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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

25% of Groupon share value WIPED OUT after rates slashed

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Just been on there to look at todays best deals...

...same old stuff really: 50% off a fish foot-spa treatment, 70% off a 'celebrity experience' evening at a top London night club with Alan Tichmarsh, 65% off gastric bypasses... but what really caught my eye was this: 25% off Groupon shares!

Seems like a good deal to me!

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Daily Wail Memejackers pwned

LinkOfHyrule
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Sod that - imagine spending months of your life in and out of court with a load of DM people and their lawyers.

Maybe just a caption that says "The Daily Mail thinks Romanians are great and we highly recommend that all our readers enter into gay marriages with as many Eastern Europeans as possible in order to strengthen the EU economy!"

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LinkOfHyrule
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Hehe classic! Shame I missed this it sounds funny!

If it had of been my site they'd nicked a pic off, I'd have made an image with text in the same font and size saying something really libellous (but only in the context of it appearing on their page) or admitting that DM hacks like to do naughty things or something!

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Jimmy Wales: 'I'm Wikipedia's monarch'

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New social network is for DEAD PEOPLE

LinkOfHyrule
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Trollface

Third joke about this story from me - I'm on a roll baby! or just bored / a sad git

New twitter rip off for dead people - Harper its called (harp as in what angels play) - their version of tweets are called 'harps' and its customary to describe someone who harps a lot as "harping on a lot" or to say "what's he harping on about now?". Of course its all 'cloud' based to boot!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Terminator

They are also planning on doing an IM network for the departed too, based on ICQ, called ICdeadppl

I imagine it will only be popular with people who died before 2002 though!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

I thought myspace was already a dead social network do we really need another?

Boom-boom-tish waah waah waaaaaahhhhh

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BBC World Service in a jam as China blocks broadcasts

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Don't understand the downvote, have an upvote, Sir :)

I don't mind the odd downvote or six - my votes are up and down like Paris's knickers anyway!

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LinkOfHyrule
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WTF?

Re: Reporting from inside the prc

Be careful what you wish for - if the Chinese did suck your cock, all 1.something BILLION of them, you'd be red raw with nothing but a fleshy lolly stick of a knob by the time they've finished.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Oh the irony

They are moaning about someone else censoring their output - how about you remove those black rectangles from that Savil report thingy before you start whining like bitches about this eh!

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North Korean citizens told: Socialist haircuts are a thing... go get some

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

Who said the 1979 Autumn/Winter version of the Freeman's catalogue wasn't still setting the trends! Just look at those mugshots!

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Mobile TV is BACK: Ericsson launches broadcast video for 4G

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

LOLCATZ TEEVEEZ

Plonk a 24 hour stream of the current top 50 cat videos doing the rounds on there and it will be basically be Youtube.

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BBC's new bosses - the lawyers - strike out Savile probe testimony

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: What Paxo shoud do

And you just know those black rectangles are hiding some really good shit from Paxman. Bloody BBC bastards!

Paris because you don't have a Paxo icon but they both begin with a P so its kind of a redacted version of a Paxo icon in a sense, sort of!

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'Bah, this Apple Shop is full of APPLES'

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

He's missing a track here!

Don't change the bloody name - instead get a local scrumpy maker to do some fanboi themed ciders and up-sell it to the irate and confused callers looking for fondleslab fixes!

I have suggestions for the name of this fruity new scrump; Jobsworth, iPissed, Giz-a-Jobs, Olde Steve, BlowJobs, One Eyed Mouse, FireWire Port, Gooey GUI, Siri-ously Strong Cider (Export Super Tramp Strength),

and last but not least a really poor quality industrially made tipple called Windows 3.1 for Piss Artists!

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Kiwi cops to buy 6,500 iPhones, 3,900 iPads

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Put the ipads on traffic duty

Lay a load of them across the carriage way, they will make great speed bumps! Also known as "Sleeping Policemen"!

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Ask Google this impossible question, get web filth as a reward

LinkOfHyrule
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WTF?

Re: Ask Jeeves is "currently experiencing an unusually large number of Web searches"

Yeah right! I find it hard to believe they have had a large number of searches this side of 2002

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Get up, shake off the hangover: These 57 Microsoft holes won't fix themselves

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

57 vulnerabilities

That is Heinz's new slogan for their new ketchup made with raw ingredients from a compromised food chain - it has 57 opportunities throughout the production process for horse-meat to find its way in!

Bloody Microsoft nicking other peoples ideas again! They'll be putting horses in Windows phones next just to get publicity!

