Posts by Blofeld's Cat

Hmm ...

_{require_once('sarcasm'); // Just in case}

I can't imagine that anyone in authority would misuse this data. I mean knowing where people were and who they met has no possible other use to anyone.

You might as well suggest that the Parks Department would use anti-terrorist legislation to check on dog-walkers.

I also wonder what will happen when the first person who uses the app gets Covid-19 from a contact, without the app alerting them ?

My guess is "lawyers".

Bite my shiny ...

Did anyone else read Blender as Bender ?

Could have been interesting, and possibly slightly more empathetic towards humans ...

Er ...

Hopefully as one of the consequences of this controversy, some light will now be shone on the internal workings of ICANN.

A multi-megawatt laser would seem appropriate.

WFH ...

A friend of mine has been working from home, and he loves it.

His downstairs neighbours on the other hand will be pleased to see the abattoir re-open.

All the sugar, twice the caffeine ...

"... energy boosting beverages ...

IIRC Most of the projects I worked on in the early '90s were fuelled by pepperoni pizza and Jolt Cola.

Hmm ...

Was it not created on 23rd October 4004 BC at about nine in the morning, along with the rest of the Earth?

Er ...

Is there still also the requirement that these "hearing bundles" be buried in soft peat for three months and then recycled as firelighters?

Don't stand so close to me ...

"... The ‘copter is equipped with cameras, too, so hopefully we’ll get some fabulous footage! ..."

I expect the Space Police will also use it to check that the Martians are social-distancing correctly.

My coat? It's the one with the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator in a pocket.

Er ...

"... Bose said that downgrading firmware can "create unexpected behavior in a product and negatively impact or reduce functionality" ..."

I would have thought that, unless the update blew firmware fuses or the like, restoring a product's original firmware would return the product to what the customer originally bought.

The concept that returning the original firmware would reduce the original functionality is puzzling to say the least.

Ah ...

When I was a kid it was generally believed that by the year 2000, going into space would be routine. The comics I read (Eagle, Look and Learn, etc.) regularly featured cut-away drawings of atomic rocket-ships, space-stations and "Moon Hotels".

I can't help feeling something went wrong somewhere ...

Hmm ...

'... the candidate for CDIO had been chosen but they backed out when they found they had "no budget or clear ownership" ...'

Did they not realise it was a UK Civil Service role?

Er ...

I suspect that a lot of drones would set off on their deliveries and either fail to arrive or arrive minus their payload.

My coat? It's the one draped over the throwing net and 128 rolls of toilet paper.

OK ...

"... 139 minor planets lurking at the edge of the Solar System ..."

It seems that mice are also susceptible to panic buying. I wonder if Magrathea gives refunds?

"That doesn't make sense" ...

Surely somebody in the Post Office should have realised that the allegations just didn't make sense. You may get one or two "bad apples", but 550+?

Perhaps the corporate line of "they're all thieves" was easier to believe, (and far less career-limiting), than their own fallibility.

A few years ago, somebody on the accounting side of a courier company decided to try and establish how fuel-efficient their vehicle fleet was.

The records from the company's fuel pumps were matched against vehicle mileage and when the results were examined it turned out that several vehicles from one depot had significantly poorer fuel efficiency.

Somebody high up in the company decided that the only possible explanation was that the depot's drivers were syphoning fuel from the company vehicles for their own use. A list of the people responsible was compiled and legal proceedings prepared, but when the Depot Manager* was notified she refused to believe the allegations and insisted on having the fuel pumps tested.

One pump was found to be dispensing only about 70% of the recorded fuel. The legal action stopped instantly and the allegations vanished without trace.

As she put it; "I could believe that one or two drivers were on the fiddle, but two dozen? That just didn't make sense."

* A cousin of mine.

Er ...

"Hughes had received a substantial chunk of funding from Flat Earthers, who believe the Earth is a flat disk rather than spherical."

Allegedly as the rocket took off, a voice could be heard saying:

"IT'S A BIT CRAMPED IN HERE".

Er ...

“During routine administrative maintenance of our Key Management Facility on 11 February, we identified an equipment malfunction,”

Translation: The Post-It note on the bottom of a desk drawer came off and disappeared into the nozzle of a vacuum cleaner before anyone noticed.

"We understand, however, that following an emergency meeting on Wednesday, the issue should be fixed by Friday, and the ceremony has now been moved to Saturday."

Translation: There are only two dozen more bin bags and the compactor to search.

Mass exodus ...

A fellow resident took exception to the repairs and improvements our landlord was making. He ranted, raved, and predicted a "mass exodus" from the complex.

There was a "mass exodus" of one man (and his dog).

Er ...

... Beck described the aerodynamic forces involved as akin to "perching three elephants atop the Electron stack" ...

Would those be African or Indian elephants? Either way I would like to see this claim tested:

"OK, are we all ready? ... Right - Dumbo you're first".

"Good boy, steady now ... You're next Nellie"

[Creak] "Er ... slowly does it, girl ... OK - and finally Jumbo"

[Creak] "Gently now"

[CREAK] "Looks like it's working"

[CRACK] "Oops" [Trumpeting] ... [THUD] [THUD] [THUD]

"[sigh] You'd better call the vet again, Ethel."

" ... and tell Beck we need more struts."

Ah yes ...

I was once presented with a Dell PC that wouldn't boot and had a strange sweet, oily smell.

It turned out that "a friend" had told the owner that it wouldn't boot because the hard disk was sticking.

The owner had therefore sprayed WD-40 into every opening in the machine's case to "free it up".

The PC actually survived this treatment and a small amount of ... er ... gentle tapping on the hard drive, restored it long enough to extract the data.