* Posts by Stumpy

161 posts • joined 20 May 2010

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

Stumpy

Utter Sacrilege!

The only, and I repeat, ONLY, time it is ever acceptable to add milk to the steeping leaves is when you're breing up a nice pot of Cardamom Chai, where the leaves, spices and sugar are added to the heated milk and there's no water anywhere near the whole concoction.

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Bank tech boss: Where we're going, we don't need mainframes

Stumpy

Re: Utter drivel

Ah.. I remember the old MTS system at Newcastle. They were still running it there in 1992.

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Admin fishes dirty office chat from mistyped-email bin and then ...?

Stumpy

I'm devastated ...

... by the apparent lack of BOFHness amongst you all.

I mean, you've practically all stated that you'd delete the email and pretend nothing happened rather than resort to blackmail or extortion?

Fer chrissakes, grow a backbone and charge up the cattle prod, the lot of you.

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Flying Spaghetti Monster is not God, rules mortal judge

Stumpy

“The FSM Gospel is plainly a work of satire, meant to entertain while making a pointed political statement. To read it as religious doctrine would be little different from grounding a 'religious exercise' on any other work of fiction. A prisoner could just as easily read the works of Vonnegut or Heinlein and claim it as his holy book, and demand accommodation of Bokononism or the Church of All Worlds.”

... but surely this is exactly what L.Ron Hubbard did with the Church of Scientology.

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Ad slinger Phorm ceases trading

Stumpy

Oh happy, happy day!

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Holding out for a Jobs: Tim Cook still auditioning for position of Apple god

Stumpy

Re: The Apple II was certainly practical

What I found interesting at the time (before floppy disks) was that a cheapo cassette recorder was far more reliable at recording and playback than a "proper" HiFi one. Never quite worked out why.

My guess would be that the quality decks have more filtering circuitry in them to remove high-frequency hiss from the tape. The unfortunate side effect of those filters tend to be that it causes the high-frequency signal on the tape to clip slightly, thus leading to errors. The cheapo decks, lacking these circuits tend to just play back whatever they can (so no signal loss, but more noise).

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Which keys should I press to enable the CockUp feature?

Stumpy

Re: Screen rotation .. Pah !

... ah, so it wasn't just me who did this then :)

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Photographer hassled by Port of Tyne for filming a sign on a wall

Stumpy

If I were him, I'd be tempted to get a good lawyer and sue the Port of Tyne for their aggressive behaviour. I'm sure he could find some damage to his equipment, and not to mention the emotional stress he's been put under...

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Did water rocket threaten Brum airport Airbus?

Stumpy

Re: Just remembered

What on earth was the tiger doing with the bottle of Coke?

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MPs slam mandarins over failed GP IT system

Stumpy

... and then roundly ignored.

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eBay scammer steals identity of special agent investigating him

Stumpy

Re: Not all that funny

How do you know it hasn't already?....

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AMD sued: Number of Bulldozer cores in its chips is a lie, allegedly

Stumpy

Indeed. In the days when I used to program down at the bare metal level, we didn't even have on-board FPUs ... you had to buy a separate Maths co-processor unit to get any sort of floating-point operations in hardware...

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Russian subs prowling near submarine cables: report

Stumpy

Re: Why have your own network?

What's to say they don't already piggyback on the public network traffic. Still, it would make more sense to have a cable labelled 'Big Secret Network' just to lead your enemies down the path you want them to take, and possibly even feed them the disinformation you desire...

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Amazon Echo: We put Jeff Bezos' always-on microphone-speaker in a Reg family home

Stumpy

Re: DANGER DANGER DANGER

I guess this requires the obligatory 1984 Bloom County strip:

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/t31.0-8/12087307_1062183137145772_6705622885811331085_o.jpg

[apologies for the Facebook CDN link, but I can't find the strip on Go Comics]

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Weight, what? The perfect kilogram is nearly in Planck's grasp

Stumpy

Re: What does this mean for the "Olympic Swimming Pool/Double Decker bus" standards?

"... it could be defined in moles"

So, sort of like my garden then?

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My parents don't know I'm in SEO. They think I play piano in a brothel

Stumpy

The number of unsolicited submissions I get from the 'contact' form on my personal blog seems to belie the assertion that these companies want to be taken seriously.

Anyone who even so much as casually glanced at the site would notice that it's a personal blog and contains the sum total of zero advertising.

