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* Posts by Lamont Cranston

1184 posts • joined 27 Apr 2010

Doctor Who gets one-off special to mark Time Lord's 50th year on telly

Lamont Cranston
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It'll be Bill Nighy.

It always bloody is.

Come to think of it, this might work.

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Humax YouView DTR-T1000 IPTV Freeview PVR review

Lamont Cranston
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Re: I'm holding out for...

That'll be a small PC, with a couple of tuners, then. I gave up waiting, and decided to make do with whatever catch-up services I can get through my devices (TV, PVR, Blu-ray are all networked, and from different manufactures), and the joyless experience of DLNA.

I would be quite upset, but it's only telly.

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Post-pub nosh deathmatch: Bauernfrühstück v bacon sarnie

Lamont Cranston
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FAIL

Oh dear.

None of your test audience were hungover - you don't make the bacon sarnie whilst still drinking beer, you make it in the morning*, to replenish your lost nutrients.

With this in mind, cooking up a Bauernfrühstück whilst hungover looks like too much hard work, so the bacon sarnie wins with ease.

@disgruntled yank: I think you know it as Steak Sauce, for some reason.

*better still, someone else makes it and presents it to you, and that way you'll know she's a keeper.

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Girls tricked by STEAMY message: Webcam spyware student jailed

Lamont Cranston
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@ Aaron Em

If I took my car to the mechanic, and he advised that I could best fix it by, say, making sure I washed it when I was naked, I might not be too keen to take his advice.

None of these women deserved to have their privacy invaded by the pervert in question, but a little common sense (or paying attention at school) might have saved them a lot of trouble.

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Why British TV drama is crap – and why this matters to tech firms

Lamont Cranston
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Re: We make better comedy equivalents of dramas

I can't believe I upvoted this! New Tricks is like nails on a blackboard, to me, but I like how you contrast it with Waking The Dead.

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Lamont Cranston
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No, no, no!

"stretching the audience, knowing that they have DVD and TiVO to allow you to replay the important bits "

This is what books are for. Alan Moore described one of the advantages of books over films as the fact that you can skip back to a previous page and reread it knowing what happens later, allowing you to grasp the import of certain scenes. This is a good thing, but it's certainly not what I want from my TV. TV (like film) should be passive - if I have to skip back on various scenes to make sense of the diaglogue, or follow the plot, that means it hasn't be written properly. Good TV should be easy to follow, and still make sense if you miss an episode - if you can't manage that, write it as a film instead, to be watched in one go.

I gave up on The Wire after the first two episodes, as it was tedious, plodding shite. TV is supposed to entertain, not be a chore. Yeah, I've dissed The Wire, so I'm clearly a massive thicko - downvote me till I burn.

I do agree that most British telly is toss, though.

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Lego ponders Portal pack

Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Is it really that hard to build a weighted companion cube out of lego?

Kids today, eh? Tsk.

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Reg hack bumps into Cockfighter

Lamont Cranston
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Re: We should be thankful ... (@ Lamont Cranston )

Context is everything, Mephistro. The BBFC tend to take that into account.

Of course, the film was put to the BBFC quite some time a go - who am I to say that they wouldn't pass it if it were resubmitted now?

By the same token, all my Steven Seagal DVDs (don't judge me) have been cut to ribbons - they'd more than likely pass uncut, now, but there's not much money to be made in resubmitting them, so it's not going to happen. Less "oppresive state censorship" than the whims of the market, I'm afraid.

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: We should be thankful ... (@ AC 22:17)

If the comments about Roger Corman making additions to the film are correct, then surely the film is banned because it features actual cockfighting (regardless of the director's intent)? OK, the original ban may have come about because cockfighting=naughty (much like we couldn't watch Bruce Lee waving nunchucks about), but I would imagine that the ban has remained in force because what's on display is reality, not fantasy.

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Panasonic Eluga DL1 waterproof Android

Lamont Cranston
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Pint

If you'd used a pint,

you could have completely submerged the phone. Not a very thorough test.

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Rifle-waving Yank's premature detonation ruins city's big bang

Lamont Cranston
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Re: My BS detector's going off.

It's a well known fact that anything combustible will explode if it by a bullet. Likewise, any car that's driven over a cliff will burst into flames before it hits the ground.

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NHS trust spunks £67m on e-patient records, Twitter, Facebook

Lamont Cranston
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Social media?

I can't wait to use facebook to "check in" at the clap clinic.

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Google Chrome serves up only emptiness, for many users

Lamont Cranston
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This wouldn't happen

if people were using Opera. Marvellous browser, although it does cause one to become a pompous arse.

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War On Standby: Do the figures actually stack up?

Lamont Cranston
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Excellent work.

I used to go to sleep with the radio on, which would drive my dad up the wall. When I got my own telly, I got a drubbing down for leaving it on standby - not only was this a massive waste of his electricity, but I should have been unplugging it from the wall, too, lest a "lightning strike" cause it to explode.

