608 posts • joined Wednesday 27th January 2010 15:07 GMT
I notice that, purely by coincidence, this has happened just before the last-minute Christmas rush.
"He suggests consumers could set up a landing pad-cum-beacon in their back gardens to help guide the drones into place.
There would have to be some way of getting such a beacon to the customer - perhaps they could mail it or use a courier.
Perhaps the first question that should be asked is: "Do we need to store this data at all?
For some reason I thought of a "small dog" when reading that headline...
It's the slightly muddy dressing gown with the towel in a pocket.
Re: 501 days of fun..
Minnie: "I spy with my little eye something beginning with 's'."
Minnie: "Yes. OK, it's your turn now."
Henry: "Hold on, Min, I have to go and top up the radiation shield."
If your console has a flashing blue light and is also making a strange whooshing noise, then you may have been sent a TARDIS by mistake.
The replacement unit will arrive yesterday.
A religion, not a drink...
Coffee seems to be taken far too seriously by some people around our hollowed-out volcano, and believe me, when to drink it is just a side issue.
The heated debate about how long to grind coffee beans was finally settled by a colleague who immersed the aforementioned beans in liquid nitrogen and then smashed them with a hammer. This produced a very satisfactory drink and reminded all present that she had access to liquid nitrogen - and hammers.
The icon? Well somebody once brought in a bottle of "Camp coffee"...
I believe it's a term from the financial services world* - as in the expressions: "green is good" and "banking reforms given a green light".
* A parallel universe version of Earth.
Any red port left?
Perhaps somebody should have warned them that if a ship's starboard light appears to be on your left hand side, the ship is heading straight towards you. This is one occasion when "getting a green light" is not always a good thing.
"... the alleged hacking of thousands of computer systems in the US and other countries ... inserted backdoors into compromised networks to allow them to return at a later date to steal confidential data from those hacked systems... "
Oh dear. He will probably get the book thrown at him - for impersonating a member of the security services.
This will probably be a short lived event, but it could still lead to the people responsible being asked awkward questions.
Questions such as: "What is it you actually do all day?" and "Do we really need to employ you?"
The B Ark is now ready for boarding..
Does this mean that the Playmonaut now has access to "transporter" technology?
Re: Can it handle a poor starting material
"Idioms and dialects can defeat ANY translator..."
I was once at a conference in Germany where a particularly long-winded was speaker expressing himself.
The simultaneous English translation went silent about half way through, and just as I thought it had broken, the translator came back on sounding somewhat exasperated.
"For god's sake man - get to the verb!"
Highway to heaven...
While it's tempting to have a go at Apple Maps, the real problem here is the airport security.
There seems little point in scanning passengers and baggage when some
geographically-challenged person terrorist can simply drive on to the runway through an open gate and crash into target an aircraft.
Which part of "secure the perimeter" didn't they understand?
Re: Following the UPS protocol
... Your package has been taken to our local depot in Alpha Centauri, where it may be collected, in person, between the hours of 10:00 and 10:03 ...
Bring your towel...
"ok, 85000 years to get to Alpha Cen."
Sorry, I'm not going to Alpha Centauri, but I can drop you off 1.6 lightyears from Gliese 445 in about 40,000 years.
You can get an express bus from there...
Perhaps it is time for me to revive my own
money making professional accreditation scheme.
The principle is very straightforward - the more money you send me, the more impressive will be the title printed on your
receipt 100 gsm watermarked* paper certificate.
For example GBP 100 will get you a certificate stating you are an Accredited Resource Service Engineer. To become a Senior Heuristics Implementation Technician will cost you just GBP 2500.
No actual work, skills, or competence needed. Other titles are available on request. Payment by used notes in small denominations only please. Free pen to first 100 applicants.
*For an extra GBP 100 I will find some paper the cat hasn't "watermarked" yet.
"Someone NEEDS to build a driveable cement mixer. Possibly one for El Reg's SPB?"
How about this one.
At least no official spokesman has trotted out the old "if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear" line...
"Their opening session is on <drum roll> Ethics"
Well that's the first five minutes taken care of - unless it turns out to be a talk on Basildon, by somebody with an unfortunate speech defect.
(Geordie accent) "It's half past five here at the Grove Hotel and everyone is asleep, apart from Craig and Peter who are in the coffee bar.
Earlier today all the attendees completed their first group task on cyber warfare.
Meanwhile, out in garden Big Brother is releasing three starving tigers from their cages..."
Bowman: "Open the kitchen door, HAL"
HAL: "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."
Bowman: "What's the problem?"
HAL: "I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do."
Bowman: "What are you talking about, HAL?"
HAL: "I know that you and Frank are planning to use the microwave to cook bacon. And I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen."
Re: attempting to hide in a cactus?
