* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Littlest pirate’s Winnie-the-Pooh laptop on the way home

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

This is how I imigine it happened...

I just love the thought of them raiding the little girls bedroom, then walking out the house with the Whinie The Pooh lappy in a big plastic evidence bag, tossing it into the back of a meat-waggon, then driving back to the impound centre to celebrate their successful operation by gorging on doughnuts and screaming "fuck yeah - woohoo - we kick ass at enforcing copyright!"

Cunts.

15
0

Hold the front page for ETERNITY: Murdoch kills The Daily

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I love how

I love how they say "experiment" when what they really mean is "desperate ill-advised attempt"

Should have put some HD video Page 3 girls in it doing disgusting things with vegetables and farm yard sludge if they were guna charge for it! Duh!

2
0

Staples to offer in-store full color 3D printing service

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!

Oh I thought it was one of these plasticy 3D printers thingys - i didn't bothered reading the article in great detail as I was busy thinking up things I could print out for my slave. It could save me fortunes on dungeon accessories! urm whatever yeah.

And no, its not a gimp, its a slave thank you very much! I do know the difference! The gimp is the one that doesn't leave the basement and has had all its teeth removed, the slave is the one who runs arrens as well as being a bitch!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!

I must remember to send my slave into town so it can pop into Staples and print out it's new custom designed ball gag! And it can pick up some more bulldog clips too as we need to stock up now its "limits" have been pushed!

0
2

El Reg Movember lads sprout mighty Unix beards for cancer charity

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: I cant seem to grow facial hair :o(

Hang on should clarify, I do have facial hair, it just dosnt grow above my lip, so I could probably do a Unix beard (if I was stuck on a desert island for twelve years like that crap film where that bloke has a relationship with a beach-ball) but I couldn't do a tash to go with it!

Glad I cleared that up, otherwise some smart Alec will come along and pull me up/off over it!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I cant seem to grow facial hair :o(

Maybe I should shave some off the area that this scheme is drawing awareness of, and stick it to my face!

Actually, you guys that do like to go streamline down there, whilst shaving is a good time to check for lumps you know!

0
0

YouView: 'Public service catch-up telly should belong to us alone'

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

The bloody cheek

So these wiseguys have crap sells of their over-priced, late to market, set-top box that's just guna end up in a third world landfill site anyway, and their solution is to demand that I can only watch idiots on Dragons Den via iPlayer on their box and not through someone else's box!? The bloody cheek!

YouView - urm no I don't, but YouFail!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

And to add my update - didnt notice that first time round... oops...

...You still fail anyway! Hahahaha

YouView Indeed!

0
0

Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Will the low cost airlines start offering a similar thing but with one of those knock-off KFCs you get in rough parts of town such as KinkyFriedChicken or E.Koli Fried Chicken or whatever they are called?

4
0

Prisoner found with phone + charger in anal cavity

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Ouch

I remember reading, probably on this site actually in another story about phones in the nick, that they often use USB chargers connected to the USB sockets on PS3s or something - then again it might have been a misguided visit to the Daily Mail website as it would probably be them going on about "Convicted Illegal Immigrant Criminals Playing Grand Theft Auto on Playstation at Taxpayers Expense - Is This A New Cure For Cancer?"

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

I think there is a market after all for vibrating 4G butt-plugs! I knew that idea had legs, well rectums at least!

I think Samsung should make it and it should be called the "Samsung Butt-Bitch"

0
0

The Terminator, coming to a reality near you

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I have already invented a way to interface hamsters and electronics - stick a small dynamo on its wheel and use it to charge up my phone! I got a grant from David Cameron to do this as part of the government's energy strategy!

0
0

Data cop slap for Brit text pests

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

Re: "Been buttf***ed in the shower?

LMAO - reminds me of that TV show OZ! I do hope his cell mate doesn't keep a spoon hidden under his mattress! I'd like to see him claim compensation for that!

0
0

US software firm hacked for years after suing China

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: I tried Googling "youth escort"

I like the Dutch version best - Edam Youth Escort!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Good old green dam!

