* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Raspberry Pi DUMBS DOWN to target world+dog

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: NOOBS

I was just about to say "No matter what your opinion is, at least with it being called NOOBS it does exactly what it says on the tin." If we go with your idea I will have to change my statement to "it does exactly what it say on the silicone!" Which is technically a more accurate description either way when you think about it!

I'm sticking my thumps right up for BOOBS!

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It's a fiddle! Funnyman's Irish tax flashmob floods Apple flagship store

LinkOfHyrule

Re: Please stop...

Well they did rename his old TV programme "The Mark Thomas Comedy Product" to "The Mark Thomas Product". I'm guessing someone was pissed off under the trades descriptions act or something!

He's worth a watch though sometimes even if it is difficult to make a standup routine out of fucking with arms dealers or corporate bastards!

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Short-staffed website swaps DOGS for DEVELOPERS

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I'm only joking - no animals were harmed in the making of this forum post

They should also throw in a free brick and mail sack - and directions to your nearest canal - just in case!

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Smut-for-Glass app suffers premature ejection

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Clippy!!!

...Hi, I see you are trying to watch porn would you like some help with that?

Or they could invent a new character - Johnny!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

hahahaha That's like Paris saying...

...Paris as featured on El Reg (every time someone posts something rude or silly)

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Foxconn signs on to build Firefox OS devices for clients

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Firefoxconn!!!!!!!!

I can't believe you missed that pun for your headline chaps!

Or maybe... Firefox - it's a conn!

Or even.... "Becuase of falling sales of iPhones I am no longer needed to stand on the production line for 16 hours a day. In fact I have just been 'Fired' from 'fox'conn!"

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Look out, fanbois! EVIL charger will inject FILTH into your iPHONE

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I tell you what would be really funny...

..if the dodgy code that got injected was actually a modified iDevice ready version of Windows Phone 8 that would self install itself over iOS!

Imagine that - plugging your iPhone in for a juice top up only to find its running Windows when you get back! I think MS are actually considering it to get their usage numbers up!

Paris because she doesn't care who's plug it is!

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Ex-Microsoft man plans brand of consumer marijuana 'fine cigars'

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: In a similar vein....

Woah dude I'm totally bluescreening on this dope dude!

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BT! dumps! Yahoo! after! 10! long! years! together!

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

re "hopeless relatives and in-laws"

It's always the in-laws with BT-Yahoo! It's as if the marketing people at BT sat down and said "we will target the clueless in-laws sector of the market" which probably aint far from the truth really!

Give the in laws some credit though - mine have just started using Chrome off their own backs! They're learning! Plus there's only so much shit you can take from IE before you start to act! haha

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: !!!!!!

I remember my first day reading el Reg years ago - "oh thats weird putting loads of !s in that headline" I think to myself

Few weeks later "oh look more of those weird !s wtf" I think...

A year later "hang about, is it me or do these weird !s only turn up in headlines about yahoo!?"

You get used to it mate! Give it time!

Paris, because she's another Register institution we couldn't live without!

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Film crew plans dig to find lost burial ground of Atari's E.T.

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

They should send Channel Four's Time Team to go dig it up. They would even get one of those beardie blokes to do a recreation of a genuine early 1980s living room complete with wood-grain Atari and black, red and grey wallpaper as was the fashion at the time! Meanwhile Tony Robinson will be down on his hands and knees scrubbing soil off of old ROM memory chips and talking to another beardie bloke about old things! ...as you do!

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Living with a 41-megapixel 808 PureView: Symbian's heroic last stand

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Man I thought you were going to review the Roland 808 drum machine...

...and praise it's contribution to Hip-Hop and Acid House beats and Oldskool Jungle basslines!

Disappointed!!!!!!

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Apple says 'zai jian' to Foxconn, taps Pegatron for new iPhones

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: I bet there's some hardcore fanboi Dell collectors ...

Actually there are collectors of old Dell machines - they're called landfill sites!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I bet there's some hardcore fanboi Apple collectors out there who not only want to buy every Apple iProduct but one from each of the different manufacturers!

I wonder what the difference between the Foxconn and the Pegatron ones is? More unicorn juice?

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First 'adult' app for Google Glass planned 'within days'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Glass can also enhance a couple's foreplay

There was a time when it was only certain kinds of specially shaped glass objects that could do that!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Adult app

Actually you can do rude things with a spreadsheet - add together a column of 69s for example!

