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* Posts by BongoJoe

513 posts • joined 3 Apr 2010

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Coming to a theater near you: the TETRIS MOVIE

BongoJoe
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Re: So Battleship 2, is it then?

...so, it's not the only way to be sure!

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SPECIAL iPHONE TROUSERS will ease Apple into the fashion world

BongoJoe
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Re: Incompatability

What about the small of the back?

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A moment of brilliance? UPnP for Internet of Stuff lightbulbs

BongoJoe
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I can imagine going to replace a light bulb... And then find I need Administrator Rights.

It's not uncommon here after a power cut (thank you, Tom Jones -- no not that one) for my wifi to bork and various devices forget what they are connected to and even access points do something silly and it can take a while for me to get the network up and running right. Especially with words of encouragement from the wife who can't get onto Pinterest.

Imagine then all the thermostats, light bulbs, door catches, cat flaps, car engine starters, car engine stoppers and fridges all losing the House Cloud.

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BongoJoe
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Re: Making things simple

I can see this sort of utopian existance where we're all not living in ticky tack houses where we're all living the utopian dream in which technology knows so much about our lives that we don't need to program it and, yet, when we fall out of the routine for any reason then Plans B, C & D spring into action saving our lives.

It won't work like that. What will happen is that we'll be ruled more and more by technology, that we're all living in ticky tack estates and all forced into the same drone like nine to fives in our work hives rather than being liberated by technology.

I'm lucky, I guess. I work for myself at home working the hours that I want for the few customers that I wish to have. If I don't want to work one day then I don't. I find my life so much more liberated and more pleasant than those laden down with devices, wearable hipster beards and all of the other techno-crud purely because I do "get it" and I have chosen not to go with it.

The whole point, we are told time and time again, is that technology is there to make our lves better. Yes, I admit that we can watch better televsion these days and surf the internets without having dial-up but when it comes to being tethered to the technological wheel with phones needed to open the door or turn on the lights and all the other wonderful advances that we're promised I can guarantee one thing and that is we won't find our lives more liberated but things will be more proscribed and restrictive.

This is why I, and I dare say some others, are laughing at all this. And I bring to mind that Philip Dick novel in which Our Man couldn't leave the room because he couldn't pay the door. Or in this case because the House Cloud is down.

The House Cloud? We're going back in time aren't we to when the Romans had their House Gods. Be much the same thing.

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BongoJoe
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Re: Making things simple

When you leave in the morning your car has already warmed up, your heating turns down to frost mode and all the lights adn non essential electrics switch off.

You have a streaming cold. You are shivering, you can't focus and you can't think straight because the brain isn't functioning. Every joint in your body aches and you can barely shuffle around.

You wisely take the day off work and lie in bed listening to the radio with the bedside lamp on. The lamp goes off, the radio goes off the house becomes dark. It's getting colder and colder and you need to get warm.

And then, you hear the car start up...

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BongoJoe
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Re: Making things simple

Do you still get out of your chair to push buttons on your TV and DVD players or do you use a remote control?

When entering a darkened room do you reach for the light switch or a phone?

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BongoJoe
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Re: Making things simple

3) the ability to turn my heating on or off by remote control

Now I would buy into this for sure. You know on those dark, cold wintry days when you realise that the firewood is in the barn and needs chopping and there's none by the side of the fire.

If it could somehow chop the wood, bring it in, sort out the dry kindling and get a good blazing fire going in the stove then I would gladly allow the app on my phone.

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BongoJoe
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It's bad enough having to go to the next town to change the bulb in the kitchen of my ancestor when it pops. Having to deal with the in-house cloud is going to take things to a disfunctional level which only Philip K Dick could dream of.

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Cable guy, Games of Thrones chap team up to make Reg 'best sci-fi film never made' reject

BongoJoe
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Which is why the Gap books are so good. One really develops a feeling (mostly of distaste) for everyone.

Moreover it's a sign of a good book when, years later, one can still remember the main characters' names.

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BongoJoe
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Re: The Martian

Thank you for the suggestion you two and Amazon Prime for delivering it tomorrow.

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BongoJoe
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I would love someone to have the guts to make Donaldson's THE GAP SERIES for the small screen.

Assuming, that is, the DVD wouldn't be sold in a plain brown wrapper in the countries where it wouldn't be banned.

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One million people have bonked on London public transport

BongoJoe
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Now this explains the state of the seats...

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Microsoft on the Threshold of a new name for Windows next week

BongoJoe
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Well, they could go further and shove in stuff like "-ENU" that they use on their server products to really confuse us all.

Whatever they call it, unless it does backward compatability in a backward and compatible manner then I won't touch it.

