* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1657 publicly visible posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

German arrested for Adolf Hitler ringtone

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

He can't be that great...

He can't be that great as I see him on Youtube all the time in a war room moaning about X-Box live! He's hot a right temper on him!

Phorm's losses top $100m

LinkOfHyrule

$100m - NIL

Haha.

HK 'Dog Man' cuffed for voodoo ritual sex

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

DEAR SIR OR MADAMS

My name is Prince Fuk-Mee-Yee and I would like to informz you that your BANK ACCOUNTS have ""GHOST MONIES"" in them!

Please let me exorcise your banks accountz of the GHOST MONIES. Your accounts have £200,000 (TWO_HUNDRED-THOUSAND US DOLLA POUNDS) of ghost monies you should let me exorcise for yous.

Please send account numbers, sort codes, passwordz and a naked picture to this email address.

Nipper's naked arse provokes Street View outrage

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

simple solution

Wrap your families bums in tin foil!

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

They do have arse-recognition

It recognises most arses as the face of David Cameron!

More iPhone 4 angst: fanbois howl over head sensor

LinkOfHyrule

playmobil

Playmobil reconstruction or it never happened!

Observer columnist in online porn mixup

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

theregister.xxx

Sucking the **** that feeds IT?

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

FFS

"The sooner anyone aged over 55 is dead the better."

You should of said "The sooner anyone who is as thick as shit is dead the better." And then looked up the number of that Swiss suicide clinic.

RISC OS runs on fastest hardware ever

LinkOfHyrule

Off and On again

Turning it off and on again actually worked and was a totally valid solution!

Diary of a somebody - life in iPhone 4 land

LinkOfHyrule

iScientology

It's a cult. They way you describe the Apple store, yes its a cult!

iPhone 4: Perfect for everyone, except humans

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

iPhone

Reality check - its just another Foxconn sweatshop made disposable. Yes, its more desirable than most (well to some people at least) but it's still just a piece of overpriced crap like everything else! It's not magical! Unless you count the amazing disappearing signal as magic of course!

LinkOfHyrule
Jobs Horns

Cystitis?

Cystitis? There's an app for that!

Apple lifted 'make web go away' button from open source

LinkOfHyrule

Exactly!

TechCrunch, sounds like a brand of Japanese dried cat food or something frankly.

Apple adds 'make the web go away' button to Safari 5

LinkOfHyrule
Jobs Horns

Title goes here

I've already done two posts on another story taking the p**s out of Apple and Steve, that's why!

From iPhone to iOS – Apple nabs (another) Cisco handle

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Haha

I don't know thumbed you down (ooh err) but I thought that was a good joke. Imagining what iTea would be like... hmmm...

well you'd be locked in to having exactly the same way Steve drinks his. So if you want to add sugar you're gunna have to jailbreak your teabags (maybe the term 'tea-bagging' will be used for that process!)

Also the tea will be very expensive, but a lot more trendy than the evil PG Tips (who whole stole the idea anyway according to Steve, about 20 or 30 years ago or some s**t no-one cares about any-more).

The packaging will say on it "Designed in California, Grown in China"

Stephen Fry will constantly yabba on about how he loves his iTea and how he was the first person in the UK to ever drink it after Douglas Adams.

Leo Laporte's Twit Network will bring out a podcast about it - "Tea Break Weekly" ? - "This Week About Tea" ???

Some bloke will find a lost teabag on the floor of a pub and go round hawking it to Tea Blogs, bla bla bla you know the rest, Steve gets mad, Police special tea task force raids offices, kettles get confiscated, I get bored and stop making pathetic jokes about an iFuture dystopia.

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

iCorrie

I can't wait for Jobs to buy ITV and update the programmes...

"iCorrie" - the cobbels and grim terace houses replaced with cleaming white modernist buildings - the Rovers Return gets converted into an Apple store - "ayePhone!"

"Britain's got iPads" - talent show in which developers have to perform in front of three Steve Jobses in the hope of getting approval for their apps. Contestants wearing turtle necks will obviously fail due to replicating Apple functionality.

