Posts by Mystic Megabyte

I held up two fingers and it told me to feck off!

Amazing!

How they worked out all the complicated manoeuvres to get Rosseta there baffles me. Science at its best.

ore

I once knew a guy who had worked there. He'd sent back to Europe *by post* a huge amount of iron ore. He wanted to make a wall of the quite decorative ore either side of his fireplace. It's hard to estimate how much but his barn was stacked high with the parcels that he'd sent, maybe 200kg! The cost of posting all that stuff must have been enormous.

LOL

While working in Wales* I was told about the holiday influx of clueless boaters who would have to be rescued. The term used for them was "The Birmingham Navy" or "Credit Card Captains".

*It's exactly one Wales size!

Duck!

The question is what dislodged it from the Oort cloud? If were a small wandering black hole then we can expect more comets following at some distance behind it. So sod living in a dome on Mars, I'll take my chances on a planet with an atmosphere.

A sad state of affairs

This set me wondering if POTUS has ever done a days physical work in his life. Has he washed the dishes after a meal? Has he ever put his underwear in a washing machine? I somehow doubt that the lazy fat git has even seen a washing machine, that would be in the scullery with the servants.

In case you think that I've had a cushy life here's a few of the back-breaking jobs that I've done:

Making concrete blocks in a quarry

Loading fish on a fish farm

Milking 300 cows every morning (2 people)

Driving a truck delivering gas bottles (solo)

I could go on but that's enough.

one, two, many

In elReg units how many hookers would it take to excite Trump to 10^18 eV?

Wow!

I can't wait to drive several hundred miles to visit the Microsoft products museum.

I bought a Trump branded MAGA hat and after DNA analysis found it to contain commie bacteria. I'm outraged I tell ya!

Fail

No Adode crap in this establishment so smug icon please.

Whey back in time

I used to frequent a pub where they sold cheese toasties with added celery salt. They were yummy! Apparently you can still buy this stuff but I don't know where.

rtfm

I used to keep unimportant passwords in a file called README.TXT on the assumption that nobody is ever going to read it.

Logo

I wonder how much MBDA paid their artistic designer to choose the matching carpet, chair and ropes?

Also, where is the slot to put your shilling in?

miaow

Is Grab-N-Go a Trump franchise?

Still nope

Two days ago was asked to help someone with a pdf that had been emailed to them from their publisher. They just needed to do some minor edits. They had a brand-new Lenovo laptop running Windows 10. The pdf displayed perfectly in their browser but Microsoft Word could not detect what encoding it had. What looked like a Win 3.1 dialogue box opened, asking whether it was DOS, Albanian or Chinese etc. (none of the options worked, WTF!) Libre Office would open it but the formatting was off and it was almost frozen. (A cunning plan by Microsoft no doubt!)

On my Ubuntu box the pdf opened perfectly in Evince, but still no joy in Libre Office. I used pdffonts to get some info, downloaded and installed the correct font. Now it displayed slightly better in Libre Office so I installed the same font into Win 10. No change, Win 10 is a POS!

My first job!

Change bog-rolls

Change light bulbs

Make flasks of coffee and carry them to studios. Then clean up mess of spilt sugar/milk/cigarette butts etc.

Go to Fortnum and Masons to get client sandwiches.

Walk to Chinatown at 3a.m. to get a dozen takeaways. (very dodgy in those days due to junkies/vagabonds)

Deliver tapes to clients (2" tapes are heavy!)

Set up studio

Break down studio, empty ash-trays.

Occasionally get to press the red button!

Most important lesson learned:

At 6a.m. when you're the last person in the building after having cleaned up everything, always go down the back of the sofa that's in front of the mixing desk.

You never know what you might find in there :)

icon /s

Nope

A friend's Win 10 box can't even stream iPlayer without the video stuttering and crackles on the audio. I came, I saw, I left her to it!

A Type 2 civilization on the Kardashev scale that is super space-baring could live without a biosphere.

Super space-baring aliens in the buff! Three or five breasted?

space, it's not so smooth

So you're halfway to Mars when all your electronics get fried, not good!

Or the onboard AI recommends going EVA to fix the transmitter, bad!

Argh!

I'm getting about eight scam calls a day, just had two in the last 30 minutes. Because of this I don't answer any international calls. Maybe our politicians or GCHQ should do something about it. Like drop malware onto the call centres. I answered one call from "Bob at BT" and after confusing him (ctrl+r doesn't work on Linux) I asked him if he had children. When he said that he was still single I asked in a calm voice if his parents knew that he was a criminal. After a few seconds of silence he hung up.

ebay

If anyone's interested this Lenovo B590 runs Ubuntu perfectly. I can also boot into Windows but it's only used for updating Sat-nav and similar tasks. Picked up cheap in mint condition from ebay. My only gripe is that the audio out socket is on the front right side and gets in the way of my mouse. As for the article, someone at Lenovo must have taken a large bribe to do something that stupid.

bleugh

I presume that this crap only affects Windows machines. Bad reporting!

good old MS

A few days ago I received a local newsletter in pdf format. I could read it (Evince) but wondered what daft font they had used. The pdf crashed Libre Office so I used some pdftools to get some info. It seemed to be created in Microsoft Publisher which I have not seen for years. pdffonts revealed that the 16 page newsletter contained 51 embedded fonts!

Boom-didi-boom

Obligatory Xkcd Peter Sellers and Sophia Loren SFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nTBNHwar5o

Goodbye pork pie

Anyone remember this? A low-key classic...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082464/?ref_=nv_sr_1

All hail the new leader

Good luck to Khosrowshahi but I have no intention of using Uber.

Does not compute!

That explains Trump's tweets, he's a robot powered by a IBM Model 650.

Reg fail

I read somewhere that the Danish police are reviewing a case from 1986. The headless, limbless torso of a Japanese woman was found in the same area. The case was never solved.

I also agree that the "Topless beach" headline is in bad taste.

RAM

A long time ago I was working on a dive boat in the Coral Sea. It was a 60ft. Japanese built boat with a Japanese name and that strange curved prow that they favour. Anyhoo, the skipper was knackered and gave me the wheel, at this time I knew nothing about navigation. Before retiring he pointed out a couple of trawlers on the radar and gave me a course to steer. After a while I was seeing a radar target coming towards us. Using the binoculars all I could see was a tiny black dot. The only thing that I could think of was that it was a submarine. I woke up the skipper and told him of the situation.

Yup, it was the Australian navy, I said that on seeing us we would most likely be torpedoed, being a Jap boat etc. We passed a couple of cables apart, they were in the conning tower wearing duffel coats and drinking cocoa! (OK that bit is not true).

We waved at each other and steamed on.

On a serious note, the tanker that collided with the McCain was probably either "Constrained by draught" or had "Restricted ability to manoeuvre" or both. Just get out of their way!

I can see the rivets

In the UK, non-commercial drone operators can only fly within line of sight at heights of up to 400 feet.

The RAF fly jets over my house lower than that and I'm nowhere near an airport. I think that they use it as a waypoint, luckily I don't (yet) own a drone.

micro.

Trump takes a trip, stares at Sun, brain explodes, Sad! NOT

Whoopie!

Now when I win the lotto I can has diamond encrusted frikkin sharks with lasers