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* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

781 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

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Intelligence blunder: You wanna be Australia's spyboss? No problem, just walk right in

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

Re: What's the point?

How to speak australians. A course for Indian citizens wishing to migrate. Very much NSFW!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHQRZXM-4xI

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Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

Mystic Megabyte
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Windows

Re: Robots hive mind for the win.

>IE alien robots

They won't last long if they're running Windows, even the aliens in Independence Day got a virus and they ran Zghortsnix 9000

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US Copyright Office rules that monkeys CAN'T claim copyright over their selfies

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

Snap judgement

If I set up a camera and a dove flew down, pressing the shutter at the exact moment that Tony Blair was struck by lightning, I would gladly forsake the copyright.

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TRANSMUTATION claims US LENR company

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Whoopie!

Now I can has solar powered jetpack.

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Boffins build CYBORG-MOTHRA but not for evil: For search & rescue

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Disaster in Essex, many dead.

The only person saved was the one wearing a woolly jumper, all the lycra and shell suited people were left to die.

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The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Mystic Megabyte
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Flame

weekend options

How about a BT parody portal?

I might be able to get revenge for all these "A special BT offer just for you" letters that the bastards keep sending me.

BTW. Dear BT, I don't watch sport, I don't have a TV and I do remember Phorm.

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Mystic Megabyte
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Paris Hilton

Dogs

My father taught me to never swerve for dogs because doing so you are likely to kill yourself or someone else in another vehicle.

A tourist here recently swerved for a rabbit and put his whole family in hospital.

P.S. The only dog that I've hit survived the impact.

Paris wouldn't swerve for a dog ----------->

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Google straps on Jetpac: An app to find hipsters, women in foreign cities

Mystic Megabyte
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D'oh!

So I can go to a foreign city, walk into a bar and find all the characters, loonies folk from my local bar are already there.

Maybe I'm missing something :(

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Rupert Murdoch says Google is worse than the NSA

Mystic Megabyte
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Gimp

I've been forgotten

He should hire Max Mosely as his internet spokesman.

Oh wait! No one can find his email address* anymore.

*apart from the NSA obviously :)

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Revealed ... GCHQ's incredible hacking tool to sweep net for vulnerabilities: Nmap

Mystic Megabyte
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Pirate

Re: So GCHQ is breaking the law

>is one to assume that be condonation

It be the nation of condos

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Top money men face up to 2 YEARS in slammer for neglecting to spot crim-cash activity

Mystic Megabyte
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Co-op, I'm looking at you.

I wanted to open a co-op account for my elderly mother but she did not appear on any database as she had been a housewife since her marriage. All the utility bills had been in my father's name. They wanted all sorts of original documents before proceeding. Later I asked for the documents back and was told "We don't know where they are". Most likely they are in a landfill somewhere just waiting for an identity thief to find them.

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Detroit losing MILLIONS because it buys CHEAP BATTERIES – report

Mystic Megabyte
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Boffin

sell by?

Why is it that the big name brands put a "Sell by" date of ten years into the future?

I don't know the internal resistance of these batteries but that does seem a bit optimistic.

Any battery boffins out there?

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Seven Apple Store staff cuffed in alleged $500k stolen iPhone scam bust

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

@Lars G

A pal just bought a second hand iphone for £100, saying lamely "because they were £300 new". It was three years old.

The truth is that the phone is obsolete, a brand new £100 Android does more and has a bigger screen.

I don't care if my Moto G has no re-sale value because was not expensive to start with. I'll just go and spend another £100 in a couple of years time and give the old one away.

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NASA's rock'n'roll shock: ROLLING STONE FOUND ON MARS

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Stone me to my soul...

It's just like a jelly roll....

Or something like that!

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What's the nature of your emergency, Vodafone?

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Don't do it like that @Tiny iota

It was more to do with the owner of the Iphone who is a bit of a knob-head. Plus that fact that he's on Vodaphone.

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Mystic Megabyte
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Trollface

Don't do it like that

Both my local pubs have zero phone signal. I've been winding-up the Voda users by making calls over wifi with O2's TuGo app. I especially like it when someone’s expensive iThing is out-done by my cheapo Moto G.

The TuGo app is buggy but hopefully will improve.

P.S. Yes I know that I'm an ********

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GCHQ recruits spotty teens – for upcoming Hack Idol

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Re: VM

>It is Windows XP,

is it any version of Windows?

FIFY

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Microsoft KILLS Windows 8.1 Update 2 and Patch Tuesday

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Just say no

This company upgraded.....to Ubuntu!

http://www.linuxnewshere.com.au/index.php/linux/bukwang-pharmaceuticals-cut-it-costs-created-business-value-with-ubuntu

I like the last sentence:

As Sang-Hoon Kim, President and CEO of Bukwang Pharmaceutical, explained: “At first, we just wanted to save money. But we never expected the free publicity that would result, nor did we expect to launch a profitable new business. For all our success so far, however, it still feels like we are at the beginning of our open source journey.”