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Auto argument losers

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Maybe if people on these forums end up having rows, the Register should set up a backstreet boxing club and force those involved to just 'have it out' with each other the old fashioned way.

El Reg Big Fight Live - Sponsored by Kleenex Mansized Tissues - for those messy situations! I can just see that working as a late night TV show on Dave hosted by Craig Charles and Michaela Strachan!

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Feds slam hacker-friendly backdoors in jalopy, grub factories

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

This explains why...

I brought a tin of alphabetty-speghetti the other day and the only letters it contained were, L, O, Z, S, E and C.

Bloody Anonymous hacked my sodding dinner!

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World's richest hobo (Apple) has worked 'tax-free' in Ireland since '80s

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Richest Hobo - Who remembers The Littlest Hobo?

They are actually doing a remake of it called "The Biggest Hobo" - its basically the same show accept the dog now wears a black turtle neck and navigates using an iPhone with the obvious disastrous consequences!

The theme tune remains the same though "Maybe tomorrow iWant to settle down, Until tomorrow iJust keep keep moving on"

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Breaking news, LITERALLY: Financial Times vandalized by hackers

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

What's pink and hard first thing in the morning...

...the Financial Times crossword after the Syrian Electronic Army has hacked it to make all the answers "Syrian Electronic Army woz 'ere 2013"

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Google adds Atari Easter Egg for Breakout's birthday

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I bet Steve was pissed off that they couldn't give the bricks rounded corners using so few chips!

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Icahn and Southeastern try to hamstring Mike Dell's buyout bid

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Totally off topic but...

...when I saw the words Dell, Southeasten and bid, I thought for a moment Dell were putting in a bid to run the Southeastern rail franchise!

I can just imagine it now, the Intel Inside jingle blasts from the PA system at Charring Cross station "Platform six for the 18.45 Dell Trains service to Tunbridge Wells, calling at bla bla bla etc.....customers requiring First Class accommodation, please upgrade to a first class carriage before checking out your order!"

The livery of the trains will be quite cool too, Dell Standard black with big ass "Intel Inside" logos and signs on the side of the train saying "Dell Trains proudly powered by Windows 3.11"!

Ding ding dong dong "We are sorry to announce that the 19.00 service to Gravesend is delayed due to a faulty motherboard!"

It's Friday, urm I'll get me coat

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YouTube launches subscriptions with 53 paid channels

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: They need to start a porno service

I have actually heard of the various 'naughty tubes' sites that are in existence, I just thought it would be nice for Google to get in on the act themselves, I don't remember them saying anything about "don't be sexy" or "don't be pervy" haha!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

They need to start a porno service

BlueTube anyone? Discretely billed to your credit card as "Android Personal Services"

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'Ultimate nerd chick’ prompts C64 clone cancellation

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Everyone's out, bitch!

These kickstarter thingies are getting as bad as Dragons Den!

Mines the one with a huge wodge temptingly resting on the table!

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Not now, Apple: We've got the Pi-Phone, the smallest mobe network

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

First create a mobe network with Raspberry Pis...

...then sell it to Orange, finally make sure all the punters using it only use Apple or Blackberry phones...

..and you've got yourself mobile fruit salad!

And I bet its still more reliable than Three!

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Snoopers' charter rests in shallow grave - likely to rise again

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Dirty macs

I'm not a member of the mucky mac brigade! I use Windows and Android!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Bunch of knobs

...and while you're at it, tattoo a MAC address to my bum cheeks! Along with my default admin password!

Insert finger to restore to factory settings!

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LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Bunch of knobs

Just tattoo an IP address to my face and be done it!

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Retro-tech fan seeks cash for Commodore 64 clones

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: I would support this if:

And a blooming Teletext emulator please too!

Sod it, maybe just emulate the 80s wholesale - turn Swindon into an 80s theme park or something! Synthpop, 8-bit computing and red and black interior design for all - welcome to Swindon! (written in 7 segment digit display style fonts of course!)

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Microsoft: All RIGHT, you can have your Start button back

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Forget bringing back the start button...

How about instead just a big ass FAIL button in the bottom left of the screen!?

I think it would be well suited to Windows and I have even thought of an advertising slogan for it...

