677 posts • joined 27 Jan 2010
You just couldn't resist it, could you, Iain.
This has to be one of the most
double single entendre filled articles ever.
Well done. Have a pint
"... and don't get me started on the amount of estate agents and lawyers we have ..."
Maybe we could build three "arks" ...
Congratulations to all concerned.
"The only reason for keeping the High street I spotted in the article was nostalgia."
Ah yes, I remember well the small shops that once made up our local High Street...
[wavy lines] There was the baker's shop; with his three cats sunning themselves in the window, their noses resting wetly on the loaves ... The butcher's shop; with the flies sitting peacefully on the dismembered carcases hanging outside the window ... the sweet shop; whose owners had a pathological hatred of children ... the 'convenience' store; with its captive audience pricing, and which closed at 4 pm ... All gone now...
"As far as I'm concerned the high street [...] cant die off soon enough."
Re: Soon you will be able to connect your own PC to your smart meter
"saves them the cost of sending meter-readers round"
Well they could do that straight away, judging by the way they ignore whatever reading the nice man from G4S has given them, and always send an "estimated" bill instead.
They need a snappy tag line...
How about "
Biting Gently muzzling up to the hand that feeds IT"
That looks similar to the 2 March 1965 launch of an Atlas-Centaur rocket, which fell back and completely wrecked launch pad LC-36A at Cape Canaveral.
I suspect nothing will be launched from LP-0A at the Mid-Atlantic Regional Spaceport for some time.
Many years ago...
I used to have a T shirt with the slogan:
"Watership Down: You've read the book, you've seen the film, now try the pie."
Re: The history of civilisation
'What is "real wealth"?'
"There is no wealth but life. Life, including all its powers of love, of joy, and of admiration. That country is the richest which nourishes the greatest numbers of noble and happy human beings; that man is richest, who, having perfected the functions of his own life to the utmost, has also the widest helpful influence, both personal, and by means of his possessions, over the lives of others."
John Ruskin, Unto This Last (1860)
Re: breaking news
"I suspect if we thawed out "Ugg" from his ten thousand year slumber he would understand this concept."
"Hmm, well yes it's nice and shiny, fits the hand well, and I do like those glowing mystical runes appearing on it's surface, but I really can't see it being sharp enough to get the skin off an antelope.
[Produces rock] Now this is a new iKnife with the double-edged scraper as well as the hammer at the blunt end. The obsidian flakes and bits of sapphire are sharp enough to sever a finger.
But only if you're holding it wrong..."
Re: Sharon T. Pokeworthy...
"her phone number is 01777 777 777"
When a website requires a telephone number for what are obviously purely marketing purposes, I always use the site owner's own telephone number...
That will do nicely...
Count me in: A LOHAN mug will be an excellent companion to the BOFH one I got some years ago.
How about a second Kickstarter to fund a ticket for Ariadne and family?
"Ring ... ring ... ring ... click ... beep ..."
"The answering machine is unavailable at the moment, so this is the fridge speaking. If you want to leave a message I'll stick it under one of my magnets..."
Re: Jurrasic Park IV
Oh I don't know...
The ground trembles causing ripples in the puddles as the small group of humans huddle together for comfort. There is a crashing sound nearby and a lightning flash reveals the feathered plume of a T-Rex in all its glory, just inches from them. The creature lowers its head and opens its huge, jaws...
"WHERE'S MY @$%!^ CRACKER THEN, EH?"
Re: I'd also add...
"Mars..is a DEAD planet."
It's not dead - it's just pinin' for some fjords.
Re: My hopes are dashed
"I wonder what it feels like to work on this stuff?"
"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." - J. Robert Oppenheimer, 16 July 1945
Re: Well, well, well. I perfectly well understand that the expression "allies"....................
According to most fly-on-the-wall documentaries, a lot of prostitutes believe they have a "special relationship" with their pimp.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are. Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.
Somewhere there's an Astroboffin making notes on his clipboard: "Twinkle ... tick, little ... tick, star ... tick, diamond ...tick, sky ... tick. OK what's next on the list?"
Re: Not just any diamond..
So does this mean the Time Lords are returning?
"Wasn't it Goerring who said that if you just keep repeating a lie over and over, people will eventually come to believe it?"
It was Joseph Goebbels allegedly*, but you make a very good point (+1) - and the full "quote" is even more enlightening...
“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”
* [Citation needed]
Perhaps I could interest you in a "special" roll of double-sided sticky tape to keep your home free of
dragons, vampires and hobbits terrorists and paedophiles.
It works on basically the same principle as your proposed legislation, except that it doesn't involve burning down your house to protect it.
Re: Corporate re-branding horror...
"Please can we have the 'B' ark ASAP?"
I believe the Hairdressers Fire Development Subcommittee is looking into it.
They would welcome your input about what colour it should be...
... and whether or not it could be fitted nasally.
One day the government / legal profession / security agencies / IP lawyers will finally accept that an IP address does not actually map to an individual machine.