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Bruges Booze tubes to pump LOVELY BEER underneath city

BongoJoe
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Re: Not unique

I also thought that the De Koninck brewery in Antwerpen also did this.

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Stunned by Shellshock Bash bug? Patch all you can – or be punished

BongoJoe
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Revenue

So, whilst being thorough in one's investigations and not download the first patch that one comes across could well lead to one being fined.

Sometimes I think that these bodies are all about revenue gathering rather than being there to provide advice and support to those who need it.

Not everyone who hosts a server, this could be anyone on the end of a fixed IP address (and in fact not necessarily that), has the knowledge to understand all this stuff but enough to host their own stuff and threatening them with fines isn't really the way forward.

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Hackers thrash Bash Shellshock bug: World races to cover hole

BongoJoe
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Re: It's getting worse

No doubt that the editorial team consultated Stephen Fry for technical guidance...

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Half a BILLION in the making: Bungie's Destiny reviewed

BongoJoe
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So, it's like Dust 514 but with knobs on?

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New Snowden leak: US and Brit spooks 'tap into German telco networks to map end devices'

BongoJoe
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Re: I didn't believe the SCALE

I can't agree more. I am staggered at how large all this is.

It, however, doesn't seem to have stopped much in the way of global terrorism. Perhaps it really was for national economic gain after all.

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Found inside ISIS terror chap's laptop: CELINE DION tunes

BongoJoe
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1niTEkP-6eo

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City hidden beneath England's Stonehenge had HUMAN ABATTOIR. And a pub

BongoJoe
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Re: Forget the 'WHEEL'...

There was that old quote about the signs of civilsation were along the lines of having a pub, a jail and a racecourse.

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What the BLOCK? Microsoft to gobble Minecraft-maker 'for $2bn'

BongoJoe
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Pint

I already get offered updates for Microsoft applications, such as Silverlight, that I haven't installed. So, I can only assume it won't be long before I get pestered on Patch Tuesday* with MineCraft updates.

Or perhaps MS can integrate it with SQL Express and then we can have Data Mine Craft additions...

Sorry, it's a slow day and I can't get my head into coding mode at all. Is it Gin and Tonic o'clock yet?

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BongoJoe
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Re: It was fun while it lasted.

I'm just thinking of Eskimo Nell in a coffin...

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BongoJoe
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I can't wait.

Minecraft.Net

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BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

BongoJoe
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Re: BBC content is no longer worth the Licence Fee.

We've got rid of ours years ago. And we don't miss it.

For TV dramas there's always Netflix or even the iPlayer applications of the various channels.

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Jony Ive: Apple iWatch will SCREW UP Switzerland's economy

BongoJoe
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Thumb Down

I remember when the digital watch was going to kill the Swiss watch industry back in the 70s. The Swiss moved double-quick and brought out the Swatch and any fears were averted.

I can't see this watch lasting more than a year before it's passed over and we're back to the traditional timepeices, i.e. our mobile phones.

Anyway, if he works for Apple shouldn't he be called Tim iVe?

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Shitty what? Almost half of MPs have never heard of Tech City

BongoJoe
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To be fair I have only heard a few things about it. I haven't got a clue as to what it is, where it is and what it's supposed to do for us.

I am not rubbishing what may be, for all I know, a perfectly good working establishment but it does have a rather trite name.

I have left IT in the City a decade ago and, really, I have no idea what this is all about. So if I haven't a clue then I wouldn't expect many MPs to have a clue neither.

I know that the government is wanting everyone to get into coding because of something on the BBC (again only heresay as I don't have a telly) and if this is some sort of Blue Sky project to get IT moving and people into software development then I think that this is the wrong way to go about it.

If we're having establishments built up on a roundabout or around a roundabout (yes, I must look this up as I have a vision in my head that won't go away of Royston Vasey zoo) then we're going to get a hive of middle managers and HR droids sucking the life out of everything and making everything, as usual, London and Boris-centric.

I would be better if the government arranged with every multinational to ship out to every UK resident who requests it a free full development package from all the major corporations so that we can have a country full of developers living and working all over the country.

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Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

BongoJoe
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Re: uncrackable password

Such as ilovemysheep?

And then the Saes eat them.

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End of buttons? Apple looks to patent animating iPhone sidewalls

BongoJoe
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Re: I don't see it working

"No, officer. I wasn't playing with myself as I passed by the school entrance. I was merely adjusting the volume on my iPad."

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Brit Sci-Fi author Alastair Reynolds says MS Word 'drives me to distraction'

BongoJoe
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Re: Not WYSIWYG

That is surely the job of the template.

