* Posts by BongoJoe

807 posts • joined 3 Apr 2010

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Uitsmijter

BongoJoe
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Re: Northern refinement

Stork?

(see icon)

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BongoJoe
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Re: Northern refinement

It's for fending off the whippet whilst tucking into the lard doorstop sarnie.

Any proper Northerner would tell you that.

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BongoJoe
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Re: Uitsmijter is lekker!

This is definitely a home cooking job as most of the shops that sell the uitsmijter are closed when the pubs close

Which is why living in Belgium was preferable. There's always something open somewhere.

One cafe I used to go to in the early hours was last closed during the Occupation. Even now if they have to decorate the place they move the detritus (that's a posh word for the likes of you and I at four in the morning) to the other side of the bar.

Belgium is much derided by its detractors but it's got its priorities sorted out.

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BongoJoe
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Memories

The number of times that on work days in Antwerpen that I had a near fatal hangover and the only thing that I could face at lunch was one of these are just too many to mention.

Weekend hangovers, of course, were treated to a pot of mussels on the banks of the Schelde with copious amounts of either Hoogarden (in pre-Interbrew days) and/or De Koningk.

Thanks for the glorious memories.

(excuse spelling. It's the gin. Honest)

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Rampaging fox terrorises rural sports club, victim sustains ‘tweaked groin’

BongoJoe
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Miscomprehension

Surely this is was all nothing more than an unscreened episode of Brittas Empire.

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Rosetta spots potholes IN SPAAACE: Someone call the galactic council

BongoJoe
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Re: For Christ's sake NOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...................

I, for one, will not be happy to be paying my council tax to our Intergalactic council overlords

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Why OH WHY did Blighty privatise EVERYTHING?

BongoJoe
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Re: You fucking WHAT…?!

Wasn't that the one which went from the little known town of Gobowen, just outside of Oswestry, known for its excellent orthopaedic hospital?

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BongoJoe
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Re: You fucking WHAT…?!

I've always said: Virgin Trains -- Bring Your Own Wellingtons

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Digital killed the radio star: Norway names FM switchoff date

BongoJoe
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Re: Reception issues???

Not all of Norway is mountainous and riddled with fjords. When I lived in and around Oslo, I would come back to the UK and be glad to see some proper mountains in Snowdonia.

Yes, Bergen is on the edge of a rather large cliff but one would assume that the PTB would shove a transmitter above the city and the same for the major population centres.

Imaging that all of Norway is full of mountains and fjords is like thinking that all of Wales is like The Valleys.

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Britain beats back Argies over Falklands online land grab

BongoJoe
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Re: Outer Manchuria before the Falklands

Spoken like a man who likes polonium in his tea.

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BongoJoe
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Re: Outer Manchuria before the Falklands

My favourite example of this was when Peter The Great had the audacity to built his capital city on foreign soil...

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We forget NOTHING, the Beeb thunders at Europe

BongoJoe
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Right to be forgotten option

I wish I had this on the entirety of my first marriage...

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Courtney Love in the crossfire! Paris turns ugly over Uber

BongoJoe
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What concerns me most is not the French protests but the comments above which clearly show that we've forgotten how to protest in this country.

No use marching on Whiltehall in the weekend when the mandarins are at home or the Cabinet playing croquet at Chequers. Of course protesting during the week, when it would be noticed, isn't allowed so instead the British public are permitted to shout at empty buildings when no-one can hear them.

Good on the French, I say.

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Supermarket tweet: Twitter ankles balloon in product, places shopping frenzy

BongoJoe
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Re: They REALLY said that? With a straight face?

What sort of restaurants do you go to?

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The Martian: Matt Damon sciences the sh*t out of the red planet

BongoJoe
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Re: Movie adaptations

Nothing wrong with 70s music as long as it wasn't disco.

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HP will stomp EMC's disks into the dust, babble storage mystics

BongoJoe
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I am curious as to which course this is. Is it in South Africa?