Brings a whole new meaning to "prickly
"Captain! In our last fly-by of the planet we picked up this alien probe."
"How very curious, Zarg, it has a display screen on the side showing inhabitants of the planet."
"We think it is some sort of pick-your-own menu, Captain."
"Excellent Zarg. Ready my saucer and bring the big net."
How strange - a blank post.
The cynic in me feels that the development process went something like this...
Boffin: "Good news everyone, we've managed to engineer tomatoes with double the usual shelf life."
Marketeer: "But they're purple - nobody will buy purple tomatoes. Well not unless they prevent cancer or something."
Boffin: "I'll see what we can do."
Re: Mute swan
A good suggestion, but I can assure you that the "Mute" swan is definitely misnamed, You should hear the noise our resident pair make when something approaches their nest or cygnets. This usually happens at about 04:00 and sets off the Canada geese.
May I therefore suggest the toucan. They too have a large orange bill1 and are known for their ring networking2.
1 I drink Guinness.
2 I may have misheard (see above).
Re: Recruit new Playmonaut
I suspect it would be considerably cheaper (total cost about two pints) to "recruit" another actual Playmonaut.
No doubt the SPB boffins will have already factored in the cost of decontaminating a crash site, in the unlikely event of something going wrong.
Nobody wants another "Palomares incident" and the cost of tracking down and removing a geologically-inconvenienced "celeb" could be substantial.
I'm sure somebody said that to Marco Polo, Alan Turing and Sir Tim Berners-Lee.
Please remember that if Christopher Columbus hadn't "discovered" America, we wouldn't have had anywhere to send the
"B" Ark Mayflower and her passengers.
Presumably his "Old salty Swedish sea-dog" outfit was at the cleaners.
" the document offered a $100,000 down-payment for an interview with the would-be recruit"
Dear Mr Fogle,
I understand you are currently recruiting
vacuum cleaner salesmen secret agents, and I was just wondering if you needed anybody in Havana, Cuba?
If so I would be delighted to meet with you for an interview. Please bring the money in small denomination, used dollar bills, rather than Euros.
It has the Graham Greene novel in a pocket.
Re: Oh and...
"we should try to have simpler (and with it, fairer?) tax systems"
I remember reading an article where a former tax inspector proposed switching instead to (a higher rate of) VAT on everything and abolishing all other taxes.
His argument was that it is far easier to collect tax on what people spend than on what they earn. Purchase taxes are much harder to evade.
"Hello. Mario Brothers Plumbing here ... NASA who? ... Oh that NASA. What seems to be the problem? ... Coolant leak you say. [Sharp intake of breath] Well I don't know, they can be a real problem those. Unit's obsolete of course, all metric these days ... Urgent you say? ... OK, it's outside our usual manor, but I'll get one of the lads to stick his head in and have a look ... When? Can't promise it'll be today but I'll see what we can do ... How much will it cost? Hard to say without seeing the job. The call-out fee's a hundred quid, and there's the travel at two quid a mile ..."
Re: Pear shaped matter?
"... they smash a heavy atom into another not as heavy atom ..."
So a job for a Quantum Panel-beater rather than a Quantum Mechanic then.
Early days yet...
"... with just a little human intervention to add the battery and motor ..."
Not forgetting a little human intervention to position the folding strips, attach power supplies sequentially, turn it over...
It's certainly an interesting way of assembling things, and I know it's a prototype, but to call it a self-assembling robot is a bit like saying our local motor parts shop sells self-assembling vehicles.
Re: Buy stocks in aluminum!
"... an announcement like this is really going to stir up the tinfoil hat crowd!"
[Looks around furtively]
Somebody told me that TPTB make all the foil companies put flaws in their products to allow through certain frequencies...
"I'll be cancelling my service and attempting to move to an independent ISP, but there don't seem to be many of those left nowadays."
May I suggest Zen.
I have found they provide an excellent service and would strongly recommend them.
Being terribly old* I can remember when tests like this were all the rage.
Over the years I have been asked for samples of handwriting (for graphology purposes), to pick colours from a chart (so that my "colour profile" could be determined) and to assemble misshapen bits of plastic (to test my "spacial awareness").
I don't really think these tests helped in establishing my suitability for a job, but they did warn me of what I was going to be up against if I took the contract.
* Age > 25 (Agency definition)
- World's OLDEST human DNA found in leg bone – but that's not the only boning going on...
- Lightning strikes USB bosses: Next-gen jacks will be REVERSIBLE
- Pics Brit inventors' GRAVITY POWERED LIGHT ships out after just 1 year
- Microsoft teams up with Feds, Europol in ZeroAccess botnet zombie hunt
- Storagebod Oh no, RBS has gone titsup again... but is it JUST BAD LUCK?