* Posts by Anomalous Cowturd

926 posts • joined 2 Apr 2010

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Aroused Lycra-clad cyclist prompts Manchester cop dragnet

Anomalous Cowturd
FAIL

@BebopWeBop Re: Camel toe?

You're new here aren't you?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel_toe

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France says 'non' to Wi-Fi and Tor restrictions after terror attack

Anomalous Cowturd
Unhappy

Re: Gravy chip

They'll be fuckin' 'ard put to find a decent curry anywhere in Belfast! Maybe a "Chinese?"

When I was last in Norn Iron in 2000 or 2001, I was reliably informed by an R.U.C. gentleman of my acquaintance that there were only three "Indians" in the whole country. And they were all shit, compared to the ones in the UK, at the time. Plenty of chippies and Chinese take aways.

"Indian cuisine" has improved massively here in S.E. UK in the last 10 years. Let's hope the same is true there.

As for Syrian cuisine? I suggest they bring their own pans. And recipes. And ingredients. And chairs.

Poor bastards.

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Kiwi judge rules Kim Dotcom can be extradited to USA

Anomalous Cowturd
Headmaster

Domum!

Um.

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Smut-seeding Prenda Law ringleader must sell home to pay $2.5m debt

Anomalous Cowturd
FAIL

I wonder how our Mr. Crossley is getting on...

Oh, he's working for some other algae^W law firm in Eastbourne.

Probably amending Wills...

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UK citizens will have to pay government to spy on them

Anomalous Cowturd
Black Helicopters

at an internet governance meeting in Brazil...

Oh, the irony.

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Dad who shot 'snooping vid drone' out of the sky is cleared of charges

Anomalous Cowturd
Stop

@emmanuel goldstein re:not allowed access to firearms in the UK

It's not difficult to get a Firearms Certificate here in the UK, as long as you don't have a conviction of >5 years or for serious crimes, or a documented mental illness. Membership of a shooting club is recommended, as it speeds the process.

Shotgun Certificates are even easier to obtain. Just ask at the Masonic Lodge! ;o)

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UK.gov launches roadmap for Quantum of Something or other

Anomalous Cowturd
WTF?

Quantum engineers?

Does that mean really small ones?

Pygmies?

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Little bang for the Big C? Nitro in the anti-cancer arsenal

Anomalous Cowturd
Mushroom

Re: "The potential impact might be explosive"

Trust me, it won't be.

An 11.2g bottle of Nitrolingual (R) spray, like I have in my hand, contains 200 doses of 400 microgrammes. 200 x 0.0004 = 0.08g of nitro per bottle. About 0.72% by weight.

Barely enough to blow your nose...

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What would you give to create Vulture Sweat?

Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

Re: "Vulture Sweat"... is that anything like "Pokari Sweat"

Let's hope not. That stuff tastes like crap!

I'll try most things twice, just in case, but not that shit.

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Nippy, palaver and cockwomble: Greatest words in English?

Anomalous Cowturd
Happy

Re: Insults

Once worked on a site that had a labourer dubbed "two sticks" short of a bundle.

Lovely bloke, but thick as pig-shit.

I can't even remember his real name, but his nickname always tickled me.

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Anomalous Cowturd
Thumb Up

Flaphammock wins my vote!

Marvellous.

I'm stealing ^W borrowing that one.

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Ring Chime: Needy wireless doorbell or $30 bling t'ing?

Anomalous Cowturd
Flame

Re: Signs can be beneficial...

Yesterday, a braindead courier of the Yodel variety managed to not deliver a package to me, despite a detailed description of how to find me, and two phone numbers to call if they couldn't...

Luckily, the solicitor's office that received it could read, and rang me.

Yodel? Burn them with fire!

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Hillary's sysadmin left VNC, RDP exposed to the internet - report

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

Re: I have a device in the bathroom...

So do I, but mine keeps complaining "one at a time please."

I think there's something wrong with it.

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A thousand mile Atom merci mission: Driving from Monaco to London in an open-topped motor

Anomalous Cowturd
Facepalm

Re: The bloody flies (and other airborne thingies)

Gotta agree with that sentiment.

I copped a big fat Bumble bee in the face back in my motorcycling days. Nearly had me off my bike, and gave me a beautiful "shiner" for a week. Furry little bastard!

Perfect icon for the occasion...

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A krayshee sexy Dutch post-pub nosh neckfiller: Stamppot

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

Re: Main Photo-RORSCHACH Test!

Looks like a butterfly to me.

So do all the others, mind...

