* Posts by Lamont Cranston

1293 posts • joined 27 Apr 2010

Anti-PRISM Trojan explodes over Jay-Z fans

Lamont Cranston
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Big Brother

Do Google still have the ability to remotely wipe apps from users' phones?

If it's in the Play Store, and it's malware, surely the responsible thing to do would be to 1) remove it from the store, 2) remove it from wherever it's been installed?

A bit Big Brother-ish, but probably to the greater good.

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Microsoft to switch off MSN TV

Lamont Cranston
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Go

Most of the "pros" of an internet-enabled TV

(iPlayer, Netflix, local streaming) will already be included in the consumers' TV/Freeview box/DVD player/games console. If MS really want to put Metro on our TVs, so that we can wave our hands at them (is Minority Report still cool? Probably not), then they have the new X-Box, so I wouldn't expect MSN TV to get a direct replacement (unless MS really are as daft as everyone thinks).

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Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title

Lamont Cranston
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Stop

That's got a lot of windows,

and no sign of a workbench. Are you sure it's a shed?

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I'm 'pretty comfy' with PRISM + 'It's Google. What else do you expect'

Lamont Cranston
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Re: The forcing down of the Bolivian ministers jet is especially concerning.

These Star Wars analogies are all very amusing, but we won't be laughing when Grand Moff Hagel obliterates a small South American nation to prove a point.

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India's low cost tablet dream lives on with Aakash IV

Lamont Cranston
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What happened to number III?

Or have they skipped that part and gone straight for the gritty reboot?

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Fitbit Flex wristband: What to wear out when wearing yourself out

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Why?

Can some enlightened person tell me what this thing does that a pedometer doesn't? Other than come with a bluetooth dongle and an app?

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El Reg encounters mObi: R2-D2 for retailers

Lamont Cranston
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Terminator

Re: Is it hoodie proof?

If it's going to have "Kinect’s gesture recognition" to track "finger movements", I'll be flicking it the Vs at the earliest opportunity. Maybe they can programme it to scurry away in terror if you roar at it?

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US states: Google making ad money on illegal YouTube vids

Lamont Cranston
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I would have thought

that Google generally have a fair idea of where their users are (unless said users are making an effort to mask their location data). That being the case, it surely wouldn't be beyond Google's means to only show ads appropriate to the location (their whole business runs around targetting advertising, anyway - the ads I see from Google are generally UK-centric, so the must be doing this already), with a defult to no ads if your location is one of which they are ignorant the local laws (ok, Google showing no ads is probably pretty unlikely).

This sounds like it would fit their "don't be evil" mantra.

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Bigger than Twitter: Opera releases rebuilt Chromium-based browser

Lamont Cranston
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This was a shit idea when they pushed it on mobile.

It'll be shit on desktop, too.

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Brit fantasy artist sues James Cameron over Avatar world

Lamont Cranston
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Wait a minute.

He wants credit for Avatar? He must be looking for a big settlement if he wants a turd of that magnitude in his portfolio.

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Prince of Persia: Baggy trousers and curvy swords

Lamont Cranston
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Meh

I worry that you might be right.

There's a version on the Google Play store, from EA, that is absolute gash. All I remember from the original is smooth animation and dying on spikes (much like Another World), so maybe the Android version is actually quite accurate, and I just don't miss the "die repeatedly until you learn the sequence of moves that will allow you to not die" mechanic that dominated games in my childhood (Ghouls & Ghosts, anyone?)?

It's still a classic, though (as are Another World and Ghouls & Ghosts)!

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Idaho patriots tool up to battle Jihad with pork bullets

Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Re: Russell's teapot

@Clive Galway

Yup, utterly agnostic about the whole lot, teapot included (not to mention the dragon in your garage). None of it is worth losing any sleep over.

Never begrudge a man his vices, except perhaps if that man's particular vice is shooting pork-coated bullets at what he perceives to be terrorists.

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: So much for respecting the religious beliefs of other people.

The law? I thought the Church of England was the spiritual home for we agnostics.

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Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Re: Any pointers on how I can be a better agnostic?

Thanks, John.

I don't take said beliefs to be likely, much less certain, but have long since accepted that, since I can't prove anything either way, I'm free not to worry about it. It's highly liberating, and I would recommend it to everyone (except I won't, as that would be prosletising!).

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Lamont Cranston
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Needs more

shellfish.

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Lamont Cranston
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Not being a Muslim, I can't pretend to speak for that group,

but even I can see that the "HAM in MoHAMmed" line is bound to offend (as is the little piggy mascot).

