* Posts by BorkedAgain

686 publicly visible posts • joined 2 Mar 2010

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Lumia sales fail to set world alight

BorkedAgain

Believe what you like.

It's 78%.

Jedi light-sabre beats Taser in Oregon parking-lot fracas

BorkedAgain
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Funnily enough, that was my first thought as well...

Force Lightning vs Light Sabre. Now we know.

The Best of El Reg 2011 now on Kindle

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Headmaster

"...nice lighting and furnishings..."

Is that what you youngsters are calling them these days?

Ofcom maps out what 'psychics' are allowed to do on TV

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Happy

Heretic! Grapist!

The only true use of Cognac is to flambee a fruity fool...

BorkedAgain
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Be fair.

According to their forum, at least 25 nutballs^H^H^H^H psychics have had a go. There are some incredible abilities out there. "Subluxation Identification", "Paranormal Urination" and "Breast abnormality detection" being among my favourites...

(Pardon me, madam. No, it's okay, I'm qualified to do this. Hold still, please...)

BorkedAgain
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My favourite place to search is three glasses down a bottle of Laphroaig, but I salute you, sir.

Slainte!

Hasbro sues Asus over Transformer Prime moniker

BorkedAgain
WTF?

Heavens to Betsy, this is getting silly.

I mean, someone actually had to summon up the will to call the lawyers and tell them about this. Obviously, once invoked, the attorneys are going to go at it (that's how they earns they's Benjamins) but even on speed-dial someone had to initiate this action with an actual button-press.

Who-the-fudpuckin-hell actually did this? How did they get (and, more to the point, keep) their job? Is this some kind of care-in-the-community thing or what?

Sorry, I'm despairing about what humanity has become again. Must be Christmas.

Woz's key to success: Burn the tie, wear T-shirts to work

BorkedAgain
Go

I think Sergey and Larry would qualify as being exceptionally good at something; at the very least, they're capable of peeling twenties off their pocket-wad considerably longer than most of us can manage. They can afford to dress like scruffs. My point stands.

BorkedAgain

I think you may have missed our anonymous friend's point.

He's not saying "Woo, I gets teh big bucks!" I think he's pointing out that, whatever you wear within the confines of your own soya-scented solution exploration space, when you venture beyond that into the realms of traditional business (and there's a heck of a lot of that still going on, believe it or not...) it makes sense to adopt appropriate dress and tone. Nothing wrong with that; most people working in real business realise that, and are sufficiently mature to realise it isn't selling out, and it isn't going straight, it's just dressing appropriately.

You don't have to do it, but if you choose not to you'd better be exceptionally good in some other area, or prepared to fail to engage more often than you succeed.

Anyway, I don't see the problem. Everyone looks good in a half-decent suit. These days, you don't have to do up the top button and wear a tie... ;)

Doctor Who girl Amy Pond axed in 'heartbreaking' exit

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"I haven't laughed this much since Adric died"

There, fixed that for you.

(Shame about Pond, though...)

Facebook disses Effin Irishwoman

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Would you like then here or there?

BorkedAgain
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More limericks, please!

Good effort. I think, as well as the Playmobil re-enactments, some weekly doggerel round-ups might be in order...

ICO smacks Welsh council with record £130k fine

BorkedAgain

Where do the fines go?

Just wondering (genuinely interested)) which branch of government stands to benefit from the local taxpayers' loss in this instance...

CamScanner

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Bye Sam.

It's been great. Pop back sometime, let us know how you're doing. Sorry, there wasn't time to have a whip-round or get a card or anything...

Potential ALIEN LIFE habitats FOUND ON MOONS

BorkedAgain
Happy

They did that...

...but there wasn't anything worth reporting on. ;)

BorkedAgain
Alien

This explains In The Night Garden as well.

Think about it. A bunch of extremely odd beings - bouncy gas giants, a neat-freak with affinity for rocks, an intelligent, graceful flower creature, some dissonant flashers with three genders (Un, Ooo and Eee) not to mention the tiny red overlords (welcome!) with their near-identical tiny blue neighbours, and the intelligent transports, all taking place in the night sky? Some classic Sci-fi tropes in there...

What are the Beeb trying to prepare our youngest generation for, I wonder?

Apple Thunderbolt Display 27in monitor

BorkedAgain

"...why are all the ports on the back?... Some on the edge..."

