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* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Screwpop Tool

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

You missed one BIG key feature

You missed one BIG key feature - it also makes for a handy go-anywhere nose picker!

Paris cos she also goes-anywhere!

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Margaret Thatcher celebrates 85 years

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

When I was a small child

When I was a small child, I genuinely thought "Margaret Thatcher" and "Bitch" meant the same thing!

My dad was a labour supporter I think that's why lol

5
1

Mozilla foot soldiers unleash 'Army of Awesome' on Twitter

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I'm gunna ask them

I'm gunna ask them if there's is a way to change the error messages. "Oops, this is embarsing" is getting so old after seeing it everyday for god knows how long now!

I want it to say something else maybe "Ooh what am I like!" or maybe "We apologise for the inconvenience but your session was lost due to trespassers on the line at Effingham Junction".

Now that would be awesome!

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National Schools Film Week punts unsafe URL

LinkOfHyrule

Yeah

Yeah it was a semi famous gay balloon fetish website called "Busters World" and I say semi famous as I'm pretty sure it may of been featured on a few TV shows as far back as the late '90s, Graham Norton springs to mind.

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Guardian super-blogger flames Reg boffinry desk

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Haha love this comment

Haha I like this comment on that blog from a commentard called "blighty".

"No matter how inconsequential the story is, if it in any way mentions nudity, sex, reproductive organs, stupidity it will make it onto the site, and even then they struggle to find more than a few stories every week."

That's why I and many others read the Register - for the sex, nudity and reproductive organs! Mixed in with IT news! Duh!

However his/her comments about struggling to find stories is balls. I visit the site probably about 5 times a day and there's always new stuff about knobs and jubs to read each visit!

Oh and this climate-change/gate stuff is so boring to me now. Oh and that blog was so boring and stinks of trying to hard. People moan at me about grammar but over there on the Gruanianaiaianengrua its another matter all together! He needs to learn to limit the use of the comma key!

Paris of course - for the jubs!

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Apple trade marks 'There's an app for that'

LinkOfHyrule

There is an ap for that

Just change the spelling a bit.

They'll probably trademark wearing a black turtle-neck while looking ill next.

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Cambridge chap's todger topiary gets the chop

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

@Anonymous Coward

Please try not to point out every little grammar mistake, it really isn't called for. My grammar may be slightly sloppier than normal on here but it is just web forum and it doesn't allow posts to be edited! I don't mind people saying things like "its '90s not 90's" as I learnt something that time but this grammar Nazi stuff is getting really tedious. Also why you feel the need to go anon I don't know.

It's one of those mistakes you don't notice until the brief second between pressing submit and the page reloading!

So I'm sorry but you FAIL. Moderators can we have one of those Jim Gamble CEOP buttons to report these cyber bullies who keep harassing me over this, its bloody pathetic.

I'm not checking this post for grammar or spelling mistakes as I've got better things to do like look at hedges in the shape of knobs.

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LinkOfHyrule

POLICE STATE

Bang out of order! You cant have the police going round ordering people to chop their willies off/down!

Could the coppers not of covered it up with one of their helmets to avoid idiots getting offended by it?

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Tesla Motors: Our cars don't burst into flame, but our emails do

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

lol

That company will fail anyway, hardly anyone at the moment wants electric cars and not all of the few who do have tons of money they can piss away on a Tesla anyway.

If and when the public want/need electric the big players will kill the firm off anyway.

hahaha stupid PR people!

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No takers on digital Olympic radio station

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

DAB sucks

The bloody government, f-ofcom and the industry need to just admit what everyone's knows - that DAB is useless crap and a complete waste of everyone's time and money.

Yeah, 'cus MP2 is really the future of audio broadcasting isint it! If DAB was good, pirate radio stations would be available on it but no, they are all still on FM or this thing called "the interwebz tubez"!

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Kiss frontman gives file-sharers tongue-lashing

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

What a total ****

This geezer sounds like a total ****. Shouldn't be a friend to your own kids? What dose he hate them or something?

As for the file sharing thing. Shut the **** up.