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Engaged to be worried – Verify borks married tax allowance applications

BongoJoe
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I tried to verify myself the other week. My passport has expired but I still have a driving licence, council tax bills, utility bills and the like.

The first question: Do you have a valid UK passport.

No.

It then tells me that I am restricted to using only one of the verification agencies in their list and would I like to continue? I would and I did.

So I filled in pages of answers and then when I got to the last page where I was asked to fill in my passport details I came to a grinding halt as it seems that I really need to have both a passport and a driving licence.

I wrote to HRMC about this and then, weeks later, I got some bullshit response which made little sense to me at all. Needless to say that they didn't promise to rectify the issue.

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Windows 10 upgrade ADWARE forces its way on to Windows 7 and 8.1

BongoJoe
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Re: @Kubla Cant The original post said he was born in 6 BCE.

the haters are also unwilling to admit they've killed more people than believers have

Perhaps because they haven't.

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BongoJoe
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Re: @BongoJo

The trouble is the old testament was written in Hebrew and the new in Greek. It seems unlikely they would use the same system. (It also sounds suspiciously like you're alluding to Roman numerals where L is 50 not 5000, and I can't see an "L" equivalent in Greek or Hebrew that has the value 5000.) It's possible this mistake happened when it was translated into Latin, but its more likely that what happened was distorted before it was recorded - much as rumours mutate today. The bible is "entertaining" gossip not factual accounts.

You are correct in pulling me up about the abbreviation "L". I apologise for that; it was my memory. The abbreviation was "lp" and thanks for pulling me up on that.

I found the gentleman's website and it is here where he wrote on this and it can be read here:

http://battlefieldreview.com/2ndAi.asp

The part of the page in question is this part (copy and paste coming up: I apologise for this but I think that it makes for interesting reading).

Some commentators have persisted in the ridiculous notion that there were 30,000 Israelites in ambush behind the hill west of Ai where the combat engineers hid, for this is what the Bible account says. However, we need to understand that the King James version of the Bible is the result of translation from Ancient Hebrew into Aramaic into Greek into Latin into English! While the main thrust of the Bible's words are not in question, some of the detail has been muddled. For instance, we know that many of the ancient Egyptian scribes, when copying numbers, for some unknown reason seemed to add an extra zero to the figures being copied.

Worse, the copying in much of the Old Testament was done anciently in a form of shorthand, in which it was the practice to simply drop the vowels from each word. And herein lies a problem: the word for "thousand" was elleph and the word for "warrior" or, in the Bible, a "mighty man" - meaning a regular soldier as opposed to a conscripted levy or a militia man - was alluph, and if the shorthand was employed they both became lp! Which is correct in this case? 30,000 or 30? Let's think about it for a moment - would it be possible to hide thirty thousand men less than five hundred yards (485m) from their target town with wide-awake watchers? No: the noise of their collective wriggling and belching would be heard a mile away! It has to be just thirty. Anyway, how many men do you need to set fire to a small and empty town? Again, thirty seems about right.

On the other hand, when the record says that Joshua sent 5000 to loop around to the right and hide behind his own command position, it only makes sense if, indeed, there were 5,000; what effect would five men have had, charging into the rear of the Ai-ites?

What we are saying is that to understand the records - of any war - it helps to first understand the way the records were made up, the mechanics of the recording. (For the record - pardon the pun! - it is interesting to see that the same numbers problem affects the story of the Israelites under Moses trekking across Sinai after leaving Egypt. In the Biblical book of Numbers the total of the people is given as 603,550 - and that's just the men over twenty years of age, quite apart from their families. At Elim were twelve wells; that's an average of over 50,000 men assigned water from each well. They'd die of thirst just waiting their turn to draw the water! If, however, we apply the elleph/alluph rule the figures change dramatically. This now translates that were 598 regular soldiers and 5550 other men available as instant soldiers when the need arose. Now that number, with their families, would have been able to survive the water queues at Elim. As we said, you need to understand the way the recorders worked. It also helps if you know the type of person who wrote the record; if a copy clerk in a monastery is writing about the technicalities of battle he's likely to get it wrong here and there; we need to read between the lines he ignorantly wrote.)