Ports on the edge would spoil the lines. It would look less pretty. Practical, sure, but Tarquin ain't paying a grand for practical. Practical is for plebs.

The TARDIS through the ages

BorkedAgain

The "optional hat stand"...

...is mandatory.

James Bond savages the Kardashians

BorkedAgain
Meh

For those who want to know...

I'm reliably informed (Mrs Bork is interested in this kind of thing, I'm sorry to say) that their father was the lawyer responsible for getting OJ off.

Seems a stretch from that to giving a toss about what they do with their time, but there it is...

The BBC Micro turns 30

BorkedAgain
Unhappy

I remember the playground factions...

...and me standing on the sidelines with a quiet "Yay TRS-80!"

Demon Currys iPad showered kids with HARD-CORE smut

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Indeed.

I was especially pleased that they used the metric fuck-tonne, as opposed to the imperial romp-ton our ancestors used to measure their grot...

(Grot. Exquisite. I'm having that...)

Exoplanet ranking suggests INTERSTELLAR WAR imminent

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Facepalm

I think you're missing the truly terrifying scenario:

What if they arrive demanding MORE?

Groupon BUSTED for bulging breasts bargain boob

BorkedAgain
Happy

BAAPS?

C'mon, that's got to be a joke.

Oh no, it isn't... Priceless...

Erotica 2011 stands firm against rise of the sex machines

BorkedAgain

And there was me assuming that the "other" exhibitors had simply hit upon an ingenious excuse for attending...

"Sorry honey, I can't make your mother's birthday. Work needs me to go to this conference thingie..."

Robot ostrich spy outpaces world’s fastest sprinters

BorkedAgain
WTF?

Downvote? Really?

I'm just trying to work out who I could have offended with that one. I'm guessing either a student with an overdue paper, an arms merchant who's worried his dirty little secret is out or a pixie who wants to discourage the wholesale consumption of his housing stock.

Which was it? Go on, come clean...

BorkedAgain
Facepalm

Someone's been playing Metal Gear...

...while mashed on 'shrooms. Fine if you're a student; worst case scenario your end-of-term paper is late and poorly researched. It won't be the only one. But if you're in charge of military research somewhere...

SQUID calls 'virtual photons' into real existence

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Coat

@Chemist

Don't you mean "It is and it isn't..." ;)

Mine's the one that may be a mac or possibly a sports jacket, depending on the weather observed outside.

Kids demand Apple kit for Chrimble

BorkedAgain

One of the reasons I can't stand commercial Kids' TV...

...is the constant refrain of "Wannat f'Kissmuss" that greets every ad from Barbie to Bakugan. Naturally, it's never quite going to stop, but it's helpful to set expectations good and early. "Ain't gonna happen" is such a useful phrase...

Amazon's new Kindle Fire stripped naked

BorkedAgain
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Down with this sort of thing.

London councils to spunk £25m on SAP deal

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Meh

...including choosing the selection panel who are responsible for overseeing the process of deciding who forms the committee, naturally...

The Adventures of Tintin: the Game

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Headmaster

Anchors aweigh

...I think...

Where are all the decent handheld scribbling tools?

BorkedAgain
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Nostalgia...

I spent a happy summer typing up my A-level Chemistry notes on a TRS-80 Model 100. Far further back than I care to remember. I'm pretty sure it's still somewhere in my parents' attic. Must hoke around for it someday. Gorgeous machine...

Lemmings

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animation

I can't believe nobody's mentioned the animations yet. The way the blockers' hair swung like a tiny shampoo commercial, those beautifully-rendered deathtraps, the splash of a lemming falling too far... and all in a few dozen well- crafted pixels. A masterpiece..

Chell clips Cant to top Play School presenter slot

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A house...

...with a portal...

Martian simnauts emerge from spaceship outside Moscow

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Could we not just cut to the chase...

...and blow the hatches on day 1?

(Coming soon: Celebrity Landfill)

Crime-fighting Seattle superhero unmasked, fired

BorkedAgain
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Well...

It takes a surprising amount of guts to intervene in a fracas that happens to occur nearby (I know, I've done it) but there's a difference between such have-a-go heroics and actually dressing up like Batman's poorer cousin and going out looking for trouble.

I agree that his intentions were good, and it seems wrong to punish someone for sticking up for that in which he believes, but I can't help speculating how long his career would have lasted around throwing-out time in Sunderland or Pompey.