Based on that criteria, why on earth would I want to (and I quote) "improve my search engine rankings to drive greater sales and profit to my door"?

Scumbags ... all of them.

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Crash Google Chrome with one tiny URL: We cram a probe in this bug

Stumpy

Re: RE: Dear Coders - Rules You Learned in Kindergarten

It's definitely possible to write the 'perfect' piece of software (for a given definition of perfect). It all comes down to how much cash and how much time Management is willing to give you to check and test.

There are mathematical techniques you can use to analyse your code to check for logical bugs, and as has been mentioned, if performance is not the bottleneck, then you check ALL of your inputs and outputs to ensure they fulfil your contract, and never, EVER, return anything that you haven't documented in full.

Of course, in the business world that most of us operate in, these niceties are the first thing to go to the wall in preference for getting the software out the door and into the hands of the great unwashed.

Remember the old Project Manager's adage: Quality, Cost, Time ... pick any two.

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Stumpy

The heat dissipation and power consumption are pretty poor, but the mammary expansion capabilities are excellent.

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Stumpy

This is one piece of technology we really are hoping goes TITSUP

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Witness Apple's iPhone-iPad extravapalooza here in our no-hate zone

Stumpy

Well, as an Apple user (and also a Windows/Linux user too - let's not be biased) ... I'm seriously underwhelmed by the new products.

It's about time Apple came up with something truly revolutionary and disruptive yet again instead of these small incremental changes year on year ... it's getting dull.

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Netflix to complete global rollout, add 120+ countries by end of 2016

Stumpy

The problem I find with them is that they only add a few movies that I like to watch. They're great if you want to watch TV series (although we need to have Game of Thrones on there!) ... but I rarely watch much in the way of the TV content.

Plus, their website and catalog search functions suck.

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Ex top judge admits he's incapable of reading email, doesn't own a PC

Stumpy

Re: Life imitates NTNOCN

"... and a Deluxe Model Inflatable Woman. Whatever one of those is"

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Susan Sheridan, voice of Hitchhiker's Trillian, dies aged 68

Stumpy

So long, and thanks for all the fish. RIP.

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Samsung looks into spam ads appearing on Brits' smart TVs

Stumpy

Re: Easily solved.

or just don't buy a smart TV. Buy a traditional, dumb model instead.

Honestly, folks will be telling me they want their vacuum cleaners connected to the internet next...

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FBI may pillory Hillary with email spillery grillery

Stumpy

Re: Only to be expected (For good reasons)

"Do you really want another baldface, thieving liar in the office of the President?"

Because Trump is a shining beacon of Holy Goodness by comparison, right? RIGHT?

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Apple chief Cook cooks up rumours after BMW car talks, factory tour

Stumpy

Re: BMW was careful not to show off too much

"Hey Apple, have you thought of cutting out the middle-men, just go straight to the NSA and ask them to give you BMW's blueprints?"

... where do you think the NSA got them from in the first place?

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Edge out rivals? No! Firefox boss BLASTS Microsoft's Windows 10 browser brouhaha

Stumpy

Same here. I suspect that if users opt for 'express' installation, then everything will get reset to whatever defaults MS deem necessary/desirable, whereas those who opt for a fully controlled install get to determine exactly what stays and what goes.

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UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

Stumpy

Re: Stupid Fight

King Jack wrote:

"Has anyone ever been harmed by looking at the opposite sex?"

Yes. I was in the pub the other night staring at this fantastically beautiful blonde, when her boyfriend came over and kicked the crap out of me...

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SPECTRE-tacular: New trailer out for Bond 24. But where's the pussy?

Stumpy

Re: No cat...

I haven't got pussy galore in years *sigh*

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HP won't ship PCs with Windows 10 preinstalled until mid-August

Stumpy

* other countries and public holidays are available.

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Sorry, say boffins, the LHC still hasn't sucked us into a black hole

Stumpy

Re: Tea?

No, but if it's really, really hot, there's an infinite improbability of a large sperm whale appearing somewhere over Geneva.

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Large Hadron Collider gives young ALICE a black-hole ray gun

Stumpy

Re: Tin foil hat alert

You're absolutely right. I'd ignore what Proffessor Hawkins says too.

Now, if Professor Hawking were to say it was safe though, I'd go ahead and believe him.

