635 posts • joined 27 Jan 2010
"Dragan Radenovic" could be an anagram - let's see...
"A Carving Adorned" ... "I carve darn gonad" ... "A Cardigan Vendor" ... "Graved Draconian" ...
10 Years from now...
"That depends", said the furtive figure at the street corner, "what exactly you are after..."
"What have you got?" said the man wearing the baseball cap.
The figure opened his tracksuit top slightly, revealing two plastic packages. "Smoked or streaky? I've got both"
At this a van screeched to a halt and the figure was wrestled to the ground. One of the armed officers searched him and held up a small packet of white powder. 'Salt', he said triumphantly.
The man in the baseball cap shook his head.
"Kids today - why can't they just stick to blue meth like everyone else?"
I suspect that the cat did it and then framed him with carefully planted "evidence".
Perhaps he'll remember this incident the next time he considers buying budget cat food.
Re: BOVINES IN SPACE!!!!
You would need to provide the aforementioned bovine with a food source thereby bringing a whole new meaning to astroturf.
It's the space suit with the lasso and spurs.
I suspect that it would only be a matter of weeks before the criminal fraternity found a way to counter this technology.
Presumably the same people could clone the vehicle stopping transmitters, and generate a carriageway or two of stopped or slowing vehicles to assist their getaway.
That would make a good plot for a film - something with red, white and blue Minis comes to mind.
Re: Spanish beer culture
I'd always assumed the SPB was based in Spain for weather reasons...
"... capable of telling the difference between six different styles of [beer] with over 80 per cent accuracy."
That's disturbing as most of the "humans" around here are unable to do that.
Well not for the entire evening anyway.
Re: Backfiring Logic
[Looks around furtively] I was told that the tinfoil manufacturers are conspiring with the powers that be, to leave flaws in their product so signals can still get through. Probably nonsense but...
+++ no carrier
The left-hand vulture seems to be associated with a balloon shaped object immediately beneath what appears to be some sort of truss-girder arrangement. This structure is in turn supporting some sort of arrow shaped, winged object at the far right.
Him: "OK ... Insert dowel (A) into hole (B) and secure with a screw (W) ... er ..."
Him: "No, wait ... that's Karja Soota an Ikea wardrobe ... I'll try the search again ..."
That's why I come here...
An excellent, detailed analysis putting the court's decision into its historical context
When I was a kid the local pet shop had a parrot just inside the entrance. People would walk up to it and say things like "Pretty Polly". The bird would listen for a while and then cock its head to one side saying:
"Bugger off! Birds can't talk."
Spy in the cab...
"... beat the speeding ticket he gave her for driving at 85 miles per hour in her Prius because of lack of evidence."
If only there had been some sort of device in the car that could have recorded what she was doing at the time.
Er, hang on ...
Any Harry Potter book with the adult binding.
Re: GP's Opening Hours
"When am I supposed to find time to have this chat with my GP. His opening hours clash with my work hours"
Well you could learn to play golf...
Good news everyone...
I've just heard that the Emperor is going to pay for his new clothes in Bitcoins.
Top of the world Ma...
I would have though a few cheap femtocells and some recording equipment would have answered that question in short order - as well as detecting the illegal phones.
What's the betting the survey says that the phones are only ever used for checking on family welfare.
May I suggest that the boffin in the second picture has written on his clipboard:
ACME rocket sled ATK Castor 30 - ship to Wile E Coyote, ...".
It has the anvil and bird seed in one pocket.
Re: Hmm... (A.C. 11:38)
"...he just gave her another £1 note in return..."
Yes, for many years now asking for your "pounds" has resulted in you being given another note of the same denomination - and a well-we-haven't-heard-that-one-before smile from the cashier.
Gold sovereigns are still produced by the Royal Mint, but a 2014 one will cost you 450 quid.
English banknotes carry the inscription "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of ... pounds", and at one time if you took a fiver into Bank of England they would give you five gold sovereigns in place of it.
Perhaps these virtual currencies could be backed by some sort of virtual metal...
Hang on a minute - who's had my El Reg Silver badge?
Perhaps now that the technology has been successfully demonstrated, funding will be made available to add the missing components of a true "Full English", such as the black pudding (or bubble), second cup of tea, and endless supply of toast.
I was also concerned that this technology might fall into the hands of the "Continental" faction, but I now realise that air-launched croissants would almost certainly boomerang back to their point of origin.
I must object to the idea, expressed in your article, that anyone would wish to "... make buying condoms like buying a pair of shoes ...".
The memsahib already has countless pairs of shoes lying unused in her wardrobe waiting for a "suitable occasion", and I can only assume she would apply the same logic to the condoms.
I remain Sir,
Colonel Buckfast-Guzzler (retired)
Re: What the UK can bring to the table.
