* Posts by Miss Lincolnshire

67 posts • joined 22 Jan 2010

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Lack of Hurd mentality at Oracle OpenWorld: Co-CEO's cloud claims fall flat live on stage

Miss Lincolnshire

Turdy McTurdface

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Gimps with big Dell balls hijack HPE's partner shindig

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Burkinis?

When in Rome, sorry Paris.......

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Hewlett Packard Enterprise in talks to offload software, asking for '$8bn to $10bn'

Miss Lincolnshire

Hewlett Packard - from "Garage" to "Garage Sale" in 78 years

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EU referendum frenzy bazookas online voter registration. It's another #GovtDigiShambles

Miss Lincolnshire

If you are so stupid that you leave registering to vote until two hours before the deadline then you really don't deserve the vote in the first place.

Corbyn would be better employed campaigning on the issue and trying to mobilise those that are bright enough to have registered than doing his usual Spartist trick of sniping, sneeringly from the sidelines.

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HPE is still swinging the layoffs axe: 500 more services folk get chop

Miss Lincolnshire

That post is .....

..... a perfect illustration of the attitude that made the acquisition doomed from day one.

I don't recall seeing people scooting about in EDS gear for a long time. EDS was acquired in 2008, I should imagine that most logo kit rotted years ago.

EDS's USP was its agnostic approach to solutions. We built with the most suitable solution for the Customer's requirement. The Customer being the one that was paying, the Customer being the one whose view ought to count in some shape way or form.

HP and Mark Hurd apparently knew better. They believed we should push HP at all costs even where a Customer specifically wanted something else. I'll give you an example, I was upgrading infrastructure from Ultrasparc iii to Ultrasparc iv+. The solution, the application was not changing, was designed to run on Solaris. The Customer specified that the upgrade was to be to Ultrasparc iv+ and this fitted their roadmap and wider strategy. It also kept Oracle licence costs down.

Three times I put in the order for kit and three times it was rejected by Global Procurement so three times I had to explain why HP Itanium was not suitable. Eventually it took a VP's escalation to get me the kit I needed. My project ended up several weeks late purely because HP could not get it into their head that a Customer (i.e. the ones paying) would want something other than HP kit.

I saw this behaviour time and again. I had a senior Customer tell me directly that he would not be sold HP kit as a reaction to the pressured approach. HP soured relationships and lost sales through their 'needy' sales approach. I could count on the fingers of one mitten how many Customers were overjoyed when HP took EDS over. They knew what was coming.

HP cost stripping and hard sell killed EDS. An HP sales person not being able to understand that does not surprise me in the least.

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Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Here's what HP does really well...

What a lovely story. Thanks for sharing.

HP is bugger all to do with HPE. Do try to keep up

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Hewlett Packard Enterprise hiring temps to cover for redundancies - sources

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

Re: Was relieved of duties at the end of April

"I think the thing that is going to bother me most, second only to knowing how my tax money is being wasted, is that I now have 15yrs at Hewlett Packard on my CV. Once that would have been a good thing. Now I am not so sure......"

Couple it with a "Lessons Learned" and you'll be able to charge double for Consultancy

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Miss Lincolnshire

Re: If any article, and it's comments,

It's amazing how an industry that didn't even exist a generation ago has been devalued, comoditised and sent to be "delivered" by exploiting the lack of employment riggts of those in the developing world so quickly.

Time was my parents encouraged me to get a graduate career. I shall be encouraging my daughter to be a hairdresser or undertaker and see her job stay in the UK.

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Central gov spent £6.3bn on IT. Nearly half handed to just 3 suppliers

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Nice fact

None of the above were failed. All delivered on budget, time and scope. You really do need to look elsewhere for your muck.

You shouldn't just measure everyone else by your own track record of failure.

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Miss Lincolnshire

Re: going overseas

"The tax system was similarly done entirely abroad."

I was a programmer on COP, CODA, BROCS, CT Pay & File and CESA. Subsequently managed the installation of servers and networks in Boyd 1 and 2. I didn't get out of Telford Town Centre for any of it.

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Your mother has a smooth forehead, Klingon language lovers roar at Paramount

Miss Lincolnshire

tlhIngan nerds Hol

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Universal Credit at high risk of cyber-attack, fraud from the outset

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Agile

I had an interview for a role with HMRC Cloud and Digital a few weeks ago.

The bloke leading the session seemed to have a poor view of suppliers and little trust for the grades below him but he had read a lot of theoretical papers. Hadn't delivered anything of note.....

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Miss Lincolnshire

too late

It's built by DevOps at HP

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Prof Hawking to mail postage-stamp space craft to Alpha Centauri using frickin' lasers

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Douglas Adams

A goat

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IBM's tops sales staff face long haul...to Hawaii

Miss Lincolnshire

Unbelievable

IBM is making HPE look well run

Believe me it's not.

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Staffers in charge of HPE's UK IT outsourcing face redundo in April

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Don't complain ..its easy that way

Our English grammar is at least to O level standard though. An educational intervention. I hadn't considered that the race to the bottom was driven by the exemplary lifestyles and cultures prevalent in the far east. I'd rather cynically assumed it was because people were cheap as chips and disposable with few employment rights.

