM changes onto stone tablets and passed them around using token ring!

SCVMM is ass. It's an ass' dirty ass hair's ass. It's a shitpocalpyse of awfulness when compared to vSphere and when you start trying to get to cloudy scale and orchestrate things System Centers agglomeration of soul-destroying mind-snuf porn acutally manages to get worse!

"KVM does make things more complex though - and doesn't scale as well as VMWare or Hyper-V."

You just won the bullshit award. Ding ding ding! Openstack works like a hot damn at scale, and today is about as complex as trying to do anything with Hyper-V/SCVMM at scale. That is to say both are complete ass, covered in more asses and strewn with the dessicated souls of murdered children...but KVM/Openstack at least is actually free.

Both platforms basically require PhDs to run at scale, but with KVM/Openstack you only need your cloud of PhDs. You don't also need a legal team with a population larger than Monaco and a SWAT team of kick-ass licensing specialists combined with the GDP of Brunei to stand up a single datacenter.

VMware requires the GDP of Germany to get to a decent-sized datacenter, but at least you don't need all the wetware to understand how to license it or how to make the thing run.

Horses for courses, but I question strongly any horse that chooses to endorse the use of force used by Microsoft in setting it's course.

Also: fuck SCVMM extra hard. Because goddamn it is pissing me off today.

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HP: You know what's hot right now? Cloud* storage

Trevor_Pott
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Re: Well, I for one believe HP completely.

You owe me a new sarcasm meter.

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Still a far cry from Facebook's desire for ultra-cheap WORM flash. Gotta say, the idea of WORM flash cold storage isn't awful...

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European Grid Infrastructure project condenses shared cloud

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Re: Say OpenStack

OpenStack. :)

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Microsoft: Pssst, small resellers, want to sling our cloud?

Trevor_Pott
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Re: It's what you might call a limited offer....

I've read the MS definition, but I think it's far to 2006. This is the era of the internet of things. I have 100,000 pipeline sensors all with local cache that core dump their readings whenever they can get a clear signal. As I read it, they wouldn't be a "server" by the MS standards, yet from a practical standpoint I have to treat (and defend) them as such.

For that matter, I have dozens of client OS instances serving as "servers" because there's nothing in the license that says I need CALs to use Windows 7 as a "server" if the server software in question is third party. (Filezilla, etc.) These would be considered "servers" by Microsoft, though they aren't licensed as such.

There are no good industry definitions that match the reality of IT today. Maybe there can never be, given how fast IT evolves. Maybe that's even a good thing, as it prevents us from engaging in the irrelevant penis-comparison with any seriousness unless we're actually outright mad.

Worse, global statistics are functionally impossible to find that could be anywhere close to valid. The netcraft statistics are known to be bullshit. I suspect all the others are too. Stepping away from "what is a server" let's just ask the question "how do you track deployments and installs?" Let me expand that by asking "how do you track deployment and installs in a world where not only are an exploding number of IoT sensors "servers" but many/most servers are ephemeral, spun up and down on a whim according to the dictates of a monitoring app or sensor somewhere?"

Hence my rubbishing and hatred of any attempt to talk about "most servers" or other global deployment generalizations. It's like trying to say "most grains of sand in the world are composed of X". Sand is bloody diverse, with deposits near oceans having far more calcium carbonate, deposits inland frequently being silicon dioxide rich and deposits all over the place containing various bits of ground of lava. (My fish really like the ground lava sand.)

Also, for the record, you do very much come across as a huge redmondian fanboy. I'm down with that - Microsoft is still a huge part of my income - but I get quite a bit testy when I see Yet Another Tired Thread where a staunch defender of the Empire trots out the tired netcraft fallacy and waves it around like it means something.

Personally, I don't care who wins. With the sole exception of Ninite (may a thousand excellent vaginas find their way to the developers' groins) I hate and distrust everyone pretty much equally. I have some personal preferences regarding the systems I personally administer, but "fitness for purpose" and "affordable" trump "curses per timeframe" unless the costs and fitness are very, very close.

It does however bear some thought that you have embedded yourself in my memory as the Microsoft equivalent of "that guy who always says you should just try Linux." You're nowhere near Vogon-the-Anonymous-Coward" levels of "I want to stab them in the face with a rotting penguin", but enough that over time you've moved quite far out of the range of "impartial nerds" on my list of Reg commenttards.

Anyways, I'm grumpy and have a conference call. Webex hold music the ENTER YOUR MEETING ID AND PRESS POUND ::madness::

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