Wish him luck, and premature baldness. ;)

Amazon on Facebook: 'la la la we're not listening'

BorkedAgain

It's another customer service channel...

...and it's one which B2C businesses ignore at their peril. If you can spot a trending issue and provide a good response before it achieves "antennagate" levels of public awareness, then you reap the twin rewards of blocking the detractors before they get started, and providing an answer for future users searching t'internet for a fix for the same issue.

In essence, you need the ability to skim off relevant posts, comments and tweets and feed them into your helpdesk in the same way that your support lines and web pages do. These technologies exist, and they work.

If done properly, it's powerful. If done badly, well, you end up with customers finding themselves in a backwater, ignored and pissed-off because they're not used to looking beyond the first match on Google. If you're lucky, you'll lose a tiny proportion of your client base this way. If the ignored backwater is something the size of Facebook, on the other hand, then you probably need to re-think things...

India uncloaks new thorium nuke plants

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+1

This'd be a good time to get all boring on Facebook and the like, wouldn't it? ;)

Bill Gates strangled Microsoft's 'tablet for creatives'

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Happy

Prior Art

My "Donkey Kong" Game & Watch was also multi-screen; provided the format inspiration for the DS, in fact. And that, according to the moulding stamp on the back, was developed in 1982.

That prior enough for ya? ;)

Darth Vader mounts defence of doomed empire

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I hate to be a pedant, but...

...quite an important point of the plot was that the second death star was, in fact, already functional (if poorly-defended) - hence the whole "It's a trap!" thing.

Your homework is to watch the trilogy again, and pay attention this time.

(Oh dear. I just weighed in to an online argument over Star Wars plots. This is not a good sign...)

BorkedAgain

Samsung gets fast-track appeal on Tab injunction

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100% free?

I guess that'll depend how you unlock it...

Apple gets patent for ‘unlock gesture’

BorkedAgain
Coat

What, boy scouts? Policemen? Nurses?

Sorry, couldn't resist. The one that looks like all the other ones, please...

Telefonica, Verizon ready VMware schizophones

BorkedAgain
Go

What tpm said.

This is an extremely interesting idea; I'd be curious to know how it'll work with the physical SIM being lodged in a particular handset, though. Maybe the service provider will supply five handsets and five SIMs which share their combined talktime / data / messaging allowances dynamically.

Ouch. Head hurts.

Nipples and teen lesbians sexy even when ironic, ASA rules

BorkedAgain
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Personally...

I'm offended by all those ridiculous cosmetic ads. "Inspired by Gene Science" means precisely nothing. They could equally well say "inspired by potato waffles" or "inspired by the thought of gullible idiots giving us silly money for cold cream."

But these are ads that really, actually, do harm impressionable folk who end up believing that a box of hair dye from Asda will give you the results that Cheryl Cole has to rely on four hours with stylists and hair extensions to achieve...

Go figure. Then consider lodging a complaint with the ASA. ;)

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"I would rather they bulldozed Louis Walsh, Simon Cowell and the whole god-awful bunch into a pit and set fire to them..."

There, fixed that for you.

(I might actually watch that...)

Samsung, Google whip out Android 4.0 Nexus

BorkedAgain
Meh

In the sense that Apple don't support them, you're right.

On the other hand, most users on most other platforms seem to find them useful, on the whole. Leaving them out of something like a handset smacks of a plan to charge a tenner a gigabyte for upgrades...

Nice reference model. I'll wait for the production versions, I think. Without butter.

iPad baby baffled by paper magazine

BorkedAgain
Facepalm

Good grief.

You weren't joking.

With any luck, your daughter's basic education will be entrusted to people with a little more perspective and common sense.

(and, although your question was rhetorical, my answer is "five minutes ago" and it's something most people do all the time. Simple reason for this: boot time for a pen / pencil / crayon / burnt stick is zero seconds, they rarely run out of batteries and a reasonable scrawl is still, for most people, the fastest way to transcribe information. Also, doctors notwithstanding, there's rarely a format incompatibility issue...)

Hundreds of Mr A N OTHERs discovered on payrolls

BorkedAgain
Joke

Oh c'mon AC.

Who hasn't done this? It's a rite of passage, isn't it?

I mean, er...

Yes. What he said. Down with this sort of thing. Careful now.

Apple iPhone 4S

BorkedAgain
Joke

Invention

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

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