Windows 8 - When all else FAILs.

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29

How did something so small and pink cause so much trouble?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Small and Pink

I think expecting the British public to wave their small and pink things about in airports was a big and not so pink mistake!

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TV gesture patent bombshell: El Reg punts tech into public domain

LinkOfHyrule
Gimp

Re: Ughhhh!

Very masochistic people no doubt.

Maybe certain of his "artists" have to do something similar too in order to further their "careers"

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LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Good point! You wouldn't want the young'uns accidentally getting an eyeful of "Angry Northern Amateur Housewives HD" during the X factor - that would be the wrong kind of X!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

You forgot the gesture that switches on "Red Hot Slutty Chicks" or whatever the porn channels are called these days. It's a well known gesture!

Or maybe Kleenex already have the patent for that one!

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Ancient Roman version of The Register?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Ancient Roman version of The Register?

...or whatever the Romans had, I can't remember its too early in the morning, something about central heating and funny communal toilets no doubt!

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: Ancient Roman version of The Register?

Very good!

I bet their hardware section had reviews of the latest sun dials, chariots and bath-house accessories!

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Politically-correct 'Fairphone' goes on pre-sale next week

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Waitrose Fairtrade Organic Hippy Phone

I'm not knocking it, Just saying!

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Google Glass eye-cam to turn us all into right little winkers

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: @LinkOfHyrule - Seriously? People think this is all going to be OK?

Well who knows what Google will end up doing with all the video? Who knows what the Google Glass wearer will do with it! I don't want to be stalked by google in the real world, its bad enough online!

Maybe the video functionality could have a decent use - when the users of google glass go blind maybe the camera can be directly connected to their brains to restore their vision or something!

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LinkOfHyrule

Re: Seriously? People think this is all going to be OK?

Or put it another way, why should you go round filming people for no reason what so ever except you happen to own some silly glasses? I don't think most sane people will think its either a) very nice to go round filming people for no reason and b) worth doing.

Might as well just let David Cameron install a webcam in my toilet and be done with it. I think these things are a step to far in terms of eroding privacy.

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Re: Seriously? People think this is all going to be OK?

Document your own life all you want, start peeking into my life and you might actually experience an event worth documenting!

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Peeping Tom suspects cuffed after 'falling through women's toilet ceiling'

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Blimey!

You can't even take a dump during Iron Man 3 without some blokes falling on your heads these days! What is the world coming to?

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So long, Hotmail: Remaining users migrated to Outlook.com

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

No

You use hotmail for mandatory registrations to websites, crap web forums and porn purposes!

Obviously its well suited to porn, its HOTmail after all!

Hotmail - 8 out of 10 Parises recommend it!

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Apple: You thought Google dodged taxes? Get a load of THIS

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Obvious joke of the day...

iDodgeTax

Plus interesting fact - the spell checker in Firefox wants to correct the above to "Bridget"!?

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Brits on benefits: 'Dole office site only works on PCs over 10 YEARS OLD'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: What?

Well some people are pretty ignorant and do not realise that Disability Living Allowance is the one that pays for crutches, incontinent pants, transport, mobility aides and other essentials disabled people need so that they can get to and from their jobs!

For those who don't know it was Incapacity Benefit that people who cannot work due to illness could claim. DLA is completely separate and also has a minuscule fraud rate. The people trying to use this dumb website could be doing so from their work computer during lunch, but obviously they are not civil servants 'cus they are actually using a modern browser unlike these dole office jokers!

Paris because she actually has made dubious claims in one shape or another!

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Pirates scoff at games dev sim's in-game piracy lesson

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I'm not a fan of Game Dev Tycoon

I'm more partial to "Call Centre Mania" or even "Eastern European Hotel Contract Cleaner For Below Minimum Wage Tycoon"

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Cat ladies turned brand-squatters poke fun at religious right

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

I wanna peice of this!

I need to start t-here-gist-ER.co.uk - the website you can rely to get a T-shirt in an emergency! (or at least that's the gist of it!)

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PEAK iPHONE? Apple mobe growth slumps to ‘lowest in its history’

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

Re: Go Android!

Go FANdroid more like!

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Reg hack to starve on £1 a day for science

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Re: Hmm

You can get free Werthers Originals by sitting on the laps of pervy old granddads apparently.

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