* Posts by LinkOfHyrule

1678 posts • joined 11 Dec 2009

Nintendo disappoints over 3DS battery life

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

If 3D porn dose go mainstream

If 3D porn dose go mainstream as a result of this new piece of gadge, expect sales of wipe-clean screen protector to surge too!

Maybe we will also see a new sideline in novelty styluses too!

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Kinect blamed for Red Ring of Death outbreak

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

blow hole

Back in the day, if our Atari 2600 or Ninty NES started playing up we just blew into their slots and that always sorted the problem!

I think the 360 needs a hole you can blow into - big FAIL Microsoft engineers for not including a blow hole of some type!

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Hoxton social media types hit by Silicon Roundabout power cut

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Silicon Roundabout

Silicon Roundabout - sounds like the nickname of a glamour model to me!

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Google battles Derby cops over access to Street View data

LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

"The 1980's called"

"The 1980's called, they want their Scheme back " LOL

That's funny, funnier than it should be, but it is!

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LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Duh!

Duh!

Hey Derbyshire Police, get a court order (that's what they're there for, situations like this where it's the only legal way of getting the information) and shut the fuck up!

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Video games go off quicker than tomatoes

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

Hahaha

Hahaha

If they had tried this same experiment with any Wii or DS game with the word "Mario" in its title and flogged it on ebay they would of probably found the results surprisingly different as it's bloody almost impossible to buy any Mario game cheap from there - heck I've even seen them go for more money than you can buy them for brand new!

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Microwaved hard disc, run-over PC and other data disasters

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

That's very helpful thanks!

That's very helpful thanks!

Being someone who reads the Guardian I am of course not up to speed on spelling, grammar and the correct formatting of articles!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Disklabs has put together a list

Disklabs has put together a list of its oddest data receiver(sic)* jobs of the last 12 months...

...Honestly? Sure they didn't put this list together down the pub the other night? It's a well known fact that a lot of top ten lists published by magazines and websites are made in this fashion. I'm sure the same holds true for PR departments too!

Paris, cos she features in all ten of my list of oddest data recovery jobs in the last 12 months.

*I've always wanted to say "sic" whatever the frigg it means, have I done it right?

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Yahoo! buzzing over 'nonce Pope's' Christmas message

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

This aint libel is it?

I always suspected one day the word "Pope" would appear on some kind of "Register" - and here today it dose!

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Stephen Fry security whoopsie leads to prank fart book order

LinkOfHyrule

I'm not a bitter c

I'm not a bitter cunt and I actually REALLY like Stephen Fry. He's very funny and talented. I'm not jellous of him and I wish him well.

However this dose not change the fact that he is on telly too much and >most< of it is either shit or repeated to death. QI is good. A bit of Fry and Laurie was good etc. But adverts for Twinnings tea and lightweight documentaries fronted by Stephen Fry because the producers lack the imagination to think of someone else to present them are shit, etc.

I respect Stephen Fry actually, I respect him enough to speak my mind about what I actually think of his work, rather than the arse kissing he gets from most people.

I'm sorry if anyone who disagrees with me thinks i'm being harsh. I'm not, I just think doing adverts for Direct Line is fucking low. That's why I don't have an issue with Paul Merton doing them too.

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LinkOfHyrule

Hey Stephen, can we have some quality rather quantity please?

I like him but he's far to over exposed now its beyond the joke. When he's literally on four TV shows and a radio programme simultaneously plus the countless TV ads, news stories and you even see him on the train all on the same day - then yes, it really is beyond the joke.

I'm not even exaggerating, all the above has happened in my experience. I don't watch QI any-more because I'm literally sick of him. I will go back and watch old episodes in a few years probably but right now I'm avoiding him. I do think its fair to say he's a sell out and when I hear him bang on about standards in the media its a bit two faced of him to act as if he's some sort of ambassador for quality programme making - we're talking about a man who dose advert voice overs for Argos and Direct Line and stared in the god awful Kingdom ffs!

Hey Stephen, can we have some quality rather quantity please?

