* Posts by Locky

156 posts • joined 7 Apr 2010

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Cisco recalls switches that could short power to the case. And hurt you

Locky

Recall...

Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...

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Scottish MP calls for drone-busting eagles

Locky

Freedom of the press

It could make BBC reporting a little more grounded

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-24712136

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GCHQ’s Xmas puzzle proves uncrackable

Locky

Brucie Bonus

Or perhaps too many people have seen Mercury Rising, and the probability of Bruce Willis popping round to protect you is slim at best

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Alphabet, cough, Google most valuable biz on Earth as it pours billions into 'other bets'

Locky

What it does mean though is that Apple will now start their tax "negotioations" with, "Well Google paid £130m, and they're bigger than us...."

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You've seen things people wouldn't believe – so tell us your programming horrors

Locky

Powershell bug

I distinctly remember the morning when I found out that there was a Microsoft feature in early powershell where if a variable returned nul, and you then reference that variable, it selects all rather than nothing.

I had impressivley scripted to set the entire company's Out of Office message to "I have now left the company"

Oh how we laughed....

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Thousands fled TalkTalk after gigantic hack, confirm researchers

Locky

Wow

"However, the operator gained 100,000 more customers during the period"

Who on earth was changing their ISP and thought, "TalkTalk, I've heard of them on the news, they are the supplier I want to be with for the next 2 years?"

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El Reg mulls entering Robot Wars arena

Locky

And in the red corner

The El Reg "Cattle Prod"

/cue flashing lights and Eye of the Tiger theme music...

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

Locky
Pint

I would put a pithy comment about this but...

it's beer o'clock time....

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A third of UK.gov big projects will fail in next five years, warns NAO

Locky

A third of UK.gov big projects will fail in next five years

The other two thirds will fail in years six to ten....

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BBC News website takes New Year's Eve break

Locky

Do you want to play Global Thermonuclear War?

Let's hope the Trident submarine commanders still surface to hear The Today Programme rather than just pinging the site, else 2016 could be much shorter than anticipated...

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Grim-faced cosmonaut in ISS manual docking nail-biter

Locky

What does success look like?

I'm pretty sure I read that a NASA space project has circa 600,000 components, and they class a success as 99.9% of those working, so you expect around 600 things to fail

So if I was Tim, I'd have smashed 599 egg cups on the way to the launch pad.

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HMRC bets the farm on digital. What could possibly go wrong?

Locky

Nothing could possibly go wrong from here

A massive government IT project, a huge budget, and lots of room for scope-creep.

History will show us that these projects are guaranteed successes and will be delivered on time and on budget

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How to build a real lightsabre

Locky

Re: How do you make a lightsabre...

You start by getting a tray...

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US Navy's newest ship sets sail with Captain James Kirk at the bridge

Locky
Pirate

The Royal Navy best not order any of these

This guy would destroy the fleet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDHPCr5m4ko

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BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it

Locky

One of those kicking-Bishop-Brennan-up-the-arse moments

We've all seen them, the key is not to be involved

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Microsoft Office 365, Azure portals offline for many users in Europe

Locky

Here you go M$

Have all my eggs to place in your expertly managed basket.

Who would have thought that this could possibly happen?

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Outsourcer didn't press ON switch, so Reg reader flew 15 hours to do the job

Locky

Similar

Back in the last millennia, I worked for a company who had a server at a customer's site in a London train depot, I was based in Derby

It "stopped working", no power to it at all. Being the lowly trainee at the time I wasn't important to speak to the client myself, but was dispatched on a train to the bright lights to try to resolve the issue, armed with spare PSU and cables.

Arrived on site, lifted the floorbox, and turned the plug back on

Case closed, long lunch on expenses, beers on the train home

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Volkswagen enlarges emissions scandal probe: 'Millions' more cars may have cheated

Locky

Just VW doing this?

Not a chance

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Caption this: WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Locky

The Doctor? Nooooo, I'm just IT Support. He's the one hiding upstairs. Calls himself a timelord but he can't even get his NTP service working right

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Digital Services to be killed off early next year, Gov.uk confirms

Locky
Coat

Corrections....

"DOS will be broken into three lots" should read "DOS will be broken"

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WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

Locky

My eyes are up here techies

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We are the Knights who code Ni!

Locky

We don't want this

We want....

a shrubbery

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World finally ready for USB-bootable OS/2

Locky
Childcatcher

Memories

My first job was looking after a twinax network which ran on Novell 3.12 and a OS/2 server with Notes 3. Most days were spent walking around the site working out who had kicked out their network cable.

Admins today, they don't know they're born

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Handing over emails in an Irish server to the FBI will spark a global free-for-all, warns Microsoft

Locky

Office365...

And how the US legal system killed off M$'s strategy for the next 5 years.

Coming to a El Reg article near you soon

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Why do driverless car makers have this insatiable need for speed?

