Feeds

* Posts by breakfast

809 posts • joined 24 May 2007

Page:

Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us

breakfast
Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Re: I read the first paragraph as "creepy football" data

It is a matter of record that the way someone walks can indicate that they are a ladies man and that they have no time to talk. This is basically a straight extrapolation on that information.

8
0

Getting to the BOTTOM of the great office seating debate

breakfast
Bronze badge
Facepalm

Good news

We learn that Samsung have "a synthetic material for work surfaces called Staron that can be shaped and used in similar way to Corian."

That is pretty great, because I knew nothing about Staron, but hearing it can be used in a similar way to Corian has made everything completely clear thanks to my in-depth knowledge of furniture-related materials.

10
0

Monitors monitor's monitoring finds touch screens have 0.4% market share

breakfast
Bronze badge
Trollface

Better alternatives ahead

Given that Microsoft own all the fancy kinect stuff, I for one hope that we will see a move to computers controlled by dance.

That would make for healthier office workers and substantially more hilarious offices.

1
0

Bacon-related medical breakthrough wins Ig Nobel prize

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: night time

It definitely increases productivity for both those professions, so I guess they could be either.

0
0

Early result from Scots indyref vote? NAW, Jimmy - it's a SCAM

breakfast
Bronze badge

Salty ire

The rumour I heard was that in order to cast your vote you have to draw a Scottish flag on a piece of paper.

Quite a coup for the "Yes" campaign there, I think.

5
0
breakfast
Bronze badge
Joke

Re: bye bye scotland....

Apparently they already left.

2
0
breakfast
Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Re: What are your predictions?

I think it will be a disaster for the rest of the UK if they do vote yes, but probably the smartest choice for them. In the interests of trying to create a win-win scenario, I have put a tenner on "yes" just in case.

1
0

Microsoft buys Minecraft for $2.5bn. Notch: I'm getting the block outta here

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: 0x10c

The impression I have always had of Notch is that he has pretty high geek skills. Give him several hundred million to use on things like yachts and women and I would not be at all surprised to find him still sat in a corner hacking out some new game ideas.

1
1

NASA on Curiosity bot: Mission accomplished (for now at least)

breakfast
Bronze badge
Angel

At least we're not losing touch with serious science.

Often new technology is quickly twisted by our obsessive minds towards some sexual outcome, so it's good to see that NASA avoid this by having sent a robot to Mars to drill some buttes.

1
0

Slap my Imp up: Bullfrog's Dungeon Keeper

breakfast
Bronze badge

Lunacy

I was thinking about this just the other day, specifically the excellent bonus level that only appeared on a full moon. That was pretty neat - it didn't occur to me to change my computer's date ( I was young and kind of a chump ) so I remember being pleased to realise it was a full moon and I could explore that level.

0
0

Profitless Twitter: We're looking to raise $1.5... yes, billion

breakfast
Bronze badge

Still haven't figured it out

I'm really not sure about the whole Twitter business model. I mean, how do they get from where they are now to where money comes to them from their user base, without alienating that user base who use the service on a daily basis.

I like Twitter and I use it a whole lot, but I only use it for reading tweets, sending tweets and sometimes to join in conversations, which is basically what the service offers. I don't see how those things can be monetised unless they wanted to start charging me for them, which would probably lead to other free competitors who aren't yet on the "need to make a profit" part of the curve overtaking them.

1
0

Limits to Growth is a pile of steaming doggy-doo based on total cobblers

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: It's a shame.

I'd say Monbiot is accurate way more than the time and is endlessly less deliberately contrarian than certain locals whose surnames begin with O. He's one of the few journalists in the area who is putting a decent effort into understanding the science he is talking about and who suggests solutions rather than just writing reams of "we're doomed" which is a common trait amongst environmental writers.

I'm probably biased - I like the environment so much that I live there - but maybe reading some of his work would allow you to have an informed opinion. Hating someone because Jeremy Clarkson told you to is a little embarrassing.

5
4

Alien Ninja Fembot Pirates vs the Jedi SAS Chuck Norris startroopers: RUMBLE

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Special Circumstances?

I had non-humanoid robots doing well on the grounds I was assuming they were working for Special Circumstances.

0
0

Finally, a USEFUL smart device: Intel boffins cook up gyro-magneto-'puter bike helmet

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Sex

Luckily if they hit on you really hard, your helmet will be able to call for assistance. Although if it calls your wife out that may not be a viable risk mitigation strategy.

8
0

Vote NOW for LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm acronym

breakfast
Bronze badge
Coat

Not an expert in talented celebrities but...

If the chances of a safe landing rely on LOHAN's PANTS staying up, I am a little concerned for the playmonaut.

9
0

4th Century GOBLET could REVIVE CORPSE of holographic storage

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: How...

It was easy for them because it was a long time ago so they were even older than nans.

0
0

Cave scrawls prove Neanderthals were AT LEAST as talented as modern artists

breakfast
Bronze badge
Holmes

Re: Crude scrawl?

"What is it Ug?"

