* Posts by Mystic Megabyte

907 posts • joined 18 Feb 2010

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Ding Dong, ALIENS CALLING

Mystic Megabyte
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Pint

@rvt

Step 1) Project your thoughts to distant star system.

Step 2) Thoughts being massless, you arrive instantly.

Step 3) Converse with the advanced beings who abide there.

Step 4) Be back in time for the pub.

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Smart meters are a ‘costly mistake’ that'll add BILLIONS to bills

Mystic Megabyte
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Flame

Thermostats

From my experience no-one knows how to use thermostats. People use them like a switch, either fully up or fully down. Maybe schools could teach children what thermostats are actually useful for and how to set them efficiently.

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Belgium to the rescue as UK consumers freeze after BST blunder

Mystic Megabyte
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@Mine's a Guiness

Re: BST you might like to listen to this for an explanation. Warning, contains Stephen Fry. May cause allergies.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b05nk5qq

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BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

From a fully paid-up member of the BOFH guild.

A clients high speed line printer* had stopped working. Back at the office I discovered that someone had spilled coffee (or possibly Coke) into it and not told anyone. I took out the motherboard and rinsed it under the tap while getting the crap loose with a paintbrush. When it was dry I found that the sugar in the coffee had eaten through one leg of a little capacitor. One replacement £0.50 cap. later and it was working again. We told the client that it was knackered and would cost a fortune to fix. I did a deal with my boss, he got the high speed printer and I got a little Epson dot matrix that would actually fit in my house. Plus some cash of course!

*It might have been an Oki

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Vodafone: So what exactly is 'ludicrous' about the Frontier report?

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

BT, my least favourite supplier*.

Some years ago BT got umpteen million quid to install broadband in Scotland's rural areas. They fitted the stupidly named "Exchange Activate" equipment which supplied a 512k connection. I kept checking with SamKnows and eventually we got ADSL+. Not only did BT not tell it's customers but also failed to inform my ISP who rent from BT Wholesale. BT were earning more money from the 512k package than what they could charge for the faster connection!

Only after I had informed my ISP did I get a speed increase to 4meg. I also rang my neighbours who were oblivious to the available but hidden improvement.

*Did I mention Phorm?

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Amazon cloud threatens to SMASH the fundamental laws of PHYSICS

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Wonderful for AI trainiing

I store all my doge pictures here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doge

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Fanbois: We paid $2000 for full satisfaction but now we have SPREADING STAINS

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

D'uh!

You can imagine that you can't go wrong cleaning a $2800 computer," said Tálamo

He forgot to switch on the reality distortion field™.

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Facebook unveils P2P moola-to-mates payment feature

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Avoid

Now scammers will be moving to FB en masse. How many users will get the "I've been mugged in <random destination>, send me money" request.

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US military CANCELS US$1.6 BEEELLION VMware deal

Mystic Megabyte
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Megaphone

Re: @AMFM is the light

And hail to the Holy Mouse Click of Trinity. <repeat 3 times>

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Improved Apple Watches won't get more expensive? Hmmm

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Trickle down?

Margaret Thatcher promoted the trickle down theory. What we find today is that the wealth trickles down the top few layers of the pyramid then shoots off sideways to a Swiss bank account. The amount of wealth that reaches the bottom is equivalent to the amount of water that reaches the Dead Sea from the River Jordan

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Yay! Wearables! It's the future! Uh-oh! I'm going to be sick

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Boffin

Regarding lack of brains*

Biofeedback, if you've never tried it, is worth a shot. Many years ago I built an alpha meter and experimented with it for a while. You put two electrodes on your head and an "earth" clip on your ear lobe. The amplifier only outputs sound when your brain is generating alpha waves. So to start with you hear nothing. After relaxing you may start hearing something. Immediately you start to think "I can hear it!", your brain will go into a different mode and the sounds stop. You train yourself to prolong and intensify the periods of the alpha state. After this training it becomes possible to recognize and enter the alpha state without the use of an alpha meter. YMMV

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biofeedback

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroencephalography#Wave_patterns

*Remember this? No you won't, your brain has been sucked out

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079714/?ref_=nv_sr_1

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This ISN'T Net Neutrality. This is Net Google. This is Net Netflix – the FCC's new masters

Mystic Megabyte
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Stop

Re: You are absolute fools!

>>The most corrupt organization on the planet is government

Your wish might soon come true when you find yourself living in a corporate state. As for me, I have no desire to live on planet Coca-Cola.