"We have a pretty impressive set of people who would improve the planet. By leaving it."
So what we need then is a set of three spaceships, let's call them the 'A', 'B' and 'C' Arks...
Re: Just wondering
Sir Thomas Urquhart recommended in 1653 "the neck of a goose, that is well downed".
Safety hint: If you are planning to use the neck of either a goose or a swan, it is essential to remove it from the bird first.
Am I alone in feeling uneasy that the researchers are training it to recognise sharks?
It's the red-lined cape with the top hat containing a frikin laser.
I notice that, purely by coincidence, this has happened just before the last-minute Christmas rush.
"He suggests consumers could set up a landing pad-cum-beacon in their back gardens to help guide the drones into place.
There would have to be some way of getting such a beacon to the customer - perhaps they could mail it or use a courier.
Perhaps the first question that should be asked is: "Do we need to store this data at all?
For some reason I thought of a "small dog" when reading that headline...
It's the slightly muddy dressing gown with the towel in a pocket.
Re: 501 days of fun..
Minnie: "I spy with my little eye something beginning with 's'."
Minnie: "Yes. OK, it's your turn now."
Henry: "Hold on, Min, I have to go and top up the radiation shield."
If your console has a flashing blue light and is also making a strange whooshing noise, then you may have been sent a TARDIS by mistake.
The replacement unit will arrive yesterday.
A religion, not a drink...
Coffee seems to be taken far too seriously by some people around our hollowed-out volcano, and believe me, when to drink it is just a side issue.
The heated debate about how long to grind coffee beans was finally settled by a colleague who immersed the aforementioned beans in liquid nitrogen and then smashed them with a hammer. This produced a very satisfactory drink and reminded all present that she had access to liquid nitrogen - and hammers.
The icon? Well somebody once brought in a bottle of "Camp coffee"...
I believe it's a term from the financial services world* - as in the expressions: "green is good" and "banking reforms given a green light".
* A parallel universe version of Earth.
Once again we have somebody proposing a technological fix for a human problem.
Any red port left?
Perhaps somebody should have warned them that if a ship's starboard light appears to be on your left hand side, the ship is heading straight towards you. This is one occasion when "getting a green light" is not always a good thing.
"... the alleged hacking of thousands of computer systems in the US and other countries ... inserted backdoors into compromised networks to allow them to return at a later date to steal confidential data from those hacked systems... "
Oh dear. He will probably get the book thrown at him - for impersonating a member of the security services.
This will probably be a short lived event, but it could still lead to the people responsible being asked awkward questions.
Questions such as: "What is it you actually do all day?" and "Do we really need to employ you?"
The B Ark is now ready for boarding..
Does this mean that the Playmonaut now has access to "transporter" technology?
Re: Can it handle a poor starting material
"Idioms and dialects can defeat ANY translator..."
I was once at a conference in Germany where a particularly long-winded was speaker expressing himself.
The simultaneous English translation went silent about half way through, and just as I thought it had broken, the translator came back on sounding somewhat exasperated.
"For god's sake man - get to the verb!"
Highway to heaven...
While it's tempting to have a go at Apple Maps, the real problem here is the airport security.
There seems little point in scanning passengers and baggage when some
geographically-challenged person terrorist can simply drive on to the runway through an open gate and crash into target an aircraft.
Which part of "secure the perimeter" didn't they understand?
Re: Following the UPS protocol
... Your package has been taken to our local depot in Alpha Centauri, where it may be collected, in person, between the hours of 10:00 and 10:03 ...
Bring your towel...
"ok, 85000 years to get to Alpha Cen."
Sorry, I'm not going to Alpha Centauri, but I can drop you off 1.6 lightyears from Gliese 445 in about 40,000 years.
You can get an express bus from there...
Perhaps it is time for me to revive my own
money making professional accreditation scheme.
The principle is very straightforward - the more money you send me, the more impressive will be the title printed on your
receipt 100 gsm watermarked* paper certificate.
For example GBP 100 will get you a certificate stating you are an Accredited Resource Service Engineer. To become a Senior Heuristics Implementation Technician will cost you just GBP 2500.
No actual work, skills, or competence needed. Other titles are available on request. Payment by used notes in small denominations only please. Free pen to first 100 applicants.
*For an extra GBP 100 I will find some paper the cat hasn't "watermarked" yet.
At least no official spokesman has trotted out the old "if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" line...
"Their opening session is on <drum roll> Ethics"
Well that's the first five minutes taken care of - unless it turns out to be a talk on Basildon, by somebody with an unfortunate speech defect.
(Geordie accent) "It's half past five here at the Grove Hotel and everyone is asleep, apart from Craig and Peter who are in the coffee bar.
Earlier today all the attendees completed their first group task on cyber warfare.
Meanwhile, out in garden Big Brother is releasing three starving tigers from their cages..."
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