The trouble wth Word is how that it's evolved. Once upon a time it was simple everything worked on normal.dot as the default template. Any global 'templates' (i.e. .dot files loaded in the start-up folder) added code functionality and menu items to the whole Word session.

Then the concept of the document template was added. Here we could put the styles for the document as well as the layout and so on and so forth. Any VBA which was required for the template could go in here and this is where one should have had a Manuscript.dot template for the authors.

The idea by now was for the user to get rid of the normal.dot stuff. In fact, it was never ever a good idea to put any code, styles or formatting in normal.dot as it became something which had to be sacrificed from time to time as it ended up as Microsoft's scratch pad and all sorts of internal bonkersness went on in there.

Problems would then occur with users of MS Word when they didn't use document templates but instead formatted directly on normal.dot and this is then when things started to bork even faster than before. I always trained my clients to have a three layer 'trifle' going on: normal.dot at the bottom, the document template (the .dot file) and then the document at the top.

As someone rightly said above here; putting VBA into documents is the work of the devil. I agree, there should never be any code in any of the .doc files; they should either be in one of the global templates (I used to have dozens running which really made them not templates per se) or in the document template.

Then advance further to today. And we have Themes. This is complete bollocks and baloney; this ought to be in the templates and not in the document and MS have managed to break something that was more or less broken anyway. They've managed to wean a whole generation of uses off something that almost worked onto something that I have been spending (or have spent as I don't touch Word development any more) years on educating users.

But, hey, it's the Microsoft say. It makes things more dumbed down, more shiny and underneath they've really buggered it up.

Back to Scrivener; that works well and it does export to Word. Writing to Word via COM works really well. Well, to an certain degree. Which is why in my code when I write to Word in my nightly document runs (I tend to create at least half a dozen documents a night of over 100 pages of densely formatted text in tables, using tabs and styles) and I have found ways to stop Word exploding.

It isn't for no reason why I have a routine that I call every few paragraphs that I have had to write which I call PreventWordDeath() . The name of it may explain what it does. I've had to as Word is utterly borked in about every department but at least it's got a COM interface, has a good Object Model inside so it does the job. At least if one has struggled with it for decades and knows its many thousands of foibles.

Enough of this. I need a drink. My consultant told me this morning that I need to drink up to six litres of clear fluids a day and one can't get any clearer than gin. So this is me signing off my brain now...

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BongoJoe
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The reason is that it tries to do everything and it doesn't. In the early days, going back to Word 2 (I never saw any earlier incarnations) any changes to the application tended to be bolt ons and updates tended to be lashed on rather than replaced and if one thing didn't work in one release it was mangled in the subsequent releases (remember the disasterous Styles and Numbering which was really borked in Word 7?).

Every update was basically a wrapper around the previous code and the wrapper would try to correct errors of the previous code. And any updates or corrections made to that wrapper would be made in another wrapper.

And so on. The thing became a bloated mess and very few of the fundamental errors or shortfalls were ever properly addressed.

Some were. For example the diseased Styles and Numbering (which used to cause me no end of headaches when working on Word development projects) was only sort-of fixed with the larger law firms in the US all got together and said that they'd move onto another product en-masse if the S&N wasn't sorted.

It was sorted. To some extent but that is what it took for the MS to actually change the faulty code. It was still crap but significantly less crap than before.

Then over the years things just got bigger, more bloated and really didn't offer much more than before. But features had to be added in order to sell new licences. Going back to the stuff from Office 2000 isn't necesassily a bad move. At least I can modify the menu bar with VBA for the application any my templates.

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BongoJoe
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Re: @BongoJoe: Word isn't the best tool for job

Ralph, Skrivener is what I have suggested along with many others here.

edit. I keep spelling it with a 'k' rather than a 'c'. Apologies; it's habit after using Norwegian for many years where 'skrive' means write and I forget to Anglicise the spelling by replacing the second letter.

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BongoJoe
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Word has always been poor for any form of Long Documents. This has been known from the days of Word 2 even though I used to develop for it.

It's good for some stuff, but for manuscripts it's terrible. When I so attempt anything that's going to be an article then I either kick start it in TextPad (still my text editor of choice after all these years) or fire up the excellent Skrivener.

For anything more than a dozen pages, sections, sub-documents and the like then Word isn't the best tool for job. Which is a shame as that is exactly what it should be used for.

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True fact: 1 in 4 Brits are now TERRORISTS

BongoJoe
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"True fact"

Is there any other kind?

Philip K Dick would tend to disagree.

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BongoJoe
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Re: IS ISIS ISISIS IRA?

Do you mean Britons are starting to talk in Gaelic, drink black beer and celebrate St. Patrick's day?