I did not read this article because I hate him, I did so despite being a bit sick of his overexposure, to find out what silly thing he has done on Twitter - I'd do the same for any celeb who's messed up online - even those I've never heard of - which is most of them I'm sorry but that's what celebs are there for - for us to laugh at when they've smeged up!

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Double-clicking patent takes on world

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I'm going to patent

I'm going to patent the "Medium Double Click" it is in speed between a normal double click and your slow double click you like so much for renaming files. I have no idea what use it could be but I hear Texas is a good place to sue the arses off anybody who might "infringe" my patent so I'm all set for some easy dosh!

I could probably sue anybody who uses a normal double click or a slow one as I could argue both styles of double clicking infringe my invention if the user dose them wrong!

In the meantime I hope my patent for "crap unfunny forum comments" goes through okay.

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Make your iPhone patriotic - for free

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

"Spin to choose threat level"

"Spin to choose threat level"

That is the best piece of UI user instruction ever to grace a software product, ever!

Apart from that though, this app is a disgusting example of all round FAIL.

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iPhone case makes like a Moleskine

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

Nice advert!

Nice advert! And the product obviously needs all the advertising it can get - I'm sure it will end up in poundshops up and down the land in a few weeks time thanks to it being complete useless tat - I look forward to Stuart Ashen's review on youtube once Poundland acquire all the unsold stock!

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NEC teases with two-screen Android tablet

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

No

Its an Android Game and Watch!

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Microsoft says no to Kinect sex game

LinkOfHyrule
Happy

The main reason (well one of them)

The main reason though you never see any "AO" aduits only rated games for any of the consoles is that a certain US retailer who's name ends with "Mart" and begins with "Wall" won't touch 'em with a barge pole.

This one retailer pretty much has a whole industry held to ransom in terms of what is suitable content.

As for Kinect and it being "family friendly" - now I know what they mean after seeing those youtube videos of family members physically "kinecting" with each other rather painfully it seems while playing the bloody thing! It should come with an inflatable boxing ring and padded headgear to protect nippers from getting smacked round the chops by their parents while playing Just Dance!

Smiley face cos its Wallmarts acid house and early 90's rave scene inspired inspired mascot isn't it?

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MSE releases revamped freebie malware scanner

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Bloody hell!

Bloody hell - a Microsoft product that gets good word of mouth that isn't that stupid xbox Kinect thingy! Whatever next!

Also every-time I see "MSE antivirus" mentioned anywhere I always think "What, has Martian Lewis the tight fisted expert released his own free-ware antivirus or something" until I remember what MSE actually stands for!

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'Porn lock' heralds death of WikiLeaks, internet, democracy, universe

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

"I'if this idea gets the go ahead, the El Reg "Paris" icon will be barred !"

You can take our interwebz. You can take our freedom. But you'll never take our Paris!

I'm also wearing no trousers as a mark of solidarity!

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Oh and just one more thing, Evil Weevil...

Oh and just one more thing, Evil Weevil - you're real name doesn't happen to be Lt Columbo dose it? The flashers mac you're wearing is what gives it away!

You're the original mac fanboi!

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Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

Can we please have

Can we please have a "Top ten people performing weird sex acts in public of 2010" countdown here on El Reg? Featuring stories like this from the past year. I'm not sure this will beat the bloke in sludge tank in Cornwall or the transvestite in the moat with the dog, though, but its still probably a top five contender!

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David Attenborough dino doc shows limits of 3D TV

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

3D - the new DAB (In terms of FAIL)?

Something like a quarter of all people can't even see 3D screen images - and of those of us who can, headaches and eye-strain are a common occurrence apparently!

3D won't take off unless all tellies/monitors support it without the need of glasses and the cameras needed to produce the images become cheap and standard. Until then I'm calling 3D the new DAB! Or who knows, maybe it will be worst than that and it's actually the new HD DVD!

hahaha!

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Xbox 360 outsells PS3 2:1

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

LMAO

"What's going to happen when Apple does a gaming console based on iOS?"