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BongoJoe
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Re: I'm confused

I think you will now find, if you look at some real academic researchers, that there is now not much doubt that Jesus did, indeed, exist. What there IS plenty of is doubt about his divinity. I.E. he was just a man like you and I.

I am of the opinion that he did exist. But he was a latter-day Che Guevara, Gandhi, Mandela character with bags of charisma who was eventually put to death by the leaders of his own people who refused to got off their own gravy train and join in.

There's one bloke whom I know is a religious scholar and even though he's deeply religious he's also a military man and he told me how a lot of the bible was mistranslated over the years from the shorthand by those later on who didn't understand military matters.

Intreagued, I asked him to continue. He told me that one of the shorthand for numbering had the letter L for thousand. It was also a short hand for well trained militia. Now, if one considers stories in the Old Testament which had, for example, five thousand soldiers sneaking into opposing towns or whatever then it makes more sense if one considers that it was five well trained soldiers.

Then we get to the sermon the mount. Taken literally having fed the five thousand with a few loaves of bread and a couple of fishes is clearly impossible. Okay, it's seen as a miracle in the bible but let's consider that these five thousand were five members of the Roman forces with whom Jesus met and talked with bringing with him five loaves and two fishes and it now makes sense. But where was the miracle here? Well, consider this a meeting such as we had here in the UK to get the Good Friday treatment going in which Mo Molem received lots of accolades for doing "the impossible". In short, a miracle.

And this is what I believed happened.

Of course your view may and most certainly will vary on this one.

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BongoJoe
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Re: I'm confused

This bit of I-70 has signs saying 'Eagles on Road'. Now that would be something worth seeing.

Here in Wales all we're told is that we have Mud on Road.

Not quite the same as those FM Rockers of yours.

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BOFH: Step into my office. Now take a deep breath

BongoJoe
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I remember when...

Seriously I was visiting the computer room (they didn't have IT in those days) at the top of a chemical factory's stack somewhere in Teesside when an alarm went off after a particular vigorous shaking of whatever it was that they they were brewing under my feet when the Halon Dump went off.

It was like trying to breathe a brick wall.

Health and Safety evacuation procedures in those days involved thwacking me around the back of the head to get my attention and then shoving me out of the nearest door roughly.

All in all, an interesting day that.

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Ed Snowden should be pardoned, thunders Amnesty Int'l

BongoJoe
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Re: @Boltar

I can't show evidence that I didn't kidnap Shergar (being only five at the time I have trouble remembering where I was) so where does that put me in your thinking?

And I am having a tough time showing evidence that I wasn't the man on the Grassy Knoll nor that I wasn't Commander Crabb neither.

Yours,

Lord Lucan

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Couple sues estate agent who sold them her mum's snake-infested house

BongoJoe
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Re: Inspections dont work in the UK

There is a house in the next village clearly designed by an architect who has embraced all things uPVC.

Not only the doors and windows made from the dreadful stuff but they've put a porch on the front with hideous uPVC columns supporting the whole ghastly affair.

This being North Wales it gathered the nick-name of "Ty Plastic" (Plastic House) when it was built about twenty years ago and today not only does it have the same nick-name but it's also a point of reference to any traveller in a series of directions.

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BongoJoe
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Re: Inspections dont work in the UK

This is what riles about the UK.

Since when have uPVC door and window frames been superior to oak?

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Chinese bloke escapes execution for Forbidden City nude photo shoot

BongoJoe
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Hats Off

to the model for enduring that suspension business.

