Posts by LinkOfHyrule
1512 posts • joined Friday 11th December 2009 10:15 GMT
Page:
I've had that once
I had that happen once on a cable box remote - the answer - turn the living room lights on and some good old trial and error!
The nipple technique rarely lets me down I can tell you!
Try telling Steve that
"There's nothing Apple nor anyone else can do to get around physics, plain and simple. "
Try telling Steve that. I bet he's scheming away right now in a giant underground bunker on ways of making the laws of physics more Apple like! Gravity? There's an app for that!
The Nipple technique
When I insert batteries in a dimly lit place I use the nipple technique - simply feel which end has the nipply thingy on it and then in the battery receptacle, feel which end has the springy thingy. No need for some crap Microsoft invention here, not with the nipple technique!
Posted in Meryl Streep to tackle Margaret Thatcher
Thatcher Thatcher Milk Snatcher
Wasn't there a playground song just slighty before my time called "Thatcher Thatcher Milk Snatcher" or something? That would make a good song! Ha!
He can't be that great...
He can't be that great as I see him on Youtube all the time in a war room moaning about X-Box live! He's hot a right temper on him!
DEAR SIR OR MADAMS
My name is Prince Fuk-Mee-Yee and I would like to informz you that your BANK ACCOUNTS have ""GHOST MONIES"" in them!
Please let me exorcise your banks accountz of the GHOST MONIES. Your accounts have £200,000 (TWO_HUNDRED-THOUSAND US DOLLA POUNDS) of ghost monies you should let me exorcise for yous.
Please send account numbers, sort codes, passwordz and a naked picture to this email address.
simple solution
Wrap your families bums in tin foil!
They do have arse-recognition
It recognises most arses as the face of David Cameron!
playmobil
Playmobil reconstruction or it never happened!
Posted in Observer columnist in online porn mixup
FFS
"The sooner anyone aged over 55 is dead the better."
You should of said "The sooner anyone who is as thick as shit is dead the better." And then looked up the number of that Swiss suicide clinic.
Posted in RISC OS runs on fastest hardware ever
Off and On again
Turning it off and on again actually worked and was a totally valid solution!
Best thread ever
In my opinion the only person who I wouldn't consider a **** for queening up to buy an iPhone on it's launch day is the "will it blend?" Bloke.
iScientology
It's a cult. They way you describe the Apple store, yes its a cult!
iPhone
Reality check - its just another Foxconn sweatshop made disposable. Yes, its more desirable than most (well to some people at least) but it's still just a piece of overpriced crap like everything else! It's not magical! Unless you count the amazing disappearing signal as magic of course!
Cystitis?
Cystitis? There's an app for that!
Exactly!
TechCrunch, sounds like a brand of Japanese dried cat food or something frankly.
Title goes here
I've already done two posts on another story taking the p**s out of Apple and Steve, that's why!
Haha
I don't know thumbed you down (ooh err) but I thought that was a good joke. Imagining what iTea would be like... hmmm...
well you'd be locked in to having exactly the same way Steve drinks his. So if you want to add sugar you're gunna have to jailbreak your teabags (maybe the term 'tea-bagging' will be used for that process!)
Also the tea will be very expensive, but a lot more trendy than the evil PG Tips (who whole stole the idea anyway according to Steve, about 20 or 30 years ago or some s**t no-one cares about any-more).
The packaging will say on it "Designed in California, Grown in China"
Stephen Fry will constantly yabba on about how he loves his iTea and how he was the first person in the UK to ever drink it after Douglas Adams.
Leo Laporte's Twit Network will bring out a podcast about it - "Tea Break Weekly" ? - "This Week About Tea" ???
Some bloke will find a lost teabag on the floor of a pub and go round hawking it to Tea Blogs, bla bla bla you know the rest, Steve gets mad, Police special tea task force raids offices, kettles get confiscated, I get bored and stop making pathetic jokes about an iFuture dystopia.
iCorrie
I can't wait for Jobs to buy ITV and update the programmes...
