Really? Cheese on toast?
Fine. Here you go:
1. Turn on grill
2. Whilst grill heats, put bread in toaster and brown slightly more than you intended
3. Burn hands whilst retreiving toast
4. Add sliced (grated, if you're an idiot) cheese* to one side of the toast**
5. Place toast, cheese side up, under the grill until it*** melts
6. Retreive toast, slice if desired, burn mouth on first bite.
*Yellow cheese is traditional, but reds can be used; nothing crumbly (they don't melt properly) and nothing veiny (the results will be bordering on the inedible); bendy cheeses are a possibility, but the results can be strange; all said, best stick with Cheddar.
**You may wish to preceede the cheese with some other toppings/sauces (a slice of ham is a good way to ensure that all the toppings slough off during the first mouthful) - my personal prefence is sliced chicken and jalapenos; you may also with to follow the cheese with a splash of worcestershire sauce (anything else would be an abomination).
***If anything other than the cheese is melting, you should probably lay off the microdots.