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Android Firefox: Screaming, awesome, you'll go blind etc

Lamont Cranston
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That's nice,

but I already have Opera on my phone (twice, for some reason), so I can't see that I'd want Firefox.

Not really a productive comment, but it's been mentioned that this is a browser article, and pro-Opera comments are required.

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Speedball 2 Brutal Deluxe

Lamont Cranston
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Re: sensi

Sensi was (is? I have it for PS2) good, but it's no Speedball 2. Few things beat the feeling of an extended powerslide, down the entire pitch, shoving all comers out of your way, and then flattening the goalie, before chucking the ball into the hole in the wall at point blank range. Or cocking it up at the last minute, and having the ball ping off the wall.

This, and the Chaos Engine are quite possibly the greatest games ever made.

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Ten... celeb headphones

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

Dr. Dre Beats Solo?

Is "putting my name to some high-priced headphones" the new "spanking the monkey"?

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Kensington Virtuoso Mini collapsible stylus

Lamont Cranston
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Re: "slightly longer than a bookie’s pencil"

An IKEA pencil?

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Google brings HD sneezing pandas to UK: But why?

Lamont Cranston
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Facepalm

£200 to replicate the functionality of both my TV and my Blu-ray player

(and most likely my PVR, when I get round to replacing my now defunct BT box)? Ooh, yes please!

Sarcasm aside, if this had a decent interface (both my TV and Blu-ray player have fairly clunky interfaces, and sit firmly in the "watch a YouTube video once and never touch it again" camp) AND PVR capability, I might be interested. But it doesn't even have a tuner, so far as I can make out, so what's the bloody point?

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Huawei Ascend G300 budget Android

Lamont Cranston
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Shame this wasn't out

a couple of months ago - I'd have probably bought one. Then again, Vodaphone - blech!

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Google Nexus 7 price, details confirmed in pre-I/O leak

Lamont Cranston
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re: WHERE'S RIDLEY SCOTT?!?!?!

Hammering nails into the coffin of the Alien franchise, last I heard.

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The Beatles Yellow Submarine restored

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

But,

what about the cartoon?

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Lamont Cranston
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"relevant"?

Go sit in Pseuds' Corner!

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Gone fishin' with Nokia

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Come on...

No joke can ever be funny, if it has to be explained. Still, we didn't have to read it...

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Microsoft's Surface proves software is dead

Lamont Cranston
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I have to agree with Gordon 10.

"Free" is a much abused term. I get a "free" phone with my mobile talk plan, expect that it's not really a free phone, no more than iOS is a free operating system - it's complimentary, if anything, but it isn't free.

Likewise, I got Windows for free when I bought my first PC (no, I didn't, I paid for it, but it's all wrapped up in the same package, so the consumer doesn't notice).

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Apple desperate to prevent nightmare scenario of iPad in Iranian hands

Lamont Cranston
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"and bought the iPad online"

Blimey - I might have accepted a free one as part of an apology, but I don't think I'd have been interested in carrying on with my purchase after that sort of treatment.

Racism? It just works.

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HBO 'sorry' for skewering Dubya

Lamont Cranston
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Re: horrified!

"representatives for substantial people groups in their nation."

Not so much a substantial volume of the electorate, rather those with substantial amounts of cash.

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Foundering Nokia pushes 10,000 bods, 3 veeps overboard

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Never heard of vertu before

They look destined to do a Burberry - luxury designs for the rich and famous, leading to cheap knock-offs, popular with chavs. I'm sure I could get the Vertu look by popping to the nearest market stall and purchasing the nastiest looking case for my [insert handset name here].

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Strong ARM: The Acorn Archimedes is 25

Lamont Cranston
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Is that Meg Ryan in the second picture?

I'll have what she's having.

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: "Novelly"?

NetWareish?

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Digital music sales beat discs for first time in UK

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Also e-books

Gift vouchers are very useful. The ability of the Sony Reader to forget that it's been authorised by Adobe to read books, less so.

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: Music on a stick

Love the downvote on this - you filthy pirate! ;-)

I gave my better half an SD loaded with music, to play in her new Sony Reader, at Christmas, although it was all ripped from CDs I bought for the purpose. Wish I had just nicked it all - she didn't like some of it.

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And the worst film NEVER made is...

Lamont Cranston
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@ JoeF

As Nicholas Parsons might say, "I'll let you have the benefit of the doubt."

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: And now something completely different

Great idea, but every other entry would be a Larry Cohen film, so it wouldn't really be fair.

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Lamont Cranston
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Megaphone

Re: Hedgehog Crisps

They were a brand, not a flavour! I got sick of explaining this at school - I can't believe it's come back to haunt me.

Eating a pack of Sea Salt & Cider Vinegar flavour, made me feel like such a sophisticated 8 year old.