Kiss are a shit band, I can say I honestly don't know any of their songs but they are definitely still shit!

I've never even heard of them, what are they some sort Welsh mens' choir or something?

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MoD labels Facebook Places a 'targeting pack' for terrorists

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

If you input this story into the Daily Mail headline generator

If you input this story into the Daily Mail headline generator, along with the stories about the CEOP buttons, you get the following...

"Is Facebook causing your family to become terrorists and paedophiles?"

It also carries the following subheading...

"Scientists still don't know if Facebook causes cancer and wars, is it safe to let your family take the risk?"

3
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Video vigilante site emerges from legal battles

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

First person to

The first person to sign up, get connected to the cams and THEN broadcast a relay of all the cams they are watching over the net so the rest of us watch too and even play pranks in the location the cam is covering, wins a pint!

That should hopefully also help put an end to this stupid idea. If not, I'm sure that fact people ant gunna pay to work will!

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Apple TV stripdown reveals mystery solder pads

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I misread Solder as Shoulder

I thought this story was about the Apple TV sporting some secrete "Shoulder Pads" in some sort of '80s power-bitch fashion comeback!

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Nigerian perv scanners lay Lagos ladies bare

LinkOfHyrule
Big Brother

Remember Folks!

Perv scanners will not store images. They do not even have the required hardware to do so!

Perv scanners will not be abused by their operatives. You do not need to worry about airport staff looking at your love plumbing.

Perv scanners are safe. They will not cause you harm and have of course been stringently tested to ensure your personal safety.

Perv scanners prevent all known forms of terrorism. It's true!

If you disagree with two or less of the above statements then you are clearly either a terrorist or a paedophile.

If you disagree with two or more of the above statements then you are clearly both a terrorist and a paedophile!

Firm and Harsh Regards,

Your Governmentz.

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Nintendo 3DS misses Xmas launch window

LinkOfHyrule
Pint

NOT FAIR WAHH HAAA OOWW!

This kid is gunna be crying into his beer! Not fair! Want it now!

I want to play games in 3D for 15 minuets and then turn the 3D off due to headaches and never use it again, NOW!

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Youth of today demand mobile payments

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

BS!!!!!!!!!

"almost 90 per cent of youth would happily pay a monthly fee for for a mobile-phone wallet, mainly for the privilege of not having to wait in line for movie tickets."

BS - Nobody our age goes to the bloody cinema any-more, we aint living in the '30s any-more, granddads!*

Not seen a flick on the "big screen" for about 8 years, I like to you know, eat food that isn't flavoured expanded polystyrene and to be able to actually see and hear the film , plus I like the option of being able to do a number 1 or even a 2 without missing anything!

We have these things called DVDs and the interwebtubes you know, and I can sit right in front of the telly should I need it to look really big!

*Obviously some still do but they live in places like Staines and Slough where seeing a film on a giant telly thingy is still literally the most exciting thing to do in the whole town!

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ACS:Law's mocking of 4chan could cost it £500k

LinkOfHyrule

Probabaly

He probably will eat all those pizzas, he looks like he eats about thirty a day as it is, the fatty!

Can you sue someone for stating the obvious? Guess someone who isint me will get a letter in the post claiming you can!

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LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Upvoted

Upvoted for the Hovis gag! I'm nicking that! You better send me a letter asking for £500 cos I stole your joke!!!!

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Keene USB FM Transmitter

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

"having successfully killed off Heart 106.2 FM"

"having successfully killed off Heart 106.2 FM"

Who cares even if it dose break a few laws. The fact it can kill off that shite means its a winner!

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Christian group declares jct 9 on M25 cursed

LinkOfHyrule
Flame

OMG

Cassette tapes? Unspooled cassette tapes? Hex? Surrey? Stockbrokers?

Now, I must admit, you do very occasionally do still see an unspooled cassette tape laying around in odd places like canal footpaths, back alleys and railway sidings but its nowhere near as often as you used to. However I've never thought of it as a sign of evil, more a sign of bored children destroying their parents '80s mix tapes for a laugh!