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Opera joins Google/Apple in-crowd with shift to WebKit and Chromium

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Only Redmond left drinking out of own browser plumbing

He said they are the only major player with a closed source rendering thingymabob did he not?

Maybe your browser didn't render the text properly and you missed that bit?

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Recipe for a bad day: 'State-backed hackers are attacking your PC'

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

“state-sponsored attackers”

It reminds me of those PBS TV shows that are "underwritten" or "sponsored" by companies and organisations...

"This hacking attempt is brought to you by - North Korea! For all your nuclear testing needs you can rely on North Korea! Part of the Axis of Evil group of countries."

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Love in the time of the internet: A personal memoir

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

My advice would be

If he/she mentions Western Union - RUN!

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Dish boss on ad-skipping service: 'I don’t want to kill ads'

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

Re: Dish was like Indiana Jones

I didn't have to worry about ad breaks back in the Betamax days - the only programme I was recording was Thomas The Tank Engine and it didn't have any ad breaks!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Dish was like Indiana Jones

What a bit 80s? hahaha I'm on fire today!

Joking aside it is a bit 80s really skipping the ads - just like good old Betamax!

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Tesla vs Media AGAIN as Model S craps out on journo - on the highway

LinkOfHyrule
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Trollface

Well that's the trouble with milkfloats init!

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#Forwhy: American Express lets you pay by tweet

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Not obviously stupid no, I wouldn't say that. But it is stupid!

Examples of why...

Accounts being hacked, making a fool of yourself by tweating that you brought Findus ready-meals on valentines day, marketers using the info in your feed to spam you with targeted crap, boring people with your purchases.

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LinkOfHyrule
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WTF?

Sending financial transactions through not only an unencrypted but a publicly accessible channel - what could possibly go wrong with that!?

Why not just send people's other personal shit like medical info via twiiter too? Example...

"@Paris - Your results are now available #std #testresults #hasgotclap"

Jeeze!

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BT copper-cable choppers cop 16 months in the cooler

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Maybe the Bill need to set up a dedicated task force to tackle this crime. The officers working in this specialist unit could be called "Copper Coppers" hahaha

Paris because she likes a boy in blue to take down her particulars!

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Dead Steve Jobs 'made Tim Cook sue Samsung' from beyond the grave

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: Is there anybody there?

This is almost exactly what happened - it actually spelt out "Susan Sung Well On Britains Got Talent" but they were so preoccupied with the idea of suing them they chose to read into it what they wanted to hear!

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Playmobil punts bank-heist set to wide-eyed kiddies

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

This was actually meant to be a licensed product - it's based on the little known ITV drama series "Daylight Robbery" from fifteen years ago staring Michelle Collins! Its really big in Germany that show and the blonde bird with the shooter is meant to be Ms Collins herself in her role as a young mother turning to bank jobs to pay her gas bill! It's a good likeness I'm sure you will agree, they really know how to injection mould soap stars those Playmobil guys!

They were also planning on doing a similar Thelma and Louise playset complete with convertible car and convenience store but alas they lost the licences for both so instead we ended up with this generic "City Action" set. Such a shame!

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Big Windows updates may ship this summer – and every summer

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

I can't wait for...

Windows ME Turbo HD Hyper Horsemeat Edition!!!!

Paris because of the horsemeat reference!

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Google Drives into web hosting

LinkOfHyrule
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WTF?

Re: Dodging dog turds while blindfold

Basic arthmatic? Yeah cos that comes in handy when you lose on the first go dont it! No sorry but that game is silly and dull.

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Dodging dog turds while blindfold

AKA Minesweeper!

I'm sure this service will be a useful way to host phishing websites to get peoples Google logins so thumbs up to Google!

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Don't Menshn the snore: Chick-lit queen's jabber site killed in its sleep

LinkOfHyrule
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Holmes

Well it's a great shame

Personally I was hoping for it to die spectacularly, maybe some sort of armed siege or a big ass fine from information commissioner or a funny hacking fiasco - to hear that its gone titsup just because that Mench woman is full of cyber shit is very disappointing but then again, hardly surprising!

I do worry about the users though - I'm sure this thing was keeping them off the streets and out of trouble!

Icon - cyber Sherlock!

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South Koreans pawn shiny tech for stress-free loans

LinkOfHyrule
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Happy

I wonder if there is a Korean tech news site out there reporting on the UK's rising market for pawn shops too?

Apparently there is a demand here in Surrey for a sort of "Waitrose cum Cash Converters" type pawnbrokers that dish out dosh in return for fine wine collections and sports cars! It was on Newsnight a few months ago so it must be true, its not like that programme makes shit up or anything!