"iCorrie" - the cobbels and grim terace houses replaced with cleaming white modernist buildings - the Rovers Return gets converted into an Apple store - "ayePhone!"
"Britain's got iPads" - talent show in which developers have to perform in front of three Steve Jobses in the hope of getting approval for their apps. Contestants wearing turtle necks will obviously fail due to replicating Apple functionality.
"I'm a twitter celebrity, track my location!" - 10 celebs get dumped in Milton Keynes town centre and are forced to survive using nothing but their iPhones and the fantastic array of communication and productivity apps available in the app store. Viewers vote off who they hate by sending @ replies to the celeb they wish to vote off including the hash tag #FAIL.
What do you expect...
What do you expect, I read the Gauirnaid!
I think they might be rubbing off on me, better join their dating service in that case!
Posted in The world's ugliest dog is dead
Was nice knowing you *cries*
You'll be missed *tears*
...hang on! Worlds ugliest dog is actually A DOG and not who I thought it was? ooops silly me!
The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.
Bing - The search engine you wouldn't use if they paid you! Only from your friends at Microsoft!
I'd just to like one very serious point if I may...
I'd just to like one very serious point if I may...
The Guardian loosing £100,000 a day? One-Hundred-Thousand... A DAY? The equivalence of a Three Bedroom House in a nice-ish area, a day, you loose?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
You're doing it WRONG!
That is all :o)
Posted in Salacious smut soaks 12% of web
6 minuets 29 seconds
"The average porn site visit lasts 6 minuets 29 seconds"
Now there's a surprise!
Interesting fact, the average Register site visit is also 6 minuets 29 seconds*.
*made up fact.
hehe
It's true! I have seen adverts for their "soulmates" service while pursuing their misspelt site myself and have thought exactly what you've just said, though I always imagine it being mostly made up of men who look and sound like Alan Bennett for some reason, not sure why that is???????
Confused?
Are you getting the Met (Police force in Greater London) confused with the Met Office (Weather liars). I think you maybe!
I thought their slogan was: "It's raining again!"
Dose exactly what it says on the tin.
Hampshire County Council - Kicking it oldskool!
Posted in Ofcom smites silent callers
My fave way of dealing with nuisance callers is...
I have two mobiles, one is hardly ever switched on, I give companies that number. I only use my land-line for calling my mum, its never plugged in otherwise.
I don't get nuisance calls! - apart from once at 4am I have had a drunk man phone several times on my main mobile claiming my number is that of "some bird" he's met in a club demanding to have sex with me!
If only insurance companies demanded to have sex with me I'd be more willing to give them my main number - talk about "quote me happy"!
To Imply most gamers are clever is frankly...
To Imply most gamers are clever is frankly bollocks! Gamers are probably a great market for scammers to go after. Only a few are geeky types like us, many players of so called "hardcore games" are just playing the games that are popular for their system or within their peer group. And with all the cracked software, the causal games for non techy people, promises of add-ons, level-ups for MMO's and cheats it's probably a great market to get into if you're a scammer.
My brain hurts, too many games *droools* and my thumbs are buggered!
Posted in Smokescreen brings Flash to the iPhone
Oh great
Adverts in Javascript - frankly the prospect of that sounds worst than flash ads! Yay, I look forward to this appearing on all browsers (including desktops) soon. I cant wait for my firefox to start crashing randomly and pages taking years to load because of poorly coded ads in javascript.
If only there was some sort of magical add-on for browsers that could "block" "adds". Or one that could make "script" = "no". ;o)
Posted in ID cards poster girl laments her £30
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
She's got nothing to hide and she's got a face book group! And she's thirty Quid down! I wouldn't mess with her if I was you! She's a hard hitting hack!
Sell the card on ebay in five years time, it will probably fetch a few bob more than thirty. I'd imagine the museum of fascism* would pay at least £35 for it. And in the mean time, go get a Job on a low profile paper and stop showing yourself up (oh sorry, you already do work for a low profile paper, well it was until you started drawing attention to yourself like a loud mouthed village idiot.)
*If it exists.
Posted in Windows Mobile Trojan frags gamers
Quite clearly
Quite clearly it must be a "snowman fetish" line.