Oh and I'm sure the evil spirits used to use mini-disc too! Actually, some used to use DAT tapes too as it gave better fidelity evilness before CDRs and Mini-discs came along!

I live in Surrey, and I still have loads of cassettes! Hence the flame icon!

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WTF worm makes Twitterers declare goat lust

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Hey, are you absolutely certain...

Hey, are you absolutely certain Robert Scoble was affected by this?

*snigger*

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Microsoft adopts invisible mobile pitch

LinkOfHyrule

Snore zzzzz

zzzzzzzz ugghh zzzzzzzzz windoze (get it!) zzzzzzzzz phone zzzzzzzzz so zzzzz boring zzzzzz!

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Anti-piracy lawyers' email database leaked after hack

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Not good for the alleged "file sharers"

Not good for those they poor 80 year-olds, who don't even know how to turn a computer on, who are "suspected" of downloading hardcore gay porn is it!

So I will mark them down for that, but they get top marks for getting hold of the idiot who runs the firms emails and for attracting the attention of privacy groups and hopefully the Information Commissioner!

Paris, 'cus even she aint this loose lipped!

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Twitter joke appeal adjourned

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"I was thinking if it does I have decided to resort to terrorism."

"I was thinking if it does I have decided to resort to terrorism."

Everyone should change their email signatures to this. Oh what lulz could be have with the inevitable misunderstandings the will ensue!

Paris, cos its my third Paris in a row and apparently its lucky to have her three times in quick succession!

2
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419ers take council for £100k

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

We need one of them face-palm icons

We need one of them face-palm icons I think!

In the mean time - it's Paris!

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Moms stand firm against antenna madness

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

MILTHY

MILTHs'

That is all!

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Harrow flicks pirate thrown in slammer

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

WTF

Jail time when no money was made from the "crime". I'm glad we live in a fair society! Meanwhile real crims, bankers and MPs who have actually profited from crimes, go about their business as normal!

If I was him I would appeal sharpish as this is a miscarriage of justice. Clearly any normal person would see that!

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Piracy threats lawyer mocks 4chan DDoS attack

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

YES

This has to be the first news story I ever read where literally the first word made me piss myself laughing!

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of MFs.

This will be fun.

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Thieves jam key-fob lock signals in mystery car thefts

LinkOfHyrule

Lexus at a local Sainsbury's.

Shame is wasn't a Lexus at a local BP garage in the Norfolk area - I could of made a funny about Alan Partridge.

But anyway, I do like the bit about the suspected crim wearing clothing to warm for the time of year!

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Police issue lettuce e-fit

LinkOfHyrule

Could also be

Could also be a laptop screen with the colour settings messed with or maybe broken. That green may of looked grey-ish or some other colour.

Either that or he's related to Sideshow Mel from the Simpsons.

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Samoan clerics finger homosexuals over global warming

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Idiots

What about Bi people like me though? What's my carbon footprint?

3
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Steve Jobs chops student hack down to size

LinkOfHyrule
Stop

Foxconn also make your...

Foxconn also as far as I am led to beleive, make your Wii, Xbox 360, PS3, DS, PSP, Laptop, Sat Nav, Mobile phone, remote controls, Desktop PC and probably your sandwich toaster and who knows, your cuddly toy! (awww)

No doubt you've brought loads of Foxconn stuff since the bodies started dropping so I wouldn't use that against Apple.

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LinkOfHyrule
Jobs Halo

phow! eeww!

Wow! These Macs actually sound quite hot if its true you get abused why you buy one! Cor! Do you have to type in a safe word though if Steve starts pushing past your limits?

So maybe there is added value in Apple gear after-all! Sign me up as a new slave to the cult please!

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ZoneAlarm slammed for scarewarey marketing

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

This is low

This is clearly designed to trick people. No two ways about it. Low!

8
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'Unicorn' captured in remote Laos mountain forests

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

I'm calling it

I'm calling it a Bicorn!

If it were to have three horns, it would be a demolished shopping centre in Portsmouth!

