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* Posts by Robert Ramsay

529 posts • joined 25 Sep 2006

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Three photons can switch an optical beam at 500 GHz

Robert Ramsay
Joke

But...

...what happens if any of the three photons falls out and rolls under the sofa?

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Moto 360: Neat gizmo – if you're a rich nerd

Robert Ramsay

Purposes

since phones are now getting way too big, put it on vibrate and shove it up your arse?

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Wearables market set to EXPLODE... Wait, is that a STRAP-ON chair?

Robert Ramsay

As opposed...

to a chair with a strap-on...

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Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Robert Ramsay

Heh.

"Oh noes! My inalienable right to behave like a dick is being naysayed by the VERY PERSON I'm paying money to see! The horror!"

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eBay bans CD sales of metal band Burzum, citing offensive material

Robert Ramsay

Re: I don't get the complaints about Mien Kampf

Hasn't Boris Johnson said he might be standing again? Just saying.

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PEAK LANDFILL: Why tablet gloom is good news for Windows users

Robert Ramsay

Asus Transformer

...is what you're describing. runs Windows 8.1, comes with Office, has an SD slot for extra storage...

I don't work for Asus, but I do like the machine a lot...

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Microsoft's Black Thursday: XBox Live goes down as XBox Studio canned

Robert Ramsay

Get Indiana Jones

"We have top men working on it."

"Who."

"Top - MEN."

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Virgin Media struck dumb by NATIONWIDE DNS outage

Robert Ramsay

Heh...

I'd forgotten I'd switched over to OpenDNS until I read this story...

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Hey, remember the iPod Touch? Apple just did

Robert Ramsay

I still want my 1TB iPod "Classic"

That is all, thank you.

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Yes. App that lets you say 'Yo' raises 1 MEEELLION DOLLARS

Robert Ramsay

Sign up here...

to provide VC capital for my new app "Fuckoff" - unique chance to get in at the ground floor!

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iOS 8 to PROBE your GUTS and your HOME

Robert Ramsay

Re: Why did I read that as

You're lucky - I ALSO read the guy's name as "Ferenghi"

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Spy back doors? That would be suicide, says Huawei

Robert Ramsay

They didn't say it wasn't true...

...only that no-one had proved it.

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Firefox biz Mozilla makes Beard new interim chief executive

Robert Ramsay

A beard...

Is also a slang term for a woman who a gay man goes around with to throw people off the scent...

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NZ bloke's drunken poker bet ends in 99-letter name

Robert Ramsay

No 16 Bus Shelter

Sadly, it took me a few seconds to realise why you might want to call your child that.

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PM Cameron leaps aboard Internet of Thingies

Robert Ramsay

Share and Enjoy

"Did your robots rebel against you?"

"Oh, no, worse than that - they liked us!"

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'Leaked' iPhone 6 pics will make cool fanbois WEEP - it's a PHABLET

Robert Ramsay

that's what the iWatch is going to be for!

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Apple won't bag HUMUNGOUS 4G deal... 'cos China HATES plastic iPhone 5C – analyst

Robert Ramsay

Glad to hear...

...that the Chinese can tell a rubbish deal when they see one...

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Sky rapped over PREMATURE SEXY CONDOM ad

Robert Ramsay

I thought of Peter Serofinowicz

This voiceover was found to have "heightened the sensual nature of the ad".

"Frrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaan...?"

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Big goolies-grabbing black snake nips unlucky bloke's trouser snake

Robert Ramsay

Glad he was none the worse...

...and I see the Register's obsession with genital mutilation stories is unabated...

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Brit inventors' GRAVITY POWERED LIGHT ships out after just 1 year

Robert Ramsay

I saw it and read "Gravity powered light ships" which is WAY more exciting.

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Google: YouTube fights off HUGE ASCII PHALLUS MENACE

Robert Ramsay

If you want to clean up YouTube...

...you will only do it by eliminating morons.

So let us know how that goes.

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Chinese prof brands gamers no better than drug dealers

Robert Ramsay

Drug dealers?

Drug *users* shurely?

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Om-nom-nom-nom! Google's Cookie Monster DEVOURS MORE DRIVES

Robert Ramsay
Coat

OmNomNom

This means that the operating manual is the dread OmNomNomicron.

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POWER SOURCE that might END humanity's PROBLEMS: A step forward

Robert Ramsay
Happy

"Humanity has briefly achieved artificial fusion reactions, but sadly only in H-bombs"

The advert underneath said "Harness the power of flash"

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Want to BUILD YOUR OWN Tardis? First, get a star and set it spinning...

Robert Ramsay

Dark Matter

Dark matter is the gravitational effect carried over from parallel universes. This leads to the prediction that the "amount" of dark matter measured will increase over time, as universes split and split again with regard to the time axis.

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IT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE! Google's secretive Omega tech just like LIVING thing

Robert Ramsay

Re: Name

I worked for one company where the username format was first name followed by first initial of last name. We had one developer called Chris whose surname initial was T.