>>Liberalism is a mental disorder.

I predict that the day you have no money is the day you discover that you have no real friends.

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Nest seeks audio talent to delight … someone

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

I was robbed

Google will be able to tell when you're drunk and playing old sentimental music. Then they will bombard you with adverts in the hope that you'll impulse buy something.

For sale: Unused, The Carpenters greatest hits box set :)

<goes off to delete history in Google dashboard>

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Google gives spit n' polish to world's most expensive Chromebook

Mystic Megabyte
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Meh

Re: use the sd card for the os...

Go and see the Arstechnica review for photos of the keyboard. It's useless, no page up/down, no Function keys. Meh!

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iTunes snafu: DNS fail borked Apple's app & iTunes stores for 10 HOURS

Mystic Megabyte
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Holmes

Re: Won't cost them much...

Nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsQYzpOHpik

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'Roly poly' soft, wobbly robot BANGS EXPLOSIVELY, leaps 0.5m in air

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

Re: Where

>>Gerry Anderson pulled all the videos from Youtube otherwise I would have linked to one.

I hope that I can still surf the net when I'm dead.

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Ad bidding network caught slinging ransomware

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Re: Sort your shit out advertisers

I switched Adbolock off for a while and kept seeing images of some woman with hideous surgically enhanced lips. Also all these "weird tips" click bait shit.

It's switched back on for good now. Sorry ElReg but I would not be buying a sever anyway.

My Firefox is locked down tighter than a very locked down thing :)

For sites that don't play well I'll use Chrome and then delete all history etc.

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Quantum computers have failed. So now for the science

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Pint

s'obvious in'it

For example, the Nobel prizewinning physicist Gerard 't Hooft argues that we may be in a virtual universe,

I'll go for that! If you were to write a program for a simulated universe you'd first create some arrays. An "intelligent" number in one position might be able to detect that he had a neighbour but would never be able to work out why. The array itself would exist in another plane of existence or dimension if you like.

Maybe this explains Dark Matter. I'm off to the pub, Monday is old farts night.

Send my Nobel Prize quickly, I need the cash :)

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'Why Digital?' Seriously? You plainly don't Get It enough. Or at all

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Upvotes/Downvotes

Legislation will force them all to be in binary format.

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UK spaceport, phase two: Now where do we PUT the bleeding thing?

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

And the winner is...

The WW2 RAF base at Twatt!

http://www.panoramio.com/photo/34279925

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Win! El Reg exceedingly fine mug collection

Mystic Megabyte
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Megaphone

FTW

Mc.Vities are a rip-off! Get their exact equivalent from Lidls for a third of the price. The Gingernuts are especially good.

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How many Androids does it take to change a light bulb?

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Clueless

I have been asked to supply a "lighting solution" for someone’s kitchen. I decided to get either wire suspended or track lighting but using LEDs. I have wasted hours on this project, it's as if the suppliers don't want to sell me anything. For example, I asked one supplier if a 240V track* would work using 12V and LEDs. The response was "it is possible to convert 240V to 12V". Well d'uh.

ElReg boffins to the rescue?

*FYI trying to buy a 12V track that is over a metre long is impossible. I need 2 x 3 metres and the cost of the joints exceeds the cost of the tracks.

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Broadband routers: SOHOpeless and vendors don't care

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Advice?

My ISP is a small concern who charge extra to supply a modem/router.

I bought myself a cheap Edimax* modem/router and created a very long password for it.I recently looked into buying something better but the only options are for routers running DD-WRT, Tomato etc. This does not solve the modem problem. If a hacker can change the DNS settings then I'm still screwed.

We are not all networking experts so c'mon ElReg, give us some advice!

*which stupidly comes with ftp and telnet ports open by default. Change the Firewall settings to SPI to close them.

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Lost WHITE CITY of the MONKEY GOD found after 500 years

Mystic Megabyte
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Happy

I've been to the lair of the white worm

Scout's honour!

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Mummy, what's the point of Evgeny Morozov's tedious columns?

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Bad choice

The mistake you made was to read any of the Guardian's non-news articles. I used to subscribe to the paper edition but gave up after a two page spread with pictures* of "health clinic " enema therapy. WTF!

I was also peeved at constantly seeing 16yo girls modelling jeans that cost £400. How the hell is that relevant to my lifestyle? Don't get me started on the stupid columnists.