I wonder if I can get Mrs Bongo Joe to hang like that from the IKEA light socket on the ceiling?

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Why voice and apps sometimes don't beat an old-fashioned knob

BongoJoe
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Re: It certainly seems to have downsides

The same here when I first moved to Antwerp. I waited for the appointed hour for the police to come by and, more or less on time two of them did.

They sat down, got out a folder from a briefcase and started to ask me questions. It was pleasant enough but it didn't take me long to think that, really, in front of me weren't too policemen but two clerical workers just taking notes. They were clearly in a department which did this day in and day out and all that they did was to turn up at people's apartments and ask them questions.

I then considered the fact that they were armed. I have no idea what they would expect in their day to day duties and what hazards they were likely to face other than the occasional paper cut or a stabbing from a paperclip that warranted them to be tooled up.

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Google puts Android on a diet, names it after the first thing it sees under the sink ... yes, Brillo

BongoJoe
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Buzzword ahoy

What on earth is "end to end functioning"?

Is that like a digestive tract when produces shit that no-one in their right minds would wish to handle?

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Creationist: The Flintstones was an accurate portrayal of Dino-human coexistence

BongoJoe
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If you're talking about string quartets, I'd say definitely *not* greater!

Clearly you haven't been introduced to the numbering system as used by Messrs. Lee, Lifeson & Peart.

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Cheesy video shows ex-Gooners pronouncing 'Huawei'

BongoJoe
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Re: If it was Newcastle

The start-up music would be a Sports Direct advertisement.

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Land Rover's return: Last orders and leather seats for Defender nerds

BongoJoe
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I've had three series II, a 24v series I (immigree from the Libyan Desert) and a modern Freelander.

I was thinking the same as Phil. None of those are Defenders. Four of my five were proper Landies; you could always identify them by the eternal drip on the passenger's left leg and the moss growing within the windows.

I am still baffled by the fact that my current Landie has a stereo. Until this series I didn't realise that they could be made to be quiet enough to warrant one.

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Wheely, wheely mad: Petrolheads fume over buggy Formula One app

BongoJoe
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Re: F1 the dullest sport on TV?

golf is in the number one spot and tied for first place with watching paint dry.

It would be if golf were even a sport.

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BongoJoe
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...or steering wheels on the wrong side.

Anyway, the app isn't frozen. It's just waiting for someone to overtake...

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VR rift OPENS UP: Total Recall Technologies hurls lawsuit at Facebook's Oculus

BongoJoe
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Re: At last! The business use case for VR

y2, Shirley

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Mobiles at school could be MAKING YOUR KID MORE DUMBER

BongoJoe
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Irony Alert

I just hope that the the Irony Alert Flag has been raised due to a purposeful and playful El Reg and not by a subEditor having had a mobile during his English lessons...

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Never trust a developer who says 'I can fix this in a few minutes'

BongoJoe
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Sales

Project Managers were, in my experience, people who were dropped onto you only to give you grief, provide you with charges that made no sense and never spoke to you but only told you things.

You'd get a PM for your 'team', aka yourself, after Sales had sold an application or project to a client which hadn't been designed or written yet. Sales droid would have been in the pub for a lengthy drawn out expenses paid-for marathon with client and have decided on the train home, pissed-up, what was required and when it was to be delivered. If there was an element of consultation then it would have only have been between Sales droid and PM over another lengthy pub session.

Then and only then would I hear about it. Of course a pretty chart from PM being the only form of project requirement and he having a near fatal hangover he wouldn't remember what was required to any useful level. The Sales droid would by now have oozed over to another client and all I was left with was a chart full of milestones and little clue as to what I was supposed to do.

I now work for myself.

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Ex 'Tech City' chief Shields appointed junior Fun minister for internet safety

BongoJoe
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Aside: Which is a question that most Newcastle United fans ask of their managers...

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Lightbulbs of the future will come with wireless extenders and speakers

BongoJoe
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Re: Essence of fail

David. Did you ever work for Alcatel? That's the sort of thinking that was behind all of their home products.

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BongoJoe
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Mushroom

Rattle and Hum

So, if I shove on some Deep Purple at a proper volume then what on earth is going to happen to the light bulb when the late lamented Jon Lord rips into Space Trucking?

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BongoJoe
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Big Brother

"Winston Smith. Please stand where I can see you."

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SHOCK! Robot cars do CRASH. Because other cars have human drivers

BongoJoe
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Re: For Sport.

Ah, the ol' rock n' roll tour bus.

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Pakistan URINE STORM: Google Maps chokes off user editing

BongoJoe
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WTF?

Re: All but given up trying to help

I just looked at OpenStreetMap and I am amused to see that someone has put a mountain in my garden*.

In fact the area where I live appear to be littered with mountains which, thankfully, in the real world aren't there to bother us.

(* perhaps I ought to get an army of cartographical diggers and lorries and move it back to Powys where it belongs)

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BongoJoe
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Re: In this fair-sized town

Modern day commuting just gets tougher and tougher...

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BongoJoe
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Trollface

...which is perhaps the best use for jet-skis...

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BongoJoe
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Re: The new 'improved' Google Maps

a stupid compass icon which no help at all

I do agree. I look at that and wonder each time which end is supposed to point North.

My own Wayfarer compass in my shoes were more useful.

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Chill, luvvies. The ‘unsustainable’ BBC Telly Tax stays – for now

BongoJoe
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Sanitation?

it’s hard for a resident to avoid sanitation or street lighting.

Thankfully we don't have street lighting. I can see street lights a few miles away down the valley and it amuses me to think why the people there are frightened of the stars.

Sanitation. Well, Dŵr Cymru supply the water and the waste goes into the cesspit. Neither of which have little do with the local authority.

And I still don't watch the BBC nor pay the telly tax.

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Small WordPress sites leaking like sieves

BongoJoe
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Re: Get patching. ®

Ah, but it may be one of these Known Unknowns...

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Kiwi company posts job ad for Windows support scammers

BongoJoe
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Ugh

I've worked for "I'm ever so funny" managers before and, as a rule, they weren't.

The advert has served its purpose.

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HP lifts lid on Autonomy lawsuit claims, but Lynch cries BOLLOCKS

BongoJoe
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Megaphone

New Picture Requred

You need a new picture for HP. One with their snazzy green coffin.

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DEFCON 23 to host Internet of Things slaughterfest

BongoJoe
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Fancy Bosch Oven

I have fancy Bosch oven. No idea why but I have.

It's, on the whole, great. It is a little annoying when there's been a powercut as there are five, yes FIVE, different clocks to set on the thing after a power cut and there's no way that it can go into a UPS: not that I would want it to.

Sometimes I try to cook something and I find that ti's giving me an error message so I have to fiddle about with the controls (after looking in the manual) or sometimes going to the consumer unit and turning off the power to it for a while (the swtch to the power is behind the cabinets in accessible until the day we move).

Yes, it's all very intelligent and sometimes for too intelligent for its own good. Why would I want to risk hackers buggering it up? And why would I want an Internet Of Things attachment to it anyway?

Things tend to go in at different times when I cook something so I can't really do it remotely as it's not a crock-pot slow cooker. So having access from somewhere within an hour away would be pointless as (a) anything not too far away would have poor mobile coverage and (b) I'ts not goint to put the garlic mushrooms in at the last minute.

And the last thing I need is some twat in an Wisconsin basement buggering up my Sunday roast because he can.

The ideal way to cook sunday lunch is to sit nearby with a glass/bottle of red, sip gently and read the papers whilst the lamb slowly roasts in the kitchen next door and not driving like a lunatic the A470 looking for a lay-by with a mobile signal so that I can pull in to tell the open turn itself on.

That's what one of the five clocks is for.

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