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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

YouTube's hilarious cat videos could soon cost you $5 a month

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Oh the irony

They are basically copying what X-Tube does then arnt they!

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Google donates 15,000 Raspberry Pis to UK schools

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

What about those 3 pin ICs packaged the same as transistors that play jingle bells? I have never actually seen one but my old electronics GCSE textbook claimed such a thing existed! I'm guessing cheap novelty musical teadybears are full of then!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Should have also given away some LEDs too so that the nippers can make some clichéd electronics projects - Google coloured red, green, blue and yellow ones!

Paris 'cus she's well into flashing things with her good old 555 timers!

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Apple confirms 128GB iPad. A hundred bucks for an extra 64GB

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: What's a 'cum stylus'??

Maybe its a sausage- wern't actual sausages used as styluses by folk in Korea or something a while back on capacitive touch screens phones? Or did I dream that?

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: The only tablet

You don't need to take out a loan to buy the thing - that would be very silly! If you aint got the readies for one, do the sensible thing and do not eat for a couple of years!

You will be both slimmer and have an iPad - Double the coolness!

You need to start thinking smart son, maybe even think different, if you want to be an iPad user!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

equivalent as the back of a fag packet

There's a market here for the fag industry - cig branded tablets!

Bloke in pub: "Mate, I'll show you that new dodad I knocked up in AutoCAD on my 20GB Benson & Hedges GoldPad"

Could even have an e-cig cum stylus accessory to go with it!

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Berners-Lee says snoop law could see spies blackmail soldiers

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

“it is your duty as a geek to innovate.”

I have an idea to help out those teenagers who need to look up "health advice" - I call my idea "PPP Hotspots" the PPP standing for "Public Porn Point" - its simply an open wireless hotspot for the public to do anon porn surfing away from their own connections! It's innovative because despite being old tech its got a new name!

Joking aside, fuck you governtards! Wanting to look at my web usage, bunch of sickos!

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Lotus 1-2-3 turns 30: Mitch Kapor on the Google before Google

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Good Thing It Wasn't Apple

Surely the cells of an Apple spreadsheet would be comprised of rounded rectangles, no?

By the way, loving these old war stories - Reg, do more oldskool business like this please, makes a good read for us young'uns who wern't even born when half this shit went down!

Paris because she loves a bit of the old DOS

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Dotcom says German authors' society canned Mega launch vid

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Internet sensations like Gangnam Style were blocked

I think these guys might be all-right after-all!

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Mobes, web filth 'PORNIFYING' our kids, warns top Labour MP

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

female equivalent of Keth Vaz.

Damn that's stingingly harsh! But true!

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LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

pornified

Forget pornified or even hornified - I'm yawnified!

If you want a proper debate love, then use proper words! I take it your language skills have been corrupted from watching Tweenies Savile porn or something?

Jeeze!

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Greedy Sky admits: We crippled broadband with TOO MANY users

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

The Sky's the limit!!!!

And that limit is about 0.8Mbps

b-boom tish groan etc

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Entire Reg readership would fill 205 Olympic-sized swimming pools

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

1.66 elephants per minute

I do hope you guys don't wee in swimming pools - if not we're all going to drown pretty damn quick!

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Lloyds TSB, Halifax tech stumbles into the cold, goes titsup for hours

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"something from the weekend"

Uuggghhhhhh! I wish people would dispose of them properly! Yuk!

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Japanese boffins tout infrared specs to thwart facial recognition

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

I think I'll stick to my rubber gimp hood, to at least save myself looking like a cyberpunk Elton John when my pic is taken like that dude in the picture does wearing those things!

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This week's BBC MELTDOWN: Savile puppet haunts kids' TV

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

sat playing Grand Theft Auto

That's terrible! Grand Theft Auto is such an old and shit game - I think he should upgrade to one of the more recent ones with 3D graphics!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Bungle costume at a party in London one weekend

That was ITV not BBC!

You should post what happened on one of those "furry fursuit sex websites" that I have heard of that a friend told me about.

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Vibrator guru on pleasure tech: 'Of all the places you'd want a quality UI....'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Support

Bluetooth STDs

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LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

If it runs Android then I hope they also bring out an inflatable electric sheep too!

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Biz users, hard-up punters: Nobody loves Windows 8

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

they colluded with intel

Intel CEO's phone rings in the middle of the night...

Riiiing "uurrrmm hello, who is this at this unsightly hour???"

