Feeds

* Posts by Miss Lincolnshire

39 posts • joined 22 Jan 2010

HP multiplies Meg Whitman's salary by 1.5 MEELLION

Miss Lincolnshire
Coat

An increase approved by the same Board of Directors that approved the EDS, Touchpad and Autonomy purchases and subsequent write downs equivalent to $30k per employee.

Looking forward to 2014 being another bumper year for Vice President appointments.

Coat because we're all getting them.

2
0

BBC's Clangers returns in £5m 'New Age' remake

Miss Lincolnshire

What about Noggin the Nog?

We could have Nogbad the Bad voiced by Anders Brevik

0
0
Miss Lincolnshire

Multicultural Clangers

Bet you any money there'll be different coloured Clangers. The Wombles remake saw the introduction of an Afro Caribbean Stepney and Shansi from Bejing.

No doubt the soup dragon will be a male vegan too

0
0

NHS tears out its Oracle Spine in favour of open source

Miss Lincolnshire

About time

I hope this idea takes off and hits Mark Hurd's pocket big time

7
2

IT bloke denies trying to shag sheep outside football ground

Miss Lincolnshire

This really surprised me.......

Derby fans don't usually travel.

0
0

US Army engineer wins Air Assault wings after repairing hi-tech leg twice

Miss Lincolnshire

Re: Mentor for Edward?

I think that's the general idea

1
0

Furious Stephen Fry blasts 'evil' Reg and 'TW*T' Orlowski

Miss Lincolnshire
Facepalm

Trades Descriptions violation

I saw the words "Orlowski" and "Twat" and immediatley clicked. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it referred to Andrew not Teresa........

4
0

VC firm asked Mark Hurd if he wants to run Dell - report

Miss Lincolnshire
Mushroom

Bye bye Dell

Hasn't one trick pony Turd lined his pockets from other people's misery enough?

The CEO equivalent of Pol Pot.

2
0

Brit Bill Gates writes ANOTHER open letter to HP board

Miss Lincolnshire
Happy

Re: Does anyone give a shit?

Because "the British Bill Wymann" woudl have been slanderous?

0
0

HP shareholders bay for blood in $19 BEELLION writedown aftermath

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

If the HP Board is interested.......

.......I have some magic beans for sale. $3Bn a bag, guaranteed profit makers, honest.

Call me, Yah?

0
0

LG acquires webOS from HP – but not for mobile kit

Miss Lincolnshire
Unhappy

Bugger

It's a shame that LG have no tablet or mobile plans. I have two 32GB Touchpads and I love WebOS. It's fast, intuitive and simple to use. The email GUI is great and very simple to set up. I tried Android on one of them and took it off again, it was so slow and cluinky in comparison.

The only real WebOS weakness for me was that the native ability to play back movie formats was very limited. But that was easily remedied with an app that cost less than £5.

The Touchpad was a great opportunity missed for HP purely because it was overpriced at the time. Shame.

1
0

Next HP CEO is already working at HP, says Meg Whitman

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

Next CEO?

Howard Hughes. He knows how to build morale, generate business, staisfy customers and motivate people

0
0

Autonomy founder attacks HP fraud charges with new website

Miss Lincolnshire
Gimp

They've got form

HP CEOS are very good at pissing money up the wall and then pointing fingers later. Palm, EDS and now Autonomy were all bought in a rush and all have been subject to write downs since. A pity they aren't so impetuous when it comes to staff reward.

0
0

Vote now for the ULTIMATE BACON SARNIE

Miss Lincolnshire

Red Sauce? Have some respect for the Pig for Christ's sake

1
1

Ex-HP boss Mark Hurd's $53m gold parachute approved by judge

Miss Lincolnshire
Linux

Wasted? Never!

You can't beat a nice fish supper.

