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* Posts by Lamont Cranston

1210 posts • joined 27 Apr 2010

The toy of tech: The Mattel Aquarius 30 years on

Lamont Cranston
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Portal Soccer?

I'd buy that (for the obligatory dollar).

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: Intellivision "soccer"

Being able to run off one side of the screen, and reappear on the other, was a killer feature, and is sadly absent for all subsequent football sims.

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Students outraged: Computer refuses to do any work for entire week

Lamont Cranston
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Mushroom

Re: "100,000 high profile directors"

Pass the assault rifle, the herd needs thinning...

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Lamont Cranston
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Windows

Remember when the next 3 years felt like the rest of your life?

No, me neither. Bloody kids.

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YES, Xbox One DOES need internet, DOES restrict game trading

Lamont Cranston
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Re: the Cloud

Oh, alright then, The Cloud is a catch-all term for applications and services provided on distributed systems, as well as certain implementations of multi-site redundant server virtualisation, and file storage. Saying that something is "in the cloud" is roughly analogous to saying that it's "on the internet" - both terms are vague, but imply that "it" (be it a file or an application) is in a location away from the device, and accessible via the user's internet connection. The Cloud is also the brand name of a WiFi hotspot provider, but this is usually not what someone means when the refer to "The Cloud".

Bleh. That was a mouthful.

Quick, everyone down The Pub (but don't specify which one!).

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Lamont Cranston
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I used to think that video games were worth getting worked up about,

but then I grew up.

Trolling aside, mandatory online, and no 2nd hand games, makes the XBoxOne sound repellent. The idea that you could use your credentials on a friends machine, to play for a whole hour, gave me a good laugh, though.

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Lamont Cranston
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Trollface

Re: the Cloud

It's a catch-all term for remote storage, and also a specific brand on public Wi-Fi. Calm down.

I have a Henry Hoover at home. He's not really a Hoover, though. Bet that makes you cross!

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Lamont Cranston
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Re: So?

Sounds like you're alright. Pull the ladder up, Jack!

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So, who ought to be the next Doctor Who? It's up to YOU...

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Brian cox

A time machine is just what Broughty Ferry needs.

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Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Lots of interesting choices on here

(and many that I've never heard of). All immaterial, though, as Bruce Campbell is on the list, and so I am compelled to vote for him, on the grounds that HE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL.

Actually, he might make for a pretty good Doctor. He might also make for a terrible Doctor, but who cares? HE'S BRUCE CAMPBELL.

I rather like Bruce Campbell.

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Google slides its soft finger-fondling into any willing Android doodad

Lamont Cranston
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Will have to give this a try,

as there's something indescribably wrong with the keyboard on my HTC Desire, post ICS update. Quick mention of the Hacker's Keyboard, which sees use on my Nexus 7 for Terminal sessions.

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Gourmet chemists sniff out ultimate cheese on toast

Lamont Cranston
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Mushroom

Cheese on toast = Good

Beans on toast = Good

Marmite on toast = Superlative

Cheese on beans on toast = Like eating vomit

Cheese on Marmite on toast = Wrong

Beans on Marmite on toast = OH DEAR GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

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Lamont Cranston
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Boffin

Really? Cheese on toast?

Fine. Here you go:

1. Turn on grill

2. Whilst grill heats, put bread in toaster and brown slightly more than you intended

3. Burn hands whilst retreiving toast

4. Add sliced (grated, if you're an idiot) cheese* to one side of the toast**

5. Place toast, cheese side up, under the grill until it*** melts

6. Retreive toast, slice if desired, burn mouth on first bite.

*Yellow cheese is traditional, but reds can be used; nothing crumbly (they don't melt properly) and nothing veiny (the results will be bordering on the inedible); bendy cheeses are a possibility, but the results can be strange; all said, best stick with Cheddar.

**You may wish to preceede the cheese with some other toppings/sauces (a slice of ham is a good way to ensure that all the toppings slough off during the first mouthful) - my personal prefence is sliced chicken and jalapenos; you may also with to follow the cheese with a splash of worcestershire sauce (anything else would be an abomination).

***If anything other than the cheese is melting, you should probably lay off the microdots.

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MYSTERY Nokia image-mangling mobe spotted in public

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Windows phones built to Microsoft's hardware recipe

"Having a camera that isn't totally shit", is one of my criteria for phone purchases. Being able to upgrade that to "having a camera that's actually pretty good" would be more than welcome.

MANDATORY CAPITALS

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Never mind WinRT: Tiny Win8 slabs will ship with free Office, too

Lamont Cranston
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Happy

I don't really have anything to add,

but I'm going to ADD IT IN CAPITALS.