Now I just browse all the main news outlets and try to sort the wheat from the chaff.

*yes, a great big bowl of poo

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£280k Kickstarter camera trigger campaign crashes and burns

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Linux

Novacut Video Editor.

Maybe you could do a story on Novacut. I "donated" some cash on their Kickstarter appeal but they seem to have vanished. It's a shame because Linux needs an editor like this

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/novacut/novacut-pro-video-editor

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

Mystic Megabyte
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Headmaster

Re: Shock news!

Not according to my dictionary!

defenestrate ~ verb

1. throw through or out of the window

The rebels stormed the palace and defenestrated the President

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3 spectastic Lumias for price of 1 rival flagship: Microsoft sells biz on cheapie experience

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

A lack of morals around here?

There's been a lot of talk on here recently about Sony, Samsung and Lenovo being boycotted. My list* includes Microsoft for all their underhand behaviour over the years.I would rather gnaw off my arm than give MS my money!

I have a Moto G but I will dump as soon as I can get an Ubuntu phone or equivalent.

I'm sick of all these tax avoiding, patent-grabbing and sueball-slinging mega-corps.

*If anyone from BT is reading, you're on it too..

Edit: My landline just went dead, coincidence or what?

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Bradley Horowitz on ailing Google+: Islands in the stream, that is what we are ...

Mystic Megabyte
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FAIL

Profit?

If they offered money then I'd join! Something like $10 a week would pay for a beer or two. Maybe they pitched it wrong but I cannot see the point of G+. Is it like Buzz?.

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Get yourself connected: GrovePi+ Starter Kit

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Happy

Re: When I were a Lad

That brings back memories!

My sister worked for Philips and received a staff discount, so *everything* electrical in our house was made by them.

I had both the Electronic and Mechanical Engineers kits*. I built a light actuated car, amplifiers and all sorts of stuff. I also had Philips first portable cassette recorder, rigged to play stereo.

Let's hope that a new generation of engineers will develop from kits like the GrovePi.

*I just had to Google these.Lo and behold, there's the car that I built! <rings nursing home>

http://www.girdersandgears.com/norelco.html

http://www.radiomuseum.org/r/philips_ee_20_ee20.html

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'Utterly unusable' MS Word dumped by SciFi author Charles Stross

Mystic Megabyte
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Windows

leaky?

Do Word docs still leak data? Last time I looked they contained the directory tree and other information about your PC. This was some years ago so MS might have tidied it up by now.

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Facebook security chap finds 10 Superfish sub-species

Mystic Megabyte
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Gimp

Level the playing field

It should be made illegal for Windows to be pre-installed on any device not made by Microsoft.

By pre-installed I mean already licensed, AKA the Windows tax.

So when booting up your new device you would have the option to pay and use a bloatware free version of Windows or just delete the lot and install Linux.

Ideally, a menu would offer the following options, "Pay £100 and use Windows or pay £0 and use Linux".

Do we have any politicians that care for anything other than their own interests?

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Apple: Fine, we admit it – MacBook Pros suffer wonky GPU crapness

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Linux

Re: Apple takes no responsibility for its crap.

I bought this HP dual-core 15.4" laptop exactly five years ago for £300. It's been used every day since then and apart from cleaning the fan I have had no problems. Lovely matte screen (which is going a bit dim now) and a great keyboard. A brand new screen from ebay is £40.

I'll shortly upgrade to a SSD as the drive now has some bad sectors. Been running Linux from day one with XP in a VM if needed.

You really spent $3000 for a shiny thing?

Apple has always been overpriced and under-powered, I would never buy one.

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HAWKING ALERT: Leave planet Earth, find a new home. Stupid humans

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Pint

It's never going to happen

I'll wager a pint of beer to all the elReg commentards (all 42 of you) that, with the exception of the Moon, a human being never sets foot on another planet.

My reasoning is that we seem to be approaching a level of human greed* that's never been seen before which will destroy us all** fairly shortly. Sorry 'bout that :(

*Note to the mega-rich who think that they will survive this mess: Many Emperors are killed by their own bodyguards.

**Human Psychology 101

When everything was going titsup, my old man would exclaim "Everyman for himself" or "I'm OK Jack, pull the ladder up". He knew what he was talking about, RN stoker 1929-1949 and torpedoed twice. Of course to us as children he was saying it in a comic manner as a rebuff to some minor household calamity but the underlying wisdom still remains.