What, has Steve been working on the Pippin 2?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apple_Bandai_Pippin

Bet Shiggsy's shitting himself!

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LinkOfHyrule

HAHA

You both FAIL

Who gives a shit - you don't see people arguing that their Philips kettle is better than their mates Murphy Richards kettle. Can you imagine two people arguing over that? It would be pathetic wouldn't it, they both do the same things! Makes tea for the kettles and plays games for the consoles!

I own a DS a PC and a Wii with its "silly outdated controlls" and it has good games, as dose the DS, the PC, the PS3, the 360 and PSP - grow up and have fun playing the games ffs!

You lot give fanbois a bad name! Its like the Speccy vs the C64 and the SNES vs the Megadrive all over again!

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Lock and load: Birmingham launches gunfire location IT

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Ptoo

No you're not, but that's actually a bang on description of the sound!

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iPad-smuggling women pinched in China

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

lol

I'm not a fan-biologist either but I have never actually met a fangurl that hardcore, its always the blokes so I was unsure of the correct naming!

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LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Oh the irony

The bloody things are made in China!

And that one with twenty in her handbag, are you sure she wasn't just a typical Apple fanboi?

Mines the one brimming with fondle slabs and Jesus phones

(Bet someone made all these crap jokes before I got a chance to too!)

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French woman chased up tree by wild pigs, rescued by copter

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Daily Mail headline...

Will illegal French immigrant pigs march along Channel Tunnel and attack YOUR family?

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Alan Sugar's 'cockup braindead in call centre clueless' BT row

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

heh heh hehe!

hehe, the only place I've ever seen the Amstrad Emailer phone is on the set of the Apprentice and also funnily, the set of I'm Alan Partridge!

Maybe Lord Suggsie should bring out a landline Twitter phone too, bring the range "up to date" *chuckles*!

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Minister 'C*nt' promises £50m to get fabtastic fibre for all

LinkOfHyrule

There was

There was, but only in and around Tunbridge Wells.

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LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

I'm still waiting

I'm still waiting for porn on demand through a Prestel terminal that was promised on an old episode of "Micro Live" that was shown before I was born, that I watched on youtube the other day, that caused me to laugh at the hairstyles and fashions of the early '80s.

Paris, 'cus she's surprisingly well rendered in magenta block characters!

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LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Jeremy

Hunt by name, c*nt by nature.

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LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Dunno

"PS Jeremy Hunt talked of his programme creating 'up to' 600,000 new jobs - anyone have a clue where these might be coming from?"

Dunno? Phorm operators? Phorm installation engineers? Phorm advertising sales department?

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Anonymous attacks PayPal in 'Operation Avenge Assange'

LinkOfHyrule
Paris Hilton

you must admit

Ebay are very fair to all though you must admit - they're one of the few companies that actually screws everyone from consumers, to small business right up to big global luxury brands!

As long as they get their cut they don't seem to give a shit what's sold through their site! Whether its real of fake, was delivered on time or never showed up, nah, they don't care!* That's my opinion at least based on buying a fake product from their site.

Paris, 'cus at least with her, you know you're getting the genuine article and her dispute resolution system is second to none!

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Gov decides not to have scientific advice on drugs any more

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Yeah, sod the scientists!

The new committee is made up of actual stoners and Daily Mail readers!

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Sony sells Playstation-packing TV

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Or howabouts

How about a SEGA Megadrive shoved inside an Amstrad Emailer phone! hahaha!

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LinkOfHyrule

looks weird

I think there was a Panasonic gamecube dvd player too.

Anyway, I actually really like the idea of a PS2 telly - I need both a new telly and was thinking of getting a PS2 too so that I can catch up on some Playstation classics I missed first time round - HOWEVER - that telly is so ugly! The base on that thing just looks weird if you ask me. Shame they didn't design it to be more like one of those DVD/telly combo units.