Mines the one with the coal and the carrot in the pocket.
Make your own fake evidence...
Make your own fake evidence, thanks to the interwebz and National Grid's website!
Presenting "Real Time Frequency Data" for the last 60 minutes, with a 15 second resolution!
http://www.nationalgrid.com/uk/Electricity/Data/Realtime/Frequency/Freq60.htm
Oh dear lol
"But in other respects, he's rather trustworthy"
"But in other respects, he's rather trustworthy"
I'm sorry but no politic-tard is "rather trustworthy" if you ask me!
Posted in iPad queues worldwide
I heard
I heard that Steve's turds have the Apple logo embossed into them. Nobody knows how it happens.
Posted in Site news: Track this forum
Any Chance
Any chance we can have a "Track how many Apple Fanbois you've upset" feature?
The good thing about DM running Teletext was
The good thing about the Daily Mail running Teletext was the tiny on-screen character limit for each page meant that they did not have room on each page to print quite nearly as much bollox as in their papers!
If they made their web site and physical publications 40 by 24 characters they'd probably be better for it as you cant fit in so many lies into that sort of space.
other days
They live and work on Tuesday, yes. The other six days they just work, no time to actually live.
What's the penalty
What's the penalty for breaking the "I won't kill myself" clause of your employment contract then? The sack?
Posted in TwitPic-nicking Mail nicked
HAHAHA
Personally I blame situations like this on Asylum seekers, illegal immigrants, chavs, Nu Labour, the EU, the internet, Sony Playstation and "polictical correctness gone mad!"
If it wasn't for all those things the Daily Fail would of had ever right to use those images for free.
Asylum
Aussies are getting so badly treated by their government these days that I expect soon, we over here in blighty and other free countries will have to start giving Australian backpackers political asylum! And rightly too! Sounds like 1984 over-there, but with more lager.
Paris, cos she refuses to have her tubes filtered.
I'd only subscribe to el Reg if....
...you guarantee to do at least two playmobil recreations per month.
"And whatever else Murdoch may be, he certainly isn't stupid."
"And whatever else Murdoch may be, he certainly isn't stupid."
I used to think the man had some brains (I mean, it must take someone at least "quite brainy" to achieve his level of business success) but after hearing a recent interview with him where he made a total prat of himself when trying to explain google and the interwebs in relation to online news media, I think the man is clearly an idiot at worst or totally out of touch at best.
A media mougal who dose not understand the media - hahaha!
ConDem
It's gotta ring to it! I like it! Con....Dem..... Yeah! Oh well if it's condemned it must be crap!
Soylent Green Sausages?
Soylent Green Sausages?
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA They probably did not think of this....
...unless they did, and now a dead phone means not only lack of calls and texts but a £50 penalty fare too!
Didn't Yahoo....
Didn't Yahoo once have 600 million users? And then loose a lot of them? I might be wrong here but if i'm nearish to the mark it shows that even giants fall from grace at some point. Calling your users dumb fucks is a start.
I've never read a dead tree
I've never read a dead tree paper (well occasionally 10-15 years ago). I'm 26 and throughout the years I've got my news from the TV, Radio, Teletext (remember that haha) and starting in 1999 the internet. These days I don't watch the tele and I don't listen to the radio so I get all my news online (without paying a penny). I don't see this changing any-time soon. I couldn't give a monkeys if Murdoch goes pay, good riddance, it will stop his crap cluttering up google news at least!
Even if all newspapers go paid, there is this thing called the BBC and they have a highly regarded news website that I hear is very popular. So in order for this plan to work Mr Murdoch, I think you will not only need to persuade every newspaper and news agency to go paid (never going to happen), but also have a word with your pal Cameron and get him to shut down the beeb too! If you can't compete with free you'll need to!
The cover price of "general news" newspapers covers the cost of printing, distribution and a small cut to the shop who sells. I don't equate the cover price with the value of the news it contains. The adverts pay for that.
I frequent other non news sites that make a profit from showing me ads, If the news sites can't do it to then surely they're doing it wrong!