(damn, where's that pedant icon when you need it)?

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Taming the Thames – The place that plugged London's Great Stink

Stumpy

Re: Amazing

I'd just be interested to know what he did between then and joining Channel 4 News...

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Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

Stumpy

Why bother trying to select the ONE you'd most like to be with. After all, they're ALL going to try and f*ck us eventually....

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Not pro-Bono: Russian MP wants Apple to face stiff action for cramming 'gay' U2 into iCrevices

Stumpy

Let's just face it. It's about time that Putin just came out...

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Boeing 787 software bug can shut down planes' generators IN FLIGHT

Stumpy

Re: "in practice this one is no big deal."

"it says that proper risk assessment, design and test practices have not been followed. Can't imagine how that happened..."

... sounds like the aircraft was designed and built using Agile...

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Oxford chaps solve problem in 1982 Sinclair Spectrum manual

Stumpy

Re: Awesome

You could actually get the TV to make something resembling music* by rapidly switching between Fast and Slow mode - Fast mode being where the video output was switched off.

* well, sound anyway.

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MAYHEM in ORBIT: Russian cargo pod spins OUT OF CONTROL

Stumpy

No wonder it's spinning ... it can't see a damn thing through all that text that's up on screen.

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Singapore's PM personally programmed C++ Suduko-solver

Stumpy

Re: if they allow conscientious objection, I wouldn't object

... but you'd have to be conscientous about it.

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Facebook fiddles with News Feed algo. Brace yourself for CONTENTGEDDON

Stumpy

Spotted a mistake...

'The free content ad network said...'

Should be

'The content free ad network said...'

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What's Meg Whitman fussing over: The fate of HP ... or the font on a DISRUPTIVE new logo?

Stumpy

Re: How long till....

If they do, and then a fully-formed DEC can be spat out of that ... I'll be one of the happiest men alive...

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Windows 10 build 10041: 99 bugs on the wall, fix a bug, add a feature, 114 bugs on the wall

Stumpy

Is it just me ...

... or is that first desktop screenshot somewhat reminicent of early 1980's GUIs ???

Looks f-ing awful.

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Last year was utter rubbish. Thanks for being part of it!

Stumpy

Re: Stay Puft Kim, Stay Puft

Go watch Ghostbusters...

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Space Commanders lock missiles on Elite's Frontier Devs

Stumpy

Re: No offline? Screw you guys, I’ll play with myself instead.

Given that I was able to play it last night with no issues whilst also pulling down some Linux ISOs from Usenet, and downloading from Steam (so my broadband was pretty maxed) I'd say that it only connects when it needs to update the Galaxy status (ie: when Hyperspacing to a new system or when trading in a station). Rest of the time ... no problems.

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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

Stumpy

I'd be more than happy to donate the rest of the outstanding amount if, and only if, they made the cast of Assange by actually dipping the man himself in boiling Bronze.

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1&1 goes titsup, blames lengthy outage on DDoS attack

Stumpy

So glad I dropped 1&1 last year for my hosting requirements.

I got so sick and tired of their hard sell tactics for their 'value added' services (like their website builder). Eventually jumped ship when after a particularly obnoxious sales drone called from the USA to try to sell me the services yet again, whom I politely informed that I was not interested. Anyhow, I then found on my next invoice a charge for 12 months pre-payment for the website builder. Took me a further 2 months to get all the charges reversed and them to eventually transfer my domains and close my accounts.

Now with Vidahost and have never been more satisfied with a hosting provider. (And I'm paying less for three years domain registration and hosting with them than I was paying 1&1 per quarter).

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WATCH Rosetta's Philae's SUCCESSFUL drop on Comet 67P

Stumpy

Re: Obligatory XKCD reference

Damn ... I now /really/ hope we find whales on there. :)

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FIRST for HUMANITY: Fridge-size PROBOT headed for COMET TOUCHDOWN

Stumpy

Re: Relativity

Because this is The Register. If you want serious, non-sensational journalism I suggest you check out The Sun, The People or The Mirror.

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HOT YOUNG STAR about to GIVE BIRTH, long range images show

Stumpy

You sure that's not just some close-up of a random intern's tie-dyed t-shirt?

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Poll: Yes, yes, texting while driving is bad but *ping* OH! Hey, GRAB THE WHEEL, will ya?

Stumpy

What? You only ride at 70 MPH?

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