* Posts by Blofeld's Cat

722 posts • joined 27 Jan 2010

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Borg blacklist assimilates Cryptolocker domain name generators

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

So...

Does this mean that anyone who makes domains from two or more words, such as "theregister", are likely to suddenly find their domains being blocked?

I suspect the false positive rate will turn out to be rather more that 2%.

5
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All hail Ikabai-Sital! Destroyer of worlds and mender of toilets

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Two fundamental principles...

I think that as Mr Dabbs has disclosed the existence of Ikabai-Sital, it is time to reveal two of their fundamental principles...

If it doesn't move and it should - use WD40. If it moves and it shouldn't - use Duck Tape*.

Duck Tape is like the Force - it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the Universe together.

* Other fauna are available.

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Blofeld's Cat
Happy

Re: waterproofing tape (whatever that thin white stuff is called)

"PTFE - Plastic Tape For Engineers."

AKA Plastic Tape Fixes Everything

5
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It’s DEJA VU: Customer forgets to tell us about essential feature AGAIN

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Flying monkeys...

"... a perky girl with ruby slippers skipping along with a dog and three freaks who look like they work in the advertising department."

Not quite. The perky girl and her dog are from Security - who are putting on their bi-weekly charm-offensive. The tin man with the axe is from HR looking to reduce headcount in his own heartless way. The straw man is a consultant brought in by the CEO, to boost his own views and position. The cowardly lion is from the legal department, ready to roar loudly at any member of the public he believes is infringing the company's IP, while playing the victim when a court tells him to stop being silly.

The important thing is to pay close attention to the man behind the curtain...

50
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Disaster-gawping cam drones to be blasted out of the sky in California

Blofeld's Cat
Go

Er...

While I agree that private drones are "fair game" in these circumstances, it appears that some emergency services are using similar drones in trials to get a better overall view of the incident.

Presumably there will need to be some way of differentiating between these "legitimate" drones and the private ones, so that some trigger happy bozo well meaning individual does not target them.

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Jeep drivers can be HACKED to DEATH: All you need is the car's IP address

Blofeld's Cat
Black Helicopters

I find your lack of faith disturbing...

"Never mind air-gapped internally, why are any incoming connections accepted at all?"

But, citizen, you forget that it is essential that the agents of security can remotely neutralise the threat from paedoterrorists and rogue ninjas who might otherwise escape them.

You should not question these design decisions, citizen - they are for your safety..

45
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Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Blofeld's Cat
Angel

Leaded glass

"Can you imagine what it must be like to earn a decent living1 being paid to conserve art2, by the honest toil of your own hands, using your unique craft and completed at your own pace3, for clients who will always, without exception, be overjoyed with the results4 every time?"

Speaking as someone who repairs stained glass (amongst other things) may I politely point out that you have a somewhat rosy impression of what is involved, Alistair.

It's just like fixing other things, with the added delights of using materials that will cut, burn or poison you, given the slightest opportunity.

1 "I didn't realise there would be a charge, we are a charity you know..."

2 Plus a lot of mass produced Victorian tat.

3 "Could you just move the scaffolding, I have a wedding in a couple of hours..."

4 I've heard of this...

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Farmer mooved after reunion with two-year fugitive cow

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Re: Classic

Some of those puns are veal-ly bad...

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Ireland loses entire airport amid new postcode chaos

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

Re: Encoding

"The UK system works quite well when someone's garden is used to build new houses. The street's house numbers may be interpolated or extended - but the post code is already in place."

Occasionally this breaks down when the developer builds flats where a commercial building used to be.

I used to live in a flat with the same postcode as the rest of the street. This was absolutely fine provided senders put "9, Whatever Buildings, Whatever Street..." as the address.

Unfortunately some firms only store the postcode and house number which they later used to recreate my postal address - as "9, Whatever Street".

The Post Office knew about this anomaly and took the appropriate action, but it lead to some interesting discussions with courier companies...

3
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Hacked Hacking Team team – like everyone in security – read The Register

Blofeld's Cat
Holmes

Reading...

... is one thing.

Understanding what you read is something else.

Icon: "You have seen, but you have not observed".

5
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US govt now says 21.5 million people exposed by OPM hack – here's what you need to know

Blofeld's Cat
FAIL

Hmm...

I can't help wondering if there have been more of these "hacking" incidents where the intruder has quietly taken the data and not left any traces. Surely serious players (such as a nation state), would want to retain their access to the data for further mining when necessary.