On that day IPv4 and NAT will be outlawed and IPv6 made compulsory.
That suggests that "anything can happen in the next half hour"...
It's the one with the Gerry Anderson script in a pocket.
Quist has updated his status to: "being eaten by a shark"
Emilio Largo has updated his status to: "day just got better"
Oh the pain...
I don't want an invisible robot, I want one that waves its arms around and shouts "Warning! Warning!" whenever my neighbour tries to light his barbecue.
Leave my childhood alone please, you bubble-headed booby.
2, 4, 6, 8, Run away...
If they ever get to the stage of comparing their machines to a teenager, then I'm heading for the hills.
I appreciate that advertising and marketing is a specialist profession*, but could I suggest some sort of implementation like this:
Display random advert
Do all that stuff that makes you think that becaue I once upgraded the RAM in my laptop I will continue to buy RAM for random machines - or long-term car parking in downtown LA.
The invoice for my consultancy fee will be in the post.
* One or more parallel universes may be required.
Re: Voicemail Sucks
"Can voicemail be turned off completely?"
I don't know about other networks, but it can be disabled on Vodafone and O2
Vodafone: 1210 to disable, 1211 to enable.
O2: 1760 to disable, 1750 to enable.
Perhaps their order processing and payments system is out as well and nobody is prepared to sign off the order without all the "paperwork" being complete.
Re: Getting as bad as motorcycle and car shows
I hadn't realised these shows were an either / or situation.
"You'll have to TALK TO THE DEAD"
That would explain a lot about both their help desk and their sales assistant recruitment policy.
"Hello? Is there anybody there?"
Re: I might bid on the Apollo 11 cheese knife.
I rather fancy the "... pair of prototype trousers for early space shuttle crews ..."
"Techno-trousers, Gromit, ex-NASA, ideal for walkies"
Judging by past experience one of two things will happen:
1) This information will be duly compiled, categorised and checked by a newly created department within the firms concerned. The state will then create a corresponding bureaucracy to oversee and ensure firms are complying with the regulations.
Following this process the information will be made available to employees - in the bottom of a filing cabinet, stuck in a disused lavatory, with a sign on the door saying "Beware of the leopard".
2) The requirement will be universally ignored.
An accident waiting to happen?
I can't help thinking that the idea of a "universal" connector performing so many different functions is an accident waiting to happen.
For example, sooner or later somebody will find a way of squirting 20 V into some device that was expecting 5 V - all it takes is one lazy (or untested) design:
Designer: "I know that the devices are supposed to negotiate this, but our device will always want 20 V so we can save money by having a 20 V only PSU."
User: "I need to charge my tablet. This plug will fit it..." >Zap<
BOFH: "I'll take a dozen"
"... under nearby wasteland ...
I used to work round there, and unless things have radically changed recently, the "nearby wasteland" is usually called Eccles.
They managed to miss the Bridgewater Canal as well.
El Pollo Diablo* ?
Curiously enough our local supermarket has cement mixers in the aisle next to the cooking implements.
It's the one draped over the 100 kg bag of sage and onion stuffing.
* "...and more slaw! ... they never give you enough slaw with these value meals."
Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?
Clarke's third law states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
Take brewing for example...
Re: And this is filed under Security?
Well would you break into premises guarded by a polar bear lizard?
"Dragan Radenovic" could be an anagram - let's see...
"A Carving Adorned" ... "I carve darn gonad" ... "A Cardigan Vendor" ... "Graved Draconian" ...
10 Years from now...
"That depends", said the furtive figure at the street corner, "what exactly you are after..."
"What have you got?" said the man wearing the baseball cap.
The figure opened his tracksuit top slightly, revealing two plastic packages. "Smoked or streaky? I've got both"
At this a van screeched to a halt and the figure was wrestled to the ground. One of the armed officers searched him and held up a small packet of white powder. 'Salt', he said triumphantly.
The man in the baseball cap shook his head.
"Kids today - why can't they just stick to blue meth like everyone else?"
I suspect that the cat did it and then framed him with carefully planted "evidence".
Perhaps he'll remember this incident the next time he considers buying budget cat food.
Re: BOVINES IN SPACE!!!!
You would need to provide the aforementioned bovine with a food source thereby bringing a whole new meaning to astroturf.
It's the space suit with the lasso and spurs.
I suspect that it would only be a matter of weeks before the criminal fraternity found a way to counter this technology.
Presumably the same people could clone the vehicle stopping transmitters, and generate a carriageway or two of stopped or slowing vehicles to assist their getaway.
That would make a good plot for a film - something with red, white and blue Minis comes to mind.
Re: Spanish beer culture
I'd always assumed the SPB was based in Spain for weather reasons...
"... capable of telling the difference between six different styles of [beer] with over 80 per cent accuracy."
That's disturbing as most of the "humans" around here are unable to do that.
Well not for the entire evening anyway.
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