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What happened to the link to the Hardware site?

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Indeed, they need to add a line of text saying "Comments disabled, bitch" or something. Saying that though, why would comments be disabled on a story about the R pi?

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Apple serves up 25 BEEELLIONTH iTunes download

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: You've been sexting again haven't you.....

Well I thought I would give it a go based on Diane Abbott's recent advertising campaign for it!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Well fart sounds aren't that far below the quality of most pop music today :)

Dubstep is often mistaken for heavy flatulence with all that "wobble bass"

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LinkOfHyrule
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Mushroom

And don't forget the long awaited (to iTunes at least after all the reluctance to digital downloads by the rights owners) "Sgt Pepperoni's Lonely Farts Band"!!!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Was it really "Monkey Drums"???

Not that I am accusing the marketing people of this song of doing a sly deal with Apple or anything but can you imagine if the 25 BEEEELIONTH download was something like "A Lovers Audio Guide to Anal Beads and How to Use Them" - do you really think Apple would be all gun ho about announcing that as their milestone download?

No neither do I !!!!!

PS - it's a good informative guide that! I can highly recommend it!*

*Not really I made it up for the purposes of "humour"

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Profitless internet biz Pinterest seeks $2.5 BILLION valuation

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Thanks for the heads up!

Never even heard of them before! Thanks for the heads up though - I will remember to forget about their website as soon as possible!

Paris because she has been known to pin up her cupcakes for all to see!

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Shocked Zynga investors get a penny per share

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Re: A friend of mine...

Either that or Bitcoins!

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LinkOfHyrule
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FAIL

Re: A friend of mine...

Bugger someone further up made a similar joke - oh well don't complain people, think of it as buy one get one free but with virtual goods that you didn't actually buy - just like what Zynga do!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

A friend of mine...

...owns some of their shares - last year he had dividends paid to him in virtual turnips!

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Microsoft 'touches 16k shop workers' to flog Windows 8 hard

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

"very touch centric"

Eeewww, I thought we were beyond this kind of work place harassment in this day and age!

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BANG and the server's gone: Man gets 8 months for destroying work computers

LinkOfHyrule
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Coffee/keyboard

It is not funny what this bloke did but it was very funny reading about it! Very odd, I would have used Tesco Value bog cleaner myself as its cheaper.

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Android gets tipsy on Wine, runs WINDOWS apps

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

running on a Mac which was itself running an Android emulator

What would happen if you ran inside the Windows a virtualised Mac OS - does the world slowly and painfuly end or something?

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Rotund Mega baron Dotcom offers bounty for breaking his crypto

LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

Mega Hurts

It just wont be the same ever again without all the uploaded movies, TV shows, warez and porn.

I suggest branching out into new industries instead - maybe a Kickstarter rip-off called Mega Beggar?

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We're not making this up: Apple trademarks the SHOP

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: concentration of pillocks among staff and customers.

"The Apple shops are very different to all others. There's a far higher concentration of pillocks among staff and customers."

Wow, did you enter a cheat for getting lots of upvotes or something or do only Apple haters read stories about Apple?

P.S. Fuck Apple lol

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Microsoft: Old Internet Explorer is terrible and 'we want to help'

LinkOfHyrule
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Joke

Re: Ha Ha Ha... bite me!

Windows 8 tiles are everwhere these days!

I even saw them in someone's kitchen!! They'd gone for that oh so funky late 90s multicoloured silly pattern type vibe that Windows 8 does too - only the tiles were slightly rounded in the corners unlike Win8 with its "trying to make lazy design cool by making everything flatter than a roadkill hedgehog" motif!

I must admit though, I just wanted to touch the heck out of that kitchen wall, MS are really on to something here, I just had a desperate urge to stroke those tiles senseless! So Win8 gets the finger up from me you could say! I think it will revolutionise the way we think about inputting stuff into computers and domestic kitchen design for weeks to come!

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LinkOfHyrule
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Paris Hilton

The Microsoft Way™

WTF is that? Sounds like the name of some naff self-help personal training and life coaching solution sold via a late night infomercial!

You CAN suceed when you do it The Microsoft Way™! Call now and all this can be yours on ten audio cassettes for only £199 plus shipping and handling! Call now and and start living your life The Microsoft Way!!!!

Eeewww

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Wii-U boat torpedoes Nintendo's '¥20bn profit' into ¥20bn loss

LinkOfHyrule
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I still have some Wii games I intend to play but I rarely feel in the mood to play games these days so might take a decade or so to get round to it - heck I have some Gamecube games I intend to play too and I need the old Will as this new fangled one wont play the buggers!

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