It's nowt to do with it being foreign and from a different culture but everything to do with it being dumb as shit! If it was a good product i'd be cool with the name but it isint, its vile shit! It deserves having the piss taken out of its name in just the same way Apple is totally farty name for a company too - I mean seriously, Apple, what were they smoking? oh yeah, they liked a toke or so I am told, explains it!

Paris, because she also gets accused of cultural insensitivities, but with her its from the French for trashing the name of their capital city!

I'm probably going to be hacked by a French-Chinese, Paris Hilton loving hacker collective now, great!

2
1
LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

Good old green dam!

Am I the only one who pisses themselves laughing whenever I hear the words "green dam youth escort"? It just sounds so silly and wrong!

3
0

Badges for Commentards

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

A sore helmet?

I see an advertising partnership opportunity there for ID Lubricants or KY Jelly to sponsor all purple badges - you Reg guys should get your sales department on to that, especially if there's a competition involved - sorest comentard wins an iPad and a years supply of helmet protector!

I'd be up for entering that!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Yay

That's a great idea - just like the article rating system but for Parisness!

Paris Hilton Audience Level of Liking Unit System or PHALLUS for short!

3
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Yay

I found out about these badges from my email inbox - my first thought when I saw an email about the Register Forums was "oh shit, has Paris Hilton or Apple finally decided to sue me for libel or something?", but then to my joy, it was the best news I have literally had all, well not day, but in last five minuets at least!

My suggestion for additional badges would be one called "P+" which stands for "Paris Positive" for those of us like me who just cant shake her off, so to speak, and always have one working brain cell devoted to finding the Paris Hilton angle on a story. How about it?

0
0

America planned to NUKE THE MOON

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

It was also felt best not to disturb the moon's environment.

Well there is that!

Na fuck it, lets blow the bitch up yee-haa!

This one's for you Paris, baby!

7
2

TVShack O’Dwyer strikes deal to avoid US extradition

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: Orange jumpsuit

There's a really bad joke here too about prolific sex offenders being made to wear orange shell-suits, but I won't say it!

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Orange jumpsuit

What is it with prisoners and Network Rail employees and their orange overalls? It's a bit 1970s that colour for crying out loud!

0
0

Iran's Photoshop FAIL: 'New drone' actually Japanese university bird

LinkOfHyrule
Stop

Re: Those pesky Japanese STEALING from Iran AGAIN!

Actually both pictures have been 'Shopped!

Both countries decided the picture would be greatly enhanced by the addition of a concrete 1970s council housing block in Solihull!

1
0

Google GRINCHES have change of heart, bring back Christmas

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Since the new update...

What I want to know is, why does that People app thingy now have data fields for "RFID Government Tracking Number", "Blood Type", "Body Odour Stink Rating" and most oddly "Fuckability"!?

I'm guessing these are something to do with up-coming services Google will soon be offering!

0
2

Google Adwords scammer charged premium to call NHS Direct

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Two wrongs don't make a right...

Two Wonga.coms don't make a right you mean!

B-boom!

I'll be putting Jimmy Carr out of business with jokes like that! No wonder he's doing adverts for sodding Starbucks now!

0
0

Jubcropgate: El Reg in snake-fondling nude nipslip outrage

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

A friend of mine...

...uses a third party JDA system on their computer to protect the kiddies - totally blocks out pictures of Cherry Bakewells on the Mr Kiplin website!

3
0

4chan founder Moot threatens site for using his handle

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

What about famous bovine rapper Moo-T? How come he's not being sued too!?

1
0

Oprah Winfrey too late to save Microsoft's Windows 8

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

From the Register website, June 1st 2013:

"Ballmer Ballsup Bitch-Slaps Investors Buttocks"

7
1

Wii U disassembly reveals unusual innards

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Gotta hand it to...

...Foxconn - they've done it again!

0
0

Swedish woman cuffed for sex with skeleton SHOCKER

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: "violating the peace of the dead"

Talk about rest in piece(s)!