"I'm a twitter celebrity, track my location!" - 10 celebs get dumped in Milton Keynes town centre and are forced to survive using nothing but their iPhones and the fantastic array of communication and productivity apps available in the app store. Viewers vote off who they hate by sending @ replies to the celeb they wish to vote off including the hash tag #FAIL.

Guardian says dating site rivals violated database rights

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

What do you expect...

What do you expect, I read the Gauirnaid!

I think they might be rubbing off on me, better join their dating service in that case!

LinkOfHyrule

hehe

It's true! I have seen adverts for their "soulmates" service while pursuing their misspelt site myself and have thought exactly what you've just said, though I always imagine it being mostly made up of men who look and sound like Alan Bennett for some reason, not sure why that is???????

The world's ugliest dog is dead

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Was nice knowing you *cries*

You'll be missed *tears*

...hang on! Worlds ugliest dog is actually A DOG and not who I thought it was? ooops silly me!

Microsoft pulls plug on search bribery machine

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

Bing - The search engine you wouldn't use if they paid you! Only from your friends at Microsoft!

Gadget tax needed 'to save US newspapers'

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

I'd just to like one very serious point if I may...

I'd just to like one very serious point if I may...

The Guardian loosing £100,000 a day? One-Hundred-Thousand... A DAY? The equivalence of a Three Bedroom House in a nice-ish area, a day, you loose?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

You're doing it WRONG!

That is all :o)

Salacious smut soaks 12% of web

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

6 minuets 29 seconds

"The average porn site visit lasts 6 minuets 29 seconds"

Now there's a surprise!

Interesting fact, the average Register site visit is also 6 minuets 29 seconds*.

*made up fact.

Mystic Met is serial Strategy Boutique john

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Confused?

Are you getting the Met (Police force in Greater London) confused with the Met Office (Weather liars). I think you maybe!

I thought their slogan was: "It's raining again!"

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Dose exactly what it says on the tin.

Hampshire County Council - Kicking it oldskool!

Ofcom smites silent callers

LinkOfHyrule

My fave way of dealing with nuisance callers is...

I have two mobiles, one is hardly ever switched on, I give companies that number. I only use my land-line for calling my mum, its never plugged in otherwise.

I don't get nuisance calls! - apart from once at 4am I have had a drunk man phone several times on my main mobile claiming my number is that of "some bird" he's met in a club demanding to have sex with me!

If only insurance companies demanded to have sex with me I'd be more willing to give them my main number - talk about "quote me happy"!

No-good scareware varmints exploit Wild West game

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

To Imply most gamers are clever is frankly...

To Imply most gamers are clever is frankly bollocks! Gamers are probably a great market for scammers to go after. Only a few are geeky types like us, many players of so called "hardcore games" are just playing the games that are popular for their system or within their peer group. And with all the cracked software, the causal games for non techy people, promises of add-ons, level-ups for MMO's and cheats it's probably a great market to get into if you're a scammer.

My brain hurts, too many games *droools* and my thumbs are buggered!

Smokescreen brings Flash to the iPhone

LinkOfHyrule

Oh great

Adverts in Javascript - frankly the prospect of that sounds worst than flash ads! Yay, I look forward to this appearing on all browsers (including desktops) soon. I cant wait for my firefox to start crashing randomly and pages taking years to load because of poorly coded ads in javascript.

If only there was some sort of magical add-on for browsers that could "block" "adds". Or one that could make "script" = "no". ;o)

ID cards poster girl laments her £30

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

She's got nothing to hide and she's got a face book group! And she's thirty Quid down! I wouldn't mess with her if I was you! She's a hard hitting hack!

Sell the card on ebay in five years time, it will probably fetch a few bob more than thirty. I'd imagine the museum of fascism* would pay at least £35 for it. And in the mean time, go get a Job on a low profile paper and stop showing yourself up (oh sorry, you already do work for a low profile paper, well it was until you started drawing attention to yourself like a loud mouthed village idiot.)

