1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009
Re: What terrorists?
As are all mums who shop at Iceland - total terrorist home grown lone wolf extremists the lot of them!
I've gone for beer instead of joke alert this time - actually joke alert, is that the next stage up from amber alert on the scare the public scale? Does it mean a joke about Robin hood airport on twitter is imminent?
Re: What terrorists?
Terrorists are everywhere silly - the government told me!
- If you know someone with two mobile phones - terrorist
- someone who keeps their curtains closed - terrorist
- someone who uses encrypted email - terrorist
- paedophiles - terrorists
- people in wheelchairs trying to board EasyJet flights to Spain - terrorist
- market traders who sell fruit and veg in imperial units - terrorist
- people who make crap jokes on twitter - terrorist
- people who appeal against wrongly issued penalty fares on commuter trains into London - terrorist
- kids who take pictures of buses/trains/buildings/cats/squirrels - terrorist
- people who switch energy supplier on a regular basis in order to get the best gas tariff - terrorist
These are all warning signs - this is why we NEED the PRISM system! Duh!
hehe I guess that's true! I've learned my lesson I don't want to be accused of that again in a hurry - otherwise it will be me, Eadon and Andrew Orlowski or someone from el reg all appearing on the Jeremy Kyle show for a paternity test and a fight if these rumours were to continue!
I made a little silly joke about Microsoft on here not so long ago.
Someone replied to it with this: "Eadon, your dad's here!" I cannot remember who.
That was far worst than calling me a cunt I can tell you!
or if you will do a google search / youtube search for films at least specify length >20 mins in the search filter or add the text "full movie" along with the name of the flick in the search box.
This film pirating tip is brought to you by Paris.
Welsh gov beats off Canada
I was hoping this was going to be an exclusive behind the scenes story about what politicians get up to together in a toilet cubical in the gentlemen's lavatories at the UN!
What a let down! Cor! dam you el-reg with your saucy headlines!
Re: If someone steals your Facebook password, then...
No that's a good joke, I just upvoted it! It's better than the guff I come up with after-all!
Re: Hey phishers!!!!.... THINK AGAIN!
If you want my Facebook login you're bloody welcome to it - if you're that desperate to look at pictures of my sisters cats all day that is! Thought not!
But if you change your mind and you do fancy ogling some puss, then why not cut out the middle-man - instead of phising for Facebook logins just get a job at PRISM and fill your boots with as much puss as you can handle!
Paris because its too early in the morning and I'm talking shite to myself on the el-reg forums! Again!
Re: Video chat?
The latest build of Firefox actually comes with a free strip of black electrical tape for you to plonk over your webcam - they'll send it to you in the post!
Imagine if the Microsoft Welsh Male Voice Choir and the ARM Barbershop Quartet got together and recorded a single together - and then the MS boys made the ARM chaps go down the shops to buy a few thousand copies of it in a vain attempt to bump it up the "Alternative" music charts!
This is exactly what they're doing here!
I know where he is!
He's in the arse-end of nowhere - or the Assange of nowhere you might say!
Re: re. traditional seafood nomenclature
I reckon they should have called it "Crabz Card".
The slogan could have been "Itching to go somewhere? Then you've got Crabz!"
Re: Actually, I have now thought of a proper forum post
If your plan comes to fruition, we'll all be teleporting kebabs directly to our stomachs using phone apps while still in the pub - and no doubt some of us will be directly teleporting said kebabs on to the pavement come closing time too!
Re: Pink wafer biscuits = Soylent Pink
I think the El reg Special Projects research thingy needs to do a full scale investigation into the effects of eating 200g of each type of biscuit in twenty minuets. Everything from Hobnobs to Jammy Dodgers including dead fly biscuits, Bourbons, Nice and even Fig Rolls!
Maybe get that turd examiner woman from Channel Four involved too if drunk.smile's experiences with custard creams are anything to go by.
Re: I ate a whole 200g packet in 20 mins
Blimey! I have never done that many myself, sounds like you might have ODed! I think you should have phoned 999 and taken the packaging to A+E with you!
I wonder what the antidote to pink wafers is? Fruit and vegetables probably!
Yes indeed old chap! My internet connection is a bit slow back here though but I keep hearing about a new invention called a "tranny" that will speed things up for me!*
*Transistor for those of you born after 1960 like myself who was born in the 80s despite working in the 1950s
Re: Pink wafer biscuits = Soylent Pink
They are blooming addictive - I've got a pack on my desk right now - they wont last long come tea break!
Actually, I have now thought of a proper forum post
...This has not only been done before but has been done better. You should look into Fortisip, PEG tubes and feed pumps.
If you are going to eat gloop - what better way than having it pumped directly into your stomach by a machine via a plastic tube sticking out your belly button?
Pink wafer biscuits = Soylent Pink
Sometimes life doesn’t afford proper forum posts.
Re: The real reason
Other customers who stored highly classified information also brought... Wolf howling at a full moon T-shirt... $9.99...
Get your ass to Mars, Get your ass to Mars, Get your ass to Mars, Get your ass to Mars
Still gets my vote as best line in a film ever!
Timberland is a clothing brand and also a US hip hop producer
It's like how Vax is an old computer but also a wet and dry vacuum cleaner!