Just because you can make offensive jokes (and you can, that's free speech) doesn't mean you should go out of your way to upset people.

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: So much for respecting the religious beliefs of other people.

I love it when atheists (sorry, antitheists) lecture Christians/Muslims/Jews/etc. about how to be a proper Christian/Muslim/Jew/whatever.

Any pointers on how I can be a better agnostic?

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Facebook restricts ads running next to dodgy posts

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

Re: if only the reverse were true

While we're at it, this moon I acquired HAS NO STICK!

Seriously, though, all the facebook ads that I see are for dating websites, too (despite my profile showing that I am married). Given that I don't bother with "like"-ing much on facebook, it clearly doesn't know much about me, and so the default profile for "man on the internet" must be "can't get a girlfriend".

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Our week with Soylent: Don't chuck out your vintage food quite yet

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

You can live on it,

but it tastes like shit.

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Top Norks bone up on Hitler

Lamont Cranston
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Thumb Down

Nice try, Eadon.

I get most of my news from the BBC (primarily the Today programme), and find it to be very well balanced, grilling all of their interviewees, regardless of political colour.

The comedies tend to lean towards the Left, but that's inevitable when mocking those in authority, as those in authority tend to lean towards the Right.

"extreme left wing bias"? Pull the other one - it summons the train to the gulag.

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Google staffing boss: Our old hiring procedures were 'worthless'

Lamont Cranston
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@ Gannon (J.) Dick

I think you'll find that taking an interest in puppies, as part of your selection criteria, is going to put you on the wrong end of a harassment complaint.

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Offensive, iconoclastic internet trolls will NOT be prosecuted, says DPP

Lamont Cranston
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Re: "go take a knife to them, that's what I'm planning to do"

So, where does the law stand on making empty threats?

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Can Microsoft's U-turn stop the Xbox 360 becoming another XP?

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

Microsoft can't very well go with the

"the technology is right it's just the users who are wrong" approach - Apple are very protective of their patents.

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Google flings another £1m at online child sex abuse vid CRACKDOWN

Lamont Cranston
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^ Very much this.

Holding Google to be somehow responsible for these images, seems like a massive cop-out, to me. Then again, I wouldn't be massively surprised to learn the the UK government (or the Daily Mail) doesn't really know how the internet works.

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Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent

Lamont Cranston
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Post testing, it can be renamed to

HolycrapwhydidIjustdrinkthatblaaaaaargh.

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Lamont Cranston
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Go

Re: Pink wafer biscuits = Soylent Pink

Unlike this beige goo, I would happily live on Pink Wafer biscuits. At least until the malnutrition set in.

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Lamont Cranston
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WTF?

Delete the lumps?

My kitchen doesn't have a "delete" button.

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I told you I'd be back: Arnie set for another career revival

Lamont Cranston
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To be fair,

Arnie never really left the silver screen. Probably about time he did, though. "Triplets"? Who's the third - Adam Sandler?

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Badger bloodbath brouhaha brings 'bodge' bumpkin bank burgle bluster

Lamont Cranston
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And a mushroom.

But not a snake.

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Lamont Cranston
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If we acceot that farmers need to earn a living,

and that we all need food, wouldn't the PETA-types be best served by badgering* MEPs and the like so that vaccinating cattle against TB doesn't result in the beef being classified as unfit for consumption?

*pun intended

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How NSA spooks spaffed my DAD'S DATA ALL OVER THE WEB

Lamont Cranston
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I look forward to watching

"What The NSA Did For Us".

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EU signs off on eCall emergency-phone-in-every-car plan

Lamont Cranston
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^ This.

Plus, I'd imagine the expense of send Police/Ambulance/Fire to every little shunt, will soon rack up.

All in all, this strikes me as a well intentioned, but ultimately bone-headed idea.

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Chewbacca held up by TSA stormtroopers for having light sabre

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Maybe he should have carried a blaster and ammo belt instead.

A bowcaster, surely?

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The toy of tech: The Mattel Aquarius 30 years on

Lamont Cranston
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Portal Soccer?

I'd buy that (for the obligatory dollar).

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: Intellivision "soccer"

Being able to run off one side of the screen, and reappear on the other, was a killer feature, and is sadly absent for all subsequent football sims.

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Students outraged: Computer refuses to do any work for entire week

Lamont Cranston
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Mushroom

Re: "100,000 high profile directors"

Pass the assault rifle, the herd needs thinning...