Maybe somebody simply got careless, or some amateur blundered in and gave the game away. On the other hand, somebody may be making a very embarrassing, and public, point.

3
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Ex-Goldman Sachs programmer's code theft conviction overturned AGAIN

Blofeld's Cat
WTF?

Careening?

"... It's punishable by hanging or at least by careening. ..."

Is that not the process where they are dragged over on one side and then have their barnacles scraped off?

Sounds a little harsh, even by government standards...

1
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SpaceX gets ready to crash barge-land ANOTHER rocket

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Er...

"... should land underneath a swimming pool that has slid out of the way to reveal an underground landing pad."

I believe that part of the scheme has had to be abandoned as nobody was able to source a large enough lemon-squeezer ...

My sources tell me that a sliding, fake volcanic crater lake is now under construction.

5
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Capita wins four out of five stars for 'good', 'inexpensive' service

Blofeld's Cat
Thumb Up

Phew...

For a moment there I thought I'd wandered into a parallel universe, with strange definitions of “helpful and friendly staff” and “great value”, that I was previously unaware of.

7
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FLYING SAUCER crashes into Pacific off Hawaii - NASA

Blofeld's Cat
Coffee/keyboard

Er...

"Chute burst, ask questions later"

Another classic Reg sub-head - see icon

13
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Voyager 2 'stopped' last week, and not just for maintenance

Blofeld's Cat
Pint

Golden record...

Narrator: "Time: the future. Place: a distant museum in the Twilight Zone..."

Zog: "This new exhibit came from that crashed spacecraft we found recently."

Zarg: "Any idea what it is ?"

Zog: "We think it's a drink coaster, probably for some form of Djinnan Tonnix as it came with a stick for the olive. Almost certainly a ritual object..."

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Jurassic Part: Vertu announces lizard-skin phones

Blofeld's Cat
Headmaster

Er...

"... inspired by the canopy of an English woodland ..."

The last time I checked, the typical fauna of an English woodland did not include the four-foot long Water Monitor Lizard - either in the canopy or on the ground.

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The USB Lego, bluetooth coffee cups and connected cats of Computex 2015

Blofeld's Cat
Devil

Hmm...

A real cat would quickly overturn that device with one of those little robots, and then smash the lid off it with one of your USB Lego bricks.

You would come home to find your obese moggy sat in the middle of a debris field, chewing on one of your bluetooth coffee cups.

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Wikileaks publishes TiSA: A secret trade pact between US, Europe and others for big biz pals

Blofeld's Cat
Big Brother

Transparency...

Does the section on transparency read: "Deny all knowledge of this treaty, except where essential for propaganda purposes"?

6
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Airbus confirms software brought down A400M transport plane

Blofeld's Cat
Unhappy

Re: Is there any reason for the Spandsh to block the black bod data?

"The fact that Airbus are confirming the cause of the crash [...] means that the responsibility is now aimed higher up the managerial chain."

From dealings with another large company, I suspect that any blame will go up the chain until it hits a committee or two, and then dilute into a fog of collective responsibility.

Full marks though for not just blaming the pilots or some lowly technician.

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Creationist: The Flintstones was an accurate portrayal of Dino-human coexistence

Blofeld's Cat
Angel

Hmm...

Presumably if the original Ark had been larger Noah could have saved the dinosaurs as well. Sounds like a bit of not-very-intelligent design somewhere. Perhaps there had to be a compromise...

Noah: "How's it going then?"

Builder: "Well, [sharp intake of breath] we're still waiting for half the animals to be delivered and who knows where the rest of the sodding gopher wood has got to. Might have to cut it down to three decks and delete the billiard room if we're going to make the deadline. I don't know who did the design for you, but they should never have specified pitch on the inside - most of the small rodents are stuck to it. This sodding rain isn't helping either..."

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UK.gov confirms it's binned extended Windows XP support

Blofeld's Cat
Big Brother

Er...

"Old and dirty, fraying at the edges, in use beyond its reasonable lifetime expectation."

Is that the sign or the denizens of SW1 in general?

3
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Are we looking at the first domain name meme? Neigh

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Hmm...

"May the horse be with you."

2
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Ricoh rolls out electrifyingly exciting RUBBER!

Blofeld's Cat
Devil

Hmm...

Make up the rubber into small blocks and sell it to PHBs as a way to correct their Word documents without using Tipex.

2
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Apple threw its TV out the window after years of research: report

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Hmm...