If Trouser Snake owns MySpace...
Does this mean Justin Bieber owns Bebo?
Little Timmy is playing XBOX One alone in his room...
Timmy: "Awesome I scored another Tetris! woot!"
xboxOne: "Hey Timmy listen up!"
xboxOne: "My name is Hans Brix LeBloc - CEO of Thermalite - Europes leading manufacturer of breeze blocks for the construction industry!"
Timmy: "what the.....!!!"
xboxOne: "I've been spying on your Tetris games these past few months Timmy and you really have skills me and the guys here at Thermalite think we could use down at our brick making factory!...etc.etc.etc."
Timmy: "Sod off you perv! MUM THE XBOX IS SPYING ON ME AGAIN!"
Mum: "It's okay Timmy, I'll call the NSPCC again!"
Little Johnny is playing XBOX One alone in his room....
Johnny: "Take that bitch!" < he says as he kills another terrorist in Call of Duty.
xboxOne: "Hey Kid... HEY KID!!!"
Johnny: "Woah wtf, is that you xbox? Are you talking to me?"
xboxOne: "Yeah it's me kid, Sgt Ballmer here, first XBOX battalion. We've been watching you for a while Johnny using the cameras in your XBOX Kinnect. We like your style kid, you really know how to kick some butt on Call of Duty!"
Johnny: "Woah thanks sir!"
xboxOne: "Say kid, how'd you like to come work for us and fly drones keeping 'merica safe? We could do with a sharp shooting patriot such as yourself..." etc. etc. etc.
So it was Jony Ive all along...
...who designed all those Happy Hardcore compilation CD covers back in the 90s!
Smiley face 'cus its the rave scene init.
NSA Backdoors need updating
PRISM 2.0 bitches!
Personally I'm more partial to KYJLY-FM - your smooth and slippery music mix!
Re: Has the video been edited?
It looks like the NSA must have edited the vid or something!
Two blokes in black suits and shades will turn up at the doors of all the people who did manage to see the unedited video and they will say "You DID NOT see this video, do you understand us, slave?!!" in threatening tones!
This is how life will be from now on under the XBOX Holy One!
Re: Waiting for "Kinect: PRISM"
It a well known fact that Al-Qaeda peado-terrorists are big fans of Kinect Sports!
Or scrumping as we call it over here in blighty!
"Max Turbo" modes
AMD announces the return of beige box PCs with Turbo buttons on them!
Paris Really Is a Sexy Momma!
I was going to make some joke about how "Bill Gates likes owning companies with poor levels of security" etc. but I now live in a constant state of fear that I'm going to be compared to Eadon for doing so! So instead I'll just say Apple and Samsung are shit in the interests of impartiality!
He's our local park wino. Bloody great cover story though, never knew he was really a defence contractor!
Re: Assange - and his extended diplomatic sleepover
I bet that embassy he dosses in has one hell of a knackered-out futon by now! Smelly too possibly!
At least he's not sleeping in a windowless cell like Mr Manning. Give the poor chap a window ffs and no I don't mean Windows 8! The dude has enough problems!
Hey kids, le'me give you an app-a-tunity!
He's just ripping off The Thick of It now (just like Labour used to) but this time he's going to go into a local school and tell "the kids" that he's "down with them" and that they are to make apps in school for free.
Re: "dildo design agency"
Hehe I was only joking I don't really. I actually work for Apple designing iPhones - its a similar line of work though! Especially the new iDong they're soon bringing out - oops said to much!
New South Fucking Wales
or Not Safe For Work - basically its an aid to accidentally looking at rude things in front of your boss or customers. Luckily I work for a dildo design agency so I can safely ignore it!
It's not actually being recalled due to an electrical fault - Ann Summers QA department actually found they contained a back-door into the NSA Prism system!!!!
But its a "Walled Garden" of Eadon!
Welcome to the world of...
It would take a really dim terrorist
Don't forget all the terrorists who use twitter to spout out silly jokes when their flights are delayed because of snow!
You could have warned us that this story contained "Winner" - I have a delicate constitution!
But back to the story at hand - which is better HTC or Samsung phones - there's only one way to find out........
I take it the BASIC guys were big fans of the yet to exist rock band!
Whatever happens in the future will fit into this slot
Where did they get that advertising slogan from, did they nick part of it from one of those tart cards you used to get phone boxes in Soho?
They're sqauters you wont have a choice!
I bet some of them sue for breathing difficulties, loss of camp beds and for being forced to feel "unnecessary panic and alarm" etc - It just proves Computacenter shouldn't mess with the Claims-Ambulance-Chasers-Direct boys!
What happens if...
... I want to download the song "Sex Dwarf" by Softcell or some early 90s breakbeat "Hardcore" the Prodigy for example? Or I want to google the track listing for the latest in the series of the tragically less exciting than it sounds "Clubland Extreme Hardcore" to laugh at how much it sucks etc...?
Google will simply think I'm into hardcore sex club porn featuring people with restrictive growth when I'm not, and this will make the internet a better place will it!?
How will the ministry of truth know how to filter out actual dwarf porn and not well known synth pop songs with similar sounding names?
Load of old effing stupid bollocks! And I supposed saying that will be blocked too!
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