0
1
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Tip for budding criminals

Do not film your crimes, burn the footage to DVD and then label the discs "My Drug Dealing" or "My First Ponzi Scheme" or "My Necrophilia"....

It just makes it too easy for the cops if they raid your apartment!

17
0

Nintendo downplays Wii U 'hidden control panel' hack fears

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Yoshi's Island Wii U.

That sounds cool! Might have to buy!

On the other hand, that sounds disgusting - Wii U? Wee you? eeewwww sounds like watersports porn or something!

0
0

Lord to sue Twitter users who falsely accused him of abuse

LinkOfHyrule
Go

Gives me an idea...

*goes off and invents "AutoSue" app for iPhone and Android!*

1
0

Omnishambles beats off mummy-porn, becomes English word of 2012

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

WRONG

Their definition of mummy-porn is wrong - I should know as I am very much into Egyptian bondage methods.

5
0

Google, Amazon, Starbucks are 'immoral' and 'ridiculous' over UK tax

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: If something is a bit wonky...

The bank that likes to say "oh fuck yeah"

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

If something is a bit wonky...

...you could describe it as BENT!

Paris because she actually has her breasts registered to an off-shore tax haven!

0
0

SECRET 28 'scientific experts' who Greened the BBC - Revealed!

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: i wonder

It was the other kind of "back room" meeting I think - you know what that lot are like!

1
0

Even a CHILD can make a Trojan to pillage Windows Phone 8

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

That's the great thing about Window Phone

The rapid development abilities for malware writers - one of their biggest developer groups!

1
0

Top prosecutor warns troll-hunting cops not to choke courts

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Heroin smoking FAIL is all

Dude, you're not supposed to smoke the bloody poppy itself!

0
0

Kickstarter kindly allows Brits to channel 95% of their money through it

LinkOfHyrule

Re: why always the tories?

Tory porn is in right now - is that whole master/slave "I'm cutting off your benefits pleb" thing!

Labour porn also could get confused with pregnancy porn too in search results of course!

1
0
LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Finally

I can start my project for a blockbuster porno flick based on the coalition government! Titles I am considering are "A Pleb Amongst the Pigeons" or "Bend Over for David" or "Toff Love"!

I need to raise quite a bit as I am planning on getting Meryl Streep to do a nude scene in her role as Thatcher in a scene set at a backstage after-party during the Conservative Party conference!

I am very confident that Kickstarter is totally the right place to raise funds for this project!

3
3

Jimmy Savile ringtones still selling like hot cakes on iTunes

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Wow, iTune/iPhone

What do you mean "now" lol

1
0

BBC pulls plug Ceefax ahead of analogue TV's end tonight

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

RIP homie

Ceefax was the long legged mack daddy of looking up the news in a hurry - bbc.co.uk is a low level street hooker in comparison when you just need to check the news first thing in the morning to make sure terrorist aint blown the place up, etc!

1
0

Apple loses UK 'Samsung copied us' appeal: Must publicly GROVEL

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Bitch, you got told!

Apple are also bitches, bitch

0
0
LinkOfHyrule
Devil

Bitch, you got told!

See title bitch!

6
1

Anonymous cell: Shove off, credit-hoggers, WE took down HSBC

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

claim fags

As a gay smoker who banks with the Hong Kong and Shanghai this is fucking offensive on many levels.

6
0

Sanitary towel firm's 'CEO' sets traumatised man straight

LinkOfHyrule

Re: 1970's

You should write your autobiography - I'd buy it

1
0

BBC Watchdog crew sink teeth into dodgy PC repair shops

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Company Name

Also any company name with "the" as the first word and/or "helpline" as the last word.

0
0

Ay caramba, Ubuntu 12.10: Get it right on Amazon!

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Bloat

Well to be a Windows replacement it needs to suck just as hard so things like this are what's required so that users get the same kind of user experience!

Paris because she likes to analyze things

3
2

Forums