*If it exists.

Windows Mobile Trojan frags gamers

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Quite clearly

Quite clearly it must be a "snowman fetish" line.

Mines the one with the coal and the carrot in the pocket.

Met lab claims 'biggest breakthrough since Watergate'

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Make your own fake evidence...

Make your own fake evidence, thanks to the interwebz and National Grid's website!

Presenting "Real Time Frequency Data" for the last 60 minutes, with a 15 second resolution!

http://www.nationalgrid.com/uk/Electricity/Data/Realtime/Frequency/Freq60.htm

Oh dear lol

Facebook European privacy head named peer

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

"But in other respects, he's rather trustworthy"

"But in other respects, he's rather trustworthy"

I'm sorry but no politic-tard is "rather trustworthy" if you ask me!

iPad queues worldwide

LinkOfHyrule

I heard

I heard that Steve's turds have the Apple logo embossed into them. Nobody knows how it happens.

Site news: Track this forum

LinkOfHyrule
Jobs Horns

Any Chance

Any chance we can have a "Track how many Apple Fanbois you've upset" feature?

Teletext licence holder fined for killing service early

LinkOfHyrule

The good thing about DM running Teletext was

The good thing about the Daily Mail running Teletext was the tiny on-screen character limit for each page meant that they did not have room on each page to print quite nearly as much bollox as in their papers!

If they made their web site and physical publications 40 by 24 characters they'd probably be better for it as you cant fit in so many lies into that sort of space.

Foxconn website defaced after iPhone assembly plant suicides

LinkOfHyrule

other days

They live and work on Tuesday, yes. The other six days they just work, no time to actually live.

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

What's the penalty

What's the penalty for breaking the "I won't kill myself" clause of your employment contract then? The sack?

TwitPic-nicking Mail nicked

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

HAHAHA

Personally I blame situations like this on Asylum seekers, illegal immigrants, chavs, Nu Labour, the EU, the internet, Sony Playstation and "polictical correctness gone mad!"

If it wasn't for all those things the Daily Fail would of had ever right to use those images for free.

Oz government in filter paranoia meltdown

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Asylum

Aussies are getting so badly treated by their government these days that I expect soon, we over here in blighty and other free countries will have to start giving Australian backpackers political asylum! And rightly too! Sounds like 1984 over-there, but with more lager.

Paris, cos she refuses to have her tubes filtered.

Murdoch's paywall: The end of the suicide era?

LinkOfHyrule

I'd only subscribe to el Reg if....

...you guarantee to do at least two playmobil recreations per month.

LinkOfHyrule

"And whatever else Murdoch may be, he certainly isn't stupid."

"And whatever else Murdoch may be, he certainly isn't stupid."

I used to think the man had some brains (I mean, it must take someone at least "quite brainy" to achieve his level of business success) but after hearing a recent interview with him where he made a total prat of himself when trying to explain google and the interwebs in relation to online news media, I think the man is clearly an idiot at worst or totally out of touch at best.

A media mougal who dose not understand the media - hahaha!

Queen's speech pledges faster deficit cut, 'freedom bill'

LinkOfHyrule

ConDem

It's gotta ring to it! I like it! Con....Dem..... Yeah! Oh well if it's condemned it must be crap!

Massachusetts man in vacuum marinade shocker

LinkOfHyrule

Soylent Green Sausages?

Soylent Green Sausages?

Blighty to get mobe-download barcode rail tickets

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

HAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHA They probably did not think of this....

...unless they did, and now a dead phone means not only lack of calls and texts but a £50 penalty fare too!

World+bitch flocking to expose self on Facebook

LinkOfHyrule

Didn't Yahoo....

Didn't Yahoo once have 600 million users? And then loose a lot of them? I might be wrong here but if i'm nearish to the mark it shows that even giants fall from grace at some point. Calling your users dumb fucks is a start.