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Popular sites caught sniffing user browser history

LinkOfHyrule

erratically pointing all over the place

I have my mouse speed and acceleration settings cranked to the max so that you only need to move the mouse about 2 millimetres to move the pointer from one side of the screen to the other (Because i use the mouse on my lap and I find it works for me!) so I'd love to see what their mouse snooping utility thinks of me if I were to visit their site and they see that I'm erratically pointing all over the place!

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My Droid EXPLODED mid phone call, says Texan

LinkOfHyrule
WTF?

What the fox

I love how apparently owning a phone repair company qualifies you as being a general all-round "Tech Expert" according to the video report!

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Mass mind control artist condemns El Reg to obscurity

LinkOfHyrule
Coat

Limbaughing up for a bad joke

This Rush Limbaugh guy is clearly very silly. I mean, who names themselves after a nerdy prog rock band?

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Telegraph to charge for online news

LinkOfHyrule
FAIL

@ dumb newspapers with paywalls

I've never enjoyed reading newspapers in their dead tree format. I have grown up with the firstly the TV news and then interwebz. I have never paid for news. Go behind your paywall, see if I and those like me care. Watch as your readership dwindles, meanwhile I'll be getting my news for free elsewhere (free being ad funded - you remember advertisers right? You used to have them when you had a readership!)

haha, they'll regret it every-time there's a huge story that in the past would have generated loads of page views and only their twenty-thousand or so subscribers can actually get to read it!

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'Smear agricultural land with human poo'

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

But, on this topic, they're on pretty solid ground.

Are you sure they're not on pretty soiled ground?

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How I saved the Macintosh

LinkOfHyrule
Thumb Up

Great article!

I love these sort of articles that delve into the era of the industry that's before my time. A very enjoyable read, I can't view the videos at the moment but might check 'em out later!

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Feds seize 70 'filesharing, dodgy goods' sites

LinkOfHyrule

Double standards

I notice youtube.com hasn't been seized - isn't it funny. Probably the largest cache of copyright infringing video content on the planet is totally immune from such measures - I wonder if that fact it's owned by a large multinational is why?!

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The Mac that saved Apple (and Steve Jobs)

LinkOfHyrule
Troll

Very rare in the wild for a 'best seller' if you ask me!

I don't think I have ever seen one of these in the (transparent) flesh. I saw a few later models in college once and saw that flat-screen model that looks like a table lamp in a shop window once though!

It was quite an insight seeing what lurked beneath it's oh so '90s exterior! Speaking of which, I'm certainly no Apple fanboi but I would say this thing may of had some impact on the design of consumer electricals at the time as I remember a couple of models of 14" portable tellies for sale in 2000 or there abouts that where made from transparent plastic in an obvious nod to this machine.

I aint seen that many C64s lurking about either to be honest, ZX Spectrums on the other hand, I think they're a standard feature of every British attic by now!

Troll, as his hair is probably the same colour as one of those models of iMac.

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Reg Hardware Reader Awards 2010

LinkOfHyrule

Playstation Move

Crap glowing wii remote dildo.

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Stuxnet code leak to cause CYBER-APOCALYPSE NOW!

LinkOfHyrule

Sod Sky News

Sod Sky News, the Daily Mail should get on the case - I want to know if Stuxnet causes (or maybe cures) cancer!

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Gamers demand CoD: Black Ops money back

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

I want my money back

I want my money back because the original Gameboy version of Tetris has shitter graphics than the PC version!

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Regional accent read-outs coming to satnavs

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

fat is a good story, fanks!

I pronounce my "Th"s as "f"s and I don't personally see what's so thucking wrong with it! Thor thucks sake!

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Official: Playboy back cat stashed on hard drive

LinkOfHyrule
Joke

Yeah good idea

I like the idea of a hard-drive that contains all back issues of the Daily Mail - however I don't think they make a large enough capacity drive yet to contain all the instances of the words "Asylum seeker" that have been used in that publication since its inception.

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LinkOfHyrule
Coffee/keyboard

ewwww

Nasty!

It was probably also quite time consuming collecting all the back issues from bramble bushes in railway sidings which seems to be the place to get back issues of old jazz mags.

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