* Posts by cosymart

289 posts • joined 23 Jan 2010

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Local TV presenter shouted 'f*cking hell' to open news bulletin

cosymart
Headmaster

Re: Done on purpose

"past" let's not lower ourselves to gutter TV level :-)

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Virgin Media is so rustic and artisan you get to hand-sort your own spam

cosymart
Pirate

Re: Well bugger me...

Takes all sorts, would be good if you didn't advertise your sexual preferences on an open forum :-)

3
1
cosymart
Mushroom

Shooting the Messenger

Why are we complaining about VMs poor Spam handling? What we should be doing is trying to cull the crap at source. Anyone found sending Spam should be guilty of whatever the local law agency can cobble together and then banned from the internet for life and keelhauled!

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Facebook to hire 500 more in Blighty

cosymart
WTF?

Re: It would be nice to see some tech jobs outside London

Basingstoke, Basingstoke..... Not Basingstoke, really? It'll be Slough next and then where will we be?

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Pythons Idle and Cleese pen anti-selfie screed

cosymart
FAIL

Re: Shouting at clouds

@45RPM - "Besides, many celebrities are celebrities because they achieved nothing significant". Fixed that for you.

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3

I've arrived on Mars. Argggh, my back!

cosymart
Happy

Re: A never-ending study on how to mess up humans...

Body Suit.... You mean we might finally get proper space suits like these http://tinyurl.com/gvscthm :-)

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And for our next trick, says Google while literally wheeling out a humongous tablet ...

cosymart
FAIL

Bored

All the folks at that meeting look either totally confused or bored, must have been a real meeting.

They have totally missed the point, the output from this type of meeting isn't the crappy list and weird diagram it is the product of the discussion written up by the mug who was volunteered to take notes. Also, who can ever remember what the diagram means 5 seconds after walking out of the room?

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Asda server glitch leaves customers without online shopping

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: ASDA?

I was sat here trying to work out how an unbagged raw chicken could contaminate an entire supermarket. Had visions of raw chicken being forced into the fans for the air-con (sorry it's Asda warm air fans). I then realised "shop" meant the box of your goodies. Doh!

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Wi-Fi commuter fears

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: news?

It should be news. There should be big bold bright notices in these places that say "Free WiFi use it at your peril!" :-(

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1

Killer Hurricane Matthew threatens to wreck Kennedy Space Center

cosymart
Facepalm

Tent!

They are building a "tent"!!! as extra protection. I hope the tent is made from steel plate as bog standard canvas is going to be as much use as a chocolate teapot :-(

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When Pornhub meets the Internet of Fridges

cosymart
Childcatcher

Flixible Friend

I noticed that there is a sticker on the front for a "Flex Zone" ??? Is this for those who bend both ways?

2
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Blighty's telly, radio watchdog Ofcom does a swear

cosymart
FAIL

Comedy

Comedians that swear are to my mind just lazy in that they assume that if a swear word is used it makes what they say funnier. A well crafted joke does not require any profanity to make it funny.

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The wait is over: MoD releases latest issue of Ship Paint Monthly

cosymart
Mushroom

Re: Technically challenging stuff.

Please mention Da Boom!!

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Pull the plug! PowerPoint may kill my conference audience

cosymart
FAIL

New laptop

New laptop stuffed with USB sockets and so whizzy that Sooty would die of envy. Presentation suit at the swanky hotel - connector lead to the fixed ceiling mounted projector VGA !!!!

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Man accused of $180k ass-based gold smuggling scam awaits verdict

cosymart
Big Brother

BOGOF

The females get a special offer :-)

0
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Plusnet broadband outage: Customers fume as TITSUP* continues

cosymart

Re: If you think they're bad...Virgin Media

I deal with VM both as a business and a residential customer and the difference is chalk and cheese. On the business side any issues are normally dealt with as I am talking to them and if they say they will ring back they do. Well worth switching to the businesses package if you require a reliable service.

0
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The Rise, Fall and Return of TomTom

cosymart

Car Sat Nav

I refused to buy the next model up car wise as the only major feature was the built in Sat Nav and the cost difference was almost £2,000.00 wtf no way!

2
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Childcare app bods wipe users' data – then discover backups had been borked for a year

cosymart

Free as in air

Think they need to ask for their money back...oh dear, it was excellent value and they got what they paid for, nothing :-(

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SpaceX Dragon capsule lands in Pacific carrying 12 moustronauts

cosymart
FAIL

Mice

I think the mice actually wrote the article. This is bad :-(

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Windows 10 Anniversary Update completely borks USB webcams. Yay.

cosymart
Devil

All fine

Still on Windows 7, didn't take the poisoned chalice.

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Adblock Plus blocks Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook ads

cosymart
Headmaster

"which" ones.

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

cosymart
FAIL

NSFW Icon

This entire article needs flagging as NSFW. Enough to get grown men groaning. I do hope that no one of a delicate nature reads this. <Shakes head...>

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0
cosymart
Devil

Re: Anyone who puts the milk in tea whilst the bag is still in the cup

@ Dan Wilkie - Our only tea making facilities in the office are Klix machines :(

Doesn't that amount to constructive dismissal? Does Jeremy Corbyn know about this callus attack on the working man/woman, almost enough to make me vote Labour.

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Windows 10 a failure by Microsoft's own metric – it won't hit one billion devices by mid-2018

cosymart
WTF?

Selling

Normally if someone wants me to buy something they make an effort to sell it to me. You know "it's better than X because it's more whizzy or get this and your PC will run more applications better" Nothing from Microsoft other than "Get this it's free now!". Could it be that Windows 10 is not better than the previous incarnations therefore Microsoft would fall foul of the various consumer laws and their only option was to upgrade by stealth. Mind you their version of stealth is somewhat different to the dictionary definition!