Gotta love these Welsh patron saints...

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BongoJoe
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Re: ISIS

Option 1 is never going to work. We know that it's not going to succeed and IS are not going to stpp being bastards because we're playing by the Queensbury Rules.

Which leads us to Option 2. I can't honestly think of a third option. If we go that way then we have to accept that the West is at war with Islam. And then what to do? Internment for every Muslim? Close every mosque?

I would like to see a third option but can't imagine one. The first option isn't working and is never going to work and it's going to be seen as a weaness by IS. And there's no way that I would want Option 2 but, honestly, is there going to be a least worse solution?

I really hope that there is.

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BAT-GOBBLING urban SPIDER QUEENS swell to ENORMOUS SIZE

BongoJoe
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Alien

Re: *whimper*

Cue the fabulous "The Black Widow" by Alice Cooper with, of course, Vincent Price with the obligatory opening monologue.

But at least Alice was first with Vinnie.

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Canadian ISP Shaw falls over with 'routing' sickness

BongoJoe
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It's fast becoming

Office --364

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Get ready: The top-bracket young coders of the 2020s will be mostly GIRLS

BongoJoe
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I pity this future generation of girls. Having to deal with mindless pointy haired bosses and middle managers promoted above their ability.

Wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

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Microsoft exits climate denier lobby group

BongoJoe
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Re: ...that word. I do not think it means what you think it means

If anyone is in any doubt about the existance of a climate then I invate them to come here to North Wales.

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

BongoJoe
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Re: Flash

Ah, but you know you can get an app for the phone which displays a lighter on the screen?

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EE: STILL Blighty's best mobe network, says 'Frappucino' Moore

BongoJoe
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Re: Twice the network

That is exactly my story with Nothing Nowhere. I gave up on them earlier this year.

The customer services droid promised me that they were going to build a new mast right near me. But that was sales hokum just to get me to sign up for longer.

I now have the ability to call from my office desk at home with my current carrier.

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Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy

BongoJoe
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Re: PongoJoe He needs the attention, but still...

You can smell all you like but that was pure fact.

I am from the North East and I was seriously considering a career with plod. My father was a copper for a while and I thought that I would make a decent copper myself.

A couple of things changed that. First that picture which truly sickened me at the time. The second was the sight of the police waving five pound notes at the strikers.

I don't know if you remember those times or whether you're from the Northern coalfields but that really sickened a lot of people, myself included. That made my mind up for me; was it goung to be coppering or into IT. I then went into college in the late 70s to study Computer Science.

No idea why I got the downvote though, everything that I wrote was factual and accurate. As I say my father was a copper before me (though he had retired from the force before the strike) as was devasted by what was going on on our television screens.

You can disbelieve, you can call me a liar, you can downvote me. But that picture was one of the principle factors for me to change my mind about becoming a copper.

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BongoJoe
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Re: He needs the attention, but still...

I was contemplating a career in the police until the miners' strike started

This picture http://www.defendtherighttoprotest.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/miners-strike-orgreave.jpg was the reason that I changed my mind.

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This'll end well: US govt says car-to-car jibber-jabber will SAVE lives

BongoJoe
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Re: And if it's an Audi

The BMW message:

THE OVERTAKING LANE IS MINE, ALL MINE! THE OVERTAKING LANE IS MINE, ALL MINE!

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The Return of BSOD: Does ANYONE trust Microsoft patches?

BongoJoe
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Re: "uninstall the botched update from crippled PCs"

What is even better is the paragraph in the Release Note for this patch which tells us what to do in case of things not working (MS avoid using the term 'BSOD') by telling us to restart the machine in safe mode and then perform steps X Y and then Z

Of course, MS forget to add that Safe Mode is borked too.

The downloaded Boot Disk is one's friend here.

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BongoJoe
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Oh, I do agree in principle. But when dealing with a font cache that shirley shouldn't kill the operating system...

I didn't need a font cache last week or even last year so if it doesn't work now then so be it.

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BongoJoe
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Had this one myself. Once I found out what it was it was easy to fix but, goodness, that shouldn't have caused a Blue Screen at all.

Doesn't Microsoft catch errors in their code any more? It would be a lot better than coming up with STOP ?

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FAIL - the most incompetent IT pros

BongoJoe
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Re: The most incompetent contract programmer...

If he went into telecoms, then I may have met him.

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Games I spent waaay too much time on - 80s onwards.

BongoJoe
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Only one game left now. I guess that this qualifies as Real Life is what I do in downtime.

It can only be...

EVE Online

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Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy

BongoJoe
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Re: It's only logical...

... after decades of using smileys and laugh tracks on TV to identify "humour".

Which is invariably wrong.

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