Posts by Blofeld's Cat
569 posts • joined Wednesday 27th January 2010 15:07 GMT
Re: So
"Pointless exercise"
I'm sure somebody said that to Marco Polo, Alan Turing and Sir Tim Berners-Lee.
Please remember that if Christopher Columbus hadn't "discovered" America, we wouldn't have had anywhere to send the "B" Ark Mayflower and her passengers.
Open letter...
" the document offered a $100,000 down-payment for an interview with the would-be recruit"
Dear Mr Fogle,
I understand you are currently recruiting vacuum cleaner salesmen secret agents, and I was just wondering if you needed anybody in Havana, Cuba?
If so I would be delighted to meet with you for an interview. Please bring the money in small denomination, used dollar bills, rather than Euros.
Best wishes,
James Wormold
It has the Graham Greene novel in a pocket.
Re: Oh and...
"we should try to have simpler (and with it, fairer?) tax systems"
I remember reading an article where a former tax inspector proposed switching instead to (a higher rate of) VAT on everything and abolishing all other taxes.
His argument was that it is far easier to collect tax on what people spend than on what they earn. Purchase taxes are much harder to evade.
Expert help...
>Ring< >click<
"Hello. Mario Brothers Plumbing here ... NASA who? ... Oh that NASA. What seems to be the problem? ... Coolant leak you say. [Sharp intake of breath] Well I don't know, they can be a real problem those. Unit's obsolete of course, all metric these days ... Urgent you say? ... OK, it's outside our usual manor, but I'll get one of the lads to stick his head in and have a look ... When? Can't promise it'll be today but I'll see what we can do ... How much will it cost? Hard to say without seeing the job. The call-out fee's a hundred quid, and there's the travel at two quid a mile ..."
Re: Pear shaped matter?
"... they smash a heavy atom into another not as heavy atom ..."
So a job for a Quantum Panel-beater rather than a Quantum Mechanic then.
Early days yet...
"... with just a little human intervention to add the battery and motor ..."
Not forgetting a little human intervention to position the folding strips, attach power supplies sequentially, turn it over...
It's certainly an interesting way of assembling things, and I know it's a prototype, but to call it a self-assembling robot is a bit like saying our local motor parts shop sells self-assembling vehicles.
Re: Buy stocks in aluminum!
"... an announcement like this is really going to stir up the tinfoil hat crowd!"
[Looks around furtively]
Somebody told me that TPTB make all the foil companies put flaws in their products to allow through certain frequencies...
Sentence...
The sentence for these offences should presumably be "life"...
... but not as we know it.
Independent ISP...
"I'll be cancelling my service and attempting to move to an independent ISP, but there don't seem to be many of those left nowadays."
May I suggest Zen.
I have found they provide an excellent service and would strongly recommend them.
Again?
Being terribly old* I can remember when tests like this were all the rage.
Over the years I have been asked for samples of handwriting (for graphology purposes), to pick colours from a chart (so that my "colour profile" could be determined) and to assemble misshapen bits of plastic (to test my "spacial awareness").
I don't really think these tests helped in establishing my suitability for a job, but they did warn me of what I was going to be up against if I took the contract.
* Age > 25 (Agency definition)
Bleugh...
Dear Sir,
I read your article where David Cameron claims there is a lot of "pornography" on the internet.
This is indeed the case with some of these wretched, perverted sites even having pictures of ... ah ... young women who are not wearing their veils and burkas.
I find this development deplorable as I have had to turn to images of women in burkas for mas... (cough) ... private contemplation, since the proper, decent practice of draping table legs has declined.
I would write more but I need to take a cold shower.
I remain, sir, your obedient servant (every Tuesday by private arrangement),
Colonel Buckfast-Guzzler (retired)
Posted in 787 battery fix approved
Manual update...
p445 Insert: "7b During normal operation some smoke and/or flames may be seen coming from the battery pack. This is perfectly safe and is not a cause for concern.
If the problem persists the pilots should reduce altitude and land the aircraft. At this point the Captain may wish to inform the passengers of the aircraft's status, but phrases such as 'the plane's on fire' or 'we're all going to die' should be avoided as they might cause alarm.
If the aircraft is already descending the pilots need take no further action as the aircraft will automatically stop when it reaches the ground."
Re: Page 2 - top-most picture
It's a slumped person and it means "Danger of suffocation".
Prior art...
Anyone else remember the Sinclair Radionics Black Watch from 1975?
It was a fiddle to assemble and quickly fell apart again.
A memorable "feature" was the tiny LED display which ate the battery so quickly that you didn't notice what a poor timekeeper it was.
Re: Smart metering update
"TV has been powered down"
Good grief man - do you want people thinking for themselves?
They might actually see through the scam begin to doubt the benefits of a smart meter.
Just resting...
"Assuming your account remains silent, Google can initiate several actions at your prior request."
Dear Mr Cat,
You have not replied to our email, so we presume you are dead.
We have therefore, as you requested, reset your mail forwarding options to medium.
Best wishes for the afterlife,
(Repeated nine times)
Posted in The ten SEXIEST computers of ALL TIME
Re: Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea/Lost in Space
I seem to recall that most of these computers shorted out dramatically every time the flimsy ship rocked.