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BAD VIBES: High-speed video camera records your voice from trash

Mystic Megabyte
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Facepalm

High speed insanity

If you were to eavesdrop in my local using the favourite snack (pork scratchings) you'd go mad.

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Windows Registry-infecting malware has no files, survives reboots

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Treacle OS

I never did understand why any Windows program could write a whole load of crap into the registry.

Remember those AOL CDs that came in the post every week? If you were daft enough to install one a search of the registry revealed AOL in a zillion places, even after uninstalling it!

I got annoyed with the inevitable slow-down of my PC and moved to Linux after XP.

As mentioned above, MS's collusion with Hollywood and DRM was their downfall. I want to be the admin of my own machine.

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GCHQ names the Hogwarts for Hackers

Mystic Megabyte
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Black Helicopters

Hogwarts magic spell

Does GCHQ have a motto? If not, then I suggest; Imperium C Imperium V

Somebody can probably better, my brain has only had one cup of tea so far.

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Microsoft: IE11 for Windows Phone 8.1 is TOO GOOD. So we'll cripple it like Safari

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Temporarily allow all this page

MS's own site won't render at all in Firefox 31.0 so I don't see their plan working very well.

https://store.office.live.com/Templates

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Fiat Panda Cross: 'Interesting-looking' Multipla spawn hits UK

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Multipla

That was my first car, it had eight seats FFS. Looked like a slug!

http://www.boldride.com/ride/1962/fiat-multipla

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Mars rover 2020: Oxygen generation and 6 more amazing experiments

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

past life?

It annoys me that they want to look for past life instead of existing organisms. It's a well known fact that all sorts of life forms hide under rocks. Flip over a suitable rock, scoop up some dirt and place it into some water*. gently heat and perhaps add some sugar. Surely something will grow.

OK I only did "O" level physics and biology but I cannot be far wrong.

*In a sealed container to stop it sublimating away.

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CIA super-spy so sorry spies spied on Senate's torture scrutiny PCs

Mystic Megabyte
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Black Helicopters

Re: why are they bothered?

>While I do enjoy the comment (and have used a similar line myself) this really is a bit more serious. It's not >just about spying on Senators but about removing information the Senators are using to investigate CIA >activities. And then lying to them about it.

This post will "self destruct" in 10 seconds!

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Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

Mystic Megabyte
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Facepalm

Black hole

Picture this, a spacious newly built double garage with a superbly smooth screeded floor. There are two steps up into the house and the garage is totally empty. In theory any item dropped would be easily found in seconds. But wait, there is one brick missing where some pipes go under the house.

From the top of the step ladder I watch as the screw I drop hits the bottom step, goes horizontal and vanishes forever through the only possible exit.

I think that light fitting still only has one screw holding it up :(

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Scotland's BIG question: Will independence cost me my broadband?

Mystic Megabyte
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WTF?

You must be joking

"and plans to spend £75m building a new digital-TV multiplex full of Scottish content."

We already get Gaelic TV although no-one here speaks it.

BBC Radio Scotland is full of tossers who blether on about uninteresting crap.

All the TV heads that I know just watch Sky so I can see this to be a total waste of money.

As for the internet, I'm with Scotnet who's service is exemplary although it rides on BT wholesale. No blocked sites so far. Up here in the Northern Isles I get a 8128 kbps connection but the nearest towns over the water are supposed to getting 80 Mbps soon. I doubt that will ever reach here.

If Scotland goes independent then Orkney and Shetland will too. Slap a 200 mile claim to the surrounding sea and all the oil that President For Life Salmond has promised the Scots. Then you may see the Scottish army invading us poor defenceless islanders*. Having said that we could just buy an army with all that oil money :)

*Shortly after the re-naming of the Salmond Airport, Salmond Road Bridge and Salmond University etc.

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HP settles suit with popstar Chubby Checker over todger tester app

Mystic Megabyte
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Windows

Re: Well that explains...

You're a clown!

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iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

My fault

I am entirely to blame for the BBC outage :(

I typed get_iplayer --get everything

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Australia floats website blocks and ISP liability to stop copyright thieves

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Lawyers

I think this has less to do with copyright issues and almost entirely to do with lawyers thinking that they will be made for life. "Hey, we can sue everyone ad infinitum!"

Like the American firm who allegedly put up the content in the first place and then sued the downloaders.

My thoughts on this are NSFW.

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There's NOTHING on TV in Europe – American video DOMINATES

Mystic Megabyte
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Megaphone

Re: My 2p @Mike Smith The answer to your problem?