"Do not worry about this problem - Christ will fix it"

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Adobe exec puffs cloud shop: Online features are so 'compelling'... What are they again?

Robert Ramsay

It must be terrible

Saying the same rubbish things to people day after day when you know they aren't true, and the only reason to do it this way is purely to make more money.

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HP 100TB Memristor drives by 2018 – if you're lucky, admits tech titan

Robert Ramsay
Coat

Tim Robbins isn't looking well.

<runs away>

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Please, PLEASE, Skype... Don't kill our apps and headsets, plead devs

Robert Ramsay

Obligatory XKCD reference

http://xkcd.com/1172/

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Diamonds are forever POURING down on Jupiter, Saturn - boffins

Robert Ramsay

"It's very uncertain what happens to carbon down there."

To sail the diamond seas of Saturn

A boat of tungsten under me

To know that deep below the land

Metallic hydrogen forms a second sea

Or perhaps the crushing forces

Turn the diamonds into jam

superconducting nanotubes

arrange themselves the best they can

A billion years of buckyballs

that reproduce and stick and spread

Giant neurons, giant brains

A gas giant for a giant head

And one day as old HAL comes cruising

A million miles, drifting by

Following signals most perplexing

The Great Red Spot will open, like an Eye.

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NSA data centre launch delayed as power surges 'melt metal, zap racks'

Robert Ramsay

Re: Lightning in a 2 foot box

Maybe all the people who REALLY knew what had happened have been flash-fried :-)

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Robert Ramsay

Re: I know what's causing it

Annihilating naughty things with bolts of lightning? Isn't that God's usual MO?

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Android adware that MUST NOT BE NAMED threatens MILLIONS

Robert Ramsay

MUST NOT BE NAMED

...is it called Hastur?

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Microsoft's swipe'n'swirl pic passwords LESS secure than PINs, warn researchers

Robert Ramsay

What a load of old correct horse battery staple.

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Torvalds suggests poison and sabotage for ARM SoC designers

Robert Ramsay

Re: Never realized the Reg was so butt hurt.

I'd much rather the something happened to the HR departments.

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Boris Johnson floats idea of 'London visa' to attract tech talent

Robert Ramsay

Tories don't like foreigners staying here too long anyway. I presume these 'visas' will come with an electronic tag?

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Baffled boffins 'closer' to finding origins of extragalactic COSMIC RAYS

Robert Ramsay
Coat

Re: Never mind the physics

It's got cute little green eyes!

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Microsoft announces execution date for failed QR code-killer

Robert Ramsay

Thanks...

...for reminding me of Old Yeller...

*twitch*

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Bug-finder chucked for posting to Zuck

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Up

Re: Facebork

I prefer Fritter and Wastebook...

http://thecaptainbritainblog.wordpress.com/2013/08/14/bonus-post-captain-britain-trash-talks-the-internet-in-avengers-arena-13/

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Comet brand yanked from its grave: Tycoon vows to open EIGHTY new stores

Robert Ramsay

Never trust...

...someone who refers to themselves in the third person.

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'But we like 1 Direction!' Rock gods The Who fend off teen Twitter hate mob

Robert Ramsay
Coat

Re: Well...

...did she go of her own accord? No, wait...

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Superstar cluster-Zuck as Facebook tries out celeb-only edition

Robert Ramsay

Why stop there?

Why not recreate Facebook in a version that is so exclusive, no-one can use it?

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Xbox One users will have to pay extra for Skype and gamer-gratifying DVR

Robert Ramsay

Major Nelson?

That was Larry Hagman in "I Dream of Jeannie"...

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See a young Brit's mobe? 55% chance it has nekkid selfies on it, claims poll

Robert Ramsay

As Renton put it...

"In a thousand years, there's not going to be boys or girls. Just wankers. Fine by me."

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Murdoch machinations mean Microsoft must rename SkyDrive

Robert Ramsay

ArseCloud

sprang instantly to mind.

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UK the 'number 1 target' of online gangsters in 25 countries - e-crime report

Robert Ramsay
Thumb Down

Re: Keith Vaz

He has always been slippery and utterly corrupt. Erm, allegedly.

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Comet ISON seen eructating 300,000km-long methane and CO2 BELCH

Robert Ramsay

Oh - it's in space...

At first sight I thought you meant the defunct electronics and white goods flogger...

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Boffins flip optics to make booster-free superfast fibre

Robert Ramsay
Angel

Re: Is it just me or...

Perhaps they are the only ones putting their hands into their wallets for it...

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Unreal: Epic’s would-be Doom... er... Quake killer

Robert Ramsay

I loved it. And Unreal Tournament too.

Nowadays the games are so realistic you can be as crap at them as you would be in real life.

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BlackBerry's Heins beams: We WILL make some cash, just you see

Robert Ramsay

"Heins beams"

...good one :D

There is a blinds company in Wandsworth whose slogan used to be "Deanz Meanz Blindz"...

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