0
0

HP to take one more stab at consumer tablets

Miss Lincolnshire
Headmaster

this company wastes money quicker than Assad wastes his opponents

I'm writing this on one of my two HP Touchpads. £89 a pop with a great OS and some decent apps that mean it now plays all movies. Looking forward to the next bargain when HP panic and walk away again

0
0

Maude to gov IT suppliers: If you are rubbish you will be binned

Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

How the hell do Govt expect to get economies of scale and buy IT as an entity when they insist on ridiculously fragmented contracts in order to give an impression of competitive tender. Particularly when the civil servants in charge are incapable of managing complexity

Sorry gents but yoursaying "we expect our suppliers to be joined up" does not relieve you of all risk and responsibility. Your contract, your problem

0
0

Unions urge under-fire HP workers to 'resist' job cuts

Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

Clueless

HP failure is nothing to do with the unions hamstringing management. HP have spent and lost about $50bn on EDS, Autonomy, Palm, Vertica etc in the last 5 years. They have invested nothing to build the services, instead they have ripped out cost without thought about what that cost represents (revenue earning staff) and imposed process to stifle.

$10b spent on Autonomy and they let the entire management team that represents the value of that investment walk away! Outrageous. Palm is quite literally written off in the Touchpad debacle. EDS has had zero investment, they bought it to take the profits but have zero idea of how to use it or build it effectively. Vertica is another one that was bought and the boss left. All were bought as CEO vanity pieces as CEOs, particularly Mark Turd fought to be bigger than IBM. Pointless.

HP is a hardware company but it's products are nothing special. Where is the R&D, where is the innovation? There is none. The two biggest markets right now are Tablets & Smartphones. HP offer neither. Laptops etc are commodity kit, people buy the cheapest not the badge.

Bin the hardware division like IBM did, it's a low margin distraction. Maybe keep servers, but build the Autonomy/EDS Services piece. Set some direction. FFS

0
0

DWP's Work Programme IT already broken at launch

Miss Lincolnshire

What's the common factor in Govt IT disasters?

Government.

Civil Serpents spend more time arse covering and ensuring risk and decision making lies with someone else than anything. It gets very tedious when the CS lead whizzes into rooms for the finger pointing and complaining, demands it's "fixed" and then buggers off quick to avoid being linked with the decision making process.

They like to be told the decision, then they are not liable when things go wrong.

Throw in a large portion of shifting requirement, late funding and more moaning and there you have the Government approach to IT.

Most of them know no more about managing an IT procurement than they would a yard brush procurement

1
0

Dagenham council: Only language our tenants understand is SMS

Miss Lincolnshire
Paris Hilton

why not.....

just get the Chavs to text in to vote for who gets evicted. Innit blud?

Then some tattooed non entity could announce the results live on ITV

3
0

Playboy model's complaints against HP chief Hurd laid bare by court

Miss Lincolnshire
Coat

As an HP employee, rightly or wrongly, I really don't care whether the allegations are true or not. The mere fact that they were the catalyst for removing his cancerous and destructive management style as well as getting his ample snout away from the bonus pot is good enough for me.

0
0

DWP cuts spending with top IT supplier HP by 4%

Miss Lincolnshire
WTF?

oh yes no doubt...

Major Government Department, huge possibility of fallout in the press or even riot by millions not getting their benefits or support allowances etc etc....

Of course it relies entirely on "IT systems designed by managers with no IT experience"

Well done you. Any other wisdom you'd care to share ?

0
0
Miss Lincolnshire
WTF?

Of course .....

Major Government Department. Huge potential for negative press or ultimately civil unrest if systems fail and benefits and allowances aren't paid.

Naturally it relies entirely on poorly specified and maintained, overpriced "IT systems designed by managers with no IT experience" of couse it does, "no doubt".

Any other glib wisdom you'd care to share?

Every citizen of this counry will interact with a DWP system one way or another. And guess what, that costs money.

0
0

Gadget Shop kingpin cuffed in nightclub 'toilet sex' incident

Miss Lincolnshire
Paris Hilton

Unlikely

Sarah Young was a rather athletic 80's "starlet" in Germany. Or so I was told.........

Her dad had an MBE for Industrial services. He never handed that back

0
0

HP dumps Apotheker for Whitman

Miss Lincolnshire
WTF?

kerchinngg

Seeing as ebay are continuing to make a damned sight more in commission on Touchpad sales than HP have managed to write off then maybe the new CEO choice was inevitable

1
0
Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

There's one common factor in all Govt IT cock ups. Civil Servants. Nuff said.

8
1
Miss Lincolnshire
WTF?

So what do we get now?

..................another slash and burn merchant like Hurd? or is she actually going to stabilise and build something worthwhile.

