1512 posts • joined Friday 11th December 2009 10:15 GMT
Re: Bungle costume at a party in London one weekend
That was ITV not BBC!
You should post what happened on one of those "furry fursuit sex websites" that I have heard of that a friend told me about.
If it runs Android then I hope they also bring out an inflatable electric sheep too!
they colluded with intel
Intel CEO's phone rings in the middle of the night...
Riiiing "uurrrmm hello, who is this at this unsightly hour???"
"It's me, Ballmer! Listen dude, don't tell Apple or Lenovo or anyone, but we want to make Windows 8 faster than XP and we need your help! Are you in or out?"
Intel CEO: *pauses momentarily* "You betcha ass baby! woohoo fuck yeah!"
Ballmer: "Oh yes, we're the guys! Wintel fuck yeah for the win!!!"
That's exactly how it happened!
They are "scum *S*ucking fuckers", not "scum *F*ucking fuckers"!
I take it I wont be marked A* then? - or should that be F* ?
I don't know why you are so surprised...
...There's an app called iDose - its used by many smackheads to make sure they don't OD - its the market leading smackhead app and its only available on iOS!
The firm that makes it also does one for the iPad that turns it into a handy mirror to snort lines of coke off from too!
Re: High End
Mercedes do buses dude - literally they carry masses of people!
I'd love Apple to make a bus - it'd be funny as hell seeing their shiny round cornered bus plastered in a puke green Arriva Buses livery and trundling round the back streets of council estates all day long. I think its the perfect image for them.
The hoodie was disrespectful to investors, the professor said.
or "suckers" as Zuck calls them!
Mine's the hoody, bitch!
Re: Why would you want to view a pdf in the browser anyway?
Exactly, such as in my example earlier, people sometimes just want to check what day the dustmen are coming to collect the trash aka rat-feeder, hence why they say "oh for fucks sake" when their browser slows the heck up to load a plug in!
Downloading the info then opening up the reader app separately will certainly result in even more swearing - probably something like "oh for fucks sake this is seriously fucking fucky! - I fucking hate Adobe! - the bunch of fucking bastards! - I wish they would all just do a cult style suicide pact and drink bleach and cyanide and spare us from this endless shit! - bunch of fucking sub human fuck scum fucking fuckers!"
I love how when someone is having a browse on the internet, maybe looking up some info on the local council website or something, and they blindly click a link to a PDF file, and expecting a normal HTML page to load, you suddenly hear them say "oh for fucks sake" under their breath as the adobe plug-in slowly loads up!
This news will make Firefox users slightly more productive and swear less - I support it fully!
Re: I knew someone who got fucked by the Plays For Sure shutdown.
I bet they were fucked for sure!
OMGZ LOL CATS IN RL
There's no escaping those pesky buggers now - gone are the days when it was only blog sites and forums with silly cat pictures you had to worry about - now the buggers are stalking your street and carrying a payload of windows virus round their necks to boot!
Talk about "I iz underz your desk, installing meh malwarez!" - this shit just got real!
When the telly remote starts playing up, plonk the batteries out, rub 'em, shake 'em swap them over and shout "oh for fucks sake will you work you fucking bugger fuckers!" and they always work again for another couple of channel changes! So don't dis this shake to charge app guys, its magic yeah! It works!
As long as...
As long as the Register don't charge me to make crap jokes such as this on their forums, I will continue to be a happy bunny!
Hahaha facebook thinks it Royal Mail or something, this is like buying a stamp - maybe they will do a first class version that gets to the inbox quicker, or maybe if you are offline, they will plonk your messages in someone else's inbox!
Idiots, they'd be charging their users for air next! Special facebook air that smells of Mark's farts, bitch!
Re: heard this one on the reg >2 years ago
Me too! Thumbs up coward!
I also heard this on R4 and I thought to myself "That's that thingy I read about on the Register yonks ago!"
Re: Thanks for clearing up the badge thing.
I don't get it why this silly comment of mine got so trashed in the votes but my other silly ones from the same day were so high - bunch of Megaupload fanbois! lol
Re: He should sue himself...
I'm not going to sue myself for that! I have a 85% success rate - just because this one is getting thrashed in the voting - most of my total bollocks gets upvotes!
I'm simply catering to the target market of this site!
You win some and lose some!
They should team up together - just imagine him being sent to a newly privatised "Virgin Jail" LMAO
Forget blogs, how about a new social network...
JailBook! The worlds number-one criminal networking service!
Then Microsoft comes along and invents bng.up (pronounced "banged up")
Well if he does decide to hide in an embassy, I hope if he does a press conference he uses a more impressive balcony/window than that one Assange used! I was disappointed to say the least, it looked like a sort suburban Nuremberg Rally!
I heard this chap on the radio news earlier today - he was complaining that the authorities have a grudge against him and keep setting him up for various crimes he says he didn't commit. I imagine its a disgruntled senior government employee behind it if its true, who just cant let it go over all the shit those annoying McAfee update messages have caused over the years!
*Theme music from Trainspotting plays*
sofail, SoCal, so Graham Norton, so-so, sow seeds, sew badges on to your boxer shorts that say "I LUV WINDOWS ME", so get a big fucking television, so-fas half price at DFS, so what, dont use so.cl instead GET A LIFE!
so.cl (pronounced “social “)
Sorry but I insist on pronouncing it "sockle" and no amount of embarrassing PR by Microsoft will change that!
A bit like how I overhead two blokes in a shop the other week - one said to other "I don't use Google, I use Bing!" I nearly pissed myself, just the way he said it so enthusiastically, like he was in TV advert for Microsoft or something! It's not cool to admit things like that in public dude!