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Lamont Cranston
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Windows

Remember when the next 3 years felt like the rest of your life?

No, me neither. Bloody kids.

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YES, Xbox One DOES need internet, DOES restrict game trading

Lamont Cranston
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Re: the Cloud

Oh, alright then, The Cloud is a catch-all term for applications and services provided on distributed systems, as well as certain implementations of multi-site redundant server virtualisation, and file storage. Saying that something is "in the cloud" is roughly analogous to saying that it's "on the internet" - both terms are vague, but imply that "it" (be it a file or an application) is in a location away from the device, and accessible via the user's internet connection. The Cloud is also the brand name of a WiFi hotspot provider, but this is usually not what someone means when the refer to "The Cloud".

Bleh. That was a mouthful.

Quick, everyone down The Pub (but don't specify which one!).

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Lamont Cranston
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I used to think that video games were worth getting worked up about,

but then I grew up.

Trolling aside, mandatory online, and no 2nd hand games, makes the XBoxOne sound repellent. The idea that you could use your credentials on a friends machine, to play for a whole hour, gave me a good laugh, though.

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Lamont Cranston
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Trollface

Re: the Cloud

It's a catch-all term for remote storage, and also a specific brand on public Wi-Fi. Calm down.

I have a Henry Hoover at home. He's not really a Hoover, though. Bet that makes you cross!

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: So?

Sounds like you're alright. Pull the ladder up, Jack!

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So, who ought to be the next Doctor Who? It's up to YOU...

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Brian cox

A time machine is just what Broughty Ferry needs.

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Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Lots of interesting choices on here

(and many that I've never heard of). All immaterial, though, as Bruce Campbell is on the list, and so I am compelled to vote for him, on the grounds that HE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL.

Actually, he might make for a pretty good Doctor. He might also make for a terrible Doctor, but who cares? HE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL.

I rather like Bruce Campbell.

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Google slides its soft finger-fondling into any willing Android doodad

Lamont Cranston
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Will have to give this a try,

as there's something indescribably wrong with the keyboard on my HTC Desire, post ICS update. Quick mention of the Hacker's Keyboard, which sees use on my Nexus 7 for Terminal sessions.

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Gourmet chemists sniff out ultimate cheese on toast

Lamont Cranston
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Mushroom

Cheese on toast = Good

Beans on toast = Good

Marmite on toast = Superlative

Cheese on beans on toast = Like eating vomit

Cheese on Marmite on toast = Wrong

Beans on Marmite on toast = OH DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

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Lamont Cranston
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Boffin

Really? Cheese on toast?

Fine. Here you go:

1. Turn on grill

2. Whilst grill heats, put bread in toaster and brown slightly more than you intended

3. Burn hands whilst retreiving toast

4. Add sliced (grated, if you're an idiot) cheese* to one side of the toast**

5. Place toast, cheese side up, under the grill until it*** melts

6. Retreive toast, slice if desired, burn mouth on first bite.

*Yellow cheese is traditional, but reds can be used; nothing crumbly (they don't melt properly) and nothing veiny (the results will be bordering on the inedible); bendy cheeses are a possibility, but the results can be strange; all said, best stick with Cheddar.

**You may wish to preceede the cheese with some other toppings/sauces (a slice of ham is a good way to ensure that all the toppings slough off during the first mouthful) - my personal prefence is sliced chicken and jalapenos; you may also with to follow the cheese with a splash of worcestershire sauce (anything else would be an abomination).

***If anything other than the cheese is melting, you should probably lay off the microdots.

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MYSTERY Nokia image-mangling mobe spotted in public

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Windows phones built to Microsoft's hardware recipe

"Having a camera that isn't totally shit", is one of my criteria for phone purchases. Being able to upgrade that to "having a camera that's actually pretty good" would be more than welcome.

MANDATORY CAPITALS

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Never mind WinRT: Tiny Win8 slabs will ship with free Office, too

Lamont Cranston
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Happy

I don't really have anything to add,

but I'm going to ADD IT IN CAPITALS.

Never change, Eadon. The forums would be all the poorer for it.

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Doctor Who? 12th incarnation sought after Matt Smith quits

Lamont Cranston
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Do you need a lie down?

A cup of tea wouldn't hurt, either.

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Snappers binned, mobe-armed hacks drafted at Chicago paper

Lamont Cranston
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Re: I think you're doing L!ve TV a disservice.

I seem to remember the north-European beauty delivering the weather report whilst dressed in evening wear. Proper classy.

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