Never change, Eadon. The forums would be all the poorer for it.

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Doctor Who? 12th incarnation sought after Matt Smith quits

Lamont Cranston
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Do you need a lie down?

A cup of tea wouldn't hurt, either.

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Snappers binned, mobe-armed hacks drafted at Chicago paper

Lamont Cranston
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Re: I think you're doing L!ve TV a disservice.

I seem to remember the north-European beauty delivering the weather report whilst dressed in evening wear. Proper classy.

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Lamont Cranston
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I think you're doing L!ve TV a disservice.

They also had News Bunny, Britiain's Bounciest Weather (with Rusty Goffe), and, umm, Lunchbox Volleyball (a staple of my late night viewing, as a student). Better than BBCThree, anyway.

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It's a fiddle! Funnyman's Irish tax flashmob floods Apple flagship store

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Own goal ?

Were they advocating a boycott of Apple products, or just suggesting that people but them elsewhere?

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Firefox OS: Go away fanbois, fandroids - you wouldn't understand

Lamont Cranston
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Joke

A large, mostly empty homescreen,

with a clock? 4 icons in the launcher? Candybar form, with rounded corners? A coloured back?

I take it that everyone from Apple to Samsung, through HTC, Nokia, and all the rest, will be lining up to murder this in court?

I do hope not. A decent, budget smartie can only be a good thing.

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WW II U-boat attacks prompt new US response

Lamont Cranston
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Pint

Re: "Time to invoke Godwin's law"

"As a Register Forum discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Eadon approaches 1."

He's the BOOGEYMAN of our age.

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Soylent Corporation prepares to DEFEAT FOOD

Lamont Cranston
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Unhappy

Between this

and the meat-slurry enriched ice-cream reported earlier, it's clearly not a good week for food.

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Is the next-gen console war already One?

Lamont Cranston
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"watch Game of Thrones on Sky"

with a load of pointless waffle plastered all over the screen, utterly obscuring what it was that you were trying to watch in the first place. We all love an enhanced experience, don't we?

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Startup hires 'cyborg' Mann for Google Glass–killer project

Lamont Cranston
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@Trustme

I'm not going to argue the case for omnipresent CCTV and such, but I have a feeling that it goes beyond hoping that those being filmed will fall over, so that the video can be uploaded to YouTube or posted to You've Been Framed.

People might be willing to accept the CCTV cameras, but why are you - yes, you with the smartphone - what are YOU looking at?

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EU boffins in plan for 'more nutritious' horsemeat ice cream

Lamont Cranston
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Using as much of the slaughtered animal as possible,

is a truly laudable aim (and the reason we have black puddings and haggis - and who would want to go without them?). That said, and as much as I love offal, this really does sound disgusting.

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Nvidia opens pre-orders for handheld Shield console three days early

Lamont Cranston
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I always thought that the Xperia Play

was an interesting idea, and this looks to be an extension of that (but primarily, or solely, a games machine, rather than a phone).

The thing that holds back Android games (in my view, at least) if the terrible controls - touch screen only is rubbish for anything beyond puzzlers like Angry Birds - so this is the obvious solution. Whether people want an Android machine for gaming, when the DS is already so dominant in the handheld sector, remains to be seen (my gut says that they don't, and this will go the way of the Lynx).

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'Untidy' Shoreditch just CONFUSES American techies - Olympic hub team

Lamont Cranston
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Re: I can feel the holistic synergy

Yes, but have you harnessed that synergy?

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IT bloke publishes comprehensive maps of CALL CENTRE menu HELL

Lamont Cranston
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Re: This will be useful...

I forget who it was, but I had cause to phone a company who's hold music would be occassionally interrupted to let me know that I was "[n]th in the queue". All well and good, but I soon found out that the longest wait was when I was "next in the queue", suggesting that the whole thing was just an artificial countdown.

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Lamont Cranston
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Thumbs up for my energy provider, on this issue (Ovo Energy),

as they prominently display both an 0800 and a regualr (geographic) number, on all their materials (and the welcome message on the 0800 reminds you of this, again). I do wish more companies would do this.

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Lamont Cranston
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*click* ... *dial tone* ... *scream*

I see you've been calling BT.

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Half of youngsters would swap PRIVACY for... cheaper insurance

Lamont Cranston
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"privacy is only a problem for the last generation"

Or perhaps it's just the fact that car insurance for those in the 18-24 bracket is so ludicrously expensive, that they'd agree to anything that might bring it down a bit?

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BlackBerry Messenger unleashed: Look out Twitter and Facebook

Lamont Cranston
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Headmaster

Based on that final screenshot,

a world without punctuation is not a world in which I wish to live, so I'll pass on BBM. Thanks for the offer, though.

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Yahoo! May! Buy! Tumblr! For! One! BEELLION! Bucks!

Lamont Cranston
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Re: "tumblr"? What's that?

If only Yahoo! had a search engine, then you could use that to look up "tumblr". Oh well...

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Microsoft conceals job ad in Bing homepage

Lamont Cranston
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I had a "shipping experience"

whilst reading some slash-fiction. Not an experience that I'm keen to repeat.

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Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

Lamont Cranston
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Go

I got fined by one of these companies, using ANPR in place of

actual tickets, or human interaction, claiming that I'd failed to pay their parking charge. Pretty stupid process as, unless you remember to get a ticket from the machine, you can't prove that you paid.

Got it overturned, in the end, but I fully endorse any prankster who wants to give these idiots the run around.

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Movie review: Star Trek Into Darkness

Lamont Cranston
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"he's the bad guy...because he's British"

To pick just two examples, Die Hard and The Avengers would both have been considerably less interesting if the bad guys were re-cast. To pick another two: Superman 2 and Beverly Hills Cop.

The British get the bad guy roles in Hollywood films because a) the British are the traditional enemy of the Americans (the War of Independence* was a pretty big deal) and b) British actors are better, whether they be giving a finely nuanced performance, heavy with pathos, or just chewing up the scenery at every available opportunity.

As much as I enjoyed the last Star Trek film, it's Cumberpatch that I'm most looking forward to watching, in this one.

*Not sure why they hate the French so much, though.

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German govt DUMPS 170 NEW PCs riddled with Conficker

Lamont Cranston
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Pint

Re: Shall we chalk that one up to another Windows security FAIL?

I may have downvoted you for missing the point, but I do admire your dedication.

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Lamont Cranston
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Unhappy

@ Vlad

I'd like to read your post as a satire, but experience tells me that it's far nearer the truth than any of us would like to admit.

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'Ultimate nerd chick’ prompts C64 clone cancellation

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Hmm

So, some pre-loaded memory cards, and a C64-shaped case into which to slip the Pi - if there was sufficient interest in his original idea, wouldn't that transfer over to this?

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Fighting Fantasy and fantastic fights in tights

Lamont Cranston
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OK, I'm already to consider the "indie origins and price"

of The Cat Lady. What are they?

Whilst I'm asking stupid questions, does anyone still play point'n'click adventures? Have they moved on past "go everywhere, say everything to everybody and try giving them everything in your inventory"?

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Not cool, Adobe: Give the Ninite guys a job, not the middle finger

Lamont Cranston
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Hail he, who has come from the skies

to deliver us from the terrors of the deadites!

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Pirates scoff at games dev sim's in-game piracy lesson

Lamont Cranston
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@LilCricket

Nice try, but you DIDN'T USE ENOUGH CAPITALS. Also, I don't agree with you.

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Vietnamese madam cuffed after advertising girls on Facebook

Lamont Cranston
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At least someone

is making money from facebook.

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Another blow for Flash as Unity gaming engine kills support

Lamont Cranston
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@mutatedwombat

I don't think that "dynamic lighting, shadows, real time physics" are much of a concern to the casual gaming crowd.

I play on Kongregate, and tend to find that the games that use Unity are not the games that interest me.

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Virgin Media: SO SORRY we fined your dead dad £10 for unpaid bill

Lamont Cranston
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Re: Way over the top

Tsk. You'll never get your 15 minutes of fame if you insist on behaving like a grown up.

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Lamont Cranston
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I don't think much of the company that bills me for my water consumption.

What should I do - take my custom elsewhere?

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Review: Disgo 8400G 7.9in Android tablet

Lamont Cranston
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Happy

Maybe all reviews should be like this?

"What's it like? No idea, but judging by the box, I award a score of 47%"

Think of the time saved! With all these resources freed up from this "journalism" nonsense, LOHAN could be on the moon, by now.

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iPhone too heavy? Volkswagen brings out motorised ride-on dock

Lamont Cranston
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Unhappy

Good grief.

I don't normally get car sick, but now have a great urge to throw up.

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Shut the CANUCK up! Sony offers $1m to hacked gamers

Lamont Cranston
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So, as compensation for an outage of their online game service,

users are invited to buy 3 more games on their online game service?

I will miss physical media, when it goes.

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Sonic the Hedgehog

Lamont Cranston
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Unhappy

Re: Super Sonic (@Jared Hunt)

Damn, my childhood feels uttely wasted, now.

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