Please accept my apologies. It must be all that beer instead of coffee and leaves(sic) that led me to assume that it was all about short term share return and that we hadn't done a bad job of building these companies considering that when I left school the industry hardly existed at all.

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Miss Lincolnshire

Watching the pennies

“probably grads to keeps the costs down,”

Those repeated, multi $bn acquisition write offs (and huge executive bonuses despite them) don't pay for themselves.

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HP Enterprise Services readies deeper cuts in UK: Now 1,000 techies face axe

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Pathetic

Accelerating (the) Next (roùnd of job cuts)

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Trade union threatens work-to-rule action over HPE Lancashire job cuts

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Utter ignorance

You are either a fantasist or the fat bloke at the chip shop and I claim my £5.

One of the best senior managers at HPE works out of Lytham. He ran a strong and professional organisation, top to bottom, when I was there but I wouldn't expect anyone with blinkers to acknowledge that.

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Miss Lincolnshire

Utter ignorance

I've worked at the Lytham site. I've also worked at Cobalt. Those that characterise those under threat, and it's by no means a new threat, as bone idle civil service types are simply exhibiting their own ignorance.

DWP services in Lytham have been run by either EDS or HPE for nigh on 20 years. The private sector and its practices are not a shock to anyone. A large proportion, myself included, never worked for ITSA in the first place so the assumption that it is staffed by career clock watchers is utter guff. The clock watchers went long ago, most of them soon after being TUPEd. I've nothing but respect for the majority of my former colleagues without whom the services running out of Cobalt would have never got off the ground.

Good luck to my former colleagues on DWP Account. Those that reside in Erskine and Cobalt should not get too comfortable either. DWP wants it all in house so that's a significant chunk of the work that has to stay in the UK for security reasons at risk too. I understand Bulgarian language courses will soon appear in the Learning Catalogue.

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Activision to buy Candy Crush developer King

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Stock or Cash? What now for Derby County?

Mighty all conquering Rams? You ovine botherers clearly have a sense of humour.

See you Friday @19:30, COYR!

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What's Meg Whitman fussing over: The fate of HP ... or the font on a DISRUPTIVE new logo?

Miss Lincolnshire

The rectangle is in outline because it would cost too much in ink to fill it in.....

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Miss Lincolnshire

A bit of perspective please

I think people are reading too much into the whole thing. It's a kids show that had to wait almost 50 years for CGI to catch up and do it justice.

Capaldi is a great actor. I enjoy his take on the Doctor. Aside from Strax, who gets some good one-liners, I couldn't care less about any of the occasional supporting cast .

As for Clara/Jenna Louise Coleman, I would crawl naked through an ocean of radioactive Time War debris just to sniff the cotton bud that she'd cleaned her ears out with.

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Miss Lincolnshire

She's got a nice bum too

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Miss Lincolnshire

There's a plot

Now I've accepted that the Doctor is never going to go full Malcolm Tucker I only watch it for Clara anyway. The plots have always been rubbish.

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Fiat 500S: So pleasingly sporty we didn't want to give it back

Miss Lincolnshire

Bird's car

It's a Bird's car but pretty good none the less. Some of the cabin plastics below knee height are a bit cheap and being 6 foot I can't sit in the back because the roof is a bit low but it looks the part and it's easy enough to drive.

Bought my wife one to replace her Corsa. She's happy with it and that's good enough for me.

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Report: HP to SPLIT OFF PC, printer biz from enterprise wing

Miss Lincolnshire
Devil

Re: Not the worst idea

Poor old Leo. It seems his crime was not to be American otherwise the long required split of what is pretty much standard PCs, Printers and Chanel No.5 priced Ink would have happened years ago.

It will be refreshing to no longer have to have a two week "factory break" at Christmas simply because the poor sod that builds the hardware on the other side of the world has to.

No doubt the admin costs of the split will hit this years pay round budget and I suppose we'll need a new name and new start for those of us left with Whitman to host and supply end user services. "Electronic Data Systems" has a nice ring to it...

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HP multiplies Meg Whitman's salary by 1.5 MEELLION

Miss Lincolnshire
Coat

An increase approved by the same Board of Directors that approved the EDS, Touchpad and Autonomy purchases and subsequent write downs equivalent to $30k per employee.

Looking forward to 2014 being another bumper year for Vice President appointments.

Coat because we're all getting them.

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BBC's Clangers returns in £5m 'New Age' remake

Miss Lincolnshire

What about Noggin the Nog?

We could have Nogbad the Bad voiced by Anders Brevik

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Miss Lincolnshire

Multicultural Clangers

Bet you any money there'll be different coloured Clangers. The Wombles remake saw the introduction of an Afro Caribbean Stepney and Shansi from Bejing.

No doubt the soup dragon will be a male vegan too

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NHS tears out its Oracle Spine in favour of open source

Miss Lincolnshire

About time

I hope this idea takes off and hits Mark Hurd's pocket big time

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IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

Miss Lincolnshire

This really surprised me.......