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Jailbreaker alert: Apple TV runs iOS

LinkOfHyrule

I hope it can do

I hope it can do HD farts with surround sound!

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Twitter airport bomb joker loses second job

LinkOfHyrule

I swear it's the fault of the Firefox spell checker!

They ALWAYS pick on me! I swear it's the fault of the Firefox spell checker, I swear! (Which by teh way, wants to correct "Firefox" to "firebox" - see told you it sucks!)

"Do not fall victim to these fraudsters, otherwise you will be using apostrophes incorrectly in many ways, such as "I remember the 70's... well actually I don't" when the correct usage should quite clearly be "I remember the '70s...".

Oh, I didn't know I had been shoving the apostrothingy in the wrong place, I shall try to remember that one! So don't say I don't try to learn from my mistakes! You'll probably find something else to pick on me with next week though!

I wasn't even impersonating you, I was trying to be a good citizen!

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LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Yes!

Yes, you will. By the Grammar Police! You forgot the full-stop after "you".

Mines the one that says on it "They've got a week to get their shit together or I'm blowing the airport sky high!"

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BT feathers ruffled over pigeon-based file transfer caper

LinkOfHyrule

I can't though

Ken Livingstone "had the lines un-installed!" These days, the "download" speed is pretty low! Not many "packets" landing there these days compared to when I was a nipper!

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Quick sign me up!

Where do I sign up for "unlimited down-pigeons!?"

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Undiplomatic tweet from French diplomats

LinkOfHyrule
Stop

Some of us like the non IT stories

Personally, I like stories about lesbian vampires, devils in tiles and people with neurological disorders singing 80's karaoke!

This is a tech story though, sadly twitter is actually a technology of the information variety! Although personally, I would consider twitter technology of the Joseph Bazalgette variety!

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Sony PlayStation Move

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

I'm not reading the article cos i'm younger than 30 and we don't do that

I'm just going to reply with - well it looks like a dildo! It gets my vote!

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Warner Bros flogs Nikita on iTunes

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

£34.99 each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The blooming DVD boxsets will be cheaper than that surely?

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Spandau Ballet get the Tourette's karaoke treatment

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Always believe in f***.

First I thought it was quite funny, then I felt really really sorry for teh poor chap. He seems to have a pretty bad touch of the Tourette's there. Good on him though.

I know someone with an extreme case of Tourette's who actually sings while out in public to avoid calling passers-by c***s!

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Recession drives pies sky high

LinkOfHyrule

Economic down turn, most over used excuse of the moment

Oh so its this economic down turn causing a rise in pie sales is it? Got actual real proof of that, Mintel mintoes or whatever you name is?

They could equally argue climate change is causing sales of pies to increase, or even blame it on a rise of the number of cats put into wheelie bins!

I reckon its either because people just fancy pies slightly more often than before or its John Prescott causing the rise single-handedly due to comfort eating now Labour's out!

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Devil manifests in Hungarian bathroom

LinkOfHyrule
Flame

BANG!

AND THE SIN IS GONE!

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LinkOfHyrule
Jobs Horns

What a load of tosh!

Yeah yeah, and I can see Steve Jobs throwing ninja stars in my bathroom tiles! Pull the other one!

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Girl, 3, buys iPad apps, using mum's credit card

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Suspicious

These stories of kids buying stuff online like this are nearly always from Aus or New Zeeland. Wasn't there a case a few years ago of some crap news channel making up these sort of fake stories to plug an auction site they also owned? I seem to recall stories of young kids buying tractors on their parents accounts etc.

Don't tell me the app the kid brought was in some way related to the news organisation that first broke this story!

Paris cos I might be barking up the wrong tree, and urm, yeah barking seems like something she would know about!

2
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Steve Jobs no ninja, says Apple

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Apple gets all the press

If there were reports of Steve Ballmer getting stopped by airport security with 2,000 smuggled Lambert and Butlers* in his hand luggage no one would give a damn. Jobs gets all the attention from the media, I'm sick of it, I need more opportunities to take the piss out of other tech bigwigs on internet forums!

*Other brands of cancer causing substances, including asbestos, are available!

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