"It's me, Ballmer! Listen dude, don't tell Apple or Lenovo or anyone, but we want to make Windows 8 faster than XP and we need your help! Are you in or out?"

Intel CEO: *pauses momentarily* "You betcha ass baby! woohoo fuck yeah!"

Ballmer: "Oh yes, we're the guys! Wintel fuck yeah for the win!!!"

That's exactly how it happened!

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Mozilla to Adobe: PDFs don't need no more steenking plugins

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

They are "scum *S*ucking fuckers", not "scum *F*ucking fuckers"!

Duly noted!

I take it I wont be marked A* then? - or should that be F* ?

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Why would you want to view a pdf in the browser anyway?

Exactly, such as in my example earlier, people sometimes just want to check what day the dustmen are coming to collect the trash aka rat-feeder, hence why they say "oh for fucks sake" when their browser slows the heck up to load a plug in!

Downloading the info then opening up the reader app separately will certainly result in even more swearing - probably something like "oh for fucks sake this is seriously fucking fucky! - I fucking hate Adobe! - the bunch of fucking bastards! - I wish they would all just do a cult style suicide pact and drink bleach and cyanide and spare us from this endless shit! - bunch of fucking sub human fuck scum fucking fuckers!"

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LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Peedy-eff!

I love how when someone is having a browse on the internet, maybe looking up some info on the local council website or something, and they blindly click a link to a PDF file, and expecting a normal HTML page to load, you suddenly hear them say "oh for fucks sake" under their breath as the adobe plug-in slowly loads up!

This news will make Firefox users slightly more productive and swear less - I support it fully!

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Apple rubbishes rumours of iPhone for the masses

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I don't know why you are so surprised...

...There's an app called iDose - its used by many smackheads to make sure they don't OD - its the market leading smackhead app and its only available on iOS!

The firm that makes it also does one for the iPad that turns it into a handy mirror to snort lines of coke off from too!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Pretty unlikely

Apple are going to make an iPhone nano - an iPhone with no screen! It only does calls - you say to it "Siri, call work" and it calls 999

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: High End

Mercedes do buses dude - literally they carry masses of people!

I'd love Apple to make a bus - it'd be funny as hell seeing their shiny round cornered bus plastered in a puke green Arriva Buses livery and trundling round the back streets of council estates all day long. I think its the perfect image for them.

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Raise a beer: Titans of tech fill out 'Worst CEOs' list

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

The hoodie was disrespectful to investors, the professor said.

or "suckers" as Zuck calls them!

Mine's the hoody, bitch!

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China censors chat users outside China

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Tencent

Tencent - I'm a big fan of his - love that "mother fucking P-I-M-P" tune!

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Time has already run out for smart watches

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"watchmakers like Cockoo, Martian and I'm Watch"

"I'm Watch, and me tell you the time!"

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Amazon puts up CD rack in the cloud, unearths your OLD stuff too

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Re: I knew someone who got fucked by the Plays For Sure shutdown.

I bet they were fucked for sure!

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Your post which got most Thumbs Up

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

I think my most thumbed post was one I did slagging off ATOS which got removed for legal reasons!

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Japanese cops cuff cat carrying remote control virus

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

OMGZ LOL CATS IN RL

There's no escaping those pesky buggers now - gone are the days when it was only blog sites and forums with silly cat pictures you had to worry about - now the buggers are stalking your street and carrying a payload of windows virus round their necks to boot!

Talk about "I iz underz your desk, installing meh malwarez!" - this shit just got real!

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MEGAGRAPH: 1983's UK home computer chart toppers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Worst. Graph. Ever.

I like the mock-up of what a fully integrated and hugely expanded London Underground network will eventually look like!

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Al Jazeera buys Al Gore's Current TV news network

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Current

I always thought it was one of those marketing channels for a company that produced currants or something?

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'Shake to charge', similar crapps foul up Amazon Android store

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Shaking works!

When the telly remote starts playing up, plonk the batteries out, rub 'em, shake 'em swap them over and shout "oh for fucks sake will you work you fucking bugger fuckers!" and they always work again for another couple of channel changes! So don't dis this shake to charge app guys, its magic yeah! It works!

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Facebook tests feature to let strangers pay to message you

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

As long as...

As long as the Register don't charge me to make crap jokes such as this on their forums, I will continue to be a happy bunny!