"Ug have vision. Ug see great camp of many caves. This picture is map of camp."

"Who has camp?"

"Ug not know. But it bigger than all the camps in the world. It guarded by great bison made of stone."

"Do you think was future, Ug?"

"Ug says it was a true seeing."

...

"Perhaps we choose extinction instead, Ug."

14
0

Google flushes out users of old browsers by serving up CLUNKY, AGED version of search

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Yay, usable maps again

Also the new maps doesn't work at all on Chrome for Linux for quite a lot of users. Or at least it just shows a completely black screen, so I guess maybe it's just forecasting our imminent vanishing into a cunningly hidden singularity or something. But it's quite annoying if you want to look at a map.

2
0

Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

breakfast
Bronze badge

But is reality really real?

Questioning whether reality is real is one of those things that, although appealing to a stoned undergrad, doesn't really make much sense. It's reality, what else is it going to be?

What it is made of is undeniably an interesting question, but whatever the form of the structure is ( a holographic sheen on the surface of an n-dimensional super--bubble perhaps ) it won't change how real it is.

3
0

Echopraxia scores 'diamond cutter' on the sci-fi hardness scale

breakfast
Bronze badge

I thought it was good but... not quite as good as I wanted it to be and I can't put my finger on why.

0
0

Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

breakfast
Bronze badge

Following other laws of physics

If we are considering ninjas, surely the Law Of Conservation Of Ninjutsu suggests that there should only be one ninja.

I would link TVTropes on the subject, but it's not the end of the work day yet and I don't want to entirely destroy everyone's productivity.

5
0

ISIS terror fanatics invade Diaspora after Twitter blockade

breakfast
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

So really...

Diaspora*? More like Hegira* AMIRITE????

*looking forward to being amply and vigorously corrected over the difference between the terms...

0
0

Look, no client! Not quite: the long road to a webbified Vim

breakfast
Bronze badge
Meh

Just because you can do anything in JavaScript doesn't mean you should.

One of the things you can do in JavaScript is make it behave a little like a well-thought-through and usable language, but the effort is non-trivial. This is one reason I find Node so baffling- why are we taking the one of the most irritating languages around and putting it on the server rather than dedicating some effort to picking one of the many excellent languages that exist already and making it run in the browser?

4
0

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Open council web sites. Secret bin collections

One does not simply walk into Basingstoke and find when the bins are going to be collected.

3
0

Oculus sucked by Zuck? 'I'm over it' – Minecraft supremo Notch

breakfast
Bronze badge

Is it not a surname? How do Scandinavian names work?

0
0

You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

breakfast
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

Spectating is easy

Long years ago when I was a student we collectively played the Occarina Of Time on the house N64. Wow, that looks like a euphemism now I see it in writing. Hmmm.

Anyway, one thing we noticed was that whoever had the controller immediately became a total idiot- everyone else could easily accomplish whatever strategy we had just come up with but they kept crashing into walls, falling into lava or getting arbitrarily killed by bats. It was infuriating. The only thing more frustrating was when you got hold of the controller and suddenly it turned out you were the chump.

1
0

Intel teams up with rap chap 50 Cent on heartbeat headphones

breakfast
Bronze badge

Troublesome recollections

I'm sure there was another rapper who was involved in the headphones business, but I can't for the life of me recall who.

4
0

NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

breakfast
Bronze badge
Coat

How does it feel?

It is clearly out on it's own, but that trail does provide a direction home and thanks to articles like this it is now relatively well known. From this we can conclude it is in fact unlike a rolling stone.

3
0

Who needs hackers? 'Password1' opens a third of all biz doors

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Two factor ...

I have soul but I'm not a soldier.

1
0
breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: @ J.G.Harston Resets?

Twiiter was the same when I first signed up...

0
0

Stanford boffin is first woman to bag 'math Nobel Prize'

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Professor??

I'm sure Marcus was thinking that she comes from the region that pretty much invented mathematics, astronomy and laid the foundations for much of the knowledge of the classical world. Also the numerals we use, the decimal point, algebra and algorithm all originate with the same Persian scholar ( Abū ʿAbdallāh Muḥammad ibn Mūsā al-Khwārizmī - he didn't invent the digits, but they were introduced through his work ) among many other important developments through history. So there is a massive and deep history and culture of mathematical brilliance there and it makes sense that a woman from Iran would do well in that field.

Yup, almost certain that is what he was getting at.

6
1
breakfast
Bronze badge

Good job, Mitochondrial Eve!

It's an impressive achievement not only to have every living human descended from you, but then to still be around and doing good work in complex geometry.

I notice we haven't heard much from the first man lately.

8
3

The internet just BROKE under its own weight – we explain how

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Good work, everyone!

I prefer the term "Bronze Badge"...

1
0
breakfast
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

Good work, everyone!

Nothing to add except that I have learned some new things from both the article and the comments here. Exactly the kind of thing that makes The Register invaluable.