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Hands on with the Intel-powered Orange San Diego

Lamont Cranston
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"rather than an obejctive review"

It's not a review.

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Facebook needs Opera - to rescue it from dependence on Apple

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Positive news

I think you've found the only good thing that might come of this (although I've found very few pages that don't play nice with Opera, of late), but it's far outweighed by the negatives: Facebook will take a wonderful browser, and make it crappy (not to mention that they will make a mockery of Opera's promises to protect their vast data hoard, too).

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WTF is... Li-Fi?

Lamont Cranston
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Sat under an endlessly flickering light?

Isn't this sort of thing banned by the Geneva Convention?

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Diablo III dev rolls 12d6, scores PC sales record

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Eh?

@ L.B.

I don't think there not being an off-line, single player mode is really that big of a deal. I'm a grown-up, with a job and family commitments, so my gaming, such as it is, is pretty casual (I completed Portal, last year!), and I've dealt with this by not purchasing a copy of Diablo III.

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Instagram-owner Facebook emits in-house camera app

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Isn't thiis already on android?

My Nokia (E63, so symbian S60, or something) had its Facebook app updated a while back, and a camera option appeared. Don't think it has a sepia option, though, which just goes to show how uncool my phone and I are.

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Max Payne 3

Lamont Cranston
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Re: That's not Max Payne!

Exactly. Max's permanent "turtling" facial expression was all part of the first game's charm.

On the plus side, he doesn't look like Mark Wahlberg, either.

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LG pitches £7k 55in OLED TV, again

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Most of the people buying these never turn them on.

Of course not - that's the butler's job.

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Google warns against ISPs hard on web filth

Lamont Cranston
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1. Apply to ISP for service

2. ISP agrees to provide service, and asks if you would

a) like them to filter your internet access, explaining that the intent is to prevent children accessing undesirable content

b) like them to provide you with unfiltered internet access

3. If you express a preference for option a), it should then be explained to you that it is not a 100% effective method of protecting your children (should you have any), and so you might wish to take extra steps (as your children are your responsibility, not the ISP's), and it may block access to some content that you might otherwise wish to view; if you express a preference for option b), it should then be explained to you that it, if you will be sharing your connection with minors, you might wish to take steps to filter the internet for them (but that decision will be left up to you, as your children are your responsibility, not the ISP's)

4. You make your choice, and pay your money; world keeps on turning, no one's rights are infringed upon, everyone is happy

This, to me, is how an opt-in system would work, and I have no problem with that. Given that not every adult can be expected to know what a DNS is, or how whitelists work, it seems perfectly reasonable to require ISPs to offer assistance to those who request it.

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Microsoft launches its own 'so.cl' network

Lamont Cranston
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B@stardising punctu@tion?

I'm afraid the paradigm shifted, when you weren't looking.

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NHS car-crash spatters CSC accounts with red ink

Lamont Cranston
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Oh, come on!

How on earth do you expect to bleed a company dry, before retiring on a fat severance package, with that attitude?

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Colour Kindle incoming says mole

Lamont Cranston
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Comic,

sorry, Graphic Novels, and kids' books, I guess. I like the idea, but I think that the current crop of e-readers are too small for reading such things, anyway.

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British 4G mobile data rollout 'will mean NO TELLY for 2m homes'

Lamont Cranston
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Re: All the extra channels are crap

I'm tempted to agree with this, but then I'd not have 5USA, and so be unable to fall back on guaranteed repeats of CSI, when there's nothing else on.

Maybe we could replace BBC1 and ITV with endless CSI and films where stuff blows up? That'd keep me happy.

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Ten... freeware gems for new PCs

Lamont Cranston
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Windows

My picks:

- Spybot S&D and COMODO, I have been virus and malware free for years, which is nice.

- SumatraPDF is nice - a lot nicer than Acrobat, anyway.

Must say, though, that I'm slightly surprised that one of the suggestions for a new Windows PC wasn't some variant of Linux!

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Computer nostalgia is 10 PRINT 'BOLLOCKS'

Lamont Cranston
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Re: The cure to nostalgia!

This, hard. I have many a happy memory of gaming on my +3 (loading off an external tape-deck, as nothing came on disk), but running an emulator on my PC and getting my hands on as many of my old games as possible, was a depressing experience.

Likewise, everytime I bought a "retro" games collection for the Playstation, part of me died.

I'm not saying that there were no great games available for the old micros, but if I could go back in time and show 8 year old me something like Kongregate, well... let's just say it'd create a terrible paradox when the 8 year old jumped into the time machine, and stranded mid-30's me in the past.

Apologies in advance if the universe starts to unravel.

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Biennial boner blights Beemer biker

Lamont Cranston
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Cheers!

As a southerner, I guess I'd better stick to a lager top, rather than any real beer.

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