I just had an idea...
...the Register should do this exact same deal - 18 months at 4 quid a week with a free Nexus thingmabob and exclusive access to a new online service called "The Register Extra Paris" - Its the Register you know and sort of love but with exclusive photos of Paris using tech gear in an unconventional manner to visually illustrate each article!
Just imagine, breaking news about the latest Apple product hits and to really give the story the impact a modern tablet savy audience needs, there's a huge jpeg of Paris doing a bit of the old pinch to zoom using only the sequins on her $500,000 designer brassiere!
There is, its called buying a Nexus 7 at normal price to read the news on news.bbc.co.uk and of course the Register! It actually makes him cry because even if you would have never read the Times anyway, he sees you as part of "the problem". And yes those tears are real, poor Ru, no one wants to read his papers anymore because some nasty men invented the internet boohooblaahaaa!
Paris because her bits are just as happy being splashed all over a tablet as they are over pulped dead trees!
Revenge Porn at your local licensed sex shop
Its a new genre - last night I watched one which was a piss take of Kill Bill called "Kill Dil-do", was really good!
Yes I know this joke is both crap and in bad taste but that's no reason to set anonathingy on my ass!
I don't have time to play my with my wii much *sniggers*
Ironically, I will probably one day fall down the stairs and brake all my bones, as you do, well as I do!, and will have weeks and weeks with bugger all to do but the only game console I own requires lots of wiggling about which isint easy to do with your limbs in plaster! So maybe Netflix and Lovefilm will mean at least the wii will have some use during that time, but I'll have to call matron to navigate the menus for me!
This is how I imigine it happened...
I just love the thought of them raiding the little girls bedroom, then walking out the house with the Whinie The Pooh lappy in a big plastic evidence bag, tossing it into the back of a meat-waggon, then driving back to the impound centre to celebrate their successful operation by gorging on doughnuts and screaming "fuck yeah - woohoo - we kick ass at enforcing copyright!"
I love how
I love how they say "experiment" when what they really mean is "desperate ill-advised attempt"
Should have put some HD video Page 3 girls in it doing disgusting things with vegetables and farm yard sludge if they were guna charge for it! Duh!
Re: This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!
Oh I thought it was one of these plasticy 3D printers thingys - i didn't bothered reading the article in great detail as I was busy thinking up things I could print out for my slave. It could save me fortunes on dungeon accessories! urm whatever yeah.
And no, its not a gimp, its a slave thank you very much! I do know the difference! The gimp is the one that doesn't leave the basement and has had all its teeth removed, the slave is the one who runs arrens as well as being a bitch!
Re: I cant seem to grow facial hair :o(
Hang on should clarify, I do have facial hair, it just dosnt grow above my lip, so I could probably do a Unix beard (if I was stuck on a desert island for twelve years like that crap film where that bloke has a relationship with a beach-ball) but I couldn't do a tash to go with it!
Glad I cleared that up, otherwise some smart Alec will come along and pull me up/off over it!
I cant seem to grow facial hair :o(
Maybe I should shave some off the area that this scheme is drawing awareness of, and stick it to my face!
Actually, you guys that do like to go streamline down there, whilst shaving is a good time to check for lumps you know!
The bloody cheek
So these wiseguys have crap sells of their over-priced, late to market, set-top box that's just guna end up in a third world landfill site anyway, and their solution is to demand that I can only watch idiots on Dragons Den via iPlayer on their box and not through someone else's box!? The bloody cheek!
YouView - urm no I don't, but YouFail!
And to add my update - didnt notice that first time round... oops...
...You still fail anyway! Hahahaha
Will the low cost airlines start offering a similar thing but with one of those knock-off KFCs you get in rough parts of town such as KinkyFriedChicken or E.Koli Fried Chicken or whatever they are called?
This is a handy service for all sections of the community to use!
I must remember to send my slave into town so it can pop into Staples and print out it's new custom designed ball gag! And it can pick up some more bulldog clips too as we need to stock up now its "limits" have been pushed!
I remember reading, probably on this site actually in another story about phones in the nick, that they often use USB chargers connected to the USB sockets on PS3s or something - then again it might have been a misguided visit to the Daily Mail website as it would probably be them going on about "Convicted Illegal Immigrant Criminals Playing Grand Theft Auto on Playstation at Taxpayers Expense - Is This A New Cure For Cancer?"
I have already invented a way to interface hamsters and electronics - stick a small dynamo on its wheel and use it to charge up my phone! I got a grant from David Cameron to do this as part of the government's energy strategy!
I think there is a market after all for vibrating 4G butt-plugs! I knew that idea had legs, well rectums at least!
I think Samsung should make it and it should be called the "Samsung Butt-Bitch"
Re: I tried Googling "youth escort"
I like the Dutch version best - Edam Youth Escort!
Re: Good old green dam!
It's nowt to do with it being foreign and from a different culture but everything to do with it being dumb as shit! If it was a good product i'd be cool with the name but it isint, its vile shit! It deserves having the piss taken out of its name in just the same way Apple is totally farty name for a company too - I mean seriously, Apple, what were they smoking? oh yeah, they liked a toke or so I am told, explains it!
Paris, because she also gets accused of cultural insensitivities, but with her its from the French for trashing the name of their capital city!
I'm probably going to be hacked by a French-Chinese, Paris Hilton loving hacker collective now, great!
Good old green dam!
Am I the only one who pisses themselves laughing whenever I hear the words "green dam youth escort"? It just sounds so silly and wrong!
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