Hahaha facebook thinks it Royal Mail or something, this is like buying a stamp - maybe they will do a first class version that gets to the inbox quicker, or maybe if you are offline, they will plonk your messages in someone else's inbox!

Idiots, they'd be charging their users for air next! Special facebook air that smells of Mark's farts, bitch!

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Police use 24/7 power grid recordings to spot doctored audio

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Re: heard this one on the reg >2 years ago

Me too! Thumbs up coward!

I also heard this on R4 and I thought to myself "That's that thingy I read about on the Register yonks ago!"

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Court ruling means Kim Dotcom can sue NZ spooks

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Thanks for clearing up the badge thing.

I don't get it why this silly comment of mine got so trashed in the votes but my other silly ones from the same day were so high - bunch of Megaupload fanbois! lol

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: He should sue himself...

I'm not going to sue myself for that! I have a 85% success rate - just because this one is getting thrashed in the voting - most of my total bollocks gets upvotes!

I'm simply catering to the target market of this site!

You win some and lose some!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

He should sue himself...

...for having a stupid surname!

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John McAfee blogs from Guatemalan jail, says coffee excellent

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: SRB?

They should team up together - just imagine him being sent to a newly privatised "Virgin Jail" LMAO

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Forget blogs, how about a new social network...

JailBook! The worlds number-one criminal networking service!

Then Microsoft comes along and invents bng.up (pronounced "banged up")

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McAfee seeks asylum in Guatemala

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: WTF?

Well if he does decide to hide in an embassy, I hope if he does a press conference he uses a more impressive balcony/window than that one Assange used! I was disappointed to say the least, it looked like a sort suburban Nuremberg Rally!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I heard this chap on the radio news earlier today - he was complaining that the authorities have a grudge against him and keep setting him up for various crimes he says he didn't commit. I imagine its a disgruntled senior government employee behind it if its true, who just cant let it go over all the shit those annoying McAfee update messages have caused over the years!

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Microsoft’s so.cl network now open to all

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

*Theme music from Trainspotting plays*

sofail, SoCal, so Graham Norton, so-so, sow seeds, sew badges on to your boxer shorts that say "I LUV WINDOWS ME", so get a big fucking television, so-fas half price at DFS, so what, dont use so.cl instead GET A LIFE!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

so.cl (pronounced “social “)

Sorry but I insist on pronouncing it "sockle" and no amount of embarrassing PR by Microsoft will change that!

A bit like how I overhead two blokes in a shop the other week - one said to other "I don't use Google, I use Bing!" I nearly pissed myself, just the way he said it so enthusiastically, like he was in TV advert for Microsoft or something! It's not cool to admit things like that in public dude!

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The Times offers subsidised Nexus 7s to get subscribers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I just had an idea...

...the Register should do this exact same deal - 18 months at 4 quid a week with a free Nexus thingmabob and exclusive access to a new online service called "The Register Extra Paris" - Its the Register you know and sort of love but with exclusive photos of Paris using tech gear in an unconventional manner to visually illustrate each article!

Just imagine, breaking news about the latest Apple product hits and to really give the story the impact a modern tablet savy audience needs, there's a huge jpeg of Paris doing a bit of the old pinch to zoom using only the sequins on her $500,000 designer brassiere!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

There is, its called buying a Nexus 7 at normal price to read the news on news.bbc.co.uk and of course the Register! It actually makes him cry because even if you would have never read the Times anyway, he sees you as part of "the problem". And yes those tears are real, poor Ru, no one wants to read his papers anymore because some nasty men invented the internet boohooblaahaaa!

Paris because her bits are just as happy being splashed all over a tablet as they are over pulped dead trees!

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Operation Hunt the Hunter: Anonymous targets 'revenge porn' man

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Revenge Porn at your local licensed sex shop

Its a new genre - last night I watched one which was a piss take of Kill Bill called "Kill Dil-do", was really good!

Yes I know this joke is both crap and in bad taste but that's no reason to set anonathingy on my ass!

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Lovefilm does a Wii after rival gets loaded on new Nintendo

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

ooh matron!

I don't have time to play my with my wii much *sniggers*

Ironically, I will probably one day fall down the stairs and brake all my bones, as you do, well as I do!, and will have weeks and weeks with bugger all to do but the only game console I own requires lots of wiggling about which isint easy to do with your limbs in plaster! So maybe Netflix and Lovefilm will mean at least the wii will have some use during that time, but I'll have to call matron to navigate the menus for me!

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