Since You Asked
You could start by not apologizing for reviewing Apple products or otherwise catering to the tech equivalent of religious fanatics who confuse that particular fruit with the one in Genesis. (Pro or con - it's all the same.) The Register is justly famed for quality snark, and what could be snarkier at this late date than to refuse to put on that sort of us/them Punch & Judy show? At least in the colonies, courtesy, rational discourse, and tolerance for differing opinions have become so rare as to constitute daring transgression against the pathetic bourgeois norm. Adolescent self indulgence went out with, well... adolescence. "Thank you" is the new "kcuf you."
"We review products as users, not as procurers or engineers…"
Well that is a problem. Consider reviewing them as critics, and more specifically, as journalists. Given that few now alive have ever experienced "journalism" and couldn't define "criticism" at gunpoint, you'll have the pleasure of baffling idiots everywhere. The only thing worse than the subjective trash that passes for criticism amidst the masses are the regurgitated press releases that pundefecators try to pass off as analysis. Eschew both. Subjective, unsupported opinions are as common as cold sores, but considerably less attracting and definitely deserving of less compassion.
As for content, reviews with objective parameters and some sort of transparent scoring system are more useful than those without. User reviews being a sewer of subjective worship and loathing (see "religious fanatics," above), I look to the pros when I want another perspective on what's best. A report card without grades is as useless as grades without a transparent scoring system are unjust.
Finally, if your purpose is to communicate, well-crafted language isn't optional. Your editors are either absent, stoned, or far too concerned with being well liked. Too often, your writers put me in mind of what online comment sections become without a character limit. Cute is seldom anything of the sort, and if I need to read something chummy, I correspond with friends.