Posted in Boffins brew eyes on bugs' wings
Re: HUGE MUTANT SUPERBUGS!!!
"superbugs of unusually large size"
These are no problem to deal with - you just lure them outside and attack them with artillery.
Anything?
"In a pinch, it can do anything"
OK let's see it put together an Ikea wardrobe. It seems to have the appropriate number of "hands" anyway.
So long...
Asteroids, meteors and comets arrive and the dolphins start leaving. This does not bode well.
Did the dolphins leave a message by any chance?
It's the dressing-gown and towel.
Re: only 2 computers?
"I always wear 3 watches"
Remember that time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly triply so.
Re: More strange thinking
Very strange. I haven't bought a physical newspaper for years, and already use AdBlock to make the on-line ones readable.
I suspect that thinking was not involved in this...
Re: This should not be a surprise.
"Our main and best power source, on this planet, is the nearby star."
Yes, but at 620,000,000 tonnes of hydrogen per second, shouldn't we be looking for something a bit more economical?
Re: Mu and Lemuria
The top level domain for Mauritius is .mu.
Is that really just a coincidence or ...
+++ No carrier
Re: Do no Evil
It's just a typo.
They meant to type "Do know Evil".
Re: Obligatory Daily Fail angle
You forgot the "...coming over here from an alternative universe and taking all our reality..." bit.
$100k...
Remember it is the broken door they they have to replace.
Broken windows would have cost less.
Interesting...
I had assumed these articles were in response to the average tourist's experience...
"You went on a day-trip to Gibraltar? What did you do in the afternoon?"
Re: "Seemingly there is no reason for these extraordinary intergalactic upsets...
"Klytus, I'm bored. What plaything can you offer me today?"
"An obscure body in the S-K system, Your Majesty. The inhabitants refer to it as the planet Earth."
It has an elaborate ring in one pocket.
No 'Plan B'...
So that will be: "Plan A SP1" then.
Re: Chapters?
A well known motorcycle club is also organised in chapters.
Well...
Yavin 4 and ... er ... hang on that's not a moon.
Re: Variable Relays
"Are variable relays common ?"
Yes, they are common in industrial control systems, and come in many different ratings from a few mA to many kA. I suspect the equipment here will be at the top end of that range.
The calculations needed to set them up typically factor in current and time, based on the rating of the equipment or cable being protected. The system might be able to tolerate a 20% overload for several hours, but have to shut down a 200% overload almost immediately.
Get the settings wrong and you can have a system which works perfectly for a time, and then suddenly shuts down, as appears to have happened here.
More sophisticated systems also take into account the consequences of shutting off the power. NASA, for example, used to (and may still do) lock shut all their circuit breakers during a launch.
Your cheque is in the post...
Many companies would be unable to pay this amount, in less than three months.
The Accounts Office would first need a business case, three competitive quotes, a review by the budget committee, proforma invoice, two signatures, a purchase order number...
That's assuming they even understand the urgency of the situation.
Success...
" I'm hoping the proceeds of this game will get me a few steps closer to less day job and more game making."
Well so far he has achieved the "less day job" bit...
Re: What did Sir Henry request ...
Great Scott! I had that CD playing as I read your comment.
See you in the Fool and Bladder.
So...
Presumably the team from Operation Podium will now be able to get back to investigating the official Olympic games ticketing arrangements.
[Waves hand] "These are not the tickets you paid for".
Posted in Waiter! There's a phone in my soup
Er...
"Miso Soup Designs' Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl"
Is somebody channelling the spirit of Douglas Adams?
<-- You're never alone with the FSM.
Re: They'll look for a simple solution
"The updated model 787 will have a nice shiny red "Battery Eject" button on the dash."
Just above a label added by the PR Department:
"Do not press this button if flying over: Hamburg, Dresden, Tokyo, London, Coventry..."
Re: An eco-friendly solution
"For an additional fee of, say, £200, business class passengers can crack the whip down in cattle class for 15 minutes"
Hear that scratching noise? it's Michael O'Leary making notes.
It's the one still going round the luggage carousel at RAF Stansted Mountfitchet London Stansted Airport.
Unlike...
So we have an "announcement" of "work in progress" for a product still in "pre-beta" (alpha?), which won't be rolled out widely for at least a year, if at all.
They also don't know how to index all the data yet, or turn it into a business.
Sounds another sure-fire winner to me.
Re: Microsoft's vision -locked down computing
" It's an Orwellian vision of computers that can only be used with corporate operating systems."
Quite so. I can't imagine any other manufacturer wanting to lock down their hardware in this manner.
Posted in Boffins develop microwave weed-zapper
Re: ...but is it cheaper than a robot lawnmower?
To do this you would need a lawn "like a billiard table".
Actually turning the power up a bit could create a lawn "like a billiard table" - i.e. no grass anywhere and full of holes.
Posted in India asks Nokia for £340 million in tax
"visited"...
"... the Finnish phone maker told The Hindu it was “visited” by tax officials ..."
Putting the word "visited" in quotes makes me suspect that three ghosts tax officials turned up sequentially on Christmas Eve, wanting to discuss tax past, tax present and tax future.
Hmm...
At first glance they look like a cheap pet for a supervillian, but then you see how much the replacement ink costs.
It has The Kraken Wakes in a pocket.