The iPad, news saviour? Murdoch may have something here

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

I've never read a dead tree

I've never read a dead tree paper (well occasionally 10-15 years ago). I'm 26 and throughout the years I've got my news from the TV, Radio, Teletext (remember that haha) and starting in 1999 the internet. These days I don't watch the tele and I don't listen to the radio so I get all my news online (without paying a penny). I don't see this changing any-time soon. I couldn't give a monkeys if Murdoch goes pay, good riddance, it will stop his crap cluttering up google news at least!

Even if all newspapers go paid, there is this thing called the BBC and they have a highly regarded news website that I hear is very popular. So in order for this plan to work Mr Murdoch, I think you will not only need to persuade every newspaper and news agency to go paid (never going to happen), but also have a word with your pal Cameron and get him to shut down the beeb too! If you can't compete with free you'll need to!

The cover price of "general news" newspapers covers the cost of printing, distribution and a small cut to the shop who sells. I don't equate the cover price with the value of the news it contains. The adverts pay for that.

I frequent other non news sites that make a profit from showing me ads, If the news sites can't do it to then surely they're doing it wrong!

Facebook founder called trusting users dumb f*cks

LinkOfHyrule

title goes here apparently

Thanks to facebook, you can actually find some people with a simple google search these days - especially if they have an uncommon name, and even if they don't, knowing what they look like and their rough location can help narrow down the field. And the people you can find are in the main blissfully unaware of this, thanks to FB's robust user controls - yeah right!

Kind of dose exactly what it says on the tin in that respect - phone book - a book of names and phone numbers - facebook - a book of names and faces!

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Personal Logs

I think the only sensible way to use facebook is to not use it. True friends will still be your friend no matter what, you don't need to post status messages about the length and thickness of your logs to each other to maintain a relationship. Then again, maybe that's why facebook didn't really work out for me ;o)

Yahoo! wipes! brow! of! worried! search! advertisers!

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Well duh!

The Yahoo toolbar enhances your web browsing experience, silly! </sarcasm> I'm not having a pop at you Fluffykins! :o)

The Yahoo tool-bar - sounds like a drinking establishment frequented by yahoo users doesn't it!

Mines the one with the printed on slogan: "How is babby formed".

Boffins warn on car computer security risk

LinkOfHyrule

Cut the break cables - there's an app for that!

That chappy saying he dose not know why someone would want to even bother hacking a car - hmm I'm no expert but off the top off my head...

Covert suvalence, use the cars gps system to track that special loved/hated one in your life.

Fraud (knock back the milage a few thousand miles before flogging),

Kill people (Wanna bump off your spouse while they are on the road, there's an illegal back-door app for that)

Insurance scam - maybe on board systems would of recorded the force of impact in a small crash you recently had proving that there's no way you've sustained whiplash - better log in and change those readings so you don't get found out as an insurance cheat then!

Make a nerd-tastic full size remote control car - easy-ish to do now using lots of mechanical hardware - imagine being able to do this with just software and an iPad for the remote - you would need to do a lot of hacking of the car for this geekgasmic hobby project

Play a joke on someone - imagine hacking your mates car so that the stereo system only ever played YMCA or Britney Spears. and at full volume!

There's 6 reasons off the top of my head why people might want to hack cars. Maybe they are a bit far fetched but they all seem like possibilities to me, if not now them in five or ten years time.

The iPad: Unsubsidised, unaffordable, unloved?

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Paris, because she is the target market

I like a few others don't really know what the iPad is actually for and I can't find a killer reason why the mass market would want one. The iPhone started out as a overpriced phone lacking buttons and basic features even the cheapest piece of crap nokia phone had but it didn't take long for people to start drooling over the shininess did it! Now people cant cope without one and other phones had to up their game as a result.

If the iPad was more geared up as a content creation device it would be great for nerds - but as a consuming device they might as well just rename it as the "facebook/iPlayer/Hulu/Popcap Games/Fart App Pad" as it's probably what it is going to be used as in the main.

Paris, because she is the target market - simple but not poor (financially not taste)