Derby fans don't usually travel.

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US Army engineer wins Air Assault wings after repairing hi-tech leg twice

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Mentor for Edward?

I think that's the general idea

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Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Miss Lincolnshire
Facepalm

Trades Descriptions violation

I saw the words "Orlowski" and "Twat" and immediatley clicked. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it referred to Andrew not Teresa........

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VC firm asked Mark Hurd if he wants to run Dell - report

Miss Lincolnshire
Mushroom

Bye bye Dell

Hasn't one trick pony Turd lined his pockets from other people's misery enough?

The CEO equivalent of Pol Pot.

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Brit Bill Gates writes ANOTHER open letter to HP board

Miss Lincolnshire
Happy

Re: Does anyone give a shit?

Because "the British Bill Wymann" woudl have been slanderous?

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HP shareholders bay for blood in $19 BEELLION writedown aftermath

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

If the HP Board is interested.......

.......I have some magic beans for sale. $3Bn a bag, guaranteed profit makers, honest.

Call me, Yah?

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LG acquires webOS from HP – but not for mobile kit

Miss Lincolnshire
Unhappy

Bugger

It's a shame that LG have no tablet or mobile plans. I have two 32GB Touchpads and I love WebOS. It's fast, intuitive and simple to use. The email GUI is great and very simple to set up. I tried Android on one of them and took it off again, it was so slow and cluinky in comparison.

The only real WebOS weakness for me was that the native ability to play back movie formats was very limited. But that was easily remedied with an app that cost less than £5.

The Touchpad was a great opportunity missed for HP purely because it was overpriced at the time. Shame.

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Next HP CEO is already working at HP, says Meg Whitman

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

Next CEO?

Howard Hughes. He knows how to build morale, generate business, staisfy customers and motivate people

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Autonomy founder attacks HP fraud charges with new website

Miss Lincolnshire
Gimp

They've got form

HP CEOS are very good at pissing money up the wall and then pointing fingers later. Palm, EDS and now Autonomy were all bought in a rush and all have been subject to write downs since. A pity they aren't so impetuous when it comes to staff reward.

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Vote now for the ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE

Miss Lincolnshire

Red Sauce? Have some respect for the Pig for Christ's sake

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Ex-HP boss Mark Hurd's $53m gold parachute approved by judge

Miss Lincolnshire
Linux

Wasted? Never!

You can't beat a nice fish supper.

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HP to take one more stab at consumer tablets

Miss Lincolnshire
Headmaster

this company wastes money quicker than Assad wastes his opponents

I'm writing this on one of my two HP Touchpads. £89 a pop with a great OS and some decent apps that mean it now plays all movies. Looking forward to the next bargain when HP panic and walk away again

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Maude to gov IT suppliers: If you are rubbish you will be binned

Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

How the hell do Govt expect to get economies of scale and buy IT as an entity when they insist on ridiculously fragmented contracts in order to give an impression of competitive tender. Particularly when the civil servants in charge are incapable of managing complexity

Sorry gents but yoursaying "we expect our suppliers to be joined up" does not relieve you of all risk and responsibility. Your contract, your problem

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Unions urge under-fire HP workers to 'resist' job cuts

Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

Clueless

HP failure is nothing to do with the unions hamstringing management. HP have spent and lost about $50bn on EDS, Autonomy, Palm, Vertica etc in the last 5 years. They have invested nothing to build the services, instead they have ripped out cost without thought about what that cost represents (revenue earning staff) and imposed process to stifle.

$10b spent on Autonomy and they let the entire management team that represents the value of that investment walk away! Outrageous. Palm is quite literally written off in the Touchpad debacle. EDS has had zero investment, they bought it to take the profits but have zero idea of how to use it or build it effectively. Vertica is another one that was bought and the boss left. All were bought as CEO vanity pieces as CEOs, particularly Mark Turd fought to be bigger than IBM. Pointless.

HP is a hardware company but it's products are nothing special. Where is the R&D, where is the innovation? There is none. The two biggest markets right now are Tablets & Smartphones. HP offer neither. Laptops etc are commodity kit, people buy the cheapest not the badge.

Bin the hardware division like IBM did, it's a low margin distraction. Maybe keep servers, but build the Autonomy/EDS Services piece. Set some direction. FFS

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DWP's Work Programme IT already broken at launch

Miss Lincolnshire

What's the common factor in Govt IT disasters?

Government.

Civil Serpents spend more time arse covering and ensuring risk and decision making lies with someone else than anything. It gets very tedious when the CS lead whizzes into rooms for the finger pointing and complaining, demands it's "fixed" and then buggers off quick to avoid being linked with the decision making process.

They like to be told the decision, then they are not liable when things go wrong.

Throw in a large portion of shifting requirement, late funding and more moaning and there you have the Government approach to IT.

Most of them know no more about managing an IT procurement than they would a yard brush procurement

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Dagenham council: Only language our tenants understand is SMS

Miss Lincolnshire
Paris Hilton

why not.....

just get the Chavs to text in to vote for who gets evicted. Innit blud?

Then some tattooed non entity could announce the results live on ITV

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