Watch this, it's long but well worth seeing. Joe Wilson gets very animated when he starts ranting about the Hollywood beancounters. NSFW but contains some gems.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRdRzlVuzn0

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BBC goes offline in MASSIVE COCKUP: Stephen Fry partly muzzled

Mystic Megabyte
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Black Helicopters

Damn those ruskies

With all the flight MH17 news and comment I think that the BBC has pissed off Putin quite a bit recently . Coincidence? I think not.

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Cave pits, ideal for human bases, FOUND ON MOON

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

Learn from the historical documentaries!

"Try to not land in the soup."

and on no account touch that monolith.

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MYSTERIOUS Siberia CRATER: ALIENS or METEOR not involved, officials insist

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

It's the lair of the white worm

Send in the boy scouts!

For the younger readers this film contains one of the funniest sex scenes ever filmed.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095488/?ref_=nv_sr_1

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UK.gov's data grab and stab law IMMINENT as Drip drips through House of Lords

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

See how the useless scumbags voted

http://blog.38degrees.org.uk/2014/07/16/mp-vote-privacy/

That's the last vote you get from me Alistair.

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Gust catches Amazon's skirt, reveals glimpse of 'Netflix for books'

Mystic Megabyte
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Pirate

Re: Libraries Yet more DRM hindrance.

For me to borrow an ebook from my library I would have to install Adode Editions which is not possible as I only run Linux/Android. So TPB has become my library.

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Space geeks' resurrected NASA Sun probe ISEE-3 now on collision course with THE MOON

Mystic Megabyte
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Go

Time delay

In the case of probes that are very distant I have often wondered what these boffins are monitoring on their screens. Bearing in mind a communication delay of many minutes, is it where the probe actually is now or where it was x minutes ago or perhaps where it should be in x minutes? Confused? I am!

Hopefully someone will know the answer.

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Cosmic dust riddle BREAKTHROUGH: Study tackles stuff of the universe

Mystic Megabyte
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Mushroom

yeah but

OK they have worked out where the dust comes from but where does all that fluff originate. <looks under bed> A prize for the first person to mention shockwaves :)

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Telephone calls

"This is The Computer Support department of Microsoft" said an Indian Voice."

That poor guy spent 10 mins. trying to "fix" my Linux laptop before I told him to feck off.

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Facebook 'manipulated' 700k users' feelings in SECRET EXPERIMENT

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Good marketing?

All the people who responded positively to negative stories and vice versa get tagged as potential psychos and then get nothing but gun and knife adverts.

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YOU - NASA. Enough with the ROBOTS, get some PEOPLE to MARS

Mystic Megabyte
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Re: Humans > robots?

@Vlad

Yes but there is useful stuff in the Americas and bugger all on Mars, not even any air.

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US skywatchers get Earth's first peek at new meteor shower

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

Triffids next?

The last time this happened everyone went blind :(

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Vinyl-fetish hipsters might just have a point

Mystic Megabyte
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Megaphone

Otari 1" 8 track

I used to use one of these and for instruments like a saxaphone you can't beat the tape compression,

it never went into distortion.

http://www.the8trackshack.com.au/shack-pics-002.jpg

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Please work for nothing, Mr Dabbs. What can you lose?

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Luvvies, don't you just love 'em

I was recording the soundtrack for a film at cheapo studio rates when I discovered that everybody else were on union rates. I let slip that I was also a union member and they had to pretend that I'd played the harmonica and gave me a bunch of cash. Somewhere out there my name is on the credits as a muso instead of sound engineer.

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BBC hacks – tweet the crap out of the news, cries tech-dazzled Trust

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

All TV is dumb

When repoting a bus crash TV editors seem compelled to show me a stock image of a bus.

I KNOW WHAT A FECKING BUS LOOKS LIKE!

Please credit your audience with some intelligence.

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Minecraft players can now download Denmark – all of it – in 1:1 scale

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Freetown Christiania

Can you still mine for hashish there?

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Vladimir Putin says internet is a 'CIA project'

Mystic Megabyte
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Big Brother

The Real George Orwell

This is worth a listen, some very intelligent views on the subject.

Quite scarily it seems to be happening right now.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01qhb8b

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All men are part of a PURE GENETIC ELITE, says geno-science bloke

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Platypus man

I read that the boffin had also found the same X in Platypus. This showed that it had endured for a looong time.

New movie plot? Man gets bitten by radioactive Platypus, grows poisonous barbs on his heels and starts laying eggs. I want Steven Segal in the lead as only he could express the subtle emotions of the role.

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So long, 'invincible dreamers': Google+ daddy Gundotra resigns

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Google groups

Yesterday I checked to see if there were any GGs in the UK for a popular activity... there were none.

I don't have a Facebook account so I'll have to rely on that old tech. telephone.

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SAVE THE EARTH... give all your iThings back to us, begs Apple

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

iPood

Or you could use an iPood to bury your shiny thing with an acorn and grow an oak tree.

Oh no! You cannot because a device for burying turds infringed on the all encompassing Apple empire and was banned.

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