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Anomalous Cowturd
Windows

Needs frying to crispy goodness, and a fried egg on top!

And HP sauce...

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Jeremy Corbyn: My part in his glorious socialist triumph

Anomalous Cowturd
Thumb Up

Best Bong hit ever!

Thanks Sir Steve.

I too nearly choked on my Ginster's.

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As McAfee runs for US President – we ask a crucial question: Will Reg readers back him?

Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

Donald has a bald spot? Where?

Oh, I see.

Between his ears...

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Jeremy Corbyn wins Labour leadership election

Anomalous Cowturd
Happy

Re: Whatever happened to UKIP?

They changed their name to Douglas Carswell M.P.

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Manchester fuzz 'truly sorry' for 'accidentally' hacking phone of whistleblower cop's girlf

Anomalous Cowturd
Pint

Re: The # key adjacent to the 1

I sit corrected Sir. Perhaps I should have said "Not on any phone I've ever owned."

Have a beer.

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Anomalous Cowturd
WTF?

The # key adjacent to the 1

Not on any phone I've ever seen...

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The Honor's a defo gamechanger, but good luck buying one

Anomalous Cowturd
Unhappy

Re: They've staked a claim on my money...

This news just in...

Dear Customer,

Thank you for your recent interest, and subsequent order placed with vMall, for the much anticipated Honor 7.

Honor appreciates your custom and is committed to providing you with up to date product delivery information. To avoid you having to contact our customer service team, here is the latest update on your pre-order.

Due to unprecedented interest in the new highly anticipated Honor 7, all pre-ordered devices are expected to be fulfilled between 2-3 weeks. There is no action required from you, our team will keep you updated, and aim to despatch your Honor 7 as soon as stock becomes available.

Thank you for your patience. If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact our customer service team by calling us on our customer service numbers found here.

Sincerely,

Your vMall Team.

support-uk@vmall.eu

But I want it NOW! (Sad face)

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Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

They've staked a claim on my money...

I checked my "online payments" account and it shows a £210 discrepancy between the balance and cash available, although my account status on their website still shows as "not processed".

I'm hoping to hear from them tomorrow as to expected delivery date.

I'll report back here. If I haven't heard anything by the end of the week, I may go for a Wileyfox Storm instead.

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Honor 7 – heir apparent to the mid-range Android crown

Anomalous Cowturd
Thumb Up

Thanks Andrew.

Never thought I'd type that in a post on here. ;o)

I've just put my name down for a "Mystery Grey" one. No mention of expected delivery dates, but with an option to cancel before despatch.

They're still showing a £40 discount until the end of the month, so £210 including delivery.

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French woman gets €800 a month for electromagnetic-field 'disability'

Anomalous Cowturd
Boffin

Re: There's a special place for people like that...

Dynamo hum?

;o)

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Vote now: Who can solve a problem like Ashley Madison?

Anomalous Cowturd
WTF?

JMcA obviously!

Did you really need to ask?

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'Unexpected item in baggage area' assigned to rubbish area

Anomalous Cowturd
Mushroom

Fucking self-scan tills!

My nearby Sainsburys has a habit of closing all the operator tills after about 9PM.

I refuse to use the self-scan ones and always ask for an assistant.

Keeps spotty teens off the streets, and doesn't give me a pocketful of shrapnel. Sainsburys tills do not dispense 50p pieces. I once got 4 x 20p plus 9 x 2p coins as change. That was the last time I used one.

It's the only way to be sure.

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Microsoft will explain only 'significant' Windows 10 updates

Anomalous Cowturd
Thumb Up

Re: Pity there is no prostate exam icon...

I always use this one.

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Blighty a 'smartphone society' amid rise of 4G middle class

Anomalous Cowturd
Facepalm

@ Fungus Bob

Uncanny!

Not just me then?

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Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

Excellent!

I "save" nearly six hours a day of banal crap by neither watching TV, nor tossing it off on FarceTwitlr.

More time for real entertainment.

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Epson: Cheap printers, expensive ink? Let's turn that upside down

Anomalous Cowturd
Thumb Up

Re: Get a used HP LaserJet 4

Yep. I only upgraded my LJ5M last year, after 9 years of sturdy service. It was born in 1996, and had only printed 40k pages when I bought it for £50. 14MB RAM and a PostScript ROM.

It's still working at a friend's house. Brilliant network printer. 600 dpi, 12 ppm. Supposedly good for 30k pages per month. Compatible 9k page cartridges are less than £20.

I only got rid of it because I needed automatic duplex printing.