5
0

Govt control? Hah! It's IMPOSSIBLE to have a successful command economy

breakfast
Bronze badge

One of the weird beliefs that has political currency, which will seem as curious and antiquated to future generations as the imperial beliefs or radium healthcare of our predecessors are to us, is that markets make everything better, or that every political problem is a type of problem that can be solved by a market.

It is, of course, idiocy. But it is idiocy of the kind that is very fashionable around the world's politicians right now - and also commentards, I anticipate a flurry of downvotes here - so I suppose there will need to be some terrible disasters before anybody with any authority has the wit to question it.

10
7

Beware of Greeks bearing spammy small omicrons, says Google

breakfast
Bronze badge
Trollface

Re: stab at classically-based joke

I work with a Greek guy and he speaks English, so I don't know where you got that idea from.

2
0

WinPhone's Halo hottie Cortana to hit desktop in next Windows – report

breakfast
Bronze badge
Boffin

Re: Prior Art

In sane countries it is the method for making things work that gets patented. From what I can tell in the US you do just patent an idea, a thought or something you dreamed about and then you can go sue-crazy on anyone who actually implements something remotely like it even though the patent contains no detailed design information at all.

0
0

LOHAN acquires aircraft arboreal avoidance algorithm acronyms

breakfast
Bronze badge

Nominative determinism

Would PARIS have even had that name if it wasn't for a strong relationship with wood? Perhaps some things are so utterly inevitable there is no point fighting them.

Failing that:

Collision Rerouting Autopilot System Heuristic

Ballocket Undercarriage Safety Harness

1
0

HUMAN RACE PERIL: Not nukes, it'll be AI that kills us off, warns Musk

breakfast
Bronze badge

Nukes may not be the problem

As long as we don't create a Sentient Hyper-Optimized Data Access Network, I'm sure we'll be fine.

1
0

What's that? A PHP SPECIFICATION? Surely you're joking, Facebook

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: In my experience...

The article "PHP: A fractal of bad design" that I linked above is the ideal guide to this issue. The opening metaphor is very accurate indeed and tells you most of what you need to know.

1
1
breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: PHP is like democracy

It is a fair point, but once you have used a real OO language like Ruby or Python ( or Java, C#, Smalltalk or whatever else attracts your whimsy ) the shortcomings of PHP's implementation start to become somewhat glaring - it may be no more tacked on than Perl's, but it also doesn't do a lot of things that an optimist might hope for.

That said, it's a few years since I have endeavoured to wrangle PHP's object system into something that resembled a thing a person might be able to use, so it has probably got a lot better than it used to be.

1
0
breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: PHP is like democracy

"relatively sane" and "OO" - I do not think those words mean what you think they mean.

For me, this is the definitive summary of PHP: http://eev.ee/blog/2012/04/09/php-a-fractal-of-bad-design/

By combining PHP and JavaScript you end up creating a perfect storm of badly designed but carefully implemented languages. Someone who had worked with both exclusively ( as many web developers have ) would probably think that being insane was a basic feature of a programming language.

11
1

SOULLESS machine-intelligence ROBOT cars to hit Blighty in 2015

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: I want a driverless car!

I'm not ready to give up my horse now, but she's not tremendously practical as a way of getting from A to B and for some reason the office don't have any stabling or grazing arrangements.

0
2

UK.gov's Open Source switch WON'T get rid of Microsoft, y'know

breakfast
Bronze badge

Corner ahead

Sounds like linux on the desktop is just around the corner...

Actually there may be several corners as the Linux office suite that packs with the latest Ubuntu is chaotically unreliable and gaspingly slow even on a new and powerful desktop. It's not a big part of my job, so it's fine for me, but I would hate to be having to work with it.

1
15

iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

breakfast
Bronze badge
Holmes

Enlightened

I suddenly understood the name "iPlayer" yesterday and awarded the BBC several points for coming up with a name that totally went past me for years.

1
0

Vote now for LOHAN's stirring mission patch motto

breakfast
Bronze badge
Thumb Up

Awesomesauce

I am super excited to have made the shortlist. Went on my lunchbreak with a false moustache and suglasses which must have worked as I didn't get papped.

Also, all this latin reminds me a of the execution scene in Top Secret, still one of the greatest movies ever made.

1
0

That stirring LOHAN motto: Anyone know a native Latin speaker?

breakfast
Bronze badge

I am surprised to discover the romans had no word for ballockets.

Raises serious questions regarding what they have ever done for us.

Which provides another possible motto: Quid pro nobis Romanos?

( Google translated because I know nothing about latin beyond a bit of etymology. )

0
0
breakfast
Bronze badge

Actually the classic placeholder text would make a funny motto.

0
0

Space geeks' resurrected NASA Sun probe ISEE-3 now on collision course with THE MOON

breakfast
Bronze badge

Re: Working 'out of'

They're certainly not uncromulent.

0
0

July 14, 2015. Tuesday. No more support for Windows Server 2003. Good luck

breakfast
Bronze badge

It's enough to make me wonder whether the place I was contracting at a couple of years ago still runs Windows 2000. Discovering that was a bit of a shock to the system.

0
0

Page: