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* Posts by Ginolard

48 posts • joined 22 Feb 2010

Google Glass: Even the people who stand to MAKE MONEY from it hate the techno-specs

Ginolard

Re: I think Google has given up on Glass

I hope they rename themselves Booble in that case

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Facebook's Zuckerberg in EBOLA VIRUS FIGHT: Billionaire battles bug

Ginolard

The disappointment.....

Just reading the headline had me believing he had contracted the virus. Way to crush my dreams El Reg

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Ingredient found in TASTY BEER is GOOD for your BRAIN

Ginolard
Pint

This is not news

Oh come on. This is hardly a revelation. I mean, everyone knows that beer kills brain cells right? It works much like a lion hunting deer. The lion will always go for the weakest, most vulnerable deer which, as a result, makes the deer herd stronger. Culling the weak ones etc etc.

Beer works the same way by killing the weaker brain cells thereby making you smarter!

That's certainly how I feel after a few pints anyway.

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'This BITE MARK is a SMOKING GUN': Boffins probe ancient assault

Ginolard
Joke

Had to be done..

The lesser-known Suarezasaurus?

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What the BLOCK? Microsoft to gobble Minecraft-maker 'for $2bn'

Ginolard
Joke

I'll call you...

Just another Notch in Microsoft's bedpost

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MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS

Ginolard

Whipcrack sound

"But first they need to agree to do what we say and live according to our rules."

Aaaaaand, I'm out.

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Devs: We'll bury Candy Crush King under HEAPS of candy apps

Ginolard

Re: Planning an adventure game

I too am also planning a game. The plot surrounds a group of octogneration fans of Canadian Prog Rock going on holiday and trying to solve a mystery

The Saga Saga Saga

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Boffins devise world's HARDEST tongue-twister

Ginolard

One for the kids

I play a Numberjacks board game with my kids sometimes and they have these pieces called Buddy Blocks.

Some of them are blue.

Blue Buddy Blocks.

I take far too much juvenile pleasure hearing my 4 year old say "Blue Bluddy Blocks!"

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Boffin says astronauts could hitch to Jupiter on passing asteroids

Ginolard

Just Cause?

Why don't they take inspiration from the Just Cause games and hook themselves up to an asteroid and let it pull them to Jupiter?

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Dark HEAVY METAL star fires up jets, vomits hot ROCK into space

Ginolard

Yes I know he's dead

A small heavy metal star vomiting out rock?

Can't help but feel that NASA have missed an opportunity to call it "DIO-1"

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Horny lovers FOSSILISED in steamy RUMPY-PUMPY session 156m yrs ago

Ginolard

Re: Next

I'm 45 years old and still partake. Does that count?

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'I WAS AN ADMIN FOR SILK ROAD': Alleged hit-man target tells all

Ginolard

Inconceivable!

He hired a hitman?!?! Surely it would've been better to use iocaine powder?

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Belgian finds missus was born a MAN after 19 YEARS of marriage

Ginolard
Joke

I apologise in advance

In the words of Bad Company that's "Good Leuven Gone Bad"

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North America makes entry into dino fatty league

Ginolard

A new movie beckons

Giraffatitan vs Megaoctopus!

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San Diego woman strips to bikini to look for her chihuahua

Ginolard

You can pretty much guarantee some guy has already found the dog and is just getting his money's worth before giving it back.

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Swedish college girls now twice as slutty as in 2001

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

If the females are having more sex than the men....

....then surely it means the females are having sex with each other? Woohoo!

Paris because, well, I'm sure she went to university. *cough*

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Bulgarian airbag saves Russian in knife attack

Ginolard
Joke

Where's the IT angle??

Oh wait...I guess you could refer to the knife-wielding husband as a "blade" server

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RUPERT MURDOCH HIT BY PIE

Ginolard
Joke

I guess that was....

...the most humble pie day of his life.

/coat

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GIVING UP BOOZE CAUSES CANCER - shock study

Ginolard
Pint

A glaring eror

I only smoke when I'm a pub, boozing. Hence, if I stopped drinking I would LESS likely to get cancer.

Pfft. These boffins think they've thought of everything!

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Teens who listen to music a lot are at high risk of depression

Ginolard
Unhappy

You know what.....

....is REALLY depressing?

Listening to the music now that you listened to when you were a teenager.

a) It's pisses over the tosh that passes as music today and most of the musicians are dead (or as good as dead)

b) It reminds me that I'm an overweight, 40-something, father-of-three and not a teenager.

Still, new Journey album soon!

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French mayor busts overly busty bust

Ginolard
Joke

Obligatory The Office reference....

French statues should not be punished for having big boobs. If anything they should be rewarded.

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Green Parrot to cure YouTube shakes

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

Not the only reason...

Most of the videos I watch online end up being shaky and blurred.

Paris because she'd know what I'm talking about

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Feds seize 10 domains accused of illegal sports streaming

Ginolard
FAIL

Willy-waving contest. US loses

Do the US not understand the Domain Name System or something? I mean, FFS, RojaDirecta is already up and running again with 3 different domain names! Whilst Homeland Security were showing everyone the size of their balls and slapping pretty notices on homepages, the websites themselves were pissing all over them from a great height with their truncheon-like trouser sausages.

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Man charged in bizarre EXPLODING VIBRATOR plot

Ginolard
Joke

Gotta say it II

Bet that's the last time a girl ever says "Blow me!" to him

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Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography

Ginolard
Joke

Hypocrisy

Pfft. Every week, Alan Sugar toys with loads of cocks on The Apprenctice and no-one bats an eyelid!

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EXPLODING GARBAGE TERROR hits Florida

Ginolard

re: Carried on with his round

Actually, the probably wouldn't have taken it at all because either

a) It was in the wrong coloured bin

b) It hadn't been cleaned before throwing it away (this still beggars belief!)

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Google Earth steps 'seamlessly' into Street View

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

One track mind?

Is it me or does she say Google Earth Sex at around 0:09??

Paris because of something about a 3D bush

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Sex.com sells for $13m

Ginolard
Joke

So seedy.

Is it really so hard to splash on a bit of cologne and go and actually TALK to a domain name? Pay it a few compliments, buy it a drink maybe?

People who pay for sex.com are just sad, seedy losers!

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Custom superchippery pulls 3D from 2D images like humans

Ginolard

Belgium should be the guinea pig

I would heartily welcome computer-controlled cars here. Hell, hook up ZX81 up to each vehicle and it would probably do a better job than the majority of clowns that get behind a wheel in this country.

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Devil manifests in Hungarian bathroom

Ginolard

Bad pun alert

The Devil Rides Grout?

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Salvador Dalí style floppy iPad on the way, seemingly

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

Sexist? Me?

But I've already got a soft and flexible machine for emptying the dishwasher.

Girlfriend 2.0 etc

Paris because she's flexible. Apparently.

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Take-Two Interactive loses fight for Bioshock.com

Ginolard
Joke

They obvviously didn't say...

..."would you kindly give us the domain name rights?"

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Feel.me up for grabs in dot-me domain auction

Ginolard

Truth in advertising

I'm going to register oohoohlookat.me and have it redirect to Twitter

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New drug spray 'makes men as soppy as girls'

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

Is this all it does?

I bet the testees (*snigger*) suffered from some pretty strong side-effects that have been hushed up.

Things like:-

Completely mis-interpreting an innnocent remark and having a hissy fit for the rest of the day

Constantly asking whether the lab coat made them look fat

Mysterisouly all needing the toilet at the same time

Paris because she also likes putting stuff up her nose. Allegedly.

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Blokes spend 11 months in shed

Ginolard

Re Blokes in sheds

"Obviously a survey of blokes with absolutely no lives or ambition at all"

Sooooo.....the average Sun reader then?

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Workers scared to befriend bosses on Facebook

Ginolard

re: How soon... #

I was recently told about a Call Center that would look for candidates' Facebook/Twitter/MySpace accounts and would discount said candidate if they didn't have one!! They believed that it showed the candidate was not "sociable" and, therefore, would not fit into their team.

If I was ever asked, in an interview, why I didn't have an account on a single social-networking site I would ruin my chances of getting the job because of the inevitable bile-filled rant.

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Broadband boss: 'The end of freeloading is nigh'

Ginolard

Can someone explain...

...why it costs more for provider to transmit 1MB of data than it does 1GB? It's data. It's doesn't weigh anything. It doesn't require any sort of "heavy lifting". It's just electro-magnetism (or light, if you are lucky enough to have fibreoptic).

Excuse my ignorance, I'm merely a poor SysAdmin but I've never understood this argument.

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Herd of sheep, off tits on drugs, savagely Tased

Ginolard
Joke

I don't know...

It seems a bit like wooly thinking to me.

Sorry.

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One fifth of humans say aliens walk among us

Ginolard

That explains call centres then

I'm not at all suprised about the high percentage in India. The aliens probably all work in call-centres. Proof-positive then, I think you'll find, that aliens are certainly NOT more technologically advanced than us.

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Apple drops HTML from iPhone and iPad

Ginolard

I guess it's only fair

Microsoft "steal" Apple's GUI ideas so Apple just and go and steal Microsoft's entire way of doing business.

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Sky 3D to go live on 3 April in 'thousands' of pubs

Ginolard
Pint

Fights breaking out

"How long before a fight breaks out because the pub runs out of 3D specs?"

That won't be what causes a fight. No, it'll be caused by some half-cut pillock "dodging" out of the way of one of Emile Heskey's "shots" causing them to stumble into a group of Millwall fans and spilling their pints.

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Expedition to seek out 'alien' ocean-abyss life sets sail

Ginolard
Paris Hilton

*snigger*

"Seagoing British boffins are about to plunge deeply into hot Caribbean bottom vents using a long, cigar-shaped, battery powered device."

41 years old and double-entendres still make me giggle like a schoolgirl.

Paris because, well, need I elaborate?

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Getting drunk the night before has no effect on exam results

Ginolard
Pint

I thought it was common knowledge...

..that beers makes you clevererer? It kills brain cells but it kills the weaker brain cells first (much like a lion hunting antelope).

Ergo, the more beer you drink, the stronger the brain cell "herd" becomes.

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Crooks plant fake payment card terminals at multiple stores

Ginolard

re: Solution

Huh. In my experience it would be more like

1.Walk into bank.

2. Try and find a pen still attached to its chain

3. Try and find a working pen still attached to its chain

4. Fill in withdrawal form without the pen nib tearing the form in two

5. Join interminably long queue

6. Realise you are behind the man from the penny arcade who's cashing in his yearly takings

7. Give up and risk being hacked. It's less hassle.

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Pirate Bay founders get post-Sweden election appeal date

Ginolard
FAIL

Pretty short-sighted

The Pirate Party will surely be all over this?

If they just run on a single-issue of "Vote for us and we'll drop the case against TPB!!" they'll grab the entire youth vote and, possibly, win the election.

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Zeus botnets suffer mighty blow after ISP taken offline

Ginolard

I don't think Westwood Studios will care

"One quarter of C&C channels vanish"

They'll just release another re-hashed version of the same tired, formulaic crap they've been living off for the past decade and the fanbois will create more channels.

Wait. We are talking about the same thing here right?

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FA launches security probe after England team bugged

Ginolard

Who would want to listen to....

...hour after hour of footballers talking? I mute the sound when they're interviewed on Match of the Day for heaven's sake and that's only for a few brief seconds.

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Kipping at your desk is highly productive, say boffins

Ginolard
Pint

Beer is brain food

I agree that beer makes you more productive. However, it also makes you more intelligent by killing the weaker brain cells. We all know that alcohol kills brain cells but much like a lion tracking a herd of wildebeest across the plains it will go for the stragglers, the weak, the ones who can't keep up with the rest. By killing these weaker brain cells first it makes the "herd" stronger, making me more intelligent.

This is plainly evident when I've had several beers in quick succession and become an expert on everything and am compelled to tell everyone so. Loudly.

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