Locky

Re: The end of any driving pleasure

Or make the batteries hot pluggable and a standard size. Then you pull up to a service station, take yours out, pay, pick up a fully chard module, plug in and drive out

No change to the mass infrastructure, and gives the manufacturers time to develop hydrogen posibilities

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Microsoft changes 'Outlook Web Access' to 'Outlook on the web'

Locky
Coat

Sweep command?

I presume coming soon is Hook, Block, and Cover Drive

Mines the one with a copy of Wisden in the pocket

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Boffin: Will I soon be able to CLONE a WOOLLY MAMMOTH? YES. Should I? Hell NO

Locky

If only

there was some kind of easily accessible media that would explain the consequences of doing this

But that would be just crazy talk

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Virgin Media goes TITSUP, RUINS Tuesday evening

Locky

Re: .......the outage hit around about dinner time..........

It wah back on by tea, nee bother

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Halifax's '24/7' online banking service is down YET AGAIN

Locky

This was never a problem

When Howard was running things, the age old issues out outsourcing and offshoring...

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BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY

Locky

Re: LP05

Our entire payments were run off one of these.

The insides were laced with razor-sharp shards to teach the PFY's of the day to be careful where they put their hands....

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RIP Sir Terry Pratchett: Discworld author finally gets to meet DEATH

Locky
Pint

Sad news

A glass will be raised

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Win! El Reg exceedingly fine mug collection

Locky

Re: Yorkshire Tea is fine, but...

We don't have ard wata up here. Be away with ya...

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The BBC wants to slap a TAX on EVERYONE in BLIGHTY

Locky
Pint

Charge the ex-pats

From all the ex-pats I know, one of the few things they miss is (legal) access to BBC content. So create a non-UK iPlayer, charge for a login per day / year / program. Boom, instant revenue, no infrastructure change required.

Thanks, I'll take my consultancy fee now

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BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek

Locky

Re: This sounds horribly familiar

Ah, that's opex, beancounters only care about capex...

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Symantec sources claim exec teams in place by April Fools' Day

Locky

Still lots of love for Veritas

Ain't that the truth

I'm here all week, please tip your waitress

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Solar-powered bra maker suffers 20,000 TITSUPs all at once

Locky

Sorry for the bother?

Good to see they've hired Paddington for their PR

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Little big phone: Sony Xperia Z3 Compact, a toothsome hand-fulla Android

Locky

Re: Z2 Compact

It's not watching movies on your phone that makes you go blind. Well, some movies...

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Ford dumps Windows for QNX in new in-car entertainment unit

Locky

In-Car Blackberry

I look forward to having to take the battery out of the engine every couple of weeks when the OS freaks out

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Hairy situation? Blade servers can reach where others can't

Locky

Naughty By Nature for a Friday

That is all...

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It's a pain in the ASCII, so what can be done to make patching easier?

Locky

Indeed

This is the point when some clever BOFH's post "Why don't you just use xxxxx, it does everything, and it's free. It even orders your round in at the bar while you wait for the green ticks of completion"

/sits and waits....

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Detroit losing MILLIONS because it buys CHEAP BATTERIES – report

Locky

Why do they need parking meters anyway?

Just deploy some ED209's with traffic warden hats. Parking problem goes away in around 20 seconds

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Trying to sell your house? It'd better have KILLER mobile coverage

Locky

Re: femotocells

My point exactly.

Never overestimate the stupidity of the general public

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VMware fuels cloudy drive, plonks second bit barn in UK

Locky

Chesington DC

It's a world of adventures

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VMware to offer converged compute and storage hardware

Locky

Marvin

Brain the size of a planet and they ask me to virtualise servers

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Microsoft Surface 3 Pro: Flip me over, fondle me up

Locky

Re: "Nobody invented the screwdriver hammer"

"You're forgetting the 3 Rules of Engineering"

Close;

1. Always use the correct tool for the job.

2. If it moves and it shouldn't, Hammer

3. It it doesn't move and it should, WD40

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BOFH: Is WHAT 'running slow'!? GOD

Locky

Re: so familiar...

Only to be beaten by the ones who send group emails to proclaim that email is down. Gee, thanks.for.that

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New Terminator-style 'bots can self-assemble, leap, climb and SWARM

Locky

Re: A witch! A witch!

To be fair, what is science if not witchcraft with clipboards?

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Locky
Terminator

Nothing to worry about here

It's not like other scientist are developing velociraptor like robots that could combine with this to create the perfect killing machine;

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/01/05/dino_tail_robot/

Well lucky for us there's no Skynet-like AI which will allow it to realise that humans are the threat;

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/05/21/ibm_watson_talking_computer_customer_service/

Oh

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VMware to customers: STOP INSTALLING OUR SOFTWARE! NOW!

Locky

You'd hope not, and don't call me Shirley

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The Solar System's second-largest volcano found hiding on Earth

Locky
Mushroom

Named by Sasha Barron-Cohen?

Clearly a nod toward his Staines Massif

I believe the correct response is "BOOM"

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