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Australian ISPs agree to three-strikes-plus-court-order anti-piracy plan

Mystic Megabyte
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Thumb Down

Blimey!

When did Australia become a fascist state? So it's not just the UK whose politicians are a bunch of limp-wristed, greedy arseholes.

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Ads! People! love! ads! in! their! apps! Please! use! ours! cries! Yahoo!

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

Car stereo

<rant>

I recently bought a car with a JVC stereo installed. When I switched it on/off it displays HELLO/SEE YOU.

What fecking idiot thought that I want to have a relationship with my stereo?

I don't talk to my fecking lawnmower or toaster or any other gadget.

</rant>

This same idiocy applies to the knob-heads who dump adverts into my life. I do not want a "personal relationship" with my brand of marmalade, so feck off!

The end result is that the stereo has been replaced, AdBlock+ installed and the marmalade is home-made.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Alert

Laptop manufactures take note!

In the future I want the option to buy laptops that have NO hard drive. I do not want Windows or any other of your crap.

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Did NSA, GCHQ steal the secret key in YOUR phone SIM? It's LIKELY

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Unhappy

Re: Why store Metadata @phil dude

It's not violent gangs you want to worry about. What if this country is invaded by a hostile nation?

Then the controlling powers would make the Gestapo or Stasi look like amateurs.

As we seem to be at war with Russia this scenario is not entirely far-fetched.

I can only hope that GCHQ has a self-destruct capability. A small nuke would be ideal.

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Former Mrs Dotcom hooks up with Xbox 'toyboy'

Mystic Megabyte
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Facepalm

Doubly miffed

Didn't he put all of his assets into his wife's name?

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Lenovo shipped lappies with man-in-the-middle ad/mal/bloatware

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
FAIL

Re: Very effective program

Upvoted. Yesterday I was reading this review of a Lenovo with an interest in buying. Not any more.

http://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2015/02/thinkpad-x1-carbon-review-a-fine-heir-to-the-thinkpad-name/

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BLOOD STAR of the NEANDERTHALS passed close to our Sun

Mystic Megabyte
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Unhappy

Comet botherers, the original version

When the Moon is in the seventh hour

and Jupiter aligns with Mars

then a fecking great binary star system will interfere with all your comets

etc.

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A cookie with a 7,984-year lifespan. Blimey, Roy Batty only got 4!

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

@Andy Non

Mine is too but don't forget the LSO "Super Cookies" thanks to Adode.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/betterprivacy/

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DARPA's 'Cortical Modem' will plug straight into your BRAIN

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Terminator

I want this about as much as a hole in the head

"the visual fidelity of something like an early LED digital clock,"

Will soldiers of the future will briefly see GAME OVER as they die?

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Samsung, LG wash dirty laundry in two separate court cases

Mystic Megabyte
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Joke

Lawyers

What's their spin rate?

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HIGH-RANNOSAURUS WRECKED: Druggie dinos tripped balls on psychedelics – boffins

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Coat

Pterodactyl in the sky with diamonds

Not quite as catchy as the original :(

To deflect pedants, my dog is a carnivore but will eat grass occasionally for medicinal reasons.

mines the one with a Bonio in the pocket ==========>

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HELP! Windows Phone update 8.1 broke my Lumia

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

In my case

“We want to move from people needing Windows to choosing Windows to loving Windows.” ®

They will be waiting a long, long time.

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Hacker kicks one bit XP to 10 Windows scroll goal

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
FAIL

Re: Impossible!

>>The only instance in Google for that quote you used is your post.

Apart from here and in another 108 places

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2014/12/09/year_ends_with_seven_microsoft_patch_tuesday_fixes/

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Update - Boffins: COMETS are like FRIED ICE CREAM. Mmm

Mystic Megabyte
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Alien

No sale

In space no-one can hear your ice-cream van :(

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BBC bins pricey Windows Media, Audio Factory goes live

Mystic Megabyte
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Linux

Re: And what about on-demand?

get_iplayer --pvr also does radio quite nicely. Bona stream?

https://squarepenguin.co.uk/guides/get_iplayer-pvr-guide/

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World's mega-rich tax dodge exposed: Meet the HSBC IT bloke at the heart of damning leak

Mystic Megabyte
Silver badge
Stop

Profit?

So where is the profit on the $120bn? Did HSBC head office see it and think "blimey!, that Swiss branch is doing well", or did it get stashed into yet another Swiss "private" account.

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