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Windows 10 Start menu replacements shifting like hot cakes

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

if only it would find my applications when I type , gggrrrrrrr

Do you 'have' any applications called gggrrrrrrr?

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VIAGRA found in Chinese 'Kung Fu rice wine'

Anomalous Cowturd
Pint

I'll have a large one please!

Oh, that was quick.

Thanks.

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Sun? In Blighty? Nah, just build that rooftop data centre, it’ll be fine

Anomalous Cowturd
Pint

Re: Seen this kind of thing

Ooh, ICL. The first machine I inflicted my code on was a 2904.

God, I'm old.

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Petrol cars are dead in the water, says Tesla CTO waving numbers on the back of an envelope

Anomalous Cowturd
IT Angle

Re: John Wayne is no longer avaible" (Gil Scott-Heron)

Unfortunately, neither is Gil Scott-Heron.

R.I.P.

Icon? There used to be a headstone...

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Hurrah! Windfarms produce whopping ONE PER CENT of EU energy

Anomalous Cowturd
Stop

Re: Why's this a story?

Speaking as an ex plumber and pc/network engineer, can I say that combination boilers are more efficient than HW storage systems, unless HW usage and demand is high.

For low usage households, modern condensing combi boilers are the most efficient option, more so if your heating system is correctly sized.

However, central heating is not always the best/cheapest/greenest option. Talk to an expert, not a salesman, and certainly don't ask British Gas for a quote. I have, in my plumbing past, quoted half the BG price, and still made a very handsome profit. Taking the piss is normal practice for those fuckers...

YMMWNV.

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Jeep drivers can be HACKED to DEATH: All you need is the car's IP address

Anomalous Cowturd
Megaphone

why does the radio want to adjust the volume?

So you can still hear it when you leave town and accelerate to out of town speeds, and conversely, so it doesn't blow your ears off when you get to the next slow spot.

My nearly twenty year old car does it, and it's very useful. One less reason to take your eyes off the road.

In the grand scheme of things, not a massive advance, but it's the little things like it that make me appreciate my car's design.

It's a Volvo by the way.

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UK.gov makes total pig's ear of attempt to legalise home CD ripping

Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

Has anybody ever been convicted of format shifting?

Pointless law is pointless.

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Why SpaceX will sort out Sunday's snafu faster than NASA ever could

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

@Blowhard Re: NASA inefficiency:

Aquaducts?

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Zuck can EFF off: Internet.org is SO NOT the INTERNET

Anomalous Cowturd
Happy

Re: What might be a good idea...

Opera Mini?

Still available (I think) as a Java App for feature phones, and on Android and PC (Opera Turbo).

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With WWDC looming, Apple kicks out third iOS 8.4 beta

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

Re:Who's the subject in "idiot tax operation"? Government? Consumers? Companies?

Yes!

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TURKEY-SIZED 'platypus' T. REX found by kid BAFFLES boffins

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

Suarez?

Hope it doesn't bite!

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Go for a spin on Record Store Day: Lifting the lid on vinyl, CD and tape

Anomalous Cowturd
Holmes

@Nigel Whitfield

What is the sound like compared to your LP12?

Shit, I expect...

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To defend offshore finance bods looting developing countries of their tax cash

Anomalous Cowturd
Joke

Re: Help! I can no longer tell the difference!

It's easy to tell the difference.

If it isn't incomprehensible tosh, it's AmfM.

HTH. HAND.

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Volvo V60 Polestar: Speak softly, carry a big stick, dress like a Smurf

Anomalous Cowturd
Coat

Re: Blimey

My old 'M' reg' Wolseley Six...

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WIN a RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium sat comms unit

Anomalous Cowturd
Flame

FART-PANTS

Final Assessment of Radios and Telemetry Prior to Awesome Near Terrestrial Spaceflight.

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Woman caught on CCTV performing drunken BJ blew right to privacy

Anomalous Cowturd
Stop

Re: Good

That was Not the nine o'clock news!

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Opera buys mobe friendly VPN app bods SurfEasy

Anomalous Cowturd
FAIL

@LeeD

True, so true.

Still running Opera 12.16 here, and will be for the foreseeable future.

:o(

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We're not sure what it is, but we like it: Lexus NX300h hybrid SUV

Anomalous Cowturd
Meh

Butt ugly from all sides!

You can buy a Landy Disco for that sort of money.

Volvo XC90 for five grand more.

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Price slashed on Reg-branded Swiss Army Knife

Anomalous Cowturd
FAIL

Re: Errr...

Except when you click on the link, the price has miraculously changed to £15.99 not £14.99, so 20% is right.

:o(

elReg fail.

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