I was quite happy in EDS. What the hell did we do to deserve that we ended up badged as a part of this chaotic mess.

5
1

HP shelves plans to offshore DWP support roles

Miss Lincolnshire
Childcatcher

Weasel Words

Only because the HP jobs aren't technically DWP jobs anymore.

DWP IT jobs ---------> Privatised HP jobs ---------> Indian Jobs = No Offshored DWP Jobs.

Politicians are Weasels

0
0

HP to bring 6,000 more TouchPads to UK - for staff only

Miss Lincolnshire
Mushroom

Don't you believe it

Registration was actually opened up at around 9.15 it seems. You could certainly get to the password bit before it chucked you out. I thought that was because the page was unavailable but it seems it was more likely due to load.

I have seen a number of confirmations of registration timed before 9.20. I'm not one for conspiracy theories but I will be appealing if I don't get one when I registered within the published times at 9.33.

Meanwhile don't anyone hold their breath or bung it on ebay yet

0
0

Misco reaps harvest of rage in Twitter Touchpad debacle

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Down

Not even available on EPP

HP have probably urinated the $1.6bn, spent on Palm, up the wall here. Or lets say £7k per worldwide employee.

Yesterday you could not see them on EPP. This morning there were listed at £106 for a 32GB or £69 for a 16GB version on the EPP site. All a waste of time when HP were out of stock anyway.

So staff get F'all pay rises again as HP try to recoup the loss per unit of over £100, the write off on dev costs of future hardware and potential write off if WebOS doesn't find licencees.

All that and we don't even get first sniff of the bargain.

Mark Turd bought Palm. I hope Leo has a plan and this and the float offf of PSG is a brave decision that makes HP strong rather than the cock up it seems to be right now

1
0

Space shuttle Endeavour's long journey is over

Miss Lincolnshire
Thumb Up

Simple

All they need is a a few pints, some peanuts, their beacon, a towel and a copy of HHGTTG.

1
0

Oracle and life after Larry Ellison

Miss Lincolnshire
Dead Vulture

Larry is God amongst men

They should follow the Pharoahs lead and ensure that Hurd is buried with him when he goes.

Preferably still alive.

2
0

Air steward resigns via emergency chute

Miss Lincolnshire
Pint

Legend

How about prosecuting the passenger for being a dick head?

12
0

Ellison blasts HP 'idiots' for Hurd's exit

Miss Lincolnshire
FAIL

Birds of a feather

Does Ellison treat Oracle like his personal Fiefdom too then?

Hurd falsified expenses and, if you believe the story that he and Fisher have agreed on, didn't even get a jump out of it.

Hurd had to go. It's just a pity it wasn't a lot sooner and that he didn't get to go to jail.

0
0

HP's Hurd quits quickly on sexual harassment probe

Miss Lincolnshire
Welcome

Bye Bye - I'll fetch your coat

£17m? Try $42m in 2008!

The world's greediest autocrat, sorry multi-tasker (President, CEO & Chairman) has gone. The fact that it the allegations include his having made financial mistakes is just the icing on the cake.

I never thought that Mark Hurd would do anything to make me feel like I couldn't wait to get back to work on Monday.

I stand corrected.

2
0

Austrian army cans Benny Hill recruitment ad

Miss Lincolnshire

It's an Armoured Personnel Carrier not a tank

It's a German built Marda APC witha 30mm cannon. It'd definately do the chav's Audi over.

Would have been better with a Leopard 2. That's a seriously good looking tank but wasted on the Austrians and Germans. Our Saxon cousins appear to have lost their bottle a bit since going two nil down in world war success

Can't see anything wrong wth the advert other than it looks like it's been done on the cheap.

0
0

UK HP workers will strike tomorrow

Miss Lincolnshire
Grenade

I'd vote for that

Nationalise the Fuckers? Yes Please

If ITSA hadn't been privatised in the first place then you wouldn't have the problem. And HP would not be charging hundreds of £ per man day for Asian resources that cost 20% of the price while the other 80% goes to California to pay for the CEO's $30m pay packet. That's your tax moneygoing out of the country one way or another

HP made over $30Bn last year. Only about 15 Execs seem to see the rewards

0
0