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Teen thugs lure, rob Pokemon Go gamers

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: Hmm...

So it's illegal for a black BMW to have a hand gun. Who would have known!

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Scientists want you to know how to have sex with a hyper-long dong

cosymart
Paris Hilton

Re: "researchers modelled the properties of the genitalia"

@DougS - Probably impresses them more than writer for The Register/IT hack.

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Behold the ROBOT RECTUM... medics' relief

cosymart
Thumb Up

Where From Here?

Rectal Teaching Assistant ... if there is an assistant there must be a fully fledged arsehole.

It also begs the question of career prospects, if you are stating at the bottom the only way must be up. Think I need to rephrase that last line. :-)

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

cosymart
Happy

Re: It was my fault.

It also helps if the string is wet, given the current weather should not be an issue :-)

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Astroboffins discover rapid 'electric winds' blowing on Venus

cosymart
Thumb Up

Check List!

There is a check list for when we go looking for another planet to inhabit/wreck, wow!

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It's not us, it's you: Boffins ditch supercomputers in lust for new materials

cosymart

I read this and failed to understand.....

I read this and failed to understand 99% of it.... It's not April 1st is it?

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EU referendum frenzy bazookas online voter registration. It's another #GovtDigiShambles

cosymart
FAIL

Re: determine why its voter registration site crashed

We'd just like to check what currency you'd like your cheque in?... And which bank you have now transferred to as apparently NatWest is pants?

1
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Smartwatches: I hate to say ‘I told you so’. But I told you so.

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: MS Band

I have 2 watches, neither of which ever need winding or charging. Why should I or anyone take a considerable number of backward steps?

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1

Home Office U-turns on surveillance camera review muddle

cosymart
Holmes

No He Didn't

Read it that is... You don't expect a minister to read everything that get sent to his department. Some minion did that and penned (pun intended) a reply for the minister to approve. Said minion had to go into do-dah extraction mode rapidly hence the more considered reply :-)

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You wanted innovation? We gave you Clippy the Paperclip in your IM client

cosymart
Facepalm

Why

Why do we need AI? There are far too many of the real things infecting the planet and we are trying to create artificial ones.... The point is?

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Laser-zapping scientists will save the Earth from meteorite destruction

cosymart
Happy

Re: But...But....

I thought he was nuked on that asteroid? You mean he might have escaped via a hidden tunnel! Wow you couldn't make it up!

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Siemens Healthcare struck by rebranding madness

cosymart
Happy

Re: Rebrand

I ain't Spartacus > Your title is Coxchopper or the less drastic Coxstabber.

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Samsung's little black box will hot-wire your car to the internet. Eek!

cosymart
Meh

Re: There's a reason for that...

That might be because 8 out of 9 car owners are not complete morons?

But every driver knows that every other driver, apart from them, is a complete moron. So that makes 99.9999% of drivers to be morons.

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Oof! Acer suffers 25 per cent hit to PC sales in turbulent Q1

cosymart
Facepalm

On Yer Bike!

The cycle is broken, we don't need to update the hardware to run the next generation of software.

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Chilling evidence emerges of Kilocat weapon

cosymart
Childcatcher

Re: Purrrrfect Journalism

Don't worry Mr Bond, "James Bond" will soon catNip that in the bud.

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Uninstall QuickTime for Windows: Apple will not patch its security bugs

cosymart
Facepalm

Re: WTF!

That explains two things: 1) why I needed Quick Time and 2) why I am having trouble getting out of this wooden box.

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You won't believe this, but… nothing useful found on Farook iPhone

cosymart
Holmes

Hanlon's Razor

Some people are making assumptions that Governments (and Departments) are intelligent.... I give you Hanlon's Razor: "never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity".

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1

GDS has no real strategy for £450m budget pot, internal plan reveals

cosymart
Holmes

Top Civil Servants

Far too many in the civil service playing the game of musical chairs without the music. 1) Get moved to the latest high profile scheme. 2) Produce lots of mindless bullshit. 3) Get budget increase. 4) Grow department. 5) Spend like mad. 6) Get moved to next high flying scheme just before the audit. 7) Repeat....

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Facebook censors Scunthorpe band

cosymart
Headmaster

Or to be more correct Mammary Gland Mouse.

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cosymart
Happy

Or

Wonder if Penistone passes water?

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Carving up the IT contract behind £500bn of annual tax collection is a very risky move

cosymart
FAIL

Oh Hell

A government IT project that works and works well and is now being changed, this bodes well! Where do I book for tickets to be a fly on the wall at the various crisis meetings in 5 years time? :-)

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Blighty's nuclear deterrent will get a software upgrade amid cyber-war fears

cosymart
Mushroom

Photos or it Didn't Happen :-)

Have a look at some videos :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uljVI4m5e3c

The icon seemed somehow appropriate :-)

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Govt: Citizens, we know you want 10Mbps. This is the last broadband scheme for that

cosymart
Happy

A "puss paw" speed :-)

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Web ads are reading my keystrokes and I can’t even spel propperlie

cosymart
Stop

Re: Damn

Running an Ad-blocker?

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Flying Scotsman attacked by drone

cosymart
Meh

Lester

"I'm getting old and cynical" = I am older and even more cynical :-)

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Flash – aaah-aarrgh! Patch now as hackers exploit fresh holes

cosymart
Megaphone

I just stopped it!

Bloody ***!! MacAfee hidden tick thing!!!

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