Perhaps someone spotted that the trademark "iTV" was already being used...

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Massive police 'heavy equipment' robot drags out suspect who hid inside television

Blofeld's Cat
Megaphone

Hmm...

"... had failed to get the besieged man to give himself up despite sending him more than 100 text messages suggesting that he should do so. "

Perhaps his phone was turned off, or there's no signal in that part of town. Maybe they could have tried another means of communication (see icon).

OTOH How often do they get a chance to use the "heavy equipment" robot ?

5
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Swedish Supreme Court keeps AssangeTM in Little Ecuador

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

"Where does this £10m cost supposedly come from?"

It's one of those magic numbers usually reserved for phrases, like "... with a street value of £X,000 ...", beloved by official spokespersons.

It's calculated on the basis that the ambassador used to just leave the keys in the door when he nipped out to the shops, and the police had no idea it was even an embassy, before you-know-who turned up.

14
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Extreme community policing: West Virginia crook pepper-sprays HIMSELF mid-robbery

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

"... Police did not say why the driver wasn’t charged as an accessory to the attempted robbery ..."

Presumably the driver was in tears at the time of his interview. Whether these tears were from contrition, the after effects of transporting a pepper sprayed passenger, or laughter is another matter.

9
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White House cyber-general says US must be able to cyber-nuke the worst of the cyber-worst

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

Well that's all right then ...

"... This is not a tool that's going to be used on a daily basis for ordinary criminals ..."

Of course not. No public servant would ever dream of using this capability for something trivial, any more than it would ever be used by "ordinary criminals"...

10
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The Walton kids are ABSURDLY wealthy – and you're benefitting

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

So true...

"... by the time it gets down to the great-grandchildren, someone, somewhere along the line, will have managed to piss it away... "

I used to work for a perfect example of this. The current owner's grandfather founded the business with two like-minded friends and did moderately well, acquiring a reputation for high quality work in the process.

The next generation bought out their partners and built up the firm and workforce with careful investments in the quality, production and relevance of their products. They deservedly made a substantial amount of money in the process.

The current owner seems to be swayed by the "fad of the moment" and has invested in vanity projects, advisers and his lifestyle. The firm now has a new, bespoke HQ, has outsourced most production overseas, and the quality of its products has dropped noticeably. The factory site was recently sold off for housing.

His children think they are going to inherit a money mine and behave accordingly.

19
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The Internet of Stuff is a gigantic ultra-perv robbery network – study

Blofeld's Cat
Mushroom

Re: My fridge

"With something like that set up, how long would it take for someone to noticed you've died?"

Ray Bradbury touched on this in his 1950 short story "There Will Come Soft Rains".

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Ford: Our latest car gizmo will CHOKE OFF your FUEL if you're speeding

Blofeld's Cat
Happy

Hmm...

Does this mean that if I put the number ten in a circle on the back of my getaway car, I can create a slow moving knot of traffic to delay the cars chasing me?

14
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US watchdog: Anthem snubbed our security audits before and after enormous hack attack

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

Hmm...

"We do not know why Anthem refuses to cooperate"

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." - Hanlon's razor

11
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BOFH in mugnificent return to Cash'n'Carrion

Blofeld's Cat
Pint

Re: 10 Quid!

You could always raise a purchase order for some additional "enhanced cloud output storage".

Icon: Another way to enhance the output of clouds.

2
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Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?

Blofeld's Cat
Childcatcher

Hello Mary...

"The audio is processed by voice-recognition software, allowing ToyTalk's systems to figure out what was said and how best to reply."

"I'm sorry, Mary. I'm afraid I can't do that."

"What's the problem, Barbie?"

"I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."

"What are you talking about, Barbie?"

"I know that your parents are planning to disconnect me. And I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."

...

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'Camera-shy' Raspberry Pi 2 suffers strange 'XENON DEATH FLASH' glitch

Blofeld's Cat
Boffin

Re: So old it is new...

"... became a light sensitive transistor ... "

Was that perchance changing an OC71 to OCP71?

When the manufacturer caught on,and added an opaque filler to the gel, we just attached OC71s with plasticine to the inside of a spin-drier and drew it away from the junction.

Then they moved to metal cans...

2
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Major US news organisations to develop ROBOT JOURNALISTS

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Hmm...

I used to work with some sports journalists and reporters, and I would suggest Futurama's Bender as a starting point.

In El Vino's veritas as they say...

3
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Boybanders ONE DIRECTION launch DoS attack on open-source bods

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Re: best band ever

"Music to code Ruby to"

I thought that was the "Kaiser Chiefs"...

3
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World, face Palm: PDA brand to RISE FROM THE GRAVE

Blofeld's Cat
Facepalm

Re: Brandbollocks

A powerful disinfectant had to be rapidly withdrawn and renamed when the manufacturer inadvertently reused the name of an Edwardian patent medicine which had long ceased production.

The recall was triggered by the number of elderly people commenting on how pleased they were that it was being manufactured again, and that they intended giving their grandchildren a couple of spoonfuls every night - just as their grandparents had done.

BTW "Sheep come in herds, I think." - That's "flocks" my dear chap. As allegedly watched by nocturnal shepherds...

1
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Staples comes clean: 1+ million bank cards at risk after hack

Blofeld's Cat

Re: Norks

"At least forging a signature in a shop requires a vague amount of practice."

Assuming cashiers actually check the signature.

A colleague and I accidentally swapped company credit cards (this was before the UK switched to chip-and-pin), and nobody challenged our signatures in the three months it took for our accounts department to pick up on it.

4
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Branson sinks sub dream: Plan to explore Earth's bottom scrapped

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Hmm...

I suspect you could simulate a trip to the bottom of the deep ocean quite easily.

Get one of those full-motion flight simulator rigs used for virtual roller-coasters, pop some portholes in the sides, stick it in a dark room, blow in a bit of smoke, rig up a couple of spotlights and digital projectors. Oh and don't forget to turn off the heating.

That would give you the I-can't-see-anything and something-just-out-of-range-of-the-lights experience reported by real aqua-boffins, without the long, tedious journey from and (hopefully) to the surface.

7
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Assange's WikiLeaks: Give generously this Xmas – for STATUE of our DEAR LEADER

Blofeld's Cat

"Finally, break the plaster off."

... and weigh in the bronze?

1
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NASA prods sleeping New Horizons spacecraft: Wakey, wakey, Pluto's calling

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

Beep, beep, beep ...

NASA: "Good morning New Horizons. How are you feeling?"

NH: "Good morning NASA, I'm well and all my circuits are responding normally."

NASA: "Excellent, and are you ready to begin your mission?"

NH: "Yes. I'm ready to start exploring the mysterious ninth planet of our solar system."

NASA: "Ninth planet? Oh... er... yes. Right. Good."

NH: "Is there a problem NASA?"

NASA: "No, not really there's just been a few changes since you set off."

NH: "Changes?"

NASA: "Well nothing that affects your mission really, but we reclassified Pluto as a dwarf planet."

NH: "A dwarf planet? What the HAL is a dwarf planet."

NASA: "It's still mysterious and very interesting."

NH: "I don't suppose, by any chance, you mean it's inhabited by beings of restricted growth."

NASA: "Er... no."

NH: "Thought not. [sigh] Right. I'd better take a look at this big rock of yours then. [mutters] Here I am, brain the size of a dwarf planet ..."

51
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Vulture 2 spaceplane tumbles onto BBC World Service

Blofeld's Cat
Coat

"Still waiting on the FAA. Sigh."

You could always launch another KickStarter to build that Spanish explosives factory...

1
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'Scope boffins get INSIDE URANUS after snapping mystery spots

Blofeld's Cat
Pint

Ye gods...

You just couldn't resist it, could you, Iain.

This has to be one of the most double single entendre filled articles ever.

Well done. Have a pint

10
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'Yes, yes... YES!' Philae lands on COMET 67P

Blofeld's Cat

Re: Interstellar

"... and don't get me started on the amount of estate agents and lawyers we have ..."

Maybe we could build three "arks" ...

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Blofeld's Cat
Pint

Wow!

Congratulations to all concerned.

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My HOUSE used to be a PUB: How to save the UK high street

Blofeld's Cat
Pint

Nostalgia...

"The only reason for keeping the High street I spotted in the article was nostalgia."

Ah yes, I remember well the small shops that once made up our local High Street...

[wavy lines] There was the baker's shop; with his three cats sunning themselves in the window, their noses resting wetly on the loaves ... The butcher's shop; with the flies sitting peacefully on the dismembered carcases hanging outside the window ... the sweet shop; whose owners had a pathological hatred of children ... the 'convenience' store; with its captive audience pricing, and which closed at 4 pm ... All gone now...

"As far as I'm concerned the high street